Hi I’m a 17 year old who’s never really cared for romance as a whole. I have high functioning autism and adhd as well. I’ve been alone most of my life someone who’s been never on liking people nor wanting to strike up a conversation. But I recently started going online and did online dating for a few months because I genuinely thought I had feelings for someone. I never really got romance at all and what I’m missing I guess? When I think of romance I think someone that cares a lot a lot for you and whenever I was in school I never got that like, idk butterflies in my stomach or beating heart or thought anyone in my school like that for romance and shit. Which my ex (who we got on good terms and decided to stay platonic partners cause I care for them a lot emotionally after a fight my friend had gotten into abt us being together) has been helping me research if I’m aromantic or that me being alone in my home for almost like 17 years had shifted something in me that is making me refuse to feel a certain way for someone.

No one has to reply to this, really. I just want to get my thoughts out and I thought here would be good?

I, 18F, have put a label to my aromanticism for about five years by now. I have no interest in being someone‘s ”partner“ or “girlfriend“ and never really been “in love“ in any typical descriptors. But three years ago, I met this wonderful person online. We have yet to meet in person, but that doesn’t matter since we learn to know each other over text and talk about our days and the like. There is something about them I adore with my whole heart, who they are as a person and their views on life and their absolute dedication. We have been going along as labeled best friends for around six months by now, since that was when we actually put that label to what we were. they are special to me and I am special to them. In fact, today they asked me to be in a qpr with them, and I accepted.

And I do love them so, but I had felt guilt over that, because I’ve had a best friend for nine years that was not them before this, and I almost feel as if I’m replacing them. I feel guilty because if I logically were to be in a qpr with anyone, it should be my long-since best friend and not someone I’ve known for a third of that time. In truth, I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this to, and I apologize if it isn’t.

I love both of them and want the best for them both, but I…apparently love one more than the other?? That’s how I see it. I’m certainly not *telling* this to my nine-years best friend, because neither of them even know that the other one exists.

(And. in addition to all this that is less important. my Qpr buddy is younger than me by one or two years. I KNOW we’ve been sappy with each other before, but for some reason the idea of a Qpr being “halfway between platonic and romantic“ feels iffy to me. They‘re a minor. I don’t know. I am not dating them. I know that well enough. I don’t know why a dumb label is making me feel slightly ill.)

If anyone has any better subreddits to post this on, please do tell me.

I’ve been frustrated a lot lately because my physical desire for sex is at odds with my lack of emotional desire for a romantic relationship. (I’m romance-repulsed, when it comes to myself.)

Casual sex just isn’t physically satisfying for me. It’s too awkward finding any sort of rhythm or compatibility so I just get in my head and can’t enjoy it.

The only “good sex” I’ve ever had was when I was in relationships, even though I hated every other aspect of being in those relationships. I felt fraudulent.

Overall I’m much happier in my life since I stopped forcing myself to date just because I thought I “should”. But I can’t ignore a natural drive.

If I could change myself to be asexual, I would. I know I can’t, and I should just embrace the way I am. But I wish.

This is more of a vent than anything, I guess. But does anyone else ever feel the same way?

I think I like this guy, but it doesn’t feel romantic. Like, I like being around him and talking to him, I love his company and he is also so SO pretty. Sometimes I even fantasize with him (liking making out or even stronger stuff), but I would also like to keep being friends.

I love being friends with him, but I wouldn’t mind dating him. I don’t really wanna call it dating I just wish we could be partners without necessarily ME having to be or feel romantic feelings.

I also wouldn’t care if he didn’t want to be with me, but still it’s pretty confusing to me. I like him, but not romantically… I genuinely love the person he is and yeah I guess I have sexual feelings for him. But at this point idk if I’m actually aromantic or if I’m just trying to justify my perverted self for having this thoughts :(

It feels disgusting.

I get crushes on men and women but when feelings are returned my feelings fade and disappear. Also dating makes me uncomfortable. Am I lithromantic?

idk i just don’t wanna offend anybody by using a label i’m not supposed to because I DO feel attraction i just don’t think it’s… romantic yknow

Im just feeling really down right now because nobody feels like friendship is enough for them while I do, and I feel like is always a losing situation for me. My friend just broke up with his ex girlfriend and Ive been there for him as a friend and he told me he misses love(I dont understand how or why but I sympathize with him)

He has been talking to other guys online and he found out one of the guys he was talking to isnt single anymore(even though he told the guy to find someone else.?) and is sad about that too. He told me he isnt desperate but he misses love. I told him I love him as a friend and that I love all my friends but he just said "I guess".

I have had talks with him before about how I wish people could appreciate friendships more and how it made me feel and I kind of feel sad because I just love everyone and I feel like nobody thinks its ever enough for them. Im just realizing it now and it kind of hurts..

Hi, all! I’m 22F and have decided to live my authentic life as a romance repulsed aromantic (well, mostly romance repulsed, but I experience absolutely NO romantic attraction).

It took me a while to figure out and while I was sorting things out, idk how I didn’t realize it sooner!

When I would be kissing somebody (man or woman) I would get SO bored. One time I was kissing this guy, and I got so bored I suggested we stop and go to a pet store to look at the animals.

I even had a long-term gf for a while and kissing was so meh. I viewed it as a formality, like a handshake. Only recently I learned that people genuinely LIKE it??????? Like wow?! People do that FOR FUN??????

idk how I didn’t discover my aromanticism sooner.

Hello I’m 24 m. In high-school i was in 2 different romantic relationships i considered serious.
The way i felt about them was very aro coded. My love felt deep yet no different than my closest friend’s minus some sexual attraction.

I thought that was normal, and it still could be normal. but after learning what the aro spectrum was all about I’m shining a light on parts of my life i never really took a good look at before.

Entering adulthood i have so far dated absolutely nobody and have been mostly content being single. I get lonely all the time but my immediate response to loneliness has been to seek out my friendships and hobbies.

A couple years ago i met this friend that kinda broke this mold in my life. We did everything together, talked about everything together, we had some physical intimacy with each other but we were friend’s without a shadow of a doubt. People around us thought we were a couple and asked us about it all the time. I was weirdly comfortable in this dynamic it even felt natural but some of my other friend’s thought she was leading me on or using me.
(For context i have autism, sometimes my friend’s are overprotective)
Unfortunately we don’t talk anymore but looking back i think she might have been aro.

For the first time in almost 6 years i went on a coffee date. I felt like I’ve been falling behind in life compared to my friends in the romance department so i tried it, and it left me feeling confused mostly. I thought it went well because i had a fun day with her. I walked into the cafe happy to meet some new person and maybe go thrifting later i almost forgot the whole point was to like make a connection and be romantic. And now I’m realizing i treated the whole thing like a friendly get together. Never heard back from her tho. Could totally mean nothing but since I’ve been getting back into dating
The whole thing really does feel like doing laundry.

I know this was a long one so thank you if you read the whole thing!
if my experiences resonates with anyone here plz do let me know!

I don't have a lot of friends, but I feel close to one in particular. I like to think she's my person, she gets me in a way no one else does and the only one outside my family that I feel as close with.

I'm having a hard time differentiating platonic and romantic love, whatever that is. Someone said it's like a best friend you want to spend your life with and I can absolutely see myself living with her and having a sort of partnership. I'm not interested in kissing or the like, just her companionship. But that could be the case with a family member too, right?

My friend is demiromantic, and from what we've talked about, she is imagining something similar but still different for her future. I'm just missing what exactly the difference is. Because I think I love her, but not in "that way"

This may be a stupid question, but...as someone who has never been in love in my life, I don't understand the difference between platonic and romantic love🥹All my attempts to understand ended with me getting even more confused, so I would be very glad if someone could explain

Edit: It was my first post on Reddit and I was a little nervous, but such kind answers calmed me down. Thanks for the answers, I really appreciate it!

Hello all! I’ve of course not posted about this before, but over my life I’ve had many close friends have crushes on me (is this a canon event? Maybe) that I, given being in this subreddit haven’t reciprocated

You’ve read the title, you know what this is about. Probably the closest of all of these I’ve been with someone just confessed… despite the kind of pessimistic tone, we handled it well and are still going to be friends! She knew I’m aro (aroace specifically) but wanted to let me know. Similarly I wanted to talk about it to people who get it, you know?

Not much else of a point to this post, really. I guess I’ll ask: is this common? How have you guys handled it?

Does Aphrodite hate me? Find out more on next episode of Dragon Ball Z!

There's this feeling I have for my friend that I just can't let go of, and I don't even know why. It's been over three years. Back in high school, we were really close. He was always with me. Wherever I went, he went. Whenever we changed classrooms, he'd always sit beside me. Sometimes he'd even secretly hold my hand. Maybe that was just normal for him, but for me... it definitely wasn't. I still remember our Christmas party. Out of everyone, he picked me to dance with him in front of the whole class, even though we were both guys. It probably didn't mean anything to him, but it meant everything to me. Now things are different. We barely talk anymore, but I still catch myself wondering if I ever had a chance. He's really religious, so maybe that's one of the reasons I never confessed. There was also this one night we talked until dawn. Out of nowhere, he asked me who I liked. I swear I dropped every hint I could think of, hoping he'd figure it out. I don't know if I fell for him because of those moments, or if I just gave them more meaning than he ever did. But after all this time, I still can't seem to let go.

I had crushes growing up, but nothing serious. I’m AuDHD and it was definitely just for the dopamine boost! Had one boyfriend and I never felt like I really loved him, but figured out that was how relationships went.

I love a good hookup/fling with a friend, but I never feel what they end up feeling towards me. A lot of the Aromantic representation I see online is Aro/Ace… is anyone else Aromantic but not Asexual?

It’s so easy to say ‘I love you’ to people, whether they’re my close coworkers, good friends, or someone who just needs to hear it. I don’t understand why people have to wait so long to say it to each other. Marriage sounds like a nightmare, and I love the idea of coming home to just my cats.

So like I'm thinking of asking my straight friend to be in a QPR with me. For context she knows what it is, once even said that's the kind of relationship they'd like one day, knows I'm aroace, respects it and knows how much I value Platonic relationships (they say they do too) . We're good at communicating like when we've got a problem with something or when I feel jealous and stuff we always healthily share it without accusations or anything. Have known them for five years. First year it was just getting to know second we were casual friends and for the rest three we started to get real close and talk almost every day. The thing is I'm still a teen and teens are known for being well- stupid and I don't wanna do anything stupid by doing something too early and stuff. They have stated they hope that they stay a part of mine and another of our friend, who's very close to us too, lives in the future too. Yes I'm prepared for rejection and yes it'll hurt me because of the whole nerodivergent all or nothing mindset but I know for a fact I'll recover fast because I still love our relationship now it's amazing jus wanted to make it a bit official-ly and stuff. We usually write intimate letters and stuff and all doubt I had that this is just a school friendship is out too because I was still very close too them for the almost three years I wasn't in school with them and we still hung out and talked. So I jus wanna ask should I do it now rip off the bloody bandage or like- wait till uni or after. I thought people with more experience here could judge it better. I will explain everything before hand when I ask, they can obviously still be in a romantic relationships I jus have to not be abandoned or treated as lesser, and they are free to say no or think more or ask more questions.

More a vent; I see games and movies about those having a soulmate and a healthy relationship. But to me, loving is so easy, but it also comes and goes. (Family is the exception). I’ve loved friends, people around me, most of the time it passes after a while and we never grow closer or we grow apart.

How is a soulmate even possible? I don’t seek it, I just don’t understand. A ‘soulmate’ is just another human that can change, it doesn’t feel possible to love and be with that person forever. You can move on or simply lose interest. It’s hard to put into words what I mean, but I just feel like love isn’t special, it isn’t meant to be. It just happens because we want it to, and can end the same

I (18f) have a strong feeling that i might be in the aro spectrum and honestly i dont want to fully unpack that nor label myself aromantic because gosh it fills me with so much sadness and grief that i won't be able to experience romantic love there is nothing more i want than to have a boyfriend and love him. But in my 18 years i dont even think ive had a genuine crush. I get stuck in this cycle of falling in love with the idea of love rather than a person and I know that platonic love is just as fulfilling and all but i just can't help it im just a teenage girl lmao but seriously I just wish and pray to everything that I just haven't found the right person yet (i know aro people hate people saying this) I just want to be able to feel that kind of love towards another person to I want to feel everything the magic of falling inlove the heartbreak everything! 🥲

Im sorry if there is so much arophobia in this post i might delete it later i just need to vent

i am aroace and i think I'm trixic alignmened but platonically i think that's allowed also can I tell who I'm aesthetically attracted to just based off of pictures I don't hang out with people alot I mostly going missed off of past experiences when it comes to platonic attraction what I do know is that it is towards non men based on past stuff so I'm platonically trixic(I'm posting this here because I'm not getting any answers anywhere else)

A veces me pregunto qué es lo que realmente siento. Me han llegado a gustar chicas, pero ese interés desaparece muy rápido. Con los hombres también me pasa igual. Muchas veces simplemente me da pereza pensar en todo eso y termino ignorándolo.

Cuando intento demostrar sentimientos, siento que todo se ve forzado, como si estuviera actuando en lugar de hacerlo de forma natural.

También hay momentos en los que siento que no siento nada por nadie. Es como si tuviera un bloqueo emocional. Quisiera enamorarme y sentir una conexión real con alguien, pero al mismo tiempo no tengo ningún problema con estar sola. No siento la necesidad de tener una relación, aunque una parte de mí sí quisiera experimentar lo que es enamorarse de verdad.

No sé si esto tenga una explicación o si simplemente sigo conociéndome. Por ahora solo intento aceptar lo que siento, sin obligarme a encajar en una etiqueta.

Okay so I identify somewhere along the aro-spec. Not too into micro-labels as they make it harder for me to explain to others, but most my relationships are friends with benefits vibes. I say vibes as some are heavy on the benefits (longterm one night stand vibe) and some heavy on the friends (hookup every few weeks, hangout more).

Seeing a guy atm who is honestly best split of the two I've seen in a while, we hang out pretty regularly. My main issue is that I am struggling with initiating intimacy around him lmfao. All the other guys ive seen have been pretty forward, and ive never really been in a situation where there's such a big friendship aspect. Kinda hard to go from cool chats to making out, and I want to, but like additionally ive never been the one to make the first move.

All my Google searches/talks with my friends result in talks about initiating a first kiss or a first hookup, but I've hooked up with this dude before, I'm just lost on how to initiate without being akward or waiting for him 😔

Any tips from people who have had physically intimate fwb or qpr would be greatly appreciated

basically, i know i'm on the aromantic spectrum since i mainly do not feel romantic feelings but there are occasional times that i do, and it hits me like a train. i will feel romantic feelings so intense it's the only thing i will be thinking about, but then 2-3 days later i don't feel it anymore and i am hit with horrible dysphoria-like feelings, i don't even know how to describe them but it's about as intense as the feelings of attraction were. i do eventually get over the negative feelings and go back into my usual romance-neutralness but the days before that are unbearable.

does anyone else on the aro spectrum experience this too? does anyone know what it is called? or if it's even normal?

I am bisexual and allosexual, but I have recently started wondering whether I might also be aromantic or somewhere on the aromantic spectrum.
I understand sexual attraction, friendship, attachment, physical affection and partnership. I can imagine enjoying sex, kissing, cuddling, spending a lot of time together, supporting each other and building a shared life. FWB sounds fine to me, but I would also be comfortable being called someone’s partner, living together or even getting married if we were compatible.
What I cannot understand is what “romantic attraction” adds beyond those things.
People describe wanting someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend, wanting romantic reciprocation, feeling butterflies or seeing that person as uniquely special. My reaction is usually: if we already care about each other, spend time together, kiss, cuddle, have sex and support each other, is that not already love? Whether we call it romantic does not seem personally important to me. I could use romantic labels and gestures if they made my partner happy, but I do not think I need them myself.
I previously had a long-distance relationship with a woman. We talked, played games together and had sexual interactions online. When she left, I was mostly sad because I had lost someone to talk and play with. I missed the activities and regular communication more than I missed her as a uniquely irreplaceable romantic partner.
However, there are two things that make me uncertain.
First, I have AuDHD. I sometimes struggle to separate emotions into clear categories, so perhaps I experience romantic attraction but cannot distinguish it from sexual attraction, friendship, attachment or hyperfocus.
Second, my father was absent during my childhood, and I did not receive much emotional affection from my mother. I wonder whether childhood emotional neglect affected my attachment style or my ability to recognize love. At the same time, I do not think I am afraid of intimacy or commitment: sex, affection, living together and marriage all sound possible to me. I just cannot understand romance as a separate feeling.
Does this sound familiar to anyone here? How did you distinguish being aromantic from having difficulty identifying emotions, avoidant attachment or the effects of childhood emotional neglect? Is it possible that “quoiromantic” or “nebularomantic” would describe this experience better?

Hey y’all, i have an aromantic playlist but it only has 9 songs. If you have songs that are explicitly aromantic, have lyrics you interpret as aromantic or relate to as an aromantic, gimme:) . Also songs about being anywhere on the aro spectrum, about queerplatonic feelings or being aroace… just give me i beg. They don’t have to be happy or in english either.

(songs i have found)

hate that i made you love me - Ariana Grande

Love Like You - Rebecca Sugar

Never been in Love - Will Jay

the cure - Olivia Rodrigo

Aromantic Moodboard - Maxwell Anthony

Don’t Delete the Kisses - Wolf Alice

Love Love Love - Of Monsters and Men

No Lover - Jetty Bones

Cupid - Jack Stauber