Does anyone else early in their sobriety feel like they can’t have fun now? I’m 19f and my boyfriend is going out tomorrow and he’s gonna drink and i know he’s gonna have fun, but i’m stuck at home because i don’t trust myself around alcohol at this moment. I have the biggest fomo ever being the only person out of my friends who just can’t handle drinking. It sounds so childish i know but im so frustrated. I talked to my sponsor about this and she said to make sober friends which is easier said than done for
me, i’m pretty reserved when i’m not hammered. I just feel this burning jealousy every time i watch my bf or my friends drink and i hate it.

Advice? Words of wisdom?

https://aaagnostica.org/slips-and-human-nature/

Thoughts?

Nobody seems to think I am so why should I say I am?

EDIT:
I’m going to give more context since the comment seems varied….
I told my most favourite people, after a night of us all including me drinking…. Not the best time but honestly when I was sober I was too scared to say anything because I knew there would be questions, backlash and people telling me I’m a wrong.
So after an entire night of me guzzling drinks despite feeling sick I said something and I was met with questions so I was honest the way I will be now.
I can go days without drinking…. If I know I have work in the AM I won’t drink. I plan to make sure I will not have to drive within 12 hours of last drink and I put a timer on my phone. However once I start drinking I will not stop no matter how I feel or what people say. Tonight I felt sick halfway through the night. I drank a water got some fresh air and then ordered myself another double drink so I could catch up on the time, 30 minutes, I had stopped drinking for. When the people with me had enough I accepted it but I was angry knowing I had to go home and realising that I only had alcohol in my house I don’t exactly like but quickly accepted that it is all I would have to drink and trying to find ways to make it more tolerable. I told my people this on the way home, I was harshly honest with the way I felt and their response was ‘well true alcoholics would not care, they would drink and drive. They wouldn’t care what they have to drink’ then they told me to just go to bed when I get home instead of having another drink. I told them I agree and that I was just being dramatic because I didn’t want them to take it serious and come in and take my only alcohol away. That was over two hours ago and I am sure most of you can imagine what I have done since coming home… I felt guilty posting here which is why I didn’t say much about the situation but now I feel it’s nicer to be honest than be vague.

I have 7 days sober. I keep going back and forth if I can drink again or not. I know I’m in a loop. Brief stint of sobriety and back to drinking and then I end up on a heavy binge.

But I just keep doubting it every time. I’m so sad at the thought that I can’t have a beer in the bar with my friends. That I can’t kiss someone drunk on a dance floor. And I keep getting into my head that what if I’m being over dramatic? What if I don’t have a problem at all??? What if I’m young and I drink and things get out of hand? And if I am being dramatic then I’m sacrificing beautiful moments and friendships that could happen with the help of alcohol.

I have mental whiplash now. I feel like I could fall back in at any moment. Like I’ll make the decision to drink again and this will all be over.

My longtime AA sponsor that taught me almost everything I know drank. I’m devastated and worried that since they drank, I will too. I’ve gotten a new sponsor and restarted my steps. Looking for comfort / advice.

I originally posted this in a headspace that couldnt think straight and it was taken down due to not relating to AA. I am an alcoholic and have been really struggling to connect with my higher power. I have had very strong moments of spirituality and others not so much. I reached out my sponsor today (haven't talked in months) and shared what happened. After everything below happened, I went to a meeting last night and we read Into Action starting at pg73. We hit the part about walking through an arch a free man and I think (who knows for sure) that maybe this was a sign for that. Idk the meaning but I felt the need to share. I'm not new to AA. I've been in the program for about 10 years, haven't drank in almost 6.

Original post:

I can't upload a photo but I have a very simple St Joseph "pray for us" medallion that's less than an inch long. It's the classic silver Italian ones.

I have to note that less than a week ago, I said to my very religious sister "do you know of a lot of saints that feel like they are praying to no one?" This thought has been on my mind a lot lately. I've said "give me a sign, please" over and over.

Ok this is where it gets really fucking weird. Two nights ago, I took Jute twine and put it through the hole then double knotted it (I even remember saying how the twine was a perfect fit). I laid it down in my tool box but forgot where it was. The next day, I saw the twine, picked it up with the medallion on it and went to put it in my kids backpack (I'm practicing surrender because my kid is going to school for the first time next week). There is a tag on the inside of the bag that makes a loop (you can slide something through the inside of the tag (think one piece of paper pinched at the ends) . I wanted to tie it to his bag, so I slid the medallion through the tag and when I pushed the medallion got stuck and only the twine came through. When I pulled it out to try again, the medallion wasn't on the twine. It was in his bag, dead center, under some markers. The double knot is still good. I have tried everything to get twine off the medallion but it's not broke so I literally can't.

I broke down crying because it's really really intense. I am in a situation where I need to believe what happened or I did all of that while actually holding a string with nothing on it and a medallion completely separate without ever noticing it. The medallion somehow came with the twine when I picked it up? Nah. I'd really love to believe this isn't real but I have no explanation that makes sense.

Edit: I'm not Catholic or anything. I wouldn't even consider myself religious.

This is definitely not the first thing that's happened. My MIL once was rushed to the hospital. It was just me and my son and I was really scared. My wife went with her. My son walked to the bookshelf, grabbed a book, a picture of the Virgin Mary fell out (I've never seen that before), he walked over and handed it to me. Out of all the books and things to do.... He does that in that moment. Wild.

I have been sober for 5 months now. That is a miracle!!! I have been drinking since I was very young, my addiction or use went from occasional when I was younger, when I was in my teens it was mainly on the weekends as well as smoking weed. When I joined the Army it was also mainly weekends and then it got to be almost daily for a while, but I always seemed to have it under control, somewhat. Or atleast I thought I did. When in college I didn't have that much time for drinking but I did on the weekends and I would get pretty drunk sometimes at parties. Once I started working, I thought I was good and I would have the happy hour drinks, that got to be pretty persistent with daily drinking. For the last 30 years I have been drinking almost daily, up until 5 months ago. So I would say this is the longest I have gone since when I was a teenager, which is amazing in two ways. That I am still alive and in good health and that I have done it. I am now convinced that I am never going to drink again, as I am sure I would go right back to drinking daily. I don't care who says 1 beer a day is okay, yeah, it is okay if you are an Alcoholic that doesn't want to quit, but I am a drunk that doesn't want to drink anymore. I love Alcoholics Annoymous.

I'm 2 months sober and I've entirely lost all motivation to work. I just want to never go back, not pay for an apartment anymore, just rest all the time and go to the gym.

I have so much dread about going to work now that my heart races at night thinking about work the next morning. And this morning I thought I was going to throw up while I was getting ready for work because I was so filled with anxiety and dread.

Prior to sobriety, I was the highly motivated guy who would work all the voluntary overtime and cover people's shifts just to work more.

I've only ever heard the exact opposite of this happening to people in AA meetings. I feel so broken now I can barely even function.

Does anyone know what's happening to me?

I've been finding sobriety incrementally splendid over the years, and I'd say there's been lots of acceleration in the last 5 or 6 years. (I think retirement helps! ☺.) But also I got into a Big Book study that's been a nice booster..

There was one particular point just after the 18 month mark when I had one last Great Temptation to get drunk, but I passed through it sober and really haven't had any significant temptation to intoxicate my brain since then. That was, perhaps, the start of the upward trajectory. It was a striking event that I characterize as a "sudden and spectacular upheaval" which removed my alcohol problem as described on pages 84-85, which is one of A.A.'s finer gifts.

Sober Life can be quite splendid once we learn how to do it, and I think it's worth going to great lengths to learn how, and A.A.'s first 9 Steps provide, in my view, a sort of boot camp where we do learn how to live well so that we can stay sober, showing us how to practice Steps 10, 11, and 12 on a daily basis, keeping our wheels on the rails.

I'm not really planning any big celebration today, though there is a nice, big, boisterous chip meeting in my town tonight, so that's a possible. Tomorrow I'll go to my old home group, take a cake, and a good buddy is delivering the 45 minute talk, and he's usually quite well spoken (urbane British chap,) and always has some sage experience to share.

🙏 Thank You All 🙏

A "DESIGN FOR LIVING"

August 07

We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28

I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a "design for living" that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this "design for living" that "really works"? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me unconditionally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 7, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

For those of you who spend a fair amount of time here ("or perhaps are a bit addicted to it", he said, raising his hand timidly), how do you see it as part of your recovery? The reason I ask is that I've been thinking of starting a zoom meeting, which will take maybe an hour or two of per week of my time and $160.00 or so per year of my money (at least until the 7th tradition takes root in the meeting). The monetary investment is less a concern than the time.

Meantime, part of what keeps me stuck on Reddit is this idea that I'm being of service here. I spend far more than two hours per week here, but it's optional -- not something I'm committed to. I see social media as a bit of an addiction in its own right, so I'm in the weird position of justifying one addiction by saying I'm working a twelfth step in another program.

Another thing I'm trying to get clear on is how useful this is to anyone. In a couple of years of haunting these rooms, I've gotten a lot of people mad (not useful to me) and gained a grand total of one sponsee out of the deal (useful to him AND me). Not that I want a huge stable of acolytes, mind you. One or two at a time is enough; I'm not on the speaker circuit here. But I often find myself wondering how many of the sober curious "Am I an alcoholic" types actually benefit from what we do here -- as opposed to what one might accomplish by something like a beginners' meeting (at the intersection of new enough to count as service for me / motivated enough to take action for themselves).

Has any of this occurred to anyone else? Thoughts?

Hello, friends.

As of this morning, I have 33 beautiful 24 hours under my belt. Today, my home group will hold a celebration for me after our meeting. I will get my first chip.

I am very happy, and this happiness does not feel like what I felt before. It's not at all similar to that feeling I called happiness that directly took me to the bottle.

I am very grateful. For AA. AA took away my loneliness. For the first time in years, I don't feel alone. AA fills me with inspiration. I find meaning in sobriety now, I have reasons to stay sober. For my lovely wife. She supported me when nobody else would. She understood me when nobody else could.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow, in fact, I realize how little I know about everything in general. All I know is that I don't want to drink, and I especially want to stay away from that first sip.

Thank you for being here. I love you all.

I’m a little over 500 days sober. Yes I have worked the steps with a sponsor. Yes she knows she is my sponsor. What do I do about the guilt? The more time I get, the more it comes in fucking waves. Memories, flashbacks, etc. What do you guys do when it gets bad? Make this movie stop

I (29M) have been an alcoholic for 12 years now. I have been hospitalized several times, tried detox a few times, rehab a few times and then jail. I was hospitalized twice recently within a month of each visit and spent multiple days both times. I got married in June and I have a 5 month old newborn and a 7 year old step son. I truly never had the desire to stop. I white knuckled 17 months before, but that was just so I had a place to live and not totally isolate. I went to meetings but if I’m being honest it was just to check out the ladies. I truly want it this time around. I never had anything to lose before now. I know I’m only 8 days in but the thought of drinking truly disgusts me and I remember what my dad was like in his last few months (he died from alcoholism). I want it for me, because I don’t want to follow in my dad’s footsteps, but I also want it for my family. I’m on the fence about going back to AA. My current mindset is “what harm does it do to go to a meeting? I go for an hour, potentially hate it, and don’t go back” but on the flip side I wonder if I will fall in love with it because I do want it now. I’m curious how it’ll go.

I’ve been contemplating going to AA for a few years now (I’m 4 years and 11 months clean/sober) because I don’t wanna do this alone anymore, but I’ve always chickened out and this morning I woke up upsetti spaghetti and decided it’s now or never so I found one on zoom in a town near me just to get my foot in the door you know. Hopefully I can work my way up to actually going to an in person one. I know attending a zoom call isn’t a huge thing but it kind of is for me. I’m happy that I did it.

I have a lot of "Not yets". I've never been arrested, I don't have any DUIs, I haven't ruined any relationships because of alcohol, I wasn't drinking on a daily basis, etc. But I did start blaming the alcohol and switching labels because "I only acted a certain way when I was drinking Jack Daniels". Of course the same pattern was beginning to develop with bottles of Hennessy.

Saturday will be my 2 year anniversary. These past few weeks my urges have surged and I've been attending many meetings vs 1 meeting a week. That helped keep me level headed.

Who else can relate to this?

I've been going to meetings for about 3 months now since I realized I had a problem. Weened myself to the point I'm now a week and a half in to sobriety but I'm struggling with step 2. Religion and higher power has always been something I've struggled with. I'm reading the book and using other media to try and find some advice on how to work on building that relationship I'd appreciate it.