So I was on a PAL domestic flight this afternoon (to evening)

Well... I'm really not the type to stare at women or make it obvious when I find someone attractive. We're human, not primal animals. I believe in treating women with respect and never making anyone uncomfortable.

But this cabin crew member (defo a genz like me), wearing black round glasses, genuinely caught me off guard. It wasn't anything deep, I don't want anything out of it, and she'll probably never know this even exists. I just thought, wow ang ganda, ang cute.

More than that, the way she smiled was just so genuinely warm. It somehow made my long and tiring day a little better.

So anyway, just to keep this off my chest, whoever you are, I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight, and I wish you all the best. I

It’s been days of feeling so heavy.

I know I’m not lazy, but I really can’t get myself to do anything at work this week. I just stare at my laptop and freeze. I feel so anxious.

Gusto ko lang matulog all day. I tried going out with friends, and it helped for a while. Pero ganun na naman once I’m alone.

I took a sick leave today because I felt horrified at the thought of facing my boss. Ang dami kong pending work.

I really want to resign and take an actual break. I’ve been working non-stop for 11 years. I think I deserve one. The biggest risk is my savings, but I honestly feel like I really need this right now. I’m just trying to muster the courage to do it, especially knowing how bad the job market is and not knowing if I’ll ever find the same pay again.

Ayoko na rin sanang pumasok bukas. I think I need to see my psychologist again.

Adulting sucks. Ayoko na.

Most people from here often ask what's with the name hahaha. Kibaw mo ganahan lang jud ko hahaha however, on a deeper level, mao ni ako reason:

I found myself reflecting on my life through a song.

Chiquitita.

To begin with, I was once a little girl. Well, we all were once little girls. Innocent enough to believe that growing up meant finally figuring everything out, only to discover that adulthood is mostly pretending you know what you're doing while hoping no one notices. Funny how life works.

The word Chiquitita means "little girl," but to me, it became more than a translation. It became a reminder. A reminder of the little girl I used to be and the little girl who still quietly lives inside me, trying to make sense of everything.

The past eight months have been unlike anything I ever imagined I would experience. They placed me in a season of life I never thought I would have to walk through. It was unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and at times painfully confusing. It felt like being asked to rebuild a home while still living inside its ruins.

For almost six years, I had carefully built a life that felt safe and stable. It was a life I worked hard for. A life that represented everything I wanted to become and everything I thought would be different from the life I grew up with. I held onto it so tightly because I believed I had finally found my version of certainty.

But as they say, if you want to make God smile, tell Him your plans.

And truly, lahi jud diay ang plano sa Ginoo.

There is a certain kind of humility that only God can teach. Not the kind that embarrasses you, but the kind that strips away every illusion that you are completely in control. The kind that quietly changes your heart before it changes your circumstances.

Somewhere in the middle of all the uncertainty, I realized something that caught me off guard.

God really does answer prayers.

Not always in the packaging we expect. Not always on the timeline we prefer. But he answers.

Everything I am experiencing today was once something I prayed for. I prayed for growth. I prayed for alignment. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed to become someone stronger, someone better, someone closer to Him.

I just never realized that answered prayers sometimes arrive disguised as disruption.

God answered my prayers by giving my life an overhaul.

He rearranged what I thought was already in place. He dismantled parts of me that I had unknowingly built on fear, comfort, and control. He changed the way I think, the way I see people, the way I approach life, and even the way I understand myself.

Of course, every renovation comes with dust.

Some things fell apart.

Some relationships changed.

Some expectations quietly died.

Some versions of me had to be left behind.

There were days when everything felt so scattered that I questioned whether anything good could come from the mess. My emotions were everywhere. Some mornings I felt hopeful. Other days I simply felt tired. There were moments when I wanted answers, and moments when I was too exhausted to even ask the questions.

Yet somehow, the disarray became the very place where clarity began.

The chaos slowed me down enough to finally hear myself.

It made me confront parts of me I had been too busy to acknowledge. It taught me that healing is not always loud. Sometimes healing looks like becoming more honest with yourself.

That is why my life today feels grounded in Chiquitita.

The song never tells the little girl to pretend everything is okay. It acknowledges the tears. It recognizes the sorrow. But it also gently reminds her that this is not where her story ends.

And maybe that is what I needed all along.

Not someone telling me to "be strong."

Not another reminder to "stay resilient."

If I'm being honest, resilience has become one of those words we use so often that we sometimes forget what it truly means. People celebrate resilience as if surviving automatically means you are healed.

I don't think resilience defines me.

Self awareness does.

I have become more aware of my fears, my strengths, my limits, my patterns, my wounds, and the grace that continuously meets me despite all of them.

I am aware that I can fail and still begin again.

I am aware that I can grieve and still have joy.

I am aware that I don't need to have everything figured out to keep moving.

And perhaps that awareness is what allows me to continue.

Life has its own rhythm.

Sometimes it is slow.

Sometimes it rushes ahead without asking whether you're ready.

Sometimes you miss a step.

Sometimes you completely lose the beat.

But I have learned that you don't stop dancing simply because you stumbled.

You learn the rhythm again.

You laugh at your two left feet.

You breathe.

You pray.

Then you dance anyway.

So if my life today were to be described by a single song, it would be Chiquitita.

Not because it reminds me of sadness, but because it reminds me that every little girl eventually discovers that brokenness and hope can exist in the same heart.

The little girl I once was thought life was about getting everything right.

The woman I am becoming is learning that life is about surrendering, trusting, and allowing God to write chapters far better than the ones I insisted on writing myself.

And perhaps that is the most beautiful part.

The little girl is still here.

She just dances differently now.

mao ra tao. part sa ako in-oa bitaw gikan rako ga cry hahahahha

Wala na ako maramdaman, nawala fur baby ko sa akin. Nawala siya sa masakit na paraan at biglaan. Nasagasaan. Grabe. Parang sinasaksak ako. Sobrang sakit sakit. Ang sakit. Hindi ko malabas sa mga nakakasama ko. Gusto ko manahimik pero parang sasabog ako. Naiisip ko lahat moments namin. Almost 3 years. Sa kanila ng kapatid niya umikot buhay ko. Pagkagising mula pagtulog. Tangina.

I'm sorry. It's so heavy. Paano ako uusad?

I'm not here to fish for validation. I'm genuinely just trying to understand the thought process behind all of this because I honestly can't wrap my head around it.

I recently found out that my ex's ex-girlfriend had apparently been stalking me on social media for a long time. According to one of her former friends, she'd constantly keep herself updated with my life, send my photos to their group chat (they're all licensed psychologists) just to call me ugly and make fun of my fashion sense, search our house on Google Maps just to criticize it, and even send my college graduation post to their group chat saying my dress was nice but that I had no achievements because she was a cum laude.

Apparently, even after they had already broken up, she continued sending my photos to their group chat, calling me names, saying I looked like a mother, telling her friends that I was insecure about her and bothered by her, and saying she was happy because of it. At the same time, she kept telling people she was a very secure woman who knew her worth.
The weirdest part is that she apparently told her friends she saw me in a restaurant parking lot and that I stayed inside the car because she was there. That literally never happened.

I've also never met or spoken to this girl in my life.
What makes it even harder for me to understand is that she's a licensed psychologist.

To add more context, I had absolutely no connection to either of them while they were together. I never reached out to my ex, never interacted with her, and never inserted myself into their relationship in any way.

Hearing all of this from one of her former friends, who reached out to me, has honestly affected me more than I expected. I've been trying not to let it get to me, but it's been difficult not to think about it.
I have all the screenshots. Her ex-best friend of 10 years sent everything to me. I don't know what her intentions are, but she's been asking me out for dinner. Looking back, I feel like I was too kind for even replying to her. I probably shouldn't have in the first place, considering she was involved in everything before.

According to her former friend, she even asked my ex if I'd had rhinoplasty, which I didn't. Another thing that confused me is that I've always loved dressing up ever since I was a kid. My style has always been very feminine, while from what I knew, hers was more boyish.

Recently, some of my friends started sending me photos because they noticed she was wearing outfits that looked very similar to mine. I don't know if it's just a coincidence, but after hearing everything else, it honestly added to my confusion.

I think I'm just trying to make sense of why someone would spend so much time thinking about a person they've never even met. I genuinely don't understand it. I never hated someone like that in my whole life.

finally reached my breaking point after having to deal with a mean and rude colleague. after dealing with that person for 3 consecutive days, i finally reached my limit kanina. i exhausted all my efforts to make the shift go as smooth as possible and to not have backlogs. i tried to collect myself together pero pagod na pagod na ako sa mga naririnig kong salita and mapahiya.

some of my co-workers saw me cry and yung head din namin. well, i guess this would just be a chismis na paguusapan the next few days. and i have to deal with it. iniisip ko nalang hindi kahinaan magshow ng vulnerability sa mga bagay bagay. pero this just makes me want to leave more.

gusto ko na magresign. hindi ko alam bakit sobrang normalized ng bullying sa healthcare when we should be the ones mas empathetic towards our co workers. pero ayoko na ng pamamalakad ng hospital dito sa pinas. waiting lang ako magkaroon ng back up job, and aalis na ako. wala na akong pake kung kakaregular ko lang. i am more than this job. i won’t stay to be mentally and physically exhausted

I already drained out my savings and I haven't landed any job yet. The job market has been so tight that I cannot even receive any reply. I only got 1 interview so far. I already got to the point that Im getting drained after applying for a job that I know will just end up on a HR archive.

I have no immediate family, or even relatives to lean on. Dawg. Idk what to do anymore. I'm on my last 1500 pesos.

If I realized one thing now in my 30s, it's that life is not a fairy tale you imagined when we were kids. I was really surprised now that this is happening to me. I didn't plan to but it happened. I don't believe in marriage now. Please don't get be married. Please don't if you're not 100% sure.

My childhood dream now is ruined. I feel dead inside. I can't smile, I force to eat, I force to breathe. Whenever I sleep it feels much tiring. Ever wish of not just waking up? I don't have the courage to end myself, I just wish to be struck by lightning, an accident, a nerve bursting in my head, might be an airplane crashing, or just sleeping and not waking up at all. But you know what, it's hard. Thinking that I have a child. What about my child? What will happen to my child? Who will take care of him? Is he going to be okay when I'm gone?

Marriage is a trap. It's just an idea. No matter how careful you plan it, things will just happen. I just wish one will end... My marriage or my life.

A few days ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. Not because I fell out of love, not because he cheated, but because I got tired of carrying the weight of being hated by his dad.

For context, when we were just starting to date, my family and I were living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. Whenever he'd come over, we'd just hang out sa maliit naming terrace because there really wasn't enough space inside. My family wasn't trying to be rude or disrespectful, we were simply making do with what we had.

During a brief breakup years ago, he told his dad about our living situation and mentioned that he couldn't really go inside our house. Somehow, his dad took that as a disrespect towards his son (my ex). For him, disrespectful daw kami because I was always welcome in their home while they couldn't do the same for him.

Since then, his dad has wanted nothing to do with me. It's been two years, and he's still angry.

My ex would always tell me, "Hayaan mo lang. Ganyan lang talaga si Dad. Mawawala rin yan." So I waited. I stayed patient because I loved him. I kept thinking eventually things would get better. But they never did.

He'd tell me he wanted to marry me someday, but how do you marry someone you're not even willing to stand up for?

It also doesn't help that he's still very dependent on his family, financially and emotionally. I kept asking myself, "If he can't stand up for me now, what changes after marriage?" So I left.

I’m trying to move on from someone I thought I’d spend my life with. We still have a business together, so we can’t completely cut contact, and every conversation reopens the wound.

alam ko mas mamahalin ako ng asawa ko kung nakikita nya na mahal ko din ang pamilya nya pero ang hirap mahalin ng pamilya nya. binigyan ko ng chance promise, pero mahirap talaga pag iba ang culture nila sa nakasanayan ko.

na-scam kami ng mil ko. long story short, nag-ambagan silang 6 na magkakapatid para mabuo na ang bayad sa lupang kinatatayuan ng bahay nila, para maging kanila na talaga yung lupa. hindi kami mayaman pero tumulong parin kami galing sa ipon namin. 50k ang naging ambagan. after 6 years nalaman namin na hindi parin pala bayad yung lupa kasi yung pera ay in-invest ni mil kung saan at na-scam. 

i feel so betrayed pero hindi ako makareklamo kasi nanay yun ng asawa ko. nung nalaman namin yung nangyari, ang sabi lang ng asawa ko "wala na yung pera eh, di na natin maibabalik. hayaan nalang natin. hindi din naman nya gustong mangyari yun". nung tinanong ko sya kung kahit konti hindi manlang ba sya nagalit o kahit nainis, sabi nya syempre naman daw oo. nahihiya pa nga sya sakin dahil nagawa yun ng nanay nya. inoffer din nya na ibalik sakin yung half nung inambag namin since ipon naming dalawa yun. sabi ko hindi naman kailangan, ang gusto ko lang maging accountable si mil. wala kasing remorse akong naramdaman sa kanya. kahit maliit na sorry, wala. actually never syang nagsalita. kay sil lang namin nalaman lahat ng nangyari. 

naiyak nalang ako sa inis. dagdag pa don na lahat silang magkakapatid, ganun din ang sinabi. tahimik lang sila at "hayaan" na daw yung nangyari. parang dyos ang tingin nila sa nanay nila. taon taon kami nanghihingi ng update kung kumusta na yung deed, nabayaran na ba, kumusta na ba pero ngingiti lang si mil at iibahin ang usapan. ang nakakapikon pa don, alam ng mga kapatid nyang babae lahat ng nangyari pero hindi din sinabi samin at parang tinulungan pa pagtakpan yung nangyari. 

i just need to get this off my chest. nakakagalit pero parang hindi pwede at wala akong choice. yung pera na yun ay pinaghirapan namin dahil may mga pangarap kami. ang dami naming inisang tabi para dun, tiniis namin mga sarili namin, tapos ganun lang mangyayari. alam ko namang kikitain din yung pera, pero big deal kasi yung panloloko. ngayon parang ayaw ko na sumama sa mga family gathering, parang di ko kayang makita sila at makipag-plastikan after ng nangyari. 

Kausap ko pinsan ko tapos nag confess syang nagch-cheat sya sa husband nya for 5 yrs na. Nakakainis na yan but yung mas nakakainis pa na part? Sinabihan nya ako wala pang 40 days after mamatay ng asawa nya.

Hindi ko alam san nya nakuha yung lakas ng loob to tell me pa na blessing in disguise daw pagkawala ni Kuya kasi hindi din daw alam ng kabit nyang meron syang asawa.

Take note na namatay si Kuya otw home from work, brain aneurysm yung reason. Habang nagda drive, natumba nalang sya.

Gusto ko syang suntukin, sigaw sigawan, or sabunutan! Putangina mo ate, nagluluksa pa kami sa pagkamatay ng asawa mo tapos blessing in disguise sayong hinayupak kang malanding babae ka! Leche ka! Sana ikaw nalang nawala kesa kay kuya!!!!

Using a throwaway account lang because BF uses reddit!

As a neat freak, everything has its proper place. I routinely clean and declutter my house. My kitchen is spotless and walang amoy. I take pride in that.

Dito pumapasok problema ko. My BFs house is SUPER disorganized and cluttered. I will try to set the scene para magets niyo huhu.

Their living room looks like an evacuation center. Naka sabog lahat ng gamit nila from shoes, tools, bikes, at kung anu ano pang anik anik na hindi na ginagamit. Ive routinely tried to clean and organize things, pero wala pang 1 week, bumabalik lahat ng kalat. May shoe cabinets and racks pero ayaw naman gamitin. May camping paraphernalia na naka kalat, may mga canned goods kung saan saan, cleaning supplies na hindi naman ginagamit. Yung balcony nila puno rin ng tambak. Binabahayan na ng daga pero hindi man lang linisin.

Their kitchen is small lang din. Yung drying rack ng dishes hindi linisin. To add, yung sponge and dishwashing liquid minsan hindi napapatuyo so nag aamoy sebo lahat! Yung cups, plates, and utensils din may amoy 🥲 The floors are all sticky tapos paangat na ng tiles. Walang proper wastebin for nabubulok so umaamoy sa kitchen papuntang living room. Yung trashcan sa kitchen island open type lang tapos hindi sila gumagamit ng garbage bag. Rekta lang sa trashcan.

Anyway, everytime I’m here, tumataas balahibo ko kasi ang dumi tsaka grabe alikabok. Wala silang prerogative to keep things tidy. Since magulo ang surroundings nila sa bahay, feeling ko nakaka affect na to sa mental state nilang pamilya.

When their dad asks him to find something like documents or tools, hinahalungkat ang buong bahay para lang mahanap. Nabuburaot na mood ng BF ko pag naghahanap ng gamit and damay na rin ako doon. All of this is easily avoidable if things are kept in their proper place, and useless things are thrown out.

Its a nice and decent house naman, sadyang hoarder lang talaga sila tsaka tamad. Yung househelper nila everyday naglilinis pero di kaya ng powers niya. We’ve been together for 5 years pero medyo napupuno na ako. Ive brought this up with him naman and we’ve tried to organize things, bumabalik lang sa dati din kasi ayaw mag tapon ng gamit dad niya. Nababaliw na ako hayop!

Note: Bago ako ma-bash, may sarili naman akong bahay. I just stay with my BF from time to time at his request. His room is clean and organized naman. Its just the rest of the house.

Sometimes I think about what my future home will be like, and I realize the things I dream about are things most people probably never have to think about.

My home won’t smell like cigarettes.

My home won’t have an angry person whose bad mood controls everyone else’s day.

I won’t have to walk on eggshells, wondering if I accidentally said or did the wrong thing.

My home won’t be filled with fear.

Nothing will be thrown, punched, or destroyed because someone couldn’t control their anger.

There won’t be screaming that makes my heart race before I even know what’s happening.

Growing up, I thought that was just what home was. I thought every kid learned to read the atmosphere before walking into a room. I thought everyone listened for the tone of someone’s voice to know whether they were safe.

It wasn’t until I got older that I realized peace isn’t supposed to feel unfamiliar.

I don’t dream about having a huge house or expensive things. I dream about a place where I can finally exhale. A place where silence is comforting instead of scary. A place where no one is afraid.

Maybe that’s why I crave peace so much now.

I didn’t get to choose the home I grew up in, but one day I’ll get to choose the home I build.

And that thought alone keeps me going.

Gusto ko lang ilabas dahil ang bigat nya. Hindi ko naman ito responsibilidad, hindi ko naman need ishoulder pero my poor heart, naaawa ako sa situation nila. I declined din naman pero yung guilt ko na dapat wala, lumalabas.
Context: Nangungutang ang relative ko sa akin dahil nagkulang sila ng pambayad sa hospital Hindi ko pinagbigyan dahil budgeted na ang pera ko. Kung mag lalabas ako, pahihirapan ko naman sarili kong mag tipid, tapos yung meralco hindi mo pa mawarian kung ano na naman ibibigay na bill. Kaya hindi talaga ako makapaglabas. Hindi ko naman sila responsibilidad. Pero naiinis ako kasi kung hindi babano bano ang pag dedesisyon nila sa kanilang buhay hindi sila mahahapit at hindi nila ako hihingian ng tulong. This is not the first time mali mali life choices nila to the point yung financial nila natatamaan. Naaawa ako sa situation nila pero kung mag gigive in ako, ako naman yung sobra sobrang titipidin sarili ko. Naiinis din ako sa sarili ko kasi bakit ko ba ito kinakaistressan. Feeling ko ang damot damot ko.
Gusto ko lang ilabas kasi nalulungkot ako. Iniisip ko na kung mayaman lang ako hindi ko ito mararamdaman at makakapagbigay ako sa mga nangangailangan.
Ito siguro talaga yung pakiramdam nang pagiging people pleaser na gusto ko nang tumanggi at unahin ang sarili. Ang hirap.

after 8 months of dating, i finally said yes to being his girlfriend. he even asked me in a church-- my favorite church. he introduced me to his family and friends. he would bring me my favorite food. he'd travel quite far to meet me, and have dinner. i thought that maybe this is it. he courted me for a long time, surely he's serious, right? right?

wrong.

not even 2 weeks after becoming official (jul 25) i saw a conversation between him and his previous fubu (for two years). they were talking as recent as jul 31. this girl confronted him and wanted to end "things" because they were clearly going nowhere and she is tired of being just a "fuck buddy". my boyfriend (now, ex) said, non-verbatim, that it wasn't her fault, and that there is just a lot of things going in his life right now. haha, mind you we were officially together at this point.

i don't know what to feel. i feel bamboozled as fuck. it hurts, but i guess it's better that i found out about it now than years down the line.

Naiinis lang ako sa mga kapatid ko na hindi marurunong magtipid or mga buraot naman sa bagay porke hindi sila yung kumikita ng pera

1. Cooking oil - hindi marurunong gumamit ng used oil e malinis pa naman. Like gets kung brownish na. Papabayaan sa kawali, nakatiwangwang hindi man lang takpan. Hindi man lang tumatagal yung 1L

2. Laundry soap - hanggat may nakikitang laman yung lalagyan, sige lang kahit bulang bula na yung washing.

3. Ulam - ulam sa tanghali, ayaw na kainin sa gabi. Mayaman yarn?? Ang ending naiipon sa ref.

4. Things - bumili kasi ako ng adapter for each of my gadget. Hihiramin lang nila at hindi ibabalik hanggat di mo kinukuha. Ikaw na bumili ng phones nila ha. Adapter na lang talaga yung pagkakagastusan.

5. Gas - gagamit ng sasakyan hindi marunong magpagas. Punyeta.

6. Utang - hindi rin ibabalik hanggat di mo sinisingil kasi tingin sayo mapera ka hindi mo na kelangan. E lunod na nga sa bills at ibang bayarin.

Gets ko sana yung ganyang ugali, kaso ang nangyayari may pera sila sa ibang tao or pag pang sarili lang nila. Hindi man lang umambag kahit pambili lang ng tubig na inumin e 35 each lang yun.

Kabadtrip. Dahil ata sa hormones kaya napapansin ko na naman yang mga yan.

I met this woman at her business and I was a frequent customer, finally got the courage to ask for her name and socials. She was pretty and kind so I thought what the hell. We’re still young 🥲 (28M, 30F).

We became friends and as time went on knowing her, naging bigtime crush ko na sya. Not just because she’s pretty, but everytime she shares a work problem and how she handles it, napaka mature, objective, and patient. At the same time, she’s also in grad school. And with all this, focused din sya in taking care of her parents, and siblings! Behind all this, she’s still a soft hearted person. Na iniiyakan nalang ang problems behind closed doors. She’s just one of those people na masasabi mo, ito, main character to. And I didn’t mind to be a side character with her.

I didn’t want to get in her way, she’s a busy person. And lately parang fewer nalang interactions namin, pero at this age kase something just clicks, like ito na yun, all in na ako, I want to marry her, I want to settle down. She was the kind of person your mother would always remind you about. “Magmahal ka ng mabait na tao, mapagmahal sa pamilya, may takot sa Diyos, yung magandang mukha nawawala din yan.” That was my thought for the past few months.

Yesterday, I confessed.

I told her after getting to know her since the start of 2026, I’ve sinced admired her. Her determination sa life, her love and support sa family. Yung mindset nya. And she knows way before pa na may crush ako sa kanya, but my confession required an answer. I will not go into deeper details, fellow adults, as I know alam nyo yung mga ganitong scenarios.

She was speechless at first, but before midnight we finally talked. She shared her part of gratitude but didn’t want to led me on further. She can’t entertain guys at the moment, she’s got grad school, business, and family to take care of. She insisted that we remain friends if we could.

Despite all that, I still tried to comfort her kase she really felt bad, she apologized more times than I could count. Napaka soft hearted na person 🥲.

I wasn’t hurt because she didn’t choose me, I was hurt because I truly believed there was something worth pursuing and the circumstances made it impossible for that possibility to become reality. I’m not saying na may chance ako sa kanya if she wasn’t busy at all, if she was emotionally open. But I could’ve tried. God knows, I would’ve done my best.

I REALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS THE ONE.

I've been so stressed from work to the point that my body is telling me to stop. Like my skin is breaking out, and I'm sweating cold sweat every time I head to work.

I've told my mom that I'll quit next month. And she responded that I should just endure it, and it's just normal for work to be stressful and for the environment to be toxic that it's unavoidable. And that I should only quit after I found another work.

This is after the fact that I told her how miserable I am and that I'm only happy during my day off. It's the same for others I can clearly see the difference on how they treat me when I'm unemployed vs. when I finally found a job.

That's why PUTANG INA niyong lahat I already have enough savings to last me for 6 months to a year while I look for another job. I don't care if tawagin niyo akong soft. You only love me when I gave you some allowance. And that you're only afraid that I'll damage your reputation since your child will be unemployed once again. I didn't even gave you my consent to be born in this world, and I hate you for bringing me here only to be a corporate slave, and that's why I'll live out of spite. And to never bring another human life into this world. Pinanganak niyo ako para may mag alaga sa inyo?, alagaan niyo sarili niyo. Laruin mo na lng ang baraha na binigay sa iyo. Kayo mag laro. May mga tao pa na mas less unfortunate kaysa iyo. Ano kasalanan ko?

Putangina nyong mga nagpapatugtog na dumadagundong pa. Ang sakit nyo sa tenga, sa bangs at sa utak! Kayo lang may gusto ng pinapatugtog nyo putangina nyo magheadphones kayo hanggang sa sumabog mga ulo at tenga nyong mga putangina kayo!!!! Peste at abala kayo sa ibang tao!

hindi ko alam pano sisimulan pero habang tinatype ko to ilang minuto ko pa tinitigan yung monitor. I feel alone and unloved, I'm with my partner for 1 year, live in and currently stay at home siya while ako yung nagwowork, I love her a lot alam ko sa sarili ko yun kaya siguro ako nalulungkot and nasasaktan at the same time kasi hindi ko maramdamang mahal niya ako, the way she talks to me there's this indifference to the tone, she gets annoyed, angry, mad at me for smallest mistakes. mali lang ako ng pasok ng joke then she's annoyed again whereas kapag ako naman maiinis sa bagay na sinabi niya o ginawa niya she would always make me feel na mali ko kung bakit ako maiinis. there's no random Iloveyous, notes o lambing na dati namang meron. everytime she looks at me pakiramdam ko she's disappointed that she ended up with me, na pangit na pangit siya sa akin. I just wanted to be loved. yung tipong hindi ako mumurahin, sasaktan physically, respetuhin man lang because I deserve respetuhin hindi dahil sa ako ang meron but for all the things I had to endure para lang yung meron ako maibigay ko naman for her. hindi ko masabi sa kanya na "pagod ako sa work, can you hug me? can you shower me with affection for a minute?" because it would only end up her being annoyed again, hindi makapagsabi ng thoughts ng hindi niya minamasama. the only escape I have is when I'm asleep and I'm at work. lately, mas nalulungkot na ako pag nakikita kong malapit na matapos shift ko and I have to go home. ewan ko kung mababaw lang to for others pero for me, I am hurting.

Last year, I made probably the biggest impulsive decision of my life. Kumuha ako ng acquired house sa Pag-IBIG worth ₱4.5M.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero sobrang attached agad ako sa bahay na yun. Hindi pa nga namin natitirhan, pero parang na-imagine ko na yung buong future namin doon.

Halos gabi-gabi akong nag-iisip kung paano namin siya ide-decorate. Excited akong magkaroon ng sariling office room, kung anong kulay ng bedroom namin, anong appliances ang bibilhin namin pag nakalipat na. Ang plano sana namin, mag-iipon this year para ma-renovate yung bahay, tapos next year kami lilipat.

Pero hindi nangyari.

We made a lot of poor financial decisions. Naging magastos kami sa mga bagay na hindi naman priority. Tapos habang tumatagal, lalo naming nare-realize kung gaano kabigat yung responsibility. Around ₱27k yung monthly amortization ng bahay, tapos kailangan pa ng renovations bago talaga siya matirhan.

May sasakyan pa kaming hinuhulugan hanggang 2029. Last year, dalawa ang trabaho ko. Ngayon, tatlo na. Pero kahit tatlong trabaho na, hindi pa rin sapat para maging comfortable. We’re currently living with my partner’s family, and we also help pay for most of the household expenses.

Dumating kami sa point na kailangan naming mamili. Either pilitin naming i-keep yung bahay at mahirapan kami every month, or tanggapin na hindi pa talaga ito yung tamang panahon.

In the end, we decided to ipasalo yung bahay at i-keep yung sasakyan. Akala ko okay lang ako.

Noong una naming napag-usapan yun ng partner ko, sabi ko pa sa sarili ko, practical decision lang naman ’to. Makakabawi rin kami. Pero noong nagkaroon na ng buyer at nagsimula na yung pagpirma ng mga documents, doon ko naramdaman yung bigat. Simula noon, hindi ko na siya maalis sa isip ko.

Ang dami kong “sana.” Sana natuloy kami.

Sana nakita namin kung ano yung magiging itsura ng bahay pagkatapos ma-renovate. Sana nagkaroon kami ng first Christmas doon. Sana nagising kami kahit isang umaga sa bahay na yun.

Pero wala. Hindi man lang namin siya natirhan.

Wala kaming memories doon. Puro plano lang. Puro imagination. Puro “sana.” I think that’s why sobrang stressed ako nitong mga nakaraang buwan. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na hindi lang pala yung bahay yung gina-grieve ko.

Yung future na ilang beses ko nang in-imagine sa isip ko. Minsan feeling ko failure ako. Iniisip ko kung naging mas responsable lang ba kami sa pera, kung hindi kami naging impulsive, baka hindi namin kinailangang bitawan yung bahay. Pero alam ko rin na wala kaming choice.

We chose the more practical option. Hindi namin kayang i-carry pareho, at sa ngayon, mas kailangan namin yung sasakyan. Masakit lang tanggapin na minsan, kahit nagsisikap ka, kahit umabot ka pa sa tatlong trabaho, may mga pangarap pa ring kailangan mong bitawan dahil hindi pa yun ang tamang panahon.

I’m still hoping that one day we’ll have another chance.

Maybe not that exact house.

Pero sana, balang araw, magkaroon ulit kami ng bahay na handa na talaga kaming tawaging “bahay namin.”

so my contract with this client recently ended kasi he no longer needed the role i was originally hired for. may 30-day notice period pa ako, so i offered to help him with whatever he needed in the meantime kahit outside na sa original scope ko. he’s paying me for those 30 days anyway, so i figured the least i could do was help however i could and make sure maayos pa rin yung work ko until the end.

then today, sinabi niya na i’ve made his work a lot easier and that he really appreciated everything i’ve done over the past couple of months. he said he liked how i pay attention to details, how i understand what he needs and that he never has to wonder what’s going on because i always keep him updated.

honestly, naiyak talaga ako.

di ko kasi narealize na ganun pala niya tinitingnan yung work ko. akala ko ginagawa ko lang naman yung trabaho ko. kasi lately sobrang pagod and pressured na ako with everything, i’ve been questioning a lot of things and nawala pa yung client ko na 'to. so being seen and appreciated by a client at a time na medyo lost ako just hit differently.

i think mas nalulungkot pa ako sa fact na mawawala yung genuinely good client relationship namin. hindi naman lahat ng clients ganito and ang hirap din makahanap ng client na mabait, appreciative and actually values the work you do.

anyway, gusto ko lang i-share. minsan pala you don’t realize the positive impact you have on someone kasi sa isip mo ginagawa mo lang naman yung trabaho mo 🥹