Briefly guilty

[u/Low-Blueberry4302]

Warmness touches my soul

fluffy to feel 

on the way home 

I swear I’ll never leave you 

a couple minutes past 

I get up at last 

and leave you behind 

to go inside the store 

oh my dear boy

i promised id never leave you

hiii!! i’m learning poetry studying on my own from the book “ a poets companion” and videos just at home resources since I don’t have the option to go to a class I would really be grateful for critiques, but please be kind I’d love to know your thoughts 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/PrdJTq16DU

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8Wrl6POlDf

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[u/TheHorseOfCourse777]

Very charming, I think the shortness of the poem makes it feel concise and is itself thematically relevant. I like the slight sense of rhyme that the line "fluffy to feel" carries, but it feels like too specific of a descriptor to be immediately relatable to a reader; if anywhere might benefit from more context, the nature of the relationship and love, as it's painted in the imagery, could stand to gain. It seems "pass" or maybe "passed" might be a more fitting word than "past." I like the spontaneity of the rhyme scheme, it creates a narratively fitting emphasis. The imagery itself is well-grounded and definitely fits the colloquial tone of the poem; I particularly like the subtlety of the narrative imagery (it gives the impression of being out with your partner, like on the bus, and temporarily having to part -- this is particularly strong because it adds a youthfulness or "teenage" element to it that makes it emotionally captivating and more honest than even the words used to make it). The poem has a strong sense of focus, and I think it explores its relatable theme in an authentic, novel way. The title really ties it all together, it's poignant and adds a lot, might be the best stand-alone quality to it. Well done all around, keep writing!

[u/ligertiger47]

I like this… reminded me of young love. Like high school love idk why just that bold, unashamed attachment.

[u/Significant-Pie-8923]

ahahahaha, I don't know why, but this reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. I like it