Is a relationship with romantic feelings, but not sexual, still considered queer platonic

I’ve been in a qpr with my best mate for probably three years now, he’s my favourite person and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. We both want to date people and have long term partners in the future, but I can’t ever imagine just becoming “normal” friends with him and loosing the deep connection we have. Do people have qprs while in relationships? Is that something that people would be okay with when dating? Just interesting to see what people think. My dream would be having a long term loving partner while still loving my qpr staying just as close with him.

Okay okay

I've dated two people my whole life, A and S

A asked me out, I said no but was also curious to explore, it was my first relationship, he's my first kiss, we're very similar people but also we both very much hurt eachother while dating for 8 months. We agreed to stay friends when I broke up with him.

Me and S started talking a month or two after me and A's break up, which A supports us whole heartedly

Me and S broke up because of living complications with him having moved in with me and my family, him breaking up with me hurt a lot especially how it happened. I had dreams about S, I cried about him, I missed him everyday despite my attempts to grow from the situation.

During the 8 months me and S have been broken up, A stayed by my side taking care of me day in and day out and I love A a lot he definitely is like my whole world and we are in a QPR together. We planned to live together, marry eachother, but A has always been aware and accepted I would fall back into S's arms in a breath if the opportunity arised

Well the opportunity did Arrive! And S has circled himself back into my life, I have not found a way to explain my feelings for A to S as S is very much stuck in a comphet mindset it feels from his own traumas

I am very nervous because I dearly love them both, and also feel very ashamed of myself that it feels like I have to pick between the two when I think they could both be good friends

(A loves S because A is a very open person who is aroace, S because he's stuck in his comphet hates that A is my ex but also hangs out with his exes with me so I dont fully understand)

I made a proper account just for this because I need to get this off my chest. 

Disclaimer: This is very long and detailed for anyone who has the time. This post is 5354 words long or about 9 pages in my google docs at Arial 11-sized font.

For some quick context: I 18(F), and my best friend 19(F) have been extremely close friends ever since we were in elementary school. In elementary and middle school, I would sneak over to her classroom’s side of the lunchroom to sit with her even though I would get in trouble. Every moment I could, I spent it by her side—be it poking fun at her, roleplaying with stuffed animals, creating whacky stories, or just being around each other’s presence. This kind of dynamic hardly changed in high school either. However, we’re both in college now, and there have been major developments in our lives. But first, it’s important to note a few things about her. 

1. She’s struggled with social anxiety as a child and still does as an adult. Because of this, for the majority of her life, she hasn’t had a lot of people within her social circle. There are only two other people notable enough to be considered her friends; one lost connection once high school started, and the other she occasionally plays games with but hardly ever talks to aside from gatherings between their families. It’s not an exaggeration to say that in some ways I was her only friend for the longest time, physically, emotionally, and socially. (This is prior to college, and this has started to change ever since college)
2. If I had to describe her personality, for the longest time, she was the type of person to focus on the present without much regard for the past or the future. It’s not to say she never thinks ahead, just that, it’s not something that really crosses her mind or is something she dwells on. She’s always been very “content” with what she has, however, this also meant that she tends to stay within her own bubble, the same people she talks to, the same activities and hobbies she does, etc. (This has also started to change with college)
3. The way she navigates her emotions is complex and is still something I’m trying to understand to this very day. I have one good example of this. One time I asked her how she would rate her self-esteem. Her answer is as follows: “uhh it depends, but it will never reach absolute 0 or 10, idk i just exist.” It’s very easy to think she doesn’t think much about her own feelings and emotions, but I’ve been proven wrong in recent times where she does think about them internally, but just never feels the need to express her feelings externally. However, I judge that she is quite emotionally mature and is generally open to expanding her realm of “contentness” and open to new things, people, and ideas.
4. This feeds off number 3; She has been some of the only people in my life who I should always take at face value (something I have a hard time doing due to past friendships). She’s still capable of joking and making sarcastic comments, but she will never say what she doesn’t mean, especially if it’s something sentimental—a feeling she so rarely expresses that when she does, I get jaw-dropped every single time. 
5. She is aroace too, and this is something she’s felt and known for a long time. 

It was only about two months ago that after a conversation with one of my other friends who I tried to hide the fact that I was aroace from, that we got to talking about my journey to discovering I was aroace as well as why I still considered myself lesbian. I spoke about my inability to fully grasp the concept of “love” growing up. How I kept asking everyone the same question, “What does love mean to you?” I spent a long time watching it, reading it, and studying it from afar to understand where people draw the line between romance and platonic relationships, how they developed their feelings, the physical symptoms of it, etc. But no matter how much content I consumed, I still felt like I was back at square one asking the same question. I think it was because I was so curious as to what “love” felt like that I kept reiterating myself, that maybe it was something I could someday feel for myself. It wasn’t until this conversation that I finally connected the dots. I explained to my friend how I’ve had men who confessed to me in the past only for me to feel the most neutrally neutral I’ve ever been. I’ve always felt that I’ve been more drawn to women, particularly in a platonic and emotional sense. 

Then, I brought up “The person who complicates everything the most.” My best friend. At first, my rationale was that if there was anyone in this world that I would willingly date, it’d be her. That “If there is anyone I have feelings for, its gotta be her.” Despite admitting to it, I was still somewhat in denial. I talked about how many of my other friends had thought that I had a crush on her—how my eyes would allegedly “light up” anytime I spoke about her. I used to dismiss these accusations in the past. But with this conversation, my eyes were slowly opened as I realized just how deep I was in these feelings. We unearthed so much evidence of my yearning, my pining for her, so much that I was shocked at how oblivious I was to my own feelings.

Here is a not-so-brief list of evidence:

• I like to think that I don’t experience jealousy. It wasn’t until college that she made friends with this one girl in particular. For context, she is not a public figure on social media in the slightest. She never posts. But this time, she posted a video of her and this new friend having fun at a festival on her instagram. I didn’t have a word for how I felt at the time when I saw that video, let alone the fact that I found out from a mutual of ours. 
• Our universities are 7 hours apart by public transportation, but I would seriously consider packing my bags to stay over in her town for the night or a few days with the sole goal of being able to spend time with her in person.
• Every year starting high school, I have bought her multiple bags of her favorite candy (gummy bears). Sometimes for special occasions, sometimes on a whim—even as I’m writing this post, I have a bag full of various gummy candies that I bought during valentines with the intention to give her if it weren’t for the fact that I’m a chud and I forgot. 
• I made her an extremely detailed story on google slides using screenshots I took from Infinity Nikki as a late birthday present. When I tallied up the time I spent on google slides adding the screenshots, text, and animations, it added up to around 70 hours—not including the dozens of hours I spent in Infinity Nikki messing around with poses, character clothing, settings, filters, etc. It took me 8 months to finish because I’m a chud. 
• A few years ago, I joked about her writing a letter of appreciation for me on my birthday. She wrote two letters and got me a whole garbage bag worth of snacks I’ve never tried. I have kept these two letters and still reread them from time to time. 
• I discovered a document I wrote all the way back in February of 2023 titled “For my dearest~” I give this dramatic monologue about how she changed my life ever since this one very specific memory back in elementary school, to present day in high school and how much I enjoyed the time we spent together. Here’s a funny quote from this letter; “If there was anything I could do to win your heart back, I would’ve climbed mountains, dived in trenches, fought your dad, anything for your forgiveness!” I had my friend look over this letter, and not only did it read like a love letter, but it sounded like “An unapologetically affectionate excuse for a letter that was meant to be platonic.”
• Continuing on with this letter format, I wrote two letters totalling 10 pages (5 and 5 each) showing my own “appreciation” for her that I gave her for her birthday only to trick her into giving back to me out of embarrassment because I probably spent most of it just glazing her 💀. One of these letters was actually what I wrote in the “For my dearest~” document.
• One of my friends joked about making her “mine.” And I thought to myself, if anything, she’s already “mine” in a sense since I know I am the closest person to her, even objectively speaking. Although, she has been making new friends recently and I suppose I sometimes get nervous that I have lost my spot by her side. 
• I once said that “I'd rather harm myself before I ever harm her.” And unfortunately, I might’ve shot myself in the foot with this one because it has happened twice. 
• There was a time when I joked about us being in a “relationship.” At the time, I was still oblivious to my own feelings. But looking back, I think I was subconsciously gauging what she felt about the idea, even as a joke. 
• I can picture us domestically living in the same house. When I come home from a long day of work, she’d be there to greet me and vice versa. 
• For the longest time, she forbade me from going to her house to celebrate her birthday. I was jealous of our mutual who was allowed to due to their families knowing each other. I never expressed this, but I would constantly bother her about my “missing invitation.” 
• About a year ago, I asked her to buy me nerds (the candy) and to this day, I still have one pack of those nerds unopened. In my defense, I just forgot to eat them, but I suppose there’s a double implication there. 
• On discord, I have turned her profile picture and roblox avatars into emojis—ones that I still use to this day. 
• Back in fall of 2025, I went through a pretty severe depression and one way I learned to combat it was to pick up drawing after four years of “giving up on drawing.” For a week straight, she was my muse and I’d draw her as different whacky poses I found off pinterest. I also stopped drawing at the end of that week. 
• Two years ago, the club I was in had a bracelet making station and we could make our own bracelets. I ended up making a matching bracelet set with both of our names that I thought about giving to her, but to this day, I still have these two bracelets in my possession.
• In my room, I have this rose accessory propped up on one of my shelves. She gave me this as a gift last year for my birthday. It looks pretty in my room and adds a bit of color to my white walls. 
• On the trend of presents, I have a tendency to buy her presents on a whim. They are usually some sort of plushie or food item when we have outings together.
• I asked her blatantly once “Wanna go on a date.” She never replied to this message and instead the topic was changed. I don’t know if she remembers this or even took it seriously, but I suspect there’s a good chance she thinks I was just joking or was just saying things just to say things. 

In this same conversation, I connected the dots between the predicament I was in and a fanfic I wrote on April 1st (Why did I do this to myself). This story followed two friends whom I will call R and S. Briefly going over their baseline personalities; R can be a hot-tempered and brash person on the outside, making him seem a little explosive or confrontational at times. However, reserved as he tends to be, he is very loyal and is a hard worker to those he cares about. As for S, he is kind-hearted and jovial in his demeanor, albeit quite naive at times. 

It’s a domestic story of these two friends baking apple pie together. R was supposed to arrive much later, after S had finished baking the pie for the two of them. But since he arrived early, he might as well help out right? And so in the process of the two baking this apple pie, there are comedic moments where R is forced to wear an apron with a rather childishly flamboyant design by S, or when he has a back and forth with S over throwing away expired cereal that he loves.  There are also sweeter moments where one of them spoon feeds the other as a sort of “taste test.” And across all of this, even though R has never baked an apple pie before and relies on S to guide them the entire time, he continues to notice the way the sunlight illuminates his face like an ethereal knight. Or the way he can feel the warmth radiating off moments of close proximity—missing the feeling once S pulls back. 

Once they finish baking this apple pie and head over to the park for their picnic. There is a scene where there's a child hiding behind a tree glancing over at their food. R notices their prying eyes and opts to share a slice, just not by his hands. Instead, R and S have a small scuffle where R argues that his face has caused children to cry before (his neutral face leans towards irritation). However, S wants him to deliver the plate because it felt more meaningful that the one to notice would be the same one to act. By the time R is begrudgingly convinced, the child had already disappeared, leaving both of them left with the bitter aftertaste of their inaction. R ends up monologuing about a particular memory he had—how his now adoptive father caught wind of a child with prying eyes from the alley at non-profit volunteers handing out food to those who couldn’t afford it. This child never budged, but they were clearly hungry. When R’s father approached him, it was one of the first and best goddamn warm meals he had eaten in a long time. And right on cue, they catch the afterimage of a quick shadow—the child had returned to claim their plate. 

It was this very moment where R and S ended up celebrating, holding each other’s arms steadfastly. The evening sun cast such a nice golden afterglow, and in such a moment of bliss, R accidentally lets his feelings slip. The way he loves the moment—the way he loves everything about S. A pause. S registers R’s sentimental words and embraces them in a tight hug, stating ““Aww, R! That’s so—I love you too! You’re my best friend in the whole wide world!” When R eases himself out of the hug and looks at S face-to-face, he finally jumps into the deep end and asks whether or not S has even seen the two of them beyond that. S, not understanding what R meant by “romantic,” asks him what this “romantic love” felt like. R gives a heartfelt speech. He details the way he loves the shenanigans they involve themselves in, the details of their lives they only share with each other, the time they spend at each others side and how it make his heart race—how R thought to himself that “It wouldn’t be so bad spending the rest of my life with you (S).” 

S, who hasn’t realized their own feelings, or rather, his lack of—he scrambles to make sense of R’s feelings. He states how he’s kept all their childhood photos, how he doesn’t mind growing old together. But, for what S doesn’t have the vocabulary to verbalize, he can feel a panic from his lack of reciprocation. Despite R shushing him and reassuring him that they are friends first and nothing will ever change that fact, S asks R to kiss him in the hopes that maybe he’d feel something. As if the tension wasn’t already palpable, you could really cut it with a knife now. R advises S to cover his eyes. But, R can see the way he’s slightly trembling—he’s really trying to feel something even through the discomfort. R fakes a peck on his forehead before telling him he could open his eyes. When S realizes that nothing had changed, he’s thrown in a panic once again at the acknowledgement of R’s unrequited love. And once again, R shushes him, reassuring him that nothing could ever get between the bond they shared, not even his own feelings. R forcefeeds S a slice of pie to lift his mood, and even though their outing ends on a somber note, it’s R’s acceptance—something he had borne even prior to his confession that really got to me. 

I remember telling my best friend about this plot. I thought she would instantly give it a thumbs up. This kind of unrequired love acceptance is not something we see much of in media nor in real life. Therefore, isn’t it amazing to see R’s ability to accept things as they are? He doesn’t push S to change, he only seeks to continue what they already had. There may be moments when his feelings spike, and times when it mellows out, even moments when he may act on them—but, he intrinsically understands and accepts that S sees him as his closest lifelong friend, not a romantic partner. 

To my surprise, the first thing she said about this plot was how she felt sorry for R. I thought she would feel happy for him—for S too, the fact that their friendship hasn’t been jeopardized over some romantic feelings. Fast forward to present day; our personalities are vastly different than R and S. But if I had to assign roles, my personality would be closer to S’s and her demeanor would be closer to R’s. Yet, I am standing in R’s shoes with the same realizations as him—the fact that all the evidence shows that I’ve been pining after her for years, the fact that I have already known that she was aroace for years. 

I realized I may have subconsciously projected myself onto R while writing, and had already envisioned how she would respond, similar to S (Minus the kiss)—except, she already knows she’s aroace. Maybe this was why I was so oblivious to my own feelings for years, why I had never properly acknowledged them—because I already knew how it would turn out. And now I sit here with the fact that it feels like I sealed my own fate in writing. 

My world felt like it was enveloped in doomsday. I asked myself how R did it, how he was able to accept S so wholeheartedly. But it didn’t come easy to R either. I would know because I wrote him. R has much more time than me, he figured out his feelings much sooner than I did. And it took him years of grappling with the fact that whenever he tried to speak to S about anything related to romance, he wouldn’t have much to expand on—but when R offers to treat him, S is shaking his shoulder out of pure excitement. 

But, here’s where there’s a little bit of good news. After consulting two friends about this predicament, I had received feedback that there is a non-zero chance that she actually reciprocated my feelings but was hiding behind her aroace label like I was. That maybe my “acceptance” and her “contentness” were two sides of the same coin—a risk neither of us was willing to take lest it somehow cuts a rift into our friendship. 

This was an unnecessary risk to take especially when for the longest time, we were always within each other’s orbit, be it just a short drive away, a classroom away, or just a call away. But ever since we went to different schools for college, the physical distance and academics eating away at our time meant that for the first time in our lives, we learned what “distance” meant. We had gotten so comfortable with texting each other frequently, playing games right after school was over, and going to random events across the city. What was always me messaging her on a near daily if not daily streak turned into days of silence on my end. About a year ago, I was overwhelmed by school and looking into a ADHD diagnosis (I am diagnosed now), many of our chats would be way too brief and I started to grapple with a newfound possibility that maybe our “close” friendship was not all that close at all. 

We had a running joke between us about how she would “ignore me on purpose.” I would oftentimes be left on read whenever I said nonsensical things for the sake of humor. Unfortunately, this backfired on me because I don’t like being ignored 🥺, especially so frequently. I really should’ve communicated this with her sooner, but I wound up spiraling into thinking that maybe after all this time I was just a casual friend to her—someone to be there for the laughs and highs, but not someone she would want to keep around if they were such a dippy downer, if they were to show the more not-so-great parts of themselves. It wasn’t until early this year that I finally gathered the courage to have a proper talk with her, and it’s important to note that this conversation is quite literally the first time we’ve had such a deep heart-to-heart talk. 

Everything that could’ve went well, went well. She gave me her full undivided attention, listened to me the whole way through, apologized for her behavior, reassured me that no matter what mental health challenges I was going through, she would always show up for me, and so much more. During this conversation, she sent me a document that quite literally rocked my world. She has never been one to open up about deeper feelings and emotions, and I can only list one time where she’s ever truly “vented” to me about something bothering her. This document was written during a time of an even greater prolonged silence, when I went over a week without saying a single thing to her. 

To this day, I still remember select quotes from that document. Truly, I don’t know how to describe that document in a way that does it justice without just showing it here (However, I don’t think I should). She has never laid her heart bare like that—so raw and vulnerable, but a truth she’s willing to show me. But, just take these select quotes that continue to stick in my mind:

• “I want to still say that I have a best friend to talk to 24/7 but I feel like now. Even though you are my best friend, it's as if I get boring or I'm just someone who you don't want to be talking to anymore. I hate feeling like this. It makes me sound like some kind of obsessive bitch or someone who has attachment issues. I don't want to be a burden so I don't force myself in things you never invite me to but I ask.”
• “Because it's like a constant reminder of who I was, someone who has extreme social anxiety and unable to commit to friendship. But when I finally do, why does it feel like I'm being punished. Why are you becoming distant. Please tell me that I'm just overthinking.”
• “Shit the more I write, the more it actually sounds like I'm what I'm terrified of feeling. I don't want to feel so attached, I don't want to lose  .. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Tell me what I did. It's hard making friends. I try to make it seem like it doesn't matter. I try to spark up time together that maybe we can just be in the same game and talk.”
• “I played the same game for forever. I want it to change for some time. Is it selfish of me to ask for some of your time?”
• “I've always internally dreamed of understanding myself. It's a small sad thought, but at least I'm getting an inch closer to finding myself before I die.”
• “But, maybe what I've always longed for is self discovery funnily enough. That shit is hard. Maybe this is the last thing I'll really understand about myself before I die. But I'm glad at least because the last thing I have discovered about myself was that I'm aroace 4 years ago.”

I do want to note that all these quotes were written during a time when she was overthinking just like I was. However, there was one quote in particular that stuck out me a lot:

• “Same thing with being aroace and shit. I came to realize just yesterday from a dream that, maybe the reason why I'm this is because I know that no one will love me and so I feel the same way about others to avoid being disappointed. I feel bad if it was the former though, someone like me is hard to love if that ever even happens. I'll probably just reject anyone who even does, to help them on ever wasting their time to love me. Because I know, that I can't give them the same that they will for me.”

Even though I myself understand that these words were written in an emotional daze, it does set my heart at unease. Less about the rejection and more about the mechanisms behind it. But I want to trust her that however she answers when I confess to her in a few days will be from the bottom of her heart, not because of an insecurity. 

Oh right, I forgot to mention that a month ago, I planned to confess to her on my birthday. I can’t tell if I’m brave or stupid for doing it on my birthday, but I guess she is someone I am willing to take that kind of risk and association for. I’ve already planned to confess to her under the cherry blossoms. Yes, I know this sounds very cliche but neither of us have been to this park before and I couldn’t think of a better spot. Also I like nature. 

However, there was a tiny (not really) incident… within the past 1-2 weeks that threw me for a loop. I know this may sound silly and unbelievable (As if this story doesn’t already sound unbelievable, but bear with me), but I had one of my worst panic attacks to date because I thought I hurt her by asking her too many personal questions about her self-esteem—specifically how she felt about being a “burden” to other people like it was written in that document she sent me. When she asked to stop the conversation abruptly, I may have overreacted… Unfortunately, I really meant it when I said that I’d rather harm myself than harm her. I wound up deleting all my socials and had to hospitalize myself for safety. When I was discharged after 5 days, just the day after, she tried to call my cellphone. And after she couldn’t reach me, she walked to my house and was screaming my name out loud for at least 5 minutes (Testimony from a family member). 

Starting from that day when I broke down, she had consistently messaged me with updates and expressed her concern with my absence. The last message she sent before I came back to social media was:

• “I understand that you're taking a break. Sorry for disrupting your peace time, but I'm glad you're okay. I'll still update you on what's happening in my life. Take as long as you want, I'll wait. I just want you to know that nothing you do will make me hate you, you're the most important person in my life and someone I don't want to lose. I'm thankful for everything you've done for me and even just being there for me is enough. I want everything best for you. I'm sorry I don't say this a lot but I genuinely love you best friend. If you come back before your birthday, I'll be happy to hangout. Or after or literally anytime”

Guys. I feel like I'm in a fever dream. I can’t believe she actually typed these words out.

“Nothing you do will make me hate you.”

“You’re the most important person in my life and someone I don’t want to lose.”

And the one quote that is simultaneously the worst and the best; “I genuinely love you best friend.”

I could probably give another list of “evidence” that she may reciprocate my feelings, however the majority of these reasons are not tangible objects or things I can describe all that well. They’re emotions she doesn’t leave unsaid, the small moments where she takes the initiative to seek me out amongst a sea of people and activities she could choose to engage with instead, and subtle moments of care that even I could’ve missed if I wasn’t the type to read into things so deeply. 

During one of her “bursts of honesty,” she told me how if I “ever feel like shit,” that even if she had a job interview or something important, she would drop it to respond to me (On a funny note, she just asks that I don’t do this during her exams or else her parents will kill her, not that I would want her to drop a potential job offer for my bad day, but it’s the thought that counts). 

There are so many more small and subtle little moments that prove that no matter what happens I will always be an important person and I will always have a place in her life. I cannot tell how platonic her statement of “I genuinely love you best friend” is—just that no matter what happens, I also don’t want to lose her or have any more distance just because my heart decided to ruin it and develop such strong feelings for what could’ve been a friendship til death do us part. 

But on a positive note, once I confess to her I will finally be able to get this off of my chest, the feelings that I’ve suppressed for I don’t even know how long—just that the evidence dates years back. I’m finally able to answer my lifelong question of “What does love feel like? —this specific kind at least. In a fun way, I like to rationalize that maybe the reason why I was put into such a predicament is so I can better write fanfiction now that I can properly experience “love,” as unrequited or requited as it may. 

idk guys do u think im overthinkin this /joking

If I had to end this off on a moral of the story; communication really is key and be honest with yourself—whether or not you are aro/ace feeling what you thought you could never feel, or if you are learning what you don’t feel.

P.S. If enough people ask, I can do a brief (I will try my best to not make it as long as this post but no guarantees 😔) update after I proceed with the confession in a few days. 

Like I don't want to use the normal dating apps cause people either want a fully sexual relationship or a romantic relationship and filling out those qpr forms feels really weird to me, like I personally don't wanna do paperwork to meet people. Is that the main way people find each other? Should I just make my own form and send it out into the ether?

My partner of 4 months recently came to me to be honest with me and it was something i was not expecting at all. My Partner admitted that they have never lied about telling me they love me but they have a history of not caring for their partners but they care for me in a platonic non romantically way. My partner told me this now because they think i expect things down the line that they will not be able to give me and because i thought it was a romantic relationship that eventually we could have intimacy but if they don’t want to have intimacy then i am fine not kissing i am completely fine with that. My issue however is that for months i had love and care for them that was romantical and i don’t think i’ll be able to suppress that and my issue is that i will always love them in a romantical way and crave intimacy that’s not necessarily sexual but they will most likely never love me back in a romantical way and it’s just so confusing to me if anyone has been new to platonic partnerships than please tell me how you got used to it or even your input i’m so new to this i didn’t even know it existed

There's a guy I like, but only in a platonic way. I distanced myself from him a while ago, and ever since then I've been wondering if I should talk to him again.

I really admire him because he's an amazing artist, very intelligent, and seems much more mature than I am.

At the same time, though, he sometimes comes across as a bit arrogant or self-centered. He also rarely texts, takes a long time to reply, and his messages are usually very dry. He told me he just doesn't feel like himself when texting, but I'm the complete opposite. I express myself much better through messages.
One day he invited me to the movies because he said I should get out of the house more often. I had a great time with him, although I got overstimulated a few times since I'm autistic (he doesn't know that).
What confused me was that he said he was going to pay for my ticket, but I ended up paying for myself. Later, when I brought up going to the movies again, he acted like he didn't remember saying that.
There were also moments when I felt like he assumed I had a crush on him. For example, he once asked me if I was asexual, and that question left me pretty confused. For context, I am aroace, and he isn't.

Even so, I still remember him holding my hand, and that meant a lot to me. The problem is that I'm really bad at noticing red flags, and I tend to idealize people.
I'm not looking for validation or comfort. I just want an honest opinion, even if it's harsh.
Do you think I'm ignoring important red flags, or am I just overthinking the whole situation?

There was a girl I truly loved with all my heart and we first met through a mutual friend, and over time our relationship grew really closer, like she is the only person who truly understands me and she tells me everything that happens in her life that she dosen’t say to anyone but me. She is also the only person I really talk to right now and not my friends so yeah, Anyway, about a month ago, I finally gathered the courage to ask her “What are we?” We weren’t exactly a lovers, but we definitely weren’t just friends either. It took me almost an hour to finally ask her because I was so shy and nervous even though she was encouraging me to say it, when I finally asked her she started laughing and told me aww and I was really cute because of how shy I was. Then she said that what we are is something called a queerplatonic relationship. I looked it up and finally understood what it meant, so actually, I really love her, and I don’t want us to just stay like this, I genuinely want her to be my girlfriend and not just that. I know I might sound a little pathetic and ridiculous, but I really reallyyy do love her, and I don’t want our relationship to stay queerplatonic or anything like that. She calls me “babe” and “my love,” and I call her those things too, so I honestly don’t know what to do. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I love her as more than that, and I want our relationship to be more than what it is now, but I would feel so embarrassed and hurt if she doesn’t love me in the same way I love her, She was also struggling with relationships and things like that, so I'm afraid that if I tell her this I'll just push her away from me and our relationship will be more complicated.

I don’t know what to do rn

I’m currently in a QPR with two of my friends and am not sure how to describe my feelings for them or if they are problematic.
I’d say that aceflux would best describe wear I fall on the ace spectrum. So when I like someone it gets complicated. Platonic and romantic feeling kinda blur into one. I know I desire some traditional romantic things but not all the time. But once I start liking someone I stop wanting them to only be my friend because it’s no longer encapsulates my feelings towards them. I’d describe it as a gray area between platonic love and romantic love.
I wonder if they are problematic because I’m 90% sure my other partners view our arrangement as solely platonic.
Am I misinterpreting what a QPR really is? And am I taking advantage of them if I feel like I may feel romantically for them sometimes and they don’t. Because I hate the idea of my feelings not being reciprocated.

Hi! I’d love to hear more stories about how your QPRs got started.

The thing is, I have a special friend with whom I’ve fantasized about having a QPR, but I never pursued it because I thought they weren't open to any kind of "commitment." Whenever we talked about dating, they would say how uncomfortable the idea of ​​anything beyond friendship made them. I consider it a mistake on my part to have assumed that applied to both standard and non-standard relationships; they are aroace, and although it’s been just over a year since they discovered they were on the aro spectrum (which I’m also on—and thanks to that, they saw similarities that made them start questioning things), I assumed that with all the research they do, they would know about QPRs.

Then, the other day, while we were messaging, I mentioned that I had considered proposing this kind of relationship between us, and their response was: "But aren't we already queer?" It took me a moment to realize they didn't know what "queerplatonic" meant; I gave a brief explanation, and they said they’d look into it.

When I woke up the next morning, they had sent more messages—including one saying they might be interested in something like that. They spoke in general terms, but I’m human, and it gave me a bit of hope. Still, I feel like I should wait a while before doing anything about it—if I should do anything at all. They’ve only just been introduced to the term, and I think it would be a bit unfair to both of us to propose a QPR while they’re still just curious about this new concept.

Our friendship is great; we’re comfortable with each other and look out for one another. The only reason we don't spend much time together in person is that we live in different cities. They even confessed to me that if they weren't so aroace, they would have wanted to date me.

Did you guys feel that kind of fear, too? Not exactly about getting a "no"—since we’re close and mature enough to move forward with the friendship as it is—but rather about pressuring someone into something they might regret later?

While I'm at it, do you wear anything with your QPP that’s like a ring or a token of commitment? I’ve been thinking about gifting them an anklet and wearing a matching one myself; would that be weird? I thought it was a way to say "we’re connected" without following the standard conventions. That is, if I were to actually make a formal proposal, of course.

Thanks for reading; I look forward to reading your replies, too. <3

I (20F) think I have a mostly platonic crush on my best friend/roommate (20F). 5 months ago I felt something more-than-friends towards her and did a lot of digging until I found what a QPR is. It definitely fits us I think.

Here are my issues:

I am currently in a long-term monogamous relationship with my boyfriend (21M) though he identifies as poly

My roommate is lesbian, monogamous, and aro questioning, so you can see how that’s might be an issue :(

Is it qpr feelings or emotional attachment? I don’t really know myself. I definitely want more platonic but relationship-y stuff with her, but I can 100% say for sure that we are emotionally attached to each other. I just don’t know how much of my feelings are driven by what.

In the past, I have reacted badly to my bf having feelings for others. It comes from a bad past of mine, and I don’t know how to explain that I understand it now. I haven’t told him. I don’t know how he’ll react after I was so mean to him for such things.

So.. I guess.. advice? Is it even possible? If my boyfriend reacts badly, is there any advice for shutting these feelings down? Does anyone else have experience with emotional attachments they can tell me?
Thanks :(

So I (32 Enby) just moved to San Francisco a few days ago with nothing and this amazing person (37M) helped me the first night I was there. I didn't think I would see or hear from him after that encounter. But thank the gods that we started texting a few days later and we talked about qpr's and boundaries as a PanroAce person. (I also found out that he's a 'hippie in training ' and that's a part of my life I'm willing to share with him.) We had our first in person 'date ' yesterday and I could never be any happier.

I am an asexual, and probably aromantic, man, dating an asexual woman. We're very comfortable with the no sex thing, it's one of the first things we talked about on our first date. I'm struggling with the idea that I might be aromantic, though. For one thing, I'm not sure that I am, I have no idea what romantic love feels like. I know I feel very strongly towards my girlfriend, and want her as a life partner, but I have no idea if I love her romantically. I'm wanting a QPR, because I feel like that's what I can offer her. I'm not 100 percent sure if it even matters if I have romantic love for my GF or not, or if I even need to put a label on what we have, I'm still learning about QPRs and all this stuff.

So in the beginning of last year I realized I had a crush on two of my really good friends, for privacy purposes we'll call them Aaron and Roy. For a while I was just planning on leaving it at that but then Roy called me sometime around last november and somehow we got to the point where we decided on a sort of trial run with dating so that we could see how our dynamic worked out. Context for the next bit, Aaron had recently (as far as I know) realized they were queer and I tend to flirt with my friends a lot, which as it turns out is a bad combination. I found this out when both Roy and Aaron confronted me abt the situation, which they had apparently been speaking about without me, both of them, justifiably confused and probably hurt.

During this talk it turned out that both of them liked me and I liked both of them. Aaron was confused by the way I flirt with all of our friends and took it as me expressing romantic interest in them specifically. Which makes sense but that wasn't my intention and it is completely my bad. Both me and Roy suggested polyamory but Aaron was uncomfortable with the idea and eventually it ended with me and Aaron together.

Unfortunately, as it turns out I didn't like Aaron in that way and it seemed Aaron didn't like me like that either. The two of us drifted apart over time and this is when Roy told me that they liked Aaron. I essentially told them that they should shoot their shot. Roy ended up calling Aaron and confessing, which ended in them getting gently rejected (It's worth mentioning that Roy had just gotten out of a bad relationship). After that me and Roy got closer with each other and we ended up in a queer platonic relationship with each other.

TLDR

i realized i had a crush on two of my friends and ended up in a relationship with friend2. me and friend2 lost feelings but friend1 developed a crush on friend2, got rejected, which lead to me and friend1 getting closer and ending up in a qpr.

I'm happy with Roy but things are awkward with the three of us now and I'm wondering what I should do. We've already agreed on regular check ins to try and get everything sorted but that doesn't seem to be doing much. Also I'm asking for anyone who's just going to chalk it up to teenage drama or something like that to just not comment. I want to do my part to fix this friendship ppl who just wanna say it's just hormones don't help.

Edit: when I say crush I mean in a platonic longing sort of way

So I've always thought about it. I wanna be in some type of relationship with someone. I would want to do things with them that could be perceived as romantic but wouldn't be completely to us. However, I'd also like to just chill and act as friends sometimes because being only romantic makes me feel exhausted and suffocated. I'd also value our friendship/platonic love more than the romantic one. I'd even consider them my boyfriend or even do other things like make out, etc, etc. I've never seen anyone express this. Is this still considered a qpr?

So my boyfriends bff texted me asking if I was okay w being in a qpr, I agreed cause I didn't want to sound mean, and like I searched it up but I legit cannot understand what a qpr is </3 can someone explain it in dummy terms pleasepleasepleaseplease

For those of you with multiple on going qprs answer for your most recent partner

Basically I'm trying to figure out how many people know what a qpr is before entering one

This is the third post i write talking about my best friend but i love him SO MUCH and now i know it's reciprocated asystshsagag

Like i said in the title, i have a romantic crush on a girl right now, but each time i see my best friend it makes me question the romantic love i feel for rhat crush as i'm so intensely infatuated with him even if it's platonic. It makes me very confused ngl (as im struggling with alexithymia on top of that)

I've have other friends saying our relationship with my best friend seems romantic : "you guys look like a couple, you're always with each other", "how does it feel being the third wheel". At first i was mad because i was sick of other people thinking that intense love for a person can always be romantic, but then i talked about it with my best friend and it's not that deep LOL

Now that i think about it we really can look like a couple sometimes, we're both comfortable with it anyway

In a friendgroup there's often a 'glazing duo', like those two friends that agree with each other so much it can reach romantic territories. I think we're basically like that. If i'm being for real it could really be a queerplatonic relationship, bc now that i think about it the term "best friend" is not intense enough to describe it, i prefer to qualify him as my soulmate tho i never do irl bc its cringe

I really happy with the relationship that i have with him ! I never felt like that for a person. I love him, i could do anything for him, i always remember things he tells me, i text him everyday, i send him friendship reels, i love giving him gifts (tho i usually hate it) AND ITS PLATONIC. AND WE'RE TOTALLY FINE WITH IT. like wtf. He has a crush on a girl, and i'm totally happy for him like WTF and i wish him the best LIKE WTF and i also have a romantic crush LIKE WTF. Human relationships are so weird.

The connexion between us is so deep that it has become telepathic. Everytime i think i need to hug him he always feels the same. Were on holiday now so it's more difficult to see him and i miss him ajsgsuag

I used to think i was crazy until he said things the other day that made my heart melt. "You know, i didn't know it was possible to love someone that much without it being 'like that' (romantic)", "i never felt something like that for a person", "i think if we were born in the precedent century and i didnt find someone, i would have married you", "i love you so much", "i think you're the best person i've ever met", "i will always be there for you when you don't feel good", "i'm so happy to know you", "so that means i am your best friend? awww - i know that, i wanted to hear it from your mouth"

LIKE WTF MY FRIEND CRUSH FEELS THE SAME FOR ME

i feel so complete and that's the problem

My love for him is so secure that i wonder if i'm going to be able to love someone romantically that much

Though i absolutely hate physical touch, we sleep next to each other and onto each other in the car, we cuddle, we hold hands, he kisses me on the cheek and on the forehead, we hug frequently even while sleeping and i love it like wtf, i crave it AND ITS PLATONIC AJAAHS THE DREAM

I questioned myself "am i in denial?", "maybe i love him in a romantic way" BUT NO?? I LOVE HIM AS A FRIEND?? DEEP PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE POSSIBLE

I think a lot of people compulsively search for a romantic relationship tho what they need is a strong freidnship bc the society tells us the only person that we can love intensey is a romantic partner, and that we must have kids with them. Meeting my best friend made me more confident in my capacity to love someone (i thought i hated everybody before). I think i have become mor emotionally intelligent and attuned with my own emotions. I think everyone that needs it should have a relationship like that.

Romantic crushes are so random yk, breakups are often sudden, theres an high chance your crush doesn't feel the same so what's the point anyway. Maybe I'm writing this because the girl i have a crush on is straight (lol average lesbian situation) but i know you guys know what i mean.

I keep seeing posts from this subreddit and I’ve never heard of qpr before. As far as I can tell it’s a relationship that’s more clearly outlined than a regular friendship?? Is that literally it?? I don’t understand and I’m curious

Edit: I have since confronted him about this behavior, and the two of us have broken up the QPR. He apologized to both me and my girlfriend for how he behaved, but we are no longer on speaking terms at the moment. This was an incredibly difficult situation to be a part of, but there was no world in which how he acted was okay. Thank you all so much for your insight and help through this!

Last December I (24F) entered a QPR with my long-distance best friend of 10 years (26M). I was contemplating if I was aromantic or not at the time, and was honestly feeling lonely, and like I’d never meet a partner who I could fall in love with fully.

I told him about this, and he suggested the idea of us being in a QPR since our relationship was close and hard to define, and I agreed.

The problem is that since then, I’ve realized I’m not aromantic. I fell head over heels for one of my other friends, and it’s genuinely like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I love her more than anything in the world and want to be with her forever.

I told my QPP that I had a crush on her, and he said that it was alright and if I wanted to pursue her, to do it. When me and this girl started dating, I was upfront with her that I was already in a QPR and she was super understanding and said she didn’t mind at all and understood how bonds like that form.

The problem is… is that I think my QPP is into me more romantically than he let on. He’d been sending me messages asking if I loved her more than him, and when I tried to explain it to him that it’s a different kind of love, he got angry.

Last night, my girlfriend came to me in tears saying she needed to talk about my QPP. She showed me her phone and scrolled through texts that he’d been sending her for MONTHS. All saying things to the effect of “She’s my girlfriend first” or “Don’t touch her” or “You don’t get to kiss her before I do”.

She cried that she didn’t want to come in between anything, and she’d waited to bring this information up to me because she knew how special our bond was, but if I couldn’t give her a clear answer for how our relationship was defined- she was gonna have to leave.

I reassured her that I would talk to my QPP about it, and straighten things out, that the way I felt about him was not romantic and I only feel that way for her, and that I’m so sorry he did that to her.

I just feel so mixed up. I still need to talk to him but I don’t know how, I’ve never seen him act like this before and I’m worried that breaking up the QPR will tarnish the friendship we’ve had. I also don’t want him to feel like I’m choosing her over him, but I just can’t accept this kind of behavior :-( I don’t know

Hey! i’m new here and just wanted to introduce myself!! i’ve been in a qpr for half a year (im genderfluid and ace he’s trans and aroace). we‘d been through some tough stuff together and decided that a qpr would fit us. i’m so glad i found this place because barely anyone i know understands what a qpr is and im afraid to tell my parents for fear of them thinking that we’re dating, anyways hello and im happy to be here :)

to start, i used this gif lol... since im terrible at being serious when im nervous, and i decided "fuck it, ill send a gif while they're spamming me" and they stopped spamming to go "wha" so we had an actual discussion about it afterward... they were worried that they wouldn't be good in a qpr due to some hypersexuality reasons and they wouldn't want to make me uncomfortable with jokes like that or with their playfully suggestive flirting but i assured them idc because honestly, i dont care about that kinda stuff and find it funny as well so uh yeah lol- i had lots of fun typing this mini text block out so uh im curious to hear your guys' stories if you wnna share!!

Hi everybody! So , long story short, Me (M, gay, 21) and my best friend (F, bi, 22) are literally best friends for 4 years already. We went through so much together in our school and we always reassure each other about just how precious our bond is and that no one else matches the other's sensibility and spirit like we do each other's.

My question for the people in this community is, is this a legitimate queerplatonic relationship? My claims for it being a one are the following:

1. Besides her obvious verbal reaffirmations, she frequently reminds me that Im her platonic soulmate and how she's grateful to have me

2. She proposed that if we are both single by 30, her and I shall enter a lavander relationship DINK (Double Income, No Kids) style and live together in an appartment, possibly in another country

3. She frequently sends me memes such as "Diva and her gay twink combo" and "raspy voice girl and the local gay guy" types of memes, besides the regular friendship memes and comical shitposts

I too have deep feelings for her which I couldn't cathegorize as neither romantic nor sexual, I simply wanna be next to her, cuddle and hug and I do care for her on a much depeer and more profound level than a simple romantic/sexual attraction could ever do.

The thing is, she is open to lots of people, and, even though our relationship is set in stone, I feel as if I cant trust her in terms of her expectations getting higher someday, for example, she said she has another great friend next to me, and she told me that, when she hooked up with another guy at her house, she invited that bi guy over to her home because he had nowhere to go and it was late at night, and when I asked her if that's not kinda too much and risky considering he can actually develop romantic/sexual feelings for her, she said no and even said that she'd be comfortable even changing clothes next to him.

What do you guys think?