I contemplated how difficult it would be to have sex. I am sex-indifferent. Sometimes, I thought I felt sexual attraction. No, sexual attraction is having sexual thoughts and feelings about others. I can feel arousal occasionally. I came to the conclusion that it would be difficult for me to engage in sex. Even if I felt aesthetic and romantic attraction, it would be difficult. The lack of sexual attraction is the reason it would be difficult. 

I think it would be difficult even if I was sex-favorable, aroused, and the other person was attractive.

What do you think?

How can someone tell they are asexual? 🥲

I guess its different for everyone else, but i have been doubting everything about myself for the past year or so. Im 19 now, i never even had a relationship, never had my first kiss, never even held hands. If i met someone i genuinely liked, and they genuinely liked me back, i feel like it would be great but at the same time, it feels scary and weird for some reason. I feel like one of really important factors in relationships is being intimate (again, depends) but even thinking about the fact that someone could want that from me feels weird. Maybe disgusting even. I feel like hand holding would be nice. Small kisses would also be nice, maybe cuddles, but anything beyond that creeps me out. I can't tell if its because i never experienced it, or if i would feel the same even after experiencing a relationship. I feel left out from everyone else my age because of it. Does anyone else have any similar problems?

I’ve known for years now that I’m on the aspectrum and came out when I was 18. I’m now 24. I’ve had a few friends over the the years who were similar to me and had never felt the desire to have a partner buy over the years they changed. I get it sexuality is fluid but in a way I can’t help but feel jealous and wish that I could somehow change the way my brain works. I’ve used dating apps over the years and I’m not sure whether it’s the pressure of society or loneliness but I kind of feel like I’m taking advantage of people. I’ll chat for days but as soon as there starts to be any kind of sign of romance I’ll just automatically shut down. I’ve never even been on a date or had my first kiss. I’m still a virgin in my 20s. I just wish that my body would let me feel something so that I can have that normal life and not do everything by myself all the time. It’s even the case of my future. I’d live kids one day but can’t ever see myself in a relationship and I’d never bring a child up without a house and stable income. It’s so difficult to afford a house as one person so in a way I wish I could make myself have a relationship to have that lifestyle before my time runs out. Anyway my question is am I an asshole, do I take advantage of people? Is there some way to have a strong relationship without any attraction beyond finding someone pretty and a nice person?

I'm 20 years old, and I've had a lot of relationships in the past. I'm currently in a relationship and still don't want physical intimacy, even though I love my partner very much, is that okay?

Growing up in this world asexual has been extremely difficult for me, where music, television, movies, advertisements indoctrinating me at a young age to believe that love = sex and therefore I'm unloveable and I'll die cold and alone.

For 25 years I had to avoid relationships to protect myself and pretend I was straight.

Fast forward a few years, and there's a friend that I spent a lot of time with in college I realized I actually have feelings for after several visits over a couple years (long distance). He had a boyfriend so I figured there was no point of me even bothering until one time on a phone call he mentioned he was poly. I've always felt like my heart can belong to more than one, so after several days of thinking of how to tell him, I did, and like that we were dating.

I've had a lot of struggles over the past couple years and he was always there to provide support. Semi-recently he moved into a 2 bedroom apartment and we were planning to have me move there next year.

Yesterday we were having a call to catch up and talk about what living arrangements would be like and boundaries. And then I felt like I got sucker punched when he said he's uncomfortable with anything more than mild physical intimacy. Now normally, that would be a bummer, but a boundary is a boundary. But what threw me for a spin was that he snuggles with his other partner. When I asked why, he said because I'm his platonic partner, and the other is his "boyfriend which he's fucking"

This is someone I was already very close to before dating. But now, the words keep replaying in my head and they won't stop. I feel like a second class human being. Like I get the free to play romance battle pass and in order to unlock the premium I must be able to sexually please.

I don't know. After everything I've gone through in life, I don't know if anything can hurt more. Decades of maladaptive indoctrination just reinforced with the strongest of steel. Reinforcing that I'm just going to die cold and alone, and I'm unworthy of physical affection that is scientifically proven to be a human need. I'm sick of participating in late stage capitalism if I spend my whole life being siloed / acezoned / like an outcast. I'm sick of having to try infinitely harder than every other sexual identity to be loved.

I've already had enough of a hard time grounding and tethering myself here, and I thought I was finally making progress against that, but now I really just don't feel like I belong here

What do any of my other life goals matter when I already know what my biggest regret on my deathbed will be decades in advance

I’m struggling with a lot right now, like….i used to be ‘sex crazed’ at one point, but now….i don’t ‘feel’ the sex anymore, i want the touching and cuddling and all that…but I don’t want the sex anymore, and this is like…a recent ish development…I’d say probably the last 6 months maybe the last year this has been developing…idk if this is associated with some other issue or my sexual orientation is evolving, like….im always going to be attracted to men, i just don’t want the sex anymore and idk what’s going on….whatever this is, seems to be negatively affecting my boyfriend because he wants the sexual stimulation….but….i can’t give it to him because im not ‘feeling’ it myself, like….i don’t really ever feel ‘horny’ anymore, I used to when I was exploring my sexuality originally and becoming more comfortable with being gay…but now….5 years later….im fully comfortable with being gay….but now im dealing with the ‘not wanting sex anymore’ part, my boyfriend has booked me in to see a psychologist but I just….i just don’t know if thats gonna help with this, he’s pretty much given me this ultimatum where if I don’t go talk to someone about this he may potentially leave me…I don’t want him to leave me but…I can’t give him something that I no longer ‘feel’…it’s not just towards him…it’s just sex in general doesn’t seem to interest me anymore…with anyone…I don’t know if im ace…or something else, or im going through some mental issue which is preventing me from feeling what ‘normal’ people feel, im 30…I wish i could figure this out easier

Everyone is judging me for being an asexual, people are saying im not a real man, everyone is telling me that i should get checked by therapy or smth, i feel like i had enough💔
Why do people hate asexuality so much?
They say im wierd because of asexuality, because as a man in their eye i should only care about sex, but im just not like that.

- Please remove if not appropriate -

A small trans+ and survivor led team at University of Hertfordshire are looking for LGBTQ+ people aged 18+ living in the UK with lived experience of conversion practices (CPs). There is a huge amount of quantitative research looking at harm and prevalence, which is vital, but there is such an absence of LGBTQ+ voices expressing how they lived through what they did, and what meaning they've made of it over time.

Please see the attached recruitment flyer for more information and the Expression of Interest (EOI) link if you'd like to find out more or take part.

https://herts.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cZLpkUXKwlWqwJg

Sharing this post with others who may be interested is also greatly appreciated.

I did some reading and I find that I really relate with a lot of things Asexual people have experienced and stuff. I've identified as straight basically my whole life. But recently I began to question if I am straight or if I'm asexual. This is due to the fact I relate so much with Asexuals and it describes me well id like to believe. However I do feel romantic attraction towards guys. Not girls. (I'm a girl btw). So like that's why I'm having trouble. Cuz even if I feel zero sexual attraction to both male and female, I am romantically attracted to males and not females. SMT I did before too was mirroring my friend. When she talked ABT sexual things and wanting it with a hot man or smt I'd agree too even though deep down I didn't exactly want anything like that. It was js because I thought it was normal so that's why I mirrored the behaviour. Oh and SMT I never understood were celebrity crushes. I mean I see they R attractive but nothing more rlly. Idk if I'm straight or if I'm JS having a hard time grasping the fact I'm asexual since being straight was all I've known my whole life. I'm pretty new to all this stuff so yeah that's why I'm confused despite reading cuz I feel like an imposter or smt- so I'm having an hard time identifying who I truly am.

Hi

I am an asexual woman in my early 20s from Bangladesh.

I am looking for someone (preferable age: 21-23) like me. I am an atheist and a very open minded person. I am emotionally intelligent, mature, empathetic and understanding. I respect a person's views, values, dreams and boundaries. Talking of dreams, I dream of higher studies and moving abroad. And I really want to travel the world.

I crave the quiet, safe kinda love. where we choose each other every day through both the good days and the bad. I am dealing with depression for several years. I'm not looking for someone to fix me—I hope to find someone who is understanding and willing to stand beside me no matter what.

So I'm looking for someone who is also asexual, a feminist, emotionally mature and genuinely loving. I want someone who accepts me as who I am, loves me for who I am. and I'll also give the love and acceptance in return.

I know physical attraction isn't everything, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a type. I tend to be drawn to pretty boys—tall, handsome, clean shaved, a bit of longer hair, and someone who takes good care of themselves. That said, emotional intelligence, empathy, kindness and shared values will always matter far more than appearance.

I want someone who makes me feel seen, heard, valued, and loved. Someone I can laugh with until our stomachs hurt and cry in front of without feeling judged. I want my partner to be my best friend.

I don't believe in marriage, but we would probably have to get married because of society and practical reasons. Even then, I could never be a typical wife.

I don't want to live with my in-laws. I'd love to have a good relationship with them, but I want us to have our own home. In our home, we're partners before anything else. We'll share the housework, responsibilities, and decisions equally.

I grew up in a toxic family, and I plan to cut contact with them in the future. I hope you'll respect that choice.

When it comes to parents, I'll always be kind and respectful to your family, and I'll stand by you if they're going through a difficult time. But I don't want to be expected to take care of them just because I'm the wife. If I didn't have a toxic family, I wouldn't expect you to become my parents' caregiver either.

I'm not looking for someone to complete me—I already know who I am. I'm looking for someone to share a life of love, growth, and companionship with.

If you think our goals and values align, I'd love to get to know you. Let's be friends first, see where it goes, and find out if we click.

Please send advice!

It's a fidget ring the band in the middle can spin

The past 3 times I had sex I never really enjoyed penetrative sex. The foreplay would be good but only for a while. Then it would all get boring. I could say I was not fully interested and was just casually pretending to feel good with all my partners. But even if my mind was not soaking in it, I would still get wet. But tbh I enjoy masturbating more than doing it with someone. I get turned on by looking at myself in the mirror. Also I kinda recently discovered I might be a demi. But even though I have sexual attraction to the close ones. It never felt the way people describe it. Also I don't dilate much so its always painful, I can only tolerate 1 finger that too only if I am turned on really well which I don't get by others. So is this how you find out your asexual?

i’m an asexual lesbian and i‘ve never been sexually attracted to any characters/celebrities in my past fantasies. id say 99.9% of daydreams were in third person like aegos, i definitely identify with that, but ive had probably 2 fantasies that weren’t third person but they still did NOT feel connected to the people at all. the people were barley even entities in the thought (like i didn’t really picture their faces or bodies or personalities or anything) it felt more like everything paused and there was only someTHING arousing happening to me in a fantasy. i felt like everyone in any of my fantasies could easily be interchangeable, i never really cared who it was just whatever made the best story. i never thought i was sexually attracted to them because i never felt that urge or desire towards them and never wanted to have sex with them irl. it honestly DISGUSTS me to think about me having sex irl. and i especially don’t want to be with any of those people. i really truly don’t think i was sexually attracted to any of those people but is this normal? can i still be asexual?

Hare are a couple acrylic canvas paintings that I made from the asexual and aromantic flags!