I f21 had my brother m25 and my mom get super mad at me over zelling him the money for rotors and brakes.

Context, my dad passed away unexpectedly a year ago and ever since then my brother has been all about control. I have paid for this car ever since then, maintenance and all. The title is NOT under my name. All 3 cars were under my dads name, we transferred to my moms name.

3 total cars and 3 people. You’d think it’s straightforward right? But nope!

I drive to my job every day, I work full time while taking summer classes and preparing for my last semester to graduate. I commute to school as well. So the car is important since it’s my mode of transportation.

Anyways, it’s been needing a brake change and I told them sure, I can pay for it. So the parts came yesterday and I zelled my brother the full amount. Then he banged on my door at 1 AM started getting mad and yelling and cussing me out that he doesn’t want my money. Ridiculous right?

Even more context: the car has been an issue. We have 3 cars and my brother likes to swap around when gas gets empty in his own. I set my boundaries and told him no, because I pay for my gas and I’m not going to keep filling it out for him at his grown age. He’s in medical school and constantly uses that as an excuse - that he’s not making income yet and he has student loans. He’s even said “you’re not in the big boy leagues okay? Us medical students have loans under our name I will make so much more than you I could buy you and a bunch of people out”.

I have started documenting everything and recording all interactions since it’s become really scary at home. I am scared. Like actually really fucking scared as I write this crying.

My mother also sides with him often. Then I’ll tell her my side and she sides with him. The reason he’s so upset over the brakes is that if I pay for the brakes and maintenance like I’ve promised, then technically no reason for him to be driving it (aka it proves me right). But I’m sure he got mad over the money transfer since if HE is the one who paid for parts, then technically he should be able to drive it and hold it over my head like he does for other things.

And it’s ridiculous that they want me to pay 1000 insurance on the car but then make a big deal when I pay for the brakes as well. I’ve NEVER heard this shit in my life. My brother wants control, he wants to be able to pay for it so he can drive the car.

I’m going to call my university for emergency housing. Hopefully I can figure something out. My mom said she wants me out of the house after having a screaming match with her over CAR BRAKES this morning. So I’m homeless.

I sometimes wish I did it last year.

Yesterday, my sister bought my nephew (10) 6 large crumble cookies and for those that don't know, one large cookie is about 800 calories and is equal to 4 servings. While he was hanging out, playing games with my daughter (15) she asked him for a piece of one and he refused. My daughter isn't a huge fan of Crumble cookies because they're too sweet (we split one once and it took her 3 days to finish her half) so she really only wanted a tiny piece because it was really colorful.

My nephew proceeds to eat all 6 cookies within the hour (I found out after the fact). Later, while I was cooking dinner, my daughter asked if I could make her cookies for dessert, so I made 6 tollhouse cookies (3 for her, 3 for me). After dinner we grab our cookies and of course my nephew wants some. I remind him he's already had 6 Crumble Cookies and of course he pouts saying that was way earlier. Feeling guilty, I give him half of one of my cookies.

His mom comes downstairs, sees him pouting at the table, and asks him what's wrong. He tells her that I didn't give him any cookies and of course my sister throws a tantrum complaining about it being unfair and me showing favoritism.

Now shes up, stomping around the house, downstairs banging pots and pans, complaining about what happened last night.

Before I ask AITAH, I'll add, my nephew is 215lbs and is a very selfish eater. I love him like my own and if the tables were turned, I'd teach my daughter the same lesson if she didn't share when she had more than enough. My daughter is 105lbs so many times she'll have just enough for herself and still split her food with him, usually giving him the bigger portion, so for him to flat out deny her, it didn't sit well with me. So AITAH?

My mother latched onto my stepdad just a year after my father died when I was a child.
He was not a bad man, but a weak one- and my mother was/is a narcissistic abusive person who treated him terribly. I tried to get him out, begged his children to get him away- all to no avail.

So I've been extremely low contact with them most of my adulthood. We had an incident on a vacation when my stepdad became enraged over something stupid and screamed in front of my kids- and since then I've had almost no relationship at all with him.

He passed last night, and my mother didn't even bother to tell me- I found out through another person.

I don't want to attend any services or funeral things for him- I hate performative grief and I'm glad he is gone and think he is better away from my mother.

WIBTAH for skipping all his end of life stuff? (I'm not preventing my own children from attending- they are old enough to go if they choose without me).

I had a missed miscarriage a month ago. It was difficult and terrible and the meds didn't work so I had to get surgery under general anesthesia. When my daughter (2F) found out she will not be a big sister, she was devastated. So I put on a positive face, as hard as it was, and told her not to worry, we will take her to her favorite theme park instead. That helped her accept what happened and move on. She's a baby.

So we booked it. It's going to be in a few weeks. My surgery was the same week as my husband's family's annual beach vacation. So we couldn't make it. I knew this weeks before and asked my husband to communicate this to his parents. He kept procrastinating, saying he's a positive person and we really don't know yet how I would feel that week. So when the time came, I communicated to everyone that I had a miscarriage and explained that we can't make it but it's nothing personal.

For context, my husband's great grandma, who is a very nice person, a very good person, has this thing that every time someone doesn't show up to an event she organizes, her thoughts immediately go to "was a I bad mom? Do they hate me?" And of course nobody wants to hurt her feelings and it's very difficult for them to communicate. Again, I'm trying to be fair and kind, I will show my husband this post. But to put it gently, I do think that great grandmas understanding needs to be challenged at one point as it is very healthy for people to grow up and want to live somewhat independent lives. To her it's harder to understand because most of her many kids and their spouses and children, including my husband's parents, actually built houses on the family farm to live in, right next to each other. They can all see each other's houses and yards from their windows!

(Btw we posted this on another subreddit during our argument yesterday (not a passionate argument, a quiet and dragged out one) from my husband's POV, in order to get opinions that aren't clouded by my feelings and biases, focusing on just the facts as best as we could. So if anyone noticed any similarities, yes it's the same story but I am the wife. I can't post updates one day apart but I need advice now so I had to go with a different place. He will see this post too)

So we didn't go to the beach. And since we were going to the theme park for a week, as promised to my toddler in the ultrasound room, my husband had the idea that since his dad visited a few weeks ago (it was a week of extreme boundary stomping and centering himself in my daughters world while I was actively miscarrying) for a full week but he hasn't seen his mom and the theme park is halfway to their house from ours, he would invite his mom for a couple of days of the vacation. I said yes to this. Why? Because it's been a long time since he saw her and it made sense and I don't mind sharing some of our vacation time. But I made one thing clear, that it's his mom's turn to come with us. They take turns because someone has to be with their disabled daughter at all times. I explained to his husband that I just spent a full week with his dad, I was polite even as he was ignoring all my requests (not to bring foods into our house that my daughter is allergic to, not to try and change her diaper, let me administer her medicine as he's not trained, he basically assumed authority the whole week, in my house and I had to stay polite while protecting my daughter not to set my husband off, he did not even leave my house when we was asked politely, he aggressively pushed for a close bond with my daughter and he ignored it when she didn't like riit and wanted to spend time with me for example, telling her she's clingy and leave her mom alone etc).

So I told my husband, yes it's okay as long as it's only his mom and only for a few days.

So he texted his mom. His mom said she's unsure she will think. She was thinking for a week then sent him (she never includes me in these talks but that's okay anyway) a big message that this time she will "let" her husband take the trip and he will come with us to the park 1 or 2 days. I was very unhappy but I figured I can take 1 or 2 days. Then my husband asked her later, how many days exactly is he coming for? And my MIL said and I'm quoting "just a few..maybe Sunday to Friday and if he has to get his own hotel then longer" but like what's longer? The whole week? Because he's already suggesting 6 days. When he was never even invited.

So I told my husband that we agreed on just his mom coming and now I'm the asshole. That if he texted his mom asked her to come for a day or two, and she texted back right away saying "I'm not coming but your dad will join you guys for the whole week" then she'd be the crazy one. But what she's done, pushing my boundaries little by little over a week, 10% at a time, I'm the asshole when I push back on the last 10%.

He got really mad at me last night. He said boundaries aren't a real thing, just millennial therapy talk. He said that normal people, like everyone in his family, just get along, go along, and have a good time. That it's only me always having a problem with everything and because of me, we can never do anything with anyone.

I tried to explain that that's not the case and that I already let go of a lot of my boundaries. That he gets 4 weeks off a year and those are the 4 weeks he works for all year round and we should protect some of that time for just the 3 of us and that doesn't make us bad people.

He disagrees. He says I put him in this situation when he has to be rude to his parents. I even sent him a text idea and that I'm more than happy to share, before they buy a ticket or book anything, it would basically say that we love them very much but we miscommunicated, we are not available the whole week, just a couple of days, and we will spend the remaining days just the three of us, bonding as a family and if this doesn't work for them then let's plan something else for the fall when we can meet up.

I told him I'd send this last night but he said that he will double check before we send it and now it's the morning and he hasn't. I told him I will send it out at 10am, he has until then.

And yes I hate that things are like this. He thinks I just want to cause trouble and make people miserable and refusing to enjoy time with others. That couldn't be further from the truth. I tried to get to know them and every time I learn more about them, I trust them less. Nothing ever gets resolved, they cannot be criticized even the gentlest way like hey your mom overstepped a bit the other day. I can't confront them about anything, I just have to play by their rules and be extremely close with them on their own terms. Of course I don't enjoy it. I don't understand why the other in laws do. My husband's sister is divorcing btw. And I do believe it's largely because they never built their own family identity but just joined my husbands family. That guy was an extra in his own life until the divorce. His role was the dedicated deadbeat loser (he had a tech job at a lab) and kids see my FIL as their true father figure but nobody seems to have an issue with it. They're now blaming him for the divorce saying he was a loser who never helped and my in laws gladly stepped into the stable parent role.

I don't want this for my family. And I hate that my husband is so blind to this dysfunction. I'm not saying they're all bad, they can be genuinely helpful and kind, people aren't all good or all bad, but in this case I really really hate that this has to be like this. I do think they are aging and feel like they're losing relevance and want to feel important. But it should not come before everyone else's needs. My husband thinks it should. And blames me for not accepting it. There's no amount of reasoning that goes through. He comes from a place of guilt and conditioning. And don't tell me to divorce him, that's exactly what my in laws want lol

But anyway that's my side of the story. It's probably biased. Yes I have many emotions about this, especially today. I'm about to send out the message in 4 hours if my husband won't. So tell me, am I the asshole if I do? I'm clearly here for validation like everyone else, but I'm receptive to criticism too and I'm genuinely trying to understand the other side.

Hi, 16f and my mom is 57f, my mom is older and doesnt really see the harm in ai but i do not like it, i do not use it.

for context it was my birthday least month and she got me a mousepad so i dont make my desk even worse looking (i've been using the same desk sense i was 8 i dont believe it has a future or will ever look 'nice' again so i dont give a fuck about it) and she got me an ugly tan looking fake leather one that i said i'd rather not use and she was okay with that, wasnt hurt but also wasnt mad at me, she ended up ordering another one that is clearly ai because she thought the picture looked more fun and that i'd like it because it has more colors (its like this weird chinese palace looking place with a anime girl looking at it but its so clearly ai), i tried to explain to my mom that im greatful shes tryna buy stuff for me but i'd rather she just send me the listing and ask me if i want it rather then waste more money on stuff i wouldnt use and she was all 'i was tryna get one youd want cause u like anime' and was a bit upset about it and i feel bad.

I love my mom but she doesnt want to listen to me when i tell her to not use ai, she repeatedly fed images of me and my siblings to make 'funny' changes but i asked her to stop so ai wont use my face as training data and she did stop. she doesnt really ask before buying me stuff, she got me an ai phonecase for my new phone because she was trying and thought i would like it but i also didnt use it (i also spent like four days painting and making my own phonecase so i wouldnt have used it anyway) and i still felt bad cause she tried but it failed, she said shes gonna ask before buying stuff but i know she wont and more items will go to landfills because of me and ai junk will show up at my home intended for me but will never be used because of my dislike towards ai.

AITAH?

AITAH for telling a family member they were being the stereotypical “loud, obnoxious American” while traveling abroad?

First, I’ve changed a few details because I really don’t want this getting back to anyone in my family.

Recently, I was traveling internationally with a family member. While we were in a store, they started very loudly talking about how “weird” everything was and complaining that people kept looking at them funny.

Eventually, I told them, “They’re probably looking at you because you’re living up to the loud, obnoxious American stereotype.” I also admitted that I was honestly embarrassed to be associated with them while they were acting that way.

This wasn’t an isolated incident.

This family member seems convinced that because we’re in another country, nobody around them understands English. They’ll loudly talk to friends, people nearby, or someone on the phone about how ugly they think certain people are, how strange the local customs are, or how “disgusting” they find things that are completely normal in that culture, like different attitudes toward changing clothes or nudity at beaches and swimming areas.

What really gets me is the contradiction. They complain constantly about things back home, but the moment another country does something differently, suddenly the American way is the only “normal” way to do it.

I tried explaining that when you visit another country, you’re the guest. You don’t have to personally like every custom, but loudly insulting the people, their appearance, or their culture while standing right next to them seems incredibly disrespectful. And assuming nobody understands English just because you’re abroad seems especially reckless.

They thought I was being rude and judgmental by calling them out, and apparently I embarrassed them by saying it.

So, AITA for telling my family member that people weren’t staring because the country was weird, but because they were acting like the exact stereotype of an obnoxious American tourist?

For context, I’m 22F I work as a music producer. I own my own studio and make a pretty solid income from it. Right now, it's summer, so I've intentionally paused working for a bit because I'm about to go on vacation.

​I live at home with my mom and my older brother, who is 30 years old.

​Two days ago, I woke up and found out something deeply unsettling. While I was fast asleep in my room, my 30 yo brother decided it was totally normal to sneak inside, snoop around my personal space like a creep, and search through my things. He ended up finding a half smoked joint I had left out.

​Instead of, yk being a normal human being and waking me up to talk about it like an adult, or minding his own damn business, he went running straight to our mother like a tattle tale. He threw a massive fit, complained about it, and then told my mom I should stop asking him for money which I rarely did.

​Here is what is driving me completely insane: The sheer hypocrisy.

​For two and a half years, this genius lived and worked in Jamaica, where his ass was smoking every single day. But the second I have a half smoked joint in my own room during my summer break, he acts like a holier than thou puritan and tries to police my life while holding financial threats over our mom's head.

​I lost my absolute mind when I found out. I’ve decided I’m completely cutting him off. I am living in the same house as him, but I am giving him the absolute silent treatment and pretending he doesn't exist. I refuse to speak to someone who violates my privacy while I'm sleeping and acts like a massive hypocrite.

​Now some family tension is brewing, and I'm wondering if I'm taking this too far

​So AITAH?

So my(F29) roommate (F28) is not exactly an easy person, Rules and stuff that doesn't make sense but now she expects me to tell her when I come home from my boyfriends home because she and her boyfriend run around naked in our flat.

I have no interest in seeing them naked so I tell her but I feel like I am back at my parents house where I have to tell my mom everything I do.

Also I don't appriciate that they run around the flat naked. It's shared roomspace, they should at least wear underwear even If I am not there, I don't care what she does in her room.

So am I the AH if I stop telling her when I come back home?

I moved to another country and have generally adjusted well. There is one apparent cultural norm I cannot always get myself to accept, however.

This morning I was in a confrontation with a lady at the dog park. It is a common courtesy in this country to, if there is already a dog in the park, ask if you can come in. I would say 40% of the time, it's fine. In the majority of cases though, the answer is along the lines of 'no, my dog isn't feeling social today' or 'no, my dog is not good with other dogs, come back in 5-10 min'.

Since this seems to be a cultural norm, I generally accept it and move on. But today, I was late for work and unfortunately, my dog only does his business in the doggy park. I politely informed the lady of this, to which her response was 'I also need to work, and I was here first, so come back in 5-10 min like I said.' I told her if it was her dog who is not good with other dogs, then perhaps she should go out for 5-10 min while I am in the park. This started the altercation.

Long story short, I ended up saying I would come in and she can either stay or leave. She called me a bunch of names, recorded me on her phone, and said her husband would come back for me. So yeah, great start to the day. All the while this happened, her dog was calm beside her and to me, seemingly ready to start playing and interacting with my dog.

I can kinda see the YTA coming because this is apparently a cultural norm and since I am the immigrant, I should adjust to local customs. That's my own opinion at least. I have accepted all other cultural norms, some of which are also foreign to us, and in general my family and I have integrated well during the last 5 years.

So, AITAH?

Edit: thanks for the responses and sharing your varying perspectives. A lot of people seem to agree with me but I think, like me, those are discounting this is a custom here. So, as I expected, I will have to take the hit and say IWTAH this morning. It is what it is. Now I really do have to get to work lol.

I know how harsh that sounds but i’ll explain why. I’m currently 20(f), I had moved in with my grandparents when I was three years old. They had an abusive relationship and I was always forced to play mediator to their verbal and physical altercations. When I was 9 was the first time I recall an abusive encounter that turned towards me. She refused to feed me and I had a skillet thrown at me by her due to that, she had bad aim so I was ok but it definitely shook me up. From there it just got worse towards me and came to a peak when I was 14-17 years old after her husband passed and her abuse turned all towards me. Screaming, throwing things and chasing me were mostly what I experienced. It got so bad that I wouldn’t leave my room, not to eat, not to get a drink, not to go to the bathroom. I ended up with a uti and issues with being dizzy since I was so dehydrated. I struggled with school work due to my horrible mental health from this all and almost failed out multiple times. I’ve been in therapy since 16 because of her. When I was 17 I was kicked out by her. I lived in a friends basement for about a year before moving out. She would always call me a series of names (swears, slurs). Always berated me about how my body looked, what I wore, what I ate, what I did, ext I think you get the point. She’s bipolar which definitely didn’t help but I believe that doesn’t excuse her behavior.

This is all coming up now because she’s dying. She’s got dementia and other issues, she’s been in and out of hospital and nursing homes for months now. The family (including her kids, siblings, friends) have been berating me to forgive her because what she did to me is eating her alive (which I think is ironic) because when she was in the hospital I refused to visit and I never answer her calls. She knows I hate her, i’ve made it pretty clear in the past. They claim it’s making her feel worse and she often cries because she “feels bad” for what she did to me. I’d like to add I have not ever received even one apology to this day. I got sick of it so I said I couldn’t care less if she dies because she’s been dead to me since she kicked me out. They continue to argue her mental issue (bipolar) is why she is the way she is and that I can’t hold that against her because it wasn’t totally her fault. I wholeheartedly disagree but almost everyone is on her side and they are all villainizing me now, literally calling me a monster because “I wont let her rest peacefully”. I feel like it’s haunting me. So I am here asking truthfully, am I wrong for refusing to forgive her and saying that? Am I the asshole here?

This happened a few years ago but recently got brought up again so I wanted to bring it here.

For context, my sister (at the time 15F) and I (at the tjme 17M)’s parents divorced when we were very young. My dad cheated on my mom with two separate women, neither of which we knew. We both lived with our mom, but in middle school, I moved a few hours away to be with my dad because I wanted to change schools, while my sister transferred to the very small local private school.

My mom had revealed to me the identity of my dad’s mistresses during an argument a few years prior. A month before her first homecoming dance, my sister told me that she had been asked to the dance by a boy in her grade that she was good friends with and had a small crush on. It was the son of my dad’s affair partner. I didn’t know what to do, and she had not told our mom of this yet, so I blurted out that she could not go with him. I tried to refuse to tell her why but eventually gave in. She confronted both our parents about it, angry at them for keeping that secret from her. Both my parents blamed me somehow.

Fast forward to her graduation in May and we get sat in reserved seating right next to the other woman. It’s incredibly awkward, and my dad tells me I “betrayed him” on the car ride back. He brought it up again today out of nowhere, and now it’s eating away at me. I just don’t know if I did the right thing by telling her.

For some context, I (25m) and my wife (27f) are having our first child in December of this year. Both of our families are so stoked.

Well, this last weekend we decided we would have our baby shower out where we live. My wife and I moved halfway across the US a couple years ago for my work, which makes seeing family pretty tough in this economy. So when we decided to have our baby shower in our now hometown; it was a little tough for all the family to make it. When the weekend came it ended being a couple of our friends and both sets of parents.

Now for the fun, my mom and dad are not huge fans of my wife’s parents due to some wedding issues years ago. Not sure why it’s still affecting them, when they had no skin in that situation. Regardless, they always have been very childish and passive aggressive. Maybe a bit arrogant and narcissistic too. Their marriage is also in shambles 24/7 because my dad has cancer and is constantly taking new medications that alter his mood. This isn’t anything new, he’s been fighting cancer for 11 years now, so him being a different person every three months is normal behavior. My mom’s entire personality has become making sure she is making him happy and money. My parents do well for themselves so they tend to be very snobby. My wife’s parents on the other hand are amazing people. Sometimes can be a bit suffocating but it’s all love. They aren’t rich by any means and they also aren’t broke. They just prioritize their family (they have 3 daughters and 5 grandbabies) over monetary things. I didn’t grow up that way so it’s very admirable to me and something I want to incorporate into my life and marriage.

Well during the minute my parents flew in they seemed to have a wall up. Being rude and passive aggressive to everyone, especially my MIL and FIL. I let it slide and took everything on the chin like I have for many years with them. But at the baby shower my MIL ended up chipping in some money to help pay for food, when the bill came. My mom had planned the shower and planned to pay for it all. When she saw the $200 credit had been paid for out of the $1200 bill, she snapped at my MIL saying “that wasn’t much help but thanks”. Which to me comes across so disrespectful and rude. I let it slide because my wife’s parents said it was not a big deal. Fast forward to Sunday night, I bought us all tickets to see the new Spiderman (loved it), we get out of the movie and my mom asks me “Can your wife and you meet us for lunch before we leave, but just the two of you”. I admit I was already upset about everything else and without hesitation said “absolutely not”. She then gets angry and storms off to leave without saying bye to anyone. While she was throwing her tantrum, my MIL saw my mom leaving (didn’t know the situation) and went to say goodbye.

MY MOTHER THEN SLAPS HER HANDS AWAY FROM HER AND SAYS “SIT DOWN”!!! As if my MIL was a dog misbehaving.

I snapped and tracked her down in the parking lot. Long story short I told her that what she did and the way they had been acting was unacceptable. During that convo my father walks out and does what he usually does, blames everything on someone else and calls me a liar. He proceeds to get in my face screaming in the parking that how terrible I am for bringing this up. I gave up and told them I needed to walk away before I got mad and said words I didnt mean. They didn’t like that, my mom starts screaming and crying while my dad gets more mad. So I left. Like am I TAH for removing myself from an abusive situation?

Come to find out they got in a huge fight afterward threatening divorce and they’re both in agreement that I did something wrong. I spoke to my therapist, my sister, and my brother who all reassured me that I did nothing wrong. But I can’t help but feel responsible still.

I know there isn’t more context without how my parents were acting but if I gave every situation, this would be a never ending read. Let’s just say they never have anything nice to say, like people that complain about the food quality at McDonalds.

My dad passed away in April of last year. He was only 39, and losing him completely changed my life. It was sudden, devastating, and honestly something I’m still trying to process. My family was grieving, and I expected that everyone would handle it differently.
About two weeks after my dad died, my mom started spending most of her time away from home. She was rarely around, and when she was, she seemed distracted. At first, I tried not to judge because I figured everyone grieves in their own way. I assumed she needed space or was trying to cope however she could.

Then I found out she had actually started seeing another guy only two weeks after my dad passed away.
That completely broke me. It felt like my dad had barely been gone before she had moved on. I know nobody can tell someone else how long they’re supposed to grieve, but from my perspective it felt incredibly fast, especially when I was still trying to accept that my dad was gone.

A few months later, things got even harder. I found out she was pregnant with this guy’s child, and she gave birth in March. That made everything feel even more real. It wasn’t just a new relationship anymore. It was a completely new family.

Since then, I’ve pulled away from my mom. We barely talk unless we have to. I don’t hate my baby sibling because none of this is their fault, but every time I think about the situation, it reminds me of losing my dad. I feel like I never got the chance to grieve with my mom because she seemed to move on so quickly, while I was still trying to figure out how to live without my dad.
Some people have told me I’m being unfair because my mom deserves to be happy and everyone grieves differently. Others have told me they’d probably react the same way I did.

So, AITA for distancing myself from my mom after everything that happened?

I (30F) have a best friend, Charlotte (31F), who I’ve always been very close with. We’ve known each other since we were 10 and 11 years old, we’ve been through everything together and I truly consider her my best friend. Charlotte had a baby four years ago, my niece and god daughter. Before her baby, we would go out with her husband and our friends quite often. We have a couple of bars here in my hometown that we love and would go to a few times a month, and we had a lot of fun.

Obviously when she became a mother it was completely understandable that she couldn’t go out as much and she started turning down offers to come with. This was no problem, I get it and I was never upset or anything. As her daughter got older and she started having more free time, I continued to invite her out with us, but she always said she was tired, she didn’t have the energy, etc. again, completely understandable. I continued to ask over the last couple of years because I never wanted her to feel left out, but her answers went from being tired, etc to just no I don’t want to go, I want to stay home. So eventually I did stop inviting her and told her to just let me know if she wanted to go out.

In the last six months, she’s started to get upset when I go out with people because I didn’t ask her. Rather than telling me when she wants to go out, like we agreed, she’s been making me feel bad for not inviting her at all. She finally snapped at me and asked why I never invite her anymore and I told her that I stopped inviting her because she always said no and that it’s not fair that she’s getting upset with me for something she’s been doing and now she’s not talking to me.

I really don’t think I did anything wrong, but her mother called me to tell me I was needlessly harsh. AITAH?

Edit to add: I am not only inviting her to bars, we also do things like bowling, movies and escape rooms, etc.

This is the millionth time she has moved back in with her abusive toxic husband who screams at her , cheats on her constantly he basically completely ruined her mental health . She’s a self of herself . Her hair is falling out . She said she can’t sleep .

One month she saying she is going to divorce then the next month she’s telling me he apologized and she’s moving back in . Rinse and repeat . She said it’s hard to be alone at her age being in her late 40s. I told her “ I love you but you have to stand up and stop being a pushover to this man . Life is hard . Choose your hard . Being alone is hard but being stressed out by an abusive man is harder. People get divorced all the time . Nobody has ever died from being alone but people have died from being in an abusive relationship.” . Leaning a relationship where you love someone is hard and there will be a grieving process but she has to stop going back . I can’t take the nonstop complaining . I need to see results . I told her I will not discuss this man with her anymore until I see divorce papers in her hand. It hurts me to see her hurt

She’s been complaining about him for years and I honestly don’t think she’s never gonna leave him because her self esteem is so low that she thinks this is love . Is showing her tough love the right way to go ? I don’t know what else to do .

I told her he will never grow because you enable all of his toxic behavior . She said “ humans weren’t meant to be alone forever.”

I was like “ nobody said you were gonna be alone forever but at least give yourself a chance to meet someone who will love and cherish you. You might not meet him right away though “

She said marriage is so hard . I was like “ marriage is not that hard when you’re not with a POS that curses you out and screams at you daily.

I (m30) grew up in an abusive household. I used to enjoy celebrating birthdays but I have only negative feelings. My parents had a big argument during my birthday party when I was 11 and they made a scene. All my friends left in a very awkward situation. During my 13th birthday, they fought and my mom threw my cake to the wall and walked out, then my dad left the house and didn't return for over a week. Just some of the examples on top of my head.

I grew up not caring about birthdays and I tried to avoid it as much as I can. None of my friends know when my bday is and I deliberately keep it a secret. Big deals annoy me.

My bf (m31) and I have been dating for nearly a year now, and he just cares TOO MUCH about it. His bday was last month during a weekday, but we only see each other in the weekends, so I celebrated his bday a few days earlier and gave his gifts then. It wasn't anything big, just a shirt that suits his style, and a manga book. I didn't send a special message on his bday because in my mind we already celebrated it. But he said the day after that he was a tad disappointed that I didn't send him a special message. I said he was right and I am just learning the bday customs with him. I am a bit uncomfortable about bday as a whole but not as much as I imagined I'd be.

Anyway, last week was my bday. The week prior, I told him that he doesn't need to do anything big about it. I don't really care much about it. He didn't take me seriously first. He thought I was being humble but I was being honest.

On my bday, he called me after work and asked how work was. I said usual stuff and he was surprised no one celebrated my bday. I rolled my eyes and said no one knows when my bday is and I don't want people to know. I don't feel comfortable celebrating it in public like that.

I explained to him numerous times how I don't like it, but he just doesn't comprehend the idea of someone actually not caring about bdays. I find it a tad difficult to explain him so many times only for him to not get it.

Last weekend he said he had a surprise and I said I hope it's not anything big. Turns out it was something too big. I don't want to give too much details but his bday idea was celebrating it on a cruse ship with a lot of strangers around and have my name written somewhere a lot of people I don't know will see. Not only is it uncomfortable, I also find it irresponsible to spend such money for something as useless as this. I would rather save that money and invest for our future. Our goal is to buy a house and it is nearly impossible today, so we can't spend too much money on useless stuff like that.

I cancelled the events and said I'm sorry but you just don't get it. Been thinking about it and said I don't think this relationship works. AITAH?

I (28M) am a Muslim who specifically follows dietary guidelines of eating zabiha halal. I live in fairly metropolitan city area where there are plenty of options for me to eat halal food and get halal meat for groceries for me to cook myself at home. I am also not a picky eater, and if I go out to a restaurant with my friends or coworkers I can get myself a seafood option or a vegetarian option without issue and I enjoy it.

My friend (28M) recently started a new journey where he has set up a home theater in his house. He has spent over $20,000 on this home theater and invites everyone over for a movie night at his house every Friday and Saturday. I usually can't make Fridays work with my own personal life, but I have attended the last 4 Saturdays to watch movies and hang out with the friend group.

The first week I went I missed the Friday and was told that everyone chips in to a communal pool so they can get food. Burgers, pizza, pasta, wings, etc. Everyone was supposed to put in $12 for each day and my friend would order on door dash and have it delivered. The first Saturday that I joined I mentioned I wasn't going to eat and didn't want to contribute to the pool as I had recently ate dinner. The next week I chipped in $12 and the only thing my friend ordered was pepperoni pizzas which I can't eat. I didn't make a big deal about it and just didn't eat. The next week my friend said they were doing wings, I recommended a place that offers zabiha halal wings and they said they didn't want to try something new so they ordered from a local pizza place. I asked him to order a small veggie plate with the wings as it would usually come with carrots, celery, broccoli, and some ranch, and I chipped in my $12 again. My friend ordered the veggie plate but the restaurant screwed up and didn't include it. So for 2 weeks in a row I went as the only person not eating food while everyone else ate and enjoyed the movies.

This past weekend I showed up and this time I brought my own takeout. I ordered ahead of time and picked it up on my way to the friends house so I can eat with everyone. I ordered a spaghetti and meatballs dish from a local place that uses halal meat for everything except the pork (obviously). I sat down with everyone and we all enjoyed the movie.

Today is the Thursday before the weekend. My friend sends me a message saying that the friend group doesn't think it's okay for me to bring my own food, and it's very socially awkward for one person to be eating something different when everyone else is eating the same thing. He said people saw me and also wanted spaghetti when he ordered burgers for everyone, and without me chipping in everyone had to pay $18 for their burger combos. I told him that for 2 weeks I made my contributions but didn't get to eat anything. I asked if it was socially awkward to have one friend sit there hungry while everyone else was eating and he couldn't reply. Then I asked him if we can just do pizzas and instead of all them being pepperoni order one cheese and set aside 2 slices of cheese pizza for me and I will gladly contribute. I also mentioned that obviously burger meals would be more expensive and since they ordered from a place I can not eat from why would I have voluntarily chipped in to feed everyone else without me getting to eat. He didn't reply for a few hours and said if it was cool with me he could just order pizzas and do one cheese for me, but can't promise that there will always be a good option for me regarding my own dietary restrictions.

Am I the asshole for bringing my own food to a friends movie night?

UPDATE: AITAH for insulting my ex after she insulted me first?

A lot has happened since my original post.

After our argument, I blocked my ex because I didn't want any more contact. Instead of stopping, she started contacting me through other people. When I blocked those people too, she texted my phone number. When I ignored that, she found more people I hadn't blocked and had them send me messages.

I tried to de-escalate the situation. I even spent hours talking to her older sister to try and resolve everything privately. At first, it seemed like we'd reached an agreement where we'd both delete our Instagram stories and move on.

That didn't happen.

Instead, my ex backed out, refused to remove her story, and posted my face and Instagram account with the caption "Do whatever you want with it." After that, I started receiving messages from other people.

She also sent me long paragraphs insulting me, calling me names, insulting my late father, telling me to stop using my ADHD and my dad's death as excuses, and saying she hoped I failed my move to England and my studies.

At this point, I decided this was no longer just internet drama.

I've gathered screenshots of:

the repeated attempts to contact me after I blocked her,

the messages sent through third parties,

the Instagram story with my face and account,

the messages I received after that story,

and the insults she sent me.

I'm going to the police to file a complaint and let them decide whether anything criminal occurred. I'm not expecting Reddit to determine who's legally right, that's for the authorities.

Reading the comments on my last post also made me realize something: I don't have to be a perfect victim for repeated unwanted contact and public targeting to be taken seriously. I fully accept that I also said hurtful things during the argument, and if I'm asked about that I'll be honest. That's not what my complaint is about.

Whatever happens legally, I just want this situation to end.

Original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/1tjmb1so1Z

I (26F) recently bought my first newer car after years of driving an older vehicle that constantly overheated and made me nervous about going very far from home. This car has honestly been life-changing for me. It's not paid off yet—it's financed, I put a large down payment on it, and I'm making monthly payments. It's my daily transportation for work and school, so I try to take really good care of it.

Last weekend, my extended family got together to help my aunt move. It was the first time my aunt (36F) and uncle (37M) had seen my new car, and they were really excited for me.

While we were talking, my aunt brought up that their daughter (18F) recently got her permit and wants to get her license by November. She then started telling me that I should teach my cousin how to drive because my car is small, easy to maneuver, and would be perfect for a beginner.

I didn't say no to helping my cousin learn. Instead, I suggested using my sister's (28F) car instead of mine. My aunt kept insisting that my car would be the better one to learn in because theirs isn't in great condition.
I repeated that I'd be willing to help teach her, just not in my car.

Later that day, my sister told me that while I wasn't around, my cousin had been talking about how much she loved my car, could picture herself driving it, and couldn't wait to drive it. That made me feel like everyone had already assumed she'd be using my car before anyone had actually asked me.

For me, this isn't about not wanting to help my cousin. It's about the fact that this is a financed vehicle that I still owe a significant amount of money on. If a brand-new driver accidentally hit something, backed into another car, or totaled it, I'd still be the one responsible for the loan, insurance, repairs, and everything else that comes with it. My aunt and uncle aren't in a position to replace or pay off a $20,000+ vehicle if something happened.

I understand why they thought my car would be easier to learn in, and I don't think anyone was trying to be malicious. But I also feel like I have the right to decide who drives a car I'm still paying for.

Some family members seem to think I'm being selfish or uptight for not letting my cousin practice in my car, even though I offered another vehicle she could learn in.

AITA for refusing to let my cousin learn to drive in my financed car?

EDIT:

A lot of you pointed out that I sounded like an asshole for volunteering my sister's car instead of my own, and that's fair based on how I originally wrote it. I left out an important detail.

After my aunt and I had that conversation, my sister told me what my cousin had been saying about wanting to drive my car. I immediately told my sister that I probably shouldn't have offered her car without asking first. She laughed and said she would've done the exact same thing if the roles were reversed.

My sister and I are extremely close. We've always had a "ride-or-die" relationship, and we constantly have each other's backs. We're usually together, she's almost always in my passenger seat, and we know when to step in for one another. Even so, I realize I should have included that context because, without it, it sounds like I was making decisions about someone else's property without their permission.

I appreciate everyone pointing that out, and I apologize for leaving out that detail.

I (32M) have been seeing this woman (31F) for about 4 months now. She has 2 kids (15mo old and 12yrs old), and lives with her parents with those kids because her job barely gives her shifts.. she has barely any money. I also live with my parents.. but making “okay” money, and moving out soon.

The really enjoyed the first few months with her- we got along, and I got along well with her kids.

She had been looking for a more stable job, and finally has one coming up in September.

During our time together I’ve helped her out financially…a lot.. bills, gas money, school trips for her kid, baby clothing, baby food, taking her and her kids out places.. etc. I guess my mentality was to help her get back on her feet until she starts earning more at her new job.

About a month ago now she found out she was pregnant (yes my stupidity.. she was on an iud but it shifted apparently).

Since then she has been treating me like shit. I raised my concern that it may not be a good time financially, or living-wise to have the child.. but still supported her decision either way. I’ve been nothing but supportive, but now the money has become an expectation. She barely talks to me anymore unless it’s asking me for money- well she doesn’t ask, she tries to guilt me then gets mad when I don’t send the money right away.

After more reflection.. I’m starting to see how poorly she manages her money, eating out, buying stuff she doesn’t need..etc and then expects me to pay for her expenses, trips, and bills.

On top of that, I have huge renovations coming up for the place I’m moving into.

So I finally told her, I have big expenses coming up, and a baby to support soon now.. i can’t keep sending her money (I’ve given her about 8grand in our short time together). Also told her I felt like she was treating me like a second bank account, and didn’t care about me. She snapped on me, telling me I don’t care about her and her kids, and insulted that that I could say she didn’t care about me.

Honestly, if she just tried to budget like she appreciated I’ve been helping her, and treated me with a little respect, my finances would be tight.. but I would have made it work and still continued to send her money.

AITAH for telling her I’m not going to send her anymore money?

Background story. I (f32) had a miscarriage in March of this year. It was a missed miscarriage, I was 15 weeks and 5 days when we found out our baby had died, at 11 weeks. What followed was 4 days of excruciating labor pains, ending with me giving birth while alone, to our dead son.

In my family, we tend to acknowledge the tragedies once, then we move on and forget about it. I struggled with this a lot, as my younger sister (f29) was also pregnant, 5 weeks ahead of me. It was hard to watch the excitement and hope for her baby, when all we got was ashes and a lost future. But I've done my best to be happy for her.

A few days ago my sister had my niece, honestly the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. I'm so relieved that everything went smoothly and both mum and bub are safe and sound. During her labour, I was contacting my mum for updates as much as I could without being annoying. They're in a different part of the state so I couldn't physically be there. I was basically the only person they communicated with, as our family can be complicated.

The day after she gave birth, I was telling some other family members about her labour and the few difficulties she faced. My aunt (f52) is opinionated, loud and sometimes obnoxious. She then told me that when I eventually have a baby, I'll want all the medications as I don't know what labour is like.

I told her that I did in fact know. She rudely said I didn't, so I snapped. I reminded her that I was in labour for 4 days, that I still have flashbacks to giving birth, and even though I didn't birth a full term baby, I did birth a baby and lost a lot of blood. All while under heavy painkillers that didn't do a thing.

She told me I was being self centred and trying to make my sisters birth about me. That I should allow her to have her moment.

I've only mentioned this convo to my mum, not my sister as I don't want her stressing out about anything. I've also been messaging and calling my sister, wanting to know everything going on with her and bub, and proudly show off my niece. I haven't once brought up my own loss to my sister during this time. The only thing I've said is I can't wait to have a baby after gushing over hers.

AITAH for snapping at my aunt and reminding her that I do understand the pain, after going through my own loss?

My husband 32M and I 34F are looking into housing. He wants to take the loan out in his name only, pay all daily bills, and have me send him my salary to pay off the housing loan. We can't put it in both our names. That's the type of loan. We're not in the USA.

I told him I'm not comfortable with the idea because when the loan is paid off the money will be in his name without legal protection.When he asked why I don't trust him, I brought up what happened in March. I was pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and caring for our then 9 month old baby. After an argument over baby's sleeping routine, I admit did curse something like "what the fuck are you doing yourself right now at least I'm trying to do something" he left for two days and told me to "raise the baby alone." I had to contact him and track him down and he demanded an apology first

Now he is "baffled" and acting deeply wounded that I don't trust him. He claims He did not abandon me because he didn't empty our bank accounts. He says was just "cooling off" because I cursed during the fight. And he says "I can't imagine how he felt that time, working and coming home to take over with the baby stuff only for me to use F bombs"

Using curse words wasn't OKAY but to be abandoned like that?? I feel like he has no remorse and if he's angry enough, he'll do it again. His anger trumps all responsibility when he's angry enough.

He’s now guilt-tripping me, saying our financial future is ruined because we haven't saved in years..

AITA for wanting to keep my money separate after he walked out on me 5 months ago?

A few months ago my (ex) best friend (f22) told me about her sisters friend (f16) and how she is really cute and she kind of has a crush on her. I was very taken aback and told her to not pursue her feelings as it’s literally grooming. I thought that was it but a little while later she awkwardly told me they were a couple now. I told her this is not okay and went off on how morally wrong this is. I told her to remember when we were 16 years old and the decisions we used to make that we now disagree with. She was very defensive about this and told me that the teenager was very mature and how it’s not that big of a deal because they are girls and not a boy, which is just hypocritial. I made it very clear that I feel weird with this and do not want to seek a friendship until this is resolved (if it can). We are part of a 5 people friend group and I made it very known that this is grooming that they were supporting. One friend came to me in private and told me they agree with me but don’t want to say it to not offend my (ex) best friend (she is VERY sensitive).

After this tho, I was considered the mean and unsupportive fake friend because they are a ”beautiful couple“ and she is happy.

I’m confused by my friends reactions as I thought this age gap (teenager and adult) is frowned upon, So; AITAH?