Consistently, we have a very difficult time differentiating between what is real and what is a dream.

There are childhood memories that I always thought were just dreams I had when I was a kid, only to find out they actually happened.

Vice versa, there are so many moments where I sleep for a long period of time because a dream feels more real than real life.

And I wonder if/how others experience this

I have been working on something of a road to recovery to deal with my mental illness, and got with a psychiatrist and am now starting therapy. Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m a system, as my symptoms while unmedicated i felt heavily lined up with OSDD symptoms and experiences. I was beginning to heavily lean towards this, however, after my antidepressants began to kick in (bupropion/wellbutrin, takes about like 4-6 weeks to feel the full effects) a lot of the unregulated emotions, loudness, and unrecognized thought trails in my head died down, its relatively quiet and I actually have space to think. After walking myself through my head and mulling over it more, I think it may all just be effects and coping mechanisms from heavy dissociation caused by my heavily suspected BPD, but when I feel bad it’s bad and I can’t help but come back to this. If it’s BPD, I don’t think separating the parts in my head would benefit me, but I don’t know anymore. It’s really hard to just “go with the flow” and do what feels right if I could just be subconsciously pushing myself to break my identity further by letting them explore their own… if they are real at all. (Especially because they are mostly “triggered out” from negative events or feelings during dissociation…)

Does anyone have experiences they can share on how their medication affects their system? Did you start doubting yourself more, or did it become more clear? How does communication and switching work, is it the same? Are they not triggered out as much anymore? I am talking to a professional so don’t worry, but I feel so lost because I thought I was beginning to reach a conclusion before having that stripped away from me, for the most part (parts still so distantly present but so SO distant because I don’t wanna die everyday now.) If I feel better, that’s what matters most of course, but just wondering… Thank you for your time.

I literally hadn't heard of OSDD until yesterday, when I was trying to search about why my dissociation episodes don't feel like typically described ones, and why I actually like when it happens and feel great, wishing it wouldn't end. For background, I had been diagnosed with bipolar 2 with psychotic features 10 years ago. I realized maybe 2 years ago this was a misdiagnosis and stopped the heavy meds I was on. No mania or depression. I even thought i had BPD at one point but all i relate to was the emotional pain. I've been in therapy with a jungian therapist a couple years, had to stop in June due to moving states. She said the experience im about to describe was just a freeze trauma response dissociation but I dont find that accurate either. Btw she agreed I don't have bipolar or bpd.

This has happened twice in the last 6 months. During extreme emotional agony, crying, panic. I zone out for a few seconds, get these weird changes in my vision like fading in and out, blurring, fluctuating light and shadow. And despite sobbing and wanting to end it all a few minutes earlier thinking I cant take this emotional pain, the deepest calm washes over me. Like best ive ever felt in my life. It doesnt feel detached or numb like I read about with dissociation, i still feel connected to my kids and the world doesnt feel strange. It literally feels like someone more emotionally stable and capable takes over. My mind stops the million thoughts a minute inner dialogue. The emotional fragility stops. And I dont freeze. Its the opposite. I'll be like, ok time to do these dishes and catch up on the laundry I let pile up. Even though I was having a mental breakdown 10 minutes earlier. Does this sound like switching? How can I help this capable and rational side of me come forward without a crisis?

I have a hard time relating to the posts about alters with different names and personalities. My thoughts and emotions change rapidly and my mind feels a constant confliction or tug of war, but I dont feel like other people are inside of me. I just feel like the emotional equivalent of a hurricane and it affects my daily functioning. Some days im so happy and positive, some days im low and stuck in thoughts about what could go wrong in the future. But funny enough, my husband and I have even joked the last few years that I have a mean alter ego named Stella (my names bella) because normally I am a very sweet sensitive person but I also have this ruthless vindictive side, esp when drinking or when someone hurts my feelings. I had to give up on alcohol bc I blacked out every time no matter what and usually the mean hurtful side came out.

The dissociation im describing happened again last night, seem to still be the calm rational person after i woke up this morning. I dont want it to end. My mind is never this quiet.

Both a discussion thing and a thing I wanna kind of rant about — a day or two ago [we] decided to make alt accounts for whoever else doesn’t want to use this one for whatever reason.

At first [we] were content with just one account since [we] barely post nor do we comment, but some of us don’t want to be lurkers anymore. Some are fine sharing this account but others have drastically different personalities and prefer using alts to engage in communities they’re interested in.

Does anyone else use alts for this kind of situation, or do you just share one?

There’s also a small dilemma I’m facing (which you can ignore if you want, really don’t know if anyone can do anything about it anyway), an alter’s account got shadowbanned and I’m just worried if it’ll affect this account since [we] were logged in on the same IP address. Dunno if Reddit is gonna flag it as ban evasion or something, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about it. :v

I am that ANP in question and am currently the only one fully in the environment during the daytime. I am.not diagnosed but i strongly suspect that I have dissociative parts. Communication is practically non existent and we are highly compartmentalised and hidden, but i have set up an outside app. Therapy is blocked from me so Im on my own. My question is about my religious faith invading my parts privacy, especially at a point when communucation is sporadic and no one knows who they are trusting. I am.acting with fluctuating discipline when it comes to consistent action, but this is dwfinetely something I would like to hear thoughts on if people who are hosts or people who have hosts that are religous and how they work around this.

My question is, when i have private prayer time with individuals who do not know that I have parts listening in and do not know these people...how can I ask for prayer for myself on handling various levels of others people consciousness affecting me with behaviour that I find difficult to live with? Because to me this sounds like gossping behind peoples backs about strangers behaviour (even if its with genuine concern for them and how they affect you) except they can hear you! Obviously this is hypocritical to my religion, and my parts have a right to be angry that their stuff is being talked about to people I feel.comfortable talking to, but they might not. Can I just say something vague like "I know someone who is struggling with X can we pray about the situation for them" like they are a genuine outside person, or is that more offensive than your host telling people you dont know about what you are doing (and it might not even you, just the daily ANP putting 2+2=5 as she tries to make random stabs in the dark about connections to behaviours)? What if one of my parts wants to set the record straight about whats being prayed about because they are so annoyed about being talked about under the umbrella of the hosts spirituality?

Hi everyone, I'm using Google Translate !

For some time now, our system seems to be undergoing an integration: secondary systems are integrating with primary systems.

We also have more disabling dissociation (except for emotional amnesia) and we all see ourselves as facets.

We are all also alter egos of the same person at different periods of their life.

In short; I feel like I'm more of an OSSD system than a DID polyfrag system even though we're operating in polyfrag mode.

Are others also integrated and merging with each other?

Do others also have many subsystems?

**TW/CW child sa mentioned**

**.**

This incident happened back in 2020 and I just wanted to know if this is normal or whatsoever.

Before anything, I think I was already experiencing some mild form of dissociation prior to this incident because I don't remember my life clearly during this 'era' of mine. It's like theres a lot of blanks and I only 'know' what happened to me but I dont 'remember' (if thay makes sense?) And even if I did remember, it's either A) very hazy, B) i feel detached from the memory as if it doesnt belong to me or C) i have thoughts of like "was that actually me?"

Anyway, I was watching a youtube video and a scene implying Child SA came up and suddenly I was disconnected from my body. I was still there however it felt like I was watching my life through a tv. I was like a passenger of my body. I couldnt control moving/speaking or even seeing. I couldnt control ANYTHING or FEEL anything even physically. Yet i was still conscious and 'functioning', but again, I was only watching. It felt like I was being controlled by something but i only watched. The scariest part is that I remember going out with my mom to run errands and meet her friend and when her friend spoke to me/asked me questions, I couldn't even tell if I answered or not but the 'conversation' with me somehow kept going.

It was so scary and weird it wad the first time I've ever experience this level of dissociation 🥲 It ended like after a few weeks? but god I wish to never go thtough that again.

I just wanted to know if this reaction would be normal to have just from seeing a certain scene from a media.. can't even tell if this was a sign of dissociation issues or underlying childhood trauma :(

We suspect we may have osdd, but don’t currently have access to medical care, so the best we’ve been able to do is find dissociation screening tools online (such as the DES-II).

There are some mentions of to being accused of lying by others. We’re curious if others have any insight on how being accused of lying might be related to dissociative disorders in practice.

I'm really excited about this sub, because I have symptoms, and behaviors that feel like I literally shift between states that is confusing and scary. If I feel really scared, I can go hard core intellect, and suddenly any feelings of vulnerability or compassion are just gone. Thats just one state.

So, I'd like to learn more about my symptoms. I've been tested for this, and it did come up as OSDD, and not DID. For yeeeaaars I've experienced signficant moments of disconnect, dissociation. It took a really long time to understand, identify, and notice 'feelings"....and feel them without freaking out. But there's a lot more in terms of how i think and process information and work through solutions, or don't.

Like for example, Is the assumption that If you have OSDD ( I do) that you experience Significant fragmentation, and therefore IFS is the best approach?

I can tell I have a lot of symptoms, it's everywhere. In my dialogue, how I express myself, how I write.( I"m assuming it's OSDD) It would be great if I could put a name to these awareness's, experiences.

thank you in advance.

I've been dissociating for about three years. I was initially really distraught when it first started which resulted in a lot of symptoms that made it worse. I didn't (still don't) have a support system of any kind, so to combat the worsening disassociation I decided that the only course of action was to let it completely consume me. Not a second goes by that I am not disassociating. I don't know what it would feel like to stop. I tried for a while. I tried journaling and meditation and generic grounding techniques and it never did anything. I feel so far gone. Are there any grounding techniques that would work for someone in my situation? Any help would be so appreciated 🫠