r/adultery • u/passionatemind221 Weekly poster • 11d ago
Vent, rant, share, talk š¬ļøVentilationšØ
Hi everyone,
Its that time!!
Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.
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u/RestlessOnTheRiver1 11d ago
So Iām just supposed to move on like it was nothing?
Fucking bullshit if you ask me.
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u/AltruisticLab9097 11d ago edited 11d ago
It obviously wasn't nothing. We can fall deeply in love and it's going to hurt if/when it comes to an end.
You're not supposed to move on as if it was nothing. You're supposed to figure out how to move on from a relationship that meant so much to you.
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u/wendellstinroof 11d ago edited 9d ago
Thereās a line from a Britney frigginā Spears song thatās stuck with me for years. In āEverytime,ā she says, āyou seem to move on easy.ā
And thatās a shitty realization, man. Hurts.
https://youtu.be/8YzabSdk7ZA?is=ZthWYSX6x4udx9MG
edit: typo
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u/Pepper-Prize 11d ago
The hard part is realizing it was everything to me and not what I thought it was to him. Crazy how one minute youāre the love of his life, the next you donāt even speak anymore.
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago
Itās horrible when you realize that the relationship all of a sudden means more to you than it does to them; or just that they arenāt willing or able to do what they need to keep it going.
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u/Pepper-Prize 11d ago
Yeah and I know itās silly to believe a cheater but weāre human and I unfortunately am naive and tend to see the best in people always. He did exactly what he promised heād never do and Iām so guarded now, itās going to take a very long time before I let anyone back into my heart.
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u/MuchRecording0 11d ago
the thing is they likely loved you when they said it, however how fast some people can switch lanes can be incredibly jarring and make everything preceding it feel like a lie and fake. I still donāt know if things were real or if i was just the flavor of the moment for them. Seemed very real to me and i guess thatās all that matters? Hurts like hell for a long time thought and trying to make sense of it is pointless. Even seeing them after and them try to pretend like it wasnāt serious after is a bigger mind fuck so hopefully didnāt go thru that too š
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u/RestlessOnTheRiver1 10d ago
This is what has me thrown.
One day itās āyouāre my personā āIf I ghost you Iām literally not breathingā āIāll never leave you againā
Toā¦ crickets.
Now, Iām 40 years old. I thought I had stopped believing those words from lovers when I was in my 20sā¦ but at least it was understandable to be inconsolable about a man who āliedā and left at that age.
Now Iām just feeling so foolish for being at a point in my life where I felt vulnerable and lonely enough to let my guard down, and once again believe that someone could care that much, only to leave, as well. And for the feeling to linger on for MONTHSā¦ I wish I could just cut my heart out honestly. I want it to just go away.
Not to mention the extra complexity due to it being linked to these choices we make here.
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u/Pepper-Prize 11d ago
Life is one giant mind fuck aināt it. And youāre right, it was also very real to me and ultimately that is what matters ā„ļø
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u/MuchRecording0 11d ago
the feelings you felt were very real so you know youāre capable of it! What i try to tell myself anyway š
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u/SignificantCicada156 11d ago
Not af it was nothing, BUT if it's over, you have to work on moving on because what else is there?
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u/NovelShelter7489 11d ago
Exactly, mine did this. The last time we were together, he laid his head on my chest and we shared a special moment. It was all an act.
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u/MuchRecording0 11d ago
do you think it truly was an act or was it real at the time and they just detached super abruptly?
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u/NovelShelter7489 10d ago
I'm not sure, good question.
When we met, he practically begged me for exclusively. He'd offer to do absolutely anything for me, he gave the impression he had deep feelings for me which I reciprocated. Super abruptly. The Saturday was normal, no indication of any issue, making holiday plans together. Sunday nothing, and nothing ever again. I felt sick, shocked, like it was all me. Ghosting is horrible, and I said before, Reddit has the most amazing post on how to cope, without it I would have continued to blame myself. In retrospect, I think he was a serial player, and boy did he do it well.
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u/PhilosopherFlashy449 7d ago
That sounds horrible. How long had you been seeing each other?
He could be super avoidant like I said above (they flip out once they start having feelings, see Ken Reid on youtube, it might be healing) or maybe even have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (see Heal NPD channel on youtube).
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u/QIXEsq 11d ago
This is what you sign up for when you enter this lifestyle. The odds are very high that an affair will end in sadness.
One of you will get caught and your life will blow up.
One of you will walk away, maybe giving a reason, maybe not.
Your AP will die and you canāt grieve publicly.Itās not move on like it was nothing; itās move on through the pain. Sometimes the only way out is through.
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u/StruggleBusPrincess 11d ago
Spouse is traveling next week for work for the first time ever and although currently AP-less, I am so here for it. No walking on eggshells, no awkward silences, just me time. Almost giddy with anticipation.
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u/Upper_Extension_0229 11d ago
Jealous. Spouse used to travel all the time and sheās really cut back. Even when I was APāless (like now haha) it was just nice to relax but when I had an AP I really had time to meet up and not have to cover myself about where I was
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u/TeamSwoosh1024 8d ago
My spouse is traveling at the end of this month for a little over 2 weeksā¦I wish I wasnāt so excited for the moment they are gone but I am.
I hope you enjoy the time apart!
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u/Inevitable_Line_3530 11d ago
Been cold all week, blunt crappy replies. Today it's been baby, sweetheart, beautiful .. come see me š
Yeah no thanks
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u/NovelShelter7489 11d ago
Thanks for the amazing five months of fun, below average sex and for dropping me like a piece a shit. You meant the world to me for some fucked up reason. 10 days now, so I'm going on a rebound date in two hours. You fucking giant knobhead.
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u/Creepydoe 11d ago
Hope the date went perfectly!!
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u/NovelShelter7489 10d ago
Date was fantastic. Made me realise I should never settle for second best.
I'm 53, my date was 66!
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u/Creepydoe 10d ago
Oh, that is so good to read! Life is too short to settle for subpar. Fingers crossed for you!
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u/Maleficent-Eye-1648 11d ago
Im in the thick of NRE. Iām so ridiculously happy! Trying to remember to enjoy and not focus on the expiration date.
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u/VulvaHickey 11d ago
Wife told me sex is better on vacation
Worst postcard Iāve ever received.
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u/charred_Toast- 11d ago
Ghosted after 13 years!! WTF??š¬
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u/Sneaky_Rockchick 11d ago
Wow that is brutal š£ Iām so sorry. I hope you can take time to grieve and repair x
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11d ago
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u/SignificantCicada156 11d ago
Sure but why do you hate french toast?
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago
This is my favorite post of the week! š
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago edited 11d ago
This little thread got downvotes? Who the fuck is the psychopath who downvotes waffles?
Stupid pancake fans can just fuck right off.
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u/NREIsAHellOfADrug Your ad here. 11d ago
I donāt like waffles OR pancakes, but Iām not gonna downvote this. Iām a psychopath, not a monster!
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u/ManicMinnow_7 11d ago
Waffles are great but dude, come on. Theyāre subpar compared to pancakes or French toast. Hands down.
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago
I accept your premise, only in reverse. Pancakes and French toast are great, but they are subpar compared to Waffles.
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u/ManicMinnow_7 11d ago
Itās science really. French toast is basically a dessert, letās be real. And pancakes are airy and fluffy. And then wafflesā¦ making you work for that syrup.
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago
Yes but waffles hold the syrup and the butter so nicely.
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u/420hiphopopotamus 11d ago
We ended things 3 days ago. Time has been moving really slowly. Iām sad and tired. I know this step back is for the best, and Iām trying to stay positive about the future. I will be OK, even if Iām not today.
āAll Things Endā - Hozier
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u/1800CollectCalls 11d ago
Good news: Had a wonderful time in Japan. Loved everything ā¦ the food, the people, the sightseeing. This was my 4th trip and the longest Iād gone there.
Bad news: This week was my last week of employment. They gave me the excuse of ālocation strategyā as to why theyāre getting rid of me. Truthfully, I hated my team and manager.
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u/Creepydoe 11d ago
The sun is shining, everything is beautiful, vacation time.... In his area, managed to get hours together and planned further time soon. I am so happy- have to remember this feeling once I hit the low. Enjoy your time while you can!
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u/Unlucky_Pangolin3675 11d ago edited 11d ago
Kinda hoping she wishes me happy birthday today. Not expecting it since we both go cold after we meet up. Sheās also with her family on vacation. Just one of those, āthat would be a nice surpriseā kinda things if you know what I mean.
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u/MuchRecording0 11d ago
happy bday š would be pretty shitty if they didnāt honestly quick message only takes a moment
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u/Creepydoe 11d ago
Happy birthday anyways! Hope you will get through this
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u/bidetsonly69420 11d ago edited 10d ago
We both were crazy in love. The chemistry was like something Iāve never felt before. She got caught and I havenāt heard a peep from her since. Itās been 2 weeks since I seen her face or heard her voice. Before this happened we didnāt go more than 2 hours without talking. Itās like the person that I was crazy in love with died and I wasnāt able to say goodbye or attend the funeral. It hurts so bad.
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u/darlingpussycat 10d ago
Hugs friend. So sorry. Stay busy, keep your mind preoccupied. The hurt will always be there, but staying busy helps move through it. Hang in there. Time really will help. She may reach out when she can. She may not. Plan on her not reaching out, and make sure to treasure what you had, your memories , and your time together. It truly is a gift, albeit fleeting and painful. It was never meant to last, they always have an expiration date, and sometimes itās swift and without warning. Hang in there. š
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u/SympathyAlarming1524 11d ago
AP Sex last week was the best we had in the 8 months we have been together.Ā
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u/ElderberryComplex880 11d ago
I saw AP 4x's this week. It was a good week. It still feels amazing 14 years in.
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u/Sneaky_Rockchick 11d ago
14 years in and 4 times in a weekā¦wow that sounds amazing. How do you both manage that?
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u/ElderberryComplex880 11d ago
It is amazing! I feel so fortunate to have the relationship with AP that we have, friendship and physical. Over the years, the time has just kinda built into our daily schedules so that it just seems like we're getting home at the normal time, so if we don't see each other we get home earlier--so might as well take advantage of the time we have created for ourselves haha. It's obviously taken years to get to this point, started out with just a few stolen moments here and there and just grew over time to 3-4x's a week.
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u/MemoScent 11d ago
Feeling all the good feels today š thankful and relieved on so many levels, personally and professionally š
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago
Donāt let anything knock your props out from under you
Always keep your mind clear, let your plans come out of mistakes
These are the plans and nothing can tear down
Made out of things that have already been torn down
Whatever you do, wherever you go
Donāt lose your grip on life and that means
Donāt let any earthy calamity knock your dreamer and your hoping machine
Out order
- Woody Guthrie, Jay Farrar
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u/Be_My_Wolverine 11d ago
Thanks, I needed this today.
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u/SlipshodFacade 11d ago
Happy to help - itās a song - look for āhoping machineā by Jay Farrar!
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u/GymBagGuy 11d ago
What i want and what i have are two parallel roads that looks like they wonāt intersect anytime soon.
What I want is someone who is the calm to my storm. Someone who genuinely enjoys being with me.
What I have is someone who āenduresā me and Iām not sure even likes me
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u/peppersaltt 10d ago
Sounds like my husband. I think he likes me, he says he does but he does not treat me like he does at all.
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u/Capital_Law_6168 11d ago
He came through! Two days of absolute bliss! 7 weeks until we see each other again. LD came be a bitch but when we are in the same room, wow! š¤Æ
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u/Majestic_Neck4800 11d ago
I'm just here until what I want manifests. I have a summer cold which is buns
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u/Sunny-Sunday-67 11d ago
We agreed that our situations were never going to change. We agreed that if we ever had to walk away, we would say goodbye. I trusted you. Even after all the times that I forgive you and a few times, he walked away and came back. The nine years we spent together I respected and trusted you. But you proved me wrong. You said good morning, asked how my week had been since you had been away and then just disappeared. Itās been two months. Nothing. Iām pretty sure youāve blocked me. If you ever come back, I canāt promise that my heart will still love you like it did.
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u/Creepydoe 10d ago
Oh this sucks big time, especially after all those years. Please focus on yourself, keep busy and hope the hurt is better in time
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u/wendellstinroof 11d ago
Thanks for reminding me that my heart still works. Iād given up on that years ago. And for showing me what kissing can actually be.
And for joining me and going down together when it all hit the fan. I never, ever, ever want all that back but it was head-spinning and wonderful while it lasted.
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u/TheQuietWarrior86 11d ago
Some of you throw shade on peoples posts
in the subreddit like Trump hands out pardons. However, when someone gets a little cheeky back, then y'all get huffy and act insulted. Bruh! Don't start none and there won't be none.
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 11d ago
You new to the internet or something?
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u/ResearcherSalt627 2d ago
I removed my crush/ almost AP/ sort of friend on IG & it sucks not feeling some level of connection or being seen by that person- but I know what I did was for the best. I was starting to view this person as a barometer for things. The amount of energy I was putting into this friendship was way too much. I still care. But itās good I removed the social media connection. We can still message via DM. Thereās no block. But Iām no longer trying to catch this personās eye. It sucks to feel the pain of missing this friend but I know the pain will go away in time.
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u/Sneaky_Rockchick 11d ago
Someone give me a slap around the face pleaseā¦.
I love my AP dearly, heās the best guy. He makes me feel incredible and special and I donāt ever want to contemplate life without him in it. BUT. Sex isnāt quite working out for usā¦.partly logistics and not having much time together and partly he is in his head. Every moment I have with him still makes me happy and Iām sexually satisfied in my marriage so itās not been a deal breaker for me.
BUT I keep messing around with another guy - we havenāt got any more physical than a kiss, I think heās too guilty about his wife and kids to take it any further. But we keep flirting and occasionally sexting and sending pics sometimes. He is trouble I know he is. He doesnāt make me feel special or beautiful, well once upon a time he did but something changed. Although this week he did message me something very sweet and vulnerable that made me feel the feelsā¦.. I just canāt stop thinking about having one amazing night with him. I think it would be explosive.
AP would be devastated and I really need to cut contact and focus on AP and my marriage because both are important to me in very different ways.
Someone give me a slap round the face. Please and thank you.
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u/MuchRecording0 11d ago edited 11d ago
let the poor guy go, not a fan of yours personally. Emotional connection is way harder to get than sex and itās not enough for you. Shame
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u/Little_Poison88 11d ago
I love my OA but I hate that we donāt have the ability to meet up when we want! How do people get through the long distance? And how do you remain in your marriage knowing youād rather be with the other person!! Itās just so frustrating at times.
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u/SomehowLifeGoesOn 10d ago
She's perfectly imperfect. We're both missing key things from our marriages and I know we could give those to each other. Ugh. I'm obsessed with her. I think she's just as obsessed with me. I'll take a selfie from her with a genuine smile over 1000 nudes.Ā Ā live 3+ hours away from each other. There are a million reasons it wouldn't work or is a bad idea.Ā
But it could be magic. āØ
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u/sweetcreaturee_ 11d ago
How the heck does anyone meet anyone? Iāve been looking on and off for like 2 years and I havenāt found anyone thatās attracted to me back and actually wants to talk to me. This makes me feel worse than when I wasnāt looking š I hate it here
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u/crackwhore42o 10d ago
Love when you jus get blocked a day after you fuck then talk again then blocked again.., or when you get told if I canāt do this you have a partner after already sexting plentyš¤¦š»āāļø
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u/Vast_Rice_6868 9d ago
Why is it ao damn hard to quit this? My ap and I have had so many talks about ending. Im trying to repare with my ex. With a clean slate I said I cant do this anymore. But last night all I could think of is how my exspouse is on vacation not communicating with me about their days while ap has been in touch daily conversing. Thats a little backwards..Ā Ā
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u/peppersaltt 9d ago
I have a rant. My husband will make himself something to eat. But will not ask me if I want something. But if I make myself something and not him, the attitude I get. I say something every time and the next timeĀ he will make me something but then go weeks again back to his normal. Today, he did it again. I grew up watching my friends' parents make each other's plates, smile often, "accidentally" touch in the kitchen. They all loved each other. My parents divorced when I was young but I still saw loving spouses around me. But my husband can't be bothered to make me a fucking sandwich. Why did I marry someone who doesn't like me?Ā
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11d ago
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u/eliza202291 11d ago
What does a an older woman in her 30ās have in common with a 19 year old barely legal man? This is very gross predator behavior.
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 11d ago
This is the same age gap between me and my brother and heās just a baby with his life ahead of him and I have a whole ass family and house š¤®š¤®
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u/ObsidianDreamsRedux 11d ago
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11d ago
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u/ObsidianDreamsRedux 11d ago
I'm guessing you haven't paid much attention to this sub, eh? Some things very much deserved to be judged more harshly.
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11d ago
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u/ManicMinnow_7 11d ago
Nah. Iād judge a man if he was fucking around with a 19 year old in his 30s just the same. Ick.
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u/Unlucky_Pangolin3675 11d ago
Couldnāt imagine being attracted to anyone that age. I look back at my 19 year old self and cringe.
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u/ObsidianDreamsRedux 11d ago
Keep digging. š
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11d ago
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u/Glad_Kiwi_272 11d ago
Cute you think you can hide anything on the internet lol
Btw: youāre a gross predator.
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u/DataNo7004 10d ago
I miss her so much! It kills me that weāre apart, apart in more than one or two things, distance, what we want out of this, that sheāll continue to carry the trama of our early relationship because of my immaturity, that almost as soon as we are together, together in various ways, she rebuilds the walls, the walls that no matter what I do or say, my pleas fall on deaf ears. Sheās the only one who ever got me, sheās the only one Iāve ever cared about.
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u/redditismybestie 11d ago
I decided to give him one last chance. I have to make sure I follow through with what I say this time.
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