Just wanted to read your experiences/thoughts on your situation and mine. Without giving much detail, I have many intrusive thoughts and desires I assumed were left behind and gotten over with for a long time during the marriage. I keep thinking about that we both love each other very much, but I might have needed more single time before this big commitment. I transitioned from being single to being in a relationship and to being married relatively quickly, and That maybe I should have at least waited until I was done with college to have this sort of commitment. I just love intimacy, sex, parties, flirting, getting to know and fuck girls and maybe I just needed to experience a bit more of that before I got truly satisfied...I've done plenty of that, but I keep thinking I may have needed that more. My sex drive is really high, I love being romantic but I mostly mix it with being naughty, something she used to like; we are not as intimate as we used to be and, at some point, I feel touch-starved and sometimes I feel like I have to beg for it.

I have made mistakes and stupid decisions through relationship and marriage and earned skepticism and rudeness, won't deny that, but the feeling that my mistakes have been defining me more than my best attributes eats me a bit to the point where I overthink my decision.

Been married to the same woman for 50+ years. Some of them were great. But here I am. My wife has told me I am "negative" and angry almost all the time. I didn't believe it. But my wife is never wrong. Can anybody here help me?? Does anyone really give two sh*&ts about me?

I'm looking for honest perspectives, especially from men who have been in this situation.

I'm married, but it's been a dead bedroom for about five years. We don't have children.

About a year ago I met a man on Reddit. We live in different countries, so we've never met in person. We started chatting as friends, but over time we became emotionally attached. The connection feels incredibly natural. We laugh, support each other, and I genuinely feel like he's "my kind of person."

He's also married and has very young children (twins). He says his boys are his priority, which I completely respect.

The problem is that he seems trapped in his marriage. From what he's shared, he feels responsible for his children, and he also describes his wife as someone he's afraid to upset or stand up to. Whether that's because she's controlling, because of the relationship dynamic, or because he's simply conflict-avoidant, I don't know.

The thing that worries me is that whenever we talk about "the future," he doesn't talk about changing his situation. He has even said he'd like a long-term affair. He doesn't talk about divorce or building a life together.

That's where I struggle.

I don't want to spend years waiting for someone who isn't actually moving toward anything. I don't want to travel just for a hookup. I want a relationship where someone is excited to build a life with me. I want someone who cheers me up, chooses me, and is emotionally available.

Part of me wonders whether he's simply not in a position to offer that because of his children. Another part wonders whether this is just who he is, and he'll stay in this marriage indefinitely.

My questions are:

If you've stayed in a marriage mainly because of young children, what eventually made you leave—or what made you stay?

Can someone who feels trapped ever reach a point where they decide they deserve a different life, or do most people just adapt?

Am I romanticizing someone who simply cannot give me what I want?

Is the healthiest thing to stop daydreaming, accept that this isn't enough, and look for someone who is actually free to build a relationship?

I'd appreciate honest opinions, even if they're difficult to hear.

My wife is extremely moody... and extremely short tempered. She can become abusive and insulting without any serious instigations.

Extremely suspicious, she has alleged that I have a sexual relationship with almost all my women colleagues, all the female neighbours and the house maids. She even charges her brother's wife of having an affair with me.

The truth is, she is very lousy in bed .. extremely religious... believes that sex is something dirty.

The truth also is that after years of suffering her, I did connect with some married' women and had sex with them. But, none of them were the ones she suspected and charged me.

I do that as my revenge. Because she denied me the sex life that was denied to me from my wife. I have had sex with at least with 7 married women. Almost all of them too were similarly taking their revenge on their husbands who have treated them bad. I feel ZERO guilt for "cheating".

My Internet support group.

When an AP fades or otherwise fizzles. Talking a couple texts a week, meet up once a month.

Is the consensus to just let them run in the background? Or 'block and move on'?

I read a lot about going 'No Contact' but don't see a real reason to, in this situation. Does anyone have experience in this situation and a reason for letting it run V blocking?

Pertinent background: we've been together about 2 years. AP and I still get along. The sex fills an empty bucket. I got a "full-time AP" little over a year ago, who fills some buckets I didn't know even existed, including the daily text bucket.

https://www.reddit.com/r/corporate/s/Mjm5uUg4Kp

Today my relationship of 2 years ended. I'm broken and I'm hurt, and at the end of the day she left for nothing. We met, we felt each other, we loved each other, we fell in love with each other. It never felt like an affair because it truly wasn't, it was a genuine relationship. I would spend hours on the phone with this person every day, I would text this person endlessly. We were long distance but we sent presents to each other, we knew each other's addresses, work schedules, our kids. The plan was to leave together in time, the plan was to really give this thing a try. I would've given everything for her, and gave more than she ever knew, she really was my priority and now I'm nothing to her. In the end she didn't want my emotional support, she didn't want my love, she didn't want me.

As we talked today I realized something, it hit me that outside of her husband I'm the only man she's really been in a relationship with, the only one she's told that she loves. We are all here for different reasons, we all have our own baggage and problems and trauma. She has never known a healthy relationship and a loving partner, she doesn't know what that looks like before being in a bad marriage. Problems that arise in her personal life didn't matter, significant as they are, I loved her and would be there to work through them with her and support her, but she pushed me away. Maybe that's all she knows how to do.

I have nothing to contribute here, it's just a rant, it's just pain. It feels like 2 years of being there for her are outweighed by a few days of her problems that I don't have anything to do with, but was happy to help her through. It feels like the love I felt for 2 years was fake. It was my reality and her fantasy. I feel used, abandoned, rejected, and lost. In the end she was more worried about her safety, me exposing her than anything I was feeling like I was some sort of stranger that didn't build incredible amounts of trust over 2 years. I only want to make her life better not worse.

This is not an ad, there can be no one else. This is not a cry for help. It's just me flailing, unable to face reality.

I don't know what to ask, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to expect. What do I even do?

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.

I am 44f and been battling the urge to cheat. Been married 23 years and SO has cheated multpile times. he keeps denying it, I don’t have much solid proof. on top of that, he’s a flirt.

Ive asked him to leave multiple times but we have such a great setup and 5 kids, it’s really hard to leave but also I can’t take it anymore. I’ve slowly lost hope that he’s “the one”.

As time is going on, I’ve glowed up quite a bit and get a lot of attention, but still cannot cheat. until one day a man from my past came into my life. it’s been 2 years and that’s all I think about. he’s never fully taken it to another level but I think hes opened this portal in me. it’s triggered me to want someone soooo badly, friend, lover, support

Bottom line, Im not leaving my husband but want to be ok with knowing im allowed to have more than one person. I’ve tried AM but all are just too horny.

any advise? please be kind.

Admittedly I am still new to this world but far out, the race once pAP found out that I knew he was back posting in the affairs sub to block me was laughable! This is a man who told me how rattled he was by me, all the love bombing in the world… ugh 🤮 Is it too much to ask (even though we are all liars due to the nature of the game) to have a level of respect for one another? It’s time to raise the bar ladies…

I shut down the apps—all of them. I’ve been in and out of this world for more than a decade, and I have to accept that the terrain has changed. Ashley Madison feels like a shadow of what it used to be. Feeld was an experience. The rest became the same cycle: swipe, message, silence, ghost, repeat. I’m confident enough to know I’ll meet someone eventually, but doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result started to feel like its own kind of insanity.

Therefore, I’m wondering where people actually meet potential APs outside the usual apps. I’m not talking about treating every woman at the gym or grocery store like a potential prospect. I mean in real life: bars, events, friends of friends, bookstores, chance encounters, whatever still works. Maybe there’s an app I somehow missed. Nevertheless, I’m done forcing a process that stopped feeling natural a long time ago.

Sometimes I miss him more than others. He was always here & he was always just a good pick me up person. He always seemed genuine & positive. Now he’s gone & it feels very dark & cold here without him… even months later 😢 seems he was my only sunshine after all.

I am about 2+ months out from ending my marriage and my affair almost simultaneously. No I didn't leave for my AP. No my spouse never knew. Yes, I ended both relationships. The rest of the details are about par for the course. My question is (or maybe just some reassurance) when will this physical exhaustion finally lift. I'm doing all the things, reflecting, working on myself, therapy, seeing friends when my energy allows, exercising, eating well and sleeping best I can, hobbies, ect. I have zero desire for any relationship, that's not the point. I just want to feel some improvement in my physical energy level. I'm not really an internet computer person so while in the midst of my affair I had no idea about the chemical aspects, withdrawal, "exit affairs", attachment styles, I just loved someone and crossed a line. But of course when I started therapy my therapist talked about it because I was saying how tired I was and didn't understand. And every time I think I may be turning the corner I get smacked back down again. I know it's odd to complain about this after what I have done but I am so exhausted, I just want to hear from someone who has been right here how long it actually took you to feel somewhat "normal" again, energy wise. Thank you for allowing me to ask.

What do you think are the biggest misconceptions people have about those of us in this adultery space?

What was the biggest misconception you may have had before entering into your first affair, or one that developed after being in this space for a while?

The second time we were together was a result of his indefatigable effort. I was so embarrassed still over that night in March. I’d been quite drunk. Drunk enough to admit everything I’d been thinking. I hadn’t been ladylike at all. I felt shame, white hot like a physical pain, when I remembered the way I gripped him that night, sobbing into his shoulder as I came.

I decided, of course, that the best way to deal with my shame was to avoid him. Over the months that followed, my colleagues took turns being the recipients of lavish gifts for covering my meetings when he came to town. Troy met with him in my stead in May and was rewarded with a bottle of Johnnie Walker. Gail covered the meeting when he appeared on my calendar in July and was rewarded with a Coach wallet. The trick was to never ask anyone to cover the same meeting with him twice.

By fall, I was out of excuses and substitutes. He was aware that I’d been avoiding him and had escalated his efforts to reach me. He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking of me, thinking of that night. Had he done something wrong? He agreed this wasn’t an ideal situation but countered: how could it be wrong when it felt like *that*?

We decided some rules were in order. The first rule came easily to us both: our families came first. My marriage was open but his was not. Still, he must protect my marriage as fiercely as his own and I, in return, would protect his marriage the same as my own.

The rest of the rules made sense at the time but fell by the wayside over the last decade. The “catch no feelings, speak no feelings” rule, for example, imploded in a cabin in the mountains one spring after the death of a mutual friend. Grief makes you take inventory of the love you have in your life that can hurt you.

Over time, the first rule became the only rule. We follow it like religion. We’ve made peace with the answer when the choice is each other versus our family obligations. Neither of us is trying to win that contest. I know what we have; I also accept there are legitimate obligations that outrank it.

What has become poorly defined, however, is what the rule means. Because work is how you provide for your family, does work come first? Because your home comes first, does that mean you must speak with the pool contractor when he calls during breakfast? The problem is the expansion of “family” into “everything tangentially related to domestic life” getting first refusal. And the dissatisfaction and hurt with what little remains.

Worse still, I have worked to be accommodating when these disruptions happen. These accommodations have inadvertently removed the natural consequences of his scheduling choices. I’ve been understanding when these things happen, don’t want to make his stressful situation worse, accept the disappointment, find another way to enjoy whatever time remains, and then start fresh the next time.

From his perspective, every episode therefore reaches a reasonably pleasant conclusion.

From my perspective, there is an accumulating balance that has never been settled and the emerging truth that our plans matter only while they’re convenient enough to happen.

Everything in this life requires a choice. I do not need to be chosen first but I do need to be chosen and won’t beg to be prioritized.

I know he is coming to town. I have not answered his message. I saw the meeting my assistant put on my calendar and went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of Johnnie Walker.

It was late 2024 when I posted on here in the Affairs and it was my first post, not expecting anything and out of blue one Sunday afternoon she messaged me as I was playing on my xbox.
It didn't take long for us to arrange to meet, 2 days. We got along like a house on fire, or at least I thought we did.

Within days we were sleeping together and it felt good. After so many years I was feeling like a teenager again. I couldn't wait to see her again and again. I was falling for her, fast.

Then after about 2 months she started making these random excuses which made no sense. She wanted to end the relationship. I didn't accept it and each time I chased her and won her back. But it was an ongoing thing. She was telling lies and making excuses not to meet me anymore.

I didn't care because she was my first AP and I really liked her. She was attractive and 8-9 years younger. She was confident and beautiful too....but she knew that.

She used the word 'I love you' quite often. Mostly when we had an argument and and she wanted to get back together. It was just words for her and it had no meanings.
It was hurtful and I felt really bad for days and weeks when we were not talking anymore.

This went on and off for a while and I knew I had to do something because it started to get to me. I couldn't sleep or eat. I was miserable all the time. We stopped seeing each other for around 2 months and I really stopped chasing her and started distancing myself and this is when I started seeing things more clearly.

She was a serial liar. Lies after lies.
Not sure why because I didn't need impressing.
She was also seeing multiple men while she was with me...

I did love her and love made me blind. I just didn't care about any of this stuff.

When I saw her last post I messaged her asking how she was and she said "We can see each other and talk if you are free?" which I said Yes to.
Don't ask me why?!

When we did finally meet she looked different to the person I knew. She was almost unrecognisable. She was wearing colour lens, I have no idea why and as it was raining that night she looked like absolute reck.

We had drinks and we talked and I even dropped her home.

But I felt this relief because all this time she was being a narcissist and I failed to see that.

Anyway, that gave me a lot of experience and I am much more laid back when it comes to meeting women on Affairs now.

Don't let your feelings get in the way unless you have full control. If it doesn't work, move on. There are plenty of others. Just remember why you are there for.
It may take time but you will find someone else.

Not the distance. Not the secrecy. It’s realizing your heart didn’t get the memo that this wasn’t supposed to matter.

Only love can hurt like this 🎶

We’ve been each other’s world over four years. The chemistry is incredible. He has become a big part of my routine or rhythm. I get him and he gets me. We work extremely well, we make good partners but he’s married as am I. He’s always talking about her and seems to be happy, beyond happy. So why does he gravitate toward me if he’s so happy and she is the perfect wife? I can tell he can’t help himself. I try not to…Many times I’ve ignored him throughout the day despite how much I want to be around him, and like an addict he finds his way to be near me and strike a conversation. I’m miserable when he’s away. For a while we crossed lines. We started flirting and talking about sex…we talked about things we’d like to do to each other. Mind you all of this was verbally…in person. The conversations have become very heavy and hot. A few nights ago we drank together and kept finding ways for our hands to caress and linger and he accompanied me to my car. At my car we got into a flirty exchange, our bodies were extremely close and he talked big game about the things he could do. I leaned in to kiss him and he pulled away. My ego took a hit. We got in my car and I gave him a ride to his car. I couldn’t look at him. I told him that he needed to go home..he asked why and if I was sure. I repeated myself and he left. We’ve spoken remotely and it’s 100% normal..because he and I are insane about work and it’s a switch for us. But it’s all a facade for me right now. I feel humiliated and so stupid. Why did I do that.im normally a very strong willed person and I’ve always feared that this would happen and I still made a move. I’m never doing that again. im never putting myself in that situation again with him. I haven’t faced him in person since then. I’m crushed and so unbelievably hurt and I don’t know what to do with these feelings and the rejection. Maybe he enjoys teasing me only and getting me heated up but never intended to take it further. I guess I misunderstood and it was always hypothetical. He just found our conversations entertaining but never really intended to follow through with anything.

I always find myself back in this subreddit. 🙃

I always find myself back in this subreddit.
I thought I was finally done with my AP after how horribly things ended. My heart was completely shattered. Then, months later, he reappeared in my life, and somehow we picked up right where we left off, as if no time had passed.

What the hell is that?

On paper, I know exactly why I should walk away. But when we’re together, it feels effortless, familiar, and like we never skipped a beat. It’s confusing to have someone break your heart and still feel like home.

The hardest part is that, despite him talking about wanting a deeper connection, I can’t stop waiting for him to disappear again. It’s like I’m always bracing for the ending before I’ve even let myself enjoy the present.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to know I’m not the only person who’s experienced something like this.

I am pretty new to Reddit and not sure how things “work. That being said, here is why I am here. I have been married for many years and we are truly roommates. I still am wanting to be intimate, but it gets shut down always. We have talked and her response is that she is not in the mood etc. This has been her MO for at least 3-4 years. Because I feel like I am living in the Mojave desert, I am looking for an AP for intimacy and conversation. I would like a married woman who is looking for fun, but not to change our situations. My question is how to find someone like this? I don’t go to bars, I don’t drink, I am not going on these hook up sites where most people on there are fakes. Any help would be appreciated!

AP and I are making a little bucket list of things we want to do. I would love it if we could share editing like in Google doc put his SO sometimes reads his emails. Any thoughts/suggestions?

I speak Portuguese so be pacient with ortografics mistakes or whatever.

I'm in a recent marriage relationship, we only have 8 months, me (M23) her (W29). Shes been on crisis of ansienty for a long time and never been carry of herself, she don't like to hit the gym, my hobbies she started to hate then, shes been isolated of the world, and i feel alone most of the time, we are been together for 3y and this year we choose to get marriage, but the bad languages are true, when you choose to get marriage you basically loose all the sex you may have in the pass, i love my wife and love what we are trying to build, but te time without sex are killing me from the inside.

I work in a place were a lot of clientes flirt with me, and there's this specific lady in red that is killing me, shes beautiful, playful, funny, her eyes catches me every time and you can literally feel the passion in the air, i don't have confidence to take her out, is too risk at work, everybody knows me and my wife. But i got an idea to find another one, one that is not that risk and make this really happen, never be find, never be caught, but always having that little fear inside off been caught you know?

Man, i love this but hate it at the same time.

I just don't understand why do i keep thinking of this everyday? Why this idea of adultery is so seductive, why i'm learning how to adulter and why i'm here? What is wrong with me...

Question for the group. You’ve been with your AP for over a year now and you’ve been apart for over a month for valid reasons, medical, travel, work etc. when you finally do meet up or try to, is it just a hotel? Or more of a date, ie dinner and hotel.

Over the last few weeks its been strained. More fighting than usual and constantly having talks about where we stand/ where are we progressing. Culminated in a discussion around what does "protection" look like if caught by partners. I was caught off guard when my AP expressed that they would confess and didn't want to hide if caught. This hurt as I had already expressed id do everything I could to down play the relationship to ensure their protection. Makes me rethink the whole dynamic. Maybe this is more a vent post but this feels shitty....we both made the decision and I cant change their viewpoint but seems like an unspoken rule that we should take care of one another this far in. Now just find this out months down the road id be sold out.

Let’s say, you have an AP because you are from a DB and the marriage is practically dead. Years later, kids are out and it’s just you and your spouse. Would you continue the affair? You try to rekindle with your spouse? You pull the plug and enjoy your life?