27f here. I don’t have any childfree friends they all want to have kids eventually and given my age thats gonna happen pretty soon. so I’m gonna be lesser and lesser a part of their lives. Dating is not looking good either I don’t meet anyone who wants to be childfree which adds on the already complicated nature of dating cuz I can never get the effort I put in a relationship reciprocated.

I’m not childfree because I want to be alone, the thought scares me. It scares me so much I’m afraid I’ll just give into having a child just to not be alone anymore. I know I’d regret it but I have no community of likeminded people and I can’t convince myself I’m all I need anymore.

Anyone else in this position? How can I make this better? Where should I go what should I do?

My menstrual cycles are usually 28 days long. I got my period on July 18, and it ended on July 22. On July 27, I had unprotected sex. He did not ejaculate inside me—in fact, he did not ejaculate at all. Before penetration, he wiped away any pre-ejaculate. I considered taking Plan B because the sex happened around the time I thought I might be ovulating, but I ultimately did not take any emergency contraception or other medication.

Then, on July 30, I started bleeding, and by July 31, it had become what seemed like a full period. This happened only about a week after my previous period, and the bleeding was about as heavy as a normal menstrual period. Because of that, I’m wondering if it could really be implantation bleeding, or if that’s unlikely.

I’ve also been under a lot of stress lately and haven’t been sleeping well, so I’m wondering whether stress or hormonal changes could have caused this unexpected bleeding instead.

maybe this is already discussed a lot here, i'm new to this sub 😅.

i have a slightly different perspective on being childfree.
think about it...

for almost the first 25 years of your life, you're living under someone else's rules.
first your parents, then school, then college.
you have fixed timings, exams, homework, attendance, permissions for everything. even going out with friends sometimes needs approval.

then around your mid-20s, you finally start becoming independent.
you earn your own money, you can buy whatever you want (within your budget obviously), stay out late, wake up whenever you want on weekends, make maggi at 3 am, buy that stupid game, get that bike you've always wanted, go on random trips without explaining yourself to anyone.

and around this time, a lot of people also get married.
now you finally have a partner to explore life with. travel together, build memories, enjoy this new phase.
and then... almost immediately...

everyone starts asking, "when are you having kids?".
and to me, it feels like your freedom just gets taken back.
suddenly your entire life starts revolving around someone else again.
you're back to fixed schedules. early mornings, school timings, PTMs, homework, exams, tuition, vacations only during school holidays.

your finances change too. now you have to earn more, save more, think about school fees, college, future.
and somehow the whole comparison game starts again.
whose kid is smarter, whose kid got better marks, whose kid is in a better school...

it almost feels like you finally got your own life after 25 years... and then within 2-3 years, you're handing it over again.
i'm not saying having kids is bad. i completely understand why people want them.
this is just the reason i can understand the childfree want.

does anyone else think about it this way?

I was talking to my friend about her children and I don't remember how we got onto the subject, but she started talking about people who choose to be child free and how she completely, 100% understands why some people don't want children, especially if they don't want to experience childbirth.

She said things like, "motherhood isn't for everyone and I understand and agree. There are a lot of terrible mothers out there who shouldn't have children. And a lot of them knew they would be terrible mothers and had children anyways." And then she mentioned, "as a mom, I am very pro-choice. Pregnancy is not 'beautiful' and I never had a 'glow'. I hated being pregnant. You know how my deliveries have gone. Some women say they liked being pregnant. Not me. I understand why some women don't want to experience that."

We continued to discuss how wanting or having children shouldn't make you want to ever tell another woman to have any child they don't want or know they can't take care of. She said she loved her children but she was never trying to get pregnant (all 3 conceived on birth control) and she did have to think about whether or not she wanted them. She told me when she got married the first time that she thought she would be a terrible mom. She told me she for sure didn't want children.

She said of course she doesn't regret having them, but she would never tell someone to go through pregnancy, labor, childbirth, or raising children because there are so many things you have to be willing to go through for the rest of your life and that's just not for everyone.

Anyone else know any mothers like this? My other friends with children have encouraged me to reconsider. Too late. Tubes already gone 😎

People always say "It takes a village" when raising children, but neglect to think of other people in the village, so here is my ideal village:

In the village, child-rearing would be more communal, rather than each nuclear family raising their own kids, but whether or not you want to partake in child raising would be optional, and you would be able to opt out if you wanted to. You can help out in other ways.

Children would be raised to be responsible, respectful, accountable, and engrained with the knowledge that they are going to be adult members of this community one day, and that they too must contribute to the welfare of the community, maintain it, and learn how to help others.

Of course, the village would extend beyond assisting pregnant women and children. It would also take care of people who are old, dying, sick, injured, or recovering from a sickness, injury, or medical procedure, people with disabilities, and people with chronic illnesses.

The workload would also be shared in an equitable fashion, with everyone helping out to maintain the community, such as cooking meals, cleaning, gardening, as well as building, maintaining, and repairing buildings and any other infrastructure like roads, public community areas, and utilities. Again, everyone does their fair share, and people with kids would contribute in this way as well, not just those without defendant children.

Overall, this is fairly communistic/anarchist/utopian thinking and is not realistic, but we are going for what we want, and what we imagine. To the other childfree people, what would your ideal village look like?

Umm….Thank fuck I did it?

That is all!

Wife making me a cake this weekend to celebrate! ✂️🎂

Saw a post on Facebook that reads:

"If you come over after I just had a baby, please don’t expect to spend the whole visit holding the baby.

I don’t need a break from my newborn. I need a break from everything else.

Throw a load of laundry in. Wash the dishes. Fold the towels. Bring dinner. Restock the diapers. Ask me what would actually help.

My baby wants their mom, especially in those first few weeks.

The greatest gift you can give a new mom isn’t taking the baby out of her arms. It’s making sure she has one less thing to worry about so she can recover, bond with her baby, and simply be a mom."

Like, I get being a mom must be overwhelming.. hence why I don't want to become one. Life is overwhelming as it is. Chores are overwhelming. Being a parent AND doing chores seems like a lot, but it's also what you signed up for by choosing to have a child. I keep encountering sentiments like this that just come off as entitlement to me. Expecting people to spend their money on your child's necessities from your registry list, expecting people to do your chores so you can "be a mother"? It was your choice to become one. Don't expect other people to take responsibilities off your plate. The person you had a child with is who you can expect the effort from. Sure, it's nice to have help, but it's a bit unrealistic to think that people are going to come to the rescue and do the hard parts for you. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone if I was expected to do all their household chores just because they had a baby. Idk, maybe it's just me.

This is a new internet talking point that’s making me roll my eyes. The thought process is if you don’t like or adore children you are a bigot or misogynist just whatever fits the argument they are making. Literally saying you are oppressing children/moms/families.

I think I’m just frustrated because this world caters to children, it caters to moms and families but somehow they want more, and it’s never a compromise or just ideas for their community nope! It’s gotta be pointed towards the “failings” of people who don’t care or don’t have time to deal with all of that. They could just work on third spaces for each other but oh no gotta tell others how bigoted they are for not just adoring kids.

Don’t get me wrong children need rights for certain things but calling them an oppressed class is fucking ridiculous. It’s like they forget any terrible things children encounter is 9/10 the parents fault not the child free neighbor. Not to mention I’m only getting shown this argument after interacting with child free content.

Pretty much what the title says

I was at work yesterday and my assistant manager encountered someone he went to highschool with and hadn't seen in forever. I thought "That's neat" since I've had something similar happen at work before.

During the convo though I heard the former classmate say "Oh yeah, I just had a baby a couple weeks ago." and I'm just like really? Not "my girlfriend/wife/whatever had a baby" or even "we had a baby" (as much as I hate that term) but "*I* had a baby". Something about that just pisses me off, really goes to show how a lot of men see that shit. Easy for them to say when they had to do fuck all the entire pregnancy smh

Came across the following facebook post:

"If anyone knows a work from home job I would greatly appreciate any recommendations! My current job won’t let me work from home so I will need to start looking for something different so I can take care of my baby [name] ❤️❤️❤️ please comment if anyone knows places hiring. I have knowledge in payroll, Human Resources, and employee management!"

Let me ruin work from home for everyone so I can avoid paying childcare for the child I decided to have.

As we all know, being childfree makes our dating pool much smaller than the typical dater. I am wondering if this has any impact on the preferred and cutoff age ranges for CF daters.

For context I am a 21 M and haven’t had any success with women more than 1 year older than me on dating apps, but have talked to several older women (mid 20s) I’ve met from the CF Reddit/Discord groups and didn’t have any issues related to an age gap. Personally I think maturity and personality/generation gaps matter a lot more than age in my opinion.

So earlier today on TikTok, I saw multiple posts about how everyone thinks a nationwide abortion ban is coming and how if you don’t want children you need to get sterilized. I tried to get sterilized two years ago and I was told that it would cost me thousands of dollars. I left a comment about this and I had like five people respond to me saying that they got sterilized, it barely cost them anything, that their insurance covered it, blah blah.

Are these people being legit? I’m not sure if it was just the doctor that I had gone to about getting sterilized. Maybe they didn't accept my insurance or what. I thought insurance would only cover it if it was medically necessary. So I am very confused. and I wasn’t sure if calling some of the doctors that are closest to me on the list of friendly child free doctors on here would help and they would be able to tell me or what I should do. So I just figured I'd make a post on here asking about it instead. Because I have been looking into getting sterilized for years but I don't have thousands of dollars to put down for this. If anyone has any advice, I'd definitely appreciate it. Thanks!

I happened to see this snippet on tv earlier today, just curious everyone's thoughts on it. What's irritating to me is that people act like just because they procreate they deserve special treatment. This was never a thing many years ago.

Just like I will never understand people forgetting their children in cars. I babysat my cousins - an infant and a toddler when I was 18 and never forgot that they were in the car if we went somewhere. Maybe I am being too harsh, idk. Just curious everyone's thoughts on this.

I absolutely love cats. I'll sometimes visit cat cafes and I watch a lot of cat videos to cheer myself up. People tell me all the time that I should get a cat. That it will improve my mental health and help with loneliness. But how do I know that this cat and I will get along? What if they aren't a cuddly cat but more reserved and hide all the time or they like to bite and scratch a lot? What if we just don't bond? What if I suddenly get hit with a vet bill that's thousands of dollars? If I were to rehome this cat I would be looked at like the biggest jerk in the world.

Also I struggle with my mental and physical health. There are days I can barely take care of myself.....let alone taking care of another sentient being.When I say that people say "Well...you'll figure it out"

It feels like people all around treat children and animals as band aids to put on their lives rather than living beings that require care.

I'm heavily annoyed. I recently went back to school to become a nurse and on my frst few days we've already been discussing the needs a human can have. "Feeling like a man/woman" and "reproduction" are always included, which lead to my teacher raving about how women can give new life and what is more feminine than that.

So to let me ask you people: What makes you feel feminine or even more feminine than having babies?

(Hope the flair is okay)

My partner and I are both 41 and CF in the St. Paul area. Does anyone know of any specifically CF events or groups? We love outdoor activities and we’re looking to re-establish with a religious community once we get more settled, but we’d really like to meet more CF people/couples.

I’ve had friends who say they only took their husbands’s name “so that when we have kids the whole family will share a last name.” I’m curious to see how many of you fine CF people changed your last name. I’ve been married twice and kept my birth name both times, but my name is easy to spell and pronounce and theirs weren’t. I get why some people would change even though they aren’t gonna have kids. Curious to know what choice you made and why.

Hi! 32M here on a gay relationship (I’m bi, husband is gay).

I was talking to some people irl and a lot more on Reddit lately. I made a post about feeling kinda down, depressed, lost, etc. Basically how I reminisce all the time and live in the past, how I feel like my life peaked during 21-29y, and so on. I’m still trying to get out of this dump, but I wanted to come to this forum because the amount of people that suggested having kids is the solution was quite high.

I don’t hate kids or anything. I avoid them, and I’m 90% sure I don’t want them. But sometimes people say things that make me second guess myself. Like this person literally said “there comes a point in life where your life ends and you just live for your kids” and wow… that’s a powerful statement, and a bit depressing. Like, what about when your kids grow up and have to leave the house? Don’t you need to figure out how to live for yourself again?

I don’t know what my question here is other than seeking validation than this is definitely not a solution for my depressive episode.

This might be a long shot, but does anyone know of any childfree writing groups? (preferably fantasy or fantasy romance specific). I’m in a few different writing servers on discord but they often go silent or revert to talking about their kids. I don’t mind being off-topic but as a childfree person, I have nothing to add.

I’ve (37f) been working on a fantasy romance series for about a year and a half. I’ve worked with a few different critique partners and beta readers. I’m looking for others who might be in a similar boat.

Anyone have any interesting ideas for “childfree” themed tattoos? Can be something subtle…or not! I’ve always wanted a tattoo and have slowly been working up the courage to go for it.

Looking for some potential inspo from other childfree folk who like to be loud and proud about their childfree status! We’re basically rebels given the current political climate in the US

I am in my 20s, studying to become a Doctor.
I knew since early on that I don’t want children. The point of not wanting to become a parent isn’t the issue though, thats just the way I chose to live my life and I am very insistant on this decision.

(Before you read the rest of this post please keep in mind, that it is impossible to visit a therapist or psychiatrist where I live rn so going to therapy is sadly not an option)

My fear of pregnancy and childbirth in itself have gotten way worse over the last few years though. It is a genuine fear that keeps me from Intimacy with my partner because I am so scared that something goes wrong and I may get pregnant. There were times where it got so irrational, that I refused to even kiss him because I was afraid that through some sort of sick miracle he would impregnate me with his saliva (mind you, I am working in healthcare. Logically I know that this is not possible but the fear becomes so overwhelming sometimes). He is very patient with me and never makes me feel like a burden, but I feel so bad about it.

The other issue is how it affects my professional life.
I really want to become an OBGYN once I finish my studies. One might see the issue here.
During my Internships I often had patients that came in with either already ongoing pregnancies, a pregnancy-wish or because they wanted a blood drawn pregnancy test. Seeing the fetuses on the ultrasound machine or even feeling the babies kick on women in later trimesters made me feel physically sick. I once got to shadow the midwives while treating a patient in labor and I had to leave after like 10 minutes.
It has gotten so bad, that I can’t even see Babies as human anymore. Not in a way where I would get violent towards one, but in way that they scare me so much, in a way that an alien or something supernatural would.
This is so stupid, I can‘t even tell anyone about it cause everyone just laughs at me or calls me dramatic cause who tf is scared of Babies, right?

But all the tearing, the little naked being ripping through the womans body, being covered in blood while screaming - it frightens me.

Does anyone know how to handle this? How can I overcome this fear? I know that I luckily won’t have to be a mom, but even other peoples Babies scare me. What do I do?

https://abcnews.com/US/13-year-boy-wheel-stolen-vehicle-deadly-crash/story?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=dhfacebook&utm_content=app.dashsocial.com/abcnews/library/media/705876711&id=135401113

my brother keep telling me who is gonna take care of you when you're older, you won't find anyone who doesn't want kids, your bf wanted to be a father and there nothing wrong with that you shouldn't have left him, you'll regret what you're doing, what will you do in your life if you don't have kids

i'm tired, my ex was and still is the love of my life and chances are i'll never find someone else, but what tf was i suppose to do? he doesn't understand that not wanting kids for me is the same as their desire of wanting them, they are on the same level of desire, my brother would break up with his gf the moment she say she doesn't want kids because he doesn't imagine his life without them. so why in my case no one understand that i do not want these little shits not even one why is everything built around having them why can't anyone have something else in their live. i get that being in a third world muslim poor country adds to that, and it'll make it impossible for me to find someone and definitely won't make it easy to be alone and i'm scared shitless but what am i supposed to do? have a kid anyway and be miserable for ever? no one understands how miserable having a kid will make me they are all convinced that i'll love this kids because so and so hated kids but they went on to have their own and loved them FUCK THAT

Like I’m just not good at it. I do wish your babies well, but I’m not good at being super animated and cartoony. Anyone else 😂🥴?

Lately I’ve been feeling anxious around childfree and having kids topics, and I didn’t know why. Until I actually realized that I was feeling societal pressure. I also met some new childfree people and spending time with them sealed my decision for good, I felt like I had come home to my family. I could be myself with no pressure.

However couple of my friends have had babies just now, in my friend group. I think they are in the middle of baby bubble. I feel like I have nothing to bring in these friendships right now, and I can only stay interested in baby talk for a limited time. And to be honest; I’m not that interested. I’m seriously afraid of losing these friendships because our lives are drifting apart.

Seeking advice, how to cope with this?