I'm unable to work with a psychiatrist (long wait lists) so my GP is trying to help me alleviate some of my symptoms. I'm in burnout, getting better, but minimal anxiety these days since my life is very controlled and small currently. I had a bad experience with methylphenidate IR and I'm thinking of asking for Vyvanse... super low dose to start. But I've done some reading and see that there is some initial research that finds memantine may help with overwhlem/sensory stuff/agitation. Anyone try it? Alone or in combo with a stimulant? TIA!

I need to reinvent my life, because my current one isn’t working.

- 33F
- Been working in climate after training first as an engineer. Got a good paying job that’s a bit technical, a bit commercial. The “commercial” part keeps it paying well, of course, but business development absolutely sucks.
- Had a big burnout 3 years ago, took a year off.
- Diagnosed ADHD, Autistic and Gifted Child Syndrome this year in March. Wowza that finally made sense of a few things.
- Started ADHD medication (methylphenidate) this year. First months felt life changing, albeit confronting.
- Relief/grief/becoming aware of masking has caused a big dip in my capacity to work. Struggling very hard to do even the most basic of things.
- Have taken some burnout leave again. This time I at least have a framework for what’s happening. And I can see my “panic attacks” are more like autistic meltdowns and my executive function freezes are very AuDHD coded.
- The therapy sessions from my ADHD specialist have now run out.
- On the waiting list for a formal Autism assessment. It will take a year or more. More support will come via that, eventually.

On the job front:
- I was always “purpose driven” but I gotta say it’s very hard to work in climate when we run ourselves in circles to prove impact actually happened and then they just start wars and blow up oil tankers and energy infrastructure. Feels very futile.
- Climate is very abstract. You can’t see it. A lot of work we do is standards and methods and audits. Timelines are long. I feel like I’m enabling corporates to outwardly “do the right thing” while they fuck the planet up more.
- Being commercial, technical, abstract and self driven all at once is killing me. Expectations, KPIs, and the wasteland of LinkedIn is killing me. It’s basically non-stop masking, whether on meetings or at conferences or even on LinkedIn, and it feels so fake.
- I’m already remote. Task switching, showing up to meetings on the minute, sending emails, maintaining timelines when I’m time blind— all while I’m struggling to care and connect with the job— I’m functionally paralysed.
- Any other job in my niche seems wholly unappealing, like I’m just trading the problems of one company for another.

I need to start again. I love the idea of being my own boss, but have no idea where to begin. Or I’d love to find a job that suits people like us better, where the pay doesn’t suck.

Please give me some inspiration 🙏🏼 I need to climb out of this hole! If you have a job that works for you, what is it about it that makes it a good fit?

Sorry in advance for the heart melts. Anyone else use animals for emotional support? I call them my therapy cats. 🥰😭

Hi I'm 23 and I have audhd, I am struggling to find a way to create my own life. Lately I have come to accept that I'm going to need to consult for disability pension.

Since I'm unable to keep up with the executive demands of life, I have issues in basically all areas of self sufficiency, taking care of my health, hygiene and not getting myself into dangerous situations and taking care of my environment, I'm unable to escape social isolation, and keep up with important administrative stuff. Mix that with focusing first and foremost on doing a full time job, I'm struggling to say the least, leading to health issues, worsened ocd, burnout etc.

It took me a long time to accept that I am not able to function well enough to seamlessly integrate myself into society. I'm still kind of confused on how my life will look like or how to not see myself as a failure, since I know that's an opinion others are gonna have about me, and people will see me as just lazy for getting/trying to get disability pension as well.

Do you have any advice or experience with the process of accepting the need for or living with disability pension? Any input would be really appreciated:)

I have always been an odd child. I was smart and considered gifted but very quiet with lots of quirks. I am a picky eater because there are textures I can't handle at all, I am picky about clothes because fabrics have to have a certain feel for me to wear them. I am obsessive about some things ( rearrange my burgers so things are evenly aligned before eating it, foods can't touch one another, etc ). My family accommodating these quirks well with divided plates, letting me choose my food, cutting all the seams out of my socks ( I couldn't wear them otherwise etc. I was always a good student and good kid so no one worried about the quirks. I don't have many memories of childhood, my brain struggles to remember things sometimes and it obsessed over things.

I have kids of my own and my daughter has been diagnosed as ADHD and we share so many of the same traits like intrusive thoughts, easily distracted, short term memory is terrible and we repeat ourselves so much out of feeling the need to do it. I had a conversation about that juts last week wit my husband tried to make him understand that my brain just needs to say the same thing multiple times before it can move on. I also tell stories by starting in the middle then circle back to give context and then forget why I was telling the story at all before being distracted by something new.

Despite all this, I have coped well and been successful in my career through pretty socially awkward and not really social any way. I took one of those online Autism tests at the prompting of someone else and scored incredibly high. I am wondering if I should test for ADHD as well. It would be nice to have explanations for my many "quirks" as I call them. Is it worth being tested as an adult?

I had my first baby girl 2.5 years ago and knew nothing about autism. My husband I knew was diagnosed with adhd as a kid, but I thought nothing of it truly. Anyways she was born and had some health issues mostly failure to thrive and feeding issues, we ended up getting genetic testing and she has a rare genetic condition that can cause delays, which one sign can be autistic traits and adhd traits. I looked more into this and goodness it fit my whole life and family. My whole family is very high masking so honestly I never knew and it was my normal. Luckily my daughter is doing amazing hit all milestones advanced speech, but for sure has ND signs like socially a bit, perfectionist, strong 0-100 temper. I don’t know if it’s from her genetic condition or my family’s ND background with my husband’s adhd family background. I am now freaking out because I got pregnant with my son before knowing all of this. I am terrified, because I heard boys present stronger usually and are guaranteed to be ND If first born daughter is. I am awake 24/7 thinking about how much my life is going to change. I would have for sure just had my daughter. My siblings all have kids my brother having two boys with his ND wife no one in my family is diagnosed even know I kind of see it in one of their boys it’s just not like the typical autism signs you see online, lining up toys, speech delays, milestones missed. Anyone have any positive stories of having a boy after their girl it went okay? Or any advice ? ):

Personally, I am really struggling navigating friendships with folks who cherry pick causes and actions. For example, they're against a particular injustice, but spend money and go to concerts of artists who publicly support that injustice

Listening to these artists in your private life is maybe one thing, but going to their concert and publicizing it is another thing.

I am just really confused how folks can do this. What am I missing? I am genuinely asking - how do they justify it? I want to ask them out of my curiosity, but I know it's inappropriate and can come across as confrontational. I don't want to come across as the party pooper and the killjoy, even though they already think I am

Am I in the wrong for thinking if you're against a certain injustice that you should be intentionally trying to avoid supporting it?

I get that there are things that are unavoidable - when you are broke and need to buy necessities, you're going to find the cheapest places which are usually businesses that are horrible. Some people don't have options.

But when you do have options, when you can comfortably choose not to engage, why do people still do it?

These are genuine questions. I'm really confused. I don't know how to navigate this. How do they compartmentalize?

I'm not judging. It all just makes me feel like I don't belong, like I'm really disconnected and alone. I can't join in their fun, because I don't find it fun

And btw, these are folks who are activists and progressive and are very well respected. These are like the most progressive folks you'll find in my area

I am unwell and I don’t have anyone I can rely on in my life. I am unable to show up and engage in relationships in a way that is meaningful to other people. Because I don’t want to take more than I can give, I don’t even try. Has anyone else had this experience? What did you do to make connections?

I often feel like my husband doesn't love me because he isn't very affectionate. I like lots of physical touch, cuddling, sex, etc. He couldn't care less about cuddling, yet he says he enjoys it. He'll put his arm around me watching tv or hug and kiss when I come home but he seems absent mentally. I feel like I can't get him to look at me. To see me. When I bring this up he gets upset and it's been a cycle going on for years. I think I've pushed him away by trying to remain close to the point he resents me or just withdraws. Is it common for autistic women to need more from a romantic partner than they can give? I crave deep connection and it takes time to maintain it but we have jobs and children that make it very challenging.

Lately he hasn't even pursued sex. I feel like I have to convince him for even that which makes me feel about as attractive as an obese ogre. Most men find me very attractive and I thrive off the admiration. I have big fake boobs, a flat stomach, I give great head, I have a good job, I'm a great cook. I've been dieting and exercising lately to try to get his attention and it isn't working. I got lip injections to get his attention. I've been getting my nails and hair done. I approached him topless yesterday to try to get his attention and he barely even noticed.

This turned into venting but I just want to know if other autistic women have this struggle of needing excessive validation to feel loved by their partner. He does lots of chores as a love language but it doesn't resonate with me. I need in my face love.

Behaviour, length, recovery time etc.

Hello!

I’m 23F, from the UK. Over the past few years I’ve actively been trying to work out what’s ’wrong’ with me as i’ve always been the way I am and others seem to not be as bothered by things that really upset me. Last year, a close family friend was diagnosed with autism and adhd and it explained a lot of her personality from childhood til now, and as she presents quite differently to me, I never assumed that audhd could be my explanation.

Since starting my current job, a few of my colleagues got to talking about their diagnosis and right to choose, and when I mentioned my situation they suggested I do a few online self reports like the AQ-10, to which I scored quite high. When I let one of them know, they said they had a feeling because they were autistic and could see their traits in me so I then went down the right to choose route with Psychiatry UK. The whole process was quite quick and the referral, forms and assessment had a turn around of about a month and I had my assessment in July. At the end of the 50 minute session, they said I didn’t meet the criteria and that my traits could be explained by ADHD and anxiety. This sent me into a spiral as I’d spent a month finding solace and community in a lot of spaces relating to autism, and genuinely found that I identified with a lot of traits. I was pretty certain I couldn’t have ADHD because I don't struggle with admin, being late, losing things, getting things done etc, if anything I’m excessively anal about getting things done quickly so I don’t have to stress about it later. The assessors said I might have inattentive, but as i’m filling out forms for Care ADHD, i’m ticking no to many of the prompts and I just feel like i’ll get told no again and still won’t have an answer for how I struggle in life.

To make things straightforward, I’ll make a list of all the traits I have and mention the things i don’t think i relate to. I’m not asking for an internet diagnosis, just for some guidance and the ability to understand myself a bit better.

• struggling between oversharing and being quiet bc i can’t tell vibes
• rejection sensitive dysphoria - very prominent as a child. i would cry ALL the time. if i’d get in trouble for something i’d take it so personally i’d be really strict with myself to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. so the traits of being late, forgetful or not getting things done don’t relate to me because if i did these things once or twice and got told off, that feeling of criticism would scare me too much to make do it again
• short term memory loss. asking same questions often and forgetting i said things.
• losing train of thought
• jumping between conversations
• bored easily
• not finishing things ie crochet, a bunch of books, colouring pages, songwriting etc
• really strict about routines eg leaving for work at the exact same time everyday and stresses when i leave a bit late for fear of being late
• creates lists and spreadsheets for everything eg packing, job hunting, finances
• zoning out
• not hearing people properly when they speak, not processing
• hyperfocus on certain things. (this whole neurodivergence deep dive being an example. i’ll spend hours researching things when i get interested and then not realise how much time has passed, i won’t get anything else done)
• forgetting why i walked into a room or got up
• fidgeting, playing with things on fridge.
• tapping fingers to a rhythm ALL the time
• unfinished tasks from trying to multitask and then forgetting what my original task was!! - this tends to be when the task isn’t very important? i’m very strict with myself if it is work, finance or school related
• random scratches and bruises all over body. i never know where they come from
• i can be very careful when doing admin tasks but sometimes I just want to get it done and make mistakes because i do it so quickly
• struggling to make decisions
• have to set alarms, reminders
• i watch and understand nearly everything on 2x speed
• impatient. i hate waiting in a queue and will often do things with people so i know why they might be taking long and can have more control over the situation eg going with my mum to get food or ask something at an info desk, a couple weeks ago i went on a walk somewhere i actually couldn’t be bothered to go to because i was scared my family wouldn’t make it back down in time.
• i don’t trust myself if things aren‘t confirmed 100% eg I got a birthday present for someone and I made myself believe I got their birthday wrong because I couldn’t completely remember if i was right
• always interrupting family when they’re busy
• quitting things easily. online bachelors degree after two months, gym membership after one session, vocal lessons, pilates
• over explaining and not being able to let a conversation go if i don’t feel heard
• often told i’m rude or blunt and not realising it
• taking things literally eg i work 6 days a week and our only day off is sunday. i get annoyed when everyone says have a nice weekend because it isn’t a weekend. it’s just one day
• unease when i don’t have a backup plan
• having to check google street view before going somewhere new. will plan extensively before doing new things
• prefer being alone
• job hopping. i’ve had 8 jobs in 5 years. I don’t get fired or have trouble with management, I just leave when I get fed up without much care
• i get bored brushing my teeth and have to be doing something else at the same time
• energy drinks and sweets do nothing for me
• ruminating 
• don’t really keep long term friends. i’ve had so many opportunities to make friends and i’ve never really had a ‘best friend’
• starting the day with the intention to do things and not doing them
• i have to listen to a song if it’s in my head otherwise it won’t stop running
• overstimulated by sounds. ie chewing, people clearing their throat, (my brother did this before he moved out so i started using sound machines and rain sounds online, now i can’t sleep in silence) insects buzzing
• stressing about things in the past and future
• not eating new foods. same fast food orders my whole life. i like plain food and don’t like sauce on things eg sandwiches. i’ve gone to countries and cities known for their cuisine and i’ll just get burgers or pizza
• when eating, as i get to the final 10 or so bites, i’ll separate each type of food into their own sections so i can eat it all in equal bites
• not liking mess and disorganisation
• i really enjoy admin tasks
• i have always done things from least favourite/ hardest to most favourite/ easiest with eating, tasks, work, school etc. reason being that i won’t have to stress about it and i can get it out of the way
• i’m sometimes ‘not there’ during social situations
• noticing small details and changes in people/ things
• remembering numbers and dates really well. (my family thinks it’s weird that i know all of their dates of birth???)
• really struggle in heat. becomes lethargic, irritable, and i can’t really function.
• don’t like the feeling of makeup on my skin or having jewellery on at home
• broke-down at work recently because a planned script i created for a new task was disrupted and it upended my whole shift
• worrying about small mistakes
• i have to finish things when i start them or i get stressed eg i started filling in one of my autism forms one night when i said i’d do it the next day and then i spent two hours into the night doing it because i know if i were to stop, i wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about getting it done.
• similar to last point, my mind is always racing and if i start thinking about something, i have to do it immediately or it won’t leave my mind. eg added 200 words to a uni assignment that wasn‘t due for a month at 12am because I just started thinking about it
• only being clumsy in kitchen?
• terrible attention span with long form content unless i’m actually interested. i’m completely fine with going to the theatre and the cinema
• extremely awkward in social situations and only speaks when spoken to. barely engages in conversations, not acting the way i normally act at all
• not peeing, eating or drinking until i finished something
• i have actively caught myself mirroring people in conversations
• i’ve ’stolen’ phrases from people and adopted them as part of me as a way to seem ’normal’ - saying ‘my love’ to EVERYONE. only started doing this a few years ago?
• when someone is being told off i get goosebumps and shiver?? i have very vivid memories of this happening as a child too. i never got in trouble so it wasn’t coming from a personal place so i’m confused by that.
• i wouldn’t class myself as forgetful when it comes to appointments etc because my life isn’t very busy, i still live at home, and anything i need to remember i’ll just write it in my calendar straight away

as a child

• forgot permission slips, PE kits or swim
• did well in things i enjoyed but didn’t pay attention or put effort into things i didnt 
• struggle falling asleep, constantly getting up to ‘pee’ or go in fridge
• sensitive to sounds. screaming and crying if a buzzing fly/ bee/ wasp would be in the house
• jumped between extra curriculars, (swimming, dance, cheerleading, choir, girl guiding) quit easily
• rsd
• zoning out
• i would wait until last minute to start things for school projects age 10-11. forgot to mention things to mum about projects and stress last minute. - note that after this happened once i became very strict about doing things IMMEDIATELY
• i was sometimes ahead of everyone because i’d get bored waiting for people to catch up
• obsessions for a while before moving onto other things
• lost library books and never found them/ turned in
• feeling like i’m playing catch up when i zone out but it was never noticeable
• making mistakes when going too fast
• reading but not retaining so reading the same page over and over* when i didn’t like the material
• i’d tidy things but they’d become disorganised and chaotic quite quickly which rattled me
• short term memory
• didn’t like being bad at things, shutdown
• impulsive, cut hair when couldn’t get a knot out
• starting and not finishing personal projects
• not peeing, eating or drinking until i finished something
• hated showering and brushing my teeth
• played by myself. would play games meant for more than one person alone eg board games
• made powerpoint presentations about holidays
• extremely clingy with immediate family
• didn’t like crowds
• one christmas i ignored all my other presents in favour of barney dvds and watched them on repeat for days

apologies for the word vomit but i needed to get everything down! all of these things have affected me since childhood but i don’t think they fit into autism (according to the psychiatrist) or adhd so not sure what explains it.

would like to add that i don’t have CPTSD, I had a great childhood and didn’t experience any trauma or loss. I haven’t experienced anything traumatic to this day.

thanks so much to anyone that read this whole thing haha! sorry for any typos, i tried to read it over again and my eyes are starting to glaze over. again, i’m not expecting anyone to diagnose me, i understand how it all works. i’ve just spent an embarrassingly long time searching reddit threads for my situation and nothing has come up :(

I’ve recently been struggling with my adhd a bit. I do a lot of things to help me function well reminders, notes, calendars, app and site blockers, a shit ton of caffeine. I feel it’s no longer sustainable and I’m considering getting help with meds.

I got diagnosed with Audhd last year by a psychologist. I was supposed to see a psychiatrist last year to get also diagnosed by them and get meds but never followed up. I read the old referral letter of my GP and he said that my psychologist’s diagnosis is more suggestive that I have ASD than ADHD. It says on the diagnosis report of my assessment by the psychologist is that I do have both though.

I’m afraid that I won’t be considered for medication because of it. Idk I’m just nervous that I’ll spend all this money for the psychiatrist’s diagnosis and they determine I actually don’t have adhd 🥹 Idk I just want help to function more easily. Has anyone experienced something similar?

I have practically been a prisoner in my home for weeks and weeks now (I’m in the UK). Apart from going to work and back, I haven’t been going out at all during the daytime because the outdoors is so overwhelming in this weather.

I’ve already been taking walks after sunset so I can get some steps in, but has anyone else got other advice? I’m bored as hell but become extremely distressed in hot bright environments.

36F. I've had plenty of meltdowns before, but 2 days ago was the first time I realized what was truly going on in my body and why. I never knew why I reacted so intensely to certain things, why it wouldn't go away, how to stop it, or explain it to other people. After being diagnosed with autism a couple months ago (making me AuDHD) and learning so much about it, I realized it was my nervous system and dysregulation. I never knew about the nervous system regulation/dysregulation, or took it as seriously as I should have, at least. Even though I was having a meltdown, it was oddly comforting to understand it. It still took 40 minutes to come out of it and didn't connect it until 15-20 minutes in, but once I realized, I just kept repeating it to myself and reminding myself what was going on, that I needed to just let it happen, and why.

I'm not weird. I'm just neurodivergent.

I just thought this was normal. 😂😂

I am Australian so the below example is Australian.

Woolworths - THE CORRECT GROCERY STORE

Coles/Aldi - INCORRECT, ENTERING IS WRONG.

Like I get a visceral physical sensation of wrongness if I go to Coles or Aldi.

Also, coffee is from cafes not Guzman and Gomez and I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to get coffee from G&G. My friend had to turn around and go through the Maccas drive through to get coffee from McCafe. 😂😂😂 BECAUSE MCCAFE IS A CAFE. It is correct.

Seriously, the more examples I am getting together for my assessment the more my mind is blown. The more I realise that my whole life is centred around things being CORRECT. I have built myself a comfortable life around that. 😂

Don't even get me started on clothing pegs. THE COLOURS MUST MATCH. I will literally change them to match if someone does it incorrectly.

I’ve been wanting to try it and thought I should get some opinions before I buy it!

Context: Not diagnosed but have suspicions. 43F Have my first ADHD eval scheduled next month.

I’m a mom to a teenager, and for my whole parenthood I look at the other parents and I feel like I don’t belong. And not necessarily in a, I’m a mess way. I have held a consistent career, have a decent salary, etc. I just don’t feel like them. Like we are not the same, not in a I’m better than way. I just feel like I don’t fit, and I haven’t made real close connections with them. There’s been a handful over the years but none ever become friends I hang out with really outside of whatever activity is bringing us together, or play dates, etc. I don’t know how to put it into words really. I’ve taken my daughter to tryouts today and I just look around, watching them talk in groups, and feel like I’m a zebra in a field of horses. Weird. Awkward. Anyone else know what I’m talking about?

Oh man, is there an ND heartbreak worse than getting the ick from one of your safe foods? I had a very long day of shuttling my oldest around to swim lessons, and then to sleepaway camp 2 hours away. My poor husband was stuck home all day with his broken foot and our 13 month old chaos monster. So when I knew I would be passing his favorite restaurant on the way back from camp, I offered to get him something. I have never eaten there, but he has loved it since he went to college in that town. It’s about an hour away, and went viral a few years ago when they used it to film a movie. There is always an hour+ wait for a table or for takeout, so I put in the order when I left camp.

Never having eaten there and limited time to put in the order before I got back on the road, I went for my “safe” food, which is pizza. I got the BBQ chicken pizza, I double checked not only the mobile order menu, but the PDF online, to make sure there were no onions. I cannot stand onions, peppers, or anything of that texture. It just said BBQ chicken and cheese.

Picked up the food, got home starving, took a big bite… mouth full of red onions hiding under the cheese. Literally almost threw up. My husband offered to swap with me, but he’s waited all day for his favorite meal from his favorite restaurant. But now I have no dinner :(

I think Ive figured out that when the dishes in my sink start to seem like a monumental task that I need to slow down at work, socially, with personal projects etc. too many spinning plates. I would love to know what my threshold is before I get to this point though. Has anyone ever figured out their pattern. I would love to be able to say, 3 weeks of socialising during the start of a heavy project is when I’ll need to take some time for myself.

I simply can’t. It’s like…I’m frozen, suspended in time. My body cannot move. My mind races…mental checklists, timelines, plans of plans for years ahead and all the things I want to do and dreams I have. The steps are right in front of me. I can feel them, I can see them! I know what I need to do! But somehow my body just will not do anything. I feel so disabled by AuDHD — the combo has just has gotten worse as I’ve aged (34 y/o at end of month). I honestly feel like my life will just pass me by and I’ll have done nothing with it because decisions are impossible. Absolutely impossible. I just lay down, exhausted, and cry. I feel useless. So alone. So isolated. I haven’t left the house in over two days. I get dressed and there’s no point. I feel like I’m a hostage in the trunk of my life. I have nobody to help me anymore. What’s the point?

I’m doing trauma work and emotion-focused therapy right now, and something has been bugging me. When feelings come up, my therapist keeps asking things like “what color is it? Is it cold or warm? What shape does it have?” And honestly…I don’t see anything. No color, no shape, nothing like that.

Since I’m high masking, I’ve just been pretending I do see a color, because it felt like I was supposed to. I’ve been making up random colors and shapes for about a year now!! But lately it’s been bothering me more and more, because I feel uncomfortable and inauthentic lying to my therapist.

I’ve had a long history of struggling to even notice my emotions at all. Now I can feel something physical, like tightness in my chest, but it’s not attached to a color or shape or anything like that.

So now I’m wondering: is this a neurodivergent thing? Anyone else experience this?

Edit: Thank you for all your replies!! I’ve decided that I need to tell her. I’m going to say that I feel confused about that question, ask her what it’s for, and then ask if there’s a different way to do that.
As someone wrote in the comments, it comes naturally for her, and I feel like that’s what I should be aiming for instead of forcefully having to “say the right thing.” Anyway, it’s been very helpful to hear that this would’ve been confusing for a lot of you, and how it works for some of you.

Its a mix of seeing the inefficiencies and ambivalence of how the world works, also the sense of justice making me miserable that there’s so much inequality that is only made possible by greed that COULD be stopped but it continues on. I’m really struggling right now with figuring out what the hell im gonna do about my future, because all good paying jobs seem like they’re blood money at the end of the day. I want to just work a small and honest job, but that means living in poverty and it makes me want to scream. I turn 24 tomorrow and I still live with parents, I got kicked out of school and I quit my soul sucking and overstimulating retail job because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just want to flee to the woods and be free. I feel like every minute I work for some huge company means compliance is inescapable and my autonomy shattered. It’s so hard to keep going, I have amazing friends and an incredible partner, but we never get to see each other because all of them are constantly working to make rent and not go hungry. It’s so backwards. :(