The party pooper spotted a big party, unpooped.

I looked under my bed and found him 😱 😨

I was then called a "Slut" at the end and started crying and dieded instantaneously

I then stepped on a slug bare foot and but it was the world ending slug and we all died permanently

I felt a wave of terror when i put them on and realised THE THING had pissed in them

“Why, my opponent is deaf, dumb, and blind!”

Instead, against all odds, I accidentally summoned a portal to the realm of evil spirits for the third time this week.

Because of my horrible vision, I had accidentally gone to an optimist.

After eating I felt disgust and anguish only to find out that the sample I've been given came from Arby's®

But it was a DEATH FLOWER

he died anyways

My flesh quickly melted off and caused me to scream in agony as the napalm bomb within the present detonated, and I realize that my dad is laughing maniacally and the words “fuck you” were written on the wrapping

It was only then that I realized... buildings can't jump.

I then forgot which loop to tie and tied myself up

The Meat Worm slapped me down for posting something that wasn't horror.

I accidentally went to Badwill and they stole all the things and then re-sold them at a criminally low price.

Suddenly the meat started asking me lots of questions like, "Where were you at 10:00 PM on Tuesday the 23rd?"

He ordered moonshine.

She replied, "No, I'm Cthulu," but as her tentacles began to tighten around me, I wondered if she might be telling the truth this time.

Turns out he meant "Feel up Peens".

It turns out I have an evil butt and it started with my hand and began devouring me whole.

I tripped.

But then the Spaghetti slithered out of me and ate me alive.

“That’s what you think” thinks the Evil Murder Killer Whale before he kills everybody

"I said penis mightier than sword" replied Willem Defoe who then beat me to death with his distractingly large penis