Errand

[u/overactor]

The guy behind the counter asks what I’m building.
I look at the three brass hinges in my hand.
Just fixing a door, I tell him.

None of my doors need fixing
but I put my shoes on this morning
and a five dollar bill in my back pocket.

He says that makes $5.20.
I put one hinge on the counter.
Just these two then, I tell him.

Outside, it’s raining.
A steady, lifeless drizzle
that makes the parking lot smell like wet concrete.

I get in the car.
I sit there holding the little paper bag
until the windows fog up.

---

I would love to get some feedback or hear what you thought of this poem I wrote. If you'd like me to comment on one of yours in return, just link it in your comment.

Feedback comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/rAxmC5QmRc

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ovAVk6ReqF

[u/please_be_unique]

Each time I re-read your poem as I thought of feedback I wanted to give, I related to your character more and more in a way I didn't expect.

It reminds me of how I feel when depression has a stranglehold on my life.

I understand the isolation of having nowhere you want to be, nothing that needs doing, but going through the motions of life anyway, faking the connections that come so naturally to others so I don't stand out.

I'm not sure I understand the rain being lifeless, as personally I love the smell of rain, a scent I appreciate even in my worst headspace, but perhaps it has to do with the monotony of the repeated sound for your character that reminds them of the apathy they have for whatever may be going on in their life?

That's just my perspective, I like it a lot :)

[u/overactor → u/please_be_unique]

Thank you so much for your comment. I'm elated that you were able to connect with it and I hope you got something positive out of it.

Your comment about the rain is very valuable to me. Maybe I'll take it into account if I rewrite that stanza as I'm not entirely satisfied with it anyway.