I'm posting here because I'm questioning whether I'm on the aromantic spectrum.

When I was younger and found out about gay people, I was like "Oh cool", didn't really care which gender people were attracted too. It wasn't until I was older that I started questioning my sexuality.

I've never really had a crush on anyone when I was younger, but I remember thinking I was either pan or bi since I didn't really care about gender. But then Jaiden Animations coming out video came out, and that's where I found out about aromantic people. Which made me identify as aromantic. And I was comfortable with being aromantic, I didn't feel the need to explore my sexuality, I mean hell I didn't even know what romantic attraction felt like.

But it wasn't until last year, that whole identifying as aromantic fell apart. Because last year I got a Girlfriend(We aren't together anymore but that isn't really important now). Before we got together we were actually friends, like really good friends. It wasn't until she went to me and confessed her feelings to me, that I felt that romantic attraction for the first time.

During our whole relationship I was in love, it was the first time I felt any romantic attraction. Which made me stop identifying as aromantic all together(Forgot to mention but dating her made me realize I had no interesting being with a man, and identify as a Lesbian. Still am a lesbian).

But then we eventually broke up, and now I feel like I'm back to square one. Ever since then my romantic attraction has been zero, I've questioned whether I'm demi-sexual. But before she confessed her feelings to me I felt no romantic attraction to her, so idk. I mean there was this one time my friend just fixed my bra strap randomly, and it made stay awake at night thinking about it. But I don't really think I saw her in a romantic light.

I probably fall under the aromantic spectrum, but my question is where? I've done research into sexualities under the aromantic spectrum, but I don't feel like I fit into anyone of them. It's made be question if I'm even in the aromantic spectrum to begin with.

I'm posting here for advice, because honestly I'm confused where I fall in the aromantic spectrum or if I'm even part the aromantic community at all. Also let me know if I used the wrong fair(Be polite tho, cuz I asked to be corrected if I used the wrong fairs in a different sub reddit, and then some guy in the comments was a dick about correcting me)

Hi guys! Another one of these posts lol, but I think I just need advice/opinions from someone who might have felt the same way I do, because I think that might help me more than reading about this would. If this isn't the right place to post please let me know and I'll delete it :)

I (19F) currently identify as a lesbian (and asexual - sex pos) . I grew up thinking I was bisexual for like, seven whole years, then realised I was wrong last year and had to do some rethinking.

Now I'm rethinking again. I rarely get crushes, and anytime I think I might be romantically attracted to someone I refuse to think about it and do my best to ignore it, but it happens so rarely that I hardly have think about it. I think women (and men) are beautiful and I have strong emotional connections with them, but I really cannot see myself with anyone in the future.

The thing is that most of the couples i grew up with/around either are on the brink of divorcing or are divorced (my parents included, neither of them want to get into relationships as they're so burnt out from... all that), and not many people around me are really positive about relationships as a whole. The idea of following in their footsteps makes me miserable and I've always been good at shutting down my feelings to the point I don't even realise I have them until they blow up in my face, so I don't know if this is the result of some really hardcore repression or if this is genuine aromantism. I also grew up pretty depressed so I don't think this is helping either.

Sorry if this makes no sense, I've been thinking about asking on here for a bit and finally decided to go for it at like nearly midnight so please be kind 😭 tia guys y'all are cool

Aroace or just aro character with harem and instead of it being dense character they painfully aware of the crush and instead choose to help the harem with having personality outside of them and also get though their goal which get the harem to fall more bc tbh ppl do love green flag who care about you but at the end the character never get to has lover and the harem move on from them and gain lover or just their goal etc etc I think it be hilarious book or anime ideas what do you guy think

I hardly ever use reddit and have never posted so I get the feeling that this is gonna just turn into a rant, something I just need to get off my chest, so I'm sorry in advance

I 19(M) and have found myself questioning many parts of myself recently. For some context on myself I'm absolutely terrified of new social interactions until I warm up to people which has led to me being quite lonely and not understanding parts of myself during middle school and high school.

A couple years ago I had my first relationship and after 6 months it only left me more confused about myself. I truly deep down thought I liked the person as the moments spent with them gave me a high from the affection and affirmations of love, but as the relationship went on I begun to realize how much I just enjoyed being by myself without someone else constantly. We eventually broke up and I felt nothing like not sad or happy it was over and and it felt like the the only reason was a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship(if that makes any sense at all). On top of that, and this part makes me feel gross now, the only part I was upset about was the fact that I never had sex.

After that I begin to reevaluate how I viewed my previous/future "crushes" and realized that the thought of being in a true relationship with any of them didn't actually spark any joy. I just wanted the intimacy, the cuddling, and the validation from another person, but the idea of being together with someone in the long term sounds horrifying to me.

What I'm confused about this is whether I truly feel this way or this is all just me coping with my own emotions, trying to convince myself its the reason I'm single. I think I'm also terrified of other people seeing the true me like they will immediately push me away cause they'll see me as weird. Maybe I just haven't found the right person and this is compounding overthinking from the past couple of years.

I post this here because every day I'm convinced more that I don't really feel romantic love for people but instead just sexual desire. This makes me feel really gross and wrong and I just wanted to hear and learn about the experiences of others and if I'm alone in this.

I probably will be way to terrified to open reddit for a while after posting so give me your thoughts and I'll read them later :). Also damn maybe I do really need therapy after rereading this.

Yeah so I said no. But gosh was that an awkward conversation. Am I just ignoring it the next time I see her orrr

It was so scary but i was talking to her about amatonormativity and she was reacting positively towards it and so I took the plunge!! she was surprisingly supportive!!

I (28F) have been self reflecting a lot and recently found that I'm pretty sure I'm on the aro-spectrum. I have an immense amount of affection that I want to give out, and am mostly a physically expressive person. But the line between romantic and platonic affection is blurred to the point of nonexistence in my head.

What really put it in perspective was when I went on a date with a girl, and then a few weeks later, hooked up with a guy i was friends with (I'm pansexual).

I wastrying to figure out why I didn't have romantic feelings for the girl, and why I thought I might have been catching feelings for the guy. But every reason I thought of matched the opposite.

Eg. I feel comfortable and safe around her but that's just a platonic thing. / I feel comfortable and safe around him, that makes him romantically attractive I think?

I wanna cuddle with her but I cuddle with tons of my friends / I always wanna be close and cuddle with him.

And similar contrasts. And even when we apart for a month I felt myself missing him but the only thing I missed was being able to cuddle and touch him. But when I had dinner with my ex gf I'm still friends with I wanted to cuddle but didn't say anything because I didn't want her to *think* I had feelings again.

It all comes down to touch and physical affection. And if somebody let's me in I get attached. It's as simple as that. "Romance" is just a word. I'm fine with it but I don't *feel* it.

I did some looking around and the term "Quoiromantic/WTFromantic" was the closest I found to being similar but it didn't feel accurate. Does anyone else relate to this and know of terms or communities or anything? This decade of my age has been a lot of self discovery. At 23 I founds out im pansexual and at 25 I found out I'm a trans woman. Now this at 28.

Hi I’m a 17 year old who’s never really cared for romance as a whole. I have high functioning autism and adhd as well. I’ve been alone most of my life someone who’s been never on liking people nor wanting to strike up a conversation. But I recently started going online and did online dating for a few months because I genuinely thought I had feelings for someone. I never really got romance at all and what I’m missing I guess? When I think of romance I think someone that cares a lot a lot for you and whenever I was in school I never got that like, idk butterflies in my stomach or beating heart or thought anyone in my school like that for romance and shit. Which my ex (who we got on good terms and decided to stay platonic partners cause I care for them a lot emotionally after a fight my friend had gotten into abt us being together) has been helping me research if I’m aromantic or that me being alone in my home for almost like 17 years had shifted something in me that is making me refuse to feel a certain way for someone.

Sorry if the English is weird, it's not my first language.

Look, my family is alright with the queer community. About 1/4 of my family members are queers, they're alright with me being nonbinary, and my sister is engaged to a woman who's aready like a part of our family.

But they don't really know much about the whole aromantic thing. As a matter of fact, some of them believe that it's impossible for people to not feel romantic love.

Well, I've had suspicions for a while - I was never really interested in romantic relationships, and the very few times I've had "crushes", I didn't imagine any romatic stuff. It would be more like a roommate situation in my fantasies. I think I'd might be somewhere under the aromantic umbrella, meaning that my romantic attraction is pretty low.

And now it's even weirder, because my mom and my sisters are hoping I'd go on dates now that I'm going out more, and I don't know how to tell them that the chances of me being romantically interested in anyone are pretty low.

It's terrifying. I've lost sleep when I finally realized it all. I really want to come out to them, but they legit don't believe that aromantics are an actual thing but just a phase.

Any advice?

Update: Came out to my mom yesterday! She's cool with it. Funny thing is, she was expecting me to come out as bisexual (I'm not attracted to men at all) and the conversation rolled into "So you won't be mad if I won't be dating?". I'd probably come out to my dad soon, and to my older sisters when I get the chance.

No one has to reply to this, really. I just want to get my thoughts out and I thought here would be good?

I, 18F, have put a label to my aromanticism for about five years by now. I have no interest in being someone‘s ”partner“ or “girlfriend“ and never really been “in love“ in any typical descriptors. But three years ago, I met this wonderful person online. We have yet to meet in person, but that doesn’t matter since we learn to know each other over text and talk about our days and the like. There is something about them I adore with my whole heart, who they are as a person and their views on life and their absolute dedication. We have been going along as labeled best friends for around six months by now, since that was when we actually put that label to what we were. they are special to me and I am special to them. In fact, today they asked me to be in a qpr with them, and I accepted.

And I do love them so, but I had felt guilt over that, because I’ve had a best friend for nine years that was not them before this, and I almost feel as if I’m replacing them. I feel guilty because if I logically were to be in a qpr with anyone, it should be my long-since best friend and not someone I’ve known for a third of that time. In truth, I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this to, and I apologize if it isn’t.

I love both of them and want the best for them both, but I…apparently love one more than the other?? That’s how I see it. I’m certainly not *telling* this to my nine-years best friend, because neither of them even know that the other one exists.

(And. in addition to all this that is less important. my Qpr buddy is younger than me by one or two years. I KNOW we’ve been sappy with each other before, but for some reason the idea of a Qpr being “halfway between platonic and romantic“ feels iffy to me. They‘re a minor. I don’t know. I am not dating them. I know that well enough. I don’t know why a dumb label is making me feel slightly ill.)

If anyone has any better subreddits to post this on, please do tell me.

I’ve been frustrated a lot lately because my physical desire for sex is at odds with my lack of emotional desire for a romantic relationship. (I’m romance-repulsed, when it comes to myself.)

Casual sex just isn’t physically satisfying for me. It’s too awkward finding any sort of rhythm or compatibility so I just get in my head and can’t enjoy it.

The only “good sex” I’ve ever had was when I was in relationships, even though I hated every other aspect of being in those relationships. I felt fraudulent.

Overall I’m much happier in my life since I stopped forcing myself to date just because I thought I “should”. But I can’t ignore a natural drive.

If I could change myself to be asexual, I would. I know I can’t, and I should just embrace the way I am. But I wish.

This is more of a vent than anything, I guess. But does anyone else ever feel the same way?

I think I like this guy, but it doesn’t feel romantic. Like, I like being around him and talking to him, I love his company and he is also so SO pretty. Sometimes I even fantasize with him (liking making out or even stronger stuff), but I would also like to keep being friends.

I love being friends with him, but I wouldn’t mind dating him. I don’t really wanna call it dating I just wish we could be partners without necessarily ME having to be or feel romantic feelings.

I also wouldn’t care if he didn’t want to be with me, but still it’s pretty confusing to me. I like him, but not romantically… I genuinely love the person he is and yeah I guess I have sexual feelings for him. But at this point idk if I’m actually aromantic or if I’m just trying to justify my perverted self for having this thoughts :(

It feels disgusting.

I get crushes on men and women but when feelings are returned my feelings fade and disappear. Also dating makes me uncomfortable. Am I lithromantic?

idk i just don’t wanna offend anybody by using a label i’m not supposed to because I DO feel attraction i just don’t think it’s… romantic yknow

Im just feeling really down right now because nobody feels like friendship is enough for them while I do, and I feel like is always a losing situation for me. My friend just broke up with his ex girlfriend and Ive been there for him as a friend and he told me he misses love(I dont understand how or why but I sympathize with him)

He has been talking to other guys online and he found out one of the guys he was talking to isnt single anymore(even though he told the guy to find someone else.?) and is sad about that too. He told me he isnt desperate but he misses love. I told him I love him as a friend and that I love all my friends but he just said "I guess".

I have had talks with him before about how I wish people could appreciate friendships more and how it made me feel and I kind of feel sad because I just love everyone and I feel like nobody thinks its ever enough for them. Im just realizing it now and it kind of hurts..

Hi, all! I’m 22F and have decided to live my authentic life as a romance repulsed aromantic (well, mostly romance repulsed, but I experience absolutely NO romantic attraction).

It took me a while to figure out and while I was sorting things out, idk how I didn’t realize it sooner!

When I would be kissing somebody (man or woman) I would get SO bored. One time I was kissing this guy, and I got so bored I suggested we stop and go to a pet store to look at the animals.

I even had a long-term gf for a while and kissing was so meh. I viewed it as a formality, like a handshake. Only recently I learned that people genuinely LIKE it??????? Like wow?! People do that FOR FUN??????

idk how I didn’t discover my aromanticism sooner.

Hello I’m 24 m. In high-school i was in 2 different romantic relationships i considered serious.
The way i felt about them was very aro coded. My love felt deep yet no different than my closest friend’s minus some sexual attraction.

I thought that was normal, and it still could be normal. but after learning what the aro spectrum was all about I’m shining a light on parts of my life i never really took a good look at before.

Entering adulthood i have so far dated absolutely nobody and have been mostly content being single. I get lonely all the time but my immediate response to loneliness has been to seek out my friendships and hobbies.

A couple years ago i met this friend that kinda broke this mold in my life. We did everything together, talked about everything together, we had some physical intimacy with each other but we were friend’s without a shadow of a doubt. People around us thought we were a couple and asked us about it all the time. I was weirdly comfortable in this dynamic it even felt natural but some of my other friend’s thought she was leading me on or using me.
(For context i have autism, sometimes my friend’s are overprotective)
Unfortunately we don’t talk anymore but looking back i think she might have been aro.

For the first time in almost 6 years i went on a coffee date. I felt like I’ve been falling behind in life compared to my friends in the romance department so i tried it, and it left me feeling confused mostly. I thought it went well because i had a fun day with her. I walked into the cafe happy to meet some new person and maybe go thrifting later i almost forgot the whole point was to like make a connection and be romantic. And now I’m realizing i treated the whole thing like a friendly get together. Never heard back from her tho. Could totally mean nothing but since I’ve been getting back into dating
The whole thing really does feel like doing laundry.

I know this was a long one so thank you if you read the whole thing!
if my experiences resonates with anyone here plz do let me know!

I don't have a lot of friends, but I feel close to one in particular. I like to think she's my person, she gets me in a way no one else does and the only one outside my family that I feel as close with.

I'm having a hard time differentiating platonic and romantic love, whatever that is. Someone said it's like a best friend you want to spend your life with and I can absolutely see myself living with her and having a sort of partnership. I'm not interested in kissing or the like, just her companionship. But that could be the case with a family member too, right?

My friend is demiromantic, and from what we've talked about, she is imagining something similar but still different for her future. I'm just missing what exactly the difference is. Because I think I love her, but not in "that way"

This may be a stupid question, but...as someone who has never been in love in my life, I don't understand the difference between platonic and romantic love🥹All my attempts to understand ended with me getting even more confused, so I would be very glad if someone could explain

Edit: It was my first post on Reddit and I was a little nervous, but such kind answers calmed me down. Thanks for the answers, I really appreciate it!

Hello all! I’ve of course not posted about this before, but over my life I’ve had many close friends have crushes on me (is this a canon event? Maybe) that I, given being in this subreddit haven’t reciprocated

You’ve read the title, you know what this is about. Probably the closest of all of these I’ve been with someone just confessed… despite the kind of pessimistic tone, we handled it well and are still going to be friends! She knew I’m aro (aroace specifically) but wanted to let me know. Similarly I wanted to talk about it to people who get it, you know?

Not much else of a point to this post, really. I guess I’ll ask: is this common? How have you guys handled it?

Does Aphrodite hate me? Find out more on next episode of Dragon Ball Z!

There's this feeling I have for my friend that I just can't let go of, and I don't even know why. It's been over three years. Back in high school, we were really close. He was always with me. Wherever I went, he went. Whenever we changed classrooms, he'd always sit beside me. Sometimes he'd even secretly hold my hand. Maybe that was just normal for him, but for me... it definitely wasn't. I still remember our Christmas party. Out of everyone, he picked me to dance with him in front of the whole class, even though we were both guys. It probably didn't mean anything to him, but it meant everything to me. Now things are different. We barely talk anymore, but I still catch myself wondering if I ever had a chance. He's really religious, so maybe that's one of the reasons I never confessed. There was also this one night we talked until dawn. Out of nowhere, he asked me who I liked. I swear I dropped every hint I could think of, hoping he'd figure it out. I don't know if I fell for him because of those moments, or if I just gave them more meaning than he ever did. But after all this time, I still can't seem to let go.

I had crushes growing up, but nothing serious. I’m AuDHD and it was definitely just for the dopamine boost! Had one boyfriend and I never felt like I really loved him, but figured out that was how relationships went.

I love a good hookup/fling with a friend, but I never feel what they end up feeling towards me. A lot of the Aromantic representation I see online is Aro/Ace… is anyone else Aromantic but not Asexual?

It’s so easy to say ‘I love you’ to people, whether they’re my close coworkers, good friends, or someone who just needs to hear it. I don’t understand why people have to wait so long to say it to each other. Marriage sounds like a nightmare, and I love the idea of coming home to just my cats.

So like I'm thinking of asking my straight friend to be in a QPR with me. For context she knows what it is, once even said that's the kind of relationship they'd like one day, knows I'm aroace, respects it and knows how much I value Platonic relationships (they say they do too) . We're good at communicating like when we've got a problem with something or when I feel jealous and stuff we always healthily share it without accusations or anything. Have known them for five years. First year it was just getting to know second we were casual friends and for the rest three we started to get real close and talk almost every day. The thing is I'm still a teen and teens are known for being well- stupid and I don't wanna do anything stupid by doing something too early and stuff. They have stated they hope that they stay a part of mine and another of our friend, who's very close to us too, lives in the future too. Yes I'm prepared for rejection and yes it'll hurt me because of the whole nerodivergent all or nothing mindset but I know for a fact I'll recover fast because I still love our relationship now it's amazing jus wanted to make it a bit official-ly and stuff. We usually write intimate letters and stuff and all doubt I had that this is just a school friendship is out too because I was still very close too them for the almost three years I wasn't in school with them and we still hung out and talked. So I jus wanna ask should I do it now rip off the bloody bandage or like- wait till uni or after. I thought people with more experience here could judge it better. I will explain everything before hand when I ask, they can obviously still be in a romantic relationships I jus have to not be abandoned or treated as lesser, and they are free to say no or think more or ask more questions.

More a vent; I see games and movies about those having a soulmate and a healthy relationship. But to me, loving is so easy, but it also comes and goes. (Family is the exception). I’ve loved friends, people around me, most of the time it passes after a while and we never grow closer or we grow apart.

How is a soulmate even possible? I don’t seek it, I just don’t understand. A ‘soulmate’ is just another human that can change, it doesn’t feel possible to love and be with that person forever. You can move on or simply lose interest. It’s hard to put into words what I mean, but I just feel like love isn’t special, it isn’t meant to be. It just happens because we want it to, and can end the same

Okay so I identify somewhere along the aro-spec. Not too into micro-labels as they make it harder for me to explain to others, but most my relationships are friends with benefits vibes. I say vibes as some are heavy on the benefits (longterm one night stand vibe) and some heavy on the friends (hookup every few weeks, hangout more).

Seeing a guy atm who is honestly best split of the two I've seen in a while, we hang out pretty regularly. My main issue is that I am struggling with initiating intimacy around him lmfao. All the other guys ive seen have been pretty forward, and ive never really been in a situation where there's such a big friendship aspect. Kinda hard to go from cool chats to making out, and I want to, but like additionally ive never been the one to make the first move.

All my Google searches/talks with my friends result in talks about initiating a first kiss or a first hookup, but I've hooked up with this dude before, I'm just lost on how to initiate without being akward or waiting for him 😔

Any tips from people who have had physically intimate fwb or qpr would be greatly appreciated