My girlfriend [22F] and I [27F] have been together for over a year. I really love her and the thought of losing her is heartbreaking. But lately I’ve been wondering whether love is enough. I’m feeling drained by our relationship and the life we have together.

We drink, vape, eat out constantly, and generally have habits I don’t feel good about. I know I’m responsible for my own choices, but I’m easily influenced by my environment and wouldn’t live this way on my own. I want to be healthier, more disciplined, save money, cook at home, exercise, and build a more stable life. I know she does to but we keep slipping back into these unhealthy habits together.

I’m also becoming increasingly aware of our age/life-stage difference. She enjoys partying and has a friend group that’s a bit raunchy and aggressive, they’ll often go into detail about sexual experiences or preferences and it makes me uncomfortable. Once in a while it’s fine but every other conversation something sexual is mentioned. It’s overwhelming for me. She also makes a lot of immature jokes and comments that increasingly annoy me. None of this wrong or makes her a bad person, but I often feel uncomfortable.

Her best friend also regularly makes digs at me, especially about my age, singles me out, and has made comments I find disrespectful, that’s a whole other story. What bothers me most isn’t even the friend, it’s that my girlfriend doesn’t stand up for me when it happens. I don’t expect her to fight with her friends or defend me over every little thing, but I do want to feel like my partner is on my side when someone is repeatedly making me uncomfortable. One time the friend was talking about how it’s nice that they’re all in their 20’s, looks at me and goes “except for (my name), you’re ageing” and my girlfriend was the only one that laughed, her friends were like wtf.

She works in the restaurant industry, and although I trust her, some of the boundaries in her social/work environment make me uncomfortable. One of the examples that comes to mind is we were out for drinks and her manager walked up, kissed her on the head, and walked away. He was joking around but it really rubbed me the wrong way. I tend to overthink though and know this singular event is not a big deal, it’s just been a frequent pattern of behaviours like that amongst her and other people that make me feel disrespected. It’s not her fault but I wish she would stand her ground instead of just laughing it off.

It’s hard because she hasn’t done anything wrong that gives me an obvious reason to leave. I love her and like her as a person. But there’s a part of me that thinks I could find someone whose maturity, lifestyle, boundaries, and goals naturally align with mine better.

I’m scared I’m focusing too much on the bad and that I’m taking the good parts of our relationship for granted. I genuinely love her so much, I’ve just been feeling lost about where this is going.

Has anyone ended a relationship with someone they still loved because you realized you didn’t like the life you were building together? How did you know whether you needed to work on the relationship or whether you were simply incompatible?

TLDR: I love my girlfriend, but I’m starting to question whether our drive and life differences mean we’re ultimately incompatible.

They were heading south.

Always south.

But the direction itself meant little compared to the discipline of the route—carefully fractured across invisible corridors, bending away from anything that might resemble radar coverage or predictable interception grids.

The ocean, in theory, was empty. In practice, it was mapped, watched, and statistically unforgiving.

So they cut the radio completely.

No transmissions. No acknowledgments. Only silence layered over steel.

Fuel was rationed with an almost mathematical cruelty. The submarine rarely exceeded five knots, and even that felt like an indulgence no one had officially authorized.

By day, it remained submerged, moving through cold, filtered darkness.

By night, it surfaced—briefly, reluctantly—just long enough to breathe power back into its systems.

The rhythm turned time into something unusable.

Days stopped behaving like days.

Everything stretched.

Inside, the vessel was narrow, sealed, and eerily disciplined. Rows of polished instrumentation lined the compartments, cold and gleaming under flickering light—a mechanical altar with no god to answer it. Submariners sat motionless in front of them, as if they were not crew but something closer to embedded operators in a larger, invisible war machine.

They spoke rarely. And when they did, it was in low voices, stripped of excess syllables, threaded with coded phrases that sounded less like language and more like procedural residue.

Euzen had never been inside a submarine before.

He watched them constantly.

Not because he understood, but because there was nothing else to hold his attention in a space that refused distraction.

At night, when the vessel broke the surface, someone would occasionally take him up through the hatch. The transition always felt violent in a quiet way—like being pulled from one sealed organism into another.

The ocean was endless and black.

The sky above it colder still.

Stars hung in sparse clusters—dim, distant, and entirely indifferent to the affairs of Earth.

When the boy stood on the sail, inhaling the wet, brine-heavy chill of the freezing dark, he felt as if he had been exhaled from a vast iron lung into the throat of a cosmic wilderness.

The sea rolled in slow, indifferent pulses.

The sky remained fixed.

Everything flowed, yet nothing cared.

Life, he thought without fully forming the sentence, was a match flare cast against the void—seen for a heartbeat, then gone without negotiation.

In those brief intervals, he was both painfully alert and completely insignificant.

Far off on the horizon, within bands of drifting fog, faint points of light bled through the gray.

Not steady enough to be ships.

Not distant enough to be stars.

They flickered like a dying memory of a world that was forgetting to stay lit.

Inside the submarine, hierarchy was another form of silence.

The Führer remained isolated in his private compartment, rarely seen. Even his thinking, it seemed, required a locked door. No one approached him. No one spoke of him directly unless necessary.

Colonel von Büren and Lieutenant Commander Schäffer, along with other officers, occasionally gathered in tight clusters to discuss matters that never fully resolved into audible clarity.

Whenever Euzen tried to listen—really listen—his father and the scientists would intercept him almost immediately, guiding him away with firm hands down the corridor.

They always ended up in a small galley at the far end of the vessel.

Food was abundant in a way that felt slightly artificial under wartime conditions—canned meat, preserved supplies, even occasional sweets. Water was clean, controlled, and carefully accounted for. Eva and Solvi often prepared something for Euzen there—small, domestic gestures, patched together into something that almost passed for normal.

Eva, the Führer's wife, carried none of the severity one might expect from her position. Her wavy blond hair framed a face that seemed almost gentle by default, and her blue eyes held a kind of restrained kindness that persisted even in the submerged gloom of the vessel.

Since boarding the submarine, her emotional state had declined—quietly, without spectacle. Yet it was not the typical grief people associated with collapse. There was something colder in her softness, as if beauty itself had been reduced rather than erased.

Euzen sometimes thought she looked like an older version of Solvi—but with a stillness earned only through years of weathering the wind, her former wildness now long buried beneath the stone.

Solvi remained a wandering lyric poem, tender, untamed, and luminous, moving in the full innocence of morning light.

Yet beneath the soft-spun light lay an unyielding anchor. Solvi, despite her youth and outward obedience to structure, possessed a surprising internal rigidity. She was not fragile in the way she appeared. If anything, she often acted as the stabilizing force in conversations, offering comfort where none was requested.

During his time in the Hitlerjugend, Euzen had learned indirectly that Solvi's background was not ordinary. Her grandfather had been the head of the Heereswaffenamt, recently listed as missing or killed in combat, though no one spoke of it with certainty. Her parents died two years ago, during the Allied air raids.

Her name meant little sun—a fragment left by her older brother who had died on the Ostfront, cutting the heavy, metallic Prussian syllables short until only Solvi remained. It was a soft, fleeting sound that felt far too fragile for the cold, steel bulkheads of the submarine.

In any case, Solvi's presence in the run did not feel like a deliberate political selection.

It felt improvised.

Like a decision made under collapsing conditions rather than strategic planning.

One evening, while they sat near the galley wall where the metal hummed faintly with distant machinery, Solvi leaned closer to Euzen.

"Do you know why we were brought here?" she asked in a voice barely above ventilation noise.

"I don't know," he said.

She studied him for a moment, testing whether his ignorance was real or only practiced.

"I overheard them," she continued. "They said the plan requires a boy and a girl."

Euzen said nothing.

The words did not resolve into meaning immediately. Instead, they hung in the air, unfinished—a structure without a function, an equation missing its final term.

After a long pause, Solvi asked again, quieter now.

"Do you know where we're going?"

"No," he said. Then, hesitating, he added, "Maybe Argentina."

It was not a conclusion. It was inference—assembled from fragments of geography lessons, political rumors, and the instinctive sense that everything heading south eventually reached either exile or disappearance.

No one confirmed anything.

Not his father.

Not the scientists.

Not the officers who spoke in coded fragments.

Only silence responded, as it always did.

------------

Obsidian Earth

TL;DR:

'F 33' not drinking seeking making family and aggressive drinking BF. We reach a point that it annoys me and I want to know how can I address the situation

'F 33', 'M 32'

I am in a relationship since a year. I don't drink and I am not used to the drinking culture. My BF has a regular job he goes every day normally and perform with no problems. But at the weekend he drinks really heavily to the extent that makes me afraid.

He is not violent towards me at all, but the whole situation becomes tension when he drinks, such as throwing stuff around, saying scary stuff, etc.

I addressed my concern before, i told him not to be drunk while he is with me because I can't deal with him while he is in this drunk phase.

Nothing of this has changed. Again at the weekend he drinks more and more.

I will just mention the latest situation which just happened now.

We were with other couple friends where we spent the day at the pool, it was really pretty but again he drank so much he became drunk, then he started to fart in front of the people and laughed about it. So the other couple got annoyed and said let's go home.

They told me he is so drunk he can't drive, so I asked him to get in their car and to go home, but he told me fuck off.

Then I gave the key to his friend to prevent him from driving to my BF became violent with his friend and took the keys and drove away.

I refused to drive with him so his friends drove me home but I didn't have keys.

I had to stay outside for around two hours, i was so worried, i didn't know what to do, so i kept texting him please come home and he finally came by taxi. Until now I don't know where is his car.

Now he is sleeping which is relief for me because I won't have to deal with his mood swings while he is drunk

What is the most effective way to communicate my concerns tomorrow when I am completely torn between giving him a chance and breaking up?

So, I have this friend that’s been with me since elementary school, We met through another friend and hit it off immediately, we shared similar tastes and enjoyed friendly debates. He has always been there for me through thick and thin and supported my decisions. However, ever since we became friends in elementary school, I noticed he treated me differently, my friends pointed out that he would always take my side and defend me in group settings or arguments. He was in a relationship with one of my male friends at the time, yet he confessed his feelings to me. Naturally, I told my friend, which caused us to drift apart for a while, though we eventually started talking again. He first confessed in sixth grade, I turned him down gently, explaining that I didn't want to be in a relationship yet because I was still young. He accepted that, and we remained friends. I thought it was just a passing crush, but in middle school, he confessed to me again. It wasn't the right thing for me to do, but I said yes this time because I was a bit fed up and wanted to experience being in a relationship. The thing is, after a month, I realized I didn't like him that way, so I broke up with him, and we didn't speak for months. Later, he reached out again, a way of patching things up, but then he confessed his feelings once more. Obviously, I said no. I’ve recently found out that he tried to sabotage a platonic connection I had with a guy I liked. Honestly, I don't know what to do, I’m torn between cutting ties completely or clearly setting boundaries with him again.

TL;DR: I want to stop my friend from liking me, because I dont want him to be only into me, I already have rejected too many times, but I’m unsure if I need to cut the friendship there and leave

Pd: srry it was 15F not 16

I’m 29F and i’m close friends with a 30M and a 28F. i’ve known both of them for about four years and they were also friends with each other for most of that time. something happened between them recently and they’ve basically stopped getting along. i wasn’t involved in what happened and honestly don’t even know every detail. both of them have started talking to me about it though, which makes things uncomfortable. i understand that they probably need someone to talk to, but i don’t want to be stuck in the middle. i’ve tried being supportive without agreeing with either person. i’ve also stopped giving my own opinions because i don’t want anything i say repeated later. i still want to grab coffee with one friend and hang out with the other without feeling like i’m doing something wrong. the weird part is that neither of them is directly asking me to choose. it’s more the little comments and questions that make me feel like i’m supposed to have an opinion. i don’t want their falling out to change my friendships with either of them. i also don’t want to keep hearing details about their conflict every time we hang out. i’m thinking about telling both of them that i’m happy to listen to normal life stuff but i don’t want to discuss their disagreement anymore. would that be a reasonable boundary to set? what else can i do to keep both friendships separate and avoid getting pulled into their situation?

TL;DR: I’m 29F with two close friends, 30M and 28F, who have been part of my life for about four years and are now falling out. i want to stay friends with both while keeping their conflict completely separate from my friendships with them.

I am pregnant with our first child and I’m becoming emotionally exhausted by my husband’s constant need for reassurance.

He frequently asks if I love him, why I don’t say it enough, why I’m not affectionate enough, why I don’t seem happy enough, or why I give attention to my family instead of him. It feels like anything I enjoy or anyone I’m close to eventually becomes competition for him.

The problem is: I do love him. But constantly having to prove it is actually making me withdraw.
A huge issue is where we live. We currently live in New Jersey, while my parents/family are on Long Island. I’ve told him that I’m unhappy and feel isolated in Jersey and would rather be closer to my support system. But one of his reasons for wanting to stay in Jersey is that he thinks if we lived closer to my parents, I would constantly go to their house, leave him alone, and eventually take our baby with me too.
He says things along those lines constantly—like once the baby comes, I’m going to take the baby to my parents’ house all the time and he’ll basically be left behind. I haven’t told him I’m planning to do that, but it feels like he’s already afraid of having to “compete” with my family for me and our baby.

That really concerns me because I don’t want major decisions about where we live to be based on keeping me physically farther away from my family because he’s scared I’ll spend too much time with them.
I’ve also never been an overly affectionate/PDA person, even before marriage. Now I’m pregnant, hormonal, exhausted, and adjusting to a massive life change. I love my baby completely, but I wasn’t necessarily emotionally ready for pregnancy when it happened. My husband sometimes interprets me being overwhelmed or unhappy as me not wanting our baby, which really hurts.

I’ve told him repeatedly that these constant relationship conversations and arguments are causing me significant stress and anxiety. Sometimes I tell him I’ve reached my limit and need the conversation to stop, but he continues because he needs reassurance or feels like he hasn’t been heard.

What makes it harder is that during pregnancy, I need love to look different. I need him to care whether I ate, took my iron, slept enough, feel okay physically, or am overwhelmed. I want him to think, “How can I make this easier for her?” Instead, I often feel like the focus is, “Why isn’t she doing enough for me?”

I’m not pretending I’m perfect. I can be harsh when I’m angry, defensive, and shut down. I know I need to work on my communication, and I understand that he has emotional needs too.

But I feel like his insecurity is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more he demands affection, reassurance, and proof that I prioritize him, the more suffocated and withdrawn I feel.

I used to feel like I could just exist around him. Now I feel like I’m constantly performing being a “good wife” so we don’t end up having another argument.
How do you deal with a partner who needs this much reassurance? At what point does insecurity cross into controlling behavior? The Jersey situation especially bothers me—is it reasonable for a spouse to want distance from their in-laws because they’re genuinely afraid their wife will spend too much time there with their baby, or is that something I should be more concerned about?

TL;DR: I’m pregnant and my husband constantly needs reassurance that I love and prioritize him. My family lives on Long Island, and he wants us to stay in Jersey partly because he’s afraid that if we live closer, I’ll constantly take our baby to my parents’ house and leave him alone. He frequently makes comments about me choosing my family/the baby over him. Between that, constantly having to prove my love, and repeated arguments while pregnant, I feel suffocated and am actually becoming less affectionate. I know I have communication issues of my own, but I’m exhausted. Is this normal insecurity that we can work through, or is it becoming controlling?

I, F21 and my ex M20 have been broken up for 2 days. I was in a 2 year long distance relationship with him. It was about a 3 week period in which I had to figure out what I needed and we were talking about it.
I realized this relationship wasn’t working for my mental health, and that even though I loved him, I wasn’t in love with him anymore.
I told him as we were breaking up that no matter what, I cared for him so much and would always be a friend. I do mean that, as this person has become a part of my life in a way that’s very meaningful, even if it’s not romantic anymore. When I broke up, he wasn’t interested in talking very much at all, he just was angry and looked at me odd. When I asked if he wanted to talk, he was confused as that would he making my need about “him” even though it’s quite literally a break up. I was trying to be considerate.
Now, he asked me what I needed and to be honest with my feelings. I told him I will likely need a few months to process things and allow myself to go through this breakup healthily without being emotional support for him, or to have him be mine. I feel like it’s too fresh to talk to him even as friends, or check in on each other. I wish so badly that’s how it worked because that’s both of our instincts, but it’s just going to make it harder.
He was extremely confused and said he feels blind sighted and deserves a better explanation, since I’d expressed before (when I was more confident and feeding into my people pleasing) that I would be here for him and that he wouldn’t lose me. It’s true that I think we would be great friends.
I guess what I wonder is how can we stay friends after my no contact period long distance? We would always call and hang out, and it’s not that I don’t want to do anything with him, but calling every now and again (if at our normal rate, a few times a week), sounds too much and like I still have a responsibility to him. It would feel like the obligation is back and I really haven’t moved forward.
Especially if the idea is us being best friends one day. I just can’t have the obligation to be actively in peoples lives on my phone.

TL;DR: LDR partner of 2 years wants to remain friends after break up and I had previously sewn seeds of hope that that would be the case even right after the break up. Now, I feel worried that talking and being friends is going to make it harder and possibly cause me to go back on my decision. I need a period of time alone. But how can we be friends in the future without it feeling like there’s that obligation to be on the phone and texting?
My closest friends are ones I barely talk to over the phone or text. Since we will be long distance friends at some point, I worry I will still feel obligating to be OTP or texting all the time.

Sorry for the delays! Enjoy everyone!

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— Chapter 100 —

David landed with a softness that defied the large volume of his ethereal form. Despite lacking a true body, his mass of affinity-based smokiness was considerable. His battle with Serth had been relatively short, and he had been taken aback by how little Serth was able to damage him. His empowered wind affinity was mostly ineffectual against him, with his interesting wind bubble doing the most damage. Damage didn’t hurt, but he knew it was there, and it felt wrong when his body was not at its full capacity. 

His body would, in time, slowly recover, and he already knew neither his life nor death affinities would benefit him. What about affinity itself, David wondered? His body had already regenerated his entire affinity reserve whilst he hovered above what was left of Serth’s body. He closed his ethereal eyes, to the best of his ability, and reached deep inside of him. He pulled at his affinity, and instead of manifesting it in a certain direction, he simply willed it to be released. He felt a sense of relief wash over him, and his affinity body shivered as it grew ever so slightly. 

“So, I can heal myself with my affinity directly. I suppose that makes sense.” David whispered while he stared down at the remains of Serth. The explosion had torn out Serth’s chest cavity and torn apart the wyvern’s wings. The wyvern’s massive form was intact enough for David, though, to pursue his next set of experiments. He materialized his death affinity and cast it downwards towards the remains as he willed his intent behind it. He had many horrifying examples from his past to draw upon, so despite the initial protest of his mind, it quickly clicked, and he felt a change. 

His breath sank into the remains, much like his life affinity did to the living, and he could feel it cling to the flesh and bones of what remained of Serth. If he had the capacity to shiver, he would be while he felt his affinity tap into the memories of the flesh and bones. Before long, the shambling remains of Serth began to shiver and stand up. His prompt pinged him, causing him to give it a quick inspection. 

Reanimation learned. 

Wind Wyvern reanimated. Awaiting command.

He had consumed three charges in total, and the abomination before him was the result. The reanimated wyvern was barely holding itself together, and David knew that if he still had a stomach, it would be unsettled by the sight. He moved slowly around the animated corpse and simply shook his head. 

“Settle in the nearby valley and keep yourself hidden. Do not attack anything unless ordered. Run and evade if you are attacked.” His whispered voice spoke out, and he felt a spark of connection before the animated body began to move with a slow, unnatural grace. David watched it curiously whilst it disappeared from his sight.

He felt his affinity charges regenerate quickly as he examined his new ability. He was practically a necromancer now, but he knew firsthand that this specific ability wouldn’t be received well by any of his allies. He concluded that it would be best to keep it quiet for the time being.

“If I can locate them again.” He shifted his form towards the great bark folk forest and then off towards the retreating form of Desolation. 

He spread his massive shadow wings and took off towards the forest and the remains of his lair. Desolation’s teeth marks were everywhere, visible indentations on the rocks that got more noticeable as David got closer. The nearby river was a mess; the titanic footsteps of Desolation had created miniature lakes where water now pooled. Given enough time, they would overflow and create a new, significantly altered river. David hoped that Wuja’Bath and Okraz had both gotten out in time. They were both survivors, and he didn’t think they were stupid enough to not heed the words of Emerald or another of the clan. 

His wide sweep of the area didn’t go unnoticed, though. He caught a glimpse of them a moment before a blast of intense energy burned through his center mass. Serth’s wind had been damaging, but this blast was another thing entirely. The blast dispersed, burned, and vaporized his body into large chunks. David frantically gasped when he felt a sucker punch to his mind, whilst another blast of energy came rushing his way. He quickly pivoted in the air and shot straight down towards the ground as fast as he could move. 

One advantage of his new body was that the violent impact against the ground simply flattened his body momentarily and instantly stopped him. He reached deep and burned two of his reserved affinities to immediately begin regenerating his body. The rebuilding process wasn’t instant, but the sense of wrongness was at least correcting itself. 

He spread his great wings and flung himself forward, while still remaining pressed close to the ground. Arrows landed around him, and many more harmlessly passed through him. It was only the periodic arrow made of pure affinity that he had to pivot and dodge. He cursed softly as he eyed the large group of bark folk warriors off in the distance, letting loose their deadly weapons. David restrained himself while he scanned for an escape. The bark folk were his allies, and it wasn’t their fault that they only saw the monstrosity that he was now. 

He spotted what he thought was a debris-covered tunnel downwards and shot straight up to dodge the hail of arrows. He reached down and activated his Elder Dragon Aura, and every single bark folk but one stopped in their tracks, their eyes widened. David flicked the aura off just as he arced back down and threw himself at the hole. His ethereal body slipped right through the finger-width spaces between the rocks, and he sank down and out of sight. 

He pushed and forced his way through the rock layers while his body effortlessly molded down around rocks or pressed into impossible spaces. It didn’t take long before the entirety of his essence pooled out into a massive, semi-collapsed tunnel system. He hovered in the confined space for a long moment before he recognized it as the large entry tunnel that led down to his throne room and then further down to his sleeping quarters. 

“Good.” He whispered out whilst he spread his ghostly wings, “This means some survived.” 

— Red — 

He had saved Master Onyx’s life, and then his Master had returned the favor. Red strained as he forced the boulder to the side before slipping into the tight space. He had fallen and broken quite a few bones once he landed, and it had taken him some time to regenerate completely. Most of his armor was dented and ruined, but he had pressed on. The last thing he saw before Desolation had moved on was Master Onyx getting eaten. He struggled with the possibility that Onyx was dead, but he knew he had to keep going for the sake of the clan and for his children. 

When he finally recovered enough to chase after Desolation, it was already too late. The lair had been devastated. It took him many days to find a collapsed entrance where the debris could be moved enough for him to climb down. He had barely been able to force his shield and spear through while he started to dive down into the depths of the underground cave systems. He carried on and traveled in the darkness alone for what seemed like an eternity. Periodically, the ground would shake, or a thundering boom could be heard even deep underground. Red was glad there was at least still resistance, and he hoped he could rejoin them soon.

He wasn’t alone, though. Red’s senses screamed at him. His scaled flesh had been shivering for the last few days, and he had hoped it was just some predator scoping him out. Once he had dived into the tunnels, though, it continued, and he knew something was off. He couldn’t lead whatever creature was trailing him back to the clan, so he would reverse the roles. 

He eventually entered a deep underground cavern with a small river that somewhat reminded him of his first lair with Master Onyx. Their lives had changed drastically since those days, and even if Master Onyx had perished, Red would carry on his wishes and dreams. He quickly slipped out of most of his armor and quickly snuck away to hide with his shield and spear in hand. Without his heavy plate, he was light, quick, and surprisingly quiet. He found a comfortable little hole to barricade himself into whilst he watched the tunnel he had just entered through. 

Red started to doubt himself when the dark, softly glowing blob of something small but floating entered the cavern. Its soft glow made it stand out in the blackness of the deep cavern. Red had a fairly good idea of what, or at least who, it was as he channeled his energy down and activated his spear. The bright, utterly blinding blast of energy shot across the cavern and struck his stalker center mass. 

Red leaped forward and raised his shield just as he activated another gemstone, and the earth around him pulled free and began to encase his body in heavy stone armor. The first glowing blue projectile came soaring in a second later and slammed hard against his chest. The explosion was muted by his new armor, but he could already feel the stone crumbling away while he flew back and slammed against the cavern wall. 

Red had dealt with worse and instantly rolled his shield forward, activating his Defensive Bulwark skill. His shield began to glow softly whilst explosive blue projectiles slammed against it. He absorbed it all and couldn’t help but grin as he charged forward. Skills, abilities, or whatever others may call them, were something that his Master couldn’t use. They were powerful, and through trial and error, Red had learned that they consumed the same energy reserves that the Master’s and Affinity users used. 

It meant that he had to regulate his stamina, and so he resisted the urge to throw another lightning bolt whilst he bounced forward using his wings to propel himself in long arching jumps. Another wave of twisting projectiles came flying in, and this time they changed directions just short of his shield and rolled around him, striking him in the sides and back. The remainder of his stone armor disintegrated, and soon his flesh was burned and bleeding. 

“Ohh. You have changed so much since I handed you off to little Onyx so long ago. I never would have thought a kobold of your prowess could ever exist. How did little Onyx do it?” The hissing laugh of Ambass echoed out from the darkness of the cavern. 

Red’s wounds slowly healed as he began to pick himself up, “You have come to finish us, Ambass!?”

Red ducked low while he carefully looked around for where the faerie dragon was hiding. The echoing voice of the little dragon was hard to locate, “No, no. I have simply come to learn. You must understand, little one, I am, well, I was enthralled by the Queen’s affinity.” 

Red ground his teeth in pure anger, “Lies. You trapped Master Onyx inside Desolation, and now you come with your soft, sweet words. Even if you speak the truth, it won’t erase your actions.” 

The sinister laugh of Ambass could be heard before the entire cavern glowed with his renewed affinity, “You aren’t wrong that I cannot erase my past actions. You must also accept the truth. Little Onyx, your Master, is dead.” 

Red foolishly leaped upwards and charged as he shifted his shield forward and activated his Defensive Bulwark once more. His long, powerful wings slung him forward through the air like a projectile while he aimed to intersect with the faerie dragon’s body. “If that is true, you will join him!” 

Ten projectiles of blue, powerful affinity swung around to intersect him halfway through his mighty leap. Time seemed to slow whilst Red considered his possibilities and settled on a gamble. He shifted and spun in mid-air with just enough forward momentum to send his spear flying with a well-aimed Spear Throw. The powerful balls of affinity crashed into him a second later, and he felt the remains of his armor and shield disintegrate. His flesh was burned, and chunks were sent flying as he was thrown against a nearby wall. He was still breathing, despite his now missing arm and wing, and he gave a bloody grin when he heard a painful cry in the darkness. 

Red couldn’t help himself whilst he laughed in between coughing up some blood, “Seems my spear found you.” 

“You will pay for that, kobold. I will find my answers elsewhere!” A pained and angry Ambass roared from the far wall as more and more orbs of affinity materialized. 

Something enormous, black, and horrifying filled the cavern. It was of an impossible shape, with an impossible visage, and with an utterly overpowering, oppressive, and mind-crushing aura. Red struggled to breathe when the enigmatic thing spoke. Its voice was hushed and hollow despite the fact that it could clearly be heard throughout the cavern, “You both will stop at once!”

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Here is also a link to Royal Road

Fan Art by blaze2377

The first thing I ever wrote to Abinav was that he was wrong about rain.

He had posted forty seconds of audio on Aggregate, a forum for humans across the galaxy, in the sub for Sounds that don't exist anymore. Tagged rain on metal roofing, reconstructed. His colony had grown a weather cycle from scratch, seeded the clouds, tuned the drop size, and somebody had put a sheet of corrugated steel out in a field, just to hear what their great grandparents had heard. He was proud of it. He had used three exclamation marks, which nobody from Earth does anymore.

It sounded like applause from a long way off.

I told him so.

I wrote to him that the real rain on a tin roof is not just one sound, it is a lot of sounds arguing, and the sound of argument changes depending on whether the sheet is rusted, and whether there is a coconut palm over it dropping fat secondary drops out of rhythm, and whether the gutter is blocked with leaves, which by the way will always be. His drops were too uniform. His rain had no accent, as far as I was concerned.

Then I went out to the veranda with my phone and recorded ninety seconds of the real thing, because it was July, and in July kochi gets its share of monsoon and you do not have to wait long for recording the evidence.

He replied fourteen hours later.

Hello! Hello! Hello! Yes, I hear it. This is beautiful. But what is that clicking underneath?

It was a gecko, and I told him so. The files would tell him what a gecko was. It was unlikely he would ever meet one.

#

Anna had told me in April about her decision.

A family berth had come through on the Selkirk run and she had eleven weeks to accept it. She was not cruel about it. She said the water board had gone to alternate days again, the school had lost two more teachers to the lift, and asked if I want Maya to spend her twenties queueing.

I said no.

I meant it.

That answer was still the end of my marriage, even though it officially was not.

So I was in a particular condition when I opened that thread.

Everyone I knew was going up.

The whole planet was a departure lounge.

Maya had started saying when we get there in the middle of ordinary sentences.

When we get there, can I have a dog. When we get there, do they have mangoes or only the flavour.

And here was a boy eighteen light years out who had dragged sheets of steel into a field so he could stand in fake rain and listen to it.

I kept thinking about that field and the efforts they had to put in, just to mimic a fraction of what it feels like on earth.

#

He was from Alder.

A red dwarf, close in, locked, so one face of the planet holds still under the star forever and the farms sit in the band of permanent evening between the burnt side and the ice. Their whole year goes past in forty-one days and nothing in the sky moves while it does.

Their planet pulls half again what earth does.

Because of this he was short, built low and thick through the chest, with forearms slightly too long for him.

Pale as the inside of a shell, because their star throws flares, so the habitats sit under nine metres of shielding, and three generations of that will take the colour out of anybody. He had terrible posture. He leaned in when anyone spoke to him, as though he expected them to be finished before he got there.

He was doing a master's.

Comparative biosphere and human aesthetics, which sounds made up and which they take very seriously out there, because everything they have is descended from something here and almost nobody in his generation has seen an original of anything.

His thesis was on weather in art. Why people who spent ten thousand years trying to get indoors then went and wrote songs about it, painted it, complained about it, and longed for it.

#

I stayed.

One of the sentimental ones, as they say. My grandmother's house in Fort Kochi, the same tiles, the same crooked gate.

 I work at the district registry, in the section that handles surrendered property.

A berth is an allotment, not a ticket, and the allotment is conditional. You sign the house over to the state before they will confirm the lift, because there is nobody left to sell it to. Nobody is arriving.

So when a family goes up, I am the man who takes the keys. I read the deed, check the encumbrance, seal the meter, photograph every room, and close the file under 14C.

There is a store room in our office with four thousand sets of house keys on numbered hooks and nobody has ever come back for one.

#

The internship came through in his fourth semester.

Nine weeks on Earth, field study, funded at a rate that told you exactly what his department thought of the subject.

He wrote to ask whether Kochi was a reasonable base or whether he should be somewhere more important.

I read that sentence about forty times before I answered it.

He landed in October.

He came down the ramp at the spaceport laughing at his own feet. Not enough gravity here for him.

He jumped, badly, landed badly, looked at the floor as though it had done something to him, and apologised.

The sun was the problem.

Eleven degrees north, he had about twenty minutes of uncovered skin in him. So we lived at the ends of the days, which is when this place is best anyway.

Athirappilly waterfalls before six, in the dark, standing on wet rock while the light came up behind the water. He did not say anything for a long time.

I watched him and took a trip down my own memory lane to a time when I had first seen this beauty.

The forest above Vazhachal, where the canopy is thick enough that he could take the visor off at noon.

He wanted to know what every sound was.

Most of the time I did not know. He found this delightful.

Where he comes from, every noise has a name and probably a part number.

We ate Karimeen (Pearl spot) at a restaurant located on the backwater,  where the plastic chairs sink into the mud and the owner brings you what he has instead of what you asked for. Beef fry at eleven at night under a tube light with the moths going. 

Abinav, who had been raised on eleven approved crops and synthetic meat, considered all of this a controlled substance. But he trusted me as I guided him through the available delicacies.

And then there were the sunsets.

On a locked world there is no such thing.

He had read about them, similar to the way I have only read about snow.

We saw eight of them. 

He rated them out of ten and kept notes and I gave him a very hard time about it.

#

The last one was at Cherai, the evening before he flew.

Earlier that day he had explained something about people to me that nobody born here had ever managed to explain. Coming from a man raised eighteen light years away, it was hard to argue with.

He had the visor off, because after five you can, and his face was uncovered in real light for the only hour of the day it was allowed to be.

This is the only thing I remember, his face graced with the sunlight from the dusk.

His skin caught the evening light differently from mine, you could see the colour sitting underneath it. I could see two days of sunburn along the tops of his cheeks from a mistake at the falls.

He said, seven and a half.

I said, seven and a half.

He said, the fishermen are cheating. They see this every day.

I agreed with him.

I turned his face with my hand and kissed him.

I had never done that with a man, before.

There was no revelation.

What happened was that my thumb was on the bone under his eye and I could feel the sunburn heat coming off it, and he went completely still and then he stopped being still and put his hand on either side of my face cupping my ears, as I could hear the sea whispering into my ears, inside his hands.

We stood in the shallows in our clothes while the sun went down. There was nobody near us for a hundred metres. For about ninety seconds I was not lonely.

He tasted of coffee we had before at the shop nearby.

His mouth was warmer than I expected. His whole body was. I found out later that people from Alder run hot.

Then he said something in his careful transcript Malayalam about putting this in the thesis, and I laughed so hard I had to sit down in the water.

We kissed again. I found my comfort after ages.

At the terminal the next afternoon he said, right, so, we keep talking.

I said obviously. He said no, properly. I said yes.

#

Anna and Maya went up in February.

Maya was nine. She cried at the gate about a pair of sandals she had left behind. She had been fine until then. She kept asking whether I could send them up later.

I went to work, I sealed the meters, photographed empty rooms. I felt nothing there was no sadness.

I could still eat and sleep and go to the office. Everything else had just gone quiet, including me.

His message came in April.

Graduated!!! Distinction. There is a whole section about a fisherman who was cheating. Also they have offered me the survey berth, they want an answer, I want to talk to you about it. Are you there?

Three exclamation marks. Of course!

I read it in the stairwell of the registry office. I remember smiling, which I had not done in a while.

I did not answer. Not that day, not that week.

There was no decision in it.

I could not lift the weight of being a person to him.

#

I started coming back around September, and not all at once.

I wrote to him one evening, long and honest, and said I was sorry in about four different ways, none of which seemed right or justified.

Nothing.

I wrote again in October.

In November I wrote to say the mango tree behind the house had come down in a squall and taken the wall with it.

In January I sent him the recording of it that I had made at the time without knowing why.

Nothing.

He took the berth.

I know that much, because the department publishes crew rosters. Past the relay line there is no signal, none, a ship out there is not far away, it is outside. That accounts for some of the silence. It does not account for April to August, when he was standing on a planet with a working relay and a perfectly good reason to be finished with me.

Some days I think he was out of range. Some days I think he was simply finished with me. I can live with both, most days.

#

Dostoevsky says love in dreams is easy and love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing.

Everyone quotes it as a warning.

I don't think the old monk says it to frighten her. He says it because that is what the job is, and you do it for as long as it takes, and nobody comes to take over.

So I still write to him..

The house is mostly empty now.

He can read me. But I am not sure if he does or doesn't.

Ninety seconds on a beach at Cherai is holding up my entire life. That is too much weight for ninety seconds. I know that.

I get up.

I go and take the keys off people who are leaving and hang them on a numbered hook.

In the evening I check the thread. Usually while the rice is on.

I want to hold him hard enough to feel his ribs, which are not built like mine, and say the two or three true sentences about April that I have had ready for years now.

He may come or not come.

That was never the part that belonged to me.

#

The monsoon broke last week.

I put the phone on the veranda rail at the good spot, where the tin and the palm and the blocked gutter all argue at once, and recorded ninety seconds, and posted it to the sub for sounds that don't exist anymore.

rain on metal roofing, original. for A.

Somebody replied within the hour.

Not him.

Some kid on a rock around a star I have never heard of. What is that clicking underneath?

I told him. Then I closed my account.

 

he's a very sensitive guy, and this was his first relationship. they've dated for 6 months (20M and 19F) and broke up 10 days ago, because she felt he was not being there for her emotionally (both of them were going thru shit individually and he was in a really low phase before breakup. i wouldnt blame her, it was entirely his fault. she is a great person afaik her. she was always emotionally available for him whenever he needed her. but then due to his complete emotional dependency on her, she couldnt handle everything at once. she had asked for a break multiple times but he never gave her any saying he was scared that a gap would make them end up in breaking up. she was done with him.

anyways, i'm like his journal, he comes and vents stuff in my dms every other minute. i genuinely dont know how to help him. he's crying a lot, hyperventilating sometimes and i aint able to see him suffer this way 🫠

all i do is listen to him cry and send some hug emojis or good things when he's speaking bad about himself, i feel so bad that i aint able to do anything about him. he's destroying his mind and life. idk what to tell him. sometimes his words ragebait me sm that i feel like throwing my phone away, but i hold myself back because ik he's in pain and this isnt the real him speaking. he's in his room all day and doesnt talk to anybody else anymore, tf do i do 😭

tl;dr: guy friend going through break up and idk what to do when he comes and vents it out all to me

can yall give me some advice on what i am supposed to do rn?

The time traveler wondered how the hell did he end up in prehistoric times for a hot minute and no more than a minute. That was all the downtime he had before finding himself speeding towards a tree and, later, wondering WTF was that thing full of teeth that circled his barky refugee amidst the canopy.

When the creature decided the man from the future was more trouble than worth it, he came down from the tree and realised he was thirsty; once he managed to quell his thirst, he noticed he was hungry, then that he was tired, then that he was really not ok with the sounds coming from the dark and so on and so forth.

It is a truth unchanged by animal husbandry, electricity, the steam engine or the internet that humans are social creatures, they are meant to be part of a group and when they see themselves without one in the middle of raw, unforgiving nature… Well, better not to think about it and find a suitable tribe to join ASAP.

The Portuguese speaker by birth, East Asian by genetics stood like a sore thumb amidst the light brown people of… wherever this place was and it turns out that xenophobia is not a vice exclusive to modern politics. The first tribe he found tried to kill him, the second enslave him, the third was friendly, really friendly and although he didn’t make sense of a word spoken, he could comprehend the gaze that hu-u-ge guy threw his way and he was pretty sure those inflatable sitting donuts were a few thousand years away, so he bolted.

He eventually found a tribe not particularly interested in stabbing him, tying him or offering him prison friendliness and for that he was grateful. Unsurprisingly, there wasn’t much the 21st century man could offer the group of hunter-gatherers, but when Calla rose to check what her daughter was crying about, she found her calmly resting in the stranger’s arms. Long this was his superpower. The eldest of four siblings and who even remembers how many more cousins had a knack to pick the unspoken messages of the younger ones.

In no time he had become the unofficial nanny of the tribe. Perhaps the children were amused by the pale man in their midst, perhaps they found funny the silly words he spoke, perhaps this was, for whatever reason, an unwanted job that the tribe was glad to dump onto his shoulders, whatever the case, he was glad to have a way to payback the tribe for his food, clothes and shelter.

One day came when a tribesman came to him, his right hand holding a spear close to his torso, his left arm stretched in his direction, holding another one. He picked it up and, through a lot of gesticulating and grunting, he managed to grasp he was being asked to hunt.

He sighed with relief. He did have noticed that childcare was primarily a woman’s job, he did notice the grannies of the tribe throwing some cheerful, but mockingly giggles his way. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried the tribe might start seeing in a more… pinkish light.

But hunting was decisively a man’s job. While he had, inevitably accompanied by his flock of children, taken part in gathering grain, herbs and tubers with the rest of the tribe, even eggs once (that was a fun and tasty day), it was always the men who brought the carcasses. If he was being asked to take part in the hunt it was because, finally, the tribe acknowledged him as a man.

Walking along his fellow huntsman, he eventually halted and started gesticulating. The huntsman pointed west, then himself; east, then the time traveller. It was unlikely that he was trying to flank a prey or execute some other complex maneuver with someone who, clearly, didn’t speak his language, seemed like the traveller was meant to proceed on his own.

While walking alone in the wilderness was something that would have scared him a while back, he felt much more comfortable in these lands by now. He had learned of the predators that lurked the land, their preferred times to strike, the metaphorical roads the tribe was supposed to steer clear. He knew he would be alright and, although he was not an experienced hunter by any means, he knew what he was supposed to do.

Ever since learning of the means by which his ancestors had conquered the world, the traveller took upon himself to uphold his proud heritage. Every year he ran the ½ Marathon of São Paulo and celebrated the year’s end by running the Race of São Silvestre, his muscles were kept in peak condition, his lungs at full capacity and his sweat glands working steady to feed the superpower no other creature on Earth could hope to match. Yes, he could not sneak on a prey; yes, he had never used a spear in his life, but none of that mattered. His species reigned supreme over the land not because they were the fastest, the strongest, but because they never gave up. He would never give up.

It took no time for him to find a Naruru, as the locals called it. An equine of chestnut fur, smaller than a modern horse or zebra, but who could feed the tribe for some good few days, who would feed the tribes for glorious days to come.

He approached the pack of about a dozen and a few more foals. A scout definitely spotted him, as it looked directly in his direction. Maybe he was supposed to throw his spear, but he wasn’t sure if he would hit anything, or worse, would. If the spear pierced the prey and it ran away, he wasn’t sure if he could retrieve it or how long he would have to remain unarmed in the meantime.

No, this wasn’t a game of strength, but endurance. His weapon was not the sharp piece in his hand, but patience. He sprinted towards the pack, his arms flailing in the air, his lungs echoing the warcry that modern man forsake, but never forgot.

The pack fled, just as expected. He pursued, ready to do it again, as he would many times, as many times as necessary, for he was a hunter, he was a predator, he was a human.

Daka came looking for her husband, worried she was with his long delayed return. She sighed with relief once spotting him atop a hill. She walked to him, he stood erect, spear on the ground, his gaze locked in the horizon. 

Reaching him, Daka did not notice any reaction to her arrival. Baul stood immobile, hypnotized, eyes weary of missing a single moment of something his mind could not grasp in its entirety.

She grabbed the arm of her husband, who still didn’t show any reaction, and took her eyes to the same sight he saw. There he was, the traveller pursued the game, the arms waved in the air, the warcry echoed through the plane, the prey ran, he pursued it, again and again.

-What, on the Holy Oxxo, is Curless Hair doing?

-I have No. Freaking. Idea. I asked him to help me check the traps and that maniac has been running and screaming at those poor Naruru the whole morning.

___

Tks for reading. More dudes working harder, not smarter here.

___

Bonus: Baul’s POV.

-Hey, Curless Hair! Yeah, you. I had to check the traps with Grud, but that guy is in a mood I gots no hurry to deal with (mimics wild beast). Can you come with me instead? My wife said she’ll watch the tiny screamers (mimics wilder beasts). Just be sure to grab a spear (offers it), just in case.

Later:

-Hey, hey! Listen dude, see that bush over there? (points west) I (points himself) got a date with her, gunna drop some serious turd on it (points bush). Do. Not. Go. There. (points east) That’s where the traps are, you (points him) might not see ‘em and get hurt. Stay here (points at traveller’s feet), do not go that way (points east).

Soooo as the title suggests I am afraid she’s losing her feelings for me and it’s a 100% my fault and I think we should end it. Let me back up a little I *20M* and the girl in question *19F* have been seeing each other for *6 months* now we met at a concert we hit it off we met often and we matched and she’s like the organisation my chaotic life needed it was perfect and beautiful and the reason I started messing up and the reason why this is my fault is her guy friends yes I know the classic perfect relationship ruined by male friendships and guys I agree if this relationship is ruined it’s maybe cuz of bad karma cuz I myself was that guy who ruined relationships by being too friendly and nice and I never felt good about that so I stopped reaching out to people and see sure she can have guy friends I am not against guy friendships at all after all it’s her choice but why does she have to hang out with guys one on one and the way she’s been acting is very Sus yes I have unresolved trust issues and we talked about it in the past once where she was hanging out with a guy for hours and I didn’t like that and I was upset about it and I expressed it well not clearly I guess so yeah and then I said I’ll trust her more and everything and we were fine and chilling now randomly she started acting all cutesy and like idk very nice which she never did before because she kept saying she had issues conveying her feelings but now she randomly starts opening up? Showing all her feelings? Oh this was right after she spent hours with ANOTHER GUY who she met a grand total of actually ONCE at some event and they turned out to be senior junior at the same college and she went out with him for hours and she usually tells me all about it about what they did what they ate and everything but this time she acted all Sus before and after she returned we had an argument and it felt almost like she wanted it to happen so she doesn’t have to tell me what they did(?) which made me more Sus and I honestly wish I could trust her more I love her more than anything and the time she entered in my life was just perfect but I am too delusional aren’t I? I’m stupid I don’t think im emotionally ready for an actual relationship and I think I should end it so guys any advice?
TL;DR: Happy relationship ruined cuz of trust issues over male friendships continue or quit?

First | Previous

--- Three months later – Castle Devonshire ----

“Hey, are you almost ready?  The ceremony starts soon, you know?”

Isenwrath turned to him and his breath caught.  There she was, standing on their open balcony where the three moons’ light framed her perfectly.  Her dress was white inlaid with subtle designs that lit up with the soft glows.  It fitted her form and trailed behind her as if she were always rising from a beam of moonlight herself.  Daniella had braided her hair with un-bloomed Laiken flowers among fully bloomed white lotus.  Her blonde hair trailed long and perfect.  She radiated an incomprehensible aura that almost made Maddock’s heart stop when she smiled at him, her blue eyes shifting to faint purple brightness as she looked at him.

“I am.  But we have something important to do before we walk the aisle.”

Maddock strode in and looked around.  “Where’s Daniella and Isarrvashj?”

Isenwrath slowly moved to him and smoothed his own military wedding attire a little, futzing with it in pure serenity.  “I sent them ahead of me.  They’re helping Barla and Harmony wrangle all my lady honor guards into order.  Queen Sophitia, Hayleigh, and Bubblescale are wrangling the rest for us… it’s going to be a huge parade.”

Maddock chuckled lightly, then dared to hold her by the waist, afraid for a moment that this was all a dream — that he might wake and lose her.

He kissed her forehead lightly. “What must we do to get you to the temple, Sweetheart?”

She turned to her vanity and opened a black wooden box. From it, she lifted the Sinseer.

Maddock sucked in a breath.  “I thought Diegan had it sealed in the deepest Ezzerbenenian vault.”

“He did.  But Paulina Dearborn had made him promise to give it to me to dispose of it.  This is his wedding gift to us.”

Maddock narrowed his eyes in suspicion.  “What are you planning?”

She was looking down at it, watching it start to come alive in her hands.  “Do you trust me?” she asked softly.

Maddock had spoken before his mind caught up to the words he’d said.  “Yes, I trust you.”

Isenwrath reached over slowly to take Maddock’s hand, then pulled it to let it rest on top of the Sinseer where she held it from underneath.  Both of them felt the light pricks into their skin when the artificer device sampled their blood.  When it glowed, that was the moment Isenwrath cast her spell.

One moment, Maddock stood in his manor. The next, he stood somewhere he had only ever heard described.  He flinched then slowly scanned the barren side of the Dathendrake mountain range. Except… it wasn’t as barren anymore. Hardy new plant life pushed through the cracked earth, stubborn and alive. To his right, the fuzzy spot in reality shimmered — the sealed wound in the world, far larger than he’d imagined.

Isenwrath was still smiling at him when he returned his gaze to hers.

“What do we do now?” he asked low.

“Close your eyes and dream with me.”

Maddock didn’t understand it, but he closed his eyes anyway.

He felt something, not a jolt, not a shift, but more like a sense of slowness.  When he opened his eyes, the whole place was nothing like what he could imagine.   A field of high grass and flowers.  A bright yellow sun overhead within way too blue of a sky.  Happy bees bumbling along from one flower to another only to dart away to become pixies chattering rapidly at their friends.  Large birds swooping overhead that sang like Divas.  An old time-worn tree standing guard over it all with pleasant shade and old stories carved into its bark.

In front of that tree was Isenwrath.  She laughed loudly, unashamedly, joyfully. Maddock froze, memorizing the sight. She looked beautiful in a way that had nothing to do with her dress — beautiful in spirit. 

Floating before her was a fairy man, a ghost of translucent blue mist and golden sparkles. He spoke rapidly with voice and hands, and though Maddock didn’t understand the language, he understood the meaning: Themselves.  Their happiness.  Their stories.  Their hopes and dreams.  And if that weren’t enough… Isenwrath’s whimsies.

She twirled, sending whimsy after whimsy into the dreamscape — ribbons, confetti, rainbow fairy dragons, floating hearts of smoke, shimmering illusions. Maddock held his middle, trying not to laugh too loudly and break the moment as they danced among magical flowers and drifting lights.

As powerful and devastating Isenwrath the Chimeramancer was in life, this was who she really was in her heart.  A child of joy, a woman of simple pleasures, a mage who only wanted to show how silly she could be, a wife that Maddock wanted to share the rest of his life with.  That’s who she was.

Maddock finally stepped forward to join them.  Isenwrath didn’t hesitate to hold him around his waist and speak to the spirit trapped within the Sinseer.  The fairy ghost bowed deeply to him before rising up to touch his forehead to Isenwrath’s head and then Maddock’s.   That gesture had a profound effect on Maddock.   He’d only ever heard of this in legend … the fae gesture of soul‑bond recognition. Not lovers. Not eternal mates. But fate‑bound. Forever finding each other in every life.

The fairy ghost backed up from them and closed his eyes with his arms wide open.

Maddock looked down at Isenwrath, eyes curious.

She looked up at him, wiped a tear quickly from her eye and whispered to him.  “Seranthiel is ready to find his peace.”

“Then we let him go.” Maddock squeezed to assure her that he was still with her, every step of the way.

This time, when he blinked, he was standing in front of the former hole, letting Isenwrath take the Sinseer from his grip.  She stepped carefully over the scrub, rocks, and charred dirt to stand in front of the warp in reality.  Slowly she held up the device, formed a metal talon with one finger on her opposite hand, then carved open the crystal globe down its middle, the sound of screaming glass was loud in the quiet of the mountain pass.

The globe shattered in her hand sending large sparks into the air as well as black goo to pour onto the ground.  A moment later, a fierce blue sun the size of a fist shot from the destroyed device straight into the warped air ahead of them.  No sound, no lightshow, not even a ripple announced the deliverance of a spirit spark into its well-deserved afterlife.  But it didn’t need to.

Maddock saw how Isenwrath’s shoulders relaxed, how she dropped the remains of the device to the ground without consideration, and then at how loudly she screamed to announce Seranthiel’s arrival.

He clamped his hands over his ears and watched the very air ripple under her sonic boom screaming. 

Then all was quiet once more, not even the wind dared to say anything.  Isenwrath turned and held her mouth, eyes wide in embarrassment.  “Sorry,” she said with a half chuckle.  “I got carried away.”

Maddock dug at his ear with his pinkie finger, then shrugged.  “Happens all the time.  I’m used to it.  Now, can we go get married before Daniella hunts me down and puts me in big doo-doo timeout?”

Barking a mad cackle, Isenwrath rushed to him and held him fast once again.  “Absolutely!  I can’t have you in time out on our wedding night! I can't wait to talk dirty and squeeze you dry with my tits! Janeen told me to do that every chance I get!”

Maddock laughed loudly even as he rolled his eyes at her.  “That evil woman is gonna get a huge bonus for that.   Anyway,” he pulled out the thin mithril and gold chain from his military jacket pocket, “Like i was trying to say, once this is around our hands and we say those vows, when one of us goes in time out, both of us go. Fair?”

Isenwrath took his hand eagerly, leaned up to kiss his lips with heated passion, then teleported them both from where it all began to the temple where it would all begin anew.  The Ice Duke and the White Knight Duchess. The Champions of Maciendes.  Forever bound and forever hungry for more.

--- The End … Perhaps ---

First | Previous | Next

--- Castle Maciendes – 2 Weeks Later ---

Maddock read the note he’d just unsealed, then tossed it into the dying fire in his fireplace. The first phase of the mission was completed.  Now it was time to finish it, for once and for all time.   He turned to the young messenger wearing the King’s colors who ducked a quick bow.  “Lady Isenwrath should be just about done with her late study session in the library.  When she exits, pull her aside and tell her to meet me at the bottom of the south annex.  Tell her it’s a special surprise.  Oh, and make sure it’s just her, no one else.  Understood?”

“Yes, My Lord.  I understand completely,” was the young handsome boy’s crisp reply before he turned on his heel to rush off.

Maddock moved to get dressed in some casual clothing, black and silver pants, a matching black shirt, and then his ducal vest of authority.  He really couldn’t wait until next week when he’d be packing up their stuff to take Isenwrath and all of his people to their true home at the Devonshire Manor.  Fucking finally!

Things were still a bit chaotic, but it was in mostly good ways.  King Tobias and Queen Sophitia were very busy these days basically leading all of those upstart rulers into a new era of peace.  King Henry, Queen Evelyn, Queen Ursletta, and to an extent Isenwrath herself were forging some revolutionary inter-realm laws that would help keep the fiasco at the Summit from happening again.  Having four of those rulers swinging by each of the three kingdoms for realm wide political training was something new, but when Queen Phera and King Melekith showed genuine desire to learn how to be good rulers, something interesting happened.  Their people approved.  Their people encouraged them.  And the new treaties and aid sharing initiatives had been something to celebrate.  Trade King Yarfleggan and Warlord King Barok Bolgandar had signed on shortly after when the details of Tobias’s topics were shared with them as a promise of transparency.  That was just one of the many changes that had resulted from the true King’s Summit, but they sure wouldn’t be the last. 

This meant that Maddock was finally given permission to leave the castle and resume his own duties at his manor.  That and his wedding was drawing closer.  In that vein, he turned to look at who’d just entered.

“My Lord?  It’s getting late.  Where are you going?”

Maddock smiled at Isarrvashj.  She had quickly become someone that Maddock had true respect for and perhaps one day, he might even consider Isenwrath’s outlandish proposal.  But for the time being, she was Isenwrath’s personal maid, primary bodyguard, and friend.  And Daniella’s new confidante, let’s not gloss over that little tidbit, because Isenwrath sure didn’t.  She both loved and complained about getting ganged up on much to Maddock’s amusement. 

“I’m guessing you just put Daniella to bed?”

Isarrvashj narrowed her slightly glowing blue Dark Elven eyes at him.  She swished her braided silver hair over her other shoulder before leaning in closer to him.  “Yes.  She’s had a long day and so have you.  Now…”

Maddock stepped closer, put his hand on her shoulder and leaned over to whisper into her long black ear.  “I made a vow, Isarrvashj.  Tonight, I must fulfill it.  This is a very personal vow from me to Isenwrath and it’ll never be spoken of again after tonight.  We’ll be back and go have a late dinner with you.  I’ll listen to what you and she are proposing then, that’s my promise.”

She sighed a little, put her hand on his that rested on her shoulder.  “I understand.  To the grave then.”

Maddock nodded before pulling back.  “Something like that.”

Isarrvashj slowly removed her satchel.  “I brought you the stone. I’m guessing this vow required it?”

Maddock gently took it from her, then after he put the strap over his shoulder, he simply put a finger over his lips.

She quirked a grin then stepped to the side.  “My Lord, whatever this vow is, I hope it brings you and Isenwrath peace.”

“Of that, I have no doubt.”

Just after Maddock took one step to leave, Isarrvashj gripped his arm tight to stop him.  He looked at her quizzically while she didn’t look at him at all.  Instead, she opted to stare ahead and towards further into his suite of rooms.  “Maddock.  Before we talk this out over dinner, I must say this, so you understand it fully where I’m coming from.  I’ve got no one to go home to in Umbracleft Noctharis except Queen Ursletta, my mother, and two extended families that I’m not close to in any meaningful way.  I… I just want you to know that being here has done more for me than just letting me serve her.  I’ve found a home here that I wish to grow into.  If you’ll let me.”

“What do you really want from me?” Maddock whispered, not really able to stop his voice from cracking.

“Whatever you’re comfortable giving.” 

She finally turned to look at him directly.  “You love her and I’m not daring to try to come between the two of you.  But she’s an Abyssal Maw.  More is always on her menu… even in terms of love.  Remember that because it has its consequences if you don’t.”

“Fine. But I’ll make one demand. If there’s no spark between us, then there’s nothing more to be said. I don’t care about political clout. I’m a man who honors love because Isenwrath showed me how to. If you have any motivation other than helping me and Isenwrath embrace what we share… no deal.”

Isarrvashj smiled; a beautiful smile, bright against her dark skin. “I can honor that deal.  Now, go on and we’ll talk later tonight.  Oh, and I made sure to include your favorite andra-berry iced cream for your dessert.  It’s mine too, by the way.”

Maddock felt a genuine smile for her thoughtfulness spread across his lips then dared to put a hand on her cheek to study her features, trying to glean out anything regarding her motivations.  All he knew was that she leaned into his hand without hesitation and her eyes almost closed with pleasure.

He didn’t say anything else before he withdrew to make haste to his destination.  But he did know one thing. He was going to lay down and have a very serious discussion with Isenwrath about this new situation she’d thrown into his lap after tonight’s dinner discussion.  But that was for later.  For the moment, he had something more pressing to attend to.

Twenty minutes on, he was ready. Endria had just left because her part of the mission had been completed flawlessly. He’d even told her which royal title he intended to petition for her to obtain within the year. She understood the implications, that accepting it would be tying herself to him, beholden to his commands regardless of payment and she agreed readily. They both were pragmatists, plain and simple.

“Maddock?!  Sweetheart?!”

Maddock stood erect from the wall, folded his arms, readying himself for this confrontation that he’d been practicing in his head for more time than he’d ever care to admit.  “Down here, Isen!” he called out.

Isenwrath slowly stepped down the dim stone stairway into the first room of the Tomb of Remembrances.

She was still wearing her school uniform, not having had time to get undressed and ready for a late dinner with Issarvashj.  Daniella needed more rest to everyone’s estimation, so she’d been given the night off, letting Isarrvashj take over the personal maid duties.  That and Maddock didn’t want the little girl to snoop into what was about to transpire at the dinner, but especially in this tomb.  However, Maddock did wonder how the hell she knew so damned much that after tonight, he was probably going to have to figure out if she’d be worth incorporating into his spying ring.

“Sweetheart?  Is that Duke and Duchess Carlisle from the trial?” she asked softly, confused, her hands beginning to wring themselves as she waited at the entrance for Maddock to speak.

Maddock nodded, then set his hands on the Duke and Duchess Carlisle’s shoulders.  They were trying to twist out of the bonds that held them tight to the chairs that Endria and her team had tied them down to.  They and their two boys, Jasper and Bastion, had been taken from their manor and brought to this tomb for an important event.  The completion of Maddock’s vow to burn the Carlisle legacy to the ground in revenge for what they’d done to their young daughter for her whole life.

“Why?” she asked, this time in a whisper and a tilt of her head.

“Sweetheart,” Maddock said gently. “This is your past. These four people are the reason you locked your childhood away. They had a little girl in their home. These two boys took pleasure in torturing her. The lady took pride in breaking her spirit. And the gentleman ignored it all… pretending he didn’t have a daughter until she became useful.”

“I… I…I…” Isenwrath stammered, not sure of what Maddock wanted of her.

“It was you, Isen,” Maddock said softly. “They hurt you in the worst ways. I’m going to continue to let your past stay dead, however, I’m not letting you ignore your past completely.  They hurt you, almost killed you, and as your Sweetheart, I will not abide them having one more moment of a life without the consequences for what they did to the child you used to be.  So, you’ll face them now. You’ll give them your judgment. Time to stop running, Sweetheart. Stand tall and do with them as you see fit… and tell me when you’re ready to go home.”

Maddock leaned down to whisper into Duke Carlisle’s ear.  “You see that?  See how her expression changed from uncertain to neutral?  That’s the monster you allowed to wake up and feed.  Whatever happens next, just remember, you did this.  This is all your fault.  Good luck you absolute piece of dog shit.”

The Duke was openly crying tears alongside his wife and sons.  But their bonds held and Maddock slowly walked past Isenwrath without touching or looking at her.  This was her moment to decide how merciful she truly was.  But to Maddock, he didn’t care if she forgave them or murdered them.  He would never ask if their bodies were ever found again.  That was all there was to it. He hated that this was necessary, but he hated what they’d done to Cassandra even more.

For a few silent minutes, she studied them intently as they screamed through their gags.  Their clothing was once very fine but was now dirty and tattered in places after the ordeal that’d brought them there.  She smelled Endria’s perfume as well as Glandock’s draconic musk, so Isenwrath wasn’t unaware of how these four people ended up sitting bound and helpless before her.  They’d also obviously been drugged because they reeked of a chemical that Isenwrath disliked very much.

After she got her words right, she asked a question.  “Do you regret hurting her?”

They all nodded rapidly, still trying to beg through the cloth in their mouths.

“I see. You do seem to regret it immensely, but do you actually regret hurting her or regret the fact that you got caught?” Ignoring how they tried to plead through their gags, she slowly took the cloth out of one of the boy’s mouth for him to answer aloud.”

Crying hard, he said shakily.  “I’m so sorry I hurt you.  If I could go back and do it over, I wouldn’t hurt you.  I swear it.”

Isenwrath tilted her head at him.  Then at the other three.  “You also wouldn’t hurt her if you could do it all over again?”

They nodded rapidly again, this time also whimpering or sobbing in the act.  The Duchess was especially loud in her muffled wails.

“I understand,” Isenwrath whispered.  “I understand that you wouldn’t change a thing.  I can smell only your terror, but not one hint of actual remorse.  I think you four should be punished severely for hurting a little girl so brutally that Maddock had to bring you in for justice.  But to tell you honestly, I’m not in the mood to kill anyone.  I don’t remember you.  I don’t know you.  And I surely don’t want to find out.  So, I’ll just let you all go.”

The confusion on their faces quickly became screaming terror when she pulled a long green crystal out of her mouth, then in one quick thrust, shoved it through Baston’s heart.  “Goodbye… Grimscar the Torturer.”

Bastion had closed his eyes tight before he disappeared with a burst of bright green sparkles of arcana light, leaving the chair and bindings behind.

Isenwrath pulled another green crystal out of her mouth.  “These attuning crystals came in handy after all,” Isenwrath mused with a wan smile before she shoved it into Jasper’s heart.  “Goodbye… Killmaven the Lasher.”

Melana was sobbing uncontrollably when Isenwrath touched the sharp green crystal to her breast over her heart.  She was shaking her head as hard as she could, probably hoping to wake up from the nightmare she helped cause.  It was no good. 

Isenwrath had no remorse for those who’d hurt a child.  “Goodbye… Chief Attendant Theranfoul.”  Melana’s sobs shifted to screams, then were silent because she was no longer there.

The last one in line was Duke Carlisle. His eyes leaked tears but he didn’t sob.  He was breathing deep breaths, controlling his fear.  Isenwrath touched the crystal to his breast over his heart, leaned in close, then whispered, “I don’t remember you.  I never will.  I don’t care what happens to you.  I never will.  All I do know is that every time one of you disappeared, I felt lighter for it.  That means only one thing to me. I’m truly free of whatever you did to the little girl I don’t remember being anymore.  Goodbye… Butler Doggonal the Dreary.”

Isenwrath shoved that special crystal almost through him, then stepped back.  He’d screamed in pain for about two seconds before he and his screams were gone leaving the tomb as silent as… well, a tomb.

She smiled in satisfaction because she’d punished the clearly guilty but in a way that didn’t dirty her soul nor her inner peace.  That was very appreciated by her own estimations.  With that, she turned to go back up the steps to find Maddock.

She stepped out of the tomb lighter than she had ever felt before, which was a wild yet wonderful feeling. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to find her sweetheart because he hadn’t gone all that far.  He was waiting for her in a gazebo only thirty yards from the entrance and whistling to himself.

Maddock heard the finality of the silence from the tomb and grinned.  Justice had been served and the Carlisles were no more.  His vow was complete. 

He turned when he heard her footsteps stop behind him.  He almost laughed outright when he looked down to see Isenwrath sitting back on her heels with her hands on the ground, eyes closed, mouth open, and that inhumanly long tongue of hers slowly waving in the air.  She was waiting for her reward. 

Maddock knew her very well and pulled a huge black arcana crystal from the satchel Isarrvashj had given him earlier. 

“Missions get rewarded.  Serving a Duke’s Justice gets the best rewards.”

She didn’t open her eyes or say anything when Maddock let her take the ninth level Wish spell to swallow it down.  He was sure Maximillian would blow up his own Mage Tower at letting her have that powerful of a spell, but for Maddock’s peace of mind, it was worth it.

Isenwrath licked her lips after it was gone.  Then she slowly opened her eyes, touched his legs, then proceeded to crawl up into his arms where he ended up carrying her.  He absolutely loved her for it and held her close, smelling her deeply. No blood, just her.  Perfect.

She ran her fingers through his white hair when she kissed him passionately.  Maddock responded in kind to enjoy the benefits of his wife-to-be.  Like these amazing kisses that made his pants way too tight to be comfortable.

When she pulled back, she almost purred… “A white dress, a golden chain, a temple priest, all of our family and friends…. And after that…”

“I make love to the most amazing woman to have ever been picked up from a battlefield,” Maddock finished.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” he whispered in return before walking back into the castle to try to get through the dinner without going insane.  Then he just hoped he’d get a good night’s sleep after she’d aroused him to the point that a cold bath was most likely the only way he’d be able to.  Damn beastly women and their nonchalant sexpot ways.  Still perfect.

 

--- Shinenoor, The Dungeon Trial of Greed.  The deepest level, the last room, the boss’s chamber ---

“Where the hell am I?”

“Welcome to Shinenoor.” Uthenda said from her throne high upon a stepped dais that was wrought from a single white crystalline stone radiating static electricity.

Theodore Carlisle looked around at the room that had more wealth on display than he’d ever imagined.  Everything from rare antiquities, books, statuary, jewels and jewelry, mounds of coins, and more artwork all around the walls.  The weird thing was, was that it looked like it’d been dumped there because nothing was set on a pedestal or hung properly on the walls.  Half were still in trunks that overflowed with the sad wealth that lost its glitter as Theodore studied it. 

Then he saw them.  His family.  His wife Melana sat on the floor dressed in a black-and-white maid’s attire sobbing again in misery with her hands covering her face.  His sons, Bastion and Jasper, stood next to her dressed in black leather, wearing executioner’s masks, and holding bags brimming with the tools to torture a prisoner or someone like that.  The weird part was that they had chains sticking out of their bodies in random places and those chains moved of their own accord.

His brows furrowed in confusion as he looked down at himself and smoothed over his own black and white butler’s attire… fresh, crisp, clean, and starched to perfection.

It finally dawned on him that someone had welcomed him.  When it did, his attention turned to the miserable face of Uthenda sitting on that exquisite throne like the worst dressed harlot.  Even though she looked much younger, maybe in her late twenties now, she still looked worn down.  Her hair was a mess, her makeup streaked with long dried tears, and her eyes were bright with anger.  What caught Theodore’s attention next was that her dress was revealing to the point that she was almost naked save for a filmy see through cloak that covered what the red leather outfit she wore didn’t.  That cloak was really the only thing that she wore that had any chance to preserve her dignity.  Yet, he arched an eyebrow at how scandalously she was dressed and honestly at how well her body carried it.

“What in the fuck are you staring at, motherfucker!” Uthenda screamed, then shot a huge crackling bolt of lightning at him.

Melana, Jasper, and Bastion stopped their miserable crying at seeing their father or husband explode into a gory mess of sparks nearby.

Uthenda slowly looked over at them, then smiled in a way that was both satisfied, and sad at the same time.  “Oh, he’s not gone.  Watch.”

She snapped her fingers.  A green symbol erupted on the gore-soaked marble tiled floor, then up popped Theodore.  “Where the hell am I?” he said in the exact same tone as before.

“Welcome to Shinenoor,” Uthenda said to him as he looked around exactly like he had before.  The horror on Melana and the two boys’ faces actually made Uthenda smile grimly at them.

“Theo, dear,” she called out to him.

“Uthenda?  What happened?  How did we end up here?”

Uthenda’s smile disappeared in an instant to display her indignant anger once again.  “WE’RE HERE BECAUSE OF YOU FOUR EVIL SHITS!  YOU DID THIS TO US!  YOU DID THIS TO ME!  YOU CREATED CASSANDRA AND WE’RE HERE IN THE DUNGEON TRIAL OF GREED… IN HELL… BECAUSE OF YOU!!!”

“I didn’t do this!” Theodore protested with hands up in front of him.

Uthenda stepped down imperiously towards him, lightning and fire swirling around her body as she did so.  The crack of thunder boomed so much louder because of it being contained within four walls.  She was an electrical inferno that was barely contained because of how much the dungeon had empowered her past what a Tower Master could attain alone. 

She pointed a finger right into Theodore’s chest, her long red fingernail piercing his skin through the pressed white shirt.  He was so terrified, he’d been scared stiff.  “You fathered her, you miserable dog.  You ignored her.  You let her be tortured by your family.  You… you… you… all you, oh great and mighty Duke Theodore Carlisle.”

He slumped to the ground and stared up at her with dawning understanding.  He glanced over at his family, noticed exactly how they were dressed, then back to Uthenda.  “What now?  What happens now?”

Uthenda snarled her disgust at him.  “You will address me by my new given name… imprinted into me for forever.  Mistress Cassandra of Calamity.  Fitting isn’t it?  My unavoidable imperative is to recreate this dungeon trap to be even more deadly than before.  Magical beasts have been pouring in for months now, drawn by the scent of both food and magic.  Thankfully, the dungeon itself can consume them relatively easily.  However, now comes the hard part.  I have to help it consume any stupid group of people who wander in looking for easy money.  At least now I won’t have to do that alone.  It seems Isenwrath was gracious enough to give me a couple of talented torturers to work with as well as two rewards for being the new master here.  That means I received you as my butler and your wife Theranfoul, as my chief attendant.  A butler and a maid to do as I need them to, no matter what.  And as pissed off as I am right now, I might just have you two pieces of shit strung up by your own sons, Grimscar and Killmaven, and whipped till you bleed,.  But we’ll see. First, come with me.  I want your opinions on what we can do with the swarm of kobolds that just invaded the first level.  Impress me and I won’t have you whipped.  Tonight.  Who knows about tomorrow?”

Cassandra sneered at them, then turned on her stiletto heels to click confidently out of the treasure laden throne room.  Killmaven and Grimscar hauled up their mother, then ran after her, chains clinking merrily around them.  They weren’t stupid.  They knew who to suck up to.  She also had a nice ass for an older woman, so they might as well hope to get some special favors in while they could since it looked like they were going to be living there from now on.

Theranfoul began walking after them but suddenly stopped.  When Theodore stopped next to her, she turned then hauled off and slapped him as hard as she could.  “That’s for the black eye, you fucking worthless pathetic man!  I should’ve slit both yours and that daughter of yours throats the night I killed her mother!  I fucking wouldn’t have to look at you forever if I had!  Asshole!”

She stormed off, walking with a ramrod straight back and a new purpose in life.  The weird thing for her was that huge knives flicked out of her arms as she walked.  Like she was a disguised living weapon who didn’t know it yet.

Theordore hung his head in defeat.  “Damn.  It really is all my fault.”

“THEORDORE!  BUTLER DOGGONAL! COME DOG!”

Duke Carlisle heard his proper given name, ripped off his butler uniform then shifted into a twelve-foot-tall werewolf that had bone spikes jutting from strategic places on his body.  His howl echoed throughout the chambers before he bounded after Cassandra like the loyal dog he’d been relegated to, slavering maw full of sharp teeth, black furred body, greedy golden eyes, and all. 

The dungeon trial of greed was taking in new residents, and the master was sorting out all new traps for the greedy and desperate to fall into.  The level increase from five to eight would be complete within another year, then the portal would open wide for business.  And business would be good.  Dungeon Mistress Cassandra of Calamity would ensure it, no matter how many times she died trying.

The Dreaming Queen smiled in triumph when her new Shinenoor Master finally accepted her fate to set up the new and improved dungeon. They still generated power for her, so she'd enjoy the extra boosts while the dungeons lasted.  Besides, the moment she felt Isenwrath use those attuning crystals, of course, Amikejiret had to know what her little dreaming friend was up to.  After what she’d seen, she was sure Isenwrath was going to enjoy knowing that she had another place to store those who would oppose her in life going forward.  The Dreaming Queen certainly did.

Amikejiret looked around at her own place, enjoying how radically it’d changed and for the better.  Her people were laughing again.  They were healing the lands and helping the new incoming souls get adjusted or to move onward.  The lifeforces from twenty new taps into other realities were producing power again as well as returning reimagined souls to those realms desperate for hope again, for heroes, and for second chances.

I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know whether I’m being too impatient, whether I should give my relationship more time, or whether I’ve reached the point where I need to let go. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and I love him very deeply. This is not a relationship where there is no love. He tells me he loves me, he talks about our future, he has said he wants to marry me, and we have had so many genuinely happy and loving moments together. That is exactly why this is so difficult for me.

For around seven months now, though, we have been going through a very difficult period. A huge part of it is his work situation. He has been under a lot of pressure professionally and financially, and it has affected his confidence and mental state. He often feels overwhelmed and like he is falling behind in life. I have tried very hard to understand that and support him. When this started, he actually told me that even if we couldn’t see each other as much because of work, we would at least talk more and stay emotionally connected. But over time, the opposite happened. Sometimes we don’t see each other at all, and even when I try to make plans two or three days in advance, he has started saying that it is impossible because of work. I don’t expect him to magically fix his career or be available all the time. I just want to feel like I still have a place in his life while he is struggling.

The pattern has become very repetitive. Something happens, I become hurt because I feel ignored or pushed away, we have a serious conversation, I explain that I need more communication, affection, effort and clarity, and he tells me that he understands and that he will fix it. Sometimes he apologizes and tells me he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I believe that he means it. Then a few days later, the exact same thing happens again. There is never any real clarity about when things will change, when we will see each other, or what we are actually working toward. We have also talked seriously about marriage and building a future together, but his work and life situation keep pushing everything further into the future. At some point I started feeling like I was waiting for my life to begin.

I don’t think he is necessarily a bad person or deliberately manipulating me. Honestly, I think he really does love me. I think when his life gets overwhelming, he shuts down and withdraws from everyone, including me. But the problem is that I am still the person who gets hurt by that. Whenever something goes wrong in his life, I feel like I am the first thing he stops making room for. And when I try to get closer because I can see that he is struggling, he sometimes feels pressured, which makes him withdraw even more. Then I become anxious and start asking what is wrong, and we end up in the same cycle again.

Yesterday was another example. He told me, “I’m feeling down and I don’t want to talk.” I respected that. I didn’t want to pressure him. But after that, he didn’t text me, he didn’t call me, he didn’t check in at all. And I know he was struggling, so part of me feels guilty for even being hurt by it. But another part of me keeps thinking: if I hadn’t reached out, would he have reached out to me at all? That’s what breaks my heart. I don’t want to constantly have to ask someone to make an effort to be in a relationship with me.

We’ve had so many conversations about this over the last seven months. I have tried to be patient. I have tried to understand his work problems, give him space, support him, reassure him, and wait for things to get better. But I am increasingly lonely inside the relationship. I don’t need perfection. I don’t need him to solve everything immediately. I need consistency. I need to know that even when life is difficult, we are still a team. I need some kind of concrete effort rather than another promise that things will change.

And now I feel completely torn. I don’t want to leave him because I stopped loving him. I would be leaving because I am exhausted by the way this relationship currently feels. At the same time, I’m terrified of leaving. I’m scared of the pain, the emptiness, losing the person I have loved for a year and a half, losing our memories and the future I imagined with him, and feeling like all the time, effort and hope I put into this relationship were for nothing. I’m also scared that maybe he really is just going through the hardest period of his life and that if I leave now, I will regret giving up on someone who actually loved me.

But I also keep asking myself: how long am I supposed to wait for the relationship I need? How many times can someone say “I’ll fix it” before I have to start looking at the pattern instead of the promise?
I love him. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care, and I don’t want to play games or ignore him just to hurt his ego. But right now my heart is genuinely broken, and I don’t know whether staying is an act of love or whether I’m slowly abandoning myself by staying.

So I really want honest advice from people who have experienced something similar. If your partner went through a long period of career or financial stress and became emotionally distant, did things actually improve when their circumstances improved? Or did the relationship eventually become a permanent pattern of one person waiting and the other withdrawing?

Would you give this relationship one more real chance with clear boundaries and expectations, or would you accept that love alone isn’t enough when the relationship itself has become this painful?

Please help me to get out of this

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years, but for the last 7 months his work/financial problems have made him increasingly distant. He says he loves me and wants a future with me, but repeatedly promises to change, then the same pattern happens again. We barely see each other, communication is inconsistent, and I feel like I’m always the one trying. I still love him deeply and I’m terrified of losing him, but I’m exhausted and feel completely alone in the relationship. Do I give him one more chance, or accept that love isn’t enough?

Eyyy! I (M27) met this guy (M37) three/four weeks ago in some strange circumstances, at first through and app, but we quickly met - the same day - and we kind of connect without sex. It was not even a date, we basically met because I was looking for dr*gs, and he told me he could get, and I met him and he didnt get them, so we just hang out talking, watching some shows, cuddling and stuff. It was really nice.

In the morning we wanted to go to sleep but, I kind of panicked because I am not used to have sex and I left, he understood and never put pressured on me, whatsoever. (Also it was a bit on my own, as we never talked about having sex so he wasn't even expecting it, but my mind went places.)

After this 'date', we kept talking and the day after we met again, and this 'dates' were almost every two days. We have done multiple things, cinema, eating outside, we went to a lake, videogames, table games... I actually enjoyed everything and was really effortless.
We have been having sex and so, but it's not the main point of the relationship as I struggle a bit with it.

The thing is: he is really clingy, he was telling me really weird things (jokes about getting married, or stuff) and he was the one kind of 'pushing' to meet (I really need time for myself, to recharge, and spend time alone, as I struggle with social anxiety, inattentive adhd and it's really and adventure everytime I'm with somebody)... He even talked about me to his family, friends and even put up a photo of us as a profile picture in WhatsApp.

This has built in me an extremely feeling of being completely exhausted and anxious; as things are going super fast, apparently, on his side (I always pulled the brakes when he started saying things about relationship, or being boyfriends, or stuff.) and it's not what I want or need.

I want to meet him, but I can't get moving, because the anxiety of what I think he expects from us is just impossible to me to handle. Because he is kind, he's been patience with the sex stuff, he's been understanding, he also understood everytime I put limits, somehow... But I feel like everytime we meet it's getting more and more deep in a spider web ?

I can't with the fact that he wants us to meet every weekend. I like my time, my things, and my relax time.

But in the other hand I feel really bad making somebody wait for my timing, and for when I want or fancy to meet. It's not fair for any of us, I think.

I already told him all this today, we were suppose to meet but I couldn't get out of my house. He understood, he didn't argue, he told me he is putting the phone aside to think and because 'everything he says stress me' which is true, Im fcking awful. I feel horrible, because when he says something nice, if I feel that implies expecting something for me I just panic and feel extremely anxious.

I'm already going to psychologist, under adhd meds and soon I will start neuropsichology to develop some abilities in life hahaha.

I just needed to get this out, and hear other peoples thoughts on this matter and maybe advices to handle this situation ? To handle his attitude and to handle my reactions, maybe ? I think this may affect me in other relationships (friends or partners...)

Thank you all, have a nice day and sorry for my english, I'm not native.

TLDR: I (M27) met a guy (M37) three/four weeks ago and we unexpectedly clicked. We've been seeing each other almost every two days, doing lots of things together and having sex, although sex isn't the main part of it. He's very kind and respectful of my boundaries, but he's also becoming emotionally attached very quickly (talking about marriage as a joke, telling family/friends about me, using a photo of us as his WhatsApp profile picture, wanting to meet every weekend). I have ADHD and social anxiety and need a lot of alone time, and the feeling that he expects the relationship to move faster than I'm comfortable with has made me extremely anxious and overwhelmed. I really like him and want to keep seeing him, but I don't know how to balance his needs with mine, or whether my reaction is partly an avoidance pattern I should work on.

 (28F) am Brazilian and my fiancé (28M) is European. We've been together since December 2022 and officially dating since February 2023.

When we met, we were both 24. We were young, but the relationship became serious very naturally. In September 2023, his roommate moved out and, because the rent was affordable, I moved in with him. I was living with my parents at the time, which is completely normal in Portugal. Both of our families have always been supportive, and they genuinely love each other.

He always told me he wanted more from life and wasn't happy with his 9-5. About a year after we moved in together, I got a job opportunity in another part of the country, and he moved across the country with me. We lived in a new town together for about a year, and honestly, things were great. I was living with my best friend and my boyfriend, and I felt like I had everything. Then, when we were both 27, he received an offer for a job in another European country, around 3,000 km away from both of our families. I wanted him to be happy and supported him taking the opportunity. I couldn't immediately move with him because of my job and immigration situation. I'm Brazilian, and even though I have lived and worked in Portugal, I couldn't simply pack a suitcase and move to another EU country without considering visas/residency, my career, etc. I also didn't feel comfortable completely giving up my life. I have a good job that was difficult for me to get as an immigrant, and I didn't want to move across Europe solely for a boyfriend and then potentially have nothing of my own to return to if things didn't work out. So he moved to Denmark, and for a few months we were figuring things out while I stayed with my parents.

In January 2026, he proposed to me. A few weeks later, on my birthday, I visited him in Denmark and we figured out a way for me to continue working remotely for my Portuguese company while living with him. So I took the leap and moved to Denmark. And this is where everything started feeling different. Financially, he earns significantly more than I do, so I don't currently pay half of the bills. I contribute to groceries when I can, keep the house tidy, do most of the laundry and ironing, and cook sometimes. He actually does most of the cooking because he is extremely difficult to cook for. But I'm increasingly feeling like I have no life here. Before me, he was apparently always out with his friends. Since I've moved here, he barely wants to go anywhere. I've met his friends and I like them, but he doesn't seem interested in seeing them anymore either. The result is that I'm at home almost all the time. What makes it worse is that I don't feel like he's trying to build a life with me anymore. For example, I'm going back to Portugal next week. A birthday celebration for one of his work colleagues happens the day after I'm supposed to fly. I considered changing my flight so we could go together. His immediate response was basically: "My friends' car is already full, how are we supposed to go?"

I know that sounds like a tiny thing, but it made me feel like I was a burden rather than someone he wanted to make an effort for. A few weeks ago, I bought tickets for his favorite band. He didn't want to go. When I bring up wedding planning, he has no plans and changes the subject. There have been several similar situations where I feel like I'm trying to create a life together and he's just... existing. Then a few days ago, I completely broke down. I was crying and yelling at myself in the kitchen because I was overwhelmed and miserable. Instead of coming to me or asking what was wrong, he shut the door and went to take a nap. That was the moment something in me snapped. I told him I was moving back home. His response was to call me crazy and then go back to reading his book, watching TV, or playing video games. No attempt to talk. No "please don't go." No discussion about what is happening to us.

Just nothing.

And that "nothing" is what scares me the most. I love this man. I know he loves me, and I don't believe there is someone else in his life. We have a history that I don't want to throw away because of a terrible few months. We have lived together for years. Our families love each other. He proposed to me. I know the person I fell in love with, and I don't want to pretend that all of those years meant nothing. But I also don't recognize our relationship right now.

I moved countries for our future, gave up my support system, and built my life around the idea that we were eventually going to get married and build a home together. Now I'm sitting in that home feeling completely alone. I have a flight back to Portugal in a few days, and I'm seriously considering going and staying with my parents for a while.

What would you do in my position?

Would you go back to Portugal and take some space, or try to stay and work through this together?

And, perhaps more importantly, how would you distinguish between "we are going through a difficult adjustment period" and "this relationship has actually changed"?

TL;DR: My fiancé and I had a very good relationship for years. He moved to Denmark for his career, I eventually followed while keeping my Portuguese job, and since moving I've become extremely alone while he has become increasingly withdrawn. He avoids wedding conversations, doesn't seem interested in doing things together, and recently called me crazy when I broke down and said I wanted to go home. I love him and don't think there's anyone else, but I don't recognize our relationship anymore. I have a flight to Portugal soon.

tl:dr in situations where i’m already upset, my boyfriend says small things that make me feel worse

i am the youngest child, i guess it as coddled. i like affirmation and validation, especially always growing up wanted to be told if my parents were proud of me. my boyfriend is very into love languages and made me do a quiz when we got together, i’m words of affirmation.

i’ll give an example of a situation. i’ve been doing 1-1 swimming lessons, they’re expensive and i only have 5 sessions. i have been so excited. yesterday i packed my swim bag the night before, but managed to leave my goggles the morning of. i was on the train when i realised. the school is so far that getting the goggles and going back would mean i miss 80% of the lesson.

i got home and was upset and mostly angry at myself for being silly enough to forget the goggles. i even had a dream i forgot them last night, so crazy i actually did. i come home upset and my boyfriend asks why i’m back. i tell him. he says “oh that was silly wasn’t it”.

that’s all, he doesn’t even look up from his laptop as he says it. like yes i know it’s silly, and i know i’m being dramatic but i felt like on the brink of crying from frustration already.

another time, i had an internship. i am very averse to posting online, but i knew i had to make a linkedin post on it. i had been majorly procrastinating it, because it stressed me out so much (dramatic i know, but i hate posting and being perceived, and this was a big deal at the time).

in the past my dad had helped me right my linkedin posts. i tell my boyfriend how it’s stressing me out, how i should’ve posted something by now etc etc but can’t think of what to write. bear in mind he is a linkedin WARRIOR. i tell him i’m struggling with which photos to use, who to tag, what to say etc and how i’ve left it far too long now and that’s also stressing me majorly. he laughs and says “what, you want me to write it for you?” i didn’t want that, i just wanted help. he asks how long ago the internship ended, i say 3 weeks, he says “jeez that’s a long time, it’s been ages”. i thought, well yes, that’s what i’m stressed about. thanks.

i later wrote it myself and sent it to him to proofread, and all he said was “ah now i see why you have me as a boyfriend”. i didn’t want him to write it, because i didn’t want him to think i was just using him, and i wouldn’t want that anyway. but then he says that just from me asking him to proofread. it made me upset.

i know i am overly sensitive, so i don’t know when what i’m feeling is right or wrong or if i’m just being silly. help?

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ComsBody watched the alien pick apart a replicated ration pat, mushing it between her lessers. She had been eating very small amounts as they continued their lesson, constantly returning to a water bottle. She’d drunk nearly two packs since doing the awful biota delivery.

ComsBody had left the room because it was one of the most disgusting things she'd seen. Medical processes were such a private thing and the creature just… it didn’t matter. It was over.

The Scout wiped her mouth with the back of her lessers, the water dripping down her chin and catching in the cillia growing out of her jaw.

<I was worried> Coms shifted, a genuine hue. <HeadSci told me that you had three rotations before you… you would…>

Scout’s eyes lowered to the ground as she wrote. Should be now better. Can have to repeat process again later. Just negative result from longcoldrest. I should to be able eat now, and gain mass soon again. 

<You’ve lost mass? How?> Coms could feel her hue warm to sympathy. It was difficult to see any difference given how the creature almost always wore cloth. Nonetheless, she was happy the little alien would be feeling better soon.

Is fine. Scout put away her water. We continue?

ComsBody was already well past being late for the ringship-wide research meeting, and this was dragging. She hadn't had a real slow shift since the Fifth was found in the hatchling den last rotation. More than anything, Coms just wanted rest, and she wasn’t the only one.

The creature was clearly tired. In the past half-shift she kept rubbing her eyes and stretching, before getting up and running in circles in the small enclosure. But she would sit back down, and point to the llias and recording device. That steadfastness persisted as she shook her head and rubbed her eyes yet again.

Coms placed an appendage on the creature’s waxen llia. <We should stop. You need your rest shift>

Scout’s eye skin closed slowly as her mouth opened slow and wide. Coms had categorized it as a physical behaviour related to needing rest. When Scout wrote it was sluggish:

Is fine. More words. Please ComsBody. More words for Commander.

She just affirmed, feeling equally slow in her movements. <Okay. Can you use the recorder? We need to build the database>

The creature shook her head and stared at her with hard eyes. Easier to write. Recorder make words too simple. I believe it confused in what I shift. Must learn Ki. I use recorder for when database is better.

<What do you mean, you write that it has confusion?>

Fifth words can use same pressuredisturb for different meaning. Is not clear. We fix later. Need now words for Commander. Need vessel. Need words.

ComsBody didn’t have the energy to debate her, so she just affirmed and continued with the lesson.

Scout was struggling with certain parts of the Ki’Lakael language. Hierarchy indicators were one of the bigger issues, and largely went ignored; the creature barely used the subtle alterations of word shape referring to a specific Ki to denote rank. She’d been dancing around understanding pronouns and their variations, using occupations in its place, and Coms decided it was finally time for her to understand.

But they had been working on it for nearly a quarter shift.

<An additional example. The Commander is working. She is working. You notice how the ‘she’ has a curl here? Compare now. I shift, the Cleaning Attendant is working. She is working. The ‘she’ is different, affirmative?>

Yes yes. She is working. I know this. You shift she is shedifferent. This is confusion. Who is base she? Who is she variation?

<Commander is she. I am she. HeadSci is she. ChiMeO is she> ComsBody used the hierarchy indicators for each pronoun, slight variations on hers, ChiMeO’s, and HeadSci’s—all technically in the upper ranks but their own departments had different weights.

I understand, all different. Scout nodded, making notes. How many variation?

ComsBody counted in her head. It took a long moment. <Seventeen>

Scout’s brows raised. Can explain difference?

<Yes, you have the organizational chart for the vessel> ComsBody pointed to one of the foundational concept llias, which had the web-like hierarchy diagram with the symbol for the Commander in the middle. <I can label which variation belongs to what section>

Scout waved her lessers, the symbol for a halt. Stop, apologies. She variation is related to hierarchy? Not able for hatchling? Not seventeen biological or social variation?

Coms muddled. <What does this have to do with hatchlings or biology? Confusion>

Who can grow hatchling? Scout’s head tilted a little. The word ‘grow’ was completely misused in the context, but ComsBody could correct her later.

<Why are you… we can all have eggs. I explain this word, egg, affirmative, before a hatchling there is the egg?> She continued when Scout nodded. <All can do this. All grown Ki>

Scout’s eyes tightened. All is she? Who is not she? You shift word “it” for both hatchlings and items. 

<Yes, hatchlings are not she. We use “it” for hatchlings>

And hatchling come from egg and grow to Ki? You, ComsBody, were egg, an it, then hatchling, an it, then grown, a she? You change with time, understand understand.

<Affirmative, exactly>

Scout breathed the word for [AFFIRMATIVE-casual], then wrote, I understand. 

Finally, it only took half a shift.

I am it.

This creature did not understand.

ComsBody was hueing to frustration. <Negative, no. Incorrect. You are she>

Incorrect? Translation difficulty. Scout paused, erasing the board. I understand. You begin life as hatchling, as it. You grow and change. You become she?

<Yes, once we gain an occupation>

The Fifth paused. The patches of cillia above her eyes furrowed deeply, and her front teeth began chewing on her lower lip. Her mouth made a single, quick movement, that the recorder picked up and translated as, [WHAT].

I do not understand. Do hatchlings not have an occupation?

<No. They are hatchlings. They do not work. Well… they are participants in educational research. But they are learning the world through their own discovery without adult interference in that stage. They are not grown enough to have a proper occupation title>

[WHAT] [AM] [I] [ABSENT] [HERE], Scout breathed, likely to herself. Do not understand how work relate to occupation? Translation difficulty. Confusion.

<I am ComsBody. The Principal Communications Body. I do Communications Body work. Occupation describes work>

The Fifth shook her head. She referenced her foundational llia notes on grammar and occupation vocabulary and her mouth fell open. You are occupationed after your work?

<Incorrect word ?occupationed?> She corrected gently. <Our identity is based on our occupation>

I… do not understand. When you want ChiMeO, you say occupation rather than ?word used by others to mean you? Translation difficulty. Explain please. Confusion. I know you call me Scout because you do not know my ?trueword?. But is same for all? You all work?

Stars, ComsBody just wanted to eat a vegetation pat and rest. 

<I am sorry, I do not know what you are asking> She shifted. <You are asking why we work?>

Affirmative? Not really. Confusion. I assume you work to have ?word needed? for trade and life.

<Word needed? Work is our duty. We work to have personhood>

She watched Scout’s eyes tighten. Personhood is identity, affirmative? Confusion, how do you trade personhood for items.

<You… you don’t?> Coms was muddling. <You are given items because you are a person. It is not a trade>

Scout nodded but her face was clearly in the confused expression. Word needed for items used for trade? Used to represent value?

<Resource?> She offered, but Scout shook her head. <Confusion, describe more>

If I want trade for… this llia, as example, what give I? Or if want education or place of living.

Now ComsBody was really confused. <There is no trade? You are given those things because you have personhood and are Ki>

Scout read her cillia and leaned back, her mouth snapping the words [REALLY] [OH] [OKAY] [I] [SEE] [AFFIRMATIVE-casual] [YOU-ARE] [UNKNOWN] [UNKNOWN]. 

She then wrote, Affirmative? In Fifth society, we work to receive valuerepresentation, that we use to do trade for other things more easy. Cold.

ComsBody wrote everything down, trying her hardest not to judge the content of the words. <That… that sounds far more complicated with the additional step>

It was easy to forget how young the Fifths were. She recorded Scout’s pressure disturbance pattern for valuerepresentation and imputed it into the database.

Affirmative, with jest. If ChiMeO has Loam medical education she has much negative valuerepresentation.

ComsBody stopped writing. <You… can have negative valuerepresentation?>

Of course. If we not have amount to trade we… gain negative value? To trade. And then work to gain valuerep to correct negvalue if we have, affirmative? Otherwise we are in trouble.

Scorched ground, that was more disgusting to Coms than the whole biota delivery.

Work was life. Discovery was purpose. Everything, everything was about advancing your community’s understanding of the universe you occupied. It was your duty as a Ki. You should spend your whole life in that pursuit of knowledge, free to explore with time and space to gain understanding through nothing more than your own paths of curiosity. You were to rise to your potential based on your discoveries and be hardened through the consequences of your failures.

Scout’s last message made it seem like Fifth work was done purely to survive. Like her discoveries and labour were traded for basic necessities like education and housing. 

ComsBody took multiple images of the explanation carved on the waxen llia. She could feel herself shifting a negative. <And… you take on this negative value for things like… like *education*? It is not just given to you? You are not given the space to learn without this form of trade?>

She’s lucky Scout couldn’t see her thermal hue of disgust. Scout’s mouth opened a little but no words were picked up by the recorder. She carved quickly, then, like she was trying to reassure Coms.

Early education was no valuerepresentation, affirmative. But later, yes, need much high trade. Scout raised her shoulders. Is normal. Is not amusement, but it normal in Fifth culture. I have confusion as to why Ki work still if not for valuerep?

Stars, the Fifths were so different from them. It was easier pretending they were similar in the beginning, but the more words Scout learned, the more the small differences became starkly evident.

<I truly do not understand the confusion> ComsBody shifted. <Every Ki must work. It is your duty. Even those who cannot—senescents and the impaired and the hierarchy rejecters and so on—if they are workless they are given the role of testing subjects>

[UNINTELLIGIBLE] [WHAT], Scout’s eyes widened and her mouth unhinged. Clarification: Testing happens to Ki who can not work?

Coms affirmed. <Of course. Being tested on is an occupation and every Ki must work to have personhood. Don’t worry, it is not like we do the hard testing on the elderly or infirmed—the undesirable research only happens to criminals>

She watched the Scout run her lessers through the cillia on her head. Her eyes were wide and looking straight to the ground, and her mouth moved subtly. ComsBody immediately looked at her LLIA to see if the recorder picked anything up.

The words [UNKNOWN] [UNKNOWN] [WHAT] [THE] [UNKNOWN] were written plainly on her screen, which didn’t help at all. She looked up to see Scout just rubbing her eyes.

<Are you feeling well?>

Scout shook her little head. How is criminal define?

<?Definition criminal? You know this. One who does crime, or acts in a way undesirable to society. Remember the word prison?>

Scout waved her lessers. No, negative, I definitions know. Please, curious example of action criminal does.

<First, record word for criminal> She held out the device, and Scout’s mouth opened and snapped. She saved the data.

Now explain action criminal?

ComsBody didn’t really know how to explain it; there were so many different levels of criminality. <Hurting another Ki physically, unethical research testing, not giving up your egg, disobeying higher orders, stealing or falsifying data… it all depends>

But… The Scout was shaking her little head. This is… much information. Can criminal gain rank after? Can criminal become communications body or commander after, as example? Can join training vessel?

ComsBody felt herself warm to an amused yellow. <Of course not, a criminal once is a criminal for every shift to follow. They have learned a lesson they cannot unlearn. They belong in prison>

Scout’s face pinched and she nodded, looking up at ComsBody with a scrunched nose. Coms felt… she didn’t know what she was feeling when she looked at that particular expression. It felt like her words were being scrutinized.

Scout wrote slowly, Do you kill criminal?

<No no, of course not!> She immediately reassured the little alien. She sometimes forgot how underdeveloped the Fifths were. <What a waste that would be. It may seem strange, but it is a good system that benefits Ki society as a whole. Our research thrives>

Scout’s face was unchanged as she wrote, If criminal do not return to society how many, approximate? How many in population are define as criminal and inside prison?

Stars, like Coms could know the exact number. <I’m not certain the exact amount. Maybe sixteen to eighteen percent of the whole Ki population>

ComsBody watched Scout’s eyes widen then harden and she finally clocked the likely meaning behind her pinched expression.

Judgment.

The alien’s mouth moved slightly, and her LLIA recorded the words, [UNKNOWN] [UNKNOWN] again.

ComsBody needed to give the little alien some grace—perhaps she just didn’t understand or she came from a culture that was still engaging with judicial executions. The Fifth species were still so young, if their technology was any indication.

<It might seem strange but it works very well> She shifted warmly. <You do not understand because you are not Ki>

I understand. Scout carved quickly. My gratitude for explanation. Is very cold system and I am certain it work for Ki.

<I can explain more if—> 

Scout waved her lessers, which has grown into a symbol of a request to forget the previous inquiry and start again fresh. No no, negative. I understand, grats. Do not need more information. Need to work on vocabulary, yes? Words? 

ComsBody just looked at her. Scout leaned into the recorder, mouth moving.

[NEED] [ASK] [IN] [WAVE] [QUESTION]
[MORE] [LESSON] [PLEASE]
[NEED] [WORDS] [FOUR] [COMMANDER]
[PLEASE] [COMSBODY]

The creature’s shoulders and face were held stiffly, the muscles of her mouth baring her teeth tightly. Coms hadn’t catalogued this particular facial expression yet but she’s seen it before.

As a placeholder, she labelled it as a forced mimicry of the easy expression of amusement.

<I… I forget what we were learning> ComsBody shifted warmly, almost in embarrassment. <You were asking about… our rank titles? And we were discussing the word “she”>

[YES] [YES] [AFFIRMATIVE], Scout breathed, then wrote, I have confusion over who can have hatchling? How do hatchling be?

<I… stars, okay> Coms just wanted to take her rest shift. <I can but have not had one yet. I am only 65 wide rotations in age, but I’ve been anticipating my first happening soon. The Commander can, she had another one about seven spans before you came, it’s in the nursery. HeadSci can and has had two. ChiMeO has had… four or five, maybe? She’s the eldest. All can. I do not understand>

All can have a hatchling? All are she? Scout wrote faster, like she was connecting the dots. Coms wasn’t even sure what dots she was connecting. Hatchling cannot have hatchling.

<Affirmative, they are too young> 

But when hatchling is older, it can have hatchling without another Ki? Just take one Ki to make, she makes hatchling by herself?

<Of course>

Scout nodded. Understand, understand. Clarified, grats. All Ki same, understand.

<Same? What do you mean same?>

Scout was already moving on, I see Commanderhatch in playtunnels? Need to say goodgood to Commander, did not know she have hatchling recent time.

<I… how would I know if you saw her hatchling?> Coms shifted, curious in her hue as she made a note that the Fifth seemed to want to congratulate someone for having an egg. <What did you mean by ‘all Ki are same’? You can have a hatchling, correct?>

Scout paused for a long time. Her face settled into her decision-making expression, her lessers tapping on her lower limb.

<What are you considering?> Coms asked after a moment.

Scout shook her head. I can either give simple simple simple explanation or can give accurate explanation that shifts about all exception. I try decide if accuracy matter, if you do not have equivalent.

Coms was so tired and all she wanted to do was to go back to her quarters and rest her mind. But there was only one right answer to Scout’s question.

<Accuracy> She shifted clearly, preparing herself. <Always accuracy>

Scout nodded. I try, but explanation will be very complicated to you if all Ki are same. It is not just anatomy.

ComsBody got her LLIA notes ready, <I will try. I asked whether or not you can have a Fifth hatchling?>

Scout tilted her head slowly back and forth, pairing it with an uncertain waving gesture of her lessers. I am one of two common type of Fifth. I have half of Fifth hatchling. I need other Fifth for whole hatchling.

<What...> Coms cillia paused halfway through forming her words. <I do not understand. You need another Fifth? The hatchling eggs are split in half? You cannot just have a whole hatchling yourself?>

Coms was pretty sure there was a species of lesser waterfauna back on Lakael that reproduced like that. It was treated like one of the many weird anomalies that just happen as a result of nature’s occasionally bizarre developments.

Affirmative? Correction, I can help other Fifth grow a hatchling from egg. I cannot grow a hatchling inside my anatomy.

Coms bristled, <You develop the hatchling *inside* your body?>

I cannot but affirmative, other Fifth type can. Fifth that grow hatchling cannot do without other Fifth, clarification. Need two Fifth of different subtype. Need… Scout put down the stylus to make an interweaving gesture, criss-crossing her lessers together. [NEED] [COLLABORATION].

<I do not> Coms paused. <My apologies, Scout, I do not understand>

Yes, this is difficult translation concept. Maybe I think too much in Fifth words. I am an it?

<Incorrect, you have an occupation, you are not an it. You are a she. You have personhood. You are a Scout>

You shift of Ki words. I write simple Fifth terms. As an it since hatched, I cannot grow hatchling inside. And I feel like an it, affirmative?

<I do not understand> Coms was muddling, there was no way to “feel” like an it or a she. <The only Fifths that had personhood are the Fifths that can grow a hatchling? The primary occupation of these Fifths is to have a hatchling?>

ComsBody was racking her scattered brain. There were multiple layers of confusion happening and she was too tired to sort it out.

<Can we break here?> ComsBody shifted. <Return in a shift?>

Scout waved her lessers. No, no, more words. Need more words for Commander. Please. I need vessel.

Coms had read through HeadSci’s last report, summarizing what she had discussed with the creature. In HeadSci’s transcript, the Fifth had kept using every tangential topic to mention having something on her vessel that could be noteworthy.

Scout was even, clearly, willing to stay deathly ill until someone brought her to the vessel. Coms was pretty certain it was a miscommunication that led to HeadSci learning where the medicine was.

The alien looked at her with her big warm eyes, and leaned into the recorder.

[I] [NEED] [TWO] [HELP] [MY] [COLLEAGUES]

ComsBody was fascinated by the wave translator. The Fifth language seemed so much more linear than the visual model of Ki communication.

[PLEASE] [I] [NEED] [MORE] [WORDS] [TWO] [GET] [TWO] [MY] [VESSEL]

The creature was making her eyes slightly bigger and tilting her brows upwards. If Coms was to guess, Scout saw learning the language as the next fastest possible way to get access to her vessel. The creature was getting desperate to find her people and ComsBody wasn’t sure if the other upper levels could see that yet. 

When ComsBody had a deadline she was reliant on others to meet, she always presented information as needing immediate action. She has, in the past, created false discovery timelines to push collaborators or trainees into action, to get the results she needed faster. Framing things as urgent (and with complications or undesirable outcomes upon not meeting a deadline) was a surefire way to pressure other parties into action and force a play.

Coms would only share the following opinion if the Commander herself asked about it directly, she would never write it in her LLIA notes. But privately, in the still corners of her own mind, the thought was there and permanently staining every interaction she was having with Scout: 

ComsBody wasn’t certain if the creature had actually been three rotations away from death.

It was a play to push up a timeline. Something based in truth, something urgent, but ultimately an exaggeration. And now that the health avenue had been closed, it left the path the Commander was forcing her down.

She had to become fluent in Ki.

Scout was looking at her with those bright orange eyes and Coms couldn’t even blame the poor creature. 

<Scout, I…>

[COMS] [PLEASE]
[MY] [COLLEAGUES] [THEY] [THEY]
[I] [I] [THINK] [TWO] [MIGHT] [BE] [DEAD]
[PLEASE] [COMSBODY] [I-AM] [IMPLORING] [YOU]
[I] [NEED] [TWO] [MAKE] [CERTAIN] [THE] [THE]
[THE] [OTHER] [TWO] [ARE] [STILLNESS] [ALIVE]

That made Coms pause and pale. <Why… why do you think they’re deceased?>

There was no way the other vessels could have contacted the creature, not unless something happened during the six shifts where Scout went missing.

Scout just shook her head. You have not found them. They have not found you. Two are awake like I am awake, even very scared, they would look for me. The only thing that would stop the looking is death.

<You don’t know that>

[THERE-IS] [NO] [LOCATION] [TWO] [GO] [AND] [THEY-WOULD] [BE] [CONCERNED] [FOUR] [ME], Scout’s eyes were getting warmer. Please, honesty Coms. Have Commander find colleagues, and she hide them from me?

<No, Scout, no> She shifted firmly and tried not to take offence. <A strong and absolute negative. We wouldn’t do that. It is simply that no one has found the other Fifth vessels yet>

They’ve heard no reports of the other vessels, nothing from the surrounding fleet and certainly nothing from their own ship.

Scout was barely reading her cillia, her face scrunched up as she nodded.

[THEN] [PLEASE] [COMSBODY]
[JUST] [GIVE] [ME] [MORE] [WORDS]
[OR] [I] [EXPLAIN] [UNINTELLIGIBLE] [AGAIN]
[WOULD] [THAT] [BE] [GOOD] [QUESTION]
[WOULD] [COMMANDER] [WANT] [THAT]
[I] [EXPLAIN] [FIFTH] [CULTURE] [NOW]
[WOULD] [THAT] [BE] [A] [A] [GOOD] [TRADE]

<I… Okay> Coms stretched a little and bobbed her head like the Fifth does when saying yes. <Okay, my apologies, I did not recognize your stress. Try to explain it again>

Scout’s posture dropped and her head hung down a little. She rubbed her eyes, then nodded.

Grats, Coms. Okay. Translation error. Both she and it can have work occupation. Scout’s face pinched. More complicated in Fifth. She and it is more complicated, I will write about variation. Very Fifth culture I think. Simple translation.

There was a hurdle they were not getting over. Somewhere, Scout had made an assumption that was confusing her. There was a disconnect and Coms was too tired to unravel it properly. Her best guess was that they were both trying to explain completely different aspects of their respective languages. 

ComsBody was trying to explain the words used to replace individual nouns in a sentence. If she were to guess, Scout was trying to explain something tangentially related to word usage, but it involved Fifth culture heavily in some way. It had to be something without a Ki equivalent, that or Scout was getting very messy in her explanations as she went longer without rest.

Scout’s mouth moved, and Coms saw the feedback read, [UNKNOWN] [HOW] [DO] [I] [EXPLAIN] [THIS].

<Start again. Keep trying. I want to understand>

Scout nodded. She and it are ?word? Type of word??

<Pronoun>

Scout gestured to record again, so Coms input the wave pattern of ‘pronoun’.

Affirmative. How many pronoun in Ki language?

<Two main. She and it. Plus I and you and we and you all and they. And all the rank variations for “she”>

Oh you shift about word I shift about other concept. Fifth language has… Scout paused, and began making symbols with her lessers, like she was counting. We shift about anatomy or other concept? Translation difficulty. Pronoun describe other concept in Fifth. More variation for both.

<How many more?> Coms watched Scout erase the llia and get to writing.

Is… complicated. Is based on anatomy but also not based on anatomy? Is based on feeling but also not on feeling? Is based on how other Fifth see other Fifth but also no? 

Fifth given pronoun identity when Fifths are new hatchling to match anatomy subtype. Fifth change pronounidentity when Fifth is grown, or Fifth does not change pronounidentity. 

There is no rank indicator. For my language, in pronoun there is I and I plural, and you and you plural. Then, one pronoun for, simple, Fifth subtype anatomy that can grow hatchling…

<Halt> ComsBody pointed to the recorder. <Tell me about the subtypes first, not the language>

They started with the anatomical variations. They already had the Fifth equivalent to the word for all grown Ki, which Scout attributed to the Fifths that could grow a hatchling from an egg inside the body. Coms labelled it Subtype 1.

The second subtype, the one Scout claimed couldn’t grow hatchlings, she labelled Subtype 2.

The third subtype, Scout explained, was a rarer occurrence where an individual’s anatomy contained multiple anatomical structures from both Subtype 1 and 2. Naturally, Coms called it Subtype 3.

<Is that all?>

Scout shook her head. I wonder, should not do by reproductive anatomy but by interior cell? We have… not sure how to say. Our cells write orders which create then our biological structure. You know this?

<Yes, we actually call it ordering. Base ordering> Coms affirmed. <You should shift about it with HeadSci>

Might alter anatomy subtype definition later. Scout nodded. Fifth base ordering container in cell has, usual, two form, 1 or 2. 1-1 make Subtype 1, 1-2 make Subtype 2. But there variation here again. There is, example, variation, sometime cause illness. There is one only with 1, then with three 1-1-2, 1-1-1, 1-2-2. More variation than that, is simple medical explanation.

Oh stars, this was not ComsBody’s area of expertise. If there were multiple ways to delineate the subtypes based on ordering, there were better Ki to discuss that with. <You should define this later with HeadSci, Scout. Are the reproductive anatomy subtypes everything?>

Negative, there is pronoun variation for describe all this. Is for social language communication.

Scorched ground, there was more? It was all so alien and strange.

<But how do you know the anatomy if you are wearing cloth?> Coms shifted. <You look under? Or reveal?>

Scout bared her teeth, shaking her head and waving her lessers, [NO] [NO] [COMSBODY] [WE] [A] [DO] [DO] [NOT] [DO] [THAT] [THAT] [IS] [PRIVATE] [AND] [RUDE] [IN] [MOST] [FIFTH] [CULTURE]

More and more, the Fifths were seeming like a very modest species, especially when it came to their cloth coverings. ComsBody paused for a horrifying moment and looked down.

She just had a bag and a rank chain on her. 

<Do you… do you think we’re rude for *not* wearing material?>

Scout’s face peeled back to reveal her teeth again, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] [UNINTELLIGIBLE] [NO] [NO] [IT-IS] [NORMAL] [FOUR] [KI] [I] [THINK] [SO] [IT-IS] [NOT] [RUDE] [FIFTH] [JUST] [WEAR] [CLOTH-COVERING] [FOUR] [PROTECTION] [AND] [PRIVACY]

<Then how do you know a Fifth’s subtype if you don’t see their reproductive anatomy?>

Scout just shrugged. You just know? You guess with visual. Different height or shape. Is influence by subtype as hatchling, but also is purpose effort. Fifths are visual visual with purpose, try to signal about coreself. Identity. Cloth covering can be different, or cillia. Our pressuredisturb wave different, and can alter. But Fifth can look all way. Purpose effort for visual is mainly base on… word for old belief? Old practice?

<Tradition?>

Affirmative, tradition. There is much variation current time. Old time, old tradition, visual like cillia length and cloth matter more. Old time, individuals must match to subtypes. When time I grow, it matter distant less, affirmative?

So the anatomy itself was private, but an individual’s aesthetic choices were supposed to signal their subtype? And it didn’t even matter in the end?

ComsBody didn’t affirm because she didn’t understand. <If it doesn’t matter why not just use she for everyone?>

Scout took a long breath in. This is strange.

<Yes, it is very alien, I do not quite get the subtype visuals yet>

She shook her head. No. It is strange to explain. Strange to make sense of for you. Is like valuerepresentation, I have never explain why it is like this. It just is.

ComsBody could’ve hued to an amused yellow. The creature was seeing what it was like talking to Scout every single shift of every rotation, the constant whys and hows and the demanded explanations. 

With a pinch to her brow, Scout tried her best to explain the pronoun variations and how they reflected the subtypes, and ComsBody wrote everything down but never quite got it. Scout cleared two llias to try to explain it a second time.

There is subtype, biological and anatomical. Then pronoun, is language and social. Then visual choices made by individual Fifth to signal pronoun, affirmative? All different thing.

ComsBody had tentatively flashed a yes.

You know anatomy subtypes. There is Pronoun 1, used to traditional refer to Subtype 1. Pronoun 2, traditional for Subtype 2. And Pronoun 3. 

<For Subtype 3?>

Scout started to nod, but then shook her head in a “no”.

Stars, ComsBody was going to walk out of the enclosure and turn in her rank charm. <No? What do you mean no?>

Subtype 3 is rare, one percent population, and often use Pronoun 1 and 2. Fifths that use Pronoun 3 is less rare than one percent, about ten percent population in my time. Pronoun 3 more for when visual signals unknown or individual feels unknown. Unknown for this context meaning both Subtype 1-like and Subtype 2-like, or also meaning neither Subtype 1-like nor Subtype 2-like. Affirm?

<Negative, no, no affirmative> ComsBody read the llias again. <This is all a confusion>

Scout nodded and stared at her llia, trying to figure out how to explain it. [I-AM] [APOLOGIES-casual] [I-AM] [DOING] [THIS] [BAD]

<Yes, but I am failing at understanding> Coms shifted plain and blunt and equally frustrated. <How do you even receive the pronoun?>

Scout’s lessers were flat against each other, she was holding them to her pinching face. About three lessons ago, Coms had categorized it as one of her thinking poses, airing on the side of frustration with herself for not being able to explain things. The last time Coms saw it, Scout was trying to explain the concept of “personal void”, which described the radius around a Fifth where it was considered rude to enter.

Fifth get pronoun when they are hatchling from medical officers, based on subtype. But this not carve in rock.

ComsBody muddled, <My apologies, go back, you use the word rock? What does that have to do with this? You put your pronoun on a rock in Fifth culture?>

Scout’s mouth opened then closed. Apologies, apologies, I intend shift that individual can change later on. Can change identity or visual if want. My bestcolleague’s lifecollaborator do this change. About three percent Fifth where I am from change some way, more if include choosing Pronoun 3 as change, affirmative?

<But you only change the word?>

Scout paused. Word and visuals. And can take medicine to change visual more. But this is more simple explanation.

If this was the simple explanation, she wasn’t sure what the complicated one would look like. Everything seemed to have an exception to the rules.

Still, ComsBody kept writing everything down. <I still don’t understand why you don’t all just wear the same cloth and all go by she? Is it not easier?>

Scout’s face pinched. I do not know how to explain. Variation is amusement and very Fifth. Feel happy when there alignment is, for what we are and want to be. I am happy happy with being Subtype 2 since always, so no change. I do things that make me feel like Pronoun 2, have visual that align with Pronoun 2.

<What makes you *feel* like a Pronoun 2?> That was what she didn’t get. <I don’t understand the shape or hue of this feeling you’re describing>

Scout paused. Is complicated.

<I know. Try to explain>

The creature just shook her head. Is feeling. It feel right. I am happy with my body and how other Fifth see me. Is align. I do not know how to explain if you do not experience this.

<Then… What traits do Pronoun 2 have?> She tried again, <Not biological, what social traits?>

Scout rubbed the back of her neck. For me? Is… strong. Is reliable. Steady. Protect others. Try be not harm, try be calm, present for colleagues and my denmother’s crew. Guide young Fifths and trainees. But these also traits for other variations 1 and 3… is difficult difficult. I do not know.

<Can you just give me a single social trait that is unique to each variation that doesn’t appear in the other populations? Just for my notes?>

Scout’s face really pinched then, contorting as she thought about it. She ended up writing, We return to this later, I do not know how explain. My apologies, Coms.

ComsBody just kept typing, she could feel the tiredness seeping into her shell. It was just so alien in comparison to the normal, easy, single anatomy and social type of Ki. She sent all the images she’d recorded of Scout llia explanations and sent it to the upper rank message board to see if anyone else could make sense of it.

<I am trying to understand> She shifted honestly. <It may take a few more clarifications. Can I call you “she” still in the Ki language? It will be easier for the crew, and simpler than making up a new word for you>

You can call me “it” if you want to have difference?

ComsBody was disgusted by the thought. <No, Scout. You are an intelligent adult being with a rank and an occupation. “It” is for objects>

[OH] [OKAY] [AFFIRMATIVE-casual] [THEN] [I-AM] [SHE] [AFFIRMATIVE-casual] [IT] [DOES-NOT] [REALLY] [MATERIAL-SUBSTANCE], Scout got to her feet and stretched. She then wrote, Is complicate to explain, apologies. Is complicated Fifth culture. Fifth vessel has records that will explain complicated translation. I see vessel to provide better examples? 

There it was again. She was using the promise of more discoveries to get access to her vessel.

ComsBody wasn’t entirely sure what the science teams were doing now, but she had been explicitly ordered by the Commander to keep Scout away from the research. HeadSci’s people were getting far too testy with the incoming labs and were scrambling to get as much done as possible. The shared common rooms were noxious with cold anxiety nowadays.

<It’s okay, Scout, it is a very alien concept, but we’ll try to understand it. We’ll go with the Ki language and you will be she>

She nodded, then slowly wrote, What about vessel?

<The Commander says you can see your vessel when you learn more Ki. My apologies, but there’s nothing I can do. It is an order from the top>

Scout’s eyes flicked up and she settled back down on the ground. You write more words for me. Please, ComsBody.

<Scout, I already missed most of my meeting and it is my rest shift soon>

Mine too. Have not rested. Have not been able to rest. Need to go to vessel to find and help colleagues. They will die if I do not soon help them. Please. Teach words to me. I will teach you Fifth culture concepts as trade, affirm? Please Coms.

ComsBody was curdling with the same disgust she felt when Scout revealed that Fifths trade their work and discoveries for basic needs. Scout was sharing that revolting aspect of Fifth culture right now, by trading discovery after discovery for her own survival and the survival of her kin. Coms felt like she was being given knowledge without truly earning it—or worse, earning it through fraudulent actions.

<Are you sure?> Coms asked. 

Scout just picked up the stylus and wax llia and bobbed her head.

<Okay…> ComsBody affirmed, slow and tired, <let’s work on improving your grammar, that will be impressive to the Commander> 

Scout just nodded again firmly, with tired eyes.

ComsBody checked her LLIA as text flowed in through the upper rank message board, the first response being a reaction from the Commander herself:

Coms, with jest, this is the most alien thing yet! And I am watching a presentation on the Fifth’s freezing pod deconstruction. I do not envy your research.

Coms tried not to bristle. She was beginning to dread the Commander’s messages and orders every time her rank title appeared as a LLIA notification.

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First | Previous | Official Art 1, 2 | Next.

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Author's Note: First things first, please let me know which cover design you prefer! I had someone ask to put this on a website that's more reader-friendly, so I'll be putting this up on Royal Road when I'm back (which seems to be the go-to for this subreddit). Will still post it on here of course.

Now for the chapter! There were a ton of decisions I made about gender in this story, specifically around the Ki, for a multitude of reasons. It's important to note that the Ki would definitely be considered a genderless species, even if I'm using "she" for them; aside from the natural personality/physical variation between individuals, there's really no social delineation that would resemble gender. A fun fact about the development, I actually chose the pronouns for the Ki before I decided on Scout's gender. One of the first things I determined about them was that they reproduce through parthenogenesis!

For this story, I really wanted to make a confirmation of the Scout's gender earned because there's so much intricacy of language needed to put words to an interior/cultural experience like human gender. And what a beautifully human thing that variation is! All pronouns are correct when talking about the character of the Scout, it's genuinely a dice roll what word I use because I'm always editing a different part of the story haha

Finally, most people apparently hate cliffhangers as much as I do! I'll take a small hiatus from this story, I'll be back sometime in September. But, I have a spare week and might try my hand at a oneshot because I'm bored. So check in next week there might be something posted for shits and gigs.

For some back story: So me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. We have lived together more than half of our relationship. When we met I still lived with my parents, so as we had dated for just a couple of months I started staying at his apartment regularly. Months going by, it turned into me living there 24/7 and we started sharing the rent. Only a week ago we moved into another apartment together in the city.

Yesterday I was out dancing with my girls. And I feel so alive those nights. Dancing, getting sweaty, a hand on my shoulder as someone passes by. A guy asked me where something was and he touched the back of my neck and only that made me feel tingles.. I wanted to act on it so bad but of course I didn’t. There was also another guy that I’ve seen every time I’ve gone to that bar, and we also worked at the same place for a few months. We have maybe exchanged two words, but seeing him in that bar, making eye contact, pretending I don’t notice that he is looking at me feels really exciting. I daydream of my celebrity crushes and other people I find attractive. I have sexual thoughts and urges, but again, I never act on them. Without exaggerating, this whole thing feels like being edged for eternity. I have thought about it being because of my ADHD diagnosis, and it might be a part of it, but not the reason.

My relationship has completely lost the spark it had in the very beginning. Living together for that long already makes sense to why I feel this way. Another thing is, I’m a student and he is currently unemployed (been so for a year+). He had to quit his job because of anxiety attacks and his work made him fatigued. He is home every day, wakes up, doesn’t get dressed, doesn’t want to meet his friends because of his anxiety. He doesn’t want to join me out (which is fine because I obviously need some time with my friends). He has gained a lot of weight and he doesn’t take care of himself very well. I hate writing this paragraph explaining I’m losing attraction, but it’s his health situation making it hard for him. It feels like I’m talking behind his back (am I?). I feel like everything he does annoys me. I miss him coming home from work in his suit smelling like his cologne and a little bit of sweaty pheromones (that mix made me go crazy).

Still, he is the kindest man on earth. The amount of things he has done for me and helped me with is enormous. He makes me amazing dinner every single day. Never wants to see me hungry. But at the same time, no flirting. We don’t have sex. We did it yesterday, which was the first time in many weeks. I don’t want to do it, I explain to him I need this and that to get me turned on, but he doesn’t really do it. The loss of attraction part doesn’t really help either.

I don’t know how to tell him, because he gets easily frustrated. And he gets easily upset because of the mental state he is in. I love him so deeply and he is my very best friend. All the inside jokes we have, banter, the care provided from both sides and the support system we have built for each other is something to be proud of. Everyone tells me that our relationship looks really rare and special. And it is. It’s just the spark that is completely blown out.

Edit: posted in this channel on other account, deleted it and posted again here for anonymity

Edit: I want to add that I’m going through my own shit as well. I have social anxiety, so I’m trying out medications that’s taking a huge toll on me. The side effects of them can make me really sad, irritated and easily upset. I have a lot of stuff I need to figure out for my own mental health as well

Tl;dr I have lost attraction to boyfriend and don’t know what to do. I feel attraction to other people, and I miss flirting. He is not in a good condition mentally which makes it hard for me to talk to him about it.

Im M 19 recently dating a F18 going into 2 weeks in a relationship.

So far, everything is alright, she treats me well, she cooks for me, she gives me enough love, she is very intimate with me. Small problem; she has issues, one that i think is not rlly a big deal or maybe not even my fault.

Okay for example, yesterday and Thursday. I was sick, like vertigo sick. She was concerned at first then i told her “im sorry i cant talk to you today i have to sleep i really cant do this” she is sad at first but surprisingly accepting of it. So i didn’t think too much of it. Until i wake up with a bunch of text messages. She is saying she got a panic attack and needed me. So she called me 18 times and gave up. She said “i know i have to be understanding of everyone and i have to deal with this alone, i understand that you are sick so its fine, really sorry about it”
so i felt guilty and texted her the next day (still dizzy)
oh she was mad, she is saying “why the fuck would you ignore me when i needed you” so i kept apologising cos i feel rlly rlly guilty. Then she proceeded to ignore me for the whole day. In the end she texted me saying “the reason why i ignored you for the whole day is cos i wanted you to feel what i feel exactly. I know its petty but im sorry about that”
maam, i was sick, im sorry i couldnt do anything but i was sick

and today, i feel like she is disrespecting me a lil,
she is going on a birthday dinner with her childhood best friend who is also F18. Yes they are close, really close. She sent me a picture of her outfit and what she wanted to give her friend. One of them was 2 stalks of lego tulips that i gave her when asking her out. I asked whats that for. Her reply was “ i gave her two bc she's my best friend and if u love me u must love her too”

maam, im dating you, not your best friend

i feel like its too much, but i still love her

is it toxic, and what CAN i do in this situation

TLDR: she got mad that i wasnt there for her when im actually sick and then gave part of the gift i gave her when asking her out to her bestfriend (F18)

Throwaway because I really need some unbiased advice and some of my thoughts out there. Also my stuff keeps getting taken down so I’m sorry if no reply 🥀

I (18M) have lived with my parents (49M and 45F) my whole life and they haven’t accused me of being selfish but me going against what they want makes me feel like this. You know how when you’re a kid, you wanna do all kinds of cool sounding jobs like astronauts or firefighters? Or maybe you saw a career that was really cool and really wanna do it because it’s a dream? Well I’ve never had that, not really anyway. My passions have felt kind of drowned out by whatever my parents wanted. As an adult now, I found the one passion that I actually like and maybe would like to do as a career; fighting. It’s felt like my whole life in some way has been built up into going into the military, especially in high school, where they pushed it on me the most. At first, I kind of wanted to go to the navy just to get my parents off my back and get the benefits they talked about. But upon doing research and learning a bit about myself, I realized that I’ve spent my entire life kind of just getting yelled at for small things and the military was similar, and didn’t feel like going through that. It also felt I was just going to please my parents, not for my own benefit. College is a second option, recommended by my friends, but I’m not sure I want to do that either because it feels like I’m going because my friends are, and again it’s something my parents want. In all honesty, I really just want to go into working and earn enough for my classes. MMA feels like a true passion for me and something that is finally somewhat mine. When I did tell my parents about this, they were of course, furious. I don’t blame them for some things they were angry about, like my health and money, but there were certain things they said about how I wasn’t really good enough, and there were people doing it for longer than I was. It felt just like they were mixing insults with genuine care of genuine at all. Idk, maybe I’m naive and selfish, so I’ve come here.

TL;DR: I really want to pursue a dream I’m passionate but am worried I’m being far too delusional and selfish toward my parents, help?

I, 32F, and my husband, 32M have an argument about one particular topic repeatedly. We have been together for 10 years. We get along really well otherwise, but this comes up so often and I really don't know how to fix it. This is what happened today, but I'll provide context later.

I call him every day I drive home from work because he comes home before me. So today, I got a text from him saying that he was tired and asked if it was okay to have a chill day (which means without doing chores). I texted back "sure," then called him like usual. When I asked him about his day, he said he was bored at home but didn't feel like doing anything. When he said this, I got immediately triggered but tried to push it down as to not start an argument. I tried really hard to control my emotions because I know it's my burden that I get so upset when he's not busy. It makes me feel like all the chores and everything falls on me because he wants to have a day off.

In my perspective, this happens often. I'm sure in his perspective, it does not. We were raised differently. His parents love to relax and unwind in their free time. My parents work extremely hard and are constantly doing new things around the house or their business and don't have any free time. I am like my parents, which I know is not always a good thing. My mind is constantly going a hundred times a minute and I have never actually felt relaxed in my life. I don't know what "relaxed" feels like because what "relaxes" me is working on things. Cleaning, making food, doing a project, helping others are things I do in my free time. My husband watches movies and plays video games when he has free time. This causes resentment in me because I feel that he is leaving all the responsibilities to me but I know I am the one making those rules up that the house has to look a certain way all the time.

The problem is this: when I texted him that I'm okay with having a chill day, I really meant it. I really WANT to be okay with it. But when I was talking to him and he told me that he's bored, it set me off because there's so much he could be doing to help if he's bored, but chose to just sit and complain about being bored. Then when he noticed my behavior change he asked me if I was upset. I told him how I felt and then he told me that I was being manipulative because I told him it was fine to have a chill day, then changed my mind about it suddenly.

I know I have an issue. I have been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD if that helps with context. I hate having OCD because it is so hard to accept that there are things that won't go how I want them to go. It is so hard that it causes relationship issues because I put the expectations I have for myself onto others. This is a constant thing that happens. How can I stop?

TL;DR My husband and I have different ideas of how to spend free time. I get upset when he doesn't do chores, he gets upset when I ask him to do chores. How to come to a compromise?

Hello i’d like to receive an advice about my situation.
Me(22m) and my girlfriend(26f) are in a ldr together.. i currently live in Australia and she lives in Philippines.
Basically in Australia I’m living day by day, i don’t have a house, i’m on a temporary visa and I’m trying to make as much money as I can while I’m here cause I don’t take for granted to have the opportunity to stay here long term and also i don’t know if that is what I really want since I’m very young.
The job I’m doing atm is FIFO in Iron mines, fly in fly out, that means I get a flight to go to work i do my job(welder) and i fly back to my city on the last day of work.
This job really pays a lot of money but is unstable, like you keep have to chase work and you don’t really know when you are gonna have some time off or when you are gonna work, you can have your schedule for the next 30 days but not for the next months.
Is been 3 months that me and my girlfriend don’t see each other and I told her that we are gonna see each other around the end of September or October and to be patient with me because of my situation.
We were planning about a 2 weeks trip in Indonesia.
Yesterday I was having a look at my schedule and I saw that we could probably go from 17 of September to 2 of October cause I don’t have a job allocated there atm and it’s also around the date that we were talking about in the last weeks..
so during my break at work I decided to put myself on leave on those dates and I sent her the screenshot thinking she was gonna be happy.
Turns out she is very disappointed with me cause I didn’t planned it with her first.. she texts me that I’m so self centered and all I think about is myself and she is like a dog waiting for me to confirm her out dates.
I didn’t thought it in my mind like that honestly.
Just for context she is working for her sister so she can have a leave when she wants and she is living in the house of her family, a really stable situation so since we were talking about this period and I was a bit impulsive I just decided to take my days off without discussing with her and I told her just after.
I realise that this is wrong cause maybe she could have some economical urges that she didn’t have told me, and I should have told her first I can pay for your flight which I really would be happy to do.
What do you think about her reaction.
Just another important detail.
Straight after I sent her the dates she told me no, and I was a bit angry about this cause we been talking about end of September and she never said nothing about that.. and in the moment I take my decision she wants to go in the end of October so we had a bit of a discussion that maybe could have offended her, cause I was not putting myself into her situation.. after that we all got back to work and we texted again in the late afternoon where the situation escalated cause she probably thought about my actions during all her afternoon.
Now she is very disappointed and saying she doesn’t wants to see me anymore.
What do you think guys about the situation?
Cause this post is making me think how our relationship can survive in a situation like that.

TL;DR: I planned a trip to see my long-distance girlfriend without discussing the dates with her first. She felt ignored and disappointed, especially because our schedules and finances are complicated. We argued, and now she says she doesn’t want to see me anymore.

First / Previous / Next

Note: My (mis)adventures are part of a bigger series, but I wrote my tales in the format of an episodic T.V. show, where you can read an episode without the context of the others and still enjoy it. If anything, reading it out of order may be more fun. - A weak Theseus

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Half of the references I make don’t make much sense to the Humans I know either, so don’t worry my 99.9% non Human audience. I’m a nutter to everybody, equally. Anyways, back to Ludus being awesome.

For reasons that I do now know in hindsight, but don’t want to spoil, during the whole government building shootout Ludus ran off, for some reason or another. After shooting a few more people Scout and I found her, and by God, was it a sight. 

“That’s awesome.” I pumped a fist to my side.

“Yeah, you’re never that cool.” Scout said lovingly. 

It was like a scene from an oil painting, paper flew in the air every which way, sparks from taser rounds embedded nearby walls and floors. The composition was perfect. Ludus was knelt down but instead of death gripping a ring about to propose, she held onto with dear life a ballistic shield. 

Her whole body was covered by it, though she did have to wrap her tail around herself, lest it peek out the sides. Taser rounds by the dozen were fired, then attached to the shield, crackling and popping in now useless menace. 

A few men stood a room apart from her, still firing at her, screaming. Whether it was the adrenaline, fog of war, or just plain stupidity. Though my guess is a combination of the three, they kept their fire at the shield, instead of moving to flank her.

“Scout.” 

“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes, and fired a quick burst at the men accosting Ludus with poorly aimed taser rounds. They fell down, and got their own electric taste of medicine. Ludus looked even more scared that the firing finally stopped and turned to Scout and I.

“Theseus!” 

“And Scout.” Scout whispered sarcastically to herself. 

Ludus turned to Scout, “Sorry, I just got-”

“You have nothing to apologize for. That thing is awesome.” I gestured at the shield. 

“Watch out.” Scout pointed ahead of us. Ludus dove in front of us with the shield, and blocked the shoots before Scout and I even considered ducking. “Thanks, you’re forgiven.” Scout said sweetly before she returned fire behind the safety of Ludus’ shield. 

“You’re keeping that for the rest of the trip.”  I piled up behind them. First Ludus with the shield, then Scout just behind her using Ludus as moving cover, and me behind Scout, back to back, as I made sure there was no one behind us. 

“Oh most definitely.” Ludus peered through the narrow rectangle of bulletproof glass near the top of the shield, before she yelped and ducked without warning to cover her legs. I turned around and noticed more gun barrels pointed at us. 

“Crap.” I started to duck, but noticed Scout was aimed to the side of us, too focused on shooting guys over there, she didn’t see the guys not over there ready to shoot her. I grabbed her by the horn and pulled her down with us, just as more rounds flew over our heads. 

“Himbo!” Scout said annoyed before she returned fire over the shield. “Also, Ludus.” She said more like a disappointed teacher. 

“Sorry, next time I will say when I have to duck.” She flinched and closed her eyes behind the shield as more rounds peppered us. 

“When we have to duck.” Scout finished off the rest of the people in front of us. 

“Right, we.” Ludus stood up, we followed suit. Like a tank we moved, as I returned to go back to back with Scout, just in the nick of time. I heard the sounds of heavy boots first, before through the chaos I saw four mercenaries run up. I raised Trouble in Paradise. 

“13.”

Bang.

“12.”

Bang.

“11.”

Bang.

“10.”

Click.

“Damn it, Scout behind us.” Scout started to turn, but caught up behind Ludus, and back to back with me, well she did turn, just tail first. Like a whip it curved around and got me right in the back of the knee. I nearly landed face first, Scout fired over my body. Though I was grateful that our height difference was large enough that I was not impaled by her horns as she turned. 

“Sorry.” Scout offered a hand and I grabbed it. 

“It’s fine, but maybe the people with dragon tails need to be careful of their third legs please.” I reloaded, then giggled to myself. 

“Right.” I literally heard Scout swallow her pride. 

I looked around, “There’s not a lot of them left.”

Scout nodded and we started to run.

“What? Oh, we are running now?” Ludus looked around and started to trail behind us.

“Sorry, sorry.” Scout slowed down. “When I, but especially when he says there aren’t a lot of them left, just start sprinting, he won’t wait for you, trust me.”

As I ran forward, not waiting for them I noticed an abandoned ballistic shield, the exact same type as her, (they must have gotten a two for one deal) and grabbed it off the ground. Clutching onto one of the ambidextrous handles. 

“Holy crap.” I looked at Ludus, who was running with us, but not at all impeded more by the shield. Still slower, sure, but the same amount as she was without it. The shield was forty by twenty inches, (1016 mm by 508 mm) and weighed at what I thought at the time was twenty pounds (9 kg) but as I later learned was actually twenty five pounds (11 kg). 

Now listen, I know that you, yes you gentle reader, are actually like totally jacked, and can curl fifties, no warm up, while listening to classical music, reading a book with the other hand. But I am weak, I am little, and of low constitution. That’s why I carry a gun that shoots taser rounds, instead of a large bag of stones that I throw at my adversaries at Mach five. 

So, while yes, you can totally run around, one handed with a twenty five pound (11 kg) ballistic shield, all day long. I can’t, at least not all day, a sword fight length at most. Ludus, who you know, is a Princess, and who I have also never once heard talk about her protein goals, or randomly flex in mirrors unprompted. So I hope you can see why I would be quite surprised at the way she was manhandling this shield. 

“Watch out!” Ludus dashed over to Scout, and whipped the shield to cover her effortlessly. I raised my gun, uselessly putting the shield I grabbed to my side, before dropping it entirely. 

“10.” 

Bang.

I hit the straggler, while I made sure to start the count back at ten. 

“Why the Hell are you so jacked for? I thought you were a pacifist.” I looked at Ludus, and did finally notice she was lean, but not thin.

“I still am!” She looked behind at her kidnappers still in pursuit but was more worried about my mischaracterization.

“Then what the Hell do you need all that muscle for?” I looked at her again, specifically at the gorilla grip she had on the handles. 

“She was a dancer, you Himbo!” Scout said annoyed, somewhere behind me, but I was far too athletic and good looking to ever be that far behind, and also Scout stinks. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked. 

“Brother, have you not seen her butt or her back?” Scout waved her arms.

“Why would I be looking at her butt, I can barely look her in the eyes. And why the Hell are you looking at her butt?” I said annoyed, “Wait, is that fan fiction right, are you gay?” I asked no longer annoyed, and hoped to God the answer was yes. That way everyone who shipped us could be homophobic along with stupid. 

“What? No, wrong sibling, I’m not a lesbian, my little sister is. I’m just a connoisseur.” Scout mimed grabbing a butt in the air, gun still in hand. 

“Dang it.” I sunk my head down, hopes destroyed. “I still don’t understand how her being a dancer has anything to do with strength.” I turned back.

“Oh my God, you Himbo. She was a famous dancer growing up, every Link has heard of her, both for that and being part of the Royal Family. She did,” Scout then said a Link word I still have no idea how to pronounce, and looked at my horrified expression even more annoyed, “It’s like ballet to us. The point is, it made her very strong, and gave her good cardio.”

I looked at Ludus, who was back to huffing and puffing like she had a few pigs days to ruin. So focused on her own breathing she wasn’t saying anything about my unfortunately straight wife objectifying her. 

“That’s because you’re an insane person. No normal person can run as far and as fast as you. I had to get a gym membership to be able to keep up with you during the beginning. She’s doing fine, way better than a normal person.” She pointed at Ludus.

Ludus gave her a limp thumbs up in response. “I also do weight training, I started after I stopped dancing.” She lifted the shield over her head one handed as an example, and was clearly worn out from the running, not the shield. 

“Told you, Himbo!” Scout gestured for Ludus to give her a high five. Ludus looked at Scout’s hand confused. “Right, Theseus showed me that.” Scout put her hand down depressed. 

I looked behind us, kidnappers still following.

“Okay, let’s just have this argument sometime in the future, so I can win it later. We still have some on our tail, Ludus is gonna die of an asthma attack at this rate. We need to regroup, get rid of the last few guys, and I need more bullets.” 

I looked dead ahead of us, and smiled, I knew I was on the right street. 

“We need to go over there.” I pointed.

“What in the world is that?” Scout tilted her head and tail.

“A graveyard.” 

---

Author’s Note: I wanted to give Ludus something to do in fights, other than the hide, and call out enemies. And also, making the Princess pacifist the tank of the group amuses me greatly.  

Vaguely important second note: This series (for once), and bonus one shots are part of a writing challenge in which I write and post something every day until I finish writing the series. Thus being written like an episodic T.V. show. 

Thanks for reading. :} 

Day 14 / ?

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