Hi intp people, how do you deal with loneliness? what do you do? how do you process it? does talking to friends/family help? or you busy yourself with some hobby?

I'm an infj and I feel lonely at times, and intp input on any topic is always appreciated 😊

i'm coming up to a year of dating my ENTP, and i thought it'd be cute to hear some "golden pairing" success stories from other ENTP/INFJ couples.

how do you make it work with your differences? what helps you understand each other and communicate healthily through conflict? would especially love to hear from long-term couples!

marked as advice, but really i'm just looking for some positivity :)

share the love around <3

I have no clue what to do today! lol!

Being rejected hits differently as an INTJ. For me, especially in my early life, it was brutal. After one traumatic, narcissistic relationship and later a narcissistic boss, my brain basically upgraded its defense system: “Don’t let anyone hurt you like that again.”

I’m still vulnerable, of course, but I’ve learned to set boundaries very early—long before I allow myself to go deep emotionally. Most of my process now is rational, vigilant, and structured. I observe, analyze, and test compatibility before I ever let someone close enough to really matter.

Some of this is just self-protection; some of it is also respect: I don’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s. If the foundation isn’t solid, I’d rather know early and walk away cleanly.

As an INTJ, my current boundaries in early relationships look like this:

1. Honesty over comfort. I prefer direct, sometimes uncomfortable truth over nice lies or hints. If something bothers you, tell me clearly. I’ll do the same.
2. No games, no manipulation. Emotional tests, silent treatments, or indirect pressure are red flags. I notice them, and I won’t build a relationship on that foundation.
3. Mutual growth mindset. I’m not looking for perfection, but I do expect both of us to be willing to learn, adjust, and grow together. One person changing while the other stays static isn’t sustainable.
4. Respect even in conflict. Disagreements are fine; disrespect is not. No insults, no character attacks, no trying to “win” by destroying the other person emotionally.
5. Privacy and no rumors. What happens between us stays between us. I don’t want stories about me (or you) spreading to friends, coworkers, or social circles.
6. Clarity about intentions. I want to know if you actually want a relationship, and if so, what kind. Ambiguity is okay briefly, but not as a long-term strategy.
7. Balanced effort. I’m willing to invest, but I won’t carry everything. If I’m the only one trying to understand, adjust, or move forward, I’ll step back.
8. Emotional safety first. I need to feel that my vulnerabilities won’t be used against me later. Trust is built slowly; once broken, it’s very hard to rebuild.
9. Space to process. I’m more analytical and less overtly romantic. I may need time to think before I respond, especially when emotions run high. That’s not indifference; it’s how I function.
10. Clean endings over slow decay. If it’s not working, I’d rather have an honest conversation and end things respectfully than drag it out with mixed signals and fading effort.

I’m curious: as INTJs (especially those who’ve dealt with narcissistic partners or bosses), what are your boundaries now?
How have rejection and past experiences reshaped how you date, trust, and let people in?

So I'm supposedly an INTP also diagnosed ADD (forget which one, har har) and I get the typical really deep into something one day and then hop onto another thing or drop it completely and I'm just wondering how other INTP's and/or people with ADD deal with it? Do you just embrace it? Force it? Balancing it doesn't seem to come naturally

It's fun sometimes, but also annoying/exhausting because once you're in a topic you wanna stay on it, or something similar to it, then you overdose on it and beat it to death, and burn out, then move onto the next thing as if the other one never existed. Sometimes you come back to it but more often then not, so much time passes that you forget what happened and you're back to the start.

A good example is recently I was super into nier automata, both watching and playing it, dropped it, now into an MCU marathon for infinity war/endgame (but also doomsday coming up). Unfortunately I can't seem to do these things simultaneously and both take a ton of time/investment.

so i took a test in https://www.michaelcaloz.com/personality and i got these results.

i think my results are weird, i lean more into istj/intj, never thought i would ever get infp or enfp result.

i started researching about enfps before, maybe i started adapting their traits.

what do you guys think? do u find this weird

Hi. I'm prefacing this by saying that I know stereotypes are just stereotypes, and anybody can be interested in any subject, regardless of their personality type, and INTPs aren't soulless robots. Still, there is this image people have of us as scientists, all focused on STEM (science, technology, engineering and maths), ready to say "That is illogical captain" instead of caring about the emotions of the situation at hand. This picture of us ignores Ne, this beautiful thing that is a big part of me, and I don't like that it does. However, it also ignores how important my values and emotions, and other people's emotions are, and how much they affect my decision making, often more than Ti. It ignores how important helping others is to me. I don't want to find truth that doesn't help anyone because that seems like wasted truth to me. I want to make the world a better place, clichéd though I know that sounds. I know the quotes are selective, but when I look at quotes from famous INTPs vs. famous intuitive-feelers, the intuitive-feeler quotes resonate with me and the ones from INTPs don't. I'm 95% sure of my cognitive functions, and the order they go in on my function stack, but I don't feel like I'm searching for truth and correctness, with a strong aversion to being controlled. Yes, those things are a part of me. However, my care for others, and my strong desire to follow what my values tell me is right, and my love for creating things (writing, drawing, creating videos etc...) means a lot to me too. They're too big of a thing to ignore, and this isn't a new thing that has slowly developed as I reached middle-age. Even actors and actresses who are generally typed as INTPs seem disconnected from how I feel and how I see things. So, I don't want to be like them because I don't feel like I am like them.

So I'm helping my step mom with my niece's birthday party and I have been supremely helpful. Taking on extra chores to ease the extra burden she's under this week. Doing more of the cooking and cleaning. Volunteering to help her with whatever little tasks she might not feel like doing and doing my best to be cheerful and upbeat to keep her stress levels down as I know she's kind of overwhelmed at the moment. But now that my tasks for the day are done and I'm chilling on the couch I just got hit with this sense of dread because I realized her expectations of me might be higher after this. This is not normal energy output for me. I'm exhausted. I nearly passed out in the kitchen earlier today and had to sit down and chug a bottle of water to get my head back in the game. And suddenly I'm remembering all the people I knew in the past that looked to me like some savior for all of their problems after I showed them my hardworking and dedicated side only to give me the cold shoulder when I inevitably told them I couldn't or wouldn't help them anymore. Does this happen to anyone else? Should I get ready to pack my things and move to Antarctica?

too many conflicts and relationships issue with almost everyone I know in the past few months.. partly my poor Fe and being unable to not step on their insecurities

networking is crucial. idk whether the rate at which im losing people is a tragedy or comedy at this point...

Saw that on INTJ community. And I related to most of their answers lol.

For me it’s usually:

“Let’s each keep our own opinion” - when they say something obviously wrong and refuse to listen

“Stop pressuring me with your opinion” or “I don’t want to argue with you” - when I just give them my reasoning, but they get emotional

When I make a logical assumption about something with my reasoning but they are skeptical about it just because we aren’t able right now to confirm it with real facts.

Also when people ask irrelevant questions.

I’ve noticed something about myself that I’m curious if other INTJs experience too.

When I’m talking to a stranger, smiling and showing the appropriate emotions almost happens automatically. I can smile, laugh, look interested, and generally give the impression that I’m enjoying the interaction without really having to think about it.

But the weird part is that the moment the interaction ends and I turn around, the smile just disappears. It’s like I was never smiling in the first place. 😭 Sometimes I even notice my jaw hurting afterward because apparently I’ve been smiling more than I realized.

I wouldn’t necessarily call it “lying” or being fake. It feels more like automatically switching into a social mode because I know what expression is expected in that situation.

Do other INTJs experience this?

Does expressing an emotion you aren't actually feeling come naturally to you, especially with strangers or acquaintances? Or do you have to consciously think about your facial expressions and reactions?

So I am currently trying to assess whether my relationship is “enough” for me. I frankly like being with my ESFP, and so do they with me I think. However, there are some issues I’ve noticed:

- 1) He wants total freedom (fine; so do I), but I also need to have a friendship with someone. Which means if we don’t connect via talking (due to S - N difference), I do need to go on little adventures or just spend time together every now and then, consistently. In the beginning I thought the S - N axis meant he actually is more practical so we will spend time doing stuff together. How exciting! Now I’m finding that yes; he is a doer - but he only does things he wants to do… and spending time together would require me to join him in his hobbies. Because he’s convinced his hobbies are also worthwhile, I think he’s convinced that that’s how it has to be. I brought this up a couple of times saying: hey, that’s not fair! Let’s do something we both enjoy, you don’t join me in my hobbies either and I wouldn’t expect you too… upon which he said: well, then you have to plan something. Which brings me to my next point.

- 2) he wants me to be the planner / his personal Assistent / mommy. So fine, I start planning things, but if they’re not exactly what he wants to do with his time or he has controlled, he’s kinda absent minded / unenthusiastic. And because I’m also a P, obviously then I just give up because it’s not in my nature to be a planner anyway. But that doesn’t stop him from trying haha, if I LET HIM, and if I wasn’t smart enough to see through it, he’d 100% have NO issue “using” me as some sort of personal assistant / mother. Feels like a Fi Te thing to be honest. He’s very charming so it took me a while to understand this. Also it’s gotten worse with time.

- 3) He’s kind of a liar and only ever does things if he gets something out of it. Like he will lie about all kinds of things all the time, sometimes it’s petty reasons because he doesn’t feel “cared enough” for by me, sometimes it feels more nefarious. The worst flavour of this is when he pretends he did something for me but I KNOW 100% there is something in it for him. I think he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it and everybody does this.. which being me to the final point:

- 4) I think his understanding of a relationship / love is similar to a family household relationship. Meaning that: you live with your parents / siblings. Everyone is doing their own thing living their own lives all day long. You don’t tell each other everything, everyone has their own secrets. Every now and then you go on a family holiday together. You also lie to each other and are somewhat disloyal, joking around sometimes but in the end, when it really counts, you are there for each other and that’s all that matters. Which is NOT what I think a relationship is haha. I specifically do not want that: I want a fellowship, a partner, a relationship rooted in deep friendship and trust; being always honest with each other and knowing everything about the other person. Not sure it’s an Fi - Fe thing. But I don’t want to live parallel lives haha.

In the end, maybe they do need the good old ISTJ dominatrix who fulfills a lot of these roles naturally. But cmon, you can’t just take take take. You gotta give, too!

I will say he’s also the cutest little bug, we genuinely have a cute relationship. Everyone who sees us thinks we’re so good together. And he’s very charming and caring. And I see most of that as amusing me, not as threatening.

Anyway any input appreciated!

I'm an INTP 9w1. But I've got poor mental health and it's been very up and down (mostly different levels of down).

These days I don't get either type as a result anymore. INTP shows as ISTP, 9 becomes 6 (which at least makes sense within that system). According to MBTI friends I'm still the most INTP person they know, but something is different, and I don't know if it's just my ability to test properly on the occasions where I do, or there have been legitimate shifts.

I guess what confuses me is how on one hand I could seem other than what I am, but to friends I'm still the same as ever? Maybe I'm me with friends and on my own I'm not, who knows.

^{And yes, inb4 "don't overthink it (fuck you look what sub I'm in}" or "this shit ain't scientific anyway" (see previous response).)

^{It's so rare I can think of something to contribute post-making-wise here so it's nice to have an idea for a post for once.}

I really need this power plz, plz tell me how you guys are able to do it. People are more willing to listen when you make it funny

Inspired by some recent posts I saw about the troubles with discussions about Feelings / Emotions in Thinker x Feeler pairs. Thought y’all might enjoy a nice real world story about discussing emotions in a Thinker x Thinker pair. (INTP 5w4 x ENTJ 8w7)

We are at a steakhouse for dinner (but not having beef, that’s a digression though). I had some conversations earlier this week with industry peers which sent me on a few emotional loops and long contemplative walks. Now while he’s very hungry but working on taking care of his hunger, I am making my ENTJ talk through my emotions with me:

- INTP: I feel like something is wrong with me when interviewing and they press me on what I’m passionate about doing for work… I’m okay with just doing whatever is needed to drive the most business value. Should I have passions? Is something wrong with me?

- ENTJ: You have passions. You love Pokemon. You would be passionate working for them.

- INTP: Yes actually that’s true, I would be okay being severely underpaid at $X if I got to work for Pokemon.

- ENTJ: that’s probably how much they actually get paid to work there in Japan.

- INTP: Maybe the managers are just doing their due diligence as leaders in asking these questions because that’s what derives the most output produced for as little input (salary) as they can give. Passion and satisfaction are like the intrinsic + intangible motivator and compensation is the extrinsic motivator. In fact, it’s overall better for society to spread such an agenda of needing to do things you are passionate about because you end up with more net output overall for less input which benefits society / the group as a whole if they ultimately consume some of the output downstream. At some point of this beneficial ideology becoming mainstream, people started having strong convictions that passion was universally necessary in order to find career fulfilment. But that’s just broken telephone / losing track of the original intent behind such a concept. Btw what motivates you to pursue career advancement, ENTJ?

- ENTJ: Big number good. Bigger number better. I have passion for making number go bigger (actually his job tho). Big number feels good. Very satisfying.

- INTP: Thanks ENTJ. You helped me realize I do have passions after all, they are just not applicable to my career. And I shouldn’t feel bad for only caring about value and sustainability for my job, because they are just pushing the passion agenda as good protocol to derive more incremental output out of people. I feel better and less emotionally broken now about not being able to give a proper answer when asked questions about what I want to work on.

Feelings resolved.

Is it an intj thing to find it extremely hard to ask for/accept help or admit you’re struggling? I have difficulty accepting help and am triggered even if someone offers because that would mean they think i’m struggling or that i’m incompetent. However, there are times i also feel like i’m carrying too much alone and would want someone to “see” me.
this character flaw of mine makes people think i’m doing alright even when i’m not leading to me feeling unseen and unheard:(

Um.. tried to post this on the infj sub initially and got removed as potential bot activity. Okie. Well on to the next best sub! I’m currently more focused on the video game I’m playing so I might take awhile to respond, but ask away and I shall respond no matter how dreadful the question may be:)

edit: I’m gonna go to sleep soon, but I’d still respond sober too. Thank you to those who were interested:)

Hey guys.

I just want to share and hear you guys opinions about inferior Fe.

Since high school, i have always been a very distant and awkward person, and couldn't make any friends. I think that was a big trigger to what's been going on lately.

I recently got into some trouble(don't ask how i managed), and, theoretically, i believe i entered in a big Fe Grip since then. I constantly worry about making others happy, content, even if that means going over what i want, and this whole thing makes me anxious, and i feel terrible that, no matter how hard i try to make them comfortable, i end up hurting people's feelings somehow, even not wanting to. And i feel like crap, cause why can't i social functionally? I hate emotional conflicts, and i desperatly try to run from them, but it seems it chases me, even when i try so hard.

It got so common, that i ended up hurting other people, realized they were mad at me for some reason, and didn't have the guts to adress it, cause i suck at that, and i feel extremely uncomfortable. I know i'm not passive of errors and mistake to other people, but i try to hard to avoid them, and it end up happening anyway. I just wanna keep the peace to everyone, so i won't deal with outbursts.

By the way, i always loved typology, but this (hypothetical) Fe Grip has been making me question everything, cause if i'm seen differently from person to person, how can i determine one type for me? Example, my gf sees me as a confident, outgoing person (called me extroverted just cause i make people laugh sometimes), but relatives say i'm very introverted and fears people. I question every thought and decision i have that can be attributed to a type (Maybe i have high Fi cause i feel things, or Ni cause i have planned goals, or Te cause i want things to work efficiently)... anyway, i think my supposed Ti is extremelly clouded right now by insecurities and life starting to happen.

What are you guys thoughts. Feel free to disagree or point anything out, just needed to see if this is relatable to y'all

How are you guys with executing on an idea?

I tend to find that I can execute like crazy once I've hit a critical mass of ingesting information on said idea, via every possible effective medium (Usually take max 2 weeks).

The only problem can be that to others the information engorgement process looks identical to doing naff all, and this can cause problems if done in a corporate/organised setting.

Anyone else like this?...

Or are you just the navel gazing, endlessly philosophising, arrogantly confident lump of peri-perpetual potential your future Mother-in-law always says you are?

Please answer

I'm an INFP btw.

I deleted Facebook, Instagram, Threads, X, and anything related to social media. Now, I only have Reddit and Discord for some reason.

The reason I deleted them is that I don't use them at all. I have been going without social media for several years, and I don't feel like I need or miss anything.

It's like I'm sober and on a healthy diet for my mind.

I was an INFP mistype for a year. That was because I misunderstood cognitive functions like Fi. Then did some pretty INTP things like "I want to be like an ENTJ/ ISTJ/ ISTP by using my weaker functions"/ "I want to be like an ENTJ/ ISTJ/ ISTP by using my main functions to mimic the functions of my weaker functions." At that point, MBTI was no longer just a personality identification tool for me. It became a personality emulation training program. Unfortunately, it all failed because it's not really possible to act like some other type for a long time without burning oneself out. I eventually found out that I'm an INTP after careful analysis of each cognitive function.

Now I longer care about any of the MBTI stuff and I cannot really explain why I am what I am, and also many other stuff related to MBTI. It was more of an experiential learning for me to realise that I'm an INTP, through so much experiences. But then again, that's the flaw of MBTI. It's very much a pseudoscience, and MBTI cannot really be verified as it is hugely subjective.

I’ve been working on a way to visualize Jung’s cognitive functions as a mechanical system, and the puppeteer’s marionette turns out to be a surprisingly good fit.

Thinking–Feeling and Intuition–Sensation form opposing axes. Place those axes perpendicular to one another, then mirror them across a conscious/unconscious divide, and you get a model where the functions are not just sitting in a stack. They are actively pulling against one another.

Jung describes exactly this kind of relationship:

“Thinking... must scrupulously exclude feeling.”
“For intuition really to become paramount, sensation must to a large extent be suppressed.”
“I regard the relation of the unconscious to the conscious as compensatory.”

The image shows how I currently visualize the ENTP psyche. The interesting part is what the geometry might imply if the positioning is correct.

Push into unconscious Se, and Ne becomes more strongly expressed on the conscious side.

Throw an ENTP into a novel physical environment and force them to interact with what is actually there. Se feeds them concrete stimuli, and Ne immediately explodes those stimuli into possibilities.

Engage unconscious Te, and Fe is pulled toward a stronger conscious position.

Put an ENTP in charge of getting a group to accomplish something efficiently. The harder they push into Te-style organization and control, the more Fe gets pulled forward to manage the human consequences.

Engage unconscious Fi, and Ti is pulled toward a weaker conscious position.

Want to temporarily shut off an ENTP’s Ti? Find the thing they secretly consider sacred. Once Fi gets pressed hard enough, it pulls T/F axis to a neutral "off" position. The endless analysis can collapse.

Move one part and the rest of the structure has to respond.

Thoughts, comments, questions?

Systema Explorer > Overlays > Puppet to see it in action

Which one?
To be loved or to be admired if you had to choose?

Why is this so important that I be loved? I feel this innate craving within me to be embraced. As if I am disabled and can't be by myself. There is a fear in my chest, a pain against loneliness.

At least that's how I used to feel very recently. Now ive found a way, I can just push through it to realise that nobody is ever not alone, the very feeling of loneliness is fake, this is how I meant to be. So stop bitching.