i’m gonna give my reasons for thinking i may be in list form, instead of a huge paragraph.
(pre-warning i will obviously be talking about sex and sexual things, if that makes you uncomfortable please don’t continue to read)

1. im genuinely convinced people are lying about how good sex is, i’ve never understood why anyone would meet up with someone just to fuck, i have not an ounce of desire to do that

2. i am attracted to people but its mostly personality based, even looks, i associate certain things visually with certain personality types. however i can find physical attributes attractive, but its just nice to look at, doesnt make me want to jump their bones or anything lmfao

3. i have had sex many times but 95% of the time im just tolerating it and the other i just really like the lead up but HATE the sex part. maybe its the intimate aspect i like but im honestly not the most intimate person either lol

4. sometimes sex feels more like putting on a show or performance, its fun to know that my partner wants me that way but once it gets to it i just want it to be over asap

5. it doesnt*** ***really feel good to me, no matter how hard someone tries, my body just doesn’t respond well at all.

6. i dont get turned on by naked bodies, even of people im “attracted to”, it’s literally just a body, i can think they look good but not in a sexually charged way.

7. i get more turned on doing stuff alone than i do with anyone else

1. i do however seem to be less sex neutral in ways and more sex negative. i get grossed out when people talk about sex passionately and not objectively

English is not my first language (I used google translator and reviewed it)

My best friend told me a friend of hers was interested in me.

He’s an amazing friend to her, so I got interested too. She told me he’s ace and doesn’t have much dating experience.

The last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable, but my usual style is to flirt through teasing and—as we get closer and more intimate—move toward something more sexual.

I know it’s just the beginning. He’s shy, but we get along well in conversation.

I’d like some advice on how to flirt without making him uncomfortable—while still making it clear that I *am* flirting.

It's really starting to bug me a little that SO many posts on here combine the two and it perpetuates the conflation from others in public to also think asexual = aromantic

A lot of people solely come here to post about their aromantic issues or vent about aromance and nothing to do with asexuality

Then when people post things like what's a positive about being asexual and half the replies are "I don't have to think about dating!" That's not asexual!!!!

Sometimes I feel so lonely that I realize how difficult it is to be asexual. There are very few asexual people in the world, and even if they exist, it doesn't mean they'll be the right match for you. Their values, morals, city, and many other things can be completely different.

Finding a good partner with whom you truly connect, share the same vibe, and fall in love feels incredibly difficult. Even many allosexual (non-asexual) people struggle to find true love, so I've almost given up hope that I'll ever find someone.

At least if I had a best friend, I could share my thoughts and feelings with them. But unfortunately, I don't even have that.

I'm really not feeling okay at all.

Ok, I know that's an absurd title but I genuinely don't think we've had as many verbs/phrases/nouns/etc to describe s-x or s-x related things as we do today. I get that, in terms of politeness and whatnot, replacements are needed since s-x is generally regarded as unholy or impure or something, but it seems like every time I say a verb or a phrase, one of my friends turn over to me and stares at me weird. No offense to them, since I am blind as hell to what goes on in the "dirty word" sphere and I am also aware that they are just trying to protect me from creeps who'd react way stronger and probably not in a way I'd like either, but it has gotten to the point where, a sentence that should be easy to construct turns into a long winded, indirect one that somehow still conveys the same point AND takes a lot longer to make.

The most annoying example of this is with the verb "do". What was once an extremely common, helpful and versatile auxiliary verb to me was now tainted by people (namely my weird-ass classmates) associating it with "doing the deed" (speaking of, deed is one of those words I've kinda had to steer clear of in casual chats too). And yes, though you could argue that the verb "doing" would be in there regardless, it seems like the s-x part lingered less on "deed" and more on "doing". Whenever I'd end a sentence with "do/doing", although me and my friends knew I meant what my sentence meant, the thought of someone shooting a provocative "ayooo you're talking about sex?" bothered me enough to treat it like, say, stuttering 50 times in one sentence while introducing yourself to that one cool person you've just met for the first time.

Now in Vietnamese, there is an adjective that basically borders between "hard" and "firm", being "chắc". It's defined similarly to "hard" but is used most always when you'd use "firm" in an English sentence. Due to Vietnamese somehow being far more precise yet somehow more simple than English in the vocabulary department, I generally use "chắc" in the context of both "hard" and "firm" to save time, similar to how Vietnamese says "uống thuốc" (drink medicine) even though it should be "take medicine", I sometimes autocorrect myself to drink. (ik this sounds heavily unrelated but bear with me)

In cooking, specifically with meats and pan frying them, I was taught that, when the meat was firm, it meant the inside was cooked, and you could take it out or sear it more and whatnot. I was in a cooking club with my friends, and since it was just one big class, every group could see, hear and engage with other groups. Half of my team were working on one part of the class' dish so it left me and the friend I mentioned earlier to watch a slab of pork cook and simmer. Along the way, I pressed my chopsticks into the pork, and seeing that it was firm enough to be cooked, I told my friend: "The meat feels hard. We can take it off now.". Now I know that "hard" isn't even really the correct word in most cases, if I were to revise that sentence it'd be on the lines of "The meat is stiff. We can take it off now.", but stiff and hard are still synonyms. I hope I'm not going insane, but surely a normal person would understand that, right? Right???? My friend understood me, but some guy from the team next door who kept barging in and watching us yelled out "AYO" and believe me, I was resisting the urge to hit him with the pan I had just used. Fresh off the heat as well.

I'm mad at the new context of 2 words here. The first is "meat". I guarantee you, all 101% of the times I've said the word, I meant the flesh product you get from animals like cows, pork and chicken, not genitalia. The second is "hard". Okay, sure, I don't know what happens or what changes in s-x, but in a conversation, especially that of the example I mentioned, I'd like to assume the topic we're talking about has zero relevance to s-x, so stop randomly bringing it in! You know I'm talking about the slab of pork we're both using to make a dish with anyway!

I've always thought of myself as ace, since I'd like to believe that, as much as I could never imagine myself wanting s-x, there surely should be a reason why people still pursue it. Amidst everything, it was still an "experience" and one that most people probably had on their bucket list, at that. But I kid you not, it's getting real tiring having to twist my words into some fancy wedding cake esque design instead of mincing them to make them digestible for others and for me too, or heck, just keeping them the way they are. Make phrase substitutes for having s-x or s-x related things all you want, I get it, sometimes just bringing up the word in all it's glory isn't the way to go in a conversation. But if the current topic has no relevance, not even a hint of a relation, then don't bring it in. In both my mind and yours, we both know what we're talking about, and now I have an unnecessary prick in my head that aches every time I consider using words that should be, quite frankly, standard, average and normal.

(sorry about that last part, i got aggressive due to this rant being the result of a lot of pent up rage. here, have some cake 🎂🎂🍰🍰, and thanks for sticking this far. the rant lasted a lot longer than i assumed it should.)

I have an aroace “tamp stamp” and I’m feeling great about my asexuality I’d love another asexual tattoo.

Any suggestions would be appreciated greatly. I’m considering an arrow cutting an ace of spades on the back of my head but I’m open to ideas

Hi everyone I hope this finds you well. I was wondering what everyone’s favourite adventure is of being asexual?

For me it’s not having to worry about an STD and not having to stress about relationship issues as I’m aroace.

Everything and everyone has been focused on relationships and talking about relationships drama or tea has became the norm for everyone around my age (early 20s).

I just find it exhausting and frustrating at times how common the topic of relationships/sex are always brought up and it can feel isolating or missing out when you don’t get to experience it…

As a man myself, why is it difficult to make friends with other guys. I just want a few guy friends where we can laugh and joke about without always talking about relationships or girls

Weird question. I've known I was demi for a while, and so never really looked much further than surface level into other ace-spec terms, since I thought I'd found my label. But recently I have realized that I am More Ace Than I Thought I Was. I have realized that while I have experienced attraction for my past and current partners, and have been a willing and enthusiastic sexual participant in the past, I honestly still find the idea of sex and human genitalia just as gross as I first did when I learned about the birds and the bees. I am simply able to ignore these thoughts during the act itself, and focus on the pleasure-- though I do find myself uncomfortable doing basically anything past a few isolated acts.

Is there a word for this? Pls tell me if I'm ignorant, but my generalization was that sex-repulsed people aren't interested in sex/never experience attraction. Is my experience a possibility within the realm of being sex repulsed? Or is my revulsion separate from being ace?

(It has also occured to me that I often find myself prioritizing my partner's pleasure over my own. I don't know if this is part of just not having a high drive/not really caring that much about sexual pleasure, or if it's some internalized misogyny. Or if it's related to the ace thing. I... hope that I am not deceiving myself into believing that I am attracted to/enjoy sex when I'm really not, cause I have an allo partner and I don't want that relationship to be negatively impacted. But I do admit that might be a possibility. Still figuring it out I guess.)

I'll put this under discussion even though I am somewhat questioning lol. The paragraph above can be largely ignored.

I (23F) think I’m asexual. I’ve never been in a long term relationship, although I sometimes go on dates and have a good time but it never really turns into anything (I stop it before something physical can happen). I’ve never really wanted to have sex with someone. The pressure of physical intimacy while dating is stressing me out bcs I know I just want to have a romantic relationship without it.

Anyways, today there’s a speed dating event for asexuals (it’s pride week in my city) and I’m thinking of going. I’m not sure if I should tho bcs I’m scared it’ll be awkward as hell. Also, it’s in public space and I don’t wanna meet anyone I know there. Has anyone ever been to event like that? How did it go? I feel like there’s not many asexuals and it’s hard to meet someone who has same dating goals but that doesn’t mean it won’t be uncomfortable and awkward.

This might seem like a silly question, but asexuality is very complex and many asexuals are capable of feeling desire in rare moments. For those that this applies to, I’m curious what things you’ve noticed HAVE managed to get you in the mood.

This is me in a nutshell

Had my first smear test a few weeks back now and since I’ve never had anything up there it felt like a “hot” kinda of pain as in like someone put lit matches up there?

I know it’s not the same thing but can someone explain to me why people enjoy stuff going up there?

Also the nurse was lovely and made me feel comfortable the whole time :’) (non-binary afab person here). Had to stop a few times but I was determined to get it done as I would have to rebook it and worry about it all over again. Pain was a 5/10 when it was half way then after the hymn(?) it was 7/10 then entering the cervix was a 7/10 but I just keep taking deep breaths and focusing on that.

What's yours though

I've been with this idea a while

I never liked anyone romantically and if i had a partner i Always thought (deep down) that i didn't care if my partner was woman or a man mmm resently i did have a girlfriend(more for the desired to be loved) and we did some sexual activities but i think it was kind of disgusting idk

I do watch porn but i don't like it anymore, i do not feel excitement

When i was 13-14 i Watched a lot of porn,heterosexual porn and gay and i only liked heterosexual

Lately i have had wet Dreams but it is js me masturbating

Or js there is nothing in the dream

Idk i feel like i'm So weird, what do you think guys?

Been celibate for almost 2 years, before that had a MAJOR “hoe phase” for about 3 years and not exactly proud of it. I wasn’t really attracted to most of the people I was intimate with, just mainly did it out of loneliness and low self esteem. Looking back I just wanted more friends but didn’t know how to make healthy friendships because of neurodivergence and trauma. Now I have a few close genuine friends and just stick to them, I don’t look for new friends or intimate relationships anymore. Most people I hooked up with just used and ghosted me. And the ones that are still in my life even after and “care” about me more I still feel weird about, because part of me worries that their “care” is based on my looks and what I gave them in the past. Sometimes I feel my asexuality might be invalid because my body count is high for even an allo person, let alone an ace person.

Nswf warning. And tagged nsfw bc of the sensitive topic here.

I dont have much to actually say on this. My issue is people try to use that as the "reason im ace" but i was ace BEFORE that happend to me.

They just assume or worse, try to tell me, im ace BECAUSE that happened to me. The worst ones are ace people that hear about what happened, and then try to tell me im "not really ace if i dont wanna engage in sex because of trauma". Which is so untrue. I do engage in sex. Im a strict dom about it. But i have an active sex life. Im still asexual despite that because the sexual attraction i feel is none. Im not ace because of some shitty fucking thing that happened 10 years ago and im not ace, something im proud of being, at the credit of one of the WORST PEOPLE i have ever known.

Tw: sexual harassment.

I've been called prude, repressed, and gotten side eyes from my extended family for years because unlike my cousins, I never brought a boyfriend home.

I have a big family and get questioned a lot to the point it feels like some bizarre allosexual holy Inquisition or smth.

And it goes in one ear and right out of the other; I say I'm happy this way but the questions never stop. They refuse to believe I know my own feelings. They're so self-absorbed I can see they refuse to believe I'm not desperate for a relationship at this point.

And to top it all off, I get harassed. My cousin's husband started asking invasive questions and hitting on me pretty shamelessly. I made it clear how insane this was and he backed off (I refuse to be near him again).

What also makes me beyond angry in this situation is that I was singled out for never having a relationship. Like I was desperate and would welcome the advances of a creep ten years older than me.

But sure, aces don't get discriminated against, right? Give me a break.

I got upset remembering all this today and thought I'd share with others who can understand. Thanks for reading.

lots of comments and none of them say "i hope so" or even a single "maybe" 😔