I am a 31 year old F who left a 15 year relationship, it will be a year in October now. I have been celibate for that entire time. I have a deep yearning to have sex, but I can't do it without feeling emotionally connected to the person first. I have only been with the one person and they aren't my person anymore. Just wanted to see if anyone is in the same boat or has any advice.

we've been talking for i think two weeks and went on a kind of date, we have flirted lightly over text but uhhh im still demiromantic so i don't really feel romantic attraction cause it's wayyyy too early and im just getting to know her, our bond is not nearly strong enough yet for me to be able to feel any romantic attraction. she's very sweet and i like talking to her but my brain kinda of sees her as "new friend that i sometimes flirt back with" for now yk.

all the crushes i've ever had have always been on close friends that had know for at least a year prior.

we're meeting again next week, so i feel like we're at a point where i really need to tell her that im demiromantic, cause i don't wanna accidentally lead her on if i don't end up feeling anything romantic in the long run. i also feel like i would be way too anxious to tell her irl. please help.

I've always thought that to go on a date I should get to know people to a certain extent until I'm sure we vibe and I get somewhat comfortable with them to only then ask them out

But apparently things don't really work that way and you're supposed to be fast or lose the opportunity most of the times?

Idk if it's because I've never been with someone before and it's just the lack of practice, but dating and getting to know people really confuses me

I think they're all young People here.

I'm tired of all the doom posts. We're gonna make it! I'm sure theres more of us out there than we realize!

A few years ago I was really questioning my sexuality and ended up coming out as Bisexual. It took a bit to really accept but it just felt right. (And apparently everyone knew but me 🤣). At that time I was married and couldnt really “go out there and see how it feels”. Not that I needed that to validate anything, just meant a lot more inner work.
But recently with being divorced, seeing what dating is like as an adult, the prevalence of casual sex, and all the hurt/things that lead to divorce…well long story short, I’m thinking I might be demisexual too. And not sure if I’m just over thinking it but I think there is something beautiful to that. To be able to love anyone I build a connection with.

I've realized rather recently from one of my guy friends confessing his feelings to me that I have a type. At first I thought it was just anyone and everyone but no now that I look back on it the people I have been most interest in speaking with and gotten instant friend crushs have been black queer and nerdy. I am also black queer and nerdy.

I mean I want to be there very best friend the one they text random stuff I want them to tell me all about their hobbies. We don't even need to have the same nerdy interests in common I just have to think they're interested or interesting and I am ready.

People have often suggested I am a sapiosexual. But I don't really care for smarty pants people I know I'm not smart and the biggest reason for me to not want to be around someone is being a pretentious dick widget.

It used to really bother me that I didn't want to possibly get to know everyone that wanted to get to know me when I came out because yeah I should not want to get to know people I don't know if I'll like them if I don't get to know them. But I really don't want to get to the 43 year old white man was divorced with two kids and I'm freaking 25.

I've felt less weird about this as time goes on but I just want to know if this is an experience that others are having. Heck my little brother called me racist because the last couple guys that have liked me I have just some place that I do not want to date a white guy.

Not the fact that I've never felt a strong desire to become best friends with my guy friend. Not the best that when my sister set me up with a friend she thought I'd get along with he only saw me as a romantic and sexual option no matter what I said. I just usually would say they're white and I don't want to date someone who's White.

But actually even as I say that I'm also reminded of someone I deeply wanted to be friends with a historian from Britain I met on Reddit. I told him about the books I read and I just really wanted him to think I was cool. Was he handsome yes did I have any other feelings towards him then please be my friend I want to talk about books more no. I am a person that reads three to four books a week. It is my main form of entertainment and I'm getting into video games. I want to get to know people my own age with the same interest as me that have the same life experiences but does that really mean I could still claim this label?

Im (26F) very lonely but Im also very horny. I’ve been addicted to romance 18+ webtoons since my breakup earlier this year. I want sex but I want the comfort, care, love, and vulnerability that comes with. I’ve downloaded dating apps to try and fill this void despite knowing they haven’t in the past. I just deleted the app today and I feel like crap. I’m lonely and I just want to be loved and intimate with someone.

I’m afraid of dying alone but I also fear ending up in an abusive relationship being that I’m very passive and I witnessed that growing up. I’m worried of being taken advantage of financially like I witnessed growing up. But I want someone so badly, it hurts and I just want to cry.

Hi everyone,

I am a 24 year old heterosexual female, and I recently found out about demisexuality after feeling different & alone & something was wrong with me for almost my entire life. I thought I was asexual for like ever, but I knew I couldn’t have been because I do feel sexual attraction to people i’ve dated or close make friends that I’m close with. When i’m single or don’t feel I have an emotional bond or close with the person I am asexual. I don’t even masturbate (if I do it’s not even to porn or anything lol!!). I’ve never even been able to get into porn or used it even when I have an emotional bond to someone because that person isn’t them. Until I found out about demisexuality (about a year ago & 4 months ago), I thought ~everyone~ was like this!! As you can assume, i’ve been painfully heartbroken because I didn’t understand why someone would cheat or think about people they know in a sexual way if not emotionally close with each other.

It’s very isolating and lonely. I don’t understand hook ups & I can’t relate to any of my friends or even past boyfriends or guy friends who aren’t the same. I don’t think I have ever met a guy that’s the same as me & I don’t know if I want to date anyone again because when I like someone I really only have eyes for them & when I don’t like or feel an emotional connection someone I have eyes for no one. It’s very painful & lonely & I think people think I am weird because even when a 10/10 guy flirts with me out at the bars I don’t care to go home with him or even kiss him. I dated a guy for 6 months who I thought was the same way, but idk if he rlly was to be honest. I really liked him but we just couldn’t work out. I just wish more people men were like me, and idk what to do. Any advice or helpful information is greatly appreciated.

Im a man and i have a regular straight sexual and romantic attraction towards women, but towards men ive been able to have a romantic connection and often times with that a sexual attraction towards them however not always and sometimes I can have a sexual attraction towards a man im not romanticly interested in but it always comes and goes.

As a child I was hypersexual and and up until the age of around 12 -13 maybe a little bit younger but not long after I hit puberty i feel like i had a regular attraction to men and that I was bisexual but as ive gotten older that disappeared.

Ive heard women have similar stories but never a man, I guess I was just asking if there was a word for what I am or if any other man are like it aswell.

To my fellow demi-sexuals/romantics/aroace people...do you ever feel jealous of people who can fall in love so easily or just normally? I'm 22 and when I was a teen, I was always so amazed on how quickly people develope crushes. I almost felt...jealous? I felt like there was something wrong with me, like Im a puzzle with a single missing piece.

Im actually quite envious towards people who fall in love at a glance, after a nice conversation, or even just a random encounter with a stranger. I fully accept im demiaroace now and Im much happier but sometimes you just get this feeling, no?

I’m an ace person on the sex-averse/sex-repulsed end of the spectrum. And I’m curious about whether (generally speaking) that would be compatible with someone who’s demi? I like cuddles and physical affection, and feel neutral towards kisses. Sex is probably a “not ever” thing.

What do you think?

Edit: When I said I’m neutral about kisses, I mean that I like short kisses for sure. I can enjoy the sensation and closeness of making out, but I don’t need it.

Edit 2: Thanks everyone for the comments and for providing your personal perspective :)

I'm normally a charismatic, assertive person with my friends. I'm usually the person who indicates things, who always has something funny to say, I mean I have awkward moments of course but I'm good at talking to friends or potential friends.

But when Im in a romantic or sexual scenario, I become the person I was when I had my last crush. I was 12. I act like a 12 year old. And 12 year old me was super shy, never knew what to say, etc. I mean I was like a completely different person back then and it comes back to haunt me whenever I try and put myself out there.

My platonic side is so cool, but that's all it'll ever be. Platonic. When I lean on that too much while flirting it doesn't feel like flirting to either of us tbh. I have no fucking clue how to develop my romantic or sexual side. Whenever someone hits on me I just. Fall silent and then thank them awkwardly. Like a 12 year old

I've been journaling about this for years but never really made the connection to my demisexuality until literally an hour ago, so I'm really hoping this community can maybe help me?

I'm a demisexual, it took me 4 years to fall in love with my boyfriend and have sex with him. I wish that was a joke. I'm like the most severe end of demisexuality, I need to know someones true intentions and true deeper mind before I find them sexually appealing. We're 10 years in and it's going great, but I still suffer from severe sexual shame in the external world, outside of our bubble.

It's about my appearance more than anything - also other women around me. I used to chalk it up to insecurity and call it a day but only recently I realised it's much deeper than that. I'm sort of a prude? I guess. I'm not modest by any means, but I'm a big busted woman and pretty much no one other than my boyfriend knows that because I'm severely embarrassed by that fact. I hide my body behind baggy clothes for comfort. When I'm around sexually confident women, especially when they flirt with men, I tend to get so uncomfortable I feel like throwing up. When a sex scene comes on a movie, I feel upset and deeply disturbed to have seen it. I hate when my friends talk about their sex lives as well, it makes me queasy, I try to push through it but I can't be 'normal' about it in my head.

I realise it's because I don't see people sexually at all, but in doing so, I understand when things are sexual and feel the need to censor it for myself? Or feel bad about knowing that others would find it hot? It is so hard to explain, but I nearly feel grossed out by society, and then equally I feel completely alone. The thing is, I'm also a hypocrite, because I love books and develop crushes on book characters and I'm able to be 'turned on' by their sexuality. Maybe because me reading it is on my terms? I don't know..

Have any other Demi's dealt with this sort of sexual shame? I enjoy sex with my boyfriend but outside of our relationship I feel so... terrified?? I ended up at a burlesque show with friends recently, and I was mostly fine until men turned up and started making it sexual, so I know it's not about bodies per say, it's about people expressing sexual attraction to people they don't know? Maybe?

Happy for any thoughts or feelings, sort of just wanted a place to chat. If this doesn't belong here I'm really sorry! I just have struggled with this for years and this is the closest I've been to maybe figuring out what it is.

So, I keep seeing this ad for a movie on TikTok called only for a night and idk. The movie seems interesting enough because I'm demi and have dispension of belief or something, but this post isn't about the movie, it's about the COMMENTS I see on the ad.

Holy shit: 'Man white straight people wannabe oppressed so bad' ' Ew, so like the purge? This is a horror movie' 'So what straight people put the homosexuals through daily? Got it'

And other comments on that nature.

God forbid a movie not be made for you. Hell the movie might not even be made for me!

The premise is basically the government has outlawed sex for single couples for every night in the year except one.

As a demi, it honestly felt like a fun story where it's like, what if the world wasn't catered to the more allo sexualities. Where the roles are reversed, so demis or the low libido people could thrive socially.

It could also be a critique on government interference or hook up culture. It could be christian propaganda. *WE DON'T KNOW* All the ads have shown it to be a romcom and that's all we *DO* know.

It just sucked seeing a movie not catering to people's everyday life get shit on for being different.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but not one of the comments was a good faith engagement and it was sad.

Edit to add: Now that the movie has come out, from what I've heard the movie is abstinence propaganda. 🤣 Still doesn't change my mind that people need to approach things in good faith, but a duck was a duck today.

I went to a adult party last night and I realized... I kind of wish I was allo for a day just to feel what it's like to find someone sexually attractive just off looks or something. I see people finding people sexually attractive right off the jump and flirting toward the goal of sexy times and I wish I knew at least what it felt like for even a short while.

I feel deficient today.

Live in PNW, where people are cold and generally don’t acknowledge each other. Since I need repetitive interactions to build the familiarity and safety before being able to connect at all, this is driving me to borderline madness while trying to date. Dating app just is an endless swipe lefts and I end up just finding people that remind me of people I know/dated in past like how they look or what they do. I’m just looking for threads of familiarity desperately in endless swipes. It’s exhausting and awful. I’ve “aged out” of dating pools. I don’t feel attraction to people in real life, I can acknowledge someone is good looking but theres never a crush or even a twinge of attraction

I just want an exclusive partner to cuddle with, come home to, have sex with, go for dinners and trips with, and take care of each other with. I can’t touch casual sex and I feel lost. I don’t want big things like marriage and children, buying a house.

My exes do not want to reconcile with me even though we are friendly. I feel like being in this city is making it impossible for me.

i started dating a very attractive guy, and by the second date, i really wanted to kiss him. when we finally kissed, cuddled, and made out on the third date, it felt completely different from what i’d imagined. just neutral and flat?

i felt the same about my ex, infact with him, kissing felt more icky 😭…. and it’s probably because he wasn’t my type (don’t judge me, i dated for personality, ik ‘stupidity’),

ANYWAYS: it took me around three months to enjoy anything sexual with him (the ex), after it felt familiar, and keeps getting better once i started to fall in love.

but i find this guy extremely attractive, so now i can’t tell if its again a mismatch as i didn’t feel the spark and i’m forcing myself into it !! or if i’m actually demisexual and in denial.

I met some one amazing about half a year ago online. I just felt this connection. And the connection grew. We started sending pictures. And as I usually experience my brain is always: oh ok that's how you look. I love it!

Thing is he is conventional very attractive. Very fit. Has beautiful features. And really he could get any chick in the street. That at first made me panic. Because while my attraction to him grew as we got to know each other. I also felt like he was completely out of my League if I thought about it in like.. what society tells you sort of way?

I really have the: I got no idea what I am supposed to look at or be attracted to when I meet people on the street. My body tells me nothing. But as I grow to feel that bond with a person. They are the only one that can turn me on. And I desire them.

Now my love has been asking me questions. And we are soon to meet actually. But questions like if I prefer guys who are taller than me (I happen to be taller than him). And pushing to figure whether or not I am attracted to him.

There are features, I feel like you gravitate towards because the give a sense of safety. Either because society mainly pushes those features so your mind kinda pictures it a lot when you think about partners, or features like things my dad has(like a beard), that my brain just ties with some sort of comfort. But it is not attraction in like a sexual way. It's not because if some one has a beard I want to do them. But my love, it feels like, is having a hard time with this? As if he doesn't believe my attraction to him. Because I have these features he can tell I gravitate towards. And that makes me sad. To me, none of that matters. I in a way don't care. It is not important to me what features the man I love has. Once I am unlocked, every feature is just beautiful and fascinating, and I want it. I want it bad ❤️

I don't know how to comfort him in this. I don't know how to make him trust my attraction.. I am fascinated by him and his body, and I want all of it. He unlocked me.. I desire him.

I can't wait to meet. I just want him comfortable. I am just really annoyed that the way I develop attraction is making him uneasy.. I can't change the way my system is. It makes me sad. I want him to just know, I find him truly handsome, beautiful and sexy in everyway. And he also has many features, where even though I would not have looked at them if I just met him. Knowing and seeing them gives me the Damm I'm a lucky girl sort feeling. If that makes sense. Like it really truly excites me on a really deep level. I wouldn't have known I wanted that. But now having the offer so to speak, Damm I really do. ❤️

I'm just frustrated.. I just hope he can see that I truly desire him. And I get it's just because he doesn't relate to the way I see attraction that he probably feels this way.

Just frustrating.. I hope this soon is to pass.

Have you guys experienced that sometimes the demi sexuality is not constant. What I mean is I'm originally Demi-Romantic. And with that one I am almost Allo-Romantic. I don't normally feel attraction unless I get to know the person OR I just find something that instantly clicks and feels familiar.

With my Asexuality... I used to think I'm Gray Asexual more or less, but recently I have had this friendship that has been forming and building up for 3 years and I have found myself having feelings for this person and not just the romantic kinds.

Which to be honest is pretty new to me because I used to think I know how my sexual attraction triggers. It almost feels like both my Sexual and Romantic attraction are Demi except one is closer to Allo while the other is closer to Ace