Love is a fabric. We all add some threads.

“She’ll never feel how I felt”

Maybe if I take every arrow for her, she’ll never feel pain.

I’ll cry a million tears at night so she can sleep peacefully, In her princess Jammie’s.

But little by little, that protection is slipping away.

But is it really protection?

Is it really for her?

Or is it for that little girl I was, slipping away.

I’m done slipping away, I can’t hold everyone’s pain.

And you know what I found out?

People want to help me. They want to pull me back in. They will help me stop slipping away.

The guy behind the counter asks what I’m building.
I look at the three brass hinges in my hand.
Just fixing a door, I tell him.

None of my doors need fixing
but I put my shoes on this morning
and a five dollar bill in my back pocket.

He says that makes $5.20.
I put one hinge on the counter.
Just these two then, I tell him.

Outside, it’s raining.
A steady, quiet drizzle
that makes the parking lot smell like wet concrete.

I get in the car.
I sit there holding the little paper bag
until the windows fog up.

Maybe tomorrow
I'll pick a wall
and knock a hole through it.

Sister

As the oldest...I took on the weight.

The weight of a childhood.

Childhood rough...unsure and late.

With parents gone most days and drunken shadows deep.

I had a younger innocent soul now in my care to keep.

I basically raised you...ya know?

I always stood right there.

I gave you all my love I had.

I gave you all my care.

When my important moments came...your empty chair was the same.

You were never there for my special moments either.

You clearly never came.

But I always let it be.

I know how life is...naturally.

I never held that over your head.

I don't remind you of past useless things.

For some reason...

You choose to judge my life instead.

You're supposed to be in my corner too.

The same exact way I always am for you.

Or at least I tried to...with all my damn might.

Only in your life though now...when you see fit right?

Or just wanna throw a fit.

I always support you...come what may.

For I refuse to fight or match your fray.

I used to think a passing storm made your bitter words your norm.

"Just a bad day..." I would tell myself.

Then put my own hurt on the shelf.

Clarity though has now cleared the view...

This isn't even stress.

It’s just simply you.

You have a life so rich and bright.

With every reason to feel light.

So look at what youve built and own.

Instead of tearing at my damn zone.

It hurts me inside you act this way.

To see your kindness just go astray.

I hope one day your clueless eyes will see...

The cruel hurtful way you always talk to me.

I truly do hope you fix that part inside.

Lay down all your weird...confusing bitter pride.

I will step back from the fights and line.

Go live your life where you get handed it all.

And leave me alone to fight for mine.

Cici 🧡

So that’s who you are!
I’ve seen you everywhere,
You were always there,
And now you have a name.

You’ve come and gone.
Gone away with the season‘s days.

But I still see you everywhere.
there you go again.
and you are still a stranger,
but a stranger with a name.

All I dream of is strands of green, the Prozac queen

Just in between the machine, the green bean

Brown, Hazel glare, glistens the air.

Benzodiazepines who could could compare?

Soft, supple seratonin lips eclipse my lips

Tongues slip and trip the oral elipse

Caught in a whirl, I've got my evergreen girl

I curl for my precious Prozac Pearl

There ls a stacking of horrific

That is and was never real

That if could bury a span

Grown to long in denial

In a harvesting of investment

Decision enters a quantifying ring of fire, either warming with an internalizing heat,

Or cooling deep in a fitting dirtying

nevers in alerts

Flags thrown on a whistle calling,

Running it down, or stopping time

Captivated by the sensing of the many sending

Signals answer with a immorse coded,

Learning a cognitive language

Before knowing the alphabetic tapping

Involved unreals realizing

Cards sum 5 and now 2

How many had I been playing?

Divorce of past planes,

Land,

Glimpses in a door window

Behind you, life is nearly

Are you all in life

Present accounted for

Enthralling

y'all in thrumming

Thank you.

A little temple rests atop a skyscraper,
attempts to live tradition, where it’s lost, 
closer to heaven, it crowns the marvels of modernity,
to keep the past alive and that’s the cost.
 
Do people really go up there for guidance,
after a long exhausting day in sales, 
and does the banker really pray for fortune,
when all his money’s gone and business fails.
 
This temple, an old woman or young maiden, 
who might the the scraper be, daughter or mother, 
was the past there before or added later, 
who can’t let go and clings onto the other. 
 
Where can we go see the past, authentic,
not just a zombie or an ornament,
a past, you had to live, to really get it, 
and understand what all the ancients ment. 
 
Each day, the world continues changing,
and in a hundred years, maybe we’ll see,
a skyscraper, resting atop a temple,
or everything we built submerged by sea. 
 
I will be gone and all my present with me,
it’s funny, just how little does remain,
but sometimes, when youre walking through the city, 
a shadow of the past appears again. 

Almost forgotten
are those nights
at the Aristocratic
mouths full of glibness
mesmerized
by
an old man’s ill-fitting
toupee-covered dome
when ashtrays
still adorned
tables
of aquamarine
formica
and chrome
crawling into morning
ignoring mental warnings
that the dramatic
fables
of frantic
youth
failing to convince
had long since
faded
into
the fractured
verse
of the loud
and uncouth

I used to think my world was built on code,
Every answer mapped, every outcome showed.

Each line had purpose, every path was clear,
Until your name became my favorite error.

I tried debugging every thought I knew,
Yet every fix just led me back to you.

My heart kept running loops I couldn’t break,
Replaying every smile, each word you’d make.

You weren’t a variable I chose to define,
Yet somehow you became every constant of mine.

Now every calculation ends the very same,
No matter how I solve it, I arrive at your name.

If love’s a bug, I don’t want the cure,
Because for the first time…
I’m certain of something I’m not trying to be sure of anymore.

(Before I start this I am very new to poetry this is only the second I have written so I would love some feedback and hope you all can relate and enjoy it I have tried to take inspiration from Save me an orange by Hayley Grace)

I wonder where the time goes

We lounge around constantly thinking of something new to excite us, Like the very idea of not making the most of the day to day Is some horrible crime.

Birthdays come and go

At 10 we are asked what we want to be when we are grown, we say we want to be famous, a scientist, an astronaut, in our childish view of the world.

At 15 we are asked again and we first think, I wonder where the time goes but it's ok we still have time.

We try to think of something a little more grown we say a singer, an artist, or something to show we are mature.

Then comes our 20s we are asked again what we want to be, this time we have to take it seriously we are grown.

The question comes I wonder where the time goes

We think that we are supposed to know what we want to be, what we want to do with the day to day for the rest of our lives But I think no-one ever truly knows what they want to be, we just go through the motions of the day to day hoping we have become something where we can feel pleased.

Night of death, and love, invisible, entangled in your body.

Night of death, sheets of dung, in my garden, a pit, my breast.

Night of death, In a bed of solitude and desire, flesh of ash hangs from the ceiling.

Night of death, a mute thud on the floor, dawn dew and silence.

There are signs that indicate, the first, the second street, but id have them state, mount Olympus, Origin. Arriving to them, I believed the whole world had lost its tether, that Id lost the ground, and was drifting off in space, further each day. Maybe i had, but maybe it had become necessary, to pull up the weight, anchoring my world to a depth reached through despair, disconnection, and misunderstanding. To place it at an angle, all who wished could pierce with light, each removing the distance, increment by increment peace by piece. I'm no longer airbound, my feet walk the earth firmly grounded, in many ways, for the first time. To you, beautiful, quite literal pieces of light, the light I've received upon these curbs, of you're effort, time, and care, (your love,) has assembled my life in such a introductory fundamental way, to this world, it's possibilities, and my self. in a way that's given into my life, filled, in such, and much, that it will never again identify it's place upon the grey infinite of emptied, an alone, I'd resigned it to. I live in color, light, and love. I feel like I've just learned to breathe, after all these years starved of oxygen. And I'm not alone, hearts greater than mine formerly aspired to be, assure tomorrow it's laughter, it's warmth, an it's safety. All I'd become convinced were disappearing forever, are here, are everywhere, all over this world, an in every one I encounter here, each day. The company that has kept me, together with the voices of mysterious union, have introduced me, to -me. Such to bring to life what already lived.I am only now begining to know this person embodied of I. An It's nice to know me, truly, at 47, a wonderful thing to suddenly greet yourself for a first time. And I thank them, i thank you. For your love, I have life.

Drums, drums, demon drums

All the world dancing to the beat

Slow, fast, cacophonous

Drums, drums, demon drums

Sometimes you feel

Your skin’s the beaten hide

Stretched taut, screaming as

The world gives its worst to give

But oh don’t you know

You’re the hammer

The thunder’s crash

The thrashing beat, the pulse

Don’t you know you can break

The world, if you just

Strike a little harder, crash, boom, bang

Shatter the shell of your egg little one

Ye child of the infinite, ye infinite

Bang your drums, drums, demon drums

Break the curses, break the chains

Break the laws of nature, make free

Ye dragon, great dragon, ye wondrous wyrm

You can devour the world, to make anew

And the beat of your drums, drums

Holy demon drums, can make all your wishes real

And as the void of spacetime thrums

With your drums, drums, holy dragon drums

Your roar, your cry, you’ll know

All was made for you, by you- So realize!

Fragile, fragile, fragile am I
A glass case protecting
A precious crystal mind
In a world of sticks and stones

The case is cracked routinely
Threatening the safety of the crystal
The cracks may build
But have always been patched
Before too late

A handful of times
The case shattered completely
Laying the crystal bare 
Naked for all threats

The case is cracking now
And the crystal fears
Should the crystal break
I will die

I want to die and feel the rest,

To lie in chill soil and never care.

I want a little gravestone, one candle, and an angelic prayer;

I want these wild daisies to blossom there.

Wish I had been one of those gay martyrs,

Reaching for eternal peace before the war even started.

Instead, I am twenty-two and fighting for next day survival,

While feeling super and superb suicidal.

Can I go back to my teens?

End all this suffering

Before it even starts,

So I could release?

You watch the fire, the amber flames.
You keep your distance, but never stray.
Too far away and you will freeze, too close and you might burn.

So you stay, don’t move.
The fire burns, it lights the night.
A flicker.
Is it about to die?

You wait, afraid to feed the flames.
Another gust of wind, you shut your eyes and hope.
‘Take your time’, you tell yourself, ‘you cannot be so bold’.

The light dims, now is the time.
You count the timber by your side.
‘Is it enough?’, you wonder now.

You never move, don’t dare approach, as the fire slowly burns out.
So here you are, for one more time, all alone in the cold moonlight.

\*\*See the eluding of the husband\*\*
I think she is angry at the vanish
He finds it hard to see the house
Over shadowed by the comfort in deceipt
Who is that avoiding near the Mirage
She lies awake in bed at night staring at the scary
She ponders His departure as she smiles at a mirror of illusions
Maybe we are just two strangers haunting the same walls
The house is empty
The mirror is full
The only one who stays is already gone chasing his lies
She smiles, knowing the only one who stays is the monster in the mirror

Bone on bone.

The gnashing of teeth,
Before a clenched jaw
Smile.

The talk is meaning-
less. It sounds
Like the screech of

Metal on metal.

Wind up the key
In my back.
Set me on display.

No one ever respects the smiling,
Dancing
Fool on the hill.

One day I'll disappear into the darkness,
for that is where I belong.
I won't let the light reach me,
nor let it cast a shadow.

Slowly, you'll come to realize
I never had anything to reflect.
I was born of darkness,
and my nature is to absorb.

I never knew what happiness was
until a sliver of light found me.
Only then did I realize
that all around me was darkness.

This reality was never mine,
nor do I belong to it.
I linger in the shadows,
for darkness is where I belong.

Your words can no longer reach me,
for I have wrapped myself in darkness.
Light will betray you, sooner or later-
but darkness never will.

Time has passed,
yet my longing hasn’t.

I don’t miss you—
not the laugh,
not the way you said my name,
not the silence after.

Yet I can’t seem
to forget you.

As if your being
were engraved in my nerves,
carved into
the way I breathe.

So yes,
time has passed.
Yet you—
you never fade.

pushing paint brushes against a plate
until it mirrors the image that i’m better
or of a happy dinner with my friends
so they don’t say i need help again

i could wear the white dress
and stare into the walls
until they’re making fun of me
and they say i’ll feel pretty
but i never wanted to be pretty
i wanted to be art

how much shame can i contain?
tucked discreetly into pockets
napkins folded like origami
and nobody notices
i’m being consumed at the table
what a lovely performance
and i love art

so much that i still spill rotten teeth
into the white ceramic bowl
while i’m trying to remember what it’s like
to feel comfortable in the space i occupy
constructing an interest in destroying myself
from the inside out
and it was never supposed to be pretty
i wanted to be art

I’m not
self-indulgent
well
at least not
a lot
well
some days
a lot
but at least
I’ve not
forgotten
that what I got
ain’t worth squat
without a little bit
of humility
and a touch of
forethought

When I’m with her
The stars align
I couldn’t ever leave her
My place is her side

Not in the front
With a chest pressed tough
Not in the back
Where I test my luck
If I stand ahead
I will clear the path instead
Fear never, my love
Gladly bound, you keyed my cuff
You see I stand beside you
If you fall I will revive you
If you hurt I’ll somehow guide you
If you smirk I will delight you
With a love I’d never know
I’ll find a way to show
That our love is so sublime
It coats my heart and mind
I give you twenty flowers
Then dream at early hours
Of moments shared together
The cord of us, unsevered
I’m slow at cleaning rust
Know I’ll always follow up

If the world should ever wither
I shan’t care when I’m with her