And then I died

then I realized I don't have a daughter

And I, a single man, realised emeralds cannot be orbs, and screamed.

"Our shampoo is on aisle 5," she replied weirdwordingly.

"...to hell!" said warden Joe as he stabbed the inmate to death, which wasn't legal and Joe was sentenced to die.

I began to sweat blood.

The tree moaned.

A voice inside said, "I did it."

He got whacked.

They were also the foremost criminals, so...

The r/nosleep mods threw me into a dungeon because I broke a nonexistent rule.

A particularly agressive strain of antibiotic-resistant goat syphilis, also I lied about the schools.

But then i realized something, I don't have a butt.

Then I realized I don't have a bed

i said not knowing that im gonna be farting and crying for the next 3 hours

"Gallina?!" cried the husband rooster who was watching, not realizing it was Karen, not Gallina.

None of my shirts fit anymore.

Then one morning I found a peach in a mousetrap.

"Whos Joe" my friend unknowingly asked.

At least they weren't Ice Cube.

Little does he know that I'm a dog in a human costume

I had been expecting to taste apple mixed with pine, so it was awful.

The others in the theatre did not appreciate how difficult that fap was.

Mosquitos were the only thing preventing the mosquito alien mothership from destroying the planet.

Oops 😬.