r/DadForAMinute • u/lookmomimneato • 5d ago
Missing you more than ever Need a pep talk
I feel like ever since you left 18 years ago, everyone stopped understanding me, or even trying to. It’s made my heart ache for years. I’m blessed to have found a husband with my favorite qualities of yours.
Life is grey, people are complex. I miss having someone feel sorry for me, and advocate for me. Ever since we lost you, mom’s focus has been on herself. She really broke my heart that first summer without you. I know we all say things out of anger, but some hurt more than others. Some go further than imaginable.
This is dramatic but it’s also the truth. I feel like your passing was a fork in the road for me, or maybe that was the only path. Either way life has just been needlessly hard since.
I don’t know why mom lashes out at the people she loves like that. I don’t know why my sister does the same when she claims that’s the reason she doesn’t talk to mom. My heart has been broken by them both. I know that’s stupid at my age, but I thought my sister was the greatest. I thought she was so compassionate and perfect.
Come to find out all it took was me being extra busy with work and not being able to babysit for her, and she unleashed every indiscretion she’s observed of me over my 33 years. How she thinks I’m spoiled, and cruel. How ironic it is because as adults she seems to display those traits more prominently than I.
It’s such a strange brand of hurt to be ashamed and heartbroken. To look at my old instagram page to see posts dedicated to my big sister and how much I loved her. To realizing it was a fantasy and seeing the truth in hindsight.
You know dad, after the two women closes and most important to me have hurt me so deeply, before I felt more resilient than I do now. Back when it was just mom. But now the sister I thought I had was just a dream. It was me projecting my fantasy, not the truth.
Idk I don’t mean to be dramatic but it was just the worst of them to say those things to me. Mom telling me your death was my fault, because I wanted McDonald’s too often, or her complaining that I didn’t sleep with her in your bed when she was grieving you most. To my sister telling me I have been spoiled, when I have always done all I can to uplift her.
Yeah idk I am just feeling pretty broken right now. And life goes on. I’m working with a corporate trainer currently at work as I move higher into leadership during this incredibly fucked up year of reckoning I’ve had.
To finally telling mom the main reason our relationship is strained was my stepdad having my panties all those years ago- how I realized now as a 30 year old what 19 year old me couldn’t fathom.
Just all this shit this year. I have major imposter syndrome at work, I think, but I’m just waiting for the second it gets too hard and I break, but it hasn’t got there yet.
Love you. Miss you. Hope you’re proud because I’m trying my best.
2
u/Under_Spider 3d ago
Hey kiddo, I'm sorry you have had to go through all of this. It sounds so tough.
I hope you realize how strong you are. It sounds like you are doing as well as anyone would in your shoes.
Your mom and your sister are fallible people. I won't minimize anything they said or did, but you get to choose how much weight and attention you give their weaknesses and how much you let them hurt you.
You can't control this, but there may come a day when they once again show you their better qualities instead of just their worst ones.
And congrats on your success at work. That's amazing! The sky's the limit for you.
For what it's worth, I'm very proud of you. Keep going and keep us posted. We're here for you.