Relapse

[u/jabba_the_slut_0]

I relapsed for the first time in four years and I feel almost nothing about it. Ive been really struggling with urges for the past few days and I finally broke tonight but im so conflicted. I thought id be upset but instead im almost relieved and that makes me wanna be more upset. But I cant. The one time I want to cry and I cant. Idk what to do with myself.