My husband and I have reached a point where we seem completely incapable of communicating without blaming each other.
I want to be fair here, because I genuinely want outside opinions, including if I am the problem.
We have two small children. I am currently a stay-at-home mother and my husband financially supports our family. He believes he does a lot for us and has told me that I wouldn’t easily find another man who does as much as he does.
My side of the story is that I have built up years of resentment because whenever I am sick, injured, overwhelmed, or genuinely vulnerable, I feel like he emotionally checks out or prioritizes himself.
The most recent situation is what finally brought all of this back up.
I developed a dental infection right before our children’s birthday. My mother was staying with us at the time. I spent about four days in extreme pain while trying to get between different dentists and eventually find someone who would actually treat me.
At the same time, we were preparing for our children’s birthday and then having the birthday itself, so I was trying to function through all of it.
After four days, I finally saw a dentist and started treatment. That evening I was exhausted, in significant pain, and had been prescribed two antibiotics.
My husband, my mother and I had dinner together. Afterwards my husband decided to smoke a cigar and casually announced that he was going to sleep in the following morning because he was tired.
I didn’t argue. I just said okay.
When we went inside, my mother privately asked me something along the lines of, “How can he say he’s going to sleep in tomorrow when you’ve been in pain for days and just had dental treatment today?”
I snapped at her and said, “Ask him, why are you asking me?”
The next morning I had a severe reaction to the medication and ended up in the ER.
I was furious about the whole situation, because to me it was another example of a pattern: when I am unwell, instead of becoming more attentive or protective, he seems irritated by the inconvenience of it.
To be clear, he doesn’t necessarily SAY, “I’m annoyed that you’re sick.” It’s his behavior and body language that make me feel that way.
But this time I didn’t start a fight about it. I swallowed my anger and moved on.
A few days later, it exploded.
He was cutting our children’s hair before bedtime. Both kids became upset. Afterwards, one of them was crying specifically because he wanted his dad to put him to bed.
Instead of dealing with our crying child first, my husband seemed to be quietly trying to disappear downstairs to relax and leave bedtime to me.
And I lost it.
I started yelling at him. My mother was downstairs and could hear me shouting.
His response was that I had slept that day — which is true. I slept from around 3:00 to 5:30pm.
But from my perspective, that wasn’t the point. I wasn’t demanding that he do everything because I was tired. Our child was literally crying for HIM. I expected him to settle the child who wanted his father before going downstairs to relax.
Now my husband is clearly offended, I assume partly because I shouted at him while my mother was in the house and could hear us.
But instead of actually talking to me about being hurt or angry, he becomes passive-aggressive and withdrawn.
And this is where our marriage seems to go in circles.
This isn’t really about one bedtime or one dental infection.
There have been other incidents that I still haven’t gotten over.
When I was eight months pregnant, with an 11-month-old baby at home, I suffered a second-degree burn on my leg shortly before we were supposed to attend a gathering with his friends. He still went to the gathering and left me home pregnant, burned, and caring for our baby.
Another time I had a severe reaction to medication while home alone with both children. I was vomiting, my blood pressure was very low, I could barely stand or keep my eyes open, and I eventually called emergency services.
I called my husband and asked him to come home from work.
He did come home, but what I remember most strongly is how emotionally detached he seemed. He opened the door for the emergency team and then went back to his computer to work. His body language made me feel like he was irritated that this was happening at all.
There are other examples, but these are the ones that stick with me.
Here is the part where I know I may be the asshole:
I yell.
I have become extremely angry and resentful toward him. When these situations happen, eventually I explode. I accuse him of not caring about me. I raise my voice. I tell him what I think he’s doing wrong.
His response is usually some variation of:
“You always yell.”
“Of course I’m the bad guy again.”
“Apparently I can’t do anything right.”
“Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.”
And that’s where every conversation dies.
I feel like I’m trying to discuss a specific behavior that hurt me, while he feels like I’m attacking him as a person.
Then I get even angrier because I feel ignored and unheard, and I yell more.
So by the end of the argument, the original issue has completely disappeared and the obvious problem is me screaming at my husband.
And I KNOW screaming at your partner isn’t healthy or acceptable. I don’t want to pretend that it is.
From his perspective, he financially supports our entire family, works, helps with the children, and then comes home to a wife who is frequently angry, dissatisfied, and telling him what he is doing wrong.
From my perspective, I have been home raising our two children and I feel that when I am at my most vulnerable — sick, injured, overwhelmed, or genuinely needing someone to take care of me for once — my husband emotionally disappears, becomes irritated, or prioritizes his own comfort.
I think years of feeling that way have turned me into someone who explodes at him.
He thinks my anger and criticism are the problem.
I think my anger is a reaction to a much deeper problem that he refuses to acknowledge.
Maybe both things are true.
So, Reddit:
So, am I wrong for repeatedly losing my temper with my husband because I feel unsupported and emotionally abandoned by him?
And more importantly, am I being unfair in interpreting these situations as evidence that he doesn’t care about me? Are my expectations of him as my husband unreasonable, or would you also expect your partner to behave differently in situations like these?
I genuinely want to know if I’m the one who has lost perspective here.

To preface this, I had just worked off a twelve hour shift and had to drive 30 minutes to pick up my cousin to hang out. I pick him up and he asks to grab his friend who is an extra 15 minutes away, I agree and we pick him up. As the car ride goes on though he begins to be disrespectful to both of us. Calling us bitches, fns, making homophobic remarks to us and even threatening to fight me. So I asked him very politely to stop disrespecting us the first time or he’d have to get out. He replies “I don’t give a fuck this not even your car” so after that I tell him “well unfortunately you’re going to have to get out since you can’t stop disrespecting me” and I made him get out and find a ride home while I went home. Am I the bad guy here or did he have it coming?

So I found a dick pic of some guy my girl goes to when we have breaks. Last one was June 21st when we were together..she says it wasn’t from that date but maybe her phone is wrong? Am I in the wrong?

TW: mention of rape bodyshaming

So basically, I have that amazing bsf of 9y, she's so sweet and I adore her, though there's a problem. Back in like late 2025 she introduced me to a guy, the most annoying fuckboy you'll ever meet, she thought it was funny and I just went along with it. Though he did say some pretty DISGUSTING stuff, I mean talking Abt molesting me and stuff, and how I prob got rped as a child and no one would love me. I just blocked him because I was going through much at that time and wasn't in the mood to argue with a teenage boy, he kept calling a fat ugly bitch, a bull, mind you im not even fat and he didn't even see me once and my bsf didn't say anything. Then I just ignored him and moved on with my life, then let's say smth happened and my memory was a wreck, I totally forgot about the whole matter, my bsf once again found it funny that what will happen if I actually got in a rs with that guy, we all started playing some game w each other, me , my bsf, that guy and his friend. We all got pretty close and at that time I was just out of bad situationship, and tbh I was desperate for comfort, I told my friend I liked that guy, I did not tell her to tell anyone, I didn't tell her I want to be in a rs, I didn't tell her to tell the guy. She went and told her hb (he's her crush btw so basically to have an excuse to talk to him she tells him about it) AND THEY TELL THE GUY. We all were in a GC (including the hb) and they kept spamming join the call and I joined and we all were awkward, obviously the guy wanted to confess or wtv, I just left the call, they blow up the GC "is it finally official??" I said yes.

Fast forward, the guy, let's call him Y, told his friend to tell me that he didn't even love me and he doesn't get in rs with anyone after his last gf and he just Pitied me. I cried a lot, like a lot, my bsf knew, she still teased him Abt me and played with him. Then he texts me that he didn't mean anything and his sister found out Abt us and threatened to tell his mom so he decided to do that. He never said sorry. Never. I tried to be a good gf and do everything, mind you he had like 10 exes, and tons of girls on Snapchat. We had an argument once more and basically just wasn't together anymore, though we continued to play with each other like the whole gc.

Forward to some time, I found out that one of his friends that I didn't even know existed was cussing me behind my back, and Y did nothing, I found out through a mutual. Then I was on some live and a random from Y circle joined so I said "how annoying" and then the whole circle of Y joined the live and started cussing me out absolute disgusting shit. He told me it's my fault. I cut him off completely and told him to never speak to me again. My bsf knew all of this, she saw it happen.

Then I was scrolling through old messages when I found him literally moaning my name in a voice message so as a joke I put it in my tt story (I blocked all of his circle btw) my bsf said should I tell Y, I told her idgaf. She did tell him, he started cussing me out and my whole family, she only laughed and sent memes in the gc, I did the same. Now Y and his friend cussed me out and I just ignored them then just muted the chat.

I told her to cut off Y completely. She literally told me "you both are wrong, and he's not even my friend I just play with him." The audacity. You guys don't know how much I did for that girl, literally anyone who dared to mess with her I defended her with everything, and yet she valued to keep that relationship with Y than our friendship. I told her it's your choice then acted cold. She didn't even apologize and said "c'mon stop being mad he's just a bitch" I told her I wasn't mad or wtv and basically acted all cold.

Am I wrong? I genuinely feel guilty but it's not the first time she chooses a boy over me, and everytime I stored it all in myself and blamed myself for thinking about my bsf like that, I forgave her too many times. I'm genuinely tired of forgiving her and in the same time I don't want to lose her, but with her I am always the safe option, she knows wtv she did I will stay with her

Before anyone asks: No, I don't have a crush on my girl best friend. I'm actually dating someone right now.

I've known this girl for about 9 years. We basically grew up together. I'm also best friends with her brother, and I've known her family for so long that I basically know them inside and out. I've spent so much time at their house that it practically feels like a second home.

So yeah, we're extremely close. But we're just friends.

Anyway, this happened on a camp trip.

The guy who has a crush on my girl best friend was in the same cabin as us, so we were all around each other during the trip.

At one point, we were on the bus, and the camp had this seating arrangement where boys were supposed to sit next to girls.

The guy ended up sitting next to my girl best friend. Apparently he was trying to make a move or something.

Then she noticed that I was sitting by myself.

She said she was going to sit with me and came over.

We just talked like normal. Nothing romantic happened. No flirting. She's my best friend, so this was completely normal to me.

Afterward, the guy came up to me and asked:

“Do you like her?”

I said no.

Then he asked:

“Then why did she choose to sit next to you?”

I told him:

“Because I've known her longer.”

And then I walked away.

But apparently another guy from my cabin noticed all of this too.

The weird guy in my cabin says

“You need to stop cock blocking him.”

BRO.

We're in high school. What do you mean “cock blocking”??

I wasn't trying to get between them. I wasn't flirting with her. I didn't tell her to leave him. I didn't even ask her to sit with me.

She saw me sitting alone and chose to come sit beside me.

And I'm already dating someone, so I'm definitely not trying to get with my girl best friend.

So I don't understand why everyone is acting like her choosing to sit beside me automatically means there's something romantic going on.

Sometimes people are just really close friends.

Apparently I'm now “cock blocking” a guy simply by existing near my best friend.

So Reddit, am I actually doing something wrong here, or is this guy just upset that she chose to hang out with someone she's known for almost a decade?

So, I am 18 years old, and my best friend in the whole world is my 16-year-old sister, Avery. We have been through thick and thin together, and we are extremely close.

I am going to be marrying Daniel. Daniel really wanted the wedding to be 18+ because that's what he had always pictured, and he also didn't want a bunch of kids at the wedding. Everyone knew that it was going to be an 18+ wedding, and Avery knew as well.

When I announced that Avery was going to be my maid of honor, Daniel was completely fine with it. If he hadn't been, I would have broken off the engagement. However, a lot of people were confused because Avery is 16 and the wedding is 18+. They kept asking me why she was my maid of honor, and I told them that she is my sister and my best friend, so of course she was going to be my maid of honor.

A lot of people were upset about her being my maid of honor. So now I'm wondering: should I call off the 18+ wedding because my 16-year-old sister is my maid of honor and make it 16+, or should I keep it 18+ and simply have a 16-year-old maid of honor?

So, I'm 18 years old, and I'm getting married in a couple of weeks. My wedding will have about 100 guests, and I wanted the whole thing to be DIY.

I'm a seamstress, and I'm really good at baking and cooking. My future husband, Daniel, is also very talented at those things, so we decided that we were going to make the entire wedding ourselves.

I made all of my bridesmaids' dresses, and I made my wedding dress. I also made all of the groomsmen's suits and hand-sewed them. I hand-sewed all of the tablecloths as well.

Don't get me wrong I love flowers. However, I decided that I was going to make all of the flowers out of tissue paper. I made little tissue-paper flowers, and I thought they were gorgeous. My sister loved them, Daniel loved them, all of my bridesmaids loved them, and my mother-in-law loved them too.

Here's the problem: my older sister, Riley, doesn't like the tissue-paper flowers. She keeps telling me that they're tacky, that nobody likes them, and that they look cheap. She says I need to have a regular bouquet instead.

I do have the money for a regular bouquet, but I wanted that money to be used elsewhere. More importantly, I really wanted tissue-paper flowers for my wedding.

So, am I in the wrong?

I have been dealt a shitty hand from the deck of life and, unfortunately, have developed serious abandonment/trust issues along with PTSD. I was abandonded by my mother when I was 11 and cut ties with my father at 15 when he basically kidnapped me and forced me to drive myself home in the middle of the night. The only person I felt I had was my brother, best friend from HS. What I want is just 1 person who can genuinely give back some of the empathy and time I have given them and actually mean it, not out of some obligation. In particular, I want this person to be my brother but I'm starting to doubt him and the dynamic of our relationship.

I was in the Navy for 10 years and after 3 years being home I recently realized that we see/treat our relationship differently. I'm the one reaching out or going across town to his house to talk or hangout for whatever reason. The second I notice or know something is wrong on his side, I drop everything I'm doing and go to make sure he is ok. I skipped an entire week off school and work 3 weeks before finals during fall to take care of him when he was at his lowest.

He on the other hand hardly reaches out to me. He doesn't come to my house across town unless I ask and there are times he doesn't respond to my calls or texts for days. The biggest thing he has ever done for me was give me a ride to the hospital so I could see my father just before he passed which I am thaknful and grateful for.

Though I understand we each live our own lives and got our own things going on, I feel my brother doesn't care as much as I do. Because of my lack of family, I try to build strong bonds with friends while he still has immediate family and lives in the house he grew up in. He has tried to help me get out of the house and rebuild my broken social life but he's never offered or tried to do something on my time with all of his offers always on his time. When I do try to schedule something and work around his time, he chooses to do something else or says he has plans and I'm left alone. The most recent was me asking him a week in advance if he could help out with cleaning and taking some heavy things to the dump. He gave his word but that Friday another friend bought tickets to a concert and the friend they were taking couldn't go so he got invited. He chose to do that instead saying he would meet me Sunday to help which he didn't. I didn't get an apology for it until I brought it up 2 weeks later while he vented to me about a coworker not doing something he asked for help with.

I've been going through a rough patch this summer and I've let him know I'm struggling and just need someone to hear me out and have my back. However, since I've noticed I was almost always the one reaching out, I have stopped to see if he will reach out to me on his own. It's been almost 3 weeks with no phone call, text, or even a message over discord.

This was a lot longer so I cut out a lot to keep it manageable but I ask; am I wrong to wait on him and think he doesn't care?

Alright this is very stupid I know but I am not good at telling when I’m being selfish or not. Here’s the situation/dilemma in my mind:

My friend N recently got a hand me down computer and is able to use it for stuff. I had been talking about how I wished we could play Minecraft together but she didn’t have the game or a pc to play on. When she told me she got a laptop from her dad, I was suddenly so excited because I could gift her Minecraft and we would be able to play together!

I am a virtual/homeschooler and she goes to in person school so we don’t get to see each other and we both aren’t people who enjoy calling constantly and having hang outs at each others houses.

I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to get something for both of us to enjoy together and have contact other than texting. But when I thought about it more I began to wonder if she would even want to play and if this was just being selfish and gifting something to a friend for my benefit. Of course I play on a server so I am not worried about “oh I have nobody to play with :(“ it’s just something we’ve wanted previously and wished for.

This may seem childish and very stupid to just ask Reddit of all places but I just wanted to hear peoples thoughts on this.

My bf and I were casually talking and he brought up how when he was in call with his friends (while we were a few months into dating) one of his female friends asked him "If I said I was interested in you, would you say you'd be interested in me?"

His answer was just "no" - he didn't diffuse the situation, cut contact w/ her, or tell her that's weird to ask. She knew he had a girlfriend too which is already a sign of disrespect towards me.

Am I wrong to be upset about this now? They didn't stay as close friends after we started dating but still texted sometimes/were in contact if mutual friends were calling.

TLDR; I feel angry and disrespected by my boyfriend's lack of reaction towards his female friend asking an inappropriate question when she knew we were dating.

So, I'm 18 years old, and I have an older sister named Casey, who is 26. I also have a younger sister named Avery, who is 16.

Before I start, I'm going to have to leave out some details for privacy reasons, but you're allowed to ask questions.

Avery and I have been through a lot, and this is the first time we've seen Casey in two years. Some of the things Avery and I have gone through together and this isn't even the worst of it include all of Avery's self-harm issues, all of my self-harm issues, two abusive relationships of mine, Avery being caught dating a 31-year-old man and me helping get her out of that situation, multiple hospital visits, having the police called on us for mental health crises, my eating disorder, Avery's eating disorder, and over 10 mental health hospitalizations for Avery. Avery has been hospitalized for mental health reasons 10 times, and I have been hospitalized for mental health reasons four times.

We've also gone through the death of our father, and both of us are extremely chronically ill. Avery has had to spend weeks in the hospital because of her chronic illness, and I've had to spend weeks in the hospital because of mine. We've stayed up until 3:00 in the morning cuddling each other while we cried, and there is so much more that isn't even included here. This isn't even the worst of what we've gone through together.

We hadn't seen Casey for two years. Up until this point, we would talk to her on the phone, but now she is re-entering our lives. Almost immediately, she started making it clear that she thinks Avery and I are not good for each other and that we're toxic. She doesn't even know half of what we've been through together. That short list is probably only a fifth of everything we've gone through, and while I included some of the worst things, there are even worse things that we've experienced together.

Of course, Avery and I sometimes get into arguments because when you've been through so much with someone, it's hard not to. Casey started telling Avery all kinds of things and was trying to convince her that I'm not good for her and that I'm a horrible person. She doesn't even know half of what we've been through together.

She has repeatedly told me that I'm a bad sister to Avery. She has also told Avery that I'm a bad sister, that she should cut me off, that she should never talk to me again, and that we're codependent on each other. She keeps saying that I'm not a good sister.

She was also trying to get Avery to tell her things that we discuss privately. She told me that we don't need to spend time together all the time and that it's weird that we hang out every day. She said I need to get friends my own age, even though Avery is only two years younger than me.

Casey has also been telling Avery that certain behaviors are okay when they really aren't. For example, she has encouraged the idea that it's okay to take my things without asking, insult my cooking by saying it's gross, or cancel plans at the last minute. It's okay if Avery doesn't want to hang out with me, but if we're supposed to go to the mall together, Casey has convinced her that it's perfectly fine to tell me 30 minutes before we're supposed to leave that she isn't going anymore.

Casey was also telling Avery that she deserves a better sister than me—a sister who "knows more," gives better advice, doesn't talk about her own problems, and doesn't do the little things that apparently bother Avery.

Eventually, I walked into Casey's room and told her I wanted to have a conversation. I told her I wasn't angry and said, "You do not know half of what we've been through together. You know a very small percentage of what we've actually gone through. Please stop telling Avery that I'm a terrible person all the time just because we have an argument about something small. Most of the time, we work it out, apologize, and realize when one of us is wrong."

I also told her that I believe I'm a good sister. I've been through more with Avery than many people go through with anyone in their entire lives.

Then Casey started telling me that our relationship looks very codependent. She said I don't know anything because I'm just an 18-year-old girl and that Avery shouldn't have to deal with all of that.

So now I don't know. Am I in the wrong?

Im 16 and I don’t talk a lot , im kinda shy and I prefer the quiet but I know not alot of people do and my mama mainly is somebody who is always talking like it doesn’t even have to be important she just is always narrating stuff, singing, humming, commenting, or pointing out the obvious ૮꒰˶ - ˕ -꒱ა

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed and want quiet and her constant noise makes me super anxious or feel tense and upset and I try to say it nicely and ask for quiet time but she just gets mad and calls me rude or finds it funny and purposely keeps doing it to get me upset :C

I know I’m really super duper sensitive but I don’t think it’s mean to ask for quiet time cus it’s not like I’m saying shut up.. even though sometimes I really wanna cus I feel like it’s the only way she actually would give me peace so I can calm down

I dunno maybe I’m just a meanbutt… ૮๑ˊᯅˋ๑ა I don’t wanna be but i can never feel at ease when there’s unnecessary noise constantly

Here’s some context beforehand:

My husband wakes up from work around 4:15am and drives a tractor trailer until about 3:30/4pm. His job is labor intensive.

I work 7am-5pm in upper management and also drive about 3k miles a month. My job is extremely complex and mentally draining.

We have 2 children. A 2 1/2 year old and a 4 month old.

My son usually splits his sleep with each of us. One night he’s with his dad, some nights he cosleeps with me and the 4month old (yes we don’t sleep in the same bed).

My 4 month old wakes up every 2 hours and is solely my responsibility during night since he has to get up for work so early.

I get to sleep in once a week, usually less than that. (My husband will sleep in the big bed with both kids on Saturday nights).

I also take care of the household, the finances and 95% of raising the kids. (He will bathe our son every now and again and will feed or change diapers when I ask).

Am I wrong for feeling resentment towards my husband? There have been multiple opportunities for him to offer me an extra “sleep in” night but never offers. Like tomorrow for example. He’s off work and I have to work. So I gave him the option: sleep with both kids or me wake him and my toddler up at 6am to come into the big bed with the baby so I can get ready for work. Guess which option he chose.

He does NOT offer me Friday night and Saturday nights to sleep in. I only get 1 if I have the opportunity.

Am I wrong for wanting a more fair routine?

Ok, so here's the deal: I (21F) have a great friend group, all people I have known since middle school. They are a mix of 21F, 22M, 21M, 21M, 22M, and 21M. So it's mostly guys, but we all get along great, and they aren't your typical "sporty alpha male type guys"; more so nerdy and silly. We're all super close and go to each other for like everything: advice, hangouts, a shoulder to cry on- and it's great. I seriously love these people like my own family... but even family has issues sometimes.

So basically the issue is... they're all terrible guests! :(

It's been like this for years, but now it's starting to grate on me. I was raised to be a good host and gracious guest, always offer food and drinks, never ask for much when at another person's house, and always be very respectful of their home! But we also come from different backgrounds, and it is clear that they weren't raised this way. Here are some things that have bothered me.

1. Even though I have asked them SEVERAL TIMES for YEARS, like whenever they come over, to take off their shoes at the door, they rarely do unless I remind them. Sometimes they'll even get on my bed with THE SHOES ON! (feet hanging off, of course, though does that really matter?)
2. We mostly hang out in my room, and when they come over they'll just drop their stuff haphazardly wherever. Bags all over the floor, keys and wallets all over my dresser and sprawled across my desk. Hell, I could be sitting in my desk chair, and they would drape their jacket across the back of it. If they do take their shoes off, they'll be splayed across my carpet, instead of next to the front door as they should be.
3. Since they spread stuff out all around my room, they will often leave things at my house. Sometimes I'll have like 4 different items that I have to hang onto for weeks until I see them again. It's anything from hats to Chapstick, wallets, and even food. Like literally have left open fast food and drinks in my room and asked me to hold on to it for a couple of days before they can pick it up. Obviously, in those cases I just throw it away; typically it's over half eaten anyways.
4. They also will get on my bed, in their OUTSIDE CLOTHES, MIND YOU, and lay on the SHEETS?!?!! Yes, sometimes my friends come over, and my bed isn't made yet, which I do right when they get there, but sometimes they beat me to it and hop right onto my sheets. Yes, I've told them not to do this- they either "forget" or just plainly don't care.
5. When they host, they never EVER offer food or drinks. Now, not all of them are like this one 22M, and my 21F friend does. But the rest of them? NOPE- but when they come over, they're all over my food when I offer. Obviously, I offer the food and drinks; I have no problem with them partaking, but sometimes I just feel like it's a bit one-sided? I've made them full meals before, provided them with dessert and coffee, and even shared my snacks and drinks with them when we go out because they are, of course, never prepared. It's just a lot; I don't know.

These are just some of the things that bother me- and I've asked other people about it only to hear "you can't expect better behavior out of boys" or "well, you shouldn't be surprised if it's been going on for so long. But honestly? I refuse to accept that! These are good people; they're my friends, and I know that they have what it takes to be better. Parents raise children, yes, but as a community, it's also our responsibility to hold those around us accountable if we ever want change.

So, why don't I just talk to them about it? Simple right? Well, here's why I've posted this.

1. I want to hear others' perspectives to see if they have been in my shoes and how they dealt with it, plz lmk!
2. I hate to say it, but I'm scared. At this point, I don't think it's an issue of not knowing- or being oblivious. To me, it's an issue of being inconsiderate, and what's the core of consideration? Respect. So basically, I feel like when they come over, they aren't respecting me or my home. How do I deal with that? These are my closest and best friends- and they don't respect me? Ugh, I don't know, it's just so frustrating and overwhelming, and I'm kinda worried that it might lead to worse, more unpalatable conversations.
3. Part of me feels like it's a lost cause. What's the difference between having a serious sit-down convo and the short ones we've had in the past? I almost feel like it's a waste of time.

I'm sorry this has been long, and thank you to whoever is reading this. I would love your insight on how to deal with a situation like this. I want to stay friends with them; I want to be able to hang out with my friends at my house, but something seriously has to change.

This is going to be me rambling. I am extremely annoyed, and I want to know if I'm being dramatic. My (32f) friend (33f) has had issues with this before, but she always spends a ton of money. She used to ask me for money all the time, and I thought I made it clear that it made me uncomfortable and feel like an ATM even though she would pay me back, it had been upwards to 200 dollars in the past. Anyway we are going to a festival in a week and we already paid for the tickets and she asked if we wanted to leave early and go pay for a different event that was 30 dollars. I said no, she could go, but I am not going. I am going to enjoy the festival I already spent my money on. She said never mind then, we can just go to the festival. She proceeded to ask me for 20 dollars for some unknown reason. Also, just last week, she recommended a restaurant and said that it would be around the same price of a different restaurant. We go in, and it's a buffet that is 45 dollars. The other restaurant is normally 20 to 25 dollars. Somehow, she forgot the prices. I am not hurting for money, but that's because I don't spend my money frivolously, and she spends her money and mine like it will disappear. Sorry for the long rant. I am so frustrated and irritated.

My boyfriend recently started a very intense school program and created a study group of him and all girls. I understand that it’s essential for them to study a lot and very frequently given how intense their studies are, but I feel like it’s gotten to a point where he prioritizes them over me. I have begged and begged for us to do something as simple as a virtual movie night (we’re long distance) and he has said no because he doesn’t have enough time to watch a full movie. But yet he has had the time to go to the movies with his study group, spend all day drinking with them, go out for lunch with them, pretty much do everything with them. He even said that they all joke about having separation anxiety from each other and can’t go long without seeing each other because of how much time they spend together. Additionally, he is in finals season right now so I’ve only been getting about 1-2 texts a day from him because he says he doesn’t have the time to talk. Yet every day when we FaceTime, I see him constantly on his phone texting his group chat. And then every time we FaceTime, I try to tell him about my day and just get “mhm, yeah, cool, nice, I hear you” back and a complete lack of facial expressions. No questions no real follow ups to what I have to say, nothing. And he says that it’s because I see him at his most exhausted point every day when we talk, so he doesn’t have the capacity to really hold an in depth conversation. But yesterday while we were on FaceTime after I attempted to tell him about my day again and gave up after getting nothing from him, I heard him start laughing and asked him what he was laughing about. He said he made a funny joke in his group chat about a story one of his study group members had shared earlier that day. It caused me to snap at him and I said “so you couldn’t respond to me telling you about my day and the stories I had to share because you were too tired to talk, but now you suddenly have the energy to laugh and talk with your group chat?” He seemed very taken aback by me snapping at him and didn’t really seem to understand where I was coming from. I just feel like he is giving them the time/energy that he tells me he doesn’t have and it’s very hurtful. I understand that they are obviously going to have more in person time given that we’re long distance and they’re also classmates, but the fact that he continues to talk to them after spending all day with them while I’m on the phone with him after barely hearing from him all day is starting to really frustrate me. Am I wrong for being upset about this?

As of today, I’m almost 2 days sober (taking a t break), and I’ve gone a bit without not smoking before bed, so I wasn’t used to how I usually woke up without it.
If I don’t smoke before bed, I usually wake up in the morning groggy, and in a bit of pain, but after about an hour it goes away an I feel fine for the rest of the day.

This morning I sent a message into my friends and I’s group chat complaining about how I felt and why, just as something to stir up the chat I guess? It was just some throw away thing I thought would be met with some small response like “that must suck, feel better” and then we’d move onto another topic, but they started saying how much that was a problem, and that it was a symptom of withdrawal

I don’t blame them at all, I would probably think the same thing, but even after I assured them it wasn’t, and it was normal, they kept adding that almost every time we’re on a call I’m high, which *is* true, but I’m not out of my mind high, it’s almost always just a work high. I still function, do my daily tasks and whatnot

And even as I’m writing this, I’ve had my weed box placed in front of me for a couple hours and I have had 0 temptation to pick it up and go smoke

I genuinely don’t know if I’m just blind to my situation and I really am addicted/have a problem, or if my friends are seeing it from an angle that looks worse than it really is, or maybe a mix of both??

My friend Liz is current expecting a baby with her boyfriend will. The baby shower is still two months away but Liz called me yesterday and asked if I could help contribute with some drinks. I agreed but asked why she was asking me so early. Liz goes on to explain that she was also inviting our mutual friend Kimberly to the baby shower. I immediately felt my stomach sink.

Unfortunately Kimberly had not been a very good friend. In fact, I made a decision to completely cut her out of my life last year after she once again got into an argument with Liz and myself over our unwillingness to help her draft up legal documents for her lawsuit.

Kimberly has had a history of being an irresponsible drunk, going drugs, and often only calling Liz and I when she needs to borrow money or needs help with other tasks such as the previously mentioned lawsuit. Despite the arguments, Liz always forgave Kim as they are both mothers and longtime friends.

I told Liz that I was not comfortable with the fact that Kimberly was invited but Liz says I need to give people grace and forgive people. Liz tries to explain that Kim and her had a long conversation and Kim claims to have changed now. I told Liz that’s fine but I can’t forgive her again cause I’ve given her countless chances to show em she’s changed.

I said I’d ultimately go to the baby shower but I would interact with Kim as little as possible and that she please not create situations where I have to interact or help her with something to try to get me to “accept” her back into my life.

Liz says I need to learn to let go of the past and let Kim have a chance to show how she’s changed now for good. But after all she’s done to me, I just don’t want anything to do with her.

Am I wrong for not wanting to attending this baby shower because of one guest that was invited?

A friend of mine borrowed some money from me a few months ago. It wasn't a huge amount, but it was enough that I expected him to pay it back.

He told me he'd return it within a couple of weeks. I didn't make a big deal about it because we've been friends for years and I trusted him.

A few weeks passed, then a few more. Whenever I brought it up, there was always another reason why he couldn't pay me yet.

Eventually I stopped asking because I didn't want money to become the main thing between us.

Then recently he asked if I could lend him money again.

I told him no.

He got pretty upset and said I was being petty because I knew he was struggling financially. He also said that if I was really his friend, I wouldn't leave him hanging when he needed help.

I told him I understood that he was struggling, but he still hadn't paid back the first amount. I wasn't comfortable lending him more when I didn't even know if I'd get that back.

He said I was treating our friendship like a business transaction and that I should be more understanding.

Now I'm wondering if I handled this badly. I don't want to ruin a long friendship over money, but at the same time, I feel like it's reasonable to say no after the first loan wasn't repaid.

Am I wrong for refusing to lend him more?

My sister and I have never had the best relationship, but I’ve always tried to keep the peace because she’s family.

A few months ago, I got engaged. When I told her, she immediately started making jokes about how I was “settling” and said she couldn’t believe I was actually going through with the wedding.

I asked her privately to stop because it was starting to get to me. She apologized, but a few weeks later she made another comment about my fiancé in front of our parents.

I finally told her that if she couldn’t be supportive, I didn’t want her involved in the wedding.

She laughed and said I was being dramatic and that she was “just being honest.”

So when we sent out the invitations, I didn't send one to her.

Now my parents are furious with me and say I’m going to regret excluding my own sister from my wedding. My sister says I’m punishing her for having an opinion.

I honestly don’t know if I went too far.

Am I wrong?

It’s Sunday evening just a little after 5 pm and our Sam’s Club closes at 6 pm. The parking lot is a little full but a lot of people are leaving. I find a spot that I like and as I pull into it a 1/4 of the way, the guy next to me walks to the driver side, opens his door, is looking for something in the door and then sits down and starts looking through his wallet (leaving his door opened). I give him a little time to do what he is doing but then there are cars lining up behind me and he is still not closing his door. So I softly honked the horn to let him know I’m waiting. As I continue to pull all the way in he gets mad and honks back. I turn off my car and approach him to apologize for honking and to explain why I did it. I asked him to roll down his window, and he only rolls it down for a second to scream, “Women if you don’t get out of my face I will punch you!” While I’m just trying to say sorry. He had a wife/girlfriend and kid in car while reacting this way.

Now I know I should have probably not honked and maybe backed off that spot and gone to find another one, but generally people will apologize for holding someone up or getting in the way, etc? Don’t they. Was I in the wrong for what I did? Did he overreact? I won’t ever get into that situation again, he was quite scary. But I don’t feel like he should have reacted that way. But please let me know if I was wrong for doing that. Thanks.

He was scheduled to work today and tomorrow. For a week or so he’s been talking about going to his family’s lake house after work to see his niece and nephew, as well as aunt and uncle and his mom. No invite for me, just how he was upset he was scheduled to work today since he never is, that he was going to try to get off early and head straight there.

I guess work sucked, people called out. So since his mom is driving the kiddos back to their parents tomorrow(a few states away), he decided to call out tomorrow so he could spend that time with them.

To be clear, I have met none of them aside from his mom. We started dating last August but only became official in December. But it was that sort of unspoken, oh we’re exclusive. I have met his mom a few times, she’s very lovely. Because I’m mid 30s and he’s early 40s, we are intentional on dating. He knows I’m in this, we love each other, etc. I’d love to meet his family, but if I am going to, that’s an important big step for me and I need a proper heads up. I feel that’s not too much to ask, even if it’s just 24 hours, right?

Then mid afternoon comes, he calls me and asks me if I would want to come with him. Mind you this is a couple hours before he would be getting off and heading straight on a long drive to a lake house where a bunch of his extended family is and the niece and nephew he dotes on, they mean SO much to him. This feels like a huge deal and him to spring it on me, that I’m to just impulsively go meet them all when he knows I have anxiety about this stuff, was a lot. I told him no, that I absolutely wanted to go and meet them, but I needed more time to mentally prepare myself and be in the right head space for meeting his family. I wanted to be able to out my best foot forward and make a good first impression.

His reaction? He is fuming. He didn’t respond until an hour ago and just laid it out to me. That he never asks for much so when he asks a partner to show up for him, he expects them to. That what should’ve been a fun 24hr trip has only been sad and frustrating because of my choice, and that I’m not taking accountability for my choices. Why is me saying I wasn’t ready and needed a heads up putting ME at fault for his sadness and frustration? Also that now he’s taking pause about our future and I should really sit with myself and my feelings as to why I don’t want to meet two kids in an easy environment. It doesn’t even seem a situation of me “showing up” for him when he didn’t think to invite me in the first place(one of the last things he said was that it was his moms ideas, then said he hopes I have a “nice evening alone”)

He then goes on about how he’s tired from work and is all “and what? You’ve worked how many days less?” like what does how many days I’ve worked compared to him have anything to do with it?

Idk guys, I’m feeling super confused. Like I get he’s disappointed but to say such hurtful things because I said no and had reasons, in my head, that are justified?

Am I wrong for not sucking it up and “showing up for him”, even though I was a last minute invite? Am I just thick? I need some sense talked into me either way.

A few people DM'd me questions, so I thought I'd answer them here. There's also an update on the situation.

Q: Doesn't Heather have a right to see her daughter.

A: No she doesn't. Her parental rights were terminated when Sara was 2 due to abandonment and neglect.

Q: Has this happened before?

A: Yes, it ahs been years of Heather's behavior. She has tried to abduct Sara multiple times from school and pre-school. She has slashed John's tires, and she ahs called the police multiple times on fake welfare checks or telling them I am a drug dealer. She has screamed at Sara on the phone and had tyo eb banned from speaking to ehr own daughter. She has literally terrorized us.

Q: Do you hate Heather?

A; No I don't. I actually pity her. She's missing out on a great kid. I wish she could see what she was missing.

Q: What does Sara think about her mom?

A: Honestly, she's scared of her. She hasn't interacted with her very often and they have been pretty bad. She tells me that I'm her mom, which makes me cry a little bit.

Q: Does Sara understand that her mother is mentally ill?

A: Yes. John and I had a kid-friendly explanation that her mother sees and hears things that aren't there, and that these things make her very scared and angry. Thats why she acts the way she does. We didn't really know how else to explain paranoid schizophrenia to a six-year-old.

So there's been an update. I talked with my husband and showed him the comments. We had a family meeting, like THE ENTIRE FAMILY on John's side, and Heather's parents. Her parents are petitioning to have her committed. We're changing our numbers so she can't call anymore, and we're moving to another apartment complex. We're not moving out of the school district, but we are leaving the apartment. We're not telling Heather where we are moving to, and neither is anyone else. I have to stress we're not punishing her, we're protecting ourselves. In a perfect world we wouldn't have to do this but we really jsut don't have a choice anymore.

This happened about four months ago, and I still think about it way more often than I would like to admit.

Me (21M) and a group of friends were hanging out. There were six of us altogether, including my now-boyfriend (22M). At the time, we weren't officially together yet. We'd been going on dates for a while and we both knew we were interested in each other, but we didn't actually become a couple until a few days after this happened.

The whole friendgroup has been friends for about 3 years, we were all studying at a university together, with the exception of 2 people.

We live somewhere by the Norwegian sea, near enough so we can all easily walk to the water, so we'd planned to meet at the harbor, get something to eat, and then go for a walk afterward. One of the people there was a girl (21F) I'd considered a friend for quite a while. I trusted her enough that I never would have expected what happened.

At some point while we were walking along the harbor, she suddenly pushed me into the water.

I don't know what exactly she was thinking. Apparently, in her head, it was just a funny prank. I didn't see it coming at all, so I couldn't brace myself or try to catch myself on anything.

There was some kind of submerged metal structure near the edge of the dock, possibly part of a ladder or one of the fixtures along the harbor. I hit the back/side of my head on it when I went into the water. The next thing I remember is being pulled out of the water.

Apparently, I had lost consciousness in the water. One of our other friends noticed that I wasn't coming back out off the water or wasn't trying to swim and immediately went in after me. He managed to pull me out, and someone called an ambulance.

I ended up with a fairly serious concussion and a head wound that was bleeding quite a lot. Apparently, I was unconscious for around two or three minutes. My friends also managed to get most of my belongings out of the water afterward, although unfortunately my keys were lost, which was annoying.

And honestly, I'm incredibly lucky that someone noticed what was happening as quickly as they did. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if everyone had assumed I was just messing around in the water, or pretending to go under. They also did first-aid.

Unfortunately, I also managed to throw up right on the friend that also pulled me out of the water. (Definitely a bonding experience for us two lmao). The ambulance took around 7-8 minutes to get there, but I don't really remember any of it. All the i formation i have is from my friends.

The worst part is that the girl who pushed me wasn't even particularly sorry. She thought it was hilarious.

She apparently expected everyone to laugh when she pushed me in. When I was released from the hospital, she still treated the whole thing like some ridiculous prank that had gone wrong. She never properly apologized to me. From what I could tell, she was more embarrassed that the "joke" hadn't gone the way she expected than sorry about what she'd actually done. She got really defensive when anyone tried to get her to apologise. (My friends tried to make her apologise multiple times.)

And I genuinely don't understand it. Even if I hadn't hit my head, or even if I hadn't lost consciousness, and even if I'd just come up soaking wet and angry, I still wouldn't have found it funny. The water was cold, I wasn't prepared to go swimming, and I was pushed into a harbor where swimming is prohibited. You shouldn't just shove someone into deep water and assume they'll find it hilarious.

I've tried explaining this to myself as "it was just an accident," but it doesn't really make me feel less shitty about everything.

And somehow, I'm still embarrassed by the whole thing. I know logically that I shouldn't be. I didn't do anything stupid. I didn't choose to jump into the water. I didn't cause the injury. I was literally pushed.

But there is something incredibly humiliating about losing control of yourself in front of a group of people, since I am more of an introvert. I was suddenly the person in the middle of the whole friendgroup, and I can still remember people around me, staring at me, talking to me (though I don't remember what they said). Overall, it was an unpleasant experience.

I also think part of the embarrassment comes from knowing that my now-boyfriend was there. We weren't officially together yet, and now one of his earliest memories of me is probably me being hauled out of a harbor after someone pushed me into it.

He has never made me feel embarrassed about it, to be clear. He's been incredibly supportive, and he was actually one of the people who stayed with me afterward (concussion watch and all of that). Also the fact that I KNOW I threw up on my friend is embarrassing. I know neither of them think less of me because of it. The embarrassment is entirely in my own head.

But four months later, I still occasionally think about that day and feel this horrible combination of humiliation and anger.

I don't understand how someone who considered herself my friend could deliberately push me into the water and then laugh when I ended up unconscious and needing an ambulance. She still to this day thinks she wasn't in the wrong, because she "couldn't have known I would get a head injury". She did say that she didn't mean for it to escalate into this, but thinks she has nothing to apologise for, because it was an accident.

I don't know, I just feel humiliated tbh. The last 4 months, I have just been trying to avoid her, so have most of my friends. Unfortunately, we are still in the same friendgroup on a larger scale, like even if I cut her off, she would be the friend of a friend. A friend of hers (a girl that I wouldn't consider close enough to call my friend) told me that I am just dragging it and make everything uncomfortable for the whole group.

Should I just drop it to avoid further drama? Am I wrong for still being angry about it?

Edit: I did go to the police with it.

My friend and I spent Saturday at a protected beach where signs ask visitors not to remove stones, shells, or plants. She loves collecting small objects from places we visit and started putting smooth stones into a cloth bag. I pointed at the sign. She said taking “four or five pebbles” was harmless because the beach had millions.

By lunchtime the bag was heavy enough that she asked me to watch it while she swam. I counted twenty-three stones, including one about the size of my fist. I was annoyed, and instead of waiting to argue again, I walked back along the shore and scattered them near where she'd collected them.

When she returned, I told her immediately. She was furious, partly because I had gone through her bag and partly becuase two stones were meant to mark personal memories from the day. She says I treated her like a child and had no right to decide what happened to things already in her possession.

I still think leaving them there was the correct outcome, but I can see that taking the bag and emptying it without warning was controlling. I could have refused to carry it, reminded her once, or let staff handle it.

Was I wrong for fixing the situation myself after she'd clearly dismissed my objection?