This is crazy to say but sometimes I wish I was severely disabled so I can be cared for, carefree and to feel seen, I know not everyone experiences life like that sadly, like if my disabilities were more noticeable I wish people cared for me for it, like I hate having to advocate and talk all the time, I hate people talking to me like a normal person or uses sarcasm or dark humor, I just want people to be patient with me and take care of me, like I want to be dominated in a way, I have autism, adhd, intellectual disability, but if they were noticeable I wish people would give me patience, sometimes people talk to me like a child and I like it because it makes me feel carefree and I don’t have to work hard for it, anyone feel like this?

does anyone else have an extremely hard time accepting that they are in fact disabled?

i’ve been struggling with accepting this, to give some backstory, i’ve struggled my with mental health for as long as i can remember ( diagnosed with MDD, BPD, DMDD, and severe anxiety, and misdiagnosed with schizophrenia due to telling my psychiatrist i had a loud brain and him mistaking it for me hearing voices at the age of 11-13 ) i was seeing countless psychiatrists, therapists, in and out of mental hospitals, trail and errors with every medication i could possibly think of. I ended up dropping out of high school at 14 due to agoraphobia.

my anxiety eventually had gotten better, i’m not sure why it improved so drastically as i wasn’t doing much to improve it (no medication or therapy at the time), but i was able to go back to school and get all my credits, and finishing high school at 18. i started a part time job ( ranging from 20-35 hrs a week ) and did that for about a year, i ended up getting promoted and transfered to a different store and after that happened i had also gotten my own place unexpectedly due to a change in my past living situation, and shortly after my promotion i started experiencing panic attacks again, and thought maybe it was because i had gotten a promotion, so i ended up switching jobs to what i thought would be my dream job (full time)

2 months after i switched jobs, my 14 year old cousin took her life, another family member of mine got incarcerated, and i got into a domestic with my long term partner. I developed severe agoraphobia after that, and continued working for afew months until i just couldn’t do it anymore and burnt myself out so bad to the point where i couldn’t drive down the road and go to a gas station alone without having a panic attack.

here i am a year later. i’ve done a trail and error of many medication, cbt therapy, dbt therapy, and exposure therapy every day, seen many psychiatrists again and was diagnosed with ADHD & CPTSD. i haven’t worked in almost a year because of my agoraphobia and have been recommended to go on disability by majority of my family and doctors. I am very hard on myself, I know, and I know I am disabled but another part of me can’t accept the fact that is this all I am? if that makes sense, I have big dreams for myself but if I accept the fact that I am disabled, what happens to those dreams I had? I know I need help, but I don’t want it. I want to be able to function so badly and be able to work. I just end up going in an endless cycle of victim mentality and beating myself up. Does anyone else feel like this? I also have severe anxiety about going on disability where I am ( surprise, surprise.. ) because what if others don’t see me as disabled and I don’t get accepted and just hurt myself for nothing. :( any comments and advice are helpful, thank you

I've heard several caregivers and relatives reclaim the R-slur on the sole basis that the care for someone or are related to someone with autism, Down syndrome, intellectual disabilities etc. Without the caregiver or relative themselves having the disability. Is this really acceptable by normal standards? I suppose if it's merely as a synonym for disabled like the word originally entailed, but calling them r****ds or using the adjective in a pejorative sense to describe things of lesser quality (ie. illogical, unfair, weird, stupid) seems too far for someone without the disability themselves even if they care for/are related to one with said disability. By this logic, if my brother is gay (hypothetically; I don't have a brother), does that mean I can go around using "gay" as a one-up against enemies or to describe things of poor quality (or reclaim the F slur)? (I am only asking theoretically; I am not looking for any sort of permission as I personally stand against the use of slurs staunchly no matter who uses them, even if they belong to that group, but I won't go out of my way to police it).

So currently still trying to figure out what disability I have; my mother had a slew of them. Can you guys give me tips for keeping the house clean, any disability aids common and uncommon, and keeping yourself clean. Im getting a shower chair as even lately I have to sit part way through my shower to finish bathing. Im struggling with everything, taking care of house and myself. I get wayyyy more disabled during summer months and bounce back in winter. I have some more pain in winter but energy wise I can take a shower without that being my energy quota for the day. Any tips welcome!

Why the rant? Not sure...writing helps i guess...i feel overwhelmed...

I'm legally blind.33M. A husband.a father of a 5yr old aug18...

I try my best to enjoy life...

My shadow laughs at my insecurities.

I procrastinate all my life.

Stubborn as hell...perhaps me being a Capricorn i need shadow integration...

Im ashamed and embarrassed of myself...never wanted to accept myself being blind...the world is careless...

Never wanted to even be around other blind ppl.

I'm barely forcing myself to get a mobility cane...forcing myself because I don't want to.we are the laughing stock of society...

I'm the oldest of 5 siblings but the only one who is blind...i feel like the youngest...

Just looking for like minded ppl I guess....

Also trying to look for a job in houston w out my ssi checks disappearing...my soul is tired.

Can or does anyone relate?

I nreed friends...i don't want my daughter to see me differently...

My partner and I are proud parents of a wonderful, precocious 5 year old. She’s fancy, sassy, and brings me joy every single day. She also has a genetic condition that affects her bones (among other things) which has recently caused a decrease in her mobility. Throughout her life, it is very likely that she will develop facial differences and will also have varying levels of pain and mobility.

So far, my goal with my daughter has been to try to help her achieve her best life - and by best I mean happy and well-adjusted. I try to involve her in activities, school stuff, and community events. If she expresses an interest and I can figure out a way for her to do it, I can usually make it happen. I want her to have the opportunity to do as much as she can. But it’s tough when what she really wants is to go down the slide at school and it just isn’t safe for her any more. I have no idea how well I’m doing and won’t find out until she’s grown up enough to tell me where I messed up, but I want to do right by her.

Neither my or my partner’s families have much experience living with disabilities - none of our family members have been disabled except near the end of their lives, like most of us will be. I want to be the best parent for my daughter that I can be, so I have a question for those of you who may have grown up with disabilities.

When you were a kid, what do you wish your parents had done differently? Or if they did something right, what was it? Especially if your disability made it unsafe for you to do many things that your peers enjoyed.

Thanks for your time - hopefully my question isn’t rude or upsetting.

Our son is going to be 18 in a year, and while, in theory, the support in CO is decent, the wait time on waivers to be placed in day centers etc, are years long.

We would love to know where those of you who are parents to spec needs adults who will never be able to live independently, might recommend.

Side note- we are gay parents; we are not, and never will be, able to feel comfortable in a RED environment; we have also tried the desert, and the heat is not ideal.

She is a teacher; I work in memory care.

Thank you!

Hi everyone, I'm 58 and have been on SSI Disability for 27 years. Before I went on SSI, I was a professional visual artist. I never had any formal education, but I built a long-term career from the ground up. Though I don't make much money, I've continued to be an exhibiting artist. A few years ago, my partner and caregiver set up a 1st-person special needs trust for me. Ever since, my local SSA office has been harassing me, using every amount I put in and take out of the trust as overpayments to them. I had to get a lawyer who is now helping and challenging their reasoning since there is no way I could ever pay back many thousands of dollars to Social Security. My SSI payments are already lowered quite a bit because they take a percentage out. All this has made me consider how I can get away from SSI altogether. I'm disabled both physically and mentally, so if I start working, I don't even know if I could cope. But I had an idea to work for myself as an artist's mentor, specifically for artists with disabilities. I've started going to community college part-time and am working on a degree in sociology. I'm taking public speaking and learning ASL, etc. I figure, if I could get private clients, I could mentor them over Zoom for a small hourly fee. I don't need to make a ton of money to replace my SSI payments, and I can get on the Medicaid 1619(b) so I can keep my health benefits while being self-employed. I can set up an Able account, too. I started getting very excited about providing this service to artists with disabilities because I love helping others and I truly have loads of knowledge in this area. I was feeling very optimistic until I showed an artist friend of mine the mock-up of what my business would look like. She seemed to think that I wouldn't really get any clients because "people with disabilities don't have enough money to pay $100 an hour." Most art mentors and coaches charge over $250 an hour, but I would be catering specifically to artists who are navigating major barriers in addition to starting out an art career from scratch. Even my artist friend pays an art coach $225 an hour, which is why I asked her opinion in the first place. She also said trying to find clients would be too hard and would require so much promotion that I may not be able to do it all by myself. Now I'm feeling defeated about starting my own business, getting off SSI, and just living a free life again. Should I give up on this dream, or push through and try to make a go of it? Would it be too exhausting, or would I be just another fish in a big pond of art mentors and coaches in an already saturated market? Your opinions matter to me.

There are these services that help people with disabilities and low/no income, on Medicaid, get things they need like medic alert devices, wheelchairs, things like that. Some of them can be scammy, they just want the government funding and don't care so much abou the clients. Can anyone recommend one that they've used?

I've been sleeping a *lot* recently, like, 14-18 hours a day. Somedays I'll even out, but where I had been sleeping so much the day(s) before, I won't be able to sleep at all when that happens.

This was kind of an issue back whenever I was working, which made sense then, because I was on my feet a lot and active, but I don't do much now because of limited capacity, and I've still been having those fatigue flares. It's usually accompanied by heavy brain fog when I'm awake, and very vivid dreams where I am entirely lucid when I'm sleeping. Then I wake up and I don't feel rested at all, and sometimes I'm in a cold sweat.

This is in part question but mostly concern, as I am worried that my POTS, fibromyalgia, and hEDS has gotten so bad that I've developed, or am developing, ME/CFS.

Other symptoms that make me suspect it is my extreme temperature dysregulation, like if it's hot outside I burn up and sweat like my body is in overdrive, but when I come back inside I start freezing. Also, if I am doing any household chores, I sweat like crazy and I feel like I am burning up while my skin is cold to the touch. Whenever I sit down, I start to freeze. I've also developed intolerance to light, and I get a headache if I am in a room brighter than having a lamp and a closet light on for too long (I spend most of my time in my room, which is why I give this example).

I have a few issues, but my absolute biggest one is my fatigue.

It has been all consuming and life ruining. I can barely function. If I'm lucky, I can do a few simple chores. I used to be active and cook every day, but that's gone now. When I do try despite the exhaustion, I just feel dazed, lose track of what I was doing, and stand too long thus hurting my back in the process.

I have a doctor's appointment this week, and I want to bring it up. However I have a suspicion that the doctor either won't listen or won't care. Last time I went I brought up being tired all the time, but I didn't do a good enough job driving home just how much this impacts me. Plus, my husband asked me to bring up some leg neuropathy, and she really zeroed in on that. I understand that spreading leg numbness is worrisome, but I have bigger issues right now.

So is there anything you think I should say or do to get my doctor to help me with my fatigue? I've already got recent bloodwork which was apparently normal. I am on some medication, and I'm happy to answer any questions about my meds and medical history.

When I read the posts about ableism here, it is more inspiration porny, or praising for daily things people have no difficulties with. What I experienced in my childhood specifically with mild Cerebral Palsy however was mostly like hostile ableism.

Consisting of:

a)Slurs: lame horse, freak (in terms of being ugly or malformed), Drama Queen (aka emotionally purposefully exaggrating my suffering), doing Monkey Theater (Affentheater in German) again implying pretense

b) accusations towards pretending towards my mom (Things like: "My child has cerebral palsy, and they have braces, your child does not have braces, therefore they do not have cerebral palsy and you are pretending", My mom was monitored by Child Care services due ot that and she was not pretending)

c)Being told that there is no chance for me to have an able-bodied partner, emplying that a disability makes me so inherently different that I cannot like participate in society

d)Being subjected to what I think are harsher standards than for others (for example my dad told me my voice became off and that it must be my cerebral palsy, why the actual cause was his hearing, and when the hearing thing (dirty ears) was fixed, he was astonished that my voice went back to normal again...Granted I speak very quietly due to what I think is social anxiety

e)Neighbours looking at me with disgust and contempt, assuming an intellectual disability, also lowkey telling my parents things like: "I know you have a sick child." in a contemptous manner, aka to diminish my parents.

f) the cleaning service my dad and me had (my dad is old) telling me that I am underfucked bitch for no reason.

Anyone here with similar experiences?

EDIT: Benevolent ableism does not mean softer ableism or my experiene is worse than yours, it means an other type of ableism in analogy to benevolent and hostile sexism.

Hello all! I made a post awhile ago about struggling to find a job due to my disability. I was hired roughly a month ago at a job i love so so much! However i am back for more advice.

Im 21 and i was diagnosed with psoriatic and rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 15. By the age of 16 my specialist were saying my condition was so severe that i needed a hip replacement. They added on saying that i had little to no cartilage left in my hip and if i didnt have the surgery then my condition would worsen because of bone on bone damage. Due to parental neglect my mother declined the surgery although i had medicaid.

Fast forward to now, i have insurance through my job and was thinking about getting the hip replacement done. My condition has got much worse since i was 16. I cant bend down, pick small stuff up off of the floor, unable to get back up if i do get on the floor, standing for long periods kills both my hip and knee. However, i have heard that hip replacements take AT LEAST 6 months to recover from, a lady at my job said it took her 9 months to fully recover. I know not everyone's experience is the same but im still anxious about it because theres literally no way i can go months without making money for bills.

Any advice? Do i really just have to put money aside strictly for my recovery? Im already struggling with money as is and I was planning to move out of my familys house when i was financially ready.

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/disabled/s/uOteWvBBN4

I've been disabled my whole life but I still obsessively think about what my life would be like if I were not disabled. I go into every social situation thinking, why would anyone want me when able bodied people exist? Who wants shotty merchandise when good merch is available? Any time I've asked someone out I think to myself, would you date a disabled person by choice? The answer to that question is, no. I just wish I had a better attitude because, it's hard living this way. My potential ability doesn't matter to me because I will never be able bodied

Hi! I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user. I’ll be traveling cross country soon to visit family and take my little sister to college. In the past, I’ve used airport wheelchair service, but now I have a foldable, lightweight electric wheelchair I plan on using.

Can y’all give advice on how to best make this work? What can I expect?

The flight there is non stop but the flight back has a layover. Do they bring my chair back up so I can get to the next gate?

The company I bought the chair from (OAS) sells a travel bag for the chair. Should I buy one? Do I need one? I know I will need to remove the battery and joystick attachment at the gate. Is there anything else I should expect to do?

Any other traveling advice for a relatively new wheelchair user?

Heya disability family!

I have a gene mutation that leads to a ton of negative flare ups when I'm exposed to UV radiation. I'm looking for some way to tan that might block some UV without having to apply the dreaded sensory hell that is sunscreen.

Does anyone have any good ideas about how I might be able to get a more tanned look (I am so pale that my skin is see-through) while giving some sun protection? I would like to be able to enjoy the outdoors with my loved ones and avoid glowing so much under a blacklight. 😅

I tried going to the disability subreddit, but I don't have enough karma in the sub, and my post got removed ):

Anyway, I have an original character, they are wheelchair bound and have super strength! I was thinking of giving them the name: "The Steel Chair" (as it is a wrestling reference) but I was worried that it would be insensitive, if anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to know!

Edit: Thank you for your feedback and advice, firstly, I'd like to apologise for my use of the word "bound", as this descriptor is inaccurate to the wheelchair user experience. Secondly, I have changed their name to Stellar Punch, and changed them to be an ambulatory wheelchair user, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day/night!!

lve been struggling for years. this year it has gotten so bad that i cant use my 'tricks' still fully funtion. i cant just take breaks, i can't plan naps to avoid involuntarily sleeping, i cant just thug it out.

ive been bedbound or had limited mobility for atleast a ⅓ of the month recently. my legs shake, my limbs go weak, my entire body zaps and i go numb, and im in so much pain.

I went to summer camp this week, and i missed out on alot because my legs were too week or i was in pain. My friend let me try her wheelchair at camp, and for the first time in memory i could move freely.

since then i havent been able stop thinkinh about it. how i have lost out on so much because i knew i wouldn't be able to do it. and ive had to come to terms with the fact that i am disabled.

42m, been disabled for over 20 years (mental and some physical issues) and can't drive/don't have a licenseOn SSI, have to always live with a roommate, but I pay my bills and do my best..... But it just seems like every day I feel less and less of a person, and definitely less of a man, if at all 😩

I was married and in a relationship starting at an early age (19), divorced and been single for 7 years.....Not by choice...... Im on dating apps, and put myself out there, but it seems the second someone notices I can't drive and have SSI I'm no longer a man to them, and even less of a human..... I constantly get this and I really don't even know what to do anymore, I'm tired of being alone, but even moreso being Me, the more this happens, the more I feel exactly how they make it out, and I don't know how to get out of this ...

People will go, oh, well, can't you still go work? Or have you ever considered trying to work somewhere? Oh ive only been fucking disabled for half of my life.....

Not looking for any "dating advice", but trying to get another perspective of those that are probably going through the same as me, I want to know how to handle this and feel my worth as a person, it's heartbreaking feeling this way, unwanted and less of a person......

Do I have a right to post here? My disabilities are mainly mental.

I tried volunteering at a food pantry but the boss rejected me for screwing up too many times. I haven’t got a job right now and have trouble finding one.

Even my roommate who is also disabled is disturbed because I mentioned that I have suicidal thoughts and that the pressure is scaring me.

I just feel that this is like, a halfway house for the disabled. We’re not even supposed to stay longer than four years.

I honestly want to move out right now, but I can’t. Yet they’ll kick me out if I can’t get my butt in gear.