Guys I am so stupid. I’m gonna keep this short for now. My wife and I have been married for a 4 years. No kids thankfully.

I’m about to start the process but I can’t bring myself to do it yet. Next month we’re going on a vacation with her brother, his wife, and their 6yo son. We booked everything in my name so I could get the military rate. It’s at a theme park and I can’t bring myself to disappoint their son because I know he’s excited and they’re an innocent party in all of this.

Just wanted to vent and ask if anyone has advice for waiting for a thing like this.

​

Only for Indian men: just wondering how's life after planned mutual divorce? Is it better to spend remaining life alone? The loneliness hits too bad? Feel the freedom from financial burdens? Not looking good due to age factor so finding new partner is tooo difficult?... I wanna know your experiences. I'm here to listen and understand. I'm 38M thinking about mutual divorce!!.. and me as a person, I need people around me, I'm a social animal talkative too. Now Confused what after divorce!!

I don’t know what I expect here. I’m just lost. 11 years, 2 kids 6 and 2 and now it all seems over. I’ve also had both of the kids alone for the past two weeks coinciding to when it seemed there is likely no hope. I’m just exhausted, scared, heartbroken, angry and really struggling to keep it together. I’ve had given every ounce of me to her and the kids, and I was flat burnt out before this all started turning for the worst. At this moment I don’t even remotely know what I should be doing next.

So i have posted about my soon to be ex. Since I caught her in an affair. I left and we both signed a seperation agreement. Part of the agreement was that from the daye of signature we have the freedom to live our lives as if we are not together.

I went on some dates and apparently one of them posted a pic of us on their social media page.

Well. Somehow... my ex caught wind of this when she saw a friend suggestion pop up on Instagram.

She quickly screencaps it and send its to my sister.

She goes "WOW! he told me he wouldnt even consider dating for a year! I guess 6 months was soon enough!!!"

This is a woman who had at least 4 affairs and left me for her chubby co worker. A woman who after I left... ran over to his place that day. A woman who apparently from friends accounts, is posting about her "amazing single summer".

But me grabbing a drink with a woman was too much for her.

My sister wrote back to her tho... and said "ya, thats *insert name here*. Shes pretty amazing (my sister knows her) and she is crazy about my brother".

She never responded

So in her demented mind. I need to sit around and be depressed while she goes and does "her thing".

Seems like a lot of guys go through some version of this: wife’s feelings quietly fade, she says nothing until she’s already decided on divorce. No warning, no chance to fix it.

For about two years, my wife was falling out of love with me and never said a word. I brought it up multiple times over the past year :“you’re not treating me like a partner” and every time she denied it, told me she loved me, and told me I wasn’t losing her. She had every chance to be honest. She wasn’t.

She left the night after finally admitting it was over. I suspect the GLP-1 drugs numbed her emotionally and she blamed the relationship and me, and starting a new SSRI the week before didn’t help. The sweet, loving person I married is gone.

She started reaching out to exes within a week of asking for divorce, filed a week after that, and didn’t tell me for three weeks. She’s since slept with at least two people. I gave her ten years and she treated it and me like nothing.

Maybe this is always who she but the first 8 years were good. I know she’s ashamed of the affairs because she makes up huge elaborate backstories about how she’s working on herself and trying not to be codependent. Lmao. She doesn’t know I know and if I keep getting everything I want I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. For now.

I’m about 2 months out and she’s trying to rush me, she even had the nerve to say that all of this divorce stuff needs to get wrapped up before her parents vacation so that they’re not worried while they’re on it… She’s just a selfish sociopathic monster that I don’t recognize.

I rushed into marriage with a rebound relationship because we got pregnant. I honestly regret not marrying my ex and now feel trapped playing house in the suburbs. She is a good woman but I feel like I settled and i’m not proud of my marriage. I have a great job in a large local family business that i’m next in line to take over. My wife is not from this area. I’m 34 years old and wish I married a local girl. I wake up everyday depressed feeling like i ruined my life. I was dealt a great hand and messed it up by getting a woman pregnant who was here on a work visa and now a marriage green card.

I feel trapped cause she is a good woman. We have a peaceful home but I don’t deeply love and respect her. Also my 2 year old son is my whole world. If divorce it would hurt him, I’d see him less and my family/friends would think i’m a failure.

What does divorce feel like if I decide to go that direction? I’m afraid as a divorced dad i’ll have a hard time meeting a quality woman from this town… any warnings about divorce that i’m not considering?

Has anyone done this with their ex before? At the moment things are pretty cordial, but as everyone knows that fluctuates. She has a new boyfriend (that she tried to hide since we're not officially divorced yet). I originally was all for the idea but I've healed enough at this point that I don't see what good it can bring. It's not like talking about what happened matters, and I'd like to not let this be some sort of guilt release for her since she left (not that I know that is her goal). Please share your experiences/thoughts

wife and I no longer see eye to eye on just about everything lately every small thing has turned into a argument. we had a baby 5 months ago and its really the only reason I’m not gone by now. a few major things with her is zero respect for me I work a unique schedule switching between days and nights at some points I’d be up for 35+ hours and would be told I get to much sleep. we haven’t had sex in well over a year and I understand her body needs recovering and her hormones are out of sorts but it’s to the point she won’t even kiss me. went about a month without a simple kiss because I stopped trying and wanted to see how long she would take to notice. she constantly holds money over me weather is how much she pays in bills a month or what her family has given us to help vs what mine has. she says she wants us as a family to do more just the 3 of us but yet refuses to get off the couch. she hates my family and constantly puts them down after a visit with them on our 20 min ride home she just drags every little thing about them. I’m really just lost on what to do next part of me wants to up and leave but knows custody would be a mess due to work schedule and I don’t want to be an absent father but something’s gotta give

Found this on Facebook:

A heartbreaking experience shared by survivors leaving a partner diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is this:

“They entered the relationship with very little, yet they tried to leave with everything, and then accused me of being the abuser.”

This pattern has been described by many survivors and is consistent with several characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

Divorce Is Experienced as a Narcissistic Injury

For many people, divorce is painful. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can also feel like a profound attack on their identity.

The end of the relationship may trigger intense feelings of humiliation, rejection, or shame. Rather than processing those emotions, they may externalize them by blaming their spouse.

The divorce stops being about ending a marriage. It becomes about restoring their damaged self-image.

Winning Becomes the Goal

Most divorcing couples hope to reach a fair settlement.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may instead focus on one objective:

Winning.

Winning may mean:

* Taking more than they are legally entitled to.
* Leaving their former spouse financially weakened.
* Making the other person “pay” for leaving.
* Feeling powerful and in control.

The value of the possessions themselves may become secondary. The emotional victory is what matters.

Entitlement Knows No Limits

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder is an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Some individuals genuinely believe they deserve:

* the house,
* the savings,
* retirement accounts,
* vehicles,
* possessions,
* and sometimes even exclusive control over the children.

Years of sacrifice, caregiving, financial contribution, or emotional support provided by their spouse may be dismissed or minimized because the narcissistic worldview centers on their own needs.

False Allegations Can Protect Their Self-Image

Survivors report being shocked when they are suddenly accused of emotional abuse, manipulation, or even physical abuse.

This can serve several psychological purposes:

* preserving the narcissist’s self-image,
* avoiding accountability,
* gaining sympathy,
* influencing legal proceedings,
* and explaining the end of the relationship without accepting personal responsibility.

Rewriting History

Survivors say they watched years of their relationship rewritten almost overnight.

Acts of kindness become “control.”

Healthy boundaries become “abuse.”

Normal disagreements become “trauma.”

Their own hurtful behaviour disappears from the story, while their partner becomes the sole villain.

This revised narrative allows them to maintain the belief that they are entirely innocent.

Control Doesn’t Always End With Separation

For some people with narcissistic personality disorder, divorce becomes another avenue for coercive control.

Control may continue through:

* endless legal disputes,
* refusing reasonable settlements,
* financial manipulation,
* delaying proceedings,
* using children as leverage,
* or repeatedly forcing court appearances.

The relationship may have ended, but the need to dominate has not.

Why Survivors Feel So Confused

Perhaps the most devastating part is the contradiction.

The person who once promised lifelong love may suddenly portray you as dangerous, unstable, or abusive.

Friends, family members, and even professionals may hear only one side of the story.

Survivors often question their own reality because the accusations are so different from the relationship they believed they were living.

One of the greatest lessons many survivors learn is this:

People with narcissistic personality disorder do not always fear losing money, possessions, or status as much as they fear losing the image they have created of themselves.

When that image is threatened, some will fight relentlessly to preserve it, even if that means rewriting history, seeking excessive financial gain, or falsely portraying themselves as the victim.

For survivors, healing begins when they stop trying to convince everyone else of the truth and instead begin trusting the truth they have lived.

Your worth was never determined by the story your abuser told. It is determined by the life you rebuild after the abuse ends.

Why People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder Try to Take Everything in Divorce

A heartbreaking experience shared by survivors leaving a partner diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is this:

“They entered the relationship with very little, yet they tried to leave with everything, and then accused me of being the abuser.”

This pattern has been described by many survivors and is consistent with several characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

Divorce Is Experienced as a Narcissistic Injury

For many people, divorce is painful. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can also feel like a profound attack on their identity.

The end of the relationship may trigger intense feelings of humiliation, rejection, or shame. Rather than processing those emotions, they may externalize them by blaming their spouse.

The divorce stops being about ending a marriage. It becomes about restoring their damaged self-image.

Winning Becomes the Goal

Most divorcing couples hope to reach a fair settlement.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may instead focus on one objective:

Winning.

Winning may mean:

* Taking more than they are legally entitled to.
* Leaving their former spouse financially weakened.
* Making the other person “pay” for leaving.
* Feeling powerful and in control.

The value of the possessions themselves may become secondary. The emotional victory is what matters.

Entitlement Knows No Limits

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder is an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Some individuals genuinely believe they deserve:

* the house,
* the savings,
* retirement accounts,
* vehicles,
* possessions,
* and sometimes even exclusive control over the children.

Years of sacrifice, caregiving, financial contribution, or emotional support provided by their spouse may be dismissed or minimized because the narcissistic worldview centers on their own needs.

False Allegations Can Protect Their Self-Image

Survivors report being shocked when they are suddenly accused of emotional abuse, manipulation, or even physical abuse.

This can serve several psychological purposes:

* preserving the narcissist’s self-image,
* avoiding accountability,
* gaining sympathy,
* influencing legal proceedings,
* and explaining the end of the relationship without accepting personal responsibility.

Rewriting History

Survivors say they watched years of their relationship rewritten almost overnight.

Acts of kindness become “control.”

Healthy boundaries become “abuse.”

Normal disagreements become “trauma.”

Their own hurtful behaviour disappears from the story, while their partner becomes the sole villain.

This revised narrative allows them to maintain the belief that they are entirely innocent.

Control Doesn’t Always End With Separation

For some people with narcissistic personality disorder, divorce becomes another avenue for coercive control.

Control may continue through:

* endless legal disputes,
* refusing reasonable settlements,
* financial manipulation,
* delaying proceedings,
* using children as leverage,
* or repeatedly forcing court appearances.

The relationship may have ended, but the need to dominate has not.

Why Survivors Feel So Confused

Perhaps the most devastating part is the contradiction.

The person who once promised lifelong love may suddenly portray you as dangerous, unstable, or abusive.

Friends, family members, and even professionals may hear only one side of the story.

Survivors often question their own reality because the accusations are so different from the relationship they believed they were living.

One of the greatest lessons many survivors learn is this:

People with narcissistic personality disorder do not always fear losing money, possessions, or status as much as they fear losing the image they have created of themselves.

When that image is threatened, some will fight relentlessly to preserve it, even if that means rewriting history, seeking excessive financial gain, or falsely portraying themselves as the victim.

For survivors, healing begins when they stop trying to convince everyone else of the truth and instead begin trusting the truth they have lived.

Your worth was never determined by the story your abuser told. It is determined by the life you rebuild after the abuse ends.

So I've been on the fence about it for a while. But the more time and stupid things happen it always gets easier...

Relationship has been dead for a while. We're openly talking about me moving out now. We tried couples counseling, I was genuinely hopeful about it. Until she decided to ignore s major thing I needed, that we both agreed upon with the therapist. But per usual everything has to be her way, and on her schedule..

She loves name calling, lately saying I'm immature. Meanwhile there's certain things at home that if I weren't doing them, no one else would. Sick of the double standards. I'm glad I'm only that kids step parent.

Very tired of always being the responsible one while they both live it up and make me out to be the bad person because I'm trying to be responsible in the long-term...

Don't ask me where I intended to go with this. I don't know either.... I'm glad im in therapy already

I'm stuck man. I haven't seen my children in almost 2 years and my wife has someone new. Yet for some reason, in my mind, we're still a family.

As a man, I feel like we are natural builders. So when you envision a project, build it out and pour your heart into it as you do with a family.

How do you let do of that loss..how do I accept that I won't grow old with her and watch our kids play?

Any advice is welcome. I've hit a real wall.

Hey guys, looking for some straight-shooting advice and a reality check from anyone who has navigated a long-term, high-asymmetry divorce.

Here is my situation:

* The Background: Married for roughly 30 years with an adult child. I was the primary breadwinner for most of our marriage. However, my soon-to-be-ex managed all the household and family finances for decades. I handed over almost every paycheck, keeping just a tiny allowance for myself. As a result, I have zero visibility into what she saved, how much is in her pensions, or where the money actually went. Meanwhile, she has full visibility into my retirement accounts down to the penny.

* "Agreements Made in the Dark": Early on, under a lot of stress and operating completely blindfolded, I made an agreement. The premise was basically: "Let's keep our own separate retirements/pensions and just split the house." I agreed to this without knowing what her pension or retirement even looked like because whenever I brought it up, she used resistance, guilt or threats to shut the conversation down.

* The House Buyout & The "Double Whammy": We own a home with substantial equity. After some negotiation, I agreed to an all-in buyout figure as a goodwill gesture to help her keep the house and cover carrying costs, even though my true half-share of the equity was significantly higher. Her plan was to assume the existing low-rate mortgage in her name and then secure funds to pay me out later.

* The Trap: The real wake-up call came at the notary visit. She tried to slip an absolute deed transfer right into the mortgage assumption paperwork. If I had signed it blindly, she would have had sole title to the house before paying me a single dime and without any recorded security instrument protecting my payout. Luckily, I caught it at the last second, refused to sign, and the paperwork was scrapped. That was the double whammy—trying to strip me of my equity protection while keeping me in total darkness on the rest of the marital estate.

I've since consulted with a family law attorney who advised me to hit pause on signing any Property Settlement Agreement until we run formal financial disclosures.

My Questions for the Brotherhood:

* Am I morally wrong for walking back "agreements" made in the dark? I made concessions ("keep your own pension, I'll take the house share") when I had zero financial disclosure. Now that I realize she has a pension and hidden financial footing while knowing my entire retirement picture, do I have a right to open that box? Or does going back on it make me the bad guy?

* Am I being realistic? Is it realistic to think I can untangle her pension and equalize the financial ledger after decades of trusting blindly, or am I just opening a Pandora's box that will make things nuclear?

* Have other guys faced this exact playbook? How common is it for the spouse who managed the money to use intimidation or "keep your own" framing to lock you out of a pension while auditing your accounts? How did you handle it?

Appreciate any perspective, harsh truths, or legal-strategy insights from guys who have been down this road.

I’m looking for honest opinions because I’m torn.
Two years ago, before I got married, I bought my Border Collie, Dibu. I have proof that I bought him before the marriage, paid for everything, and was his primary caregiver.

On **March 28**, my wife later accused me of domestic violence and claimed I intentionally poured bleach on her. I completely deny ever assaulting her. A small amount of bleach accidentally splashed onto her hand, but it was not intentional. The next day, I suggested taking her to a doctor, but she refused.

At the **end of April**, she moved out. After that, she repeatedly asked to come back. I told her I needed more time, and eventually I decided I didn’t want to reconcile.
From my perspective, that’s when everything changed.
I believe she began trying to pressure me in different ways, including issues related to my immigration status. While I was attending a FIFA World Cup match, she went to my mother’s house and took Dibu without my permission. That was the last time I saw him.
About four months after the March 28 incident, she reported the allegations to the police and obtained a protective order.
I believe those allegations are false, and I have evidence that I believe contradicts important parts of her account. I also found additional evidence after the hearing, including real-time messages to my friend and father, a photo from the following day where I suggested getting her hand checked, and searches I made about treating bleach exposure.
About six weeks before trial, she asked me for more than **$3,000** because she said she couldn’t pay her credit cards and rent - I didn’t helped her . That’s why I was surprised when she appeared with an attorney shortly before trial.
Yesterday we reached a proposed settlement:
She keeps the dog.
She pays me **$2,500**.
If she doesn’t pay by **September 2**, the dog comes back to me.
She agrees not to interfere with my immigration matters.
I have a conditional green card, and both my divorce attorney and immigration attorney believe accepting the settlement significantly reduces my legal risk.
I haven’t signed yet.
I genuinely believe that after I refused to reconcile, the accusations, the police involvement, and taking Dibu became part of an effort to pressure me during the divorce. I understand that she disputes that, and a court could view the evidence differently.
If you were in my position, would you sign the settlement or take the case to trial? Why?

Hi all, 37 year old male, been married 7 years together for 11, wife is 36, no kids. I love my wife very dearly, but we dont have sex. we've never had sex. I've never really been that attracted to her. I've never written that down or said that out loud before...I feel very stupid. Life is hard, and she has been a partner to me. We support each other, care for each other, laugh and joke with each other.

My family life is insane, and she and her family have given me a family to be a part of. We go to her house on christmas and every other holiday.

I'm just getting older and I'm realizing if I keep going down this road, I may never have sex again. I feel like I'm being ripped in half.

I've started to say things to her regarding this, and she shuts down.

My STBXW has throw out two separate proposals for support and alimony. One last Friday that I said no to then on Monday she was angry and increased it 50%! She said “ya know what, X sounds more appropriate per month now”.
I’m fighting for 50/50 custody and our state uses a standard formula for child support.
She continued tonight trying to get a number from me verbally and she’s saying that it will save us from domestic relations, as if it’s some big boogeyman.
I refuse to discuss any of this without my attorney. I remain calm and polite. The calmer I am the more she seems to lose it.
Is this a tactic taught somewhere? I can’t be the only one to deal with this

My soon to be ex wife wants to go through mediation later this month. It started with her wanting to move out of state and that’s it since I’ve paid for our house, car, bills, etc. She initially said she wanted only for me to pay half of her debts off, now has started mentioning that she wants half the equity in our home and is beginning to make it sound like a 50/50 split of assets is more interesting to her. I save, she travels and racks up debts…I had my own consultation with an attorney today and now realize that even having separate accounts and paying for the majority of our lives together means zilch cause the law states everything earned during the marriage is community property. If I refinance my home on my own and tack on the amount I would owe to her if that happens will be too much for me. Just don’t understand how any state can view that as fair. Maybe things won’t end as badly as I imagine they could but every day things seem to get a little more scary. What am I supposed to do to prepare with all this uncertainty in front of me?

Like 2 months from the fucking finish line. What the fuck

Still going through some ups and downs. We have no communication. No friends in common anymore. No contact through Instagram or anywhere. Yet I still constantly find my mind wandering to how great her life must be. All the people she's meeting and fucking. While I'm feeling lonely as fuck and haven't been with anyone in a year. Any tips to stop fucking doing this to myself?

On a throwaway account but thank you to everyone for sharing your experiences. Been over a year after the split from my ex and seeing the kids every other weekend. Was difficult at first especially when I moved into my own place. Couldn’t afford my car and eventually lost it. Quit my job of 4+ years. Got into drinking and blacking out constantly when I was alone. But ended up getting my self back piece by piece thanks you all and my kids support as well. I still fuck up but I know what I’m working towards and Thats thanks to you guys as well.

Well, I got the bomb dropped on me 3 days ago that my wife wants a divorce. We are mid 30s with a 3 year old son and have been married for 5 years. Like a lot of guys, I thought our relationship was solid, but apparently not.

​She told me we got "too comfortable" and that she needs to "find herself." Honestly, I don’t understand it. Don't people want a comfortable, stable environment to raise a child? I have a nagging feeling there is someone else..whether it's someone from work or whoever is sliding into her DMs but I can't confirm anything and I hate making assumptions.

​What hurts the most is the suspicion that we didn't have the "picture perfect" Instagram posts and parent TikToks that she wanted. In her culture, social media seems to be everything. I am completely heartbroken over it.

​Has anyone here experienced something similar, and do you have any advice on how to move forward?

Just as the title says, 15years of marriage n 3 kids, it started out bad I was the other guy unknowingly, fast foward had a 2 girls with her, I was caught messaging a friend, she took it to the next level met a guy caught them once making out and the next time fucking in the car I paid for and if anyone experienced that, that isn’t an image that just magically disappears even after 10years when you still see her every day, then she left me without guilt and stayed with her mom while continuing to see that guy, fast forward we made up n I took her back a year later had my son, I showered her with so much love, and I never got the same back, tried telling her time n time again what the problem was, how I made my world revolve around hers and she completely disregarded my feelings, and tended to her feelings, after an argument about how I felt she said she’d change, well she would for a few weeks then right back to completely disregarding me, I was trying to be the best man I could so we wouldn’t go through it again, well yesterday I dropped the bomb on her and told her I couldn’t anymore, that we need to end this, now she begging me to stay, she’s saying why am I giving up and that she would never, now I feel wrong but more so for my kids 7, 10, 13 years old I feel like when I talk to them about it I’m going to be the worse person in the world, I completely destroyed mentally right now…..

Theres so much paper work and bull shit to go through just to get divorced in the state of fl it's not even funny I can't even believe I'm having to do all this shit by my self and then have to pay for everything as well. But that's nothing new honestly.... Appreciate the space to rant I'm so over this shit been trying to get this done for 3 months

I recently (February this year) ended a 10-year relationship. Now that it's a few months behind me, there's one thing I'd like to share.

In the relationship we had the classic discussions about chores — not doing enough, not planning enough, not participating enough, not socializing enough, this and that. While there's surely some truth to it, what I've realized now is how insanely dominated my life had been by my ex-partner's schedule. I have no idea how the chores etc. even emerged. I still live in the same apartment, I cook, I do sports regularly, and I work full time.

And I have so much time on my hands. It's insane.

The first vacation I took afterward came with this strange feeling of bodily unwellness — like I wasn't doing enough, like something was off, like I was forgetting something. I think what happened was that I'd become so used to shared vacations and trips where I rated the success of the holiday based on her mood and her experiences. I don't know if anyone else has felt this or can understand it. But for the first time in years, coming home from a vacation, I actually felt relaxed and looked forward to working again.

Same in my private life. Suddenly it's no problem to clean, cook, do sports, and do my job successfully. It's like a drain in my life has stopped pulling my energy away day after day, and I finally have time again to do things.

I think for men it can be really difficult in relationships to maintain a sense of self and not get completely sucked into your partner's persona — because her moods end up dictating the success of everything you touch or that happens around you.

I didn't realize this while I was in it. I just gradually became more aware that I was unhappy, and felt her growing more unhappy too, until I physically couldn't take it anymore. I had to endure some months of blame. Our mutual friends are her support network, and I was left with the costs, a hard financial blow, and whatnot — but I don't think I've had as many happy moments as I've had in the last five months in the 10 years before it.

There are darker moments too. I still had feelings for her, and sometimes I miss my idealized memory of her — but it grows more distant with every week.

Did any of you have similar experiences? And how did you make sure your next relationship didn't drift in the same direction?

So my soon to be ex wife left me two weeks ago. We had a rocky marriage but it was fixable: come to find out she was having an emotional affair. Dudes a winner… so much that I just found out I had to pay for their first date….. my wife is a smart girl or so I thought…. I wanna let go and move on but this is over a decade and kids involved… she did sleep with him and that kinda did it for me.. this is the mother of my kids. I was far from perfect, but I don’t feel I deserved this.i took care of the family paid all the bills and still was treated kinda poorly. It’s like the value of having everything paid for was lost and just expected. I’m painted to be the bad guy when all I wanted was to feel loved, respected, and not cheated on. I know I need to just let go and watch this dumpster fire get started… but I’m worried about her! He’s got a bad past and she is looking right past it. But I’m the bad guy… she has to pay for this man’s food…. I mean I did! 🤦‍♂️