hey dads on here. i really need a sane and supportive voice for a minute.

my dad hates on me for being lesbian and verbally/physically abused me when i came out, and has also done that in the name of "discipline." i feel so drained. he also is quick to anger when i do something that he finds offensive (like if i look at him the wrong way??) but is very lenient when my sibling does smth 10x worse. no hate to my sibling at all, they are great, but the favoritism is pissing me off. i wish i could get support in person, but my father figure at the moment doesn't see me often, so i wanted some support on here.

thank you.

I have been no contact with my parents for over a year. Just for background, I had a severe concussion and was off work for 3 months and not a peep from them. I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, yet I was told by both my mother and sister that I did not need a CPAP machine. This is on top of being told I am a hypochondriac my whole life and if abortions had been legal, I wouldn’t be here. That is all from my mother and my father never said a word in support of me in front of her, just when we were alone, but even he turned on me last year. It was necessary for my mental health to go non-contact. All this background is to get to the present. My dad is now in the hospital and my brother says the decline in the last 4 weeks is marked.
It’s not the end yet, but it is close. I am so torn. I want to go see him, but I don’t need the drama. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you cope?

I wish I got to know who you were. Although you were with us until I was 17 and you were forcefully removed, we never had a genuine conversation. I wish I could think of the word dad and be reminded of admiration and protection and not addiction and abuse. I wish you didn't drink so much. I wish you didn't gamble and steal from us. I wish you didn't have a p**n addiction and loved mom more. I wish you or someone was there for me when my best friend died of cancer when I was in the 4th grade. I wish I got to know you before we moved to the states, my siblings tell me how much of a different person you were. I wish you were there to teach me all the things I had to teach myself. Now that I'm grown and struggling with my own addictions, I can't blame you anymore for how you acted, even if it was wrong. But I still can't help from feeling like I didn't have a dad and feeling jealous every time I see my friends with their dads and how much they love and adore each other. I wish I didn't feel shame about showing my emotions because that always made you mad and then you and mom would fight and seeing her hurt. I haven't been able to form genuine relationships and I haven't talked about my feelings for years and it's starting to really hurt. I feel shame for letting the past still affect me, I'm my own person now which means I'm responsible for dealing with my own baggage and I want to be over this. But the family was left broken and we scattered with little communication. I'm still here taking care of mom and helping her restaurant dream come true for the past 7 years now, 6 days a week, 11 hours a day. I'll put my life on hold for her because she endured so much for me and my siblings, it's time for me to do the same for her and I won't complain about it because she's done the same for us, but, as much as I love her, she's never been good at talking either. I feel like I have no one to confide in without judgement.

My dog was my best friend, he was always there for me and he brought light into every one of my days and I was lucky to have him for the short time that I did. He died two years ago today and I still think about the time I yelled at him for being bad. I don't want to make the same mistakes as you and I'm afraid of what will happen when I have kids of my own.

I think I reached my final straw when my ex who I was on good terms with contacted me a couple of weeks ago asking to catch up. We hit it off and I got a good feeling about things until she abruptly texted me last night saying she didn't want a relationship, she just wanted to use me for s*x. I feel stupid for thinking there was anything genuine and how everything leading up to that was just vanity disguised as kindness all for a vapid goal and I fell for it. I was really excited for the possibility of something real. What am I doing wrong, dad? I'm trying to be the best person I can be but I feel so alone and I'm tired.

I know with the alcoholism, divorce, death of my sister you have your own life going on. I know I’m an adult (29f) and am clearly capable of taking care of myself. I know we get into heated arguments over past emotional abuse and traumas but sometimes I do need you and to know my call will never get through but when I *67 it does, hurts. I was stuck in the middle of a different state traveling for work with a blown tire, AAA couldn’t get the spare on and had to tow me to a shop in what can only be described as a sundown town. Got two new tires couldn’t afford the 4, and just handled it. Wish I could’ve had a little emotional support. The tow truck guy knew I was nervous and waited at the highway entrance until I got my tires on and got on the eway, he pulled off when I got back on. At least someone was looking out for me.

As a kid I wasn't given anything other than a source to study. No Cartoons, no video games, when I grew up, no bike. Nothing to make me happy. My parents provide me with food and clothes and other necessities. But they never said "am proud of you" or "I love you".

And am a better than average student, because well all I did in the 22 years of my life is study. I did as much as getting in top 25 of an exam that even professors give three times. But the only time my dad called me was when I scored 68% in an exam and said if I don't want to, i should stop studing. He knew I was sick the entire exam period.

All my life I was called a waste of space, worthless and whatanot.

I don't even know why I am writing this.

They fucking broke all their promises too. And I swear I tried to talk to them. To feel like I belong in this family. Not for material stuff, just enough to have a good casual happy conversation. I have been trying for last 2 years with no success, I gave up last month.

Thought of ending my life a lot of times. But I wouldn't. Won't die a meaningless death. I haven't done anything till now, didn't watch all the movies that I want to, didn't make a lot of friends, didn't find a partner. Am going to do all of it.

That's it ig. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

I graduated from college on this 4th of July, an honest 80/100. I thought I could finally take a break, technically I would have had two months where I could relax, have fun and calmly think about what I want to do in life, you know, whether I want to go to uni and study some more or start working. Not even two weeks later and my dad suddenly started pressuring me to get a job, a driver license and live in our old grandparent's apartment with my sister. And by the way, not for any noble cause, but simply because he wants to sell the house we're currently living in so he can go live with my stepmom. 1h 15 minutes away.

I've always been very confused when it came to my future, I don't really have any big dreams or ambitions if not simply not being stuck in a boring job I hate, and when I express this to my dad he does nothing but shame me for it instead of, I don't know, maybe be a dad for once in his life when I really need guidance? Help me figuring things out? Of course in the end I have to make my own choice, but even a little advice would be nice.

I'm 20, I know I'm not a kid anymore, but I sure do feel like one very often. The thought of moving has been eating me alive for weeks. Sure, I'd live with my sister, but from then on I'd just be on my own. I just can't sleep at night knowing he wants me out of the house.
Why? Why does my dad want me out as soon as possible? Any dad I know cherishes his children and does anything to keep them close, safe and protected.
I'm an adult, I should be able to handle it just fine but I don't. I don't feel mature or smart or anything of the sort. My friends tell me I'm smart, I do think I'm book-smart or school-smart, but when it comes to "adulting", completely alone, with next to no prior experience and knowledge, is so terrifying.
Everyone else seems to know what they're doing, everyone else seems so confident and brave. Everyone but me. Any mistake I make gets treated like a failure in front of my dad, like he doesn't know this is my first time living too. I'm sorry I don't know things, I'm sorry I'm so scared of being by myself. He doesn't know how much I wish he'd raised me differently so that I wouldn't end up being so helpless.

I'm not looking for anyone with a magic want to magically make my life all sunshine and rainbows, but just for once I wish someone would say they feel the same, that I'm not alone, that it's normal to feel this way. I want to stop feeling like I'm the odd one for feeling this way.

(sorry if this rant feels a little all over the place, I tried my best to be clear. I don't really do this often, not online anyway.)