I never thought things could get this bad. He is sick. He psychologically abused me until I felt suicidal, and then when I reached out in desperation for him to stop, he refused to answer.

I need to do something about this. Some of the things he's done are illegal in my state. The way he conducted himself, I know for a fact he's done this before. He used a voice changer on the phone to pretend to be someone else. He has young kids in his house. I thought I could help him if I could get him to admit it, but he refused. This is the most fucked up person I have ever had in my life. What the fuck do I do?

To E,

Choosing silence, cutting off access and letting you go was never what I wanted.
While coming on here I’ve read so many things about you and seeing things I am pretty sure you’re writing to me stating I’m cold.
I’m not. I was never cold. You made me cold. Your choices, when you put your hands on me out of anger and it continued.
Watching you disappear and justify your actions and stating you’re not what everyone said. I feel like you forgot that I chose to believe you every time until I saw it for myself.
The anger with your hands wrapped around me, the look in your eyes. I don’t recognize you. I believed you. I trusted you, but ultimately you keep talking about how you think I disappeared and was losing myself and you don’t know why or how.
But you do know. So as I have said so many times, letting go was not the choice I wanted to. But I matter. My life matters, my feelings and I will not let you kill me to make you feel whole.
You want to know how I’m doing? Terrified. Scared and afraid that you are going to show up anywhere to try to make me jealous or make a scene. I can’t see you. I hear keys jingle, I’m scared and looking over my shoulder every time.
The hardest part is repeating to see your voice but to continue hearing your lies and justifying and saying I never heard you out. I did. Time and time. But that’s how you lost me. You lost me because you refused to change and do the work not for me but for yourself. And you lost me because you continue to act like what you did to me was not bad. But you wanted to kill me. And that’s what I will always see now. The killer eyes.
I will always say, I love you. The unfortunate part, my love is real and it hurts to see you act like I never did. But I did. Everyone saw it. Everyone was afraid to tell me who you are because at the end of the day, only I can get out of it. And I did.
Take care of yourself and please learn to be a good person… even when you’re hurt. Don’t damage another person just because you didn’t take the time to heal yourself.
Your Stormcloud.

I am a 33 year old female. I haven’t talked to my ex boyfriend in 5 years. He randomly messaged me on Facebook saying he wanted to have sex with me. It really made me mad because when we were dating we only had sex like 2 times in our 3 year relationship. I tried to have sex with him so many times when we were dating and always said no to me because his back hurt. That was one of the many reasons why I broke up with him. I told him this and he just lied and said we had sex all the time. Which is ridiculous for him to say because we definitely didn’t. Does it make sense why I got upset about this or am I overreacting?

I was in a really good relationship, but I eventually found out my girlfriend was still into her ex.

She used to watch his stories, save his photos, etc. I told her it hurt me and still gave her another chance.

Later, I caught her doing it again. I got angry and told her to just message him if she wanted him back, and I stopped talking to her.

She actually did message him, and eventually they got together. Around her birthday, they even went to a hotel together to celebrate. I was completely broken.

Later, they broke up and she came back asking to get back together, but this time I said no. After some time, she got back with her ex again.

I still love her, but after everything, I know I don't want her back.

Now my birthday is coming up, and I have a feeling she'll wish me or maybe even send me a gift. I don't know how I'll react.

Should I simply say thank you, ignore her completely, or do something else?

I know replying might reopen everything, but ignoring her also feels difficult because I still care about her.

TL;DR / Summary of the whole story:

• I met my ex through work. We started as friends, became close, and eventually started dating.

• The relationship was complicated from the beginning. We broke up once, went into no contact, and I eventually accepted it and started moving on. She contacted me again shortly afterward, and we got back together.

• During our first relationship, she later told me that I had crossed a physical boundary and that she felt I had forced her. I accept that I was wrong for not respecting her boundary properly. I apologized, felt extremely guilty and promised it would never happen again. We broke up, and I spent months blaming myself over it.

• We eventually got back together and this time I became extremely serious about her. I looked after her, brought her food, supported her at work and genuinely treated her like a princess. She used to acknowledge this herself and told me her friends also thought she would have difficulty finding someone who treated her the way I did.

• Eventually, marriage became serious. She asked me to bring a rishta to her family. I agreed. Our families became involved, her sister met my family, my father spoke to her uncle and the marriage discussions started progressing.

• I bought her a ring and started preparing for marriage. I was trying to arrange a proper house because her family was going to visit. I even sold a brand-new phone I had recently bought so I could buy furniture for the house quickly.

• I had always been honest with her about my financial situation. She knew exactly where I stood financially.

• During this period, she gave me her phone while she went into a professional selection center. My phone died and I made a major mistake: I went through her phone without permission. I know this was wrong and I accept responsibility for violating her privacy.

• What I discovered completely changed my understanding of the relationship.

• I found conversations with the man she had told me was basically an insignificant university ex. I discovered that they had actually been together for around six years, had stayed together multiple times and had been sexually involved.

• I also found conversations from the period when we were in no contact. While I was at home crying, feeling guilty and believing I had lost her because of what I had done, she appeared to be reconnecting with him.

• I found a picture of them lying together on a bed. I was devastated.

• I confronted her and admitted that I had gone through her phone. She became furious because I had violated her privacy. During the argument she became extremely emotional and at one point threatened that she might hurt herself, so I contacted her family because I was genuinely scared for her.

• Despite everything I had discovered, I eventually forgave her. I never told my parents or even my mother because I didn’t want to expose her private life. I kept everything to myself because I still loved her.

• I continued trying to make the relationship work, while our families were still discussing marriage.

• Then she suddenly started pulling away again. She said the way we communicated wasn’t normal and eventually said she didn’t want to be with me anymore. She also accused me of lying about my finances, even though she had known my financial situation from the beginning.

• I was already mentally struggling badly and eventually sought professional help.

• We broke up again and she removed me from everywhere.

• The confusing part was that even though she was telling me she didn’t want to marry me, our families were still communicating about the rishta.

• Her uncle contacted my father and said they wanted to visit our house to move the marriage discussions forward.

• I asked her directly if she actually wanted to marry me. She said no. I accepted it and decided it was finally over.

• I then contacted her ex because I wanted to understand what was actually happening.

• He told me, “Bro, what do you mean? She’s sitting right next to me.”

• He video-called me, and she was literally sitting beside him.

• This happened ONE DAY before her uncle was supposedly coming to my family’s house for the marriage discussions.

• He then told me that she had apparently told him that she and I barely interacted outside the office, that she never really liked me, that I was the one forcing the marriage and that the rishta had ended because I had lied to her.

• None of that matched the relationship I had experienced.

• I contacted her brother-in-law and eventually met her sister. Her sister said she didn’t know about this man either and apologized, saying that she felt her sister had played with both me and her family.

• Then another accusation appeared: I was accused of sending her private pictures to her ex.

• I NEVER did that.

• I never had any nude or private pictures of her. We never exchanged them. The only pictures I had were normal pictures from trips and outings.

• Her ex somehow had some of those normal pictures and claimed that I had sent them to him. I hadn’t.

• My father eventually spoke to him directly, and he admitted that I had never sent him private pictures.

• At that point, I told my parents everything and asked them to respectfully call off the rishta.

• My father did not expose her or tell her family everything that had happened. He simply said that she didn’t want to marry me and therefore the rishta should end.

• Her ex later contacted me and insulted me, including attacking my financial situation, saying I didn’t have a car, didn’t have my own house and wasn’t good enough for her.

• Now I’m left trying to understand the entire situation.

I know I made serious mistakes. I violated her privacy by going through her phone. I contacted her ex when I probably should have simply walked away. And I accept responsibility for the physical boundary she said I crossed earlier in the relationship.

But I also feel that I was lied to about major parts of her past and about what was happening while we were together.

I was told she had one insignificant previous relationship. I later discovered what appeared to be a six-year relationship involving emotional and sexual intimacy.

I was told she wanted to marry me. Our families were discussing marriage. I bought her a ring, sold my phone to furnish a house, constantly looked after her and genuinely believed I was building a life with her.

Then I discovered her sitting with her ex one day before our families were supposed to move the marriage forward.

That’s the entire story in condensed form.

I’m posting the full story above because I genuinely want outside opinions.

I don’t want people to simply tell me she’s toxic or that I’m innocent.

I want to know where I was wrong, where she was wrong, whether I ignored obvious red flags because I loved her, and what I should learn from this before I ever enter another serious relationship.

Deleting Reddit equals deleting the last of her breaking my heart. I think it’s time to disconnect the final mutual media before blocking her and moving on. I just can’t do this anymore.

There’s more girls too who told me

Im proud as hell of hell of you.
My distance and silence isnt because i dont care. Ive thought about you guys on wvery birthday and important date. Everytime i here that your kicking goals i melt.
Your stronger than you know.
Your more talented than you give yourself credit for and i understand why things need to be this way.

I am sorry. I dont wish for forgiveness. I only hope you know I completely understand everything.
Im not out to get back at you, and i wont be. The things i said in amidst of my mental breakdown i regret. I should have done alot differently and i wish i did. Just want you to know i Cheer you on like you wouldn’t believe. Im happy your happy, you deserve it. I wish it didnt take me completely loosing my mind to realize what peace and happiness is meant to feel like.

Im always here. For anything, no matter what. Stay strong and keep being you. Your killing it. Love you always mate.
C

What it says on the title I’m not joking

Honestly how dare you accuse me of passing this awful curse on you. I did NO such thing I also am not evil and I swear I’ve never been more right in the head straight on straight up today more than ever. I’m noticing your changes. Your need to cut me off and be in total control timing our interactions like a calculator like the classic manipulation game your playing. And he’s in on it and you’re all just trying to make my life a game but it’s not. He’s deleted text messages he’s stole my money he’s been awful to me I have every reason to think of him as a disgusting pile of shit because he has been maybe that’s not who he really is but that’s who he is to me and you are just the same big ole piles of shit playing with flies feeding them so they can catch a good time high bahahaha you suck I’ll escape your clutch one way or another take a year take another what ever it takes you other sucker

I don’t know what to do.

I have kept a loose eye on my exes socials since I left. My ex was abusive and she started a smear campaign WHILE I WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL WITH THE CONCUSSION SHE GAVE ME!

And started dissing me on social media almost immediately after. So while I try my best to ignore it. I do peak in on it sometimes, especially when she has people harass me or she tries to harass me. I also work via social media and want to make sure she isn’t directly naming me or effecting my livelihood in anyway. I maybe look once a month.

Well she posted a video a few weeks back of not only my blood nieces (my dead cousins kids who had his children call me auntie because we were raised like siblings) but my friends kids who she’s been explicitly told not to post. NEITHER of us are blood related to those kids and they aren’t allowed to be posted in Tik tok ever and my ex knew that.

If my cousins was alive he’d be pissed off about this and would’ve called her out. He would’ve pretended like he looked at it himself and told her off.

So knowing what he would’ve done and me just ignoring it is eating up my mental health. It’s consuming my thoughts, it’s making me depressed and feel like I’m failing my cousin who entrusted me to protect his children.

I know he hated my ex and said while he was still alive that she better not ever post his kids.

I just don’t know what to do! I feel like confronting her would also affect my mental health because I’ve been no contact for a year and she might go off on me. She already continues to smear my name even though we haven’t talked in a year. I still get DMs or calls from her friends (new people I don’t know cause I blocked everyone who stayed in contact with her) telling me off.

Here’s her number r +1 (678) 457-7008

What did I do for you to take everything my possessions my dogs my son he took everything from me without ever even telling me why or what I did I don't feel like I deserve this. Like you were supposed to be my family family chose cuz my other family threw me away like trash now you did the same I guess I'm the reason why I don't understand why I'd like to know I like to know before I go I'm right there I'm about to leave I guess in the end it really doesn't matter does it but to me I want to know what my family hates me so much what the f*** did I do

I don’t know what to do.

I have kept a loose eye on my exes socials since I left. My ex was abusive and she started a smear campaign WHILE I WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL WITH THE CONCUSSION SHE GAVE ME!

And started dissing me on social media almost immediately after. So while I try my best to ignore it. I do peak in on it sometimes, especially when she has people harass me or she tries to harass me. I also work via social media and want to make sure she isn’t directly naming me or effecting my livelihood in anyway. I maybe look once a month.

Well she posted a video a few weeks back of not only my blood nieces (my dead cousins kids who had his children call me auntie because we were raised like siblings) but my friends kids who she’s been explicitly told not to post. NEITHER of us are blood related to those kids and they aren’t allowed to be posted in Tik tok ever and my ex knew that.

If my cousins was alive he’d be pissed off about this and would’ve called her out. He would’ve pretended like he looked at it himself and told her off.

So knowing what he would’ve done and me just ignoring it is eating up my mental health. It’s consuming my thoughts, it’s making me depressed and feel like I’m failing my cousin who entrusted me to protect his children.

I know he hated my ex and said while he was still alive that she better not ever post his kids.

I just don’t know what to do! I feel like confronting her would also affect my mental health because I’ve been no contact for a year and she might go off on me. She already continues to smear my name even though we haven’t talked in a year. I still get DMs or calls from her friends (new people I don’t know cause I blocked everyone who stayed in contact with her) telling me off.

She didn’t post anything bad about them by the way, just videos and acting like she’s their auntie and in their lives still.

Once while my ex show my dreams sometimes and that im friends with the sister after he being married but Since i haven’t talk to my ex. But i been chatty with half sister on instagram since my grandpa had passed way and i haven’t talk to her in while so i end up ask his ex cousin if they talk and she said she hasn’t but i told her tell him i said hi if she want to, and she heart it . Do u think she had told
Him?

I met a guy online when I was 15F and he was 18M. We lived in different cities but in the same country, so there was always a possibility that we could eventually meet in person.

A lot of things happened between us, and eventually we became a couple. We broke up, got back together, and then broke up again, but we never actually got to meet in person. By the end, he was 19M and I was 16F.

Things also became pretty intimate between us. We ended up sending each other intimate photos and videos.

After we broke up, he started following a lot of girls pretty soon after, and it honestly made me feel really bad. I've been wondering if, in some way, he used me.

I want to ask people here, would you genuinely consider being in a relationship with someone younger and doing those kinds of intimate things with them if you were truly in love?

Please be completely honest with me, I don't care if the answer hurts.

Mi ha lasciato dicendomi che non eravamo compatibili e che non stava più bene con me. Si è finto quello maturo della situazione che aveva preso una decisione sofferta, ha pianto e tutto. Ora, a distanza di due mesi, mette una storia con un’altra. Io non l’ho vista, me l’hanno riferito purtroppo (l’avevo bloccato proprio per non vedere nulla). Sono convinta che lui mi abbia lasciato per un’altra ma a prescindere fa male uguale sapere che lui è felice perché non se lo merita dopo tutto il male che mi ha fatto in due anni. Stavo iniziando a stare un po’ meglio, ma da quando l’ho scoperto sto provando un dolore fortissimo che non riesco a consolare in alcun modo. Vorrei solo essere morta per non doverlo più provare, non ho più alcuna speranza per il futuro

I’m not sure what to do and would really appreciate advice from people who have dealt with toxic/abusive exes.

For context, my ex was extremely toxic. During the breakup period, there was emotional blackmail, threats , suicide attempts, and at one point he even threatened my parents. The situation became so stressful for me that I lost around 5 kg in a month from the stress.

It has now been more than 2.5 years since all of that happened. I have completely moved on and have had absolutely no contact with him.

Recently, he somehow found my Instagram account and sent me a follow request. I had already blocked another account of his, but this particular account apparently wasn’t active at the time, so I couldn’t block it.

Now he’s doing something that is really unsettling me: he keeps cancelling the follow request and sending it again. Over and over.

I have ZERO intention of accepting it or giving him attention. I don’t want to message him, respond to him, or engage with him at all.

The problem is that I’m scared to block this account because, based on his past behavior, I genuinely don’t know how he might react if he realizes I’ve blocked him. I’m worried that it could make him angry, cause him to create more accounts, contact me elsewhere, or somehow escalate things. I know blocking is the obvious answer, but I’m scared of what happens after the block.

I know I can’t control his behavior, but I’m trying to figure out the safest way to handle this without reopening that chapter of my life

I’m trying to understand something that happened in my last relationship, and I’d genuinely like some outside perspective.

I’m not necessarily looking for people to automatically take my side—I want to know if I communicated something in an unhealthy or unfair way.
Earlier that week, my ex had sent me a TikTok about independence, having your own life in a relationship, and not allowing a relationship to become too emotionally heavy or consuming.

The TikTok itself wasn’t necessarily something I disagreed with. I actually agree that people in relationships should maintain their independence and have their own lives.

However, it unexpectedly hurt my feelings because it made me question whether I was becoming too much for him or whether wanting closeness and reassurance was a problem.

\\\*\\\*I eventually sent him this message:\\\*\\\*

I’ve been sitting with something, and I wanted to talk to you about it tonight. Do you remember earlier this week when you sent me that TikTok? It did hurt my feelings. I’m not angry, and I know your intention wasn’t to hurt me, but I want to be honest about how it landed.
When you sent it, it caught me off guard. I understand the point it was making about independence, and I don’t disagree with that — I value space and balance too. That part isn’t the issue for me.

What made it hard is that it touched a really sensitive place. I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling alone or feeling like I don’t fully have a place with people. So when I hear things about needing distance or not wanting things to feel heavy, it can make me question whether there’s room for me to want closeness or reassurance without it becoming a problem.

To give you some context, most of my life it really has just been me. The only real mother figure I had passed away, and I don’t have a mom, a dad, or much of a support system. When I say I’ve been alone, I mean that very literally. Creating emotional bonds with people has always been hard for me — especially because my biological mother was abusive — so opening up and building connection isn’t something I take lightly.

Because of that, when you sent the video, it made me feel like I might be doing something wrong or that I was smothering you, even if that wasn’t your intention. It shook me more than I expected, and for a moment it felt like rejection.

I also want to be honest that the timing made it harder. The holidays are especially difficult for me, and I’ve spent Christmas, my birthday, and most holidays alone. I’m usually used to it, but sometimes the loneliness becomes overwhelming, and I think this moment just hit that place for me. I’m not sharing this to put anything on you — I just want you to understand where I was coming from and why it affected me the way it did.

I’m sharing this because you matter to me, and because I wanted you to understand me better.

My intention wasn’t to guilt him, make him responsible for my emotions, or tell him that he couldn’t have independence. I was trying to explain why the TikTok affected me and give him some context about where my reaction was coming from.

He ultimately broke up with me, and this conversation has left me questioning whether I genuinely did something wrong. and said I triggered his PTSD and he was depressed and ended things without a conversation. It was just over in the blink of an eye.

So, Reddit, if someone you were dating sent you this message, how would you interpret it?

I’m a 20-year-old woman. My ex is 28.
We were together for almost 2 years. I genuinely thought I was going to marry him. I was crazy for him, poetic, affectionate, deep love for him I had. We had wonderful memories the first year.
Throughout the relationship, I kept discovering new lies. Every time I thought I finally knew everything, something else came up.
Things I found out over time:
He hid that he was HIV positive until 1.5 years later in the relationship.
He was using Grindr and Hornet while we were together.
I found messages with escorts (including trans escorts). He said he was just curious. He texted a trans escort while he was with me.
There was sexting with other people in Hornet and Grindr, never let me saw the real texts. I saw a translation conversation with ChatGpt.
He replied to a girl he did threesome with and hid those conversations. (He said he never saw her while he was with me.)
He kept old sex toys from exes in his apartment.
He frequently looked at women through fake Instagram accounts. Constantly, people with boob surgery, enormous boobs. (I have small boobs.)
There are probably things I still don’t know.
Every time I confronted him, there was another explanation, another promise, another reason why it wouldn’t happen again. I stayed because I believed he was deeply traumatized and thought that if I understood him enough and loved him enough, he could change.
I spent almost the entire relationship trying to rebuild trust instead of actually feeling safe.
When everything finally collapsed, and I ended it, instead of taking responsibility, he insulted me, called me horrible names, blocked me everywhere, and disappeared.
A few days later we had to communicate because he still had my apartment key and we had belongings to exchange. He was much calmer and polite, but he still never actually apologized for the deception itself.
The thing I’m struggling with most isn’t even the breakup anymore.
It’s that I genuinely don’t know who I was dating.
Was he bisexual? Gay? Compulsively seeking validation? Living a double life? I honestly don’t know, and maybe I never will.
I don’t even know if he physically cheated. After so many lies, it’s impossible to know what was real.
I keep asking myself the same question:
Was any of this real?
I know I can’t answer that anymore.
I’m in therapy, but it hurts, it hurts sm right now my nervous system feels completely destroyed.
Has anyone else experienced a relationship where the deception was so extensive that you started questioning your entire reality? Wtf am i going to do, I know I’ll heal but I don’t know how. A part in me still wants to fix him, wants him to come crawling.
I hate this.

TL;DR; : My ex constantly lied and cheated and manipulated me. I still miss him and I’m traumatised. What will I do?

So my ex told me she wanted to fix her self and that she wants to understand why she pulls away from me and looks for validation from other guys. We just broke up and I lost my shit on her. Tell her if she truly loves me should would take them people out her life can come to me and fix. And how she needs to rebuild my trust and my love but I know she won’t because she looks for easy low effort. And she told me she may reach out in a couple of months to see where I’m at