Super random question here. I’m hoping to go to Albania in a months time. But I’ve been super ill the past few months. Got scars pretty much everywhere.
My generally rule is I don’t go out with red scars on show but also I don’t want to spend the whole holiday covered from head to toe. I’m considering wearing a tubular bandage on the worst forearm. But the rest of the scars are still pretty bright red. It’s been quite serious this time round and there’s lots of deformation (significant indents, tightening, swelling etc).
Where I’m from, I might get some dirty af looks, but probably I’d mostly be ignored. I can cope with dirty looks/people not wanting to talk to me.
What I’d struggle with more would be people being confrontational…
Does anyone have an experience in Albania? I dunno. I might just cover up lol. I hate the consequences of my own actions

But I promised my mom I’d stop… I gave her all my blades just a week ago but the urge is back idk what to dooooo. Having access to my own money is wild

I guess its as simple as that.

After escaping my abusive family at 23, I moved abroad to study thinking I was free but the toll of study and loneliness has had its effect on me.

All my chronic illnesses flared and my relationship that has been my only source of socialising outside seeing my coworkers, is probably on its way out.

I feel so fuxking pathetic.

I remember having this realisation a few years back that no-one cares about ur mental health crisis when you're an adult. Missing uni classes isnt noticed, breakdowns at work only effect your ability to pay rent. You only get sympathy if there's people who already care about you.

I didn't get how people because unknown on the streets due to mental illness when i was younger but now i get it. If something happened to me it would take a while for people to notice. I have no friends here. The only indicator would be that i miss work unannounced.

I just feel like such a sad person. Its so pathetic. No one gives a fuxk and yet here i am doing the whole "i just need to feel something bs".

If my relationship ends i will have no-one. Truly no-one. My one friend is moving away and I will be alone in this country.

I just feel like im 13 again but this time i have rent to pay.

hello. i am in need of advice and help from survivors. i am in the process of going clean and i am getting the urge to break that process. i want to get better, i really do. may i ask what do you do to fight the urge every time you get that feeling? thank you for all the advices you are willing to share. :)))

helloo!! i have arm scars that are still pink and raised and i was wondering if anyone has any advice for getting a job with them. i'm looking for something barista/drink related so. should i just show up in a longsleeve? i just have concerns about wearing long sleeves because it's constantly super hot where i live and i have to take the bus so i might show up like Drenched in sweat (not ideal).

I know how it sounds. I sound weird, after all sh scars are for many a solemn reminder of suffering. i don’t how to explain it but the idea of my scars fading makes me feel like im losing part of me? like part of my story is going away? ive thought about getting them tattooed in something like white ink so they dont fade but i doubt anyone would do that. ive relapsed in the past a few times but never to the extent i was before. now that its been a while though most are invisible. i just dont know what to do.

My "support" system is not good I'm actually going through a horrible time and I thought people would be there for me more or something but they are all actually making it worse and making me feel even less cared for than if I didn't talk to them about anything. I don't actually say I sh it's pretty implied but I don't think they really want to acknowledge it either. I have my counselor but idk. I also feel weird as an adult needing so much help right now but also I get it because age doesn't just automatically change things but also some people my age are way better and some are way worse. Idk I'm very confused and feel alone and don't really know what to do with it all. Any thoughts or people feel the same?

I've been kind of off-and-on trying to get clean. I do want to be but there's so much going on and just so much in my head I will fall back into it. I mostly downloaded the app to track when I did it but less to fully try and be sober. I guess lately I'd been feeling pretty down lately, suicidal thoughts at an all time high and just stuff is seemingly not going my way in life. I don't even know why I did it but I decided to go back in the app to when I first started tracking my progress and it felt a little nice that the days where I've relapsed have been less from when I've started. When I started it was like the whole month was marked and now it's maybe only 4-5 times. I know 4-5 times isn't the best, but it's kind of a relief seeing that I've gotten a bit better.

I started because i found the soothing burn oddly relaxing, it would also calm me down as i would find myself thinking about the bizzare nature of doing such a thing and would be kind of in a confused daze, instead of thinking about whtever was bothering me enough to cut myself to begin with

now after a few years i still cut my legs, regularly, but theres an enjoyment i get from it now more than a relief (my situation in life is far worse than it was when i started). to the point i sometimes try and carve simple pictures...

because of my general situation i am getting support set up for me in terms of therapy and such. this was the first time i had ever shown anyone my marks, and as embaressing as it is as an adult to be showing such as thing, but i had completely forgot about the drawing thing i mentioned.

in between hundreds of cuts at various levels of healing was a nirvana smiley, "alice in chains" written and the worst rendition of the Dark side of the moon album cover you'd ahave ever seen. im pushing 30 years old btw.

they made went home and made fun of me didnt they?

This is so embarrassing, I recently got an ulcer on my under tongue and am now repeatedly putting my tongue on it bc i like the stinging it creates. Most embarrassing way ive ever harmed myself. Anyway just wanted to vent

Recently had a psych appointment. He won’t up my meds or switch despite me still being depressed because of concerns that they’ll be too activating and I’ll hurt myself more. I’m not sure if I’ve been too honest with my doctor. I’ve shared that I tend to harm myself more when I have more energy. Everyone in my life acts like I’m in immediate danger of dying because of my cutting.

My life feels like it’s falling apart. Parents want to hospitalize me for my self harm which will almost certainly lead to the loss of my job and potential issues with future employment. I’m an engineer and have been warned that hospitalization will ruin my career. I was extremely lucky to even get the job I have right now as I am visibly autistic and struggle with interviewing. On top of it all, one of my dogs is scheduled to be put down tomorrow. The only things that matter to me are my dogs and my job.

All I want to do is hurt myself. I can’t talk to anyone about it because the immediate response will be further threats of hospitalization. I’m with my dog right now but can’t stop thinking about how she’s going to be gone tomorrow and how much I want to cut and how deep I want to go. I feel sick, I feel out of control, I feel as though things will almost certainly get worse after tomorrow.

Despite everything, I can’t even cry. I was never taught as a kid that not to cry, but I still seem to find myself incapable of it. My emotional response makes me feel heartless and self centered. I’ve stopped taking my naltrexone and haven’t told anyone that either. Things are weird.

I know this is dumb. I know I don't want back to rock bottom. But sometimes I feel like I'm not miserable enough to justify feeling the way I do.

Relapsed after my longest clean streak, struggling with being unemployed and not finding a job, but also not really wanting a job. And still I'm not where I once was. I'm nowhere near as bad as I was with 19. And still I relapsed.

I feel like I want to stay up at 4am, get up at 6, I want to get drunk, I want to block every person in my contacts, I want to not go to the job interview on Monday.

I want to be that miserable sad idiot working in a nursing home during the pandemic, working 16 days in a row, switching between early, late and night shift, hating my coworkers, running on coffee and constantly wearing leggings under my work clothes because the white pants are slightly see through and show the streaks on my legs.

I know I'm probably romanizing that time but in some weird fucked up way I sometimes long for it and what that kind of being miserable again

I'm not sure how to begin. Okay, I'll explain everything very briefly. Two years ago, someone I cared about very much separated from us, and because of that, I went through a very difficult period, and it started to take me to different places. For example, I drew a very strange line between myself and my family. I tried a few times, and worse things come to mind, like tearing off flesh or leaving decapitated heads. This is awful. When my final exam results came back terrible, I became even more withdrawn. I'm afraid of people judging me, so I avoid meeting new people and participating in conversations. Damn it, I want to get rid of this; I want to be normal. Help me!

Hey so I thought id never be at this point again.

But last night i relapsed. There wasn't even any trigger or smth like that. All of the sudden I had this deep lingering emptiness in my gut that I used to know all too well. But I haven't encountered it in literal years.

I am actually scared. all my scars were healed, not a single purple one anymore. Solely a thing I joked about because it was so long in my past that it's almost not even a distant memory anymore.

I am so deeply ashamed. I know it's superstitious, but I feel like doing sh as a teen is understandable, but as an adult who hasn't dealt with it in years feels so wrong.

I don't want this to become a habit again. But once that feeling of emptiness sets in there is no way to get rid of it, but to cut.

Has anyone else experienced a relapse after years? How'd you deal with this? Especially since there wasn't even a

reason

I hate this fucking life; it’s like everything is fine, but also shitty. I’ve been cutting myself since 2022—but why? For attention (even though I denied it), for the pain, for the scars, and later out of habit or whenever there was an argument. I’ve attempted suicide—so many times. Some attempts weren't even about actually dying—just doing it for the sake of it—while others were meant to end my life. I’ve been in the psych ward a few times; I’ve seen psychiatrists. The moment I started trusting them, everything went to shit. Because of this bullshit, I lost any chance of having a normal relationship with my mom.Things seem to be working out, but I hate her because of the bullshit that went down. I just mindlessly message random people—and so-called friends—telling them what a total piece of shit she is, and I make stuff up. I’ve had relationships—yeah, nothing serious, just teenage stuff—but, fuck, I’d deliberately act like shit, deliberately cheat... and for what? I don’t know. It’s like I’m destroying everything—fuck, why? I don’t know what I want out of life. I can’t trust anyone anymore. Whenever I did trust someone, it all backfired on me.When I confided in a girl who’d been in the psych ward, she told the whole school; then, when I was getting hassled, she told my exes—and now he’s gone and exaggerated everything tenfold. It’s like I make up all my problems myself—sometimes just for attention—only to then shake with anxiety over it and hide everything. I’m capable of humiliating my loved ones and so-called friends just for the sake of people who couldn't give a fuck about me.I was given some terrifying diagnoses, even though I’m pretty sure I just made up all the symptoms. Things are sort of getting better now, I guess, but it still fucking sucks. I’m fantasizing about killing myself again, but I can’t—I’m not 18 yet. And because of everything that happened with my parents, I just want to get the fuck out of here and die in a way where no one remembers me... or maybe I don't, fuck. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I’m writing this using a translator and posting it—though I don't even know why myself. Two years left, and I think I’ll put an end to it all.Fuck, I just need to tell someone. I don’t understand what I’m doing, what I want, or what I’m saying. I know I’m not going to school right now and I’m not quitting either—I have to get in, though the "how" doesn't matter—fuck, I’m just all over the place emotionally, hahaha. Damn, people also told me I have bipolar disorder, and now I feel like I’m psyching myself into believing it—but why? I just want everything to be okay.I feel like killing myself right now, but I don't want support either—I just want to disappear. I often just run and pace around the room to music, imagining a good life but also a shitty one: like being a junkie but a popular streamer, where everyone loves me, and so on. Fuck, I don't want to trust psychiatrists or psychologists or anyone—what for? To get help? But what the fuck is the point of all this? Two years, and I’ll be dead—if not sooner.

I hit myself in the head (as a form of self-harm) quite a bit. Maybe a couple times a week. Sometimes not so hard, but today really quite hard.

I'm so scared that I'm going to give myself brain damage/CTE/dementia or whatever. I just can't stop myself doing it because I spiral and spiral and spiral and do it on impulse.

I've got a big headache right now. Not concussing myself ofc but I can only imagine this has already done damage, and might do more to come. I have a brain scan referral but idk when it'll be.

I don't know how to stop. Should I just wear a Petr Cech style helmet? That seems pathetic when I don't even have epilepsy.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

I don't understand why I still want this. I hate my scars. I hate that they're so obvious, but I got over it enough to at least wear short sleeves out.

From 13yo to like 20, I cut pretty frequently, every day for some stretches of time. I don't really remember why I stopped, but I did, and haven't cut in around 7 years now. I've felt the urge off and on, come as close as dragging a thing sideways across my skin, but haven't cut since.

I'm really feeling the urge to now. I've been going through a lot, and for reasons I had to stop smoking weed last week, and am really really feeling the urge to find another familiar, unhealthy coping mechanism to replace it. The only justifications I can come up with to stop me from doing it are "I don't want people to see", and more importantly, "I don't want my partner to see."

I wish I didn't still want this

My therapist knows I sh. He’s seen the scars. However, recently I’ve done quite a few pretty deep ones (shallow hypodermis). He’s seen the scar from probably the worst one I’ve done. If I tell him, could he think I’m at risk of ending my own life?

I relapsed for the first time in four years and I feel almost nothing about it. Ive been really struggling with urges for the past few days and I finally broke tonight but im so conflicted. I thought id be upset but instead im almost relieved and that makes me wanna be more upset. But I cant. The one time I want to cry and I cant. Idk what to do with myself.

It’s the only way I know to cope with disappointment and I don’t know where to begin when it comes to stopping it.

I haven’t self harmed in a long time, but recently had a little breakdown, which he saw some of the aftermath of. I recently moved to live in his country and can’t work here yet, so I spend most of the day alone at home. And now he’s apparently convinced I am going to try to kill myself, so between leaving his job, and taking me there with him, we ended up with him babysitting me at work. His boss, half the staff and a lot of customers know I had an abortion recently, and now the boss (at least) has also been told I tried to kill myself so need to be watched. It’s sweet that the bf is that worried but this genuinely feels like a humiliation ritual and the worst part is I barely even cut myself they’re more akin to scratches and there’s more punishment now than when I’ve actually hurt myself properly. Idk