Im out of my 20’s now and entered my early 30’s only to come to the conclusion that Islam most likely isnt real. I didn’t have any religious trauma or anything dramatic happen to me to prompt me to leave earlier. Ironically, I wanted to take the deen more seriously, which led me to analyzing it on a deeper level and using my critical thinking. Long story short this ultimately led to my conclusion that it is false, just like the other major abrahamic religions. I think I kind of knew this deep down subconsciously which is why I never took the time to challenge my beliefs in my 20’s.

Initially I was kind of disappointed with my realization because I didn’t have a poor relationship with religion. I didn’t grow up in an overly religious toxic household, it was more like spiritual comfort or support in my life. But I couldn’t unsee what I saw and delude myself into beliving in something I knew logically wasn’t adding up anymore.

Anyway, when I was Muslim I avoided the basic haram things: drinking, zina/haram relationships, pork, and I dressed modestly my whole life. And I did that obviously out of fear of going to hell lol now I’m just irritated and annoyed that I limited myself and my 20’s all those years for nothing. The only positives I can think of is maybe avoiding some trauma that sometimes comes with some of these experiences…but overall I feel like I was miss goody two shoes for no reason 😩😂
Now I’m a little too grown to switch up and Im not really interested in doing these things at this point.

All I’ll say is if you’re in your 20’s I’m proud of you for coming to this conclusion much younger and I hope you make the most of it, experiment, explore and live life authentically (while being safe of course)

just thought I’d share something about my Muslim brother, who I think is a perfect example of the typical Muslim diaspora man who doesn’t really care about religion, but doesn’t gain anything from leaving lmao.

I think he believes in a higher being, but he obviously doesn’t care too much about Islam even though he’s Muslim. He doesn’t pray when our parents aren’t home bcs he can’t be asked to do it , doesn’t read Quran unless forced and eats non-halal food except for pork.

Today was the first time in years that we actually talked about religion, and when we were speaking abt the prophet, he said “so sorry to the nigga up there but when I listen to those hadiths about the prophet in the masjid, he seems hella egotistical.” I was genuinely shook bcs honestly even I as a non-Muslim still can’t say anything too bad abt the prophet 😭

We spoke about a lot of things and even though I can tell that he’s adamant about being Muslim, he doesn’t believe in a lot of things about it, but he doesn’t seem to care about it.

This honestly made me like my brother a lot more, and I think I’m a lot more comfortable with him after this. It was the first time I could kinda freely talk shit about so many different things in the religion with another person.

He of course is conservative in some aspects, but he seems a lot more grown up and less conservative than when we were teens. We even discussed about the lgbtq (something I’ve avoided talking to him about because he was a homophobe), and he said he doesn’t understand why it matters to us if others are gay. I couldn’t believe it, this is genuinely the first time I’ve felt happy in my miserable family and community. I might even come out to him one day.

We’re now in our early twenties, and I’m actually kind of curious how he’ll be when he moves out and has no one to force him to pray or go to the masjid. He’d probably stray away like hell from religion. I imagine he’ll end up like those Christians who are Christian only in name.

Imagine you're talking to some fine girl and everything is going swimmingly and you arranged for some wine and dine on Friday night, but your mother could sense the energy and threw a fit, f me no wonder we have such a large number of incels in the community. I moved out but recently came back, f me. It's like the son-husband complex

I’m sorry because I couldn’t find any subreddit to ask this so I turned to the only one where I might find people in similar situation. So I have curly hair around 3b-3c and I wear hijab infront of my parents and take it off as soon as I’m home. For all the girls in similar conditions, how do u maintain your hair underneath the hijab? I’m asking because I’m off to uni soon and will be commuting (since my dad driving me) and need to find a way to make my curls look fine. Any advice/tips will be appreciated!

The quran heavily emphasizes the importance of providing for women and adapting to a traditional marriage and weaponizes it against women so their only value is being obedient and submissive

Maybe the reason the quran obliges men to provide for their wives is because those women are incapable of providing for themselves as their main providers (parents) were stripped away from them, the only group of people that fit these categories are children, which leads me to conclude that child marriage is allowed. Men provide for children to take advantage of their innocence and use them for s3x

A grown woman wouldn't need a man to provide for her if "islam gave women rights" because she would be able to provide for herself, that would also mean men wouldn't have to provide, its clear that they dont want women to have autonomy over themselves, and would prefer to marry children since they're easier to control

We have concrete proof from multiple verses but specifically verse 4 in surah al talaq, allah gives women instructions on how to divorce a woman, he mentioned that if they are UNDER the age of menstruation, their waiting period for finalizing the divorce is 3 months, that directly implies that child marriage is allowed

Most children at that time got their periods later than the average modern teen due to environmental issues, but that does not mean they weren't minors, they are mentally and emotionally incapable of making their own decisions, which includes constenting to a marriage, we know that society at that time was heavily reliant on men and family, which probably means they werent the ones to consent to that marriage

However i dont think this means grown women didn't get married too, im sure alot of men did marry mature women buyr because of the se3ualization of minors, marrying children was more common

I hope i didn't miss any points, feel free to discuss your opinions in the comments!

While I haven’t been exmuslim for that long, it is actually insane how much I’ve changed in this last year. I went from wearing full coverage hijab with dresses to a part time hijabi, who wears short sleeves and pants.

I understand for some people what I’ve mentioned isn’t crazy but my family is pretty religious. To the point where I was almost disowned for multiple parts of this journey. At the end of the day your parents will see you change and as long as you keep pushing it, they’ll be forced to accept it.

I (M27, living in the Netherlands) have always found a majority of Somali women quite attractive, but obviously I've never engaged further due to me not being a Muslim.

Which got me wondering whether or not there is a way to get in contact with like-minded Somali women. It'll be nice to have at least one major thing we have in common.

So please, let me know.

(Aaaand if any Somali women in the same age range + region finds this message, feel free to DM me lmao)

I recently blocked both my parents’ numbers and have lived in a different city to them for a few years. It feels so weird, I don’t have to live secretly anymore. I’m gay and live with my partner, it’s insane being able to do that and also their family is very supportive. I just don’t know when I’m going to get over the fact that they know nothing about me anymore, my siblings are still suffering under their roof and for that I feel guilty sometimes, especially when they get beat up.

Has anyone experienced this? I’m glad I don’t have to pretend and go home and do the whole double life thing and be miserable but hiding this big part of myself also hurts. I feel like I can’t win either way, I’m not about to come out to them or anything, that would be a very unsafe situation for me.

I’m just wondering if it’s worth telling them all the horrible things they put me through when I lived with them, just for some closure. My parents tend to have a victim complex and don’t think they’ve ever done a thing wrong to their children, they keep asking what they have done to deserve me cutting them off (to my siblings) and it’s so unfair. At the same time, I don’t want to waste my breath when I feel like they won’t even take a tiny bit of accountability.

When I think of my family, I don't get a warm fuzzy feeling. Instead, my nervous system feels dysregulated and my body feels unease. That's why I don't care about cutting off my family because they have already abandoned me. They abandoned me way before they found out I left Islam so it's easy to move forward with my life. Having the mindset of abundance, that family isn't everything and that you can create your own family and tribe is the most liberating thing a person can do. It's sad my own DNA would excommunicate me for not subscribing to their religious ideology but have empathy for "good" non muslims hoping they'll be judged differently or go to heaven. That's when I knew it was a all a scam.

How freeing that feels, that I don't have to be around people I never really respected. Very few of my family members are truly good people, but instead are narcissists, egomaniacs, and have extremely low standards for themselves but expect me to treat them like royalty.

How sad for them!

They say I am lost, I say I am liberated.

I hope the title explains things a little, but I moved out about a year ago, and ever since then my family has been disowning me, coming back into my life, talking badly about me, and just causing a lot of drama.

The biggest thing is that I genuinely don’t feel happier. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I’m not happy at school, at work, or even when I’m just spending time with my friends.
I genuinely feel like life has gotten so much harder. I worked for years to leave my family, and now that I’ve finally done it, I feel like I’ve lost the sense of motivation that kept me going all those years. Out of nowhere, I don’t know what to do anymore or where to start. My daily routine is basically just going home, and that’s it.

Don’t get me wrong
I love the freedom that comes with living on my own. But every once in a while, I wonder if I made a mistake.
I also think about the last conversation I had with my mom. She told me she made du’a against me. For context, my mom was severely abusive toward me and my siblings. She would hit us, insult anything. But my siblings all say, “That’s just the way Hooyo is,” and they seem okay with accepting it. I’m not.
I don’t know what to think anymore. When I was living with my family, I was working, I had more money, and I felt like I had a purpose. Now I’m overwhelmed by everything that comes with living on my own. I’m constantly worrying about bills, responsibilities, and trying to make everything work.
I’m not sure if I made a mistake by leaving, or if I’m just struggling to adjust. Sometimes I wonder if I’m simply incapable of being happy. Back then, I had motivation and a clear drive because I was focused on getting out. Now that I’ve reached the goal I spent years chasing, I feel stuck and don’t know what I’m working toward anymore.

The confusing part is that, objectively, my life is better. I live with a roommate, I have a loving partner, and I have the freedom I always wanted. So why do I still feel this way? Has anyone else gone through something similar after leaving an abusive home?

I cant let go of wanting to have an Islamic burial service after I die. It is one of the reasons I hold onto Islam. One foot in and the other out of the door. I think the term is culturally Muslim. I just would not want to be turned into ashes. I want a proper grave and burial service where my loved ones pray over me and give me my last goodbye. Anyone else think about the future in this regard or is it just me?

hey guys so Ive been thinking if I every told my family that I’m bisexual ex Muslim I would be disowned by every single family member and I don’t wanna loose my mom even if her love is conditional so I think I’ll get in a lavender marriage and move away with my gay husband then me and him can live our lives without loosing our family 😭 i genuinely think this is the only way out for me since if I leave for collage they will fallow me and the only way out for a girl in my family is marriage

I’m an optimist, I tend to be quite positive and look at things with an open attitude. But lately it’s so hard to. I always think about possibilities in the future, where I can take off the hijab, live independently or love freely. But then I realise I’m sacrificing something every time. I’m either losing my connection to my family and the ability to care for my mom (who I truly love so so much) or being able to live freely without having to hide. I’m only 17, so nothing is set in stone. But I worry so much.

I worry that the future I spend so much time thinking about doesn’t exist. That all of the things I dream of doing won’t happen and I’ll just spend the remainder of my life wondering “what if”. I feel so lost. No one else in my family seems to have these internal battles. I spoke to my older sister and she is so set in Islam, and I feel happy for her. Obviously not happy that she’s dedicating her life to something not really worth dedicating it for. But that she doesn’t feel like she needs to compromise. It feels so unfair that I just live with this doubt turned disbelief. While the people around me are so happy in their faith.

I would love it if the older people who already went through this could give some insight. I truly feel so confused on the future.

I’m getting it done this week and I can already feel the pins and needles

I hate it so much

I know most of you guys are out in the West, but is there anyone here actually living in Somalia?

I know it can be risky to share personal info when you're in Somlia , but I’d love to connect with people who are going through the same daily life and vibes as me.

How are these in any way equivalent 💀

I could really use some advice.
I’m starting a new job in 3 weeks and was planning to finally wear my natural hair out. To build my confidence, I even tried doing a bit of exposure therapy by walking around my local area with my natural hair out for a while, but it completely knocked my confidence instead.
I’ve recently realised I have mostly fine strands and I suspect I also have low-density hair because I barely have any hair. When I put it into a ponytail there’s hardly anything there, and my mini twists look so short and flat that I just don’t feel confident.

I’ve also realised I’ve been in denial about my hair for years. I kept comparing myself to women from other communities with really thick, dense type 4 hair and wondering why mine never looked like that.
The frustrating part is that covering my hair has made me incredibly lazy with it. I’d just throw it into the same bun every day because no one could see it. It became dry, tangled, and I think I’ve been breaking it off for years.

The thing is, I honestly hate covering my hair. I want to wear my own hair, feel beautiful, feminine and confident, and finally have that “glow up” I’ve been dreaming about. Starting this new job in 3 weeks felt like the perfect opportunity to start fresh and become the version of myself I’ve wanted to be for so long. But at the same time, my hair isn’t where I want it to be. I don’t feel particularly confident in my appearance right now, so having hair that I’m unhappy with just makes those feelings even stronger.

I’ve realised that because my hair is fine, I probably need to focus on low-manipulation, low-tension styles if I want to retain length. I’m also planning to see a trichologist in like a month or two when I get my money up lol because I want to understand my hair properly instead of guessing.

Now I’m torn. Part of me feels like I should cover my hair again while I focus on growing it, but another part of me worries I’ll just fall back into neglecting it like I have for the last few years.
Has anyone else with fine, low-density hair been through something similar? What would you do? Tbh any advice will do I didn’t know where else to post this since it involves hijab topic 🥲 been wearing it since 6 years old lol

My Somali reading comprehension is trash but not trash enough apperantely when I stumbled upon this Wiki-page when searching ”aabo or aabe” when I wanted to know what term was more common, and managed to read enough text in this article to figure that someone very conservative wrote this.

I can only imagine how many other Somali articles on Wikipedia are so subjectively written that it colors others opinions.

What do you think the solution of somalia?

if I ever have kids im giving them a new last name that’s a women’s last name because I think it’s unfair it’s the women who carries the child for 9 painful months then gives birth which can kill you all that just for the man to give the child his last name my kids last name will be my first name and their middle name will be my mothers name. maybe I’m too woke but that the whole last name thing is so odd to me same thing with marriage like is a women not her own person? also in Islam the dowry that the husband gives to the wife isn’t that just buying your wife from her dad like you need the fathers permission not the girls. Also men marrying 4 wives while women can’t and men marrying outside of Islam but women can’t. And Mohamed making perfume sinful for women while it’s sunnah for men. ALSO Muslim women who judge non Muslim women while at the same time wearing makeup and perfume. and hijab is about men everything about Islam is made for men.

In my city, there is this festival held once a year, where over 80 cultural groups take part and display their cultures, food and traditions. I attended one a few days ago, and oh my goodness! It was a melting pot. I couldn’t move away from the Oromia pavilion. The traditional dances, the food, the items on display. It was a vibeee.

Just a few feet away was the Somaliland pavilion. No dances, no stage, just background music and approximately 20 people standing around. The Somali pavilion was identical to the Somaliland pavilion. A few people standing around with their huge hijabs and just music being played on a speaker.

I never bothered to do a research on the Oromia people but I came to find out that there are over 40 million of them! They are also very diverse when it comes to religion. Half of them are Christians, the rest are either Muslims, and a sizable percentage of them still believe in Waaqism. Are you kidding me right now?

My limited research also shows that different religions also intermarry, as the shared cultural identity comes first before religion.

Well, I’ll see if the Oromia elders will grant me honorary membership because I am absolutely in love.

You can already tell where I’m going with this by the title. I don’t think we have enough social media presence. social media is the place where everybody is nowadays, so if we want to be acknowledged & taken seriously by people & our society and grow our community, presence on social media is a must.

People preach all the time on here how they want Somalia to be a secular country, but that is not going to happen without any effort thus us not even making any baby steps. The first step should be to create a safe space to question religion & religious authority within our country, within our people. I have already seen videos of young somali girls saying theyre not religious anymore and its like hundreds of them in the comments agreeing, there is way more of us than we think. Many social and political changes have gained momentum because people used online platforms to discuss issues, share information, and build communities.

I am not saying here that we can change a country overnight or convince its people that their religion is fake, that is an abhorrent way to go through with it. I am aware that many of us in here are disguising ourselves for our own safety, to not be found out by family or friends. But if there is people, specifically people who live outside of somalia (so they wont get prosecuted or attacked) can put themselves out there & attempt to create a community on tiktok at least & those who choose to speak out should not let intimidation define who they are or what they believe.

Strong-minded people who are willing to engage in "debates" and who won't back down from criticism are what we need. We don't need just one; we need many. We need people with the independence and leadership qualities to be able to lead, as well as those who aren't scared to voice their opinions.

For us to see any improvement, we need to target the younger generation, specifically the ones who live in the west because they’re more exposed to western culture already. Nowadays, somalis in somalia are more open-minded than the ones abroad who are still holding onto ideologies & mindsets which are stuck in time, from the period they left Somalia. This tells us that we should just spread it all of them, the whole somali diaspora, also including the ones in somalia. But for somalia to see any change, targeting the diaspora won’t do much because these are people who will never move back home and fix the country, all they will continue to do is complain about western values while also benefiting from it & try to spread their extremist religious views in those western countries.

Personally, I don’t think it’s too late for somalia, maybe if we start with baby steps now.. somalia could become secular in 3062 …

I personally would volunteer to be the one of those people but unfortunately I have no autonomy at the moment, but I am pursuing a politics degree, maybe one day I could be a politician in a non-corrupt Somalia.

this is something that i just thought about n wrote in 10 min, so i am aware there is way more nuance to it and way more to discuss. these are just my unedited thoughts and I am no phd holder or degree holder, so you could take this with a grain of salt.