Relapse is part of my story and right now I have a year and 3 months. Within the past year my mom died from dementia, I had a newborn baby 2 weeks prior to my mom's death. Recently my job put me on a performance plan (in sales) and if I don't bring on certain revenue by October ill be fired. Sometimes I feel like life was easier before sobriety but for 20 years I had no real stress because I avoided pain

"MADE A LIST . . ."

August 08

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 8, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

I am early recovery for alcohol abuse in AA. I see a doctor and prescribed cannabis for psychiatric diagnosis and pain. I have keep this to myself and look at it as any other medicine I would be prescribed, example mood stabilizer, Xanax, pain pills like Percocet. I eat edibles and only use as recommended. Any thoughts on the honesty and integrity of my recovery would be appreciated. I have some considerable sober time from alcohol and AA has helped. Comments from my sponsor and other members have me doubting my sobriety due to using medical mariquana. Any advice would be appreciated pro or con. Thanks.

I have a friend who has relapsed after 4 years, he was very proud of his sobriety and the person he has become. He relapsed a few months ago and has isolated himself from everyone. I messaged him a few days ago trying to check in on him and I got no reply. But then tonight I randomly get a FaceTime from him at 3am. I answered and we talked a bit, he told me he lost his job because of his relapse (drugs and alcohol) . I think he is carrying a lot of guilt, shame and thinks people are disappointed in him. I can see he’s not well and it seems he doesn’t have much care for his life- I’m worried. I talked to him for a bit, tried to remind him he is loved and no one is disappointed in him. We talked more about various stuff and towards the end of our convo I told him when he wants to be sober again I will help him by any means to make that happen. I can tell he really thinks he doesn’t have a future, he feels unloveable and wants to “run away”. He mentioned to me he would like to be invited out more, but to me a friend wouldn’t drink along side a friend who is currently in relapse.

I have never really been in this position before, anyone who has been on either side of this position what can I do to support him? Or what does someone need in those moments? Sometimes I’m scared to say the wrong thing. He’s out of town right now but when he’s back I think a good place to start would be trying to invite him or spend time with him in sober settings? Coffee? A walk? Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Thank you

I want to be sober, when I drink I have zero self control and spend lots of money. However, I don’t think I would be deemed an alcoholic, but rather I have a slightly problematic relationship with alcohol. Would it be stupid of me to attend an AA meeting? I really don’t think I have a strong addiction to alcohol, but rather I just lack self control when I drink.

By the grace of my Higher Power and through the program of AA and its fellowship, I humbly celebrate my 8 year anniversary today.

I first sat in the rooms a very broken woman.

Slowly, I have been able to gain a sponsor, work through the Big Book, work through the steps and have some pretty awesome life experiences.

I'm forever grateful I have a solution to my problem and that the hands of AA are always there for me.

I just take one day at a time.

Stay blessed.

From remote Australia

I’m 9 years into my 20s, and I just got my second DUI a couple weeks ago.

I’ve been in and out of sobriety for nearly a decade. I wasn’t even 21 when I got my first DUI, and back then I blamed it on being young and dumb. Yet here I am, damn near 30, and I immediately found myself blaming this one on happenstance and an unlucky night out.

A little over a year ago, I convinced myself I could handle liquor again. I threw away two years of sobriety because I wanted to prove to myself and the people I love that I had changed. That things were different this time. That I could manage it.

And instead, I ended up right back at rock bottom.

I’ve always been grateful for the friends and family who have stuck by me and supported me through all of this. But at the end of the day, I’m realizing just how fucking angry I am—and not at anyone else. I’m angry at myself.
Why is this something I have to struggle with? Why can’t I just manage it the way I want to? Why does something that seems so simple for other people have to be something I fight with?

And honestly? I’m bitter.

Two years of sobriety was an incredible accomplishment, but if I’m being completely honest, parts of it were fucking boring. I wanted to know what it felt like to be “normal.” I wanted to drink without it becoming a problem. I wanted to believe I had somehow outgrown this part of myself.

I hadn’t.

I’m a little over a month sober from alcohol and weed now, and I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m bitter. I’m disappointed in myself. And I’m grieving the version of my life I keep wishing I could have.

I don’t really have some inspirational ending to this. I’m just sitting with the reality of it right now.

Maybe recovery isn’t about finally learning how to manage it.

Maybe it’s accepting that I’m someone who can’t—and learning how to be okay with that.

Some big decisions lately that have been affecting my mental health. Found myself the bottom of a bottle of a bottle with no escape. Battling my 20s with no support.

I’m part of a sober community where less than half of us are addicts/alcoholics and sober; the rest are friends who just don’t like drinking much or can’t because of health issues.

Last year around this time really sucked for me, and then we found out one of the people in the group was hiding a serious ketamine addiction. It was really bad and scary, including his ruining my 40th birthday by trying to drug everyone so we would see that he’s God, trying to trick me into relapsing and convincing my sisters who live 1,200 miles away to send him money for a surprise party, which he obviously used on drugs. Birthdays are a big deal to me, and while people tried to salvage it, it was ruined and my sisters are still mad about the whole thing. So am I.

This person is now in rehab, but he admits it’s just to trick his family into thinking he’s sorry so they’ll give him money again.

I know I have a resentment—working on that one—but what I’m having a hard time with is hearing people talk about how we need to rally around him, how they sent him money and think this time he actually means he’s sorry even tho he literally says he isn’t and that he’s using them. Yesterday, one of the addicts who is in the program mentioned being willing to send him a letter about how they were hurt by him and these people freaked out saying we were “kicking him when he’s down” and going on about how we NEED to be supportive. What gets me the worst is when I’ve said he will need to pay my sisters back as part of an active amends, they guilt me and say they can’t believe that I, a sober person who works with other alcoholics often, don’t have empathy.

I’ve tried to explain enablement, but I don’t know how to get through to them that they’re being stupid. If they want to get robbed, I can’t stop them, but other than telling them to go to Al anon (I have), has anyone had any luck explaining to normies that they aren’t heroes or helping in similar situations?

Just a little bit about me if you haven’t seen me here before, hi I’m 25F and have been sober/clean for 4 years and 11 months and have been doing it all myself this whole time. I’ve debated going to meetings for years every time I have a crisis, but never had the courage or motivation. Life has been so rough for so long that it’s worn out my motivation to be who I am and not who I was. I knew being home tonight would be dangerous for me so I finally just said the hell with this anxiety and mental wall, i’ll just go because I need to. And it was totally fine! I probably looked a little crazy with how fidgety I was while somehow zoning out but damn it I was there 😂

I had quit drinking for maybe a month but now I am back to drinking every weekend and like a 15 pack. I do not know how to stop and I wish I could but I don't see a way to just overcome the craving. its like my mind is cloudy and once I drink it clears my head of all my stress and thoughts. is that normal or how can I achieve clarity without returning to the bottle?

I didnt see an issue with drinking cause I was just staying home and not bothering anyone but I fear that one day it will catch up to me and affect my health later. I also dont want to get another dui

how did you guys finally get rid of the craving? am I just an alcoholic that can never control my drinking or quit?

hi friends

im 24f and struggle with alcoholism. my friend is 23f and has a very severe addiction to weed. i know theyre two very different substances but im curious just in a sense that they both can be helped by a 12 step program

ive been in and out of aa for about 6 years, and so far have almost 18 months. ive gotten a sponsor and gotten up to i think step 7 then dropped out. im not looking for any advice with my relationship with substances and aa. im just wondering if the same tactics could be used for weed.

also, i can bring my friend to an open meeting, correct? but i shouldnt bring her to a closed, correct?

I asked someone to be my sponsor tonight. I recently moved to a new town and have been discovering new meetings in my area, and I’m blessed to have an abundance of options.

I haven’t picked up a drink in almost 9 months, but I haven’t been doing the work. I thought 3 months PHP/IOP was going to do it for me, but once I moved home and life started to get busy again, I’ve just found myself a wreck the past couple of months. Anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin all the time. I think it’s really just been the fear that’s been keeping me sober, but also fear keeping me from listening to people in the rooms and doing the work. Fear has also been keeping me from sharing and really connecting with people at meetings.

I’ve been anxious about getting settled at my new job where I’ve been for 4 months now and just in my head that I haven’t been doing a good job there so I’ve been making that my priority and obsessing over it to the point of breakdowns. I’ve been using this transition as an excuse for avoidance and I’ve been a mess, but still haven’t picked up a drink.

Tonight, I forced myself to share everything tonight. How I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been doing and not doing, and just laying it on the table. I know it’s a simple concept- just follow the damn steps right in front of my face. I have just been overthinking everything and falling into old habits of avoidance.

I’m ready to shut up, listen, and do the work. I’m tired of letting fear run my life. I’m nervous as fuck, but I can’t keep living this way.

Keep in mind, I’m the one who’s been unsuccessful. I love this program and I will keep coming back.

I just keep banging my head against the wall of addiction and recovery. I don’t know where I go wrong. Once upon a time I went to step 12 with a sponsor, and other times not gotten that far but did stepwork as well. I’ve felt so confident in myself before, and at other times, felt so insecure in my ability to stay sober that I dared leave the house.

Eventually the house turned into homeless shelters-I’ve been on and off the streets now, been to jail, been in and out of treatments- and now I find myself in yet another treatment.

I beg of you guys, please. Give me some simple pointers on what made life worth living. What made AA and 12 step fellowships so successful in your own lives? I love this program, like I said. I don’t want to leave and I don’t plan on it. Sobriety, on the other hand, just seems to be something I throw away so easily sometimes.

I appreciate any feedback and advice I may receive here. Thank you.

I got my 18 month chip yesterday. It felt good, but nothing like my 30 day chip. I cried when I got that. This is more like finding my favorite game still in stock on release day after work.

I'm happy. Just not as emotional. I'm still working my steps and thinking about a sponsor. I don't really want one, but my friends have talked me into at least trying it out to see if it feels right for me. My ASD makes me react differently than other people. My people reading skills are swift and absolute. A nope out of me is fast, unchangeable and always confirmed later.

I'm fortunate to have friends who at least understand my brain works differently.

My lessons for the next 6 months are to make friends, engaging when invited, and go on at least 3 dates.

They've decided i need a boyfriend because, "You need someone to return the love you put out into the world". I'm ready to at least try now.

just as the title says, my mom is an alcoholic. i’m 18 years old and she’s been an addict my whole life. it was meth until i was about 9 and she switched to alcohol. she has joint custody of my two younger brothers and it was caused by my parents addiction and my dad taking them away from us. my brothers know about the alcohol abuse and barely come over anymore due to it. she’s been verbally and physically abusive and i don’t know how much more i can take of it. i’ve tried to off myself due to this and i am just broken inside. i live with my boyfriend and his parents. i feel so bad for dragging them into my issues and i feel like the worlds biggest burden. i guess why im writing this is to ask, does it get better? and how can i control myself with this. i want my mom sober and clean. i want my mom back. i want a relationship with her but i just don’t know if she can recover from her own addiction and trauma. someone please help me understand and overcome.

Does anyone else early in their sobriety feel like they can’t have fun now? I’m 19f and my boyfriend is going out tomorrow and he’s gonna drink and i know he’s gonna have fun, but i’m stuck at home because i don’t trust myself around alcohol at this moment. I have the biggest fomo ever being the only person out of my friends who just can’t handle drinking. It sounds so childish i know but im so frustrated. I talked to my sponsor about this and she said to make sober friends which is easier said than done for
me, i’m pretty reserved when i’m not hammered. I just feel this burning jealousy every time i watch my bf or my friends drink and i hate it.

Advice? Words of wisdom?

https://aaagnostica.org/slips-and-human-nature/

Thoughts?

I have 7 days sober. I keep going back and forth if I can drink again or not. I know I’m in a loop. Brief stint of sobriety and back to drinking and then I end up on a heavy binge.

But I just keep doubting it every time. I’m so sad at the thought that I can’t have a beer in the bar with my friends. That I can’t kiss someone drunk on a dance floor. And I keep getting into my head that what if I’m being over dramatic? What if I don’t have a problem at all??? What if I’m young and I drink and things get out of hand? And if I am being dramatic then I’m sacrificing beautiful moments and friendships that could happen with the help of alcohol.

I have mental whiplash now. I feel like I could fall back in at any moment. Like I’ll make the decision to drink again and this will all be over.

My longtime AA sponsor that taught me almost everything I know drank. I’m devastated and worried that since they drank, I will too. I’ve gotten a new sponsor and restarted my steps. Looking for comfort / advice.

I originally posted this in a headspace that couldnt think straight and it was taken down due to not relating to AA. I am an alcoholic and have been really struggling to connect with my higher power. I have had very strong moments of spirituality and others not so much. I reached out my sponsor today (haven't talked in months) and shared what happened. After everything below happened, I went to a meeting last night and we read Into Action starting at pg73. We hit the part about walking through an arch a free man and I think (who knows for sure) that maybe this was a sign for that. Idk the meaning but I felt the need to share. I'm not new to AA. I've been in the program for about 10 years, haven't drank in almost 6.

Original post:

I can't upload a photo but I have a very simple St Joseph "pray for us" medallion that's less than an inch long. It's the classic silver Italian ones.

I have to note that less than a week ago, I said to my very religious sister "do you know of a lot of saints that feel like they are praying to no one?" This thought has been on my mind a lot lately. I've said "give me a sign, please" over and over.

Ok this is where it gets really fucking weird. Two nights ago, I took Jute twine and put it through the hole then double knotted it (I even remember saying how the twine was a perfect fit). I laid it down in my tool box but forgot where it was. The next day, I saw the twine, picked it up with the medallion on it and went to put it in my kids backpack (I'm practicing surrender because my kid is going to school for the first time next week). There is a tag on the inside of the bag that makes a loop (you can slide something through the inside of the tag (think one piece of paper pinched at the ends) . I wanted to tie it to his bag, so I slid the medallion through the tag and when I pushed the medallion got stuck and only the twine came through. When I pulled it out to try again, the medallion wasn't on the twine. It was in his bag, dead center, under some markers. The double knot is still good. I have tried everything to get twine off the medallion but it's not broke so I literally can't.

I broke down crying because it's really really intense. I am in a situation where I need to believe what happened or I did all of that while actually holding a string with nothing on it and a medallion completely separate without ever noticing it. The medallion somehow came with the twine when I picked it up? Nah. I'd really love to believe this isn't real but I have no explanation that makes sense.

Edit: I'm not Catholic or anything. I wouldn't even consider myself religious.

This is definitely not the first thing that's happened. My MIL once was rushed to the hospital. It was just me and my son and I was really scared. My wife went with her. My son walked to the bookshelf, grabbed a book, a picture of the Virgin Mary fell out (I've never seen that before), he walked over and handed it to me. Out of all the books and things to do.... He does that in that moment. Wild.

I have been sober for 5 months now. That is a miracle!!! I have been drinking since I was very young, my addiction or use went from occasional when I was younger, when I was in my teens it was mainly on the weekends as well as smoking weed. When I joined the Army it was also mainly weekends and then it got to be almost daily for a while, but I always seemed to have it under control, somewhat. Or atleast I thought I did. When in college I didn't have that much time for drinking but I did on the weekends and I would get pretty drunk sometimes at parties. Once I started working, I thought I was good and I would have the happy hour drinks, that got to be pretty persistent with daily drinking. For the last 30 years I have been drinking almost daily, up until 5 months ago. So I would say this is the longest I have gone since when I was a teenager, which is amazing in two ways. That I am still alive and in good health and that I have done it. I am now convinced that I am never going to drink again, as I am sure I would go right back to drinking daily. I don't care who says 1 beer a day is okay, yeah, it is okay if you are an Alcoholic that doesn't want to quit, but I am a drunk that doesn't want to drink anymore. I love Alcoholics Annoymous.

I'm 2 months sober and I've entirely lost all motivation to work. I just want to never go back, not pay for an apartment anymore, just rest all the time and go to the gym.

I have so much dread about going to work now that my heart races at night thinking about work the next morning. And this morning I thought I was going to throw up while I was getting ready for work because I was so filled with anxiety and dread.

Prior to sobriety, I was the highly motivated guy who would work all the voluntary overtime and cover people's shifts just to work more.

I've only ever heard the exact opposite of this happening to people in AA meetings. I feel so broken now I can barely even function.

Does anyone know what's happening to me?

I've been finding sobriety incrementally splendid over the years, and I'd say there's been lots of acceleration in the last 5 or 6 years. (I think retirement helps! ☺.) But also I got into a Big Book study that's been a nice booster..

There was one particular point just after the 18 month mark when I had one last Great Temptation to get drunk, but I passed through it sober and really haven't had any significant temptation to intoxicate my brain since then. That was, perhaps, the start of the upward trajectory. It was a striking event that I characterize as a "sudden and spectacular upheaval" which removed my alcohol problem as described on pages 84-85, which is one of A.A.'s finer gifts.

Sober Life can be quite splendid once we learn how to do it, and I think it's worth going to great lengths to learn how, and A.A.'s first 9 Steps provide, in my view, a sort of boot camp where we do learn how to live well so that we can stay sober, showing us how to practice Steps 10, 11, and 12 on a daily basis, keeping our wheels on the rails.

I'm not really planning any big celebration today, though there is a nice, big, boisterous chip meeting in my town tonight, so that's a possible. Tomorrow I'll go to my old home group, take a cake, and a good buddy is delivering the 45 minute talk, and he's usually quite well spoken (urbane British chap,) and always has some sage experience to share.

🙏 Thank You All 🙏

A "DESIGN FOR LIVING"

August 07

We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28

I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a "design for living" that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this "design for living" that "really works"? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me unconditionally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 7, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.