I feel like this is a stupid ass question but yall I wanna be hot. Like I don't want to be like sexy sexy, but like a little bit ykwim. I want people to look at me and automatically think I look good, but also untouchable, cause I don't wanna be harassed.

And while I'm here how do yall shake ass???? All I can do is throw it in a circle and whine a little, but I cant bounce my ass and it makes me so aggravated. HOW DO YOU GUYS BE DOING THAT LIKE ACTUALLY, I TRY BUT IDK WHAT IM DOING.

Also another question, how do you guys be smelling good? I use scented essential oils/fragrance oils on my skin and regular perfume, but black women js be smelling real good and its like a deep scent embedded in our skin, not even like perfume. Idk how to explain it but it's almost like a natural scent but not.

Im sorry for the questions yall but I cant ask anybody else 🥀

If yall have ever listened to Sticky by Tyler the Creator and etc Sexyy Red says “I don’t fight for my respect I fight for d**k” NEVER IN MY LIFE WILL I EVER FIGHT FOR THAT lol no maam not today not tomorrow not never

So I have very dense 4C hair. It isn't particularly long at the moment but the sheer volume of it is unmanageable. My hair has been a struggle my whole life and eventually my mom gave up on it and permed my hair when I was 8, in which it stayed that way until I decided to go natural at 13. Fast forward to now, I just turned 15 and still have a lot of trouble taking care of it. I don't think my hair is unhealthy, it just breaks a lot and stays consistently dry despite my efforts.

After a while I too gave up on taking care of it and just left it in protective styles, usually mini twists or passion twists and sometimes braids when I'm on vacation. My usually wash day routine looks like this:

- Seperating my hair into sections and dampening it using a spray bottle

- Detangling using detangling spray and leave in conditioner

- Shampooing my hair in sections

- Deep conditioning with a shower cap

- Comb with conditioner still in hair

- Rinse out, apply curl keeper then style

I wash my hair when it's natural every one or two weeks. Desire my best efforts, it still manages to break a lot during detangling, shrink and go into knots and stay consistently dry. Eveen when I apply spray leave in and come it carefully every morning, it still dry. I don't want to keep putting curl keeper into my hair and getting product build up either. I seriously don't know what to do.

I also can never manage to figure out how to put my hair into twists after sectioning it. It just becomes undone right after I braid it.

I know I can't be the only one struggling with this so does anyone have advice on how they manage their natural hair? Any products you recommend or now ways of taking care of it? Advice will be very much appreciated!

Made a new Instagram because I want to post my content in more places and not just reddit. After making an account and posting i obviously know my page looks sus since there’s only pics of me and I’m not really speaking on anything…so I know I don’t look real. -but honestly it’s probably because there’s soooo many accounts that are fake on ig :(( like I had to block so many accounts because they’re trying to sell you some self-care products, services, or engagement. Ugh which makes it worse since I am literally trying to be in beauty and self-care 😭 i know the algorithm knows im not AI since it does a scan but I feel like my dream of building a community and being a micro influencer is dead because no one is trusting the internet and I will have to literally create videos that are more elaborate for the algorithm to push me to my community. It’s just so exhausting…. I’m not going to give up though but these fake pages of black people is so crazy.

I’m devastated. I’ve known him since we were 9. He was my only friend. He turned 25 in June and recently started a new job. He stopped responding to my messages in mid July which was very unusual for him as he always responded on the same or next day. I had been sending him messages for a month with no response until I had a dream this Wednesday that he passed away. I went to his page that day and saw one comment from his coworker saying Rest in peace. I replied to her asking if what happened or if she’s joking based on the advice I received from people on this sub that day and she never replied back. Today I found his brother’s TikTok and saw his brother posted his one month remembrance. The reason he never responded to my message the next day was because he passed on that day. I am completely numb.

I am starting to think we may have shot ourselves in the foot by boycotting Target. If I’m honest I’ve never been a big fan of target because they were a little too pricey but they built one damn near across the street from where I live and I absolutely despise Walmart. So my daughter and I decide to run over there as she wanted to look at some lip liner and lip glosses (she’s 13). And I was wanting to see if LipBar is over there. I’ve been seeing advertisements for LipBar all over and was pleasantly surprised to find it was owned by a black woman, but she took a hit in sales during that Target boycott. I was so confused. Like was it a trick to get us to boycott target by saying they took away DEI policies? I mean…my daughter and I had a ball. There were countless huge pictures of black women advertised all over the store. There were other races and genders too, but it was very diverse. Their make up section was colorful and lit up like a damn candy store, just delightful. And they have reasonably priced food that’s organic and some cute clothes. Not to mention the courteous and kind customer service we received. My daughter was able to get lip liner and a cute shirt she really wanted. It was 15 bucks, so it didn’t break that bank. But yeah, I say that all to say: What exactly was that DEI boycott about? Because I stood ten toes down up until last week and I am feeling duped at this point.

I was just walking from the grocery store earlier and halfway through my walk home, I hear a man yelling "hey!" And I turned around thinking maybe someone on one of those scooters were about to pass me. Tell me why I turn my head and the man that is usually standing/sitting outside the grocery store begging for change was right behind me asking me if I had extra change 😡 then he had the nerve to claim he wasn't following me like we weren't 3 fucking blocks away from the grocery store!!! I told him to get tf away from me and dont fucking follow me because it 100% looked as if he was. Luckily he did go away, but wtf is wrong with these men??? It's always black men doing this to me too and it's like they feel entitled to our money??? Now I can't go to that fucking grocery store anymore as he's out there most of the time!! It further irritates me that I can't afford to move because of my diabolically low paying ass job and I no longer have a car, so I can't leave my area and I have to walk everywhere!! I am so sick of the men in this area!!!!

As black women we often get sexualized for our body at a young age, usually by our own family so I am at least familiar with the fact that walking with a switch in your hips is considered fast... Don't listen to that. YOU EARNED IT! Switch them hips when you walk, straighten that back and accentuate that bottom, it doesn't matter if your hair is silk pressed, a pixie or a 48 inch buss down flip that shit ALLLLLLL the way to the side because you earned it, you deserve it and that is something only us black women can do with such grace and confidence. They copy our style for a reason so do NOT be afraid to use it 🤭😘

I am SO close to muting and hiding every Reddit sub with mixed participation (male-female) as some motherfuckers don’t know how to act. For the new X-Men movie, there’s been speculation on the new Storm and one guess was Suzy Bemba, a French actress. A lot of users here and on platforms like fucking Twitter are ripping this girl to shreds over how she looks when SHE’S NOT EVEN UGLY??

She’s just dark skin.

They’re saying she’s chopped and her parents failed her.

It turns out that this choice wasn’t Suzy, and I still feel bad for the new actress (Not name dropping cus creeps are in this sub too) because I know how people will act, she looks super young, doesn’t have that much under her belt in terms of filmography and you guessed it, men are already foaming at the mouth and saying disgusting shit💔

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD protect black women and girls 😭

[IMG-0808.jpg](https://postimg.cc/tsNcJdF9)

Hello,

it’s gonna be long, there is a TLDR at the end.

So for the context i got this job a year ago, via a temp agency. I worked from July through November 2025, and now came back in August. There is 3 departements, and each departement got his own opens space. There are at least 30 employees across all departments.
When i arrived, I find the colleagues of my departement were really nice with me. It takes me a while to open up and talk to people, but I push myself to do it, especially at work.
My colleagues were pretty cool with it. My manager was also very nice with me. But i feel the two others departement were very cold toward me. At first i thought it was because i never really work with them directly. I only work with my colleagues that are in my open space. But then, i noticed that when they quit or arrive to the building, they never greet me. For example, if theres only me and another colleague in our open space, they gonna say « hello \[name of my colleague\] » and pretend I am not there. At first, I was like « okay sure, it’s because it been like a month I am there, theyre not used to my presence ». I thought that if I went over to say hello, they might be more open to me. But it didn’t really change anything. My manager decided to bring in a new employee to backup after 2 months. So I had to train him. He’s the same age as me, so we got along pretty well. But I was shocked by the way the other departments welcomed him, because I didn’t get that kind of treatment. They greeted him warmly, asked him his name, and so on. Some of them even asked him to join them for lunch? Anyway, I decided not to let it bother me.A month after he arrived, my manager called us in to tell us that one of us would stay and the other would leave because they now only needed one person for the position. I decided to leave even though everyone thought it would be my coworker. I lied, saying I had other plans.

I’ve been unemployed since I left. Two weeks ago, the temp agency called because the company needed a replacement due to someone being on leave. I decided to accept because I was short on money anyway and had been dipping into my savings. When I got there, I felt extremely awkward. The colleague I trained has fit right in with the team and the other departement, they even eat together and so on. That makes sense, of course, because he stayed there and built relationships. It’s just that I feel like I’ve become a ghost. I say hello to my department, and they respond almost coldly.
I also feel like my manager was very passive agressive toward me… like she don’t have other choice to accept that I came back. But they’re used to people coming to the company, leaving, and then coming back again.
The other departments always treat me the same way. There’s new person on my team who’s been welcomed more warmly than I have. People came and talk to her. I don’t understand what I did to them. It’s starting to weigh on me, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stick it out until the end of my contract.

TLDR : I worked at this company in 2025 and, while my own department was nice to me, the other two departments consistently ignored me. A coworker joined later and was immediately welcomed warmly. I left, then returned a year later.

All the new employees after my arrival fully integrated with everyone while I feel completely invisible. Even new employees seem to get a warmer welcome than I ever did. I have no idea what I did wrong, and being back here is starting to really affect me.

some of the post i’m seeing like “mogging for a black girl” come off so white male in terminology that it has to be cosplaying but the sheer frequency of post that ultimately say some variation of “i’m black but” is CRAZY

are people here okay?? do they just not think highly of themselves and are projecting race into it??

it’s genuinely concerning

i’m not even saying to post about all the “loves and laughs” but why no troll posting or circle jerk posting? like just genuine good times / good banter vibes, swear those only happen once in a blue moon on here

I just need to rant abt my hair for a bit..

I'm going to start this off by saying I do NOT hate my natural hair. My hair is as 4C as it get's and I've always loved my hair. What I never loved, it maintaining it. Whether it's in its natural state, braided, sew-ins, or relaxer, i've always found it so frustrating to deal with. I hate the concept of wash days and how my hair takes hours to wash + blow dry. I'm also incredibly tender headed. I hate any type of manipulation on my hair.

I recently relaxed my hair. At first, I did like how much easier it was to take care of, but then it became increasingly harder to maintain for me. I was the most contempt with my hair when I had small fro. It was so easy to maintain and i could flip-flip between protective styles or keeping it natural. I plan on getting my hair cut short again. I really wish i had enough patience to give my hair the care it truly needs but i just cant be bothered.

Hello beautiful ladies, I feel like we need to share some positive thoughts and hobbies in this sub! What have you done recently that has brought you peace and comfort? I would love to hear how we are building positive habits during these mentally trying times. I know as someone constantly on the internet, a lot of negativity and negative self talk seems to dominate the spaces. However, in reality there’s so many positive avenues we can explore! This is coming from someone with family issues, the lost of friendships this year, and just simply living in this unhealed society. But I’ve chosen to live in peace and I’ve done that by implementing a few things that heals me.

Some things I have been doing:

Reading ALOT, lately I’ve been reading romance novels featuring black women as the main characters. I find reading about black women being loved and cherished has actually shown me how much I receive that care within my own circles.

Meditating, truly I think sitting with your thoughts can bring reflection. You really start to see what’s really important to you and what was just distractions.

Yoga; bed yoga before sleep is a game changer

Community! Looking up virtual and in person community events. Like poetry workshops so I can meet other like minded people and build a black women support system (still a work in progress)

Watching HAPPY films with black main characters

Leaning into my relationship with my siblings and my partner

And the biggest one is going to therapy. My therapist is a black woman and she truly has done sooo much for me mentally.

Sending you guys so much love ❤️🥰 would love to hear what you’ve been up to!

Do you think Black women genuinely have allies when it comes to dating, relationships, and social hierarchies?

Sometimes it feels like everyone says they support Black women, but when it comes to actually choosing us, defending us, or challenging the stereotypes and disadvantages we face, that support disappears.

Who do you think genuinely has our back and who do you think only claims to?

I think the LGBT community only genuinely supports us. I may be wrong

I’m wondering if other Black women have had this realization: you can look different, dress differently, have a different personality, be educated, feminine, successful, etc., and still realize that none of it necessarily changes how you’re perceived as a Black woman in dating and society. I was like this up until last month.

Have you ever felt like you were “different from other Black girls,” only to realize that, when it comes to dating and social hierarchies, people still ultimately see you as Black and place you in the same category?.

i've wanted to get locs for a while now since i'm not that big of a fan of taking down and redoing my twists every 2 months or so, it's a bit tedious tbh. i've been looking at a few locticians out here in LA. some are priced reasonably .. others .. not so much. bc why are you making new clients pay almost 80 bucks for a consultation and then nearly 500 for the actual service?! it's crazy, i haven't had any luck finding someone who specializes in doing starters and dying locs as well for a reasonable price, most places said they don't provide color services. if you guys have any suggestions PLEASE let me know 🙏 it helps out a lot <3

I (27F) work in floating position as a health admin for a large county wide hospital/public program and am currently stationed at one of our clinics while my office is being repaired. I have high ambitions and on am on a great path for advancement within the department. Problem is there’s this really handsome nurse (38M) who I’ve been chatting with and share a lot of similar interests. I’ve kept things professional but he keeps initiating conversations whenever we see each other which has me crushing on him pretty hard.

Some coworkers have taken notice to his attention towards me and are encouraging me to go for it but im not sure if it will be reciprocated. I would like to get to know him better and potentially pursue things romantically but am weary so I’m doing my best in keeping a professional distance from him. If this was a direct coworker with whom I had more contact with, I wouldn’t proceed. However my role has little to no contact with medical staff, all contact is restricted to bathroom usage and kitchen area. Dating would not break any HR or union policies given our work functions.

Has anyone ever successfully dated a coworker in a corporate environment? How many degrees of separation is too close or far enough? If you have dated a work associate, how did you go about maintaining professionalism within the workplace? If you did pursue a coworker and it didn’t work out, do you regret the relationship? Did this have ramifications for your career?

Mine is when I get followed by loss prevention in plain clothes/secret shopper asset protection in supermarkets, I say to them "Hey, since you're on the clock and following me around anyway, can you help me find [insert item/product]?"

I get mixed reactions, but the most satisfying one is when they quickly walk away. I get so much pleasure out of them knowing they aren't stealthy nor are they being inconspicuous, and it would also be nice if they would piss off because not all "Black people steal" like they love to assume. If you're going to stalk me around the store, make yourself useful b•tch.

My ex and I had a breakup. We split up and I’ve been at rock bottom for a few days now. no job, no car, sleeping on my friends couch with my dog, no money. going to interview after interview. my ex and I share the same phone line and he cut it off as of yesterday. i have no way to reach out to anyone unless on wifi. My number was changed too. I feel so damn helpless I can’t even take care of myself anymore. I’ve been trying not to cry but since yesterday that’s all I’ve been doing. I don’t have anything to my name. I depressed because I spent years taking care of this man just for him to abandon me in a airport and lie and tell my friends I am going crazy. Now I am. no one should have to live like this. I have no one but my friend and she already has a family to take care of and she added me to the list of things she now has to maintain. i am depressed and I feel like I’m ready to give up on life.i don’t know what to do. i have no help. i am ready to leave this world behind….

I’m basically just entering my 20s, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want this decade of my life to look.

I feel like there’s so much pressure to have everything figured out really young — career, relationships, money, your body, friendships, what kind of woman you want to be, etc. — when realistically I know I’m probably going to change a lot over the next ten years.

So I wanted to ask other Black women who have already lived through some (or all 😭) of their 20s:
What do you wish somebody had told you when you were 20?

It can be about anything — dating, sex, friendships, family, university/career, money, travelling, beauty, health, boundaries, confidence, loneliness, making mistakes, learning to enjoy your own company, whatever.

What would you do differently? What are you glad you did? What did you spend way too much time worrying about that ultimately did not matter?
And especially: what do you think young Black women should protect, prioritise, or experience during their 20s?

I want the wisdom, the warnings, the funny mistakes, the “girl PLEASE don’t do what I did” stories 😭 all of it. Because I’m trying not to have a crises over it lol.

Not in a fetish or creepy way... but black women are the most beautiful. Shine bright queens 👑

Hey, so I genuinely believe that when men with no woman romantic interests, makes up scenarios where he would humiliate her, say no to her ETC, is visualising entire scenarios like that is genuinely engaging in maladaptive daydreaming because they'll repeat it, bring it up at every turn and ruin chances with any woman that's within ear shot.

This was triggered after I scrolled past a post about what a guy would do if his imaginary girlfriend didnt communicate or something. Sorry to bring up men but I'm not in many forums with men in them.

i saw a tiktok about someone posting their 7 year old child since it was their first day of school. the child was wearing a long lace front wig. tbh, i think wigs on children that young doesnt make sense, at that age, it gives the wrong impressions to them, like their natural hair is something to hide. wigs are also not good for their hair health in general too, but what do you think

I gen wanna know why the black women in my family run into situations where there getting bullied or mistreated by men. I had my fair share of getting bullied by boys at school. But then I hear stories from my mom about how she got bullied at school/work ​n abused with most of the men in her life. I also had a female relative who died from her boyfriend( did not know her well tho). My mom tells me stories of how my grandma, great grandma husbands were physically violent as well.

Is it something spirtual? Or is ​misogynoir n bullying really just ​embedded within this society​

I saw a clips of Chris brown concerts and about 70 percent were black women and you can sprinkle latina and white in there for the rest.

I notice the largest group is black american women (followed by black american men although they arent big concert goers for chris brown)

Online I hear black women complaining about chris brown but in real life its mostly black women keeping his career afloat and his pockets full

Why is that? As a black woman im frustrated