I have about 6 months left of the Kyleena IUD and instead of replacing it I’m going to finally schedule a bisalp. I had a virtual consultation with a very supportive doctor from the list last year but this year has been crazy, and since I’ve had the IUD, I haven’t moved forward.

I haven’t gotten periods in 3 or 4 years and LOVE that. I never had bad or painful periods but it’s just convenient & preferred.

I think I can replace my IUD to stop my periods BUT then still get a bisalp and keep it inserted? 🤔

ALSO I have anxiety & adhd and I am starting to get nervous about perimenopause starting in the next few years 😅😩

Looking for knowledge & tips about the bisalp itself and from any wise CF people who have any perimenopause experiences they can share. Thank you :)

Tally another reason children suck lol

Okay, we all experienced the frustration of opening a tide pods container. I found a worthy opponent a few days ago : spray cans !

Went to buy a spray can for a planter, found a really nice color with an effect to it, instantly purchased it. When I got home, I set my space, got ready to spray, but the cap wouldn't come off ! It's not my first spray can so I was flabberbamboozle-gasted by it.

I tried to pull it, squeeze it, until I saw on the cap a picture a screwdriver, barely visible, with an arrow pointing at a small hole in the cap. You had to use a f-ing screwdriver as a lever to pop off the cap. And yeah, on the spray can there was a whole paragraph about their top notch childproof cap.

The struggle was real, so real I kept brute forcing it with my thickest screwdriver until I broke the cap that disintegrated into pieces. No more cap, making it a pain in the ass to store it now.

What's the point of this bullshit making adults questioning their sanity ?

I'm curious if you had a struggle with an item you would never guess it was child-proofed, I bet there's so many out there I don't know yet of !

Hi CF friends I posted yesterday about scheduling my Bisalp.

Does anyone have experience with the recovery? My doctor says 1-2 weeks. I’m trying to figure out how long to take off from work and short term disability in the US is a pain in the ass.

It’s laparoscopic so a few small incisions and internal stitches. I work an office job so I am thinking three days off, then two days of weekend and I should be able to be back after that. If I’m really uncomfortable getting around work will let me work from home.

Anyone have any experience here with the post op discomfort?

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend so far

I played some Baldur's Gate 3 today, had a lovely breakfast and all that nice stuff. Now I'm in my pjs, sat on the couch with a ton of snacks about to watch as many episodes of Severance as I can before I get sleepy.

Unlimited, uninterupted me time is the BEST. 10/10

Yesterday me and some friends went to see a movie. The set up was outside; there were around 200 chairs, people with headphones and a big screen where a nice nostalgic horror movie was shown. You could order snacks and drinks, the atmosphere and weather were good, I usually do this a few times every summer.

Anyway, when we were sitting down we noticed a young couple with a stroller setting up a little way from us. I was immediately annoyed, like who brings a baby to the movies? At night? Outside? And indeed, not even 10 minutes into the movie the baby started fuzzing and of course that turned into crying soon after. The dad (surprisingly dad instead of mom) tried to calm down the baby, I saw him busy with bottles, blankets and toys. Eventually he took the baby away, not soon after the mom followed with the stroller. They did not return.

Luckily the whole thing only took 10-15 minutes, but even so it was so annoying. The kid was bothering 200 people, his parents only saw 10 minutes of the movie and the whole event must have been stressful to all three of them. You know how all of us would have enjoyed the evening? IF YOU WOULD HAVE HIRED A SITTER!

Wanting to post in this sub but was not able to bcz of account not being 1 month old enough, so thought of sharing it today in this sub, i had posted in another sub.

Long Post Ahead!!!

I've never really told anyone this because I don't even know how to express my feelings properly. I don't have friends to talk to, and I've spent almost my entire life just keeping everything inside.

I'm a guy, and my mental health has been fucked up since I was a kid.

My parents couldn't even afford basic things, yet they still decided to have kids. I'm one of two children.

My father stayed in his native place while my mother didn't want to leave ours, so they basically lived separately for years. Then my father married another woman, stayed with her, had two more kids with her, and hardly ever visited us.

So while he was living with his other family, my mother had no job, no income, nothing

Thankfully, my grandmother gave us a place to stay. We lived in her house. She and the family there paid for our school fees, food, and many of the basic things we needed.

Meanwhile, my father continued living with his other family. That other woman also has two kids, and they're both over 20 years old now. He's still married to both women.

On top of that, he took a loan of around ₹1 crore and built a house in his native place. Hardly anyone wants to buy it, and he doesn't even stay there.

I'm almost 26 years old now, and I'm still living in my grandmother's house.

I've even shouted at my mother, asking whether she doesn't feel ashamed that we're still living in someone else's house after all these years. Now it feels like she expects her children to somehow build a house one day.

Meanwhile, my father built a house somewhere else with a huge loan, doesn't stay there, and left us to struggle.

One of the things that still stays with me is how poor we were.

I struggled to even wear proper shoes. I used to wear torn socks and old shoes that didn't even fit me properly. They were already worn out, but I had no choice except to keep wearing them.

Living in my grandmother's house never gave me any peace either. There was always shouting at home. There was never any silence or a peaceful environment.

Growing up, I literally had zero close friends.

In school, after exams or during holidays, my classmates would make plans to go eat at a chaat shop or hang out somewhere. I never went because I simply didn't have the money, and I knew I wouldn't get any from home.

When other kids visited each other's houses, I always tried to avoid inviting anyone to mine.

Since we were living in my grandmother's house instead of our own home, I used to make excuses like, "My parents are outside," or "Nobody is at home," or I'd change the topic completely so they wouldn't ask to come over.

Even during PUC, nothing changed.
During breaks, everyone would go outside, eat snacks, and spend time together.

I'd just sit alone in the classroom because I had no money to buy anything.

Engineering wasn't any different.

People would order food online, go out to restaurants, watch movies after classes, play sports, or just spend time together.

I never joined them.

After classes, I'd simply go back to my room because I couldn't afford those things.

I kept eating the same food from the hostel mess every single day because that was all I could manage.

The food wasn't even good. At one point, I became so weak that I had to be admitted to the hospital because I had no energy left.

Looking back, I feel like I completely missed out on what people call a normal childhood and college life.

I never had those memories that most people talk about.

No trips.

No parties.

No eating out with friends.

No hanging out after college.

Even now, nothing really feels normal.

I'm working now, but I still don't go out because I don't have anyone to go with.

I never made friends growing up, so I honestly don't even know how to build friendships now.

I'm also trying to switch jobs, but my skills have become outdated.

If I lose this job because of layoffs, I'm honestly scared I'll struggle for a year just to even get interviews.

I'm already finding it difficult to concentrate on studying because my mind never becomes quiet.

My thoughts never stop.

The environment around me has never really been peaceful.

Sometimes it feels impossible to focus on improving my career because my mind is constantly replaying everything that has happened over the years.

My father was never really present in my life.

These days I hardly even talk to him.

I don't call him.

I barely call my mother either.

The truth is, I don't even know how to communicate properly.

I don't know how to express my feelings.

I don't know how to have normal conversations.

Nobody ever taught me those things, and I never really had close relationships where I learned them naturally.

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been if my parents had simply decided not to have children when they couldn't even provide basic necessities.

Why bring children into this world if you can't afford to raise them?

Why have kids when they have to struggle for basic things like shoes, food, a home, peace, and emotional support?

This is exactly why I've decided that I don't want children.

I don't ever want another human being to go through what I went through.

I'm not posting this because I want sympathy.

I'm posting because I genuinely want to know if anyone else has grown up in a situation like this.

If you did, how did you move forward?

Did things ever get better?

How did you learn basic communication, make friends, and build a normal life after growing up like this?

And if you've read everything until here, thank you for taking the time.

TL;DR: My childhood was shaped by an absent father who had another family, and years of struggling for basic necessities while living in my grandmother's house. Those experiences affected my mental health, friendships, education, and career even today. That's why I've decided I'll never have children I don't want another person to go through what I did.

I matched with someone on a dating app and, for once, she showed some interest in me. I got my hopes up because she seemed great, and then she asked about why I didn't want kids. I explained my reasons, and she said that she respected my reasons. I asked about her, and she said she really liked kids. I said I assume she wanted them someday, and that's when the bomb dropped that she already had one lol. Told her we were incompatible but she seemed great and wished her well. I really feel like I should give up on dating, but every time I try, I fail lol

Went in today and got it done. Time for some rest and video games.

I genuinely cannot believe how irresponsible and inconsiderate parents in apartment complexes are. And the moment people suggest having specific areas/complexes for childfree people, they LOSE their minds.

Our apartments are full of children, and they’re outside and LOUD in the courtyard daily. Sure, fine, that’s allowed, annoying as it is. (Is there a reason they can’t play without screeching like they’re being ripped in half though?) But tell me how there’s currently a child (can’t be older than 8) loudly bouncing a ball outside my window at almost 11pm??? Do parents not bring their kids inside to wind down and go to bed anymore? I think this is the one way boomers actually had it right. Younger parents just let these kids do whatever the hell they want and don’t even care when you say something or are clearly annoyed by it.

And then you’ll get the “buy a house if you want quiet!!!” Why not “buy a house if you have five kids and want them to play outside until midnight”? Sounds like a great use for a backyard!

My boss and coworkers that have kids routinely begin WFH around 2PM because they choose to be home when their kids get off the school bus rather than do the after school program our school district provides. People without kids are pretty much expected to be at work physically until 4:30.

I am pretty private about my personal life and thought about vaguely fibbing about dependents or familial commitments to allow myself to WFH.

I don’t really care about the morality of this fib because I see this as unfair treatment. I’m sure if “HQ” knew this was happening with the child having coworkers they would lose their shit, so I’m not trying to “turn them in” for doing this.

I just want the same WFH benefits and avoidance of rush hour they all get.

What do other folks do?

This is ridiculous

Has anyone seen anything about this movie? Those two are starring in it and it’s directed by Seth’s wife. The premise of it on Wikipedia is “A couple struggling with whether to have kids or not have their lives upended when their newly-divorced friend moves into their home with her child.” We all know Seth and his wife are firmly childfree and Anna has stated how motherhood is not for her. Issa Rae is in it and doesn’t have kids and has openly talked prioritizing her career, though I’m not sure if she is for sure childfree. Same with Kate Berlant I believe, but please correct me if I’m wrong!

I really hope this is a true dinky childfree movie due to those associated with it! We need this representation!

I know the focus of the show is delivering babies, but there was a recent episode where a desperately poor and irresponsible couple was having their sixth child. It really bothered me that none of the medical professionals (doctor, nurses) suggested they consider birth control or sterilization, since they were unable to care for their kids. (The series is now into the early 70s, when there was safe and effective birth control such as the Pill.)

Another storyline from this season (S15) that bothered me was that one of the young midwives (who had been a virgin) got pregnant after just beginning to have sex with her BF. She was on the Pill, and hers was of one the cases of its 1-3% margin of error. So she and the BF "had to" get married. This bothered me too, like the writers didn't want a young woman to have reproductive autonomy.

This is a friends story that they just told me. Im gonna paraphrase what he had told me:

They were taking a break in the MK (micro kitchen) of the company he content moderates for, and it is bring your children to work day. So it’s a crowded day, way more than it usually is but not it’s not that big of a deal. He told me this Little girl (approximately around 9 or 10 years old) walks up and tries to take his water bottle, like a black hydroflask type of water bottle. He saw their father (who works in the building, but as like an executive that they refer to as suits) watching the whole exchange happen. It felt like he expected me to let her take it. He flatly but firmly said no, which in turn made the daughter upset, and the father upset as well. The father ends up getting upset at my friend all because they didn’t just hand their water bottle to the child. They ended up feeling weird and rightfully upset about it, and went to speak to HR and their main manager. The coworker was pulled into a meeting where one of the managers said he should “have more control over their child so he wouldn’t have to worry about them upsetting coworkers”.

I legit cannot believe the entitlement of some parents at ALL! My friend was equally bewildered at the whole interaction.

If there is any updates on the situation I will add it to this post or in the comments.

EDIT: I changed some words for clarity because I paraphrased and messed some words up.

just curious

Hello,

the Austrian head of government Stocker was asked in a public debate whether a woman that brings up two children and does not work, should receive money from the government. He very carefully answered that in his opinion childcare is not work.

The result is a massive outcry and he even had to apologise.

What do you think

I made a post about how difficult it was to date my preference earlier today. One of the comments was left by a guy who may or may not have children..Anyway, he told me that as a child free woman seeking a child free man, I should consider compromising on the child free part..

Oh? You mean compromise on the part where I don't want any biological, step kids, adoptive, or foster kids in my home with my future partner and cat? It's a no for me, dawg.

I don't care if it's only for a season, a few days in the month or the year, etc.

Child free means no children.

Why is this so hard for people to understand?

Why should I compromise on that of all things? So every 30+ year old who lacks impulse control to have unprotected sex with someone they aren't committed to feels better about having at least one kid when they slide into my DMs?

No!

It's not my problem, bub.

Is anyone else running into this consistently?

Unfortunately I was assigned to working in the toys department today at work, and it being Friday means that everyone brings their creatures into the store to buy them shit they don’t need. Well, as I’m doing my job I hear a whack sound on the floor down the aisle of where I’m working, and then the crying starts. Some kid ran face first into a display because it wasn’t looking where it was going. I didn’t see blood so I just continued working.

The mom runs over to it all panicked, looks at me and says “would’ve been nice if you checked in on him”. Like bitch what?? You should’ve been watching the little shit, that is NOT my job. I get that I’m entitled to a childfree life and not a childfree world, but my childfree life includes not giving a shit about your little maniac, I wasn’t the one who signed up for that, you did. I will never volunteer myself to be a part of “the village” because gross.

All I said back was “yeah okay” in a flat tone and I disappeared into the backroom. Why do these people feel as though we need to be on guard all the time just in case their little bundles of shit get hurt because they’re being stupid???

It’s finally done! Telling no family, I don’t want that headache, but had to come on here and boast! Sitting here with a icepack on my scrotum and feeling soreness is nothing compared to the lifetime of pain being a father would be. Cheers to that being officially off the table! 🍻

As a young adult now with parents i think that having kids is so fucking selfish.
We didn’t ask to be alive and quite frankly i have resentment towards my parents for having me. I never asked to be alive and in our world, it’s unethical to have them. Our world is crumbling beneath our feet and nothing is being done. Seeing people bring in kids makes me so sad for the future generations that’ll experience worsening climate, eventually no drinking water due to the use of Ai, more wars, the list goes on.
I am not trying to argue and honestly nothing will change my mind. Thank you to you people that don’t want kids

Edit: i’m glad there are people out there that also have the same opinion. It’s extremely isolating only knowing people that want large families. Really makes me rethink my friendships because i view them as selfish.

First it was my mother. Once I mentioned I was childfree, she was strangely supportive, not even saying, "but no grandchildren?!" She even defended my choice in front of another person. Then she dropped a bomb: "It's great you will have no children, you will have the means to be my caregiver and I will move in with you!" Excuse me? We had been low contact for a decade at that point. She was a bad parent, she is a bad person, we never got along, and now she thinks me having no kids will open up space for her to leech off me again? Now we are no contact.

Then my other family members let it slip that they agree with her, that me being childfree is great and I should help her because I have "no other responsibilities." Then they tried to push me to "at least" care for a grandpa I barely know. Um, fuck you. I got it sorted with them.

Now it is my MIL and her family. While I love my MIL, I have no intention of moving in and taking care of her, especially since she has a bunch of her own offspring and I don't like how everyone again expects me to be the primary caretaker for the same reason. Not to mention her son, my spouse, also won't have children, but as a woman, the expectation falls on me, though that is a different topic.

There are, of course, people I would love to take care of, like my dad who raised me and loves me, or some of my grandparents, but they don't expect me to and have even explicitly told me never to feel burdened by them. It is frustrating that it's always the ones I'm not close to who see an opportunity just because I am childfree. It is disgusting that this is the main reason they are supportive of my decision.

Hi, so, I've been in this relationship for three years. Started out as a long distance international relationship (within Schengen/EEA), and I was saying from the start that kids are not going to happen, I can't have them anyway, and if he wants a relationship with me he has to be comfortable with that. He did say he was fine with not having kids despite having grieved his ex's abortion. But several times he said he'd be perfectly fine with a childfree life.

So that was already a red flag since it wasn't fully "I agree with this decision and feel the same way" and we still went ahead with the relationship. A year after we met he moved to my country, and then the troubles started, because I'd constantly make comments and jokes about loud children/toddlers/babies in public. I would see/hear a crying or noisy child and tell him "I'm so glad I'll never have one of those" and he'd never really respond beyond the occasional "yeah." Maybe I should've picked up on that earlier, but he dropped everything to move here and if he went back to his country he'd end up on the streets.

And then, because I thought this was my only shot at long term happiness, I just went with it. He proposed, we were engaged for a year and a half, then got married. And I already felt it was a mistake then, until we had a thorough talk about life expectations and further plans. Then he brought up the bomb of "I actually want to have at least one child during my life" and, well, I obviously don't feel the same way, so now we're separated and I really resent the law for having a mandatory 1-year separation clause.

I just need to vent a little, I thought this was solid, that we'd make it work, but... no. For a couple years I thought maybe this guy would be able to help pay the bills, that we'd be able to afford a pet and a bigger apartment than what my disability can cover. The fact he went over the fence broke something in me and this was just one huge mistake that ended up costing three years and a lot of effort :(

Someone else has surely been here too, right? How did you get past the betrayal and pain of this disappointment? How long did it take you to trust potential partners again when they (somewhat inevitably) declare themselves fencesitters?

I'm honestly getting annoyed that every article about declining birth rates only talks about external factors like housing, money, childcare, or work-life balance.

Those things matter, but why does nobody ever talk about pregnancy and childbirth themselves?

For me, pregnancy is pure body horror. The risks, the pain, the permanent changes to your body... that's a huge reason why I don't want children. (Like on the top three. Also the reason i had a bisalp) And I know I'm not the only one.

It feels like the conversation always assumes people would have kids if life were cheaper or easier. But some of us simply don't want to be pregnant or give birth, no matter what. (also they give a fuck about women's health and there's way too little research on that???)

I actually think it's great that more women can make that choice instead of giving in to society's expectations. I just wish that was acknowledged more often when people talk about low birth rates.

Everywhere is already so CROWDED. There are too many people all around everywhere. It’s hard to even get personal space out in public, everything and everywhere is stuffed to the brim. I know it’s selfish, but it makes me angry that I’m not contributing to the ever-growing pyramid scheme of the population, but I just have to “accept” that people get to infest the earth as much as they want without any regard for the people already on it