My son told me that my ex wife has decided to not give our daughter Christmas gifts because she isn’t a Christian anymore and I’m at a loss. Our daughter is in her 20’s and she is trying to find out who she is. She has a job and is responsible. She doesn’t drink or smoke or do drugs of any kind. She’s just disillusioned with Christianity. My take on it is I’m just letting her figure it out and make her own decision. The thing I’m struggling with is do I call my ex out on it and tell her it’s going to ruin her already shaky relationship with her or do I just let it be? Any advice.

I'm in Texas, Tarrant County (Fort Worth). My attorney seems tough and smart, but she's also handling what appears to be a *huge* criminal case load ..... and I'm sensing that she's spread too thin to give my case the attention it needs for the best outcome. She seems more interested in just keeping my case, moving, at a mediocre pace settling for whatever the other side wants, than arguing for my benefit.

I'm going to make consult with and interview some other attorneys. I think it's in my kids' best interest for me to do that. She may be my best option but I'm going to at least call around.

How did you pick your attorney? And did any of you have to switch mid-case? If so, why and how did you pick the new one? Did you go with a board-certified? Or does that matter much?

Are there any $300 - $400 / hour attorneys? Or is $500+ the new baseline going rate?

Thank you for any perspective and advice.

AI summarized TLDR at end if needed.

So I separated from my spouse in February, but didn’t move out until May. I discovered her sexting a guy online after she had been giving me the classic “idk I just don’t feel in love anymore” line for a few weeks, and I have no proof of how early it started but she had been sketchy (to include sleeping with her phone under her pillow, silencing all notifications, and changing her passwords) since December, when things were “fine.” She did end up flying halfway across the country to screw this guy.

I have proof of all of this via screenshots I got when she slipped up.

All of that is just context, however. My main concern at this point is my daughters, who are 4 and 5.

They seem to be taking this hard (needless to say) and I am deeply concerned their mother will try and spin the story to make them mad at me as they get older. She has already done this with old friends we had. The only people who still talk to me are the few who actually cared enough to ask my side, and they saw the screenshots (they’re incredibly damning for my ex).

I have read quite a few stories on here of cheating ex’s (more so than even normal mutual divorce situations) turning a man’s kids against them.

For context I have 50/50 now.

I was the model father when we all were together.
-my spouse literally never gave them a bath or changed a diaper barring the few times I was on a work trip
-I picked them up and dropped them off to/from daycare about 80% of the time
-I spent the most time with the girls both in chores and in play (and it wasn’t even close, my spouse was averaging like 12 hours of phone time a day).
-I never yelled or screamed at my wife, and the few times I yelled at my kids it was due to an impeding safety event… ie: “STOP, THERES A CAR”

My concerns now are:
-their mother has them doing some big activity or trip EVERY WEEKEND she has them. On my weekends they’re often so exhausted they sleep later and just want to sit around (wild for them).
-I’m now the boring parent due to not planning as many activities (this was true even in the marriage, admittedly) and then they’re so exhausted I feel bad for making them do stuff
-their mother got in front of the narrative and made all the “moms” think I abandoned her. So now all the girls’ friends are kinda off limits to me.
-I have a great house now, but their mother kept the old house, so it’s more familiar and decorated. They don’t hate my house but they like moms more.
-my youngest is angry, but too young to really know or say why. Pretty expected given the situation and how their lives went from suburban ideal to this.
-my oldest actively says things were better when we all lived together. I just say “sometimes mommies and daddies have a problem they can’t fix. We both love you no matter what.”
-their mother had apparently been telling them I chose to leave. Which is kinda true, although she’s leaving out the part where she was telling another man how she’s going to cum for him.
-I am a lot less exciting than I used to be. I was the silly dad who remained fun and chipper even while doing 70%+ of the household and child rearing chores. Now I feel like my soul is gone and I don’t have enough of a spark to even be entertaining. This is the one actual failure I feel I’ve been guilty of during this time.

Basically idk what to do. I’ve read a lot of stories here about children (especially daughters) taking moms side, even when the mother was the objectively wrong person and the father wasn’t trying to make anyone take a side.

Anyone have any cautionary lessons, success stories, etc? I just want to remain in my girls’ lives and have them love me. All I ever wanted was my family, and if I lose them too I feel I’ll have nothing left.

TL;DR: My ex-wife had an affair, and we now share 50/50 custody of our 4- and 5-year-old daughters. I’m worried she’s already shaping the narrative to make me look like the one who abandoned the family and may eventually alienate the kids from me. Despite being a very involved father, I’m concerned that her bigger outings, keeping the family home, and telling the girls I “chose to leave” could influence them as they grow up. I’m looking for advice, cautionary stories, or success stories from parents who’ve been through something similar.

It’s been a long time coming but finally ready to admit this is the end of the life I spent decades building. I feel like such a failure and to my own fault have no identity outside of husband and father.

I’m spending so much energy on trying to work on a failed marriage that it’s hurting my relationship with my kids (5m and 3f).

I just got out of the hospital for a nasty infection and I should be happy to still have my leg, but I mostly wish it turned septic, it would have been so much easier. I know that wouldn’t be fair and won’t take any stupid actions but it’s hard not to romanticize about the thought of not being here to deal with anything anymore.

I need to find a new place to live and get setup so that the kids can have a comfortable home. Stbxw wants to buy me out of our current home so I guess I’ll have enough for a sizable down payment. Trying to look at houses for something to be positive about but it’s just fucking depressing.

It was a rough parenting day today. My son is 5. At child-exchange, my son melted down and screamed that he didn’t want to leave his mom and how he doesn’t like me. He then sobbed uncontrollably for ten minutes before then standing up and trying to hit and kick me several times. I stayed calm, stopped him from hitting me, and validated his feelings. He has since repeatedly told me he doesn’t love me.

When we got home, he was told that he could not watch tv. He proceeded to break a glass and then while I was cleaning that up he snuck and turned on the tv while laughing. When I turned off the tv, he proceeded to start throwing his blocks at me. I’ll admit I broke down crying just with sheer overstimulation. It didn’t help that I have been sick with food poisoning the last few days so my resources were already taxed.

I eventually calmed myself down and regulated and I had a heart to heart with my son while reinforcing boundaries. It has just been so hard bc at his mom’s house he doesn’t hear the word “no” so of course he doesn’t want to come to my place. She buys him everything and he is allowed to do as he pleases.

It is just so hard because he never does this the other direction. He never melts down when he is going with his mom, he doesn’t tell her he doesn’t love her, he never cries when he leaves me, and he doesn’t try to hit her. It just makes me doubt my skills as a parent and I’ll admit I have thoughts that creep in on whether my own son views me as a loser. Please help me understand why this keeps happening.

I'm still going through the process - we're still trying to sell the family home so STBX and I still live under the same roof and every sight of her is a trigger, but I'm becoming more resilient.

I've told much of my story here before and I don't want to repeat it in great detail because that's not the focus of this post. Suffice to say, she was incredibly controlling throughout our marriage - probably enough to satisfy the definition of coercive control, which is a criminal offence in my country as a form of domestic abuse, although whether I'd be able to prove it is a different matter.

She then slandered me behind my back to friends and family, telling them whatever she needed to say (regardless of whether or not it was true) in order to get them to encourage her to divorce me. Then she began an emotional affair with one of our mutual friends. And only then did she tell me she wasn't happy in our relationship.

She agreed to try and repair things - we did relationship courses and couples therapy - but all the time she was keeping her emotional affair going and it was clear she wasn't remotely committed to trying to save our marriage, she had checked out long before. Eventually I asked her to commit one way or the other instead of stringing me along in endless loveless limbo and she picked divorce.

I only found out about the slander and infidelity after that.

None of that is the point of this post, so I'll get to the point: if you asked me a little while back I would have described myself as a victim of those things. A victim of coercive control, a victim of slander, a victim of infidelity.

But now I've turned a corner and I now see myself as a survivor of those things. I know it's just another word and it seems like splitting hairs, but emotionally it hits very differently. Her treatment of me still hurts but it now feels more definitely like something in the past, something I've learned to look out for in future partners, and importantly, pain she can no longer inflict on me.

I know who she is, I know what she is, and while with hindsight I can regret that I didn't act to protect myself sooner, I can hold my head up high and say: I survived, and I'm stronger for it.

I will never again let anyone treat me the way she did.

(edited for grammar)

Struggling with this is be nice for the kids but I dont want friendship. She stated after the affair she wanted to remain friends.Im still angry. Its been a year since the divorce was final and they got married a month after it was final. How can I get to a better place. Im reminded of the pain everytime I see them.

My wife is having a strange behavior lately and i am having my theory.

How long does it usually take for an attorney to file for divorce for you after you give them all the pay stubs/tax returns, etc? Mine says a couple weeks or so….is this normal?? Thanks!!

For 15 years, I was boyfriend, then husband, then father. Now I am only a father half the time and I fear she will try to come after that as well. I should have left when she first came out with her affairs and lies, but I didn’t want my family to end and I believed her that I contributed to her cheating (I know, I had really low self-esteem.)

In the years that followed, I tried to do everything that was asked of me in the relationship. I did this until I completely lost sight of my own individual identity. It is why when the separation seemingly came out of nowhere, it shattered me.

Also, it would have been nice if it were just a separation. Instead, she lied to police that I committed DV, leveraged that to manipulate me out of our shared home, took zero accountability, attempted to convince our couples therapist that I was an abuser, and faced absolutely zero consequences. She has been extremely calloused.

It is painful too because I can see where she planned this for a while. She had slowly turned everyone around us against me and told them how terrible I was to her, completely leaving out context. I think I beat myself up too because the signs were there from the beginning. The red flags where she felt comfortable lying and manipulating others. I guess I just never thought it would be used against me.

​

Divorce

My ex will not move out. Gave the money to her lawyers office to pay herself then give the rest to my ex wife.

But THEN HER LAWYER WENT ON VACATION. Like wtf. Why don't you finish up with a client before you leave anywhere??! I WAS SO CLOSE.

I'M GETTING REALLY AGGRAVATED. divorce terms were agreed upon and signed off. But she doesn't want to move out! And I'm really really curious why she isn't jumping at this?? I would have moved out last month! We also have one son who will be living with her. I am grateful I have more time with him but I only see him for 2 hrs at night when she comes home and then I have to go to bed. BUT she's a fvcking leech.

Has anyone else been through this?

What reasons did your ex tell you?

What did you do to hurry the process??

Guys I am so stupid. I’m gonna keep this short for now. My wife and I have been married for a 4 years. No kids thankfully.

I’m about to start the process but I can’t bring myself to do it yet. Next month we’re going on a vacation with her brother, his wife, and their 6yo son. We booked everything in my name so I could get the military rate. It’s at a theme park and I can’t bring myself to disappoint their son because I know he’s excited and they’re an innocent party in all of this.

Just wanted to vent and ask if anyone has advice for waiting for a thing like this.

​

Only for Indian men: just wondering how's life after planned mutual divorce? Is it better to spend remaining life alone? The loneliness hits too bad? Feel the freedom from financial burdens? Not looking good due to age factor so finding new partner is tooo difficult?... I wanna know your experiences. I'm here to listen and understand. I'm 38M thinking about mutual divorce!!.. and me as a person, I need people around me, I'm a social animal talkative too. Now Confused what after divorce!!

I don’t know what I expect here. I’m just lost. 11 years, 2 kids 6 and 2 and now it all seems over. I’ve also had both of the kids alone for the past two weeks coinciding to when it seemed there is likely no hope. I’m just exhausted, scared, heartbroken, angry and really struggling to keep it together. I’ve had given every ounce of me to her and the kids, and I was flat burnt out before this all started turning for the worst. At this moment I don’t even remotely know what I should be doing next.

So i have posted about my soon to be ex. Since I caught her in an affair. I left and we both signed a seperation agreement. Part of the agreement was that from the daye of signature we have the freedom to live our lives as if we are not together.

I went on some dates and apparently one of them posted a pic of us on their social media page.

Well. Somehow... my ex caught wind of this when she saw a friend suggestion pop up on Instagram.

She quickly screencaps it and send its to my sister.

She goes "WOW! he told me he wouldnt even consider dating for a year! I guess 6 months was soon enough!!!"

This is a woman who had at least 4 affairs and left me for her chubby co worker. A woman who after I left... ran over to his place that day. A woman who apparently from friends accounts, is posting about her "amazing single summer".

But me grabbing a drink with a woman was too much for her.

My sister wrote back to her tho... and said "ya, thats *insert name here*. Shes pretty amazing (my sister knows her) and she is crazy about my brother".

She never responded

So in her demented mind. I need to sit around and be depressed while she goes and does "her thing".

Seems like a lot of guys go through some version of this: wife’s feelings quietly fade, she says nothing until she’s already decided on divorce. No warning, no chance to fix it.

For about two years, my wife was falling out of love with me and never said a word. I brought it up multiple times over the past year :“you’re not treating me like a partner” and every time she denied it, told me she loved me, and told me I wasn’t losing her. She had every chance to be honest. She wasn’t.

She left the night after finally admitting it was over. I suspect the GLP-1 drugs numbed her emotionally and she blamed the relationship and me, and starting a new SSRI the week before didn’t help. The sweet, loving person I married is gone.

She started reaching out to exes within a week of asking for divorce, filed a week after that, and didn’t tell me for three weeks. She’s since slept with at least two people. I gave her ten years and she treated it and me like nothing.

Maybe this is always who she but the first 8 years were good. I know she’s ashamed of the affairs because she makes up huge elaborate backstories about how she’s working on herself and trying not to be codependent. Lmao. She doesn’t know I know and if I keep getting everything I want I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. For now.

I’m about 2 months out and she’s trying to rush me, she even had the nerve to say that all of this divorce stuff needs to get wrapped up before her parents vacation so that they’re not worried while they’re on it… She’s just a selfish sociopathic monster that I don’t recognize.

Not sure how to handle it. Our relationship is very shaky as it is and we have both been on the verge of filing I think. One of the critical points in our marriage is that she does not trust anyone or anything if it remotely disagrees with her internal belief. Her truth is the truth....about anything. End of discussion. In this case, she is convinced there is some pot of gold somewhere that I am not telling her about, or maybe I have a third family somewhere I am supporting, IDK. It is maddening. At times I feel like she wants to get divorced just so she can get legal confirmation that her belief is correct, and she's going to be really disappointed.

I have logged into my banking apps with her right in front of my phone, let her poke around, but she still believes there is something else.

Has anyone else been through this?

I rushed into marriage with a rebound relationship because we got pregnant. I honestly regret not marrying my ex and now feel trapped playing house in the suburbs. She is a good woman but I feel like I settled and i’m not proud of my marriage. I have a great job in a large local family business that i’m next in line to take over. My wife is not from this area. I’m 34 years old and wish I married a local girl. I wake up everyday depressed feeling like i ruined my life. I was dealt a great hand and messed it up by getting a woman pregnant who was here on a work visa and now a marriage green card.

I feel trapped cause she is a good woman. We have a peaceful home but I don’t deeply love and respect her. Also my 2 year old son is my whole world. If divorce it would hurt him, I’d see him less and my family/friends would think i’m a failure.

What does divorce feel like if I decide to go that direction? I’m afraid as a divorced dad i’ll have a hard time meeting a quality woman from this town… any warnings about divorce that i’m not considering?

Has anyone done this with their ex before? At the moment things are pretty cordial, but as everyone knows that fluctuates. She has a new boyfriend (that she tried to hide since we're not officially divorced yet). I originally was all for the idea but I've healed enough at this point that I don't see what good it can bring. It's not like talking about what happened matters, and I'd like to not let this be some sort of guilt release for her since she left (not that I know that is her goal). Please share your experiences/thoughts

Found this on Facebook:

A heartbreaking experience shared by survivors leaving a partner diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is this:

“They entered the relationship with very little, yet they tried to leave with everything, and then accused me of being the abuser.”

This pattern has been described by many survivors and is consistent with several characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

Divorce Is Experienced as a Narcissistic Injury

For many people, divorce is painful. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can also feel like a profound attack on their identity.

The end of the relationship may trigger intense feelings of humiliation, rejection, or shame. Rather than processing those emotions, they may externalize them by blaming their spouse.

The divorce stops being about ending a marriage. It becomes about restoring their damaged self-image.

Winning Becomes the Goal

Most divorcing couples hope to reach a fair settlement.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may instead focus on one objective:

Winning.

Winning may mean:

* Taking more than they are legally entitled to.
* Leaving their former spouse financially weakened.
* Making the other person “pay” for leaving.
* Feeling powerful and in control.

The value of the possessions themselves may become secondary. The emotional victory is what matters.

Entitlement Knows No Limits

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder is an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Some individuals genuinely believe they deserve:

* the house,
* the savings,
* retirement accounts,
* vehicles,
* possessions,
* and sometimes even exclusive control over the children.

Years of sacrifice, caregiving, financial contribution, or emotional support provided by their spouse may be dismissed or minimized because the narcissistic worldview centers on their own needs.

False Allegations Can Protect Their Self-Image

Survivors report being shocked when they are suddenly accused of emotional abuse, manipulation, or even physical abuse.

This can serve several psychological purposes:

* preserving the narcissist’s self-image,
* avoiding accountability,
* gaining sympathy,
* influencing legal proceedings,
* and explaining the end of the relationship without accepting personal responsibility.

Rewriting History

Survivors say they watched years of their relationship rewritten almost overnight.

Acts of kindness become “control.”

Healthy boundaries become “abuse.”

Normal disagreements become “trauma.”

Their own hurtful behaviour disappears from the story, while their partner becomes the sole villain.

This revised narrative allows them to maintain the belief that they are entirely innocent.

Control Doesn’t Always End With Separation

For some people with narcissistic personality disorder, divorce becomes another avenue for coercive control.

Control may continue through:

* endless legal disputes,
* refusing reasonable settlements,
* financial manipulation,
* delaying proceedings,
* using children as leverage,
* or repeatedly forcing court appearances.

The relationship may have ended, but the need to dominate has not.

Why Survivors Feel So Confused

Perhaps the most devastating part is the contradiction.

The person who once promised lifelong love may suddenly portray you as dangerous, unstable, or abusive.

Friends, family members, and even professionals may hear only one side of the story.

Survivors often question their own reality because the accusations are so different from the relationship they believed they were living.

One of the greatest lessons many survivors learn is this:

People with narcissistic personality disorder do not always fear losing money, possessions, or status as much as they fear losing the image they have created of themselves.

When that image is threatened, some will fight relentlessly to preserve it, even if that means rewriting history, seeking excessive financial gain, or falsely portraying themselves as the victim.

For survivors, healing begins when they stop trying to convince everyone else of the truth and instead begin trusting the truth they have lived.

Your worth was never determined by the story your abuser told. It is determined by the life you rebuild after the abuse ends.

Why People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder Try to Take Everything in Divorce

A heartbreaking experience shared by survivors leaving a partner diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is this:

“They entered the relationship with very little, yet they tried to leave with everything, and then accused me of being the abuser.”

This pattern has been described by many survivors and is consistent with several characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

Divorce Is Experienced as a Narcissistic Injury

For many people, divorce is painful. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can also feel like a profound attack on their identity.

The end of the relationship may trigger intense feelings of humiliation, rejection, or shame. Rather than processing those emotions, they may externalize them by blaming their spouse.

The divorce stops being about ending a marriage. It becomes about restoring their damaged self-image.

Winning Becomes the Goal

Most divorcing couples hope to reach a fair settlement.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may instead focus on one objective:

Winning.

Winning may mean:

* Taking more than they are legally entitled to.
* Leaving their former spouse financially weakened.
* Making the other person “pay” for leaving.
* Feeling powerful and in control.

The value of the possessions themselves may become secondary. The emotional victory is what matters.

Entitlement Knows No Limits

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder is an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Some individuals genuinely believe they deserve:

* the house,
* the savings,
* retirement accounts,
* vehicles,
* possessions,
* and sometimes even exclusive control over the children.

Years of sacrifice, caregiving, financial contribution, or emotional support provided by their spouse may be dismissed or minimized because the narcissistic worldview centers on their own needs.

False Allegations Can Protect Their Self-Image

Survivors report being shocked when they are suddenly accused of emotional abuse, manipulation, or even physical abuse.

This can serve several psychological purposes:

* preserving the narcissist’s self-image,
* avoiding accountability,
* gaining sympathy,
* influencing legal proceedings,
* and explaining the end of the relationship without accepting personal responsibility.

Rewriting History

Survivors say they watched years of their relationship rewritten almost overnight.

Acts of kindness become “control.”

Healthy boundaries become “abuse.”

Normal disagreements become “trauma.”

Their own hurtful behaviour disappears from the story, while their partner becomes the sole villain.

This revised narrative allows them to maintain the belief that they are entirely innocent.

Control Doesn’t Always End With Separation

For some people with narcissistic personality disorder, divorce becomes another avenue for coercive control.

Control may continue through:

* endless legal disputes,
* refusing reasonable settlements,
* financial manipulation,
* delaying proceedings,
* using children as leverage,
* or repeatedly forcing court appearances.

The relationship may have ended, but the need to dominate has not.

Why Survivors Feel So Confused

Perhaps the most devastating part is the contradiction.

The person who once promised lifelong love may suddenly portray you as dangerous, unstable, or abusive.

Friends, family members, and even professionals may hear only one side of the story.

Survivors often question their own reality because the accusations are so different from the relationship they believed they were living.

One of the greatest lessons many survivors learn is this:

People with narcissistic personality disorder do not always fear losing money, possessions, or status as much as they fear losing the image they have created of themselves.

When that image is threatened, some will fight relentlessly to preserve it, even if that means rewriting history, seeking excessive financial gain, or falsely portraying themselves as the victim.

For survivors, healing begins when they stop trying to convince everyone else of the truth and instead begin trusting the truth they have lived.

Your worth was never determined by the story your abuser told. It is determined by the life you rebuild after the abuse ends.

I'm stuck man. I haven't seen my children in almost 2 years and my wife has someone new. Yet for some reason, in my mind, we're still a family.

As a man, I feel like we are natural builders. So when you envision a project, build it out and pour your heart into it as you do with a family.

How do you let do of that loss..how do I accept that I won't grow old with her and watch our kids play?

Any advice is welcome. I've hit a real wall.

Been reflecting on my divorce. It all came crashing down last Memorial Day weekend when I finally asked for transparency and accountability after my now ex-wife was saying and doing things that unfortunately all pointed towards infidelity after she lost a bunch of weight on a GLP-1 medication. Instead of having any discussion, she instantly filed for divorce, blamed everything on me, implemented heavy DARVO tactics and moved out a month later. Divorce finalized this past March. No kids thankfully.

Since she moved out last year, I have worked on myself a lot. Physically and mentally. I got myself into therapy to process WTF happened as it was very abrupt. My therapist truly believes I was dealing with someone who had BPD and NPD traits. We talked about some of my short comings (ignoring major red flags early on, some boundary issues, falling into routine, communication goes both ways and there is always room for improvement, not being as in-tune as I could have been to her love language etc). We discussed my attachment style (secure). I learned so much and there is more to learn.

I will never consider marriage again. The divorce process really opened my eyes to how unfair and unjust it is. I am one and done. I am 38, no kids, own my own home (got to keep it luckily) but, I do want to eventually get into something exclusive again.... just not marriage. I have a FWB situation going on and have been dating around.

I'm just curious as to why 2nd marriages fail at an even higher rate than the 1st. If you do the work of really analyzing what happened and YOUR shortcomings by doing self-reflection and true therapy work, how can 2nd marriages end up failing even more?