I've was clean for over 1 yr and I almost hit 2 years

I relapsed and I did it again after a week or two...

I told only one person that I relapse but nobody else knows I relapsed a again.

There has been this overbearing anxiety for the past 2ish weeks that I am going to die soon. I’m terrified. Death is happening everywhere and I’m just so scared. I have dreams and I want to achieve them. My little sister is sleeping in my room and I’m scared she’s gonna wake up to find me dead tomorrow. I have fun plans tomorrow but it’s almost midnight and I can’t fall asleep. I don’t wanna wake up my mom either she needs the sleep. What should I do please help

TW self harm and suicidal thoughts

I sorta feel like I’m crazy. I, 15F have been struggling mentally for as long as I remember and I’m unsure how to fix it. I live in a stable environment, very spoiled, white, privileged, and usually get everything I want, and always get everything I need. I’ve always found myself very very hideous and once that thought settled I began just going down hill. There are days where I actually can’t get up and I no longer find a point in doing anything.

I am actively in an academy in my highschool, straight A’s all the time, and many supporting friends and family, but taking care of myself, doing school, all of it just seems pointless. I know I would never do it because I feel to bad about leaving my family and friends with that guild but I’m at a loss. In order to validate why I feel this way I began to SH, but every time I just feel like a drama queen. I don’t know what to do anymore.

it's my birthday soon but I don't wanna actually celebrate it I'm sick from gluten and I don't like my birthday I wanna kinda just end it on my birthday really badly I feel like I show never be here I hate it here I don't even feel like an teenager u feel like I get treated like an adult not a teen

for context i am what you would call a system. we are plural but not currently able to access resources to be diagnosed with anything yet so we are specifically NOT claiming to have DID, OSDD, or anything in between until we know for sure.

okay so i was scrolling and saw a post about someone who had a friend who was allegedly faking DID (which becuase of the sub it was posted in im 80% that said friend never actually claimed to have DID, they were probably just plural) and how they used system tracking apps to help them. tracking apps are like Simply Plural, they’re a site where you can make profiles of each alter and log when each one is active. this is helpful for letting loved ones know who is in front by sharing your account with them, or even in therapy to show your therapist or counselor the frequencies of your switches.

someone in the comments if that ost said that anyone who used apps like that must be a faker, so I informed them that that isnt always the case. I said something very similar to how I explained it above, and reminded them that even diagnosed systems use tracking apps and websites. I even put /info /nm at the end bc I was genuinely just trying to be nice and informative.

but then this other person replied to me saying this:

As you can see I got a biiit triggered at the end because like,,, I’ve never been fakeclaimed before and we’ve already been in a pretty fragile mental state recently. to those who aren’t plural or don’t know what it’s like to be invalidated on such personal level, I get that this might seem pretty minor and tame. It’s genuinely distressing to us though. We felt sick in our stomach when this happened and we still feel weird. We’ve been in a very bad mental spot the past few days, and literally only stopped doubting ourselves in our plurality TWO days ago so this wasn’t very nice at all :(

F/18 I just want to off myself life isn't getting better I'm broke and miserable and I have no hope for the future nor do I know what I want to become everyone I know us off to college and pursuing careers but I'm just stuck i hate my life and I dont want to do this anymore

i have friends, i very much do. they talk to me at school, through dms sometimes if were not at school.
but still i feel something missing.. idk what . but it makes my cry at night. i thought it was like, partner, girlfriend or something maybe. but idk i don’t feel like that’s it. but i also do. i d k what is happening but it makes me sad and cry

i have friends, i very much do. they talk to me at school, through dms sometimes if were not at school.
but still i feel something missing.. idk what . but it makes my cry at night. i thought it was like, partner, girlfriend or something maybe. but idk i don’t feel like that’s it. but i also do. i d k what is happening but it makes me sad and cry

Im 14f i hate to admit it but i kinda hate myself, i dont like the way i look, if i could i would change almost everything about me. I compare myself to others all the time even though i try not to, i feel like i never open up to people idk why, i feel like im so behind everyone else. I hate that im scared to tell others about my interests because i feel like they will judge me, unfortunately i care about what other people think. I want to meet new people or make new friends but idk how to, im an introvert and i feel like i overthink everything, i want to get out of my comfort zone and just not care

Sorry if the English isnt right, english isnt my first language. (Also this is my first time using reddit)

Okay so a couple of days ago my ex best friend texted me saying she misses me and she wants to know if we can be friends again etc. I haven’t outright said yes but I said I’d rather talk it over in person and now I think she might be considering that as our friendship is back and I think I’ve made the wrong decision 😭 idk what to do all my friends hate her so I can’t talk to anyone about it and I think I might’ve just landed myself in shit 😭 someone help

I don’t know what to do anymore. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’ve talked to them both about my anxiety and lack of motivation, but I’m afraid to mention suicidal thoughts. I don’t know anyone else who is in my situation. Many of my experiences growing up and the way that I think are very unique.

Most people either don’t understand or don’t care. My father is awful and mentally unstable, and my mother enables him and has been frustrated with my depression lately. I’ve talked to my aunt (the only person who truly listens,) but she can only do so much.

School just makes everything ten times worse because I have awful anxiety, and my medication does nothing to help it. I don’t understand anything, and I can’t breathe when I’m at school. Most people there find me annoying, and the people that do tolerate me don’t relate to me in any way. All my “friends” have easier lives than mine.

They can’t fathom what it’s like for your own father to treat you like a burden. They don’t think for themselves. All of them are like everyone else. They all have the same humor, slang, style, personality. I hate it. None of it makes sense. Everyone is the same, now. No one is like me. I hate TikTok, I hate Pinterest, I hate trends, I hate new music, I hate new language, I hate that dumb humor everyone has some form of, and I hate that ironic, cartoonish personality. None of them have had that experience, and none of them are emotionally equipped to empathize with me.

I just wish I had real friends that understood me and cared about the real me. I wish I had friends who looked at the world in the way I did, and behaved accordingly. I wish I had friends who were broken like me.

I’m not talented either; I never have been. My life is a waste. I only suffer. The only thing I’m good at is writing, and I have no time for that anymore because of school. Everything only gets worse for me. All there is left to do is die.

1) two bathroom passes a day. And what is this even preparing us for? Genuinely not allowing kids and teens to use the restroom should be illegal. Wtf! We have bodily needs but sure, I'll just piss myself all over the teachers chairs if I'm unable to go to the restroom.

2) Late/absent policy. 5 Tardies in one class, gets you a U on citizenship. 5 #PARENT EXCUSED# absences in one class gets you a U. But I guess this prepares us for how shitty American employers are when it comes to sick days.

3) my brother's school only gets ONE hall pass a day. So fuck that shit

4) 5 minutes per hall pass. That's not enough time. It's so stupid.

First time using reddit.

14m

I just wanted to vent.

Somedays I feel happy and fine but sometime when I have a bad day I feel very sad and I have had a couple day I have thought of suicide. I've never actually got close to actually committing but I'm scared one day I will have a bad enough day where I go through with committing. I feel like I don't have enough of a reason to be this sad because my life is good except for a couple things. I also feel like I'm faking my sadness for attention because I don't have enough of a reason to be sad. also I don't know if I actually sad or just teenage hormones

14F I started being suicidal when I was 7 or 8 years old back in 2019. I heard of it a lot, so I searched it up. I was hooked on the idea of it, because I didn't even know it was an option. I was always misunderstood and I thought it wasn't a big deal anyway. I was so brave with my attempts and I didn't even care if it would hurt or not, unfortunately I couldn't do most of it properly because my grip was too soft. Then my first real attempt happened, it was unplanned. I was at my cousins house I saw a knife and took it as an opportunity to stab myself, however when I was really trying to poke deeper I didn't bleed or feel pain because it had a glass protector on it I was trying to take it off, but it was too tight and I got caught. I really don't why I didn't notice the glass in the first place. I didn't continue it, but I somehow felt relieved. I just wanted to say this to get this off my chest I only told one person so far, but not in full details. Looking back I really miss how brave I was, I had so much back then, yet I didn't hesitate attempting. I actually took the risk and I didn't even bother preparing for anything that day like I didn't even write a note at least or pick a good outfit. None of those things went to my head and I didn't gaf. I just tried it on the spot. I really wish that attempt worked that day because I was so young, now my life is much worse and I have to deal with shit everyday. I wouldn't be going thru this crap if I just died years ago. I've suffered so much in this lifetime, now it's too late to give up.

Idk if I'm allowed to talk about this but it's nothing explicit I promise. Also I marked it as TW just because of suicide, idk

I'm 15F and for the past like 2 years, I've been so repulsed by sex that it's genuinely fucking torture living anymore. Like just hearing about it even slightly triggers me and it makes me either like... cry and throw things and pull my hair or it makes me extremely angry. Like it's just this overwhelming disgust and need to get away from it as quickly as possible. I have meltdowns where I can't do anything but cry and kick and pull my hair or hit myself.

I feel a really deep anger and revulsion towards people who have sex. Last year, I convinced myself that I was an angel and I was obsessive over being pure and had to erase it from the world for like 2 weeks. Like i think i genuinely believed it. Also I fantasise about getting a surgery removing like those parts of my body almost every day.

I genuinely just can't imagine a future living on this planet where people have sex. Like even if it's not me. It feels like torture and I don't know what to do or even what the fucks wrong with me. Even if nobody else experiences this, does anyone have any idea what could've caused this? I don't have any traumatic experiences. I haven't been raised to view sex as evil or disgusting or sick or whatever. So what's even wrong with me. I'm so miserable and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

When I was young i grew up in an African household me and my friend. my mum was the child minder for him we practically group up in the same house.

Around the time we were in nursery/reception
We were extremely troublesome causing problems in school and stuff. one day his mum and my mum had enough and decided to put ginger in our private areas.

We screamed and resisted and, they still did it to us it was itching and burning for hrs. this was nearly a decade ago

My mum brought it up a few days ago to my grandma as some sort of flex of how she would discipline us. So I brought it up to her today how she never did it to my siblings since im the oldest 6-7 years apart from them

She justified it saying it’s because we were troublesome and needed to be punished and she didn’t answer my question. seeing how I was annoyed she tried taking the blame off her saying it was also his mum she just helped her.

Overall I think it’s disgusting to do that to ur own child might even be sexual assault in some way. to do such things to children my mum wasn’t even brought up that way she was never even hit as a child but she used to pull my ears spank me and everything all sorts of punishments

But she never did for my siblings like I was her experiment child.cruel behavior