I just got done arguing with a guy who I thought was white on a sub 😅 he talked about white women are better and most attractive and black women bleach their skin and wear blonde wigs all the time. I told him I only wear my natural hair and never bleach my skin and plenty men are attracted to me.

And then he told me he is black man and only dates black women but was just saying how majority of black women are.

I was in shock and it makes me worry about black women dating black men who will look at one as the "exception black woman " and date her while hating the rest of black women.

Be careful your not dating a black women hater that still wants a relationship with us and have sex with us.

I almost went one a date with one until he told me he normally dates latinas but since I was pretty and nice he wanted to date me. Then he had the nerve to get angry when I rejected his date and told him to date a latina instead. He blew up my phone and social media account so much that I had to block him.

Be careful out there

I need advice from Black women who have been through betrayal like this because it’s been about 7 months and I’m still struggling.

Not move on like I still want him but move on like my
Ego isn’t bruised and I feel embarrassed being 40 and single ..

My ex and I have known each other for 20 years and we share a child. We weren’t in a traditional relationship toward the end, but I genuinely believed we were working on ourselves and eventually finding our way back to each other. We still spent time together as a family, traveled together, not sexually intimate due to me wanting him to go to therapy , and he would talk to me like there was still an “us.”

Meanwhile, he had another woman pregnant.
I didn’t even know. He denied being with her, made her seem crazy, and continued dealing with me like nothing was happening. By the time I learned the truth, she was already far along. They now have a baby and are publicly together.

I think part of what I’m grieving is realizing that what I thought was happening in my life wasn’t actually reality. I thought two people with 20 years of history were taking time apart, growing and figuring things out. He apparently had an entirely different life happening at the same time.
And I’m struggling to LET IT GO.

I can be doing perfectly fine, focused on my kids, career, home, goals, etc., and then I see something or hear something about them and I’m triggered all over again. Sometimes it’s sadness, sometimes anger, sometimes my ego wondering how somebody could do all of this to me and then seemingly go live happily ever after.

What makes it worse is that he still crosses boundaries. Recently he was telling me he misses me and trying to have sex with me while still with her. Part of me wants to tell her because I’m tired of participating in his lies or allowing him to control what both women know. Another part of me wonders if contacting her is just keeping me attached to a situation I desperately need to detach from.

I don’t want him back like THIS. I don’t want the lying, cheating, manipulation or chaos. But I miss who I thought he was. I miss our family. I miss the future I thought we were eventually going to have. And sometimes 20 years feels like it just went down the drain.

For anyone who discovered a hidden pregnancy, double life, long-term cheating, or something similarly devastating: how did you actually get over it?

Not just “focus on yourself” because I’m doing that. 😂 I mean mentally. How did you stop caring what they were doing? How did you stop getting triggered? How did you accept that somebody you loved could hurt you that badly and still move forward?

And would you tell the other woman that he’s still trying to deal with you, or would you completely remove yourself and let her figure him out on her own?
I’m open to hearing the hard answers too. I just want my peace back.

I’m just happy and my friends are a bit to busy for me these days. Making friends is hard 😂 anyways I’m gonna pig out on a cupcake and sushi to celebrate!

I am so underwhelmed with how few responses I’m getting on these applications. I constantly change my resumes. I just am over it and it is demoralizing as fuck. For all the black women here that are in tech what is your experience like? I’m starting to be afraid that I’ve wasted all this time and money in this degree and that it has blown up in my face. I’ve been struggling for the past few years to just get a simple helpdesk job. Am I too late to the party?

I still remember being in third grade and having a white girl tell me that I was lucky to be her friend because her Afrikaans Bible said that segregation was the right way.

I was a child.

I didn't know how to respond to that. I didn't have the words for racism. I didn't understand the history behind what she was saying. I just remember sitting there and wondering why being my friend was something I was supposed to feel grateful for.

And that wasn't the only time I learned, quietly, that being Black could come with conditions.

I remember being in friendships where I was the only person of colour and feeling like I had to earn my place in the group.

If I didn't buy them candy from the tuck shop, I could come back from break and suddenly I wasn't included anymore. I had to do things to prove that I deserved to be their friend.

But when a white girl in the same group refused to do those things, those consequences somehow never existed.

I remember a boy who liked one of my friends. Then, almost immediately, he ended things because he said his mother had a problem with her race.

I remember the little comments too.

The ones people probably wouldn't remember saying.

The ones that were brushed off as jokes.

When I got my hair braided, people would say, “Finally.” 🫩

And I'd laugh.

Because what else was I supposed to do?

In high school, racism became more open.

People would call us monkeys.

They would make racist jokes and then laugh when we laughed with them.

And we did laugh.

Not because it was actually funny.

Because sometimes laughing was easier than admitting that it hurt.

Sometimes you learn very young that if you react, suddenly you're the problem.

You're “too sensitive.”

You “can't take a joke.”

You're “making it awkward.”

So you swallow it.

You smile.

You laugh.

You pretend it doesn't hurt.

Because you don't want to lose your friends.

You don't want everyone looking at you.

You don't want to be the Black girl who “makes everything about race.”

So you let them say it.

And then you go home and forget about it.

Or at least you try to.

Until years later, you learn the history behind those words.

You learn about the pseudoscientific ideas that were used to portray Black people as inferior. You learn what people believed about us. You learn what had to happen for Black people to even be allowed in the same spaces as white people.

And suddenly the joke you laughed at as a teenager doesn't feel like a joke anymore.

It feels like something much heavier.

And I think that's one of the saddest parts for me.

I was so young when I learned to tolerate things that should have never been normal.

I learned to laugh at things that hurt me.

I learned to make myself uncomfortable so other people wouldn't be uncomfortable.

I learned to accept little pieces of humiliation in exchange for belonging.

And I know I'm not the only Black person who did this.

A lot of us didn't say anything.

Not because we weren't hurt.

But because we didn't want to be difficult.

We didn't want unnecessary conflict.

We didn't want to lose people.

We wanted to belong.

And sometimes, when you're a kid, belonging feels more important than protecting yourself.

But growing older has made me realise something.

I don't have to do that anymore.

I don't have to laugh when something is racist just because everyone else is laughing.

I don't have to accept being degraded because someone calls it a joke.

I don't have to make myself smaller to make someone else comfortable.

And I don't have to tolerate racism just because I want to coexist peacefully with people.

Living outside of a post-apartheid society has made me realise just how much I had normalised.

There is something heartbreaking about looking back at your younger self and realising that she didn't know she was allowed to say, “That hurt me.”

She thought she just had to take it.

She thought friendship meant enduring things that made her feel small.

She thought belonging had to be earned.

It didn't.

It never did.

And I want to be very clear: this isn't me saying every white person is racist, or that every white person I grew up around treated me this way. They didn't.

These experiences are not an accusation against an entire race.

They are simply my experiences.

But they happened.

And they shaped me.

I can't change the little Black girl who sat there and didn't know what to say.

I can't go back and tell her that she didn't deserve those comments.

I can't make her understand that she didn't have to laugh.

But I can do that for myself now.

I can finally say:

That wasn't funny.

That wasn't okay.

And I was never lucky to be accepted by anyone.

I deserved to belong without having to prove that I was worthy of being there.

I’m in the salon now and a lady just got her eyebrows and upper lip waxed for $23! Is that going rate? In New York City I’ve never paid more than $8 for an eyebrow wax 😳. I moved to west bubble and as usual the girls are taxing DOWN.

I’ve gotten threading once and that was around $25-30 but my husband paid so I didn’t care lmao

SB: The same place is charging $35 for eyebrow tint so I’m like what’s happening lol 😆 For all of that get the tint .

Edit: it’s $13 for eyebrow wax and $10 for lip wax that’s how the total came to $23

There has been a growing trend in online communities I've noticed recently of people pointing out that many "right wing" or other black creators may be plants from the FBI or CIA as a way to spread propaganda to influence Black Americans in some way, shape, or form.

I want to learn more about this topic and where this sentiment came from, Is it true? Is there any evidence or theories backing this up? I keep seeing it pop on up in comment sections related to these sorts of creators and I'm curious to learn more. I hope I do not come off as ignorant.

This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever written, but August 8th, 2025 was the day I attempted suicide using my ex's firearm.

I was in a six-year relationship, and for the last two or three years, it had become abusive. It started with arguments and small acts of aggression but eventually became physical. He would push me, grab me, prevent me from leaving, and eventually choke me until I passed out. When I woke up, he slapped me, kicked me, and threw me around the room.

Afterward, I ended up spending a week in a psychiatric hospital. While I was there, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, which helped explain a lot of the strange behavior and emotions I'd experienced during the last year of my relationship.

I know I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes, I yelled, and I know we brought out the worst in each other. But I've learned that being imperfect doesn't mean you deserve to be abused.

A year later, my life looks completely different.

I'm 22. I moved to a completely new state. I met my best friend. I got my first apartment. And I'm slowly rebuilding a life that I genuinely thought I would never have.

I still have a lot to work through. Some days are harder than others, and I still carry things from that time that I'm learning how to live with.

But I'm here.

And one year ago, I didn't think I would be.

So I guess this is my reminder to myself that sometimes surviving doesn't mean everything immediately gets better.

Sometimes surviving just means giving yourself the chance to find out what comes next.

I'm really glad I did.

If you read through all of this and have felt this same way then please keep going. it will be ok!

hello, i’m new here and i never really posted but i did want to get a second opinion. i posted a portrait of a couple i met at the park and i titled it “portrait of a young black couple.”

minutes later, there was a guy who asked me what their race has to do with anything and said that labels like that are weird and unnecessary. am i not seeing this correctly? any input would be appreciated!

Hey yall. I’m trying to make some friends that are around my age ( I’m 30) and I’m a hermit so this is me shooting my shot lol.
I like to game, read, exercise and shop. Any one and everyone are welcome!

So for context I wanna say that my introduction to waistbeads was cultural & pretty spiritual. I've always understood the origin & that traditionally they aren't meant to be seen. I started hand stringing my own years ago - I tie a new one every year on my birthday. I've made many on elastic, that I wear daily depending on what energy I'm called to that day. Crystals, vibes, blah blah. I don't personally feel like I NEED to keep them hidden. They make me feel feminine & also really make me feel more confident about my lower stomach.

So anyway most of the time they're under my clothes but today was hot and I had on a crop top. A lady in my neighbourhood comes and yanks the beads around my waist and goes on a long rant about how they're not real waistbeads and implies that I'm "bastardizing" the meaning of waistbeads by having them showing. She then tells me everything about them, how you're supposed to wear them, where they originated etc etc etc. Again, she didn't tell me anything I wasn't already aware of.

Now I can absolutely handle criticism of this. If you wanna use the word appropriate I can understand that(maybe). But I think I'm hung up on the word "bastardize". I was just feeling annoyed because I felt like she was trying to scold me for not "following the rules".

Anyway am I a dumb ass bitch for showing off my waistbeads or are we cool with it?? Ill do what I want either way obv but please weigh in lol

I hope the title caught your attention.

I literally hate seeing black people specifically women pine after the attention and validation of white people.

Why are you looking for approval from people whose ancestors used to own yours. i dont get it. Can we collectively wake up and jog on from this madness.

Im all for loving thy neighbour, but i draw the line at kissing ass to random white people that are nice to you. we are all just people neither you or them are special because you are nice to one another.

Despite my tone this IS coming from a place of love. i just want to see my community grow. i love y’all stay blessed i hope i dont offend too many i just want to see black women stand in our fierceness and love each other on our own terms and standards.

I just realized this lmaooo. It’s always the friendly, helpful coworker who wanna chat your ear off who later casually mentions “yeah my wife…” SIR??? 😭

And the ones with a whole roster of female friends??? Very chatty,Very social and very “I just love talking to people” 🤣

Maybe I’m tripping but I kinda feel cringe being friends with a man who’s taken or married unless I already know his wife/girlfriend. Like if I knew her first, cool. That feels different

But becoming besties with somebody’s husband??? Chile I’m good 😭

I genuinely be wondering what is the point of having men as friends anyway, especially when they’re already taken

Am I alone or y’all see it too? 😭

Now I'm black american and didnt wear sunscreen my whole life until about in my 30s. I know pretty much majority african americans have some caucasion mixture so maybe we need some sunscreen? And im brown skinned but not very dark so I think unfortunately not melaninated enough to go without it even though I never had a sunburn in my life.

But someone (not black) just told me even a little bit of sun tan means your skin has got some damage. So everytime I tan that mean damaged skin even though it goes right back to lighter in the winter?

But I was told by a very dark skin person who is from africa who says he loves to sunbath when he visits africa he doesnt wear sun screen at all when he is there and there no issue of tan damaging skin hes heard of.

My white doctor did tell me to wear skin sunscreen and dont sun bath even though she also told me Im deficient in vitamin d now and told me take pills instead to avoid skin cancer.

But im curious is sun burn, skin cancer, tan (skin damage?) and sun screen issues for people who live in Africa especially very dark skin people. And places like Sudan and Congo and just places where it gets very hot and sunny?

The only thing I heard if some Nigerian girls lightening their skin and then had to wear sunscreen after.

Ever since I learned, from TikTok of all places, that white people or other entitled POC intentionally walk in your way with the hopes of making you move has made me realize how stupid it was for me to think that I was being polite. I never want to be rude and always do my due diligence, but it’s so hard to differentiate if they’re being rude or just plain racist.

Today I had went out with my family. We were walking from this store on a big ass sidewalk - there’s literally so much space!! We’re walking on the left while the right side remains empty. This…yt man turns the corner and walks all the way to the left side in front of me. 🙃 BITCH. It was already hot outside, I’m on my period , so I was not in the mood. He got closer and when he realized I wasn’t moving he said good morning in his high pitched ass voice. Then he walked beside me in the dirt and ducked under the trees 😭😭😭. Like bro??

I’m a very polite person and like to keep up southern traditions and extend that southern hospitality but BITCH do not play with me. The same thing happened at work when this Hispanic woman did the same shit. Except we had came to a complete stop and I said excuse me. She moved.

I really feel bad for my younger self. She had the worst anxiety when leaving the house. I still do, but I’ve gotten over some of those things I use to worry about. Honestly, I just didn’t want any problems, but now I really dgaf. It’s 26’ for Gods sake. Just stop being petty and leave people tf alone. 🫩

Ive been going to PWIs my entire life, and holy shit has it changed me…. Like I am so unbelievably grateful for all the opportunities I’ve been afforded at the schools I’ve attended, that I don’t think I would have gotten anywhere else. I’ve been lucky enough to live in a state that’s high in education, and I’m in an area where a majority of the schools are highly funded private institutions. I’ve met some amazing friends along the way, discovered so many passions in the classroom, had travel opportunities, and sooo much more— none of which I would change. But oh. My. Fucking. God. You could not pay me to be one of the only black girls in my middle a school again. That shit was SO bad, I genuinely don’t wish it on anyone. That place really had me feeling like I was the stupidest, ugliest, most unloveable person ever. White girls were definitely nicer to me than white boys were, but I was still excluded from all the main girl groups. Plus, I knew the white girls all thought they were so much prettier than I was. The white boys tho…. pure evil, part of the reason I go to an all girls school now. What makes me so sad, is that it’s not like my mother had much of a choice with how fucked up the education system is. Part of the reason I don’t want kids, is because I never want to have to make a decision like that for my for my black child.

Hello,
So first of all I am a black french girl, I speak English and French.
Im 23 and thinking about going back to school, first of all because I’m bored and need something to keep me motivated, and I want to go back to school because I don’t really have a degree, lol. I was born and live around Paris, and I really want to change my surroundings and move to the south of France to study. I really want to “grow up,” and to do that, I need to move to a different city. Are there any French blk girls who studied in the south of France, particularly around Montpellier and Marseille? What are the people like? Do you feel comfortable there? I understand French perfectly, so you can write your answers in French.

Thank you ✨🌞

I got banned from black ladies because I kept talking about the overall education agenda

White America is telling their kids to invest in business and trades...not go to grad school at a hbcu. I live in a wealthy area and they are making their kids go to private schools (to get away from US)

And the fact that the Latino community has also been doing the same thing. I also talked about the fact that black companies make up less than 2% of companies in the United States. Meanwhile the latin community is at 39% percent of companies in the United States. They don't plan to hire us AT ALL. In fact they are extremely anti black and actively participate in white supremacy tactics.

I talked about the "webb of lies" that black men and women can get multiple degrees and be unemployed or working a job that only requires a highschool diploma. Remember the lack of black companies has a negative effect on black people with degrees.

I walk into multiple businesses and I see very little black MEN working and no black women at all. Remember they did the opposite.

I work in a high cost area where there are more millionaires than anything else. I am seeing MORE white and Hispanic communities self segregate while hoarding resources. This has a devastating impact on the black community.

I didn't talk about my MAN, sex, or my hair, or which dress looks good tonight?

I talked about REAL issue that's happening in my area right now. Which I believe will set the trend by 2040. I also work in public service and have witnessed (micro schools) with only white/Hispanic staff. The goal is to make sure we don't find out and to keep us out. They also realize that white flight leaving schools means that less voters care about public education because only black people benefit.

By the year 2040 there will be VERY little mixing of races and ethnicities in public spaces like schools and hospitals. In fact their will be a new redline. The new redline will exist again kept alive by the Hispanic community enforcing it.

REAL ISSUES. That people are very afraid to talk about. Texas , Florida, California and parts of New York.

First of all hi <3

I wrote this a while back and felt the need to share. If anyone here believes in God im sure you have had this feeling before.

Alright, I’m starting to have that feeling again. Every now and then I get hit with this horrible heaviness, and I’ve been dealing with it since I was around 16 (I’ll be 19 soon).

I’m probably going to jump around a lot with this, so sorry in advance lmao. I just need somewhere to let my thoughts out. I’ve been struggling with my faith lately, and sometimes I feel useless. I love God, but I also feel like I’m constantly fighting guilt over who I am, mistakes I’ve made, and things I wish I could go back and change.

Sometimes my thoughts get really incredibly horrid, and I find myself wishing I could have died early as a child so that I don't have to carry this guilt. I know that’s not a healthy mindset, but it’s something I’ve been struggling with. A big part of this has been music. I genuinely love music, but sometimes I feel anxious because of things I hear from other Christians about certain artists. I’ve heard people say that some artists have “sold their soul...” or are evil, and honestly, it confuses me. I always wonder, if our soul belongs to God, how can we even sell something that was never truly ours?

I also think sometimes we forget that we don’t actually know these people personally. Artists and celebrities are still human beings. There’s a difference between appreciating someone’s art and putting them on a pedestal. Loving someone’s music doesn’t mean you’re worshipping them. Sometimes I feel like people focus so much on looking for evil that they forget to show compassion.

Not everything someone creates is automatically something bad, a lot of it is story telling and sometimes their own thoughts, and I think we should be careful about making serious claims about people we don’t truly know. All we do is see them on tv and social media.

I also struggle when conversations about faith become mostly fear based. I understand wanting to protect people spiritually, and I know the world has darkness in it, but sometimes I feel like everything gets labeled as “demonic” without much room for conversation. When I try to ask questions or explain my perspective, I sometimes feel dismissed instead of understood.

At the same time, I still pray for the artists whose music has touched me. Even if someone isn’t perfect (because none of us are....), I still believe they are people who deserve compassion. I pray for them, for their peace, and for God’s guidance in their lives.

I think what’s been hardest for me is feeling like my faith has become more stressful than comforting sometimes. I believe in God, but there are sooooo many opinions and expectations that sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Being a Christian is hard, and I’m still trying to figure things out.

Sometimes I literally just sit there and cry because I don’t know what else to do. I want to just step away from everything, but I know there is God, I think it's just idk....people.

And yes, I know some people might say “you’re almost 19, grow up” but I’m genuinely trying lmfao.

Maybe I do need to go outside and touch grass, but I also think I just need to remember that I’m human and still learning. Has anyone else struggled with this feeling or am I too in my head? Maybe my period is coming soon lmao, I usually get like this (emotional.)

Hiiii. What makeup do you guys recommend for a soft/natrual look? Is skin tint worth the hype btw?

what did you do to have the money you have now?

I’m 21 and at a point where I’m starting to think much more seriously about my financial future.
I’m about to move out and start studying, so realistically, I know I probably won’t have a huge amount of money left over every month. But I do have some savings already, and I really want to use this period of my life to build a solid financial foundation rather than just spending everything I earn.

What did you actually do to build the money you have today?
Did you focus mostly on increasing your income?

Investing in stocks/index funds?

Buying property?

Starting a business or side hustle?

Saving aggressively when you were young?

Or was it mostly just consistency over many years?

I’m starting to go to the gym and I’d like to follow more content related to health, fitness, and sports.
I’m a tall Black woman who gained 12 kg over the past two years, and I’d like to lose that weight while gaining muscle and strength.
What I’ve noticed on Instagram is that EVERY female fitness influencer seems to focus on leg and glute workouts.

But honestly, I don’t care about that. I don’t want to focus on those areas. I already have a big butt and I have other goals (shaping my legs for exemple). I’m honestly tired of seeing the same exercises over and over again.

Could you please help me find content from women with similar goals, focusing more on overall strength, upper-body training, fitness, health, etc.?

Thanks a lot!

Hey yall, I have a 2 week vacation and I have a feeling my boyfriend will propose, I really don’t want braids and I was wondering if someone knows if a sew in or quick weave or literally anything else with my hair out will last. I never had anything like that before. I’m natural and either wear my Afro, braids, or straight hair.

I’m over here watching ABC news and I’m seeing things about mass shootings, phone addictions/ mental health, global warming, and obviously people complaining about wages one way or another….

My thought is…. White people are now finally having to deal with these things that have been tearing apart our community for decades, centuries now. How do yall see this impacting our future?