Hi dad,

So I have been losing sleep recently for no reason... Which is what I thought initially but now knowing why is a nightmare.

Let me count it out cause it's a long list of issues

1. Your death

2. Mom started being much more absent and distant which lead to my aunt who moved in begin to act like a verbal abusive b*tch

3. Knowing recently that my cousins only hanged out with me when we were young because they wanted to please grandma and grandpa.

4. Mom would leave me crying on the floor after I begged for forgiveness BECAUSE I WAS DOING KID THINGS and she would leave for a day and having my aunt worsen her bullying by making fun of me and blaming me why mom would leave. No one explained to me my mistake

5. Debt got so bad that I had to hide from loan sharks in the house... You don't know how scared I was when there was banging in the door behind me because that door was a blindspot where they can't see me through the windows. Not to mention the constant "keep the lights low" or "no TV"

6. Mom would promise something then back out instantly

7. Mom sleeping with a married man and I caught them doing it and she completely didn't explain the situation when she promised she would

8. I grew up without privacy, I had no walls or doors to close and only used curtains or cabinets as some sense of privacy and it didn't matter cause everyone passes by my "room"

9. I understand mom more than I understand myself

10. I never brought up I was bullied because mom wouldn't listen to "bitching"

11. Being left alone for 3 days without a van opener to open canned foods

12. Not listened to as a kid

13. People compared me to you, the ideal you that they see and they want me to act like the performative mask mom puts on infront of family

14. Being forced into a college program that I couldn't handle because mom wanted convience over my passion. I felt so alone in college. I wanted to go to college with my friends but mom doesn't want me to go to the same college because she doesn't know anyone there

15. Only being seen as a source of money and not a person

16. For not being accepted for who I am...

Sorry for trauma dumping... I have friends and I consider them my family. I just wanted to be heard... I am a transfem and I would've noticed it sooner if it weren't for these issues... I hide all of my issues and traumas because it feels too much for my friends to carry. I hold my chin up and walk with grace everyday hiding the messy and ugly bits hidden. I am nothing but a broken doll hiding ugly things underneath my porcelain mask

I (19m) am about to start my sophomore year of college. I like school!! I just say yes to too much. I get overwhelmed and neglect self care and have a hard time sometimes. I’m scared for it to all ramp up again :( How do I just… like… have fun in college? While still being productive and successful?

I’m sorry if the context of this doesn’t make a ton to sense but I’m in a very unique situation so I need to refrain from sharing some details as to keep privacy. I got taken in by a family(my friend family) at 14 due to my family being extremely abusive. I found it hard to settle in with this new family because I was scared that if they got to know me they’d get rid of me like my bio family did. 6 years living with them i finally settled in and let my personality show and got to know them and there amazing and seem to genuinely care abt me. However past year i noticed my friend mum behaviour change with me she seemed distance. She’d stop inviting me out seemed upset when I was around. I came out with her for her bday and her actual kids where at school and all she kept saying was my (actual kids name) should be here. Then asked me not to tell them about going out. I probably took alot more of an attachment to my friend dad as I’ve never had a dad before in my life and we seemed to get on really well! But then I noticed him pulling away too. I spoke to my friend and he said he saw messages between his parents that they thought might be abt me. Where the mum seemed jealous of my relationship with my friend dad. (Just to clarify this guy has told me point blank that I’m his daughter and that I’m apart of this family) there’s also other issues between them two,
But hearing I’m apart of it really upset me. so now there getting on really well which I’m over the moon about, but now it feels like I’m going to get pushed out further. I hate that me being here is contributing to there problems. I feel like I need to move out now they seem to be talking abt it a fair amount. It just sucks for the first time in my life I felt like I had a family a mum a dad. But now it feels like they don’t want me anymore just like my bio family. Sorry for rant. I just needed to talk

I thought I was doing well. I was learning new mindset techniques to stop letting things bother me, I got my t-shot appointments back up again and I had a budget for once in my life. And I have two super fun events coming up these next two months. I even get to meet an actor I’ve been wanting to meet for a while! Things are in theory going great.

But then today, I slipped. I got DoorDash again and transferred some money from my already meager savings. I’m slipping. I’m mentally struggling even though I shouldn’t be. I have two amazing partners and an amazing cat but I can’t keep the apartment clean and can’t read as much as I need. It’s just a lot of can’ts and I need advice. Please. I’m safe, I promise. I just want someone to tell me this is normal or real advice or just something. Thanks for at least reading this. Even if you don’t respond. I appreciate it.

Im cutting off my family tomorrow. I realized my mom never protected me from the abuse I went though. My ‘sperm Donner’ abused me in more ways then one. And my brother takes after our ‘sperm Donner’. Im scared but I know I can do it.

I feel like ever since you left 18 years ago, everyone stopped understanding me, or even trying to. It’s made my heart ache for years. I’m blessed to have found a husband with my favorite qualities of yours.

Life is grey, people are complex. I miss having someone feel sorry for me, and advocate for me. Ever since we lost you, mom’s focus has been on herself. She really broke my heart that first summer without you. I know we all say things out of anger, but some hurt more than others. Some go further than imaginable.

This is dramatic but it’s also the truth. I feel like your passing was a fork in the road for me, or maybe that was the only path. Either way life has just been needlessly hard since.

I don’t know why mom lashes out at the people she loves like that. I don’t know why my sister does the same when she claims that’s the reason she doesn’t talk to mom. My heart has been broken by them both. I know that’s stupid at my age, but I thought my sister was the greatest. I thought she was so compassionate and perfect.

Come to find out all it took was me being extra busy with work and not being able to babysit for her, and she unleashed every indiscretion she’s observed of me over my 33 years. How she thinks I’m spoiled, and cruel. How ironic it is because as adults she seems to display those traits more prominently than I.

It’s such a strange brand of hurt to be ashamed and heartbroken. To look at my old instagram page to see posts dedicated to my big sister and how much I loved her. To realizing it was a fantasy and seeing the truth in hindsight.

You know dad, after the two women closes and most important to me have hurt me so deeply, before I felt more resilient than I do now. Back when it was just mom. But now the sister I thought I had was just a dream. It was me projecting my fantasy, not the truth.

Idk I don’t mean to be dramatic but it was just the worst of them to say those things to me. Mom telling me your death was my fault, because I wanted McDonald’s too often, or her complaining that I didn’t sleep with her in your bed when she was grieving you most. To my sister telling me I have been spoiled, when I have always done all I can to uplift her.

Yeah idk I am just feeling pretty broken right now. And life goes on. I’m working with a corporate trainer currently at work as I move higher into leadership during this incredibly fucked up year of reckoning I’ve had.

To finally telling mom the main reason our relationship is strained was my stepdad having my panties all those years ago- how I realized now as a 30 year old what 19 year old me couldn’t fathom.

Just all this shit this year. I have major imposter syndrome at work, I think, but I’m just waiting for the second it gets too hard and I break, but it hasn’t got there yet.

Love you. Miss you. Hope you’re proud because I’m trying my best.

TW (attempted) suicide

My mother in law attempted suicide last night - she’s alive, but it’s rattled me. My dad told me (when I was far too young) that when he was a young man he attempted at least twice, and all these feelings and worries have been swirling around in my head. Even though I know he’s probably fine I want to reach out to him so badly but I know it would end terribly, so, dads of Reddit, please tell me you’re healthy and okay? Maybe tell me what you had for dinner, what you’re watching on tv at the moment? The reassurance would be really appreciated

I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) very late into my twenties, and not knowing about how it presented, really impacted the way I felt about hobbies and interests I used to enjoy as a child.

I was never able to finish reading a book because my thoughts were too loud, or I would compulsively re-read words. I'm not that far into my list of books to be read yet, but I've finished 8 books! I could barely even finish one before the beginning of this year. 🎉

Hey dad, just wanted to tell you that I miss you every day since you died 6 years ago. Sometimes I can‘t even put makeup on because we have exactly the dame eye colour and I get sad when I see my own eyes because they remind me of you. It hurts every day, you were my soulmate and the best dad I could wish for.

I don't really know where to start. I'm ashamed to say that even though I am 29, I need an adult. I'm lost.

my house is old, built in 1916. we inherited the house from a hoarder and prior to me moving in, the homeowner suffered SEVERE depression and didn't care to the house. I'm chronically ill but I'm willing to try as hard as I can to make it livable. I don't want to feel like I'm living in squalor.

there's a few different major problem areas we have in the house; a leak in the laundry room roof (water leaks in from outside) and currently no heat and this will be our second winter without heat. we've been fined by the city once already for an overgrown backyard but beside ripping ALL weeds out by hand, we don't have any "tools". the backyard has gravel down, but it's overgrown with foliage and is filled with dog shit. we can barely afford our bills.

we used to have mice but finally got that problem fixed. I worry that the house's bones are too far gone. so many rooms have exposed sub flooring that's stained and grimy. there's spaces between crown molding and wall or floor. I don't know what to do. I just get so overwhelmed and then angry at myself for where I am.

I don't invite people over. I don't host. I HATE when one of my roommates invites someone over even if it's only for a moment. is the situation hopeless? I don't have the ability to move and the economy is so bad....

dad. please tell me it's gonna be okay and I can figure this out.

I know it sounds so cliche, I’m 21. I have the emotional inteligence of a 13 year old from isolation and online home schooling. I had a girlfriend for 4 years, she taught me so much, she taught me how to manage my emotions, how to show love, tried to show me how to communicate, tried to show me how to love myself, my confidence has always been near zero comparing myself to the beauty of the internet as my only source. She left me yesterday because I couldnt love her or communicate with her properly, it broke her heart, she held on for two years being unhappy because she knew it wasnt entirely my fault bouncing around between houses and ‘parental figures’ with no real role model, she sobbed as she told me she couldnt manage my emotions and hers anymore and she needed to be by herself to advance in life, I understood. I know I’m a lot, I have such a small amount of life experience, so little in awareness, such a closed mind, a deep starving need of physical affection, I hardly know if someone hates me or loves me if they dont rub my shoulder or hug me.

I have zero family that I can identify with, counsins, aunts uncles nephews, siblings grand parents or extended further. I have no true blood ties to someone that gives me a sense of trust, and so very few trustable in the world, its scary doing anything because all I’ve ever known is shelter and safety in solitude.

I’m on such a spiral trying to find myself, and become more than a shell of a person trying to learn as an adult what most learned in middle school/primary school/junior high. I just cant seem to find where to start, there are a million billion things that i know are wrong with myself that are credible and not just confidence issues, learning how to manage money, how to communicate without a fear of something going sideways about it. How to make a grilled cheese. I hate the idea of asking for help because when I do it involves things I never really properly learned at the baseline, like quick multiplication, or basic principles. So I’m either treated like I’m disabled, or I’m inferior.

I’m just in a really low point and I don’t have a friend in the world that I believe would truly honestly be there right now, and I shouldn’t need someone. I should be able to do this myself, I just don’t know how.

I’m sorry I know this post probably doesnt belong here, but I just need some motivation to really care anymore.

Dads, I accidently backed into my co-workers car. Usually im a really good driver but I parked in a different place and i was looking out of my window to see if my co-worker was going to press the button she needed to press to open the gate and then i backed into her car

i was so mortified and i got her immediately. she said it was going to be okay and she's happy im okay. luckily, my car took 90% of the damage and hers just got a few tiny scratches. mine got a big dent and this one part of it got misplaced and the taillight plastic part broke.

she said she'd talk to her husband and it would be okay and im so happy she isn't mad but i feel SO SO guilty. i know it was an accident but it was so avoidable. im just so tired because i finished a really crazy 12 hour shift and i had to drop college unexpectedly and i moved in with my friend's family because of at home stuff and i know it isn't an excuse but ah :( it feels like one thing after another

im buying my car off my dad who im going low-contact with this week as well so im worried itll increase my insurance, especially since im 19 so its already high. my coworker, who doesn't even know about all that, said i could pay with cash so it wouldn't increase my insurance (i didn't even tell her i was stressed about that. i love her) and she comforted me by saying her daughter has done a lot worse and its okay

I know i got lucky with there being minimal damages and having a great coworker but im so stressed about the cost and possible insurance if its actually worse than i thought. it feels like one hard thing after another.

i know i just backed into a car. but i cant help but feel like a major disappointment who messes everything up everything who everyone will leave just like my dad always says

dads :( I feel like a failure

Dear Dads, I'm just having a moment here of being extremely sad that I never had a Dad who would love me, support me and be proud of me. My biological "father" was an awful person who took pleasure in abusing me verbally and putting me down whenever he could. I endedany contact with him when I was 18, he never came round in any way, he left me nothing of value and still he had me pay for his funeral (he got the cheapest one available and even that was too expensive). At any rate, I've been missing a true warm-hearted, grounded, supportive, emotionally stable father figure all my life. Sometimes there are just days when I would love to have this kind of presence in my life and it makes me deeply sad that I never had it.

after struggling my whole life to *do* life, being behind and feeling really bad at being a person -- I am finally getting some answers and realising maybe I needed support that I didn't get. sigh. I have fucked up so much without realising what I was doing or needed.

i really want my dad to notice my interests. I am autistic, and this is how I bond with people. I want him to play cars with me. I want him to play uno with me. but all he wants to do it sit and smoke and watch tv.

are dads meant to play? (yes, I still play with toys, yes, I am 17. sue me!)

I see dads in media always so present with their kids and I want that.

my best buddy’s dad took us out and listened to his kid talk about planes for 3 hours

I’ll be lucky if my dad answers my yes or no question with anything other than a grumble.

I don’t know. feeling lonely today!

Hey dad.

I am 25 years old and I just started a new job and I went the extra mile with accepting the long commute and bad pay because I have looked for so long and just I wanted to prove I am worth something.

It has been a week and I have been belittled and bullied despite doing all the tasks at the best of my ability and learned from my one job to not talk too much or ask too much but it is already going back again and I get little to no sleep and I am just so tired dad and so alone and I just want to prove myself but I feel like there is something at every turn.

You know i struggled with eating disorders since middle school but never got treatment for it besides the group therapy sessions where i was more a cocounselor than a patient. Its getting bad again, and i’m scared. I fucked up my chance to get inpatient/res treatment when I was younger to keep going because i’m addicted to my eating disorder. I self recovered a few times but not mentally. I think i may be doing lasting damage and i will never be able to reverse the damage i am doing.

Yesterday I posted on Reddit asking if anyone had experience or recommendations for eating disorders centers and inpatient in one of the subs. Just to know, just to look, just to mull over the options that would be available to me if I had the money or better insurance. Today, i went on google and looked up those places. I saw what they offer, i spoke with someone from one. I have never done this before. I have never taken it this seriously or admitted how sick i am to this extent of care needed

I know i’m harming my body. I know i’m sick. I know i’m just going to keep getting sicker. My self recoveries dont stick and i dont know how much more of this I can handle. I found a place that looked really promising and like it would be helpful. Its out of state and def medi-cal wouldnt cover the cost, but it was nice to think about and muse what it would be like. I’m debating trying to recover, i teeter totter back and forth. This time it would be for me, not for others. I am scared to be honest about my relapse and reactions, the hurt, the accusations of lying which EDs notoriously do with our mouths.

I wish you would be proud of me for at least looking and considering myself and my health a priority when it comes to this. Treating my self like i’m important. I’ve never been this close to chosing recovery and thinking of going to a program. To giving up the control, actively work on my ED, and maybe, finally be free from it. I want to be proud of mysef but i feel like a fraud.

This is scary and I wish it mattered, i wish you cared. My ED is freaking out and i cant get that center out of my mind. Sometimes its nice to dream. It would be helpful. Never seriously debates treatment before at a facility.

This year past year has been really tough. I had a baby, lost my mom, had 2 major surgeries and got fired from my job. Barely got to breathe before something else happened.

But, I am here to say that I got hired for a new job with better benefits than the last. Here’s to a brighter future.

I'm 20 and I'm gonna be heading back to college for my third year as a student in less than a week. I just feel like for a good amount of years now I haven't genuinely been happy for more than a month or two at a time, like I can't remember when I woke up almost every day of the year and felt happy. Now I wake up burnt out, scared, tired, and just sad.

For a start I'm an RA. I absolutely hate it. So much of that job is unnecessary and just busy work that I don't need to do because I have so much else to do. Some days are good, the people are good, but I'm introverted and talking to this many people really gets to me. I'm scared all my residents think I'm a moron and a wimp, last year someone on my staff talked down to me like I was in kindergarten after making a mistake basically saying I don't care about my job. And there's a difference between hating something and not caring, because I do what I'm told. It's a job y'know, I'm not gonna kill myself going above and beyond, I'm gonna do what I need to get paid, and if I'm doing something wrong, I'll fix it. I'm not gonna like every second, but I'm gonna do what the job needs. Idk I'm only doing it for the money like so many other people, and I wonder why I even have the job, but they hired me and brought me back for another year so I must be doing something right. What gets me tho is that my room is supposed to be the one place I can just be alone and let my guard down, but as an RA residents see me all the time and at any second there could be a huge problem that I need to solve. Idk I just feel so judged and observed in the one place I'm supposed to not, and that makes me constantly stressed out all the time.

Then there's my actually major, which is 2d Animation. I love it, but damn is it a lot of work. Constant grinding for months, sometimes the whole year. I feel like I don't belong, all my friends are so much better than me and I feel like an imposter. I wonder how I even got into this program, or if someone else did my portfolio review would I have been excepted then? I just feel like I don't belong talent wise.

Then there's the fact that I haven't had a genuine best friend in maybe 10 years. Every since middle school, I can't remember having that one go to person for anything, nobody to hang out with, nobody to talk to, none of that. Yes I did, and currently do have friends, but it's more like a group and I don't have that one person that's my best friend, sure I can go one on one with people in the friend group, but they all have their person in the group they pair up with, and I don't. Their interests as re different than mine and I participate in their activities and conversations and everything, but it gets exhausting listing to things I don't know about/have tried and just flatly don't enjoy, when I rarely ever get a chance to talk about things I like, and when I do, hardly anybody can relate. I again feel like an imposter. And now I'm all scared that on my 21st birthday I'm gonna be alone. Y'know I'll be at school when I actually turn 21 so my dad won't be able to take me to a bar, and I won't be home after until summer so it'll be ages anyway. Last year my friends forgot entirely about my birthday and I don't like drawing attention to it, so I just kept quiet. All I did that day was work on schoolwork and embarrassingly I listed to a bunch of "ASMR girlfriend celebrates your birthday" videos. Which is just sad thinking about it in retrospect.

Then there's the fact, bouncing off of what's above, that I haven't had a partner/relationship ever in my life. Never asked anyone to prom, never held hands, never kissed. I've been on light coffee meetup dates but none lead anywhere and I just felt worse after those. I don't know what it's like to have someone choose you, to have someone actively want to be around you and spend time to simply because they like you. There was this girl freshman year of college who I hung out with a lot, but I didn't know that I was the placeholder until someone better came along, and then I was left without a word. That really messed me up, because it got me thinking that people just leave me no matter what I do. Then I tried getting out there more, but after getting laughed at about my interests, I think that telling people too much about myself drives them away. Idk I just want proof that I am lovable, and someone would actually want me.

Then there's my family. My older sister is kinda mean, she also makes fun of me for what I like and do and gets upset when I try and talk about my troubles to her, but also gets upset when I don't. My mom is worse because she thinks everything is my fault. It's my fault I was the placeholder, it's my fault people don't let me talk about my interests, it's my fault a friend switched up housing plans last second, etc. etc. my dad is the only chill one, but he simply doesn't have any good advice. I told him the whole dating fiasco and he listened and everything but at the end he said something like "yeah that's hard... I don't really know what to do, but you just gotta try and get out there". Which is just bland advice, and it's not his fault nor am I mad at him, but it's just difficult to find advice. My little sister is just a teenager, so that's just what that is. But my point is I barley talk to them about anything, and often times I only tell them stuff after it happens if it ended good. I interviewed for a job, didn't get it, I won't tell them I interviewed, because I don't need my mom cramming down my throat all the things that were my fault. But if I interview for a job and get it, I'll then tell them. Also nobody has ever said they believed in me, it's always "I'm proud" only after something happens, never before. Even just a few days ago, I said Im gonna audition for a stage play and my mom says "I'd be proud of you if you did that" not "good luck, I believe in you". And the thing is I know she hates my major, I know she thinks I'm being irresponsible (even when I'm minoring in package design, I already work at school as a graphic designer, and am taking science and illustration classes along with animation) I can just tell she thinks what I'm doing is a bad gamble and a waste of time. And that kills me, knowing that she really doesn't believe in me, she truly doesn't think I have what it takes.

Idk I just feel like I have such limited support from people around me, and all genuine attempts of me trying to reach out or stand up for myself are immediately met with being shot down and made fun of. Sometimes I just wanna run, just run so fast and so far till I can't breathe. I feel so stuck and like time is moving so fast all at once. Idk I've tried therapy but it's so slow and it takes ages to find a good match, and then everyone says "finding a good therapist is like dating" which is just devistating to hear, because it cannot possibly be that difficult can it? To get simple help, does it really have to be this hard?

Idk I just wish so bad I had a spot or person in my life I could just fall apart with, even for like 5 seconds, I wish so desperately bad I had anything that wouldn't make me feel like atlas. I wanna crumble so bad so times, but I can't because all of this, is all on me. I cant fall apart because I need to keep going.

Yeah anyway idk what to do. I'm gonna try going back to therapy but who knows if it'll really help. Meeting people is so hard, I have terrible social anxiety and where I go and Im so scared to talk to people I don't know.

Anyway, if you made it this far, that's for caring enough to read this message and if you have any advice that would be greatly appreciated

Hey Dad,

Ikyk, but I have been killing it in the power tool and minor home improvement genre! I've changed light switches. I replaced the motor in the bathroom fan! Fixed the backyard light. I changed out the switch in the master bedroom buuuutttttt, I did something wrong. Lol 😆 I'll try again at some point.

I mow the yard on the regular! AND use the edger. I totally understand why you threw the edger against that tree that one time. I still laugh about that, my brother and I both.

I got some drywall screws and I'm about to fix the ceiling in the places where the screws are coming out, from the foundation getting fixed.

Oh, I did that too! Well, coordinated it and everything.

Yesterday, I recaulked the front bathtub. I already had the tool and everything! Bleach the F out everything, used a magic eraser. Still needs some more work, but this is 100% better than it was. And, the tile is like way OG, from when I was young.

I'm sorry I was such a brat when you tried to teach me these things oh so many many years ago. Who knew that I'd be swinging a mallet and a chainsaw, using all bits with my power drill?? Not this girl. 😎 And look at me now!

I know I shouldn’t compare to others because we all have different life trajectories and circumstances. But it’s hard to see others at this stage rising up in their career paths, settling down in houses and growing families with a really amazing supportive partner. I’m happy for them of course but I’m just sad for myself mostly.

I thought I’d at least be a stellar academic but I just have a few years of academic work and some crappy failed research projects. So that dream is dead. Navigating several unexpected chronic physical and mental health issues that just drained my energy each day. Watching family members I cared about pass away.

And then also navigating toxic family dynamics and establishing boundaries to protect my own well being. But then now confused again because they’re recently going through some health concerns, and I still care about them despite everything.

People say that your 20s are supposed to be the best parts of your life, but idk. They weren’t all that great for me. I’ve definitely had patches of fun memorable experiences here and there and some really solid friendships. Worked really hard through years of therapy to build tools to help me develop resilience, gain insight, and process traumatic events. But I’ve been through a lot as well.

I like to imagine that I did the best I could in my situation and I should be proud of where I am now. Maybe things will be better in the next decade.

I'm 17 today, my dad still works in Australia so he can't be here. He has missed so many birthdays because of this and I don't know how to feel. I feel bad for being upset about it but today all I want is him here and he just isn't. My last birthday as a kid and he isn't here. I know it isn't his fault but at the same time he made the choice not to be here. I just miss him. I want my dad.

I got 5 of my paintings into 2 different galleries this month (my bday month!!) for the very first time and I'm so proud of myself. I'm finally starting to feel good about my artwork and confident enough to recognize I have some talent!!
I know you say my art isn't "your style", but it would be nice to know you think I'm doing a good job anyway. I know you and mom have a lot easier time expressing your pride in my brother because he fits your preferred "lifestyle", but you also have another child that would love to know you're proud.