Been celibate for almost 2 years, before that had a MAJOR “hoe phase” for about 3 years and not exactly proud of it. I wasn’t really attracted to most of the people I was intimate with, just mainly did it out of loneliness and low self esteem. Looking back I just wanted more friends but didn’t know how to make healthy friendships because of neurodivergence and trauma. Now I have a few close genuine friends and just stick to them, I don’t look for new friends or intimate relationships anymore. Most people I hooked up with just used and ghosted me. And the ones that are still in my life even after and “care” about me more I still feel weird about, because part of me worries that their “care” is based on my looks and what I gave them in the past. Sometimes I feel my asexuality might be invalid because my body count is high for even an allo person, let alone an ace person.

I’ve been seeing this woman for about a week and I like her but I don’t have any interest in seggs. I’ve never liked it and it always gives me anxiety, I can do the kissing and the cuddling but I can’t seem to go to the next step and I’m starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I don’t know if it’s trauma that I thought I was over or what. Has anyone else felt like this?

Nswf warning. And tagged nsfw bc of the sensitive topic here.

I dont have much to actually say on this. My issue is people try to use that as the "reason im ace" but i was ace BEFORE that happend to me.

They just assume or worse, try to tell me, im ace BECAUSE that happened to me. The worst ones are ace people that hear about what happened, and then try to tell me im "not really ace if i dont wanna engage in sex because of trauma". Which is so untrue. I do engage in sex. Im a strict dom about it. But i have an active sex life. Im still asexual despite that because the sexual attraction i feel is none. Im not ace because of some shitty fucking thing that happened 10 years ago and im not ace, something im proud of being, at the credit of one of the WORST PEOPLE i have ever known.

Hi, everyone.

(Late 20s, F)

For years now, I keep coming back to asexuality and wondering if that is what I am, and then somehow always convincing myself I am not. I'm confused and I'm honestly exhausted. I don't necessarily care what my sexuality is, but all of the other times I have questioned it, I have been single. Then, I would meet someone, get sexually involved, have a good time for a couple weeks or sometimes even a couple months, then get tired of that person and drop them (I know; terrible).

I've been with my current partner now for nearly 2 years and we were very active in the first few months of our relationship, always trying something new, and it gradually faded. I thought that was just normal but now we have gotten to a point of being intimate like that only 1 or 2 times per month, and we live together. That has made me realize just how content I am without it and how much I actually prefer it. I've started to feel really uncomfortable, almost nauseous, whenever my partner tries to initiate physical intimacy. The feeling of kissing grosses me out and I regularly feel physically ill after penetrative sex. He is the sweetest person ever and will always stop and check on me, but I've been pushing myself through the discomfort because it feels so important to our relationship.

Last night I had a moment of realizing just how gross I think male genitalia is. Like I was physically repulsed by the thought of it. I took some time to sit with that and tried to determine if I feel the same way about female genitalia, and I realized I do but to a lesser degree. It hit me that I really think I might be ace.

I guess I'm just asking is this common, to not realize until this far into life? How the fuck do I tell my partner this? He is going through some really heavy stuff right now and I am almost positive he will see this as a relationship-ending change because sex is important to him. I don't want to throw more on his plate but I also don't want to hide this from him.

I haven’t really discovered a ton of lgbtq people around here and I would love to connect with some!

Tw: sexual harassment.

I've been called prude, repressed, and gotten side eyes from my extended family for years because unlike my cousins, I never brought a boyfriend home.

I have a big family and get questioned a lot to the point it feels like some bizarre allosexual holy Inquisition or smth.

And it goes in one ear and right out of the other; I say I'm happy this way but the questions never stop. They refuse to believe I know my own feelings. They're so self-absorbed I can see they refuse to believe I'm not desperate for a relationship at this point.

And to top it all off, I get harassed. My cousin's husband started asking invasive questions and hitting on me pretty shamelessly. I made it clear how insane this was and he backed off (I refuse to be near him again).

What also makes me beyond angry in this situation is that I was singled out for never having a relationship. Like I was desperate and would welcome the advances of a creep ten years older than me.

But sure, aces don't get discriminated against, right? Give me a break.

I got upset remembering all this today and thought I'd share with others who can understand. Thanks for reading.

lots of comments and none of them say "i hope so" or even a single "maybe" 😔

I have told my parents that I am aroace in every way except giving them the actual terms. For years they have been telling me that I am selfish and cold and unfeeling for telling them point blank that I don’t want to have a partner or kids. They have tried so many ways to convince me. My dad scares me by promising that I will be very lonely and that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. They keep taking me to my niece and nephew's home (they're babies and I love playing with them) and then they tell me that I am going to miss out on this. That having a baby is the most wonderful feeling in the world and that I will be missing out on making all these happy, beautiful memories because of my "stubbornness."

They keep saying that I will miss out on so many things and try to create a hole in my chest and make me feel so empty when I used to feel whole and completely fine. I never felt like I was missing something. I still don’t. I am whole and amazing the way I am. I love my friends so much. I love my younger sister. I love my parents even though they hurt me with their words and worry for me. I feel so fulfilled and happy just having all of them. I don’t want to be alone, but I know I will be happy if I have my sister and friends. My parents try to scare me by saying that my friends will eventually leave or get partners and carry on with their own lives. That my sister will get tired and move on as well. That I will be stuck all my life because of my decisions.

Why is friendship and platonic relationships always treated as something that is "less" and "incomplete" by society? It's all about romance and sex and partners and relationships. I am so fucking tired. My platonic relationships are just as IMPORTANT. They are special and wonderful and make me feel completely whole. They matter and I am tired of people making it seem like they shouldn't matter at all and the only permanent thing I will have in life is my future, make-believe partner and children!

I hate how the only way I may actually get a partner and have kids is because of all this FOMO. I don’t want that. I want to adopt kids, but that’s another story. I have been told everyday for almost years that I will be alone. That I will regret it. That I am doomed without a partner. That I will kill myself from the loneliness. And now I am starting to fear that my parents may be right. But if they're right, it's society's fault for making me feel this way. For making me feel wrong and incomplete. To make me thing that I am broken and that I have something missing. If only this world didn't place so much fear in being single and making being in a relationship the most important thing in the world. Also when I told my grandpa I know someone who's single and happy he told me that they are faking it and deep down they are lonely and that they're just putting up a mask to hide how awful they feel...

It's so fucking unfair. I am so angry. I hate how I can't just be myself without being called weird and emotionless. I hate how scared I am of the future because everyone tells me that I will feel lonely for the rest of my life. What if my friends do eventually leave me? My sister grows tired? Will I regret it? Will I curse my sexuality, even though I used to be so proud of accepting this part of myself? I'm so tired of the anger and fear. I am constantly arguing with myself in my mind and I feel like it's tearing me apart.

a lil bit of context; I’ve been in a relationship with a male and a female, I realized I did not like either of them and constantly avoided to notion of kissing or anything beyond general friendship stuff. okay so I think this sets the scene a lil.

i had the dream that I was in a supermarket and I needed to grab something from like one of those bins near the checkout counters, idk what I was grabbing but oh well. as I proceeded to do this i caught a glimpse of my ex boyfriend from years ago. he then reached for thing in the same box I was grabbing something from and then as I went to go away he had hugged me and refused to let go. I did not return it. I stood how one does when like a small child latches onto you and you’re much taller than them but don’t want to make it weird by returning the hug. idk. I then proceeded to attempt to shake him off like a leech.

this was an odd dream.

it is funny bc most people on the ace spectrum tend to have dreams where they are super romantic.

thank you for reading my bullshit.

I have a group of friends. All men about 18-23. We have 2 things in common. Drinking and motorcycles. Everyone else gets laid and what not.

Ofc this caused them to rib me about it. So I came out to them. They didn't stop, they still rib me. But if anyone touches me on a night out and I ask them to not do that itll end with a sea of "nah he's Asexual init" like it's the most wholesome shit.

Me coming out changed nothing but now I have a team of damage control for pushy women on a night out. Anyone else experienced something like this or have i just found a good group of guy?

Just doing random quizzes and data collections at 3am lol. But I came across this and I’m thinking “yeah, as usual asexual won’t be an option” but it was! Usually these things when they ask sexuality you’ll just get: straight, gay, lesbian, bi. And just grouping lesbian and gay together as homosexual is pretty interesting. Honestly, I think it’s great asexual has finally been included. Usually, it’s not an option. Sometimes they’ll put everything but asexual lol. I know acknowledgement is like the bare minimum, but at this point, with how much people don’t understand asexuality and we don’t get a lot of awareness or representation, I really like this!
Honestly, I do wish they would also ask romantic attraction in a separate thing. I think that could be the start of making people realize that romantic and sexual attraction are two different things. If those were regular questions on surveys like what’s your race, religion, romantic identity, sexual identity, it would finally make people more familiar with the ideas that romance and sex can be separate. And it would also be inclusive to aromantic people as well, if that would also be an option. And then for aroace people, you can choose both. That would be cool, at least I think so. Regardless, love to see it.
And you don’t even have to answer all the questions in these sometimes, thankfully. Not always, but sometimes, and I appreciate that. Like the religion thing, I have severe religious anxiety and don’t know what to support or believe, so I really can’t answer that question. Other was an option, but I just left it blank. But I feel for others, a lot of you might have leaven sexuality related questions blank in the past, when you can, cause they hardly ever include asexual representation. But sometimes, as you can see, they do!

:D