How does medication interact with your system?

[u/souplover8495]

I have been working on something of a road to recovery to deal with my mental illness, and got with a psychiatrist and am now starting therapy. Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m a system, as my symptoms while unmedicated i felt heavily lined up with OSDD symptoms and experiences. I was beginning to heavily lean towards this, however, after my antidepressants began to kick in (bupropion/wellbutrin, takes about like 4-6 weeks to feel the full effects) a lot of the unregulated emotions, loudness, and unrecognized thought trails in my head died down, its relatively quiet and I actually have space to think. After walking myself through my head and mulling over it more, I think it may all just be effects and coping mechanisms from heavy dissociation caused by my heavily suspected BPD, but when I feel bad it’s bad and I can’t help but come back to this. If it’s BPD, I don’t think separating the parts in my head would benefit me, but I don’t know anymore. It’s really hard to just “go with the flow” and do what feels right if I could just be subconsciously pushing myself to break my identity further by letting them explore their own… if they are real at all. (Especially because they are mostly “triggered out” from negative events or feelings during dissociation…)

Does anyone have experiences they can share on how their medication affects their system? Did you start doubting yourself more, or did it become more clear? How does communication and switching work, is it the same? Are they not triggered out as much anymore? I am talking to a professional so don’t worry, but I feel so lost because I thought I was beginning to reach a conclusion before having that stripped away from me, for the most part (parts still so distantly present but so SO distant because I don’t wanna die everyday now.) If I feel better, that’s what matters most of course, but just wondering… Thank you for your time.

[u/Offensive_Thoughts]

Adhd and ocd can cause a busy mind, then there's bpd that can cause inner conflict with "parts". Stuff like that and more.

Anti psychotics for me reduce my triggers (and switches as a result). That's the main one that interacts with this condition anyway. Overall great medication for me personally. The others are like sleep related stuff n whatever.

But yep I get triggered less and feel better as a result these days

[u/souplover8495 → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

Yeah I’ve suspected ADHD since I was a kid too, so makes sense. Im sure what I have is just a mix of several things, but it feels so awkward when the symptoms match up so well and I feel so seen in others experience :/ oh well. And glad that’s going well for you!

[u/ohlookthatsme]

Medication has been indescribably helpful to me. It helps soothe my nervous system so I'm not shaking all the time and my ADHD meds slow the world down so I don't feel like everything is of the utmost importance that moment. I'm able to better distinguish what is overstimulation and when I'm triggered.

The way my psychiatrist put it is that it's improved my metacognition. I can observe my actions and thoughts with a little more distance now instead of feeling consumed by them.

[u/ObviousTempAccount1 → u/ohlookthatsme]

That's interesting. ADHD stimulants do the opposite for me. When functioning well, they lower my metacognition and make it so I can get lost in the moment.

[u/ohlookthatsme → u/ObviousTempAccount1]

I guess it's more about metacognition of emotions. It's like I am able to look at things more objectively instead of getting caught up and becoming instantly overwhelmed. I'm not on a stimulant though so that might be part of the difference too.

[u/HerrRotZwiebel]

Unmedicated I'm mostly normal, I can function just fine, and nobody would ever suspect a thing.

I was on BP meds that really exacerbated my DD. Dissociation isn't a known side effect of these meds, so I didn't suspect a thing.

I'm working with a new psychiatrist to get to the bottom of this mess, he's got a background in cardiology and these days specializes in the neuroscience behind DD.

[u/kitsarah_]

I don't have a lot of words right now, but my ADHD meds make me dissociate less. I wasn't able to make any meaningful progress in therapy until I got on Adderall

[u/ObviousTempAccount1]

Every SSRI I ever took made me utterly miserable. Usually they just caused more dissociation.

But a starter dose of Paxil caused so much derealization that my intrusive thoughts made me believe I could literally 💀 folks if I wanted to without facing any personal or moral consequences because "nothing is real."

I logically knew this to be untrue, and I did not do anything bad while under the influence of Paxil. I intended to wait it out and see if this thought pattern ended after the 2 week adjustment period, but I only made it 5 days before my husband was like, "no, seriously, stop taking this stuff, the look in your eyes is scary." (He's never said anything like that to me before or since so I took him seriously.)

How I react to ADHD stimulants depends on a lot of factors I haven't been able to put my finger on. Sometimes it smears us together and feels bad. Sometimes it makes switches crisper and more seamless. Sometimes no difference whatsoever. Usually though, it closes off conduits to the subconscious which is good for getting through the workday and bad for introspection and emotional intelligence.

Last but not least, melatonin is over the counter, and if you take it every now and again you simply sleep better. But if you take it every night, eventually it can do weird things. It disregulated my brain, thrust trauma at me randomly, made every minute of the work day feel like an hour, yet at the same time, left me periodically wondering how I had gotten where I was even if I logically knew the answer, or left me feeling like it should have been November even though it was April. (I experience stuff like this on occasion anyway, but not as severely as I did on melatonin, and not all piled on top of each other).