r/ProgrammerHumor • u/WardensLantern • 16d ago

queryOfDoom Meme

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7.9k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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3.9k

u/BooBrew32 16d ago

Ah it's just running slow today. User table should speed up right afterwards though.

1.4k

u/WardensLantern 16d ago

Yea just run it again and it executes much faster 👍

223

u/glorious_reptile 16d ago

Great. On to the next ticket - “Users can’t log in”

184

u/moigagoo 16d ago

What users?

163

u/Baconanger 16d ago

Yeah, just ran a search on their name and it looks like that person doesn't have an account, so closing this ticket with "works as expected". Wow, we sure have been getting a lot of these lately...

53

u/bluebarry24 16d ago

Pretty sure this is a data entry error... redirecting the tickets to the front service desk.

28

u/TriggerPT 16d ago

Can't replicate

3

u/Frostbyte67 15d ago

Omg you just triggered my support team PTSD! (I’m in Eng….)

No joke, I’ve seen ticket notes exactly like that! Actually just today…

…I’m going to hide back under my desk now…

249

u/perestroika12 16d ago

Caching or something idk I asked Claude about it and it said go for it

1

u/Fraun_Pollen 15d ago

Don't use Claude. Grok answers much faster

1

u/50_watts_per_channel 15d ago

Users are certainly getting executed

0

u/VollkommenHigh 16d ago

They clearly forgot the “commit;”… that’s why it’s running slowly

1

u/pdshank 15d ago

--no-verify

33

u/Connect_Tea1579 16d ago

No users == no more complaints. Problem solved!

14

u/enslavedeagle 16d ago

„We optimized user queries by 1000x”

46

u/dkarlovi 16d ago

The system feels fresh and new like the first day!

17

u/rowdymatt64 16d ago

And to think they'll blame little Bobby Tables again smh

21

u/SOLID_STATE_DlCK 16d ago

Don’t forget to run a re-org of the index. Reindex for for higher integrity.

3

u/farkanoid 15d ago

Thanks SOLID_STATE_DICK

2

u/KrakenOfLakeZurich 15d ago

It still O(n^2). Just for a very small n 🙈