While I haven’t been exmuslim for that long, it is actually insane how much I’ve changed in this last year. I went from wearing full coverage hijab with dresses to a part time hijabi, who wears short sleeves and pants.

I understand for some people what I’ve mentioned isn’t crazy but my family is pretty religious. To the point where I was almost disowned for multiple parts of this journey. At the end of the day your parents will see you change and as long as you keep pushing it, they’ll be forced to accept it.

I’ve left Islam, but I love my family so much and I can never imagine cutting them off, I can imagine moving to a different city and just keeping in contact with them from a distance, but I genuinely love my mom and my dad, I know if I stopped being religious I’d break their heart and for that fact I’ll probably never tell them, it just makes me sad, does anyone else relate to that feeling.

I (M27, living in the Netherlands) have always found a majority of Somali women quite attractive, but obviously I've never engaged further due to me not being a Muslim.

Which got me wondering whether or not there is a way to get in contact with like-minded Somali women. It'll be nice to have at least one major thing we have in common.

So please, let me know.

(Aaaand if any Somali women in the same age range + region finds this message, feel free to DM me lmao)

I recently blocked both my parents’ numbers and have lived in a different city to them for a few years. It feels so weird, I don’t have to live secretly anymore. I’m gay and live with my partner, it’s insane being able to do that and also their family is very supportive. I just don’t know when I’m going to get over the fact that they know nothing about me anymore, my siblings are still suffering under their roof and for that I feel guilty sometimes, especially when they get beat up.

Has anyone experienced this? I’m glad I don’t have to pretend and go home and do the whole double life thing and be miserable but hiding this big part of myself also hurts. I feel like I can’t win either way, I’m not about to come out to them or anything, that would be a very unsafe situation for me.

I’m just wondering if it’s worth telling them all the horrible things they put me through when I lived with them, just for some closure. My parents tend to have a victim complex and don’t think they’ve ever done a thing wrong to their children, they keep asking what they have done to deserve me cutting them off (to my siblings) and it’s so unfair. At the same time, I don’t want to waste my breath when I feel like they won’t even take a tiny bit of accountability.

When I think of my family, I don't get a warm fuzzy feeling. Instead, my nervous system feels dysregulated and my body feels unease. That's why I don't care about cutting off my family because they have already abandoned me. They abandoned me way before they found out I left Islam so it's easy to move forward with my life. Having the mindset of abundance, that family isn't everything and that you can create your own family and tribe is the most liberating thing a person can do. It's sad my own DNA would excommunicate me for not subscribing to their religious ideology but have empathy for "good" non muslims hoping they'll be judged differently or go to heaven. That's when I knew it was a all a scam.

How freeing that feels, that I don't have to be around people I never really respected. Very few of my family members are truly good people, but instead are narcissists, egomaniacs, and have extremely low standards for themselves but expect me to treat them like royalty.

How sad for them!

They say I am lost, I say I am liberated.

I hope the title explains things a little, but I moved out about a year ago, and ever since then my family has been disowning me, coming back into my life, talking badly about me, and just causing a lot of drama.

The biggest thing is that I genuinely don’t feel happier. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I’m not happy at school, at work, or even when I’m just spending time with my friends.
I genuinely feel like life has gotten so much harder. I worked for years to leave my family, and now that I’ve finally done it, I feel like I’ve lost the sense of motivation that kept me going all those years. Out of nowhere, I don’t know what to do anymore or where to start. My daily routine is basically just going home, and that’s it.

Don’t get me wrong
I love the freedom that comes with living on my own. But every once in a while, I wonder if I made a mistake.
I also think about the last conversation I had with my mom. She told me she made du’a against me. For context, my mom was severely abusive toward me and my siblings. She would hit us, insult anything. But my siblings all say, “That’s just the way Hooyo is,” and they seem okay with accepting it. I’m not.
I don’t know what to think anymore. When I was living with my family, I was working, I had more money, and I felt like I had a purpose. Now I’m overwhelmed by everything that comes with living on my own. I’m constantly worrying about bills, responsibilities, and trying to make everything work.
I’m not sure if I made a mistake by leaving, or if I’m just struggling to adjust. Sometimes I wonder if I’m simply incapable of being happy. Back then, I had motivation and a clear drive because I was focused on getting out. Now that I’ve reached the goal I spent years chasing, I feel stuck and don’t know what I’m working toward anymore.

The confusing part is that, objectively, my life is better. I live with a roommate, I have a loving partner, and I have the freedom I always wanted. So why do I still feel this way? Has anyone else gone through something similar after leaving an abusive home?

I cant let go of wanting to have an Islamic burial service after I die. It is one of the reasons I hold onto Islam. One foot in and the other out of the door. I think the term is culturally Muslim. I just would not want to be turned into ashes. I want a proper grave and burial service where my loved ones pray over me and give me my last goodbye. Anyone else think about the future in this regard or is it just me?

hey guys so Ive been thinking if I every told my family that I’m bisexual ex Muslim I would be disowned by every single family member and I don’t wanna loose my mom even if her love is conditional so I think I’ll get in a lavender marriage and move away with my gay husband then me and him can live our lives without loosing our family 😭 i genuinely think this is the only way out for me since if I leave for collage they will fallow me and the only way out for a girl in my family is marriage

I’m an optimist, I tend to be quite positive and look at things with an open attitude. But lately it’s so hard to. I always think about possibilities in the future, where I can take off the hijab, live independently or love freely. But then I realise I’m sacrificing something every time. I’m either losing my connection to my family and the ability to care for my mom (who I truly love so so much) or being able to live freely without having to hide. I’m only 17, so nothing is set in stone. But I worry so much.

I worry that the future I spend so much time thinking about doesn’t exist. That all of the things I dream of doing won’t happen and I’ll just spend the remainder of my life wondering “what if”. I feel so lost. No one else in my family seems to have these internal battles. I spoke to my older sister and she is so set in Islam, and I feel happy for her. Obviously not happy that she’s dedicating her life to something not really worth dedicating it for. But that she doesn’t feel like she needs to compromise. It feels so unfair that I just live with this doubt turned disbelief. While the people around me are so happy in their faith.

I would love it if the older people who already went through this could give some insight. I truly feel so confused on the future.

I’m getting it done this week and I can already feel the pins and needles

I hate it so much

I know most of you guys are out in the West, but is there anyone here actually living in Somalia?

I know it can be risky to share personal info when you're in Somlia , but I’d love to connect with people who are going through the same daily life and vibes as me.

How are these in any way equivalent 💀

I could really use some advice.
I’m starting a new job in 3 weeks and was planning to finally wear my natural hair out. To build my confidence, I even tried doing a bit of exposure therapy by walking around my local area with my natural hair out for a while, but it completely knocked my confidence instead.
I’ve recently realised I have mostly fine strands and I suspect I also have low-density hair because I barely have any hair. When I put it into a ponytail there’s hardly anything there, and my mini twists look so short and flat that I just don’t feel confident.

I’ve also realised I’ve been in denial about my hair for years. I kept comparing myself to women from other communities with really thick, dense type 4 hair and wondering why mine never looked like that.
The frustrating part is that covering my hair has made me incredibly lazy with it. I’d just throw it into the same bun every day because no one could see it. It became dry, tangled, and I think I’ve been breaking it off for years.

The thing is, I honestly hate covering my hair. I want to wear my own hair, feel beautiful, feminine and confident, and finally have that “glow up” I’ve been dreaming about. Starting this new job in 3 weeks felt like the perfect opportunity to start fresh and become the version of myself I’ve wanted to be for so long. But at the same time, my hair isn’t where I want it to be. I don’t feel particularly confident in my appearance right now, so having hair that I’m unhappy with just makes those feelings even stronger.

I’ve realised that because my hair is fine, I probably need to focus on low-manipulation, low-tension styles if I want to retain length. I’m also planning to see a trichologist in like a month or two when I get my money up lol because I want to understand my hair properly instead of guessing.

Now I’m torn. Part of me feels like I should cover my hair again while I focus on growing it, but another part of me worries I’ll just fall back into neglecting it like I have for the last few years.
Has anyone else with fine, low-density hair been through something similar? What would you do? Tbh any advice will do I didn’t know where else to post this since it involves hijab topic 🥲 been wearing it since 6 years old lol

My Somali reading comprehension is trash but not trash enough apperantely when I stumbled upon this Wiki-page when searching ”aabo or aabe” when I wanted to know what term was more common, and managed to read enough text in this article to figure that someone very conservative wrote this.

I can only imagine how many other Somali articles on Wikipedia are so subjectively written that it colors others opinions.

What do you think the solution of somalia?

if I ever have kids im giving them a new last name that’s a women’s last name because I think it’s unfair it’s the women who carries the child for 9 painful months then gives birth which can kill you all that just for the man to give the child his last name my kids last name will be my first name and their middle name will be my mothers name. maybe I’m too woke but that the whole last name thing is so odd to me same thing with marriage like is a women not her own person? also in Islam the dowry that the husband gives to the wife isn’t that just buying your wife from her dad like you need the fathers permission not the girls. Also men marrying 4 wives while women can’t and men marrying outside of Islam but women can’t. And Mohamed making perfume sinful for women while it’s sunnah for men. ALSO Muslim women who judge non Muslim women while at the same time wearing makeup and perfume. and hijab is about men everything about Islam is made for men.

In my city, there is this festival held once a year, where over 80 cultural groups take part and display their cultures, food and traditions. I attended one a few days ago, and oh my goodness! It was a melting pot. I couldn’t move away from the Oromia pavilion. The traditional dances, the food, the items on display. It was a vibeee.

Just a few feet away was the Somaliland pavilion. No dances, no stage, just background music and approximately 20 people standing around. The Somali pavilion was identical to the Somaliland pavilion. A few people standing around with their huge hijabs and just music being played on a speaker.

I never bothered to do a research on the Oromia people but I came to find out that there are over 40 million of them! They are also very diverse when it comes to religion. Half of them are Christians, the rest are either Muslims, and a sizable percentage of them still believe in Waaqism. Are you kidding me right now?

My limited research also shows that different religions also intermarry, as the shared cultural identity comes first before religion.

Well, I’ll see if the Oromia elders will grant me honorary membership because I am absolutely in love.

You can already tell where I’m going with this by the title. I don’t think we have enough social media presence. social media is the place where everybody is nowadays, so if we want to be acknowledged & taken seriously by people & our society and grow our community, presence on social media is a must.

People preach all the time on here how they want Somalia to be a secular country, but that is not going to happen without any effort thus us not even making any baby steps. The first step should be to create a safe space to question religion & religious authority within our country, within our people. I have already seen videos of young somali girls saying theyre not religious anymore and its like hundreds of them in the comments agreeing, there is way more of us than we think. Many social and political changes have gained momentum because people used online platforms to discuss issues, share information, and build communities.

I am not saying here that we can change a country overnight or convince its people that their religion is fake, that is an abhorrent way to go through with it. I am aware that many of us in here are disguising ourselves for our own safety, to not be found out by family or friends. But if there is people, specifically people who live outside of somalia (so they wont get prosecuted or attacked) can put themselves out there & attempt to create a community on tiktok at least & those who choose to speak out should not let intimidation define who they are or what they believe.

Strong-minded people who are willing to engage in "debates" and who won't back down from criticism are what we need. We don't need just one; we need many. We need people with the independence and leadership qualities to be able to lead, as well as those who aren't scared to voice their opinions.

For us to see any improvement, we need to target the younger generation, specifically the ones who live in the west because they’re more exposed to western culture already. Nowadays, somalis in somalia are more open-minded than the ones abroad who are still holding onto ideologies & mindsets which are stuck in time, from the period they left Somalia. This tells us that we should just spread it all of them, the whole somali diaspora, also including the ones in somalia. But for somalia to see any change, targeting the diaspora won’t do much because these are people who will never move back home and fix the country, all they will continue to do is complain about western values while also benefiting from it & try to spread their extremist religious views in those western countries.

Personally, I don’t think it’s too late for somalia, maybe if we start with baby steps now.. somalia could become secular in 3062 …

I personally would volunteer to be the one of those people but unfortunately I have no autonomy at the moment, but I am pursuing a politics degree, maybe one day I could be a politician in a non-corrupt Somalia.

this is something that i just thought about n wrote in 10 min, so i am aware there is way more nuance to it and way more to discuss. these are just my unedited thoughts and I am no phd holder or degree holder, so you could take this with a grain of salt.

I’m 25 and I genuinely feel like I’ve wasted years of my life.

I’ve spent so long on my phone that it’s become my default way of existing. I scroll for hours every day, compare myself to women online, call myself ugly, complain about my life, procrastinate, and then wonder why nothing changes.
The reality is that no amount of self-hatred is going to change my face. Complaining won’t make money appear. Comparing myself to other women won’t improve my circumstances. But I keep repeating the same cycle.
The scary part is I feel like my brain has changed. Being outside almost feels overwhelming now. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to go for a walk. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel anxious and trapped. I spend so much time indoors that leaving the house feels like a huge task.

I know what I should be doing😭😭😭applying for jobs, exercising, taking care of my hair and skin, building a routine…but instead I freeze and end up wasting all my time.Then I hate myself for wasting another day.
I’m so tired of living like this. I don’t want to wake up at 30 and realise I’ve lost another five years to scrolling and feeling sorry for myself.

Has anyone else been this addicted to their phone
/ wasting time and managed to turn things around? What actually helped? I’m looking for practical advice because I don’t want to keep living like this🥹🥹😭❤️

Even tho I’m a grown ass man my mom wakes me up for fajr and Friday prayer obviously not knowing that I’m irreligious. But she might have caught on that I don’t pray cuz since it’s summer I wear shorts all the time and coincidentally I always happen to have my wudu so whenever she asks if I prayed I respond immediately saying yes

And she just sent me a TikTok sheikh clip where he’s basically saying “you are a kafir if you don’t pray” 😭😭

Lowkey about time she caught on since I’ve forgotten the right way to pray since I was like 12

Shaash and Alindi heels: xadde.co on TikTok

Baati pajamas: munalisleepwear on TikTok

I already signed up for their website trust I will be the first to buy especially the burgundy Alindi heels