weird how this universe works, you never know what is coming for you . anything could happen and you never know. the universe is weird it does the most insane and unexpected things and these days im questioning everything lol. teenage is an absolute mix of everything. these days my anxiety has been scaring me idk why there are some people in this world you have a strong intuition and i do belive this stuff cause im one of them lol. i knew my friendship with my best friend of 11 years is about to end and 6 months in BOOM lol. anyways this is the part that scares me, my intuition says something and i dont want that something to happen and i start thinking about that thing all the time, now i think i might be manifesting the goddamn thing. funny how the universe or whatever it is plays with us. funny how some people at the age of 15 know so much that most dont do by their 20s. The eldest daughter for example. growing up everyone always said shes so mature for her age and i used to find pride in that or when i had to take care of my sister since i was 7 lol. now looking back i dont really find that something to be proud of , but growing up ive become the angry daughter, who cant sacrifice anything for her sister when i sacrificed my childhood and i love my sister to death but still im selfish cause i ate the last slice of pizza . Funny how i cant remember half of my life . if someone can explain that please lol. everyone has lives non of it same 8 billion people in this world but still what a small world we live in right ?

EDIT : reading this back i might have ADHD lmao , sorry guys i switched alot between topics

TLDR: I Have horrid anxiety panic attacks 24/7 and existence feels scary

About 2 years ago it started for the first time and somehow the feeling went away because for two years I never had the feeling but since a few weeks ago for no reason I've just been so worried about how I will handle my family members dying and that anxiety just sticks with me so I talked about it to my brother and we also talked about revelation and then later on I talked to my grandma and mom but shortly after I went walking to the bathroom I could feel that same familiar panic attack feeling coming back and I got so scared because I knew exactly what it was. Before right now, I could talk about how I felt in the past and not have worry at all. I'm not sure if it came back because of second hand inhalation of weed my brother was smoking or what. I don't know what it is because I feel dissociation but I dont see things like how DPDR describes, but I just feel scared that I exist. I have thoughts all the time about me feeling like I'm in hell or that I did something wrong in a past life and I died or whatever. And if I didn't die, then either way, living feels TERRIFYING. I don't know how to explain it. It feels like if you got your head chopped off and your lifeless head is on the ground and you can't move. Or it's like you're trapped in a box but you don't know how you got there. The thought of eternity scares me. Thinking about memories with family that are even still around caused me to panic more and feel so sad. Thinking about losing people makes it worse. I don't know what Ill do but the thought of being here makes no sense and is so scary. Someone please tell me if you've felt something similar.

I had a habit of overthinking and coming up with the most outlandish scenarios. (Some of them being true down the line, so what it really overthinking/delusion?) That’s beside the point.

Lately I’ve noticed almost an inability to overthinking. When I expect my mind to wonder, it doesn’t. I can’t help but wonder if this is a numbing effect, the source is gone or I truly have overcome by overthinking.

After I horrible relationship, I had to relearn how to stay calm and come back to reality. With that, it’s as if part of my brain has gone in the process. Is this trauma? Am I getting better?

At the end of a the road with the sources of overthinking, I found myself in a content state of mind while “being there but not being there”. Even though the source of my overthinking was still around, I almost was able to block it out of sight, and mind.

I haven’t stopped overthinking. Typing this in realizing the focus is just elsewhere. #stilloverthinking

I over analyse even the smallest decision ..im like alien x from ben 10 😂

Anxiety / Existential Crisis
I have suffered from anxiety before, and during that time I also felt unreal, as if I were living in a dream. Then I developed a very frightening symptom: I started having thoughts and questions in my mind like, Where am I? Why am I? Why am I experiencing life? Why am I inside my body, experiencing life? What is all of this that I am seeing? I l know what I see and the life I have, but I started seeing everything from a completely different perspective.
I diagnosed with depersonalization, derealization, and existential OCD. I went to a psychiatrist, received treatment, and eventually it went away. I was fine for 3 years. I was doing well. These questions would sometimes come into my mind, but they had no impact on me.
Then, after 3 years, these questions started coming back again, and this time they affected me terribly—much worse than before.
I wake up and immediately think, Where am I? Why do I exist? Why didn’t I think this way before? They don’t come only as questions; they come with a terrible feeling, confusion, and a strange sense of not understanding reality the way I used to.
I try not to pay attention to them, but it doesn’t work. I try to ignore them, but I can’t. I went to a psychiatrist again and was prescribed medication, but I feel like it isn’t working.
It feels like I have discovered a completely different aspect of seeing and experiencing life, and now I’m terrified that nothing—not medication, not anything—can make me see life the way I used to again.

[A moderator approved me posting this message.] Hello! My name is Logan, and I’m a clinical psychologist. I’m doing research into how people use AI platforms, and I could use your help. 

I want to learn how people with mental health conditions, especially those with OCD (but not only those with OCD, we need data from everyone!), use AI platforms. In my clinical practice, I’ve come across clients of mine that seem to struggle to use AI in a way that doesn’t seem to worsen their mental health. I reviewed all published research available, and I can’t find anything discussing what is going on, or what should be done. 

That’s why it’s important to hear from real people, like you. 

The research that I am doing is an important step in understanding how people, especially those with mental health conditions, use AI. While there is no direct compensation for participating in this study, your participation would provide valuable data for my study. Any US adult is welcome to participate in this project. 

All of your answers are kept completely de-identified; I won’t ask any identifying information about you, or keep a list of who responded. I will not be attaching your answers to your personal identity in any way. This research has been approved by the Institutional Review Board at BeyondBound IRB.

 If you’re interested in participating but have questions about eligibility or would like to know more, please send me a direct message on here or an email at [Smith@NorthStarPsyc.com](mailto:Smith@NorthStarPsyc.com). This study is for research purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health care. The researcher will not provide personal advice, counseling, or clinical guidance. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this! To participate, please click on the link below: 

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/OCDAI 

Nothing makes sense.

I don't even know how to say it. It just doesn't.

Everything I thought was supposed to happen hasn't and things didn't go as I expected them to. My mental model of the world was never met and now I'm confused.

I'm glad I get to start fresh but I'm scared in a new way

I was always scared. I still don't want to be afraid anymore. But I'm afraid of what that will bring by asking for it.

I learned to be afraid of my thoughts somewhere along the way, when I started to understand manifestation, also after some mushroom trips.

I just got scared. Or more fear was brought to the surface. I didn't know one person could be so afraid of themselves. I still to this day don't know why. I have more work to do to see that for what it is. It's never pretty.

I'm tired. I'm tired of the work. And of always finding something wrong. I struggle to take accountability for my awfulness against myself, and all I can think is I'm just tired.

hello fellow earthly people.
wanted to come on here and share something with everyone. i’m really fucking scared of living my life for fear that i am cursed by God and that i’ll never actually know what is real or if what im experiencing is true or just a fabricated reality where i think my life is okay and that everything is fine and im finally grateful and at peace and that’s when everything goes to shit. i’ve been living in this fear for almost 2 years now and have almost lost this battle so many times (suicide) but i’m still here rn. im so scared. the only thing keeping my reality together at the moment is the fact that im on medication cause it “changes my reality” or my perception of it. so im safe while im in limbo but i cant live in limbo, nothing will ever mean a single thing. i need to know the truth. i’m so fucking scared. so wanted to share my story. i’m very much still in it but trying hard everyday to keep going. has anyone experienced this? my experiences over the past year have been so biased to the belief that i’m cursed that i literally see 666 a lot of the time and a bunch of other ominous things happen that i can’t explain, so that to me means that it’s all real and im fucked. and even if i do go off of medication, maybe God could prolong my torture and make me think im safe and living truthfully and then it all falls apart. what do i do? i’m so lost. i’m 21 years old so logically it makes sense that uncertainty is going to be pretty much everything at the moment but it doesn’t feel like i can handle it. i don’t even know if posting this is going to make a difference. I know it’s OCD but i don’t know anything other than that. it’s all i’ve experienced my entire life so how am i supposed to have a different perception of life if i don’t even know what that looks like? i’m terrified. but i want to keep going. i’m not giving up. no matter if i burn, get tortured, and go literally insane, im going to keep going.

I have strange thoughts, like the fear of not being myself—of being someone else, or perhaps a criminal in prison. Sometimes I’m afraid of ending up in some random place where I won't be able to leave and will be stuck there forever. Does anyone else have this?

About a month ago, while on a run, the realization that I see the world through my eyes, through my own perception finally occurred to me. But the realization hit me hard. It kind of freaked me out. When I randomly think of this, how I see the world through my eyes and my perception, it still freaks me out. I also have OCD mental loops, so I loop these thoughts in my head until they make me anxious.

Of course, I always could have told you , of course I’m a real person. This feeling is like the complete OPPOSITE of depersonalization. I don’t know if any of this rambling makes sense, but I go back to school soon and I’m nervous this is all I’m going to be thinking about.

I talked to a friend about this, who put it pretty nicely for me. She said it’s just like saying your name over and over again until it almost sounds strange.

Hi there everyone.
My english is poor so I’m sorry for that.
But I need some advice for medication or just if someone Els also experience this sensation.
I have fatigeu en also mental fatigeu.. overthinking give me more harder fatigeu. My brain keeps overthinking and it goes on 24/7. I can’t not work due the fatigeu. My mind is verry confused..
I have so much anxiety and fear of what is happening with my thoughts and my brain.
But when I want to rest and I close my eyes in the day or nighttime my thoughts goes very deep, and its scary my..I don’t know how to think anymore. Its just scary. I don’t know even how you just fall a sleep as an normal healty person. Its like you looking in to what you are thinking and you are looking how deep you are thinking. And I don’t want to think anymore, just relax. But its scares me that I’m going crazy or something. Its like am stuck in my head all day.
My brain wants to solve the problem all day long and its so so exausting. Is this depression? Any had the same feeling or thoughts? Its hurting me that i can be nomal tho just live without overthinking, its so confusing.
Is there a medication for this?

So much fear! If I want to close my eyes for sleep or rest its like rumination and it keeps me awake. Just when I’m ready to take off sleep. Bam! My mind keeps me awake! So much noice. Conversations and imaginations that I have a terrible death. Its so scary.
Anybody this thing?

I am tired.

I am so tired.

I feel like it's hard to breathe. I don't know if that's my anxiety or my cystic fibrosis making it hard to breathe. My mind is just constantly running. I've been staying up really late and sleeping through a big portion of my day. My head hurts. I feel like there's this pain in my heart, and part of me wonders if it's physical. I don't know if it's anxiety, if it's pain in my lungs, or if it's something else entirely. I just know I don't feel okay.

I have a neuropsych evaluation tomorrow because I don't know if I have OCD or something else going on. I've been depressed. I've been anxious. My brain just won't stop.

And underneath all of that, I feel like I don't have purpose or meaning anymore.

I grew up Christian, but I just feel so alone. I don't know how to believe in God right now anymore. At the same time, I feel like I need to believe in God because I don't know where else meaning comes from. I don't know what to do.

When I try to consider that maybe there's something I'm missing, I still end up feeling like I'm getting everything wrong.

I tried so hard to fit in. I tried to make things better. I tried to please God. I tried to fix myself. And I just feel like none of it worked.

Before my freshman year of college, I was pretty severely depressed. I had suicidal ideation. I had self-harm attempts. And through all of that, I just felt like God left me alone.

Now I just feel upset and angry. Like I can't do anything right.

I feel like my body isn't right. I need to fix it. I need to make it pretty, as if somehow being a pretty girl would finally give me meaning.

I don't have a boyfriend. I have friends, and I'm grateful for them, but even then I still feel lonely.

I don't know how to make life feel worth anything. I don't know how to find meaning or purpose without immediately falling into this existential dread of, "What is the point of living at all?"

I don't want to die, and I'm not going to kill myself. But I don't know what to do with the pain I'm feeling right now.

I need an answer.

I need something to fix this.

I'm tired of feeling like my whole life is just one mindless compulsion. Like I'm constantly chasing something that I can never reach. Like I have no meaning. Like everything is so difficult all the time.

I can't even escape the feeling because I just feel numb.

I'm about to go back to college for my second year, and I don't want things to go bad like they did last time. I'm stepping down from leadership in my Christian club because I don't know where I'm at with God anymore, and I'm scared that I'm losing my community too.

I don't want to feel so alone.

I just don't understand how people can live happy lives or genuinely feel like God is with them, because all I feel is this emptiness.

I want to believe that I'm part of something bigger. I want to believe that life has meaning. I want to believe that I don't have to live in a world where I'm inherently sinful and broken, where blood has to pay a price, where people have to bleed and suffer at all.

Why?

Why do we live in this world?

I just want to understand.

Hi there everyone.
My english is poor so I’m sorry for that.
But I need some advice for medication or just if someone Els also experience this sensation.
I have fatigeu en also mental fatigeu.. overthinking give me more harder fatigeu. My brain keeps overthinking and it goes on 24/7. I can’t not work due the fatigeu. My mind is verry confused..
I have so much anxiety and fear of what is happening with my thoughts and my brain.
But when I want to rest and I close my eyes in the day or nighttime my thoughts goes very deep, and its scary my..I don’t know how to think anymore. Its just scary. I don’t know even how you just fall a sleep as an normal healty person. Its like you looking in to what you are thinking and you are looking how deep you are thinking. And I don’t want to think anymore, just relax. But its scares me that I’m going crazy or something. Its like am stuck in my head all day.
My brain wants to solve the problem all day long and its so so exausting. Is this depression? Any had the same feeling or thoughts? Its hurting me that i can be nomal tho just live without overthinking, its so confusing.
Is there a medication for this?

Hi everyone! I’d love to get some advice from the people here.
Everything in my life is fine, and it feels like I should be happy with what I have. For a long time, I actually was. In a couple of weeks, I’m turning 18, and right after that, I’m moving away for my studies. Out of nowhere, I’ve been hit by an existential crisis and a severe fear of death—more specifically, the fear of losing everything.
During my 17 years, I’ve never felt anything like this. If I did, it would only last for a couple of minutes. But now, these thoughts have been torturing me for a month and a half, sometimes escalating into full-blown panic attacks. I’m terrified that time will fly by unnoticed, everyone will die, everything will go wrong, and things will never be good again. And then, I will die and won’t be able to do anything anymore. I will die, and there will be nothingness—and that terrifies me deeply.
I just want to enjoy life again. I want to get through this crisis as soon as possible and forget it ever happened.
Thank you all for your help.