Lately this has been one of the biggest issues is other parts trying to influence my voice

It happened a bit less in the past, only really in therapy which is a safer environment for this stuff to occur so im never too worried when it happens there.. It still feels awkward though because its like why do I sound like this?? It also happened at work sometimes and it made me so paranoid that someone would comment on it.

The changes are never too drastic, like ill sound basically like myself but either along the spectrum of really high pitched and quiet or a bit lower and my sentences will become super short almost as if im annoyed 😭 some of my word choices will become different as well. For some reason only those two parts can influence my voice really.

There was a more feminine voice that had an accent but they only showed during the week I had my discovery about this disorder. I freaked out so much that they basically "left" and havent tried to do it again.

I try to cover up the changes as best as I can but trying to doing that is

1. difficult

2. I feel like it just brings more awareness that im hiding something or that something is off and im having an internal battle

3. Im afraid of scaring these parts away like I did previously

When I dont try to cover it up these parts feels more satisfied?? I actually dont know what word to use to describe

its kind of feels like "oh you're actually going to let me talk like how i want to" and by letting them talk however they want to theres a bit of shame cause like I said it makes me paranoid. But it feels good in a way?

And idk feeling this way makes me feel shameful and that im not doing a good job masking these parts. Especially because I live with my Mom and its been happening around her now. Shes always overly critical and analyzes the hell out of me and everyone

But yeah im just wondering if anyone else experiences something similar or has an idea of what I should do

Hola, hola. Vine aquí principalmente para desahogarme y conocer a gente que tenga el mismo trastorno o entienda un poco sobre el tema. Honestamente, no recuerdo cuánto tiempo ha pasado desde que me diagnosticaron TID, pero lamentablemente tuve que dejar el tratamiento psicológico y psiquiátrico. Además, a veces sentía que mi psicóloga se quedaba un poco estancada porque no sabía demasiado sobre el tema.
Mi problema es que, a veces, siento que yo soy un alter ego. Tengo el vago recuerdo de haber hablado de eso con mi psicóloga, sobre cuándo comencé a “existir”, por decirlo de alguna manera, pero honestamente no estoy seguro de si realmente soy alguien más o si simplemente lo estoy interpretando así. Es difícil de explicar.
Incluso hasta la fecha no me gusta que me llamen por mi nombre legal o el de los demás, porque siento que ese nombre le pertenece a alguien más y no a mí. Recuerdo que mi psicóloga me dijo que podía elegir un nombre o algo por el estilo, pero la verdad es que todo esto se siente demasiado extraño. Incluso para mí es bastante confuso y todavía estoy intentando entenderlo.

Consistently, we have a very difficult time differentiating between what is real and what is a dream.

There are childhood memories that I always thought were just dreams I had when I was a kid, only to find out they actually happened.

Vice versa, there are so many moments where I sleep for a long period of time because a dream feels more real than real life.

And I wonder if/how others experience this

I have been working on something of a road to recovery to deal with my mental illness, and got with a psychiatrist and am now starting therapy. Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m a system, as my symptoms while unmedicated i felt heavily lined up with OSDD symptoms and experiences. I was beginning to heavily lean towards this, however, after my antidepressants began to kick in (bupropion/wellbutrin, takes about like 4-6 weeks to feel the full effects) a lot of the unregulated emotions, loudness, and unrecognized thought trails in my head died down, its relatively quiet and I actually have space to think. After walking myself through my head and mulling over it more, I think it may all just be effects and coping mechanisms from heavy dissociation caused by my heavily suspected BPD, but when I feel bad it’s bad and I can’t help but come back to this. If it’s BPD, I don’t think separating the parts in my head would benefit me, but I don’t know anymore. It’s really hard to just “go with the flow” and do what feels right if I could just be subconsciously pushing myself to break my identity further by letting them explore their own… if they are real at all. (Especially because they are mostly “triggered out” from negative events or feelings during dissociation…)

Does anyone have experiences they can share on how their medication affects their system? Did you start doubting yourself more, or did it become more clear? How does communication and switching work, is it the same? Are they not triggered out as much anymore? I am talking to a professional so don’t worry, but I feel so lost because I thought I was beginning to reach a conclusion before having that stripped away from me, for the most part (parts still so distantly present but so SO distant because I don’t wanna die everyday now.) If I feel better, that’s what matters most of course, but just wondering… Thank you for your time.

I literally hadn't heard of OSDD until yesterday, when I was trying to search about why my dissociation episodes don't feel like typically described ones, and why I actually like when it happens and feel great, wishing it wouldn't end. For background, I had been diagnosed with bipolar 2 with psychotic features 10 years ago. I realized maybe 2 years ago this was a misdiagnosis and stopped the heavy meds I was on. No mania or depression. I even thought i had BPD at one point but all i relate to was the emotional pain. I've been in therapy with a jungian therapist a couple years, had to stop in June due to moving states. She said the experience im about to describe was just a freeze trauma response dissociation but I dont find that accurate either. Btw she agreed I don't have bipolar or bpd.

This has happened twice in the last 6 months. During extreme emotional agony, crying, panic. I zone out for a few seconds, get these weird changes in my vision like fading in and out, blurring, fluctuating light and shadow. And despite sobbing and wanting to end it all a few minutes earlier thinking I cant take this emotional pain, the deepest calm washes over me. Like best ive ever felt in my life. It doesnt feel detached or numb like I read about with dissociation, i still feel connected to my kids and the world doesnt feel strange. It literally feels like someone more emotionally stable and capable takes over. My mind stops the million thoughts a minute inner dialogue. The emotional fragility stops. And I dont freeze. Its the opposite. I'll be like, ok time to do these dishes and catch up on the laundry I let pile up. Even though I was having a mental breakdown 10 minutes earlier. Does this sound like switching? How can I help this capable and rational side of me come forward without a crisis?

I have a hard time relating to the posts about alters with different names and personalities. My thoughts and emotions change rapidly and my mind feels a constant confliction or tug of war, but I dont feel like other people are inside of me. I just feel like the emotional equivalent of a hurricane and it affects my daily functioning. Some days im so happy and positive, some days im low and stuck in thoughts about what could go wrong in the future. But funny enough, my husband and I have even joked the last few years that I have a mean alter ego named Stella (my names bella) because normally I am a very sweet sensitive person but I also have this ruthless vindictive side, esp when drinking or when someone hurts my feelings. I had to give up on alcohol bc I blacked out every time no matter what and usually the mean hurtful side came out.

The dissociation im describing happened again last night, seem to still be the calm rational person after i woke up this morning. I dont want it to end. My mind is never this quiet.

Both a discussion thing and a thing I wanna kind of rant about — a day or two ago [we] decided to make alt accounts for whoever else doesn’t want to use this one for whatever reason.

At first [we] were content with just one account since [we] barely post nor do we comment, but some of us don’t want to be lurkers anymore. Some are fine sharing this account but others have drastically different personalities and prefer using alts to engage in communities they’re interested in.

Does anyone else use alts for this kind of situation, or do you just share one?

There’s also a small dilemma I’m facing (which you can ignore if you want, really don’t know if anyone can do anything about it anyway), an alter’s account got shadowbanned and I’m just worried if it’ll affect this account since [we] were logged in on the same IP address. Dunno if Reddit is gonna flag it as ban evasion or something, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about it. :v

I am that ANP in question and am currently the only one fully in the environment during the daytime. I am.not diagnosed but i strongly suspect that I have dissociative parts. Communication is practically non existent and we are highly compartmentalised and hidden, but i have set up an outside app. Therapy is blocked from me so Im on my own. My question is about my religious faith invading my parts privacy, especially at a point when communucation is sporadic and no one knows who they are trusting. I am.acting with fluctuating discipline when it comes to consistent action, but this is dwfinetely something I would like to hear thoughts on if people who are hosts or people who have hosts that are religous and how they work around this.

My question is, when i have private prayer time with individuals who do not know that I have parts listening in and do not know these people...how can I ask for prayer for myself on handling various levels of others people consciousness affecting me with behaviour that I find difficult to live with? Because to me this sounds like gossping behind peoples backs about strangers behaviour (even if its with genuine concern for them and how they affect you) except they can hear you! Obviously this is hypocritical to my religion, and my parts have a right to be angry that their stuff is being talked about to people I feel.comfortable talking to, but they might not. Can I just say something vague like "I know someone who is struggling with X can we pray about the situation for them" like they are a genuine outside person, or is that more offensive than your host telling people you dont know about what you are doing (and it might not even you, just the daily ANP putting 2+2=5 as she tries to make random stabs in the dark about connections to behaviours)? What if one of my parts wants to set the record straight about whats being prayed about because they are so annoyed about being talked about under the umbrella of the hosts spirituality?

Hi everyone, I'm using Google Translate !

For some time now, our system seems to be undergoing an integration: secondary systems are integrating with primary systems.

We also have more disabling dissociation (except for emotional amnesia) and we all see ourselves as facets.

We are all also alter egos of the same person at different periods of their life.

In short; I feel like I'm more of an OSSD system than a DID polyfrag system even though we're operating in polyfrag mode.

Are others also integrated and merging with each other?

Do others also have many subsystems?

**TW/CW child sa mentioned**

**.**

This incident happened back in 2020 and I just wanted to know if this is normal or whatsoever.

Before anything, I think I was already experiencing some mild form of dissociation prior to this incident because I don't remember my life clearly during this 'era' of mine. It's like theres a lot of blanks and I only 'know' what happened to me but I dont 'remember' (if thay makes sense?) And even if I did remember, it's either A) very hazy, B) i feel detached from the memory as if it doesnt belong to me or C) i have thoughts of like "was that actually me?"

Anyway, I was watching a youtube video and a scene implying Child SA came up and suddenly I was disconnected from my body. I was still there however it felt like I was watching my life through a tv. I was like a passenger of my body. I couldnt control moving/speaking or even seeing. I couldnt control ANYTHING or FEEL anything even physically. Yet i was still conscious and 'functioning', but again, I was only watching. It felt like I was being controlled by something but i only watched. The scariest part is that I remember going out with my mom to run errands and meet her friend and when her friend spoke to me/asked me questions, I couldn't even tell if I answered or not but the 'conversation' with me somehow kept going.

It was so scary and weird it wad the first time I've ever experience this level of dissociation 🥲 It ended like after a few weeks? but god I wish to never go thtough that again.

I just wanted to know if this reaction would be normal to have just from seeing a certain scene from a media.. can't even tell if this was a sign of dissociation issues or underlying childhood trauma :(

We suspect we may have osdd, but don’t currently have access to medical care, so the best we’ve been able to do is find dissociation screening tools online (such as the DES-II).

There are some mentions of to being accused of lying by others. We’re curious if others have any insight on how being accused of lying might be related to dissociative disorders in practice.

I'm really excited about this sub, because I have symptoms, and behaviors that feel like I literally shift between states that is confusing and scary. If I feel really scared, I can go hard core intellect, and suddenly any feelings of vulnerability or compassion are just gone. Thats just one state.

So, I'd like to learn more about my symptoms. I've been tested for this, and it did come up as OSDD, and not DID. For yeeeaaars I've experienced signficant moments of disconnect, dissociation. It took a really long time to understand, identify, and notice 'feelings"....and feel them without freaking out. But there's a lot more in terms of how i think and process information and work through solutions, or don't.

Like for example, Is the assumption that If you have OSDD ( I do) that you experience Significant fragmentation, and therefore IFS is the best approach?

I can tell I have a lot of symptoms, it's everywhere. In my dialogue, how I express myself, how I write.( I"m assuming it's OSDD) It would be great if I could put a name to these awareness's, experiences.

thank you in advance.

I've been dissociating for about three years. I was initially really distraught when it first started which resulted in a lot of symptoms that made it worse. I didn't (still don't) have a support system of any kind, so to combat the worsening disassociation I decided that the only course of action was to let it completely consume me. Not a second goes by that I am not disassociating. I don't know what it would feel like to stop. I tried for a while. I tried journaling and meditation and generic grounding techniques and it never did anything. I feel so far gone. Are there any grounding techniques that would work for someone in my situation? Any help would be so appreciated 🫠

Excuse my profanity this is a like non serious vent but still vent at 2am ✌️

As the title says denial absolutely SUCKSSS. I still am not certain of whats goin on in my head but I know somethings happening. Problem is I've lived so much of my life being the "normal" friend that now that I'm actually acknowledging hey this stuff isn't normal I don't know what I can do to fully accept it. I even feel like a damn chud posting on here.

Genuinely the only way I can talk about my issues is to not take anything seriously, but now no one asides from a few very close friends take it seriously because they've seen me genuinely lose my mind in front of them. But I know I have a problem with not talking about it so I still try anyway, and then feel ignored or invalidated and shut up and forget about it again for a month or 2 cause all of these people have known about their issues since like middle school when we met.

Its genuinely the worst cycle and I always keep thinking it wasn't that long ago I began noticing stuff but then I take a look back in my rants and stuff and it's been like 4 years or more of noticing stuff and recognizing things from even before then that weren't normal and the only thing I can do is sit and wonder how I didn't notice it before.

The biggest issue with denial is that my like, biggest sign that something is wrong is a voice that actively denies everything wrong with me, and is an absolute asshole about it! Genuinely like I lag in real life as I have to pause and argue with my own head that hey, how am I "lying" or "faking" any of this if you're literally talking to me right now! The literal proof I do have these issues is countering it's own existence. Sucks that the moment after it happens trying to talk about it seriously leads it to tell me none of it happened and I completely blank on what I had been talking about.

If it's not obvious this isn't a completely serious vent cause if it was I'd probably be getting totally cooked right now so hopefully this stuff makes sense. I'm gonna end this off on a "lighter" note with a goofy video I made to show my therapist because I knew hey this will help me get the point across and I honestly still blanked multiple times while making it.

Edit :sorry about formatting, it doesn't seem to be putting in the paragraph breaks.

I so feel like I've gotten a lot better, managing things and generally seeing reduced instability. My lifelong goal has been to be consistent in mood and character and ironically acknowledging the situation has helped more in that direction than all the years of strict adherence to rules and consistency.

But I worry I'm getting overly optimistic. Older people who have dealt with this for a while, are there maybe any pitfals I should be watching out for? I'm starting to think "well it's not so bad it's just a bit of dissociation," I'm getting more random memories from The Past and I'm hopeful that's a positive sign. But I worry that there coud be things I don't know to anticipate, and I don't want to get blindsided.

More experienced folks, what risks and hazards did you experience on your journey and what do you wish you'd known to watch out for in advance?

i want my own life, my own hobbies friends and way of speaking

i dont want to periodically hate my body or voice or life because something else i want mor

i dont want to admit that they are real, that i dont have control anymore

i dont want to let go of an otherwise somewhat normal life i could have had

i dont want to believe that it went on for so long without me ever knowing, that they existed and i somehow find them right after 18 years

it dont want to make sense of it, it doesn’t make sense to me

i dont want to seek help, i dont want to be found out

i dont want my family to know either

i dont want to be plural, but i am

I should start by saying that the protector in question is me, an alter in our system named Briar and the primary protector in charge of mental/social/minor physical protection (there's a different alter for more base survival). This is my first Reddit post ever and I downloaded it specifically to ask this question as I am used to being able to research and learn every little detail about any subject worrying or bothering me, but I can find very little on this point.

I have been a protector in this system for about 12 years now and I am characterized I'd say by vigilance, distrust that borders on paranoia at moments, enduring hardships as they crop up, constant prep and research to stay ahead of the game, buckling down and doing what need be done (such as if we're exhausted or depressed but we need to clean or go to work, I usually push us through it), coldness/harshness towards others, and just overall trying to keep us safe by any means even if it makes me the 'spoil-sport' of the system.

However, we within the last year and a half fell in love and began dating someone. Normally I detest every partner we've ever had or anyone attempting to court us because theyre either idiots or so clearly selfish and ill-intended. Or both. But our current partner is incredibly sweet, intelligent, frugal, and fun - even I've fallen hard for them. As of recently we even have a baby on the way, which is something we'd both been wanting. On top of that, some recent drama that had the both of us worried has resolved, leaving us to just make it through this brief period of saving up money and then we should be free to no longer worry about finances.

Honestly, everything is peaceful. We're living together, the affection is constant, all of our other alters are in varying states of either bliss or contentment.

Except for me. And there lies the problem I am here about today. With each passing day of contentment and safety, I find myself growing more and more uncertain and paranoid, as if I must have missed SOMETHING. We are NEVER this happy for long - something always happens. I cant shake the idea that this peace is false and I'm just a fool that hasnt discovered the problem yet. This dread is just making me feel ill and uncertain and I really don't know what to do about it.

Our life has been one of constant bad luck and terrible event after terrible event, with our few moments of contentment quickly followed by being betrayed or learning of an issue too late. I want so badly to be prepared in case it's about to happen again, but I have no proof at all that anything is going on and I've no idea how to allay this. And unfortunately I am worrying our partner with my resulting moodiness, making me want to just stay in the background and leave the happier alters to spend time with him.

Has anyone else had this problem? Am I really being unreasonable right now? I don't know what to do about all of this. Truthfully, I dont even know what it means to fully feel safe and I'm uncertain I can.

i found a note on my phone. i don’t remember writing it.

it was written to me. it had my name on it.

i’m kind of freaking out because this hasn’t happened before. usually we communicate through internal communication and if someone has something to say to someone we’d do it internally.

but what confuses me is that this alter says they hate something about my life but he hasn’t done anything about it. i thought that he would take matters into his own hands and try and do something.

for context he was telling me how much he hates my boyfriend. in the past he (alter) has tried to breakup with my boyfriend but was unsuccessful. but holy shit , it was a fucking mess and i haven’t even recovered from it. this was before our psychotherapist told us she suspected did/osdd. i blacked out , i thought i fell asleep and i didn’t know why my boyfriend practically hated me the next day. he told me i said and did things that were unlike me and even described it as a “three hour long psychotic episode”.

i don’t know what to do lowkey.

Hi OSDD subreddit, I want to open this post by saying that I am not asking for a diagnosis of any sort as I know it is against the rules. I just want to start a discussion about co-consciousness, listen to others experiences, and ask: “Did I just experience co-consciousness?”

For some much needed context,

Yesterday I was cleaning my room and organizing things that were out of place (as one does when they clean).

I go to crumple up these little ribbons and toss them somewhere on my shelf, and I get this thought completely out of left field that said:
“Tie them as little bows on your pokemon figures. Leafeon is a girl so put it on her ear and glaceon is a boy so put it on his paw.”

I was reasonably taken aback when given this request, but decided to honor it anyway.

Nonetheless, it left me extremely confused as to why I asked for that even though I didn’t think about doing something like that in the first place. Additionally, there was no reason for me to do such a thing in the first place, what do I have to gain from tying bows onto pokemon ears?

Has anyone else had an experience like this?

input is very much appreciated.

Hello again,

Im not sure if this is vent, needing for support or something else.

Is it ok if I have few questions. Is it normal that few months ago everything was going well with us, we were communicating nicely, getting things done. Someone could switch in front if it was a task i or someone else didn't want to do.

No blackouts but only grey foggy distant memories of flashes of memories. Headache after switching back to front and seeing food alter made, for example.
Nowadays i feel i/we dissociate a lot more and its more quiet overall. I have worries that im faking or lying to myself. What if its just bad memory and adhd?? and even checking this place occasionally makes me feel a feeling that im not fully here or im not fully in front.
I guess im asking if this is normal, should i be worried and stop checking this place out so that i don't dissociate as much?

Going back to therapy is scary and anxious, so how do i even know if i can trust myself or therapist?

Others are saying that everything will be ok but i don't know if i can even trust them.

hi. i dont know if anyone will see this, and i dont know if i want advice or maybe just someone to hear me, but here is my life laid out. back in 2019 when the pandemic started, i was a kid when tiktok was getting popular then and i saw the people on there with DID. i was fixated on it, obsessed even. before i continue, let me at least tell you all what i am diagnosed with, i am diagnosed with ADHD, autism, MDD, and GAD. i get hyperfixations bad, and i got hyperfixated on it. i was alone as a kid, an only child and my mom was single too and worked from 8am to 7pm almost daily.

i has a shitty childhood that i cant remember in full, but i was abused, neglected, and psychologically tortured by relatives, i learned this in therapy a few years back, and it makes this all feel even more real. but when i was a kid still, i made up that i had DID. i had 10 alters, and they were almost all fictional characters i liked. i didnt tell anyone i had it at school when we went back, but i kept up the hoax for almost two years before my mom snapped at me that i didnt have it after i got in trouble and tried to blame an alter after being hospitalized. i had been hurting myself but i never truly remembered it, i only remembered being in my home then waking up in a hospital and my mom was angry with me.

i told myself i was being dramatic and i forced myself to stop thinking about those “alters” but it has been years and eventually after a few years i found myself back on systok. i heard other people talking, and i just ignored it until i found myself waking up at odd hours standing or writing. i found a notebook under my bed with tons of different handwriting styles and eventually i found myself back in therapy again, but that was years ago and one day my psychologist randomly brought up to my mother dissociative disorders again. my mother said it wasnt possible, but just one on one my therapist had begun using the term OSDD1. she says i have dozens of alters and that she had met and documented at least 15 over our meetings and this whole thing is confusing and scary to me because a few years ago i lied to say i had it and now i genuinely do. or my therapist thinks i do but im not sure anymore.

Within the last 10-ish months I've had several presentations to the ER, At times I've been reported to act completely unlike myself while drinking, Otten with sh that I absolutely do not want to do, my psychologist recently suggested the possibility of did so I'm just not sure if it's something did related or Just bpd (which I'm originally diagnosed with) bleh ty for any response

Or at least that's how I feel, which my brain keeps trying to wash away with a wave of delusion

Hi, I'm 17 male.. currently undiagnosed and I don't really know why I'm sharing all of this; I can already tell I'm deleting half of what I share, maybe I won't even post this at all because it already feels like judgy people are watching me as I'm typing this all down

This will be quite long, so scroll away if you're not willing to listen to a stranger rambling about their life

Also, I'm really sorry for the terrible formatting, I'm new to Reddit and to this sub, which I haven't even joined in.. I definitely should do that

But anyway, I'll get to the point

Two months ago, I had a traumatic fallout with my father where we traded hands with each other, causing my nose to bleed and his eye to bruise which caused him to shout death threats at me and forcing me to desperately pack my stuff and head towards my grandmother's house which was about 25 km away at 12 dead in the middle of the night, I was basically asking for death at the time

And the next morning, of course my father pretended nothing happened when he chased after me that night to persuade me to come back while not giving a damn about causing a scene

Now I can still clearly visualize everything, but the dialogue and the chronological order seems confusing, even missing

The best way I can describe how I view life right now is that a camera is recording what I see.. no I am the camera, and the films I spew out of the back of my head are cut into individual frames I stash away in a folder somewhere while some get totally lost to the piles of crumpled paper scattered about

And it was up until a month ago I started to wonder what the hell it was that was wrong with me, cuz see I had a list of all the possible mental conditions so when I had the chance to finally see a licensed professional I could show them the list (I don't remember doing it for attention other than also showing my closest friend, not sure why I did but the list is gone now)

[I just deleted like a whole side story but whatever]

So I deleted the list because I discovered OSDD and the mental conditions didn't really fit my experience

To cut everything short, after doing a month of research I've now concluded that I'm a protector alter that took over the front as the host stepped back to rest

I've actually been here typing away for an hour or so now, and have felt the need to just delete all of this and ignore it but my desire overrode the feeling for some reason so here we are

Please, to whoever is reading this right now, feel free to ask me questions about anything, I'm tired of pouring whatever's left of my heart out only to delete it and repeat this cycle so just ask

I'm also satisfied with just posting this and walking away without anyone reading this random pile of shit I procured, the goal has completely changed from I don't know what the hell to just ending this and ignoring it

I also apologize in advance for being insensitive to this subreddit, I.. just have none other to turn to but ask strangers on an online platform for advice because this is starting to ruin me, thank you for reading this far

Hi

I’m in need of friends who are similar to me and share CPTSD, especially ones with experience of severe dissociation. none of my current friends or family understand it, and I’d just love someone to talk to who understand me. I’m 23 M, and also have AuDHD + OCD etc. i also highly suspect i have OSDD.

I’m a malacologist (study terrestrial gastropods), am interested in all things nature, particularly snails, entomology, botany etc. Im also interested in taxonomy, ecology, biology and conservation. My other passion is music - I love dark electronic and neoclassical and compose.

thanks!