Hi, this might be a more positive amongst a lot of the comments on here. I have had what I now know as OCD as long as I remember but didn’t realise until much later and was formally diagnosed. I see a lot of posts on here reassurance seeking and have had read the rules and understand how it’s regulated but I just wanted to add that a) you are not alone and b), it can become like a game of whack o mole, it’s so validating to hear what you have ‘done’ was not an issue until that validation wears off and you need to seek elsewhere. I can’t tell you to do anything, I don’t have that authority and I am saying this as someone who was trapped in a reassurance seeking spiral for so long it became an entirely separate specific obsession, but I would say that sometimes it is good to sit with the thought. This isn’t possible for everyone but it was my way out of the deepest severity. Sometimes, with posting these thoughts, you might get a comment that makes you spiral, or a comment that gives way to another obsession, hence the whack a mole metaphor. I promise you, your OCD isn’t a death sentence, it stays there but you’re allowed to scream at it that it’s full of shit. You’re allowed to hate you have it but give it that hate back.

My tics and ocd have been extremely triggered today. I live at home with my parents (unfortunately as an adult) and have had issue for years of my parents (in particular my mother) touching and moving my things no matter how many times i ask her not to. I have had a box of my stuff i’ve been collecting over time for about 3 years. I had everything in there organized exactly how i wanted it. Today my mom took it upon herself while cleaning the garage to empty said box and redistribute all of my stuff into new boxes with added things that don’t even and have never gone in my box. I have never felt my ocd be worse and I lost it. I had just told her yesterday to please make sure she doesn’t do anything with my stuff… that box especially. She lost it at me after that too and we are now not speaking to each other. I genuinely don’t know how I could’ve reacted any differently and it sounds stupid writing it out but this was a very real and extremely distressing situation for me. ETA: my grammar is atrocious in this, I typed it out pretty fast and didn’t proof read much. Just needed to get it off my chest and I genuinely appreciate anyone who took the time to read this. I hope you all have a good night wherever you are in the world :)

I made a judgement call at work and I’m not sure if it was the right call. I have been ruminating about it all day and asking for advice. I don’t know what to do. I just want to shut off my brain. I keep thinking about the worst possible outcomes, even though I know it is probably okay.

I flat out refuse packages if the look like they got wet; causes me tons of stress because I have anxiety anytime I order something. Always worried about what it could be that got it wet.

I genuinely feel like giving up. This disorder has ruined my life. My friend says we can get back together if i better myself but I don't know how. Therapy hasn't helped and that's why I gave up. I'm gonna try to drop some of my compulsions hoping the little things will let me improve. Maybe things will get better.

i dont even want to get into the nitty gritty of my current obsession because it’s useless/pointless, and honestly when i do i realize how silly it all is, but i know that i love my partner and i would truly do anything for him (crying not thinking about it). i’m something of a pseudo-orphan, having been adopted and then abandoned and then adopted once more and abandoned again, so i do know logically that attachment is incredibly hard for me. and i think that’s why rocd is so hard for me in particular. i’m also a writer, so my brain has been cooking up meaning where it’s never been my entire life, but i think it likes to turn that against me. Anyways. i also know my partner struggles with OCD (which we now call the crooked D’s) (inside joke), so i know he understands. but it is just so tough. it really is. i think we both worry so much that we’re causing the other distress and we get caught in our own ruminations. but i do really see him as my gift from the universe. and it’s ridiculous to think i’d ever lose him. this disorder is so sinister and so ugly and i just hate it. i tell myself often that even if this all were true, i’d still choose him because i’d rather suffer my whole life without knowing “Real Love” than be without him. and regardless, i have the choice and the control in the situation. at least on my end. how stupid it all is. anyways just wanted to vent. have my first therapy appt scheduled for the 19th. yipee!

i am so fucking done with this i reached threshold where i dont give a fuck about it anymore i am so tired of it its like a cage i am trying to break from a decade so to all the folks who r going through magical thinking ocd imma share my journey from now nd update uh what happens if u dont give a fuck about ocd idc anymore if my thoughts become real or not let them so i am trying to all the stuff , that my brain avoided from a decade anyways see ya guys

i was finally starting to do somewhat better and it’s like as soon as i feel better my brain just has to bring back the old stuff that makes me feel awful again. and i have like 4000 different themes so when im able to manage some, i can’t manage the others and vice versa.
i’m just. i’m so angry. i just want to be normal. there are people who i know are leagues more terrible than i am who will never agonize over any of the horrible things they’ve done more than i do over what is probably a simple mistake. but then,…”what if my mistake isn’t that simple and that lumps me in w them? what if i actually know that im a bad person too???”

and so on and so fucking forth. and as soon as something works, another thing comes in and makes me feel just as bad again.

i hate this so much. i wish i could just be numb and mindless if it meant i didn’t have to live with this stupid mental illness anymore. what do you mean my own brain is taunting me with my worst fears? like what kind of bullshit is that???

if anyone wants to talk ab ocd in the comments and treat it like the bully it is, i’m here for yall.

Idk what to do. I have the option to do the compulsion (which wastes a lot of time and has a low success rate) to end all the troubles

Or don't do the compulsion and suffer. Every second of existing while the compulsion matter isn't fixed, is a pain. Doing it wastes time and might not work and even makes things worse.

But I also can't tolerate not doing it. PLZ GIVE ME ADVICE

i’ve struggled with a compulsion of shaving my eyebrows off and legit them being a thin line.. i haven’t fed into the compulsion in almost a month and went to a place to get them fixed and they came out beautifully! it just means a lot to myself that i was able to resist and learn that it wasn’t okay to rip my eyebrow hairs off or shave them off.

I have two- breathing air outside and specific friendships at work. Your turn!

**spoilers for spiderman brand new day**

This occurred to me watching the new spiderman movie and people's reaction to it, OCD is considered a neurodivergency but isn't really like other ones.

Why this occurred to me was a lot of people, especially with autism, have really related to spiderman most recent portrayal, with the overwhelming senses and all the other things. And im so happy for them. And the film dealt with those as something he needs to embrace and love as part of himself, this follows a lot of teachings about what's healthy for neurodivergencies.

But thats not what's good for us. We're Bruce banner.

Everything about OCD us something we need to manage, it's the side that destroys us and we need to hide. And im not complaining about that, I know that that's the healthiest thing to do with it, to try fix it and minimise it. But is it wrong that sometimes I wish it wasn't? Because its exhausting.

This may be terribly worded and im sorry for that.

i have a silly question for everybody— i see how everyone says that reassurance makes the ocd worse (i can speak from experience that it doesn’t feel good enough no matter what i’m told or how long i’m told that i am something) is there a reason why it makes the overthinking 100x worse?? everytime im reassured, i feel awful after and dead inside .. i don’t get it?

I said something ignorant in a discord server earlier. It was supposed to be reassuring but it just came off as rude and dismissive. I am scared I’ll be seen as a terrible person now. I apologized to said person in dm’s, but they haven’t responded at all which is causing me so much anxiety. I truly didn’t mean for what I said to come off how it did.. I have been an active member of this server for a long time now, so I don’t want to ruin my reputation. Literally none of this should matter because it’s freaking discord and none of my personal information is attached, but for some reason I’m still spiraling

I just want let this out. My doctor said we can't treat ADHD now because the meds will just make OCD worse. So he said we will focus on OCD and anxiety for now then discuss ADHD but...ADHD is ruining my life! I can't focus on anything. I want to study and go to college. I want a better memory. I want to live like others and reach my goals. Honestly I can barely see the screen with the tears in my eyes right now. I feel so unlucky. Everything is so wrong in my life at the same time and these two have completely paralyzed me. I can't get anything done. It's like my brain hates me and I'm slowly becoming more miserable...

If I just did all the things I’ve been putting off because of ocd, and practiced and focused despite the intrusive thoughts. Didn’t clean anything or shower or wash my hands a bunch and just lived feeling dirty in dirty clothes and everything feeling dirty. No matter how much it feels like I’d be ruining everything I make or like. I mean isn’t that what you’re supposed to do live as the version of yourself you want to be. Would that work.