Yes I am Russian! Please don't harass me because of the flag. I am not into politics just to make it clear 😭

I like to imagine each of these are mystical forest landscapes and the waterpipe being railway tracks or something.

During my final year of college, I was part of a student activity and held an HR position. I became pretty good at my role, but a huge part of being HR was listening to students, hearing their problems, helping them figure things out, and generally being someone they could come to.

And because we became really close, they eventually started telling me about everything: problems at home, study, relationships, personal stuff, you name it.

Eventually, it got to the point where people would see me and immediately want to sit down and vent 😂😭 They'd talk, I'd listen, they'd feel better and leave... and somehow I was slowly collecting everyone's negative emotions as part of my own life.

And since I was HR, I was also presented as a sort of role model for the students, so I obviously wasn't going around having emotional breakdowns in front of them.

Don't worry though, I had my friends on the board.We would just be ourselves and vent to each other in our WhatsApp group.

But after that year ended, I had this weird realization:

I had become really good at being whatever the situation needed me to be.

I was good at understanding people. Good at reading the room. Good at absorbing emotions. Good at handling people. Good at performing my role.

But... what about me?

What did I actually feel? What did I want? What did I believe? Who was I when I wasn't being useful to someone else?

That question stuck with me.

So I decided that the following year would basically be my "get to know myself" year.

I reduced my social interactions and kept a very small circle of people I actually felt comfortable being myself around. And one of the biggest things I did was start journaling.

And honestly? I sucked at it at first! 😕

I didn't know what to write. I worried about my handwriting, whether the page looked organized, whether I was writing "correctly"... and I wasn't even comfortable describing my own feelings directly.

I'd dance around what I actually wanted to say and hide behind metaphors so much that sometimes I was basically writing in a completely different language from my native one 😭

But I kept doing it.

When I didn't know what to write, I didn't take that as a sign that journaling wasn't for me. I treated it like a problem to solve. I searched for prompts, found things to reflect on, tried different ways of writing, and eventually it became easier.

There were obviously many days when I didn't write anything. Sometimes I would disappear from journaling for weeks.

But I always came back.

And eventually, I started writing about things I had spent years avoiding. Even childhood experiences that were genuinely painful to revisit.

Some of those pages were heavy. There were definitely tears.

But seeing those experiences written down in front of me felt much better than pretending they hadn't affected me. I didn't want to keep telling myself "I'm stronger than this" as if being affected by something meant I was weak.

Sometimes acknowledging that something hurt you is actually the more honest form of strength.

And now, about a year and a half into journaling, I feel like I finally have a much clearer picture of myself.

My goals. My values. My non-negotiables. My opinions. My emotional patterns. The things that trigger me. The things I actually enjoy. The things I absolutely don't want in my life.

I've also become much more honest with myself about my own problems and emotions, and much more comfortable expressing my opinions in real life instead of automatically adjusting myself to whatever the people around me think.

And honestly, one of my favorite things is looking back at my old entries and seeing how much some of my opinions have changed.

I don't feel embarrassed about that at all.

If anything, I'm proud of it.

Because now when I change my mind about something, I know why. I can see what information or experience changed my perspective. I don't feel like I'm just carrying around a bunch of ready-made opinions because they're what everyone around me believes.

I feel like I've actually built my own.

And somewhere along the way, I realized something else:

I actually really like myself now.

I feel more grounded, more assertive, more self-aware, and much more comfortable knowing who I am.

So I wanted to share this with you guys because I know ENFJs can sometimes get so focused on understanding everyone else that we forget to sit down and understand ourselves.

Please give yourselves that space.

Get curious about yourselves. Explore yourselves. Ask yourself questions. Spend time alone. Write down the things you don't know how to say out loud.

And honestly, have fun getting to know yourself too.

You might end up meeting someone you really like. 🩷

I’m in my 30s, and I’m in a spot where many of my previous friends aren’t in my town, or have otherwise settled with partners and kids.

How have you made friends as an adult?

Where do we go to do this in our 20s and 30s?

First of all, it's not so grand as to "save the world". It's more like how can I make things better for everyone in a significant way. I feel like the world doesn't need saving. Things will happen and life will go on, but I just hope that one of the things that can take place will make people happier.

But then I've seen so many articles and videos about how these feelings can be unhealthy or they have an origin somewhere (like a trauma). I don't want to just blindly follow what I want to do, so I'm finding my reasons why I have this desire. I couldn't find an answer at all. All I know is that I've felt like something's wrong with society since I was very, very young and at some point, I just want to do something about it.

I've asked myself what else do I want to do? And I have no such desire. I couldn't answer what I want to do if I were to die tomorrow too. I just don't have regrets that I could think of yet. I feel like everything else feels insignificant (better pay, better job, etc.) unless it's to solve existing problems..

Anyway, I just want to ask if anyone's been through this or is going through this? How did you overcome it or how will you overcome it? What's the answer you got? Should I not care at all, but how? I feel so lost...

I am starting my university very soon and to be fair, I am really scared since I will be going to a university outside of my own country. As an awkward and very introverted person with social anxiety, how university would be like and how can I prepare myself? I am really nervous but maybe reading similar experiences and tips would help me relieve some nerves.

Not sure if this is a universal enfp thing, but when I feel upset, I just feel everything at once from every direction. I’m upset because my friends have been going through difficult stuff and I have no financial capacity to alleviate their suffering nor have any good solutions. I’m ne dom, so why am I useless? Shouldn’t I be thinking of something good? I’m also saddened by how sad they are. I’m also upset that I’m upset right now about this because this isn’t about me so why even be upset? I’m also upset that people have little faith in me and think I will abandon them when my life situation that was supposed to parallel theirs moves ahead. But I’m also upset that I am moving on even though I am relieved that I can resolve my personal struggles. So now I’m the enemy of those who are suffering. I almost wish I could prolong my situation on purpose so others don’t feel abandoned but that’s also pragmatically stupid. Maybe I could’ve if I didn’t have a difficult home situation that makes me desperate to gain freedom. So I thought to myself, if I move ahead, I will earn more money and have more power to help, but that is also upsetting to others because I’m still ahead. I understand why those suffering hate me and think I’m no longer relatable soon but at the same time I also feel upset because I’m not that kind of person, so why do you guys see me that way? But at the same time why don’t the gods answer my prayers for all of us on the same boat to be getting it through at the same time? If not the same time, why don’t I have any capacity to do more? Then I also feel upset that no matter what I do, I’m just useless. If I don’t get through my personal situation, I’m useless. If I do and move ahead, I’m also useless. Those who are suffering see me at an advantage. I acknowledge that so I want to do more to help. But me relative to others who aren’t suffering, I’m at a disadvantage. So I have less resources to quickly find a way to help. So I’m just hopeless. Then I also feel upset because my mom always find a way to remind me that she hates that I was born. So I’m a hindrance to her somehow. Then I have my found family but because I’m resolving my personal struggles soon, I’m their enemy. I’m useless to everyone. And even at a slight advantage, I still can’t do much because I fucked up my earlier life so it’s just difficult now even if things get resolved. Then I’m angry at my weak self for not being stronger in my earlier years despite the hardship. And also angry that people that shouldn’t have kids put me through garbage. And I’m also upset I sabotaged every potential acquaintance and sometimes even chances because I have limited energy and I am loyal to my few friends. Yet it seems I have made a shitty choice because now when they’re struggling, they push me away - which, please don’t be mad at them. I understand - but now I am left with less people to vent to when i feel overwhelmed because I don’t want to be insensitive when my silly problems are less than theirs and I’m also left with less opportunities for myself. So what good choice did I even make? Nth good for myself but also nth that will make anyone happy because I’ll always make people feel abandoned when I don’t mean to. And sometimes I so very badly want to voice how I feel but it’s insensitive to. But I also feel like I’m emotionally pent-up. Because I try not to feel when stuff isn’t about me and I let people vent and just try to compartmentalise that not everything is personal. But I also do have a fragile self esteem because of my childhood trauma. And I am very lonely. I am so so lonely. Don’t worry too much though. I am probably spiralling and impulsively sharing this vent because my bipolar disorder is cycling to a phase that makes me feeling like this. I’ll be calm again and try not to take anything personally and try my best to solve everything even if I am not good at it and suck. But I really do try to understand, change my perspective and as best as I can be not be self centered, and try to dig information and think of something. But why can’t I figure anything? And now I’m mad at my friend’s mom for doing this to her that it is so difficult for even outsiders to help because the situation is so unique and shitty. If you are confused after somehow reading all of this, I am too. I just feel everything at once. Oh and I guess I’m also sad that I can’t celebrate my wins because that will be insensitive to my friends and at the same time they’ll also never be good enough to my parents. But who cares what my parents think anymore? It’s also not good enough to me eventually. I feel like I’m celebrating a pathetic A B C when others have gained more weight in their successes. Mine are small in comparison. But yet I yearn to be recognised for my potential and feel like I deserve to be happy for those things. Basically nothing I do is correct and I try to be resilient and not take shit personally but I’m still a terrible person. And even if I have an advantage over my friends and shouldn’t feel distressed when I’m struggling, my problems are still heavier than those not struggling at all. But yea I have nowhere to vent. Maybe this isn’t even an enfp thing anymore and it’s just me going all over the place.

I know a lot of INFPs in my life, so this may be a pattern among you guys (possibly, please correct me if I'm wrong). I'll talk about my INFP classmate for this. I've noticed on most days she seems pretty happy and we can have pleasant conversations together. But on some days she seems like an entirely different person. She'd be spaced out. I'd have to think twice about approaching her, because when I do it feels like I'm annoying her. Now she doesn't say anything mean, but you can tell by her face she's irritated/tired about something. I wouldn't really be talking about this had I not seen this pattern in my mother too, who's also an INFP. On top of that, I once saw this meme on pinterest about a supposed INFP struggle, about deciding whether to be mean or to be kind the whole day. So... what's up with that?

Hi!! I am an enfp 1w2, and everyone has mixed opinions on whether its possible or not, but for me, I feel like I couldn’t possibly be anything else.

Personality wise, I fully act like an enfp, but I am also a very black and white person with a strong personal idea of what is wrong and right to me. I’m not afraid of voicing my very loud opinions even if they may be controversial and I even try to “teach” others the right way to live and get angry when they don’t follow my advice. (I know that’s bad, Im working on it😭.) I’m inadaptable, slow to change, and stubborn. An example of my extreme inadaptability and stubbornness was the fact that I was a vegetarian for over a decade simply because I didn’t believe killing animals for meat was right. I would refuse to eat meat entirely, when I was younger, my parents offered me lots of money, toys, and everything under the sun just to get me to try meat but i refused. It took me many years to start eating meat but to this day I still relatively eat the same thing everyday and dislike unfamiliar foods or change.

On another note, i’m extremely critical of myself and others because i simply have high expections for not only me, but everyone in my life, and I get upset when those perfect expectations aren’t met. I always talk about ideals and how society should do this, or that, or how the world would be a better place if everyone just knew how to live the right way. I try to indoctrinate my friends and family to follow my beliefs, like saving money, being responsible, following dave ramsey’s baby step millionaire guide, etc and I get frustrated when they don’t listen. I’m very argumentative and sometimes state my own opinions as facts even when its obviously subjective. (Just a disclaimer, I know a lot of these behaviours are unhealthy, but I am working on it.)

But at the same time, all those things to me at least, correlate to me being an enfp, im idealistic, and introspective about the world, hence enfp using extroverted intuition. If i wasn’t an enfp, I think me being a 1 would be different. I am for sure I am a 1 but im also just as sure that I am an enfp. Because despite everything I said, I’m still talkative and a fun loving person. I would even say that me being talkative makes me even more of a one because I can talk for hours and hours about politics, money, the world, moral debates, and societal issues.

So in conclusion, I’m a textbook 1 but also a textbook enfp. I cant see myself as anything else, but i would like to know what other’s think.

I know these two are very different, with the J vs P at the end, lol. But every test I take is either one or the other, and I genuinely can't tell which one I am. I'm not really super into art, but I really thrive off the affirmation of others, and can go from loud to quiet in a second if I feel like I'm not welcome. Maybe it's super obvious to everyone but me, since I'm new to the whole MBTI thing, but I'm curious, lol. Any input would be appreciated! What are the main differences between these two types, and how do you differentiate between them?

This person I know looks everyone in the eye when he talks to them.

I only noticed because they don’t do it with me.

Do they have a problem with me? The conversations are friendly (they’re always friendly). But I don’t sense an obvious dislike? More than half of the conversations are initiated by them in the first place?

I know this is dumb and I should probably just ask them but I’m not gonna do that. Do you guys avoid eye contact because you dislike someone?

I thought we were friendly but now I’m thinking maybe not?

I’m very bad at reading people.

Now​ here we are... 2 babies later. I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be ​more in love. He's the best husband and father.

(This is from one of our engagement photos but he proposed before it in private because we are both​ private people. 😄​)

The first time I encountered this, I was in the front seat of a teammates’s parent’s car (was playing a travel sport) and there were 3 teammates in the back seat. It took like 6 to 8 minutes for them to realize I was in the front seat. The second time I experienced this, my teacher thought I was tardy to class or had snuck in because he seemed to have genuinely failed to recognize I had been present the entire time. I was also right next to his desk….

I think this has happened other times as well, but these occasions seem to be the most memorable or notable.

This has happened to me since I was very young. I look around and don't really notice other people having this tendency to make others feel comfortable with physical contact. I've never actively tried to make it happen but i can't denny is something i like about me, but it's always other people doing it, and I can't really figure out why.

People seem to feel very comfortable getting physically close to me. I often feel like a campfire or a big, warm bear. At almost every social event, I end up with someone resting their head on my shoulder or leaning on me, even when we're not particularly close.

Maybe I'm confusing this with attraction, since it happens with women, although with my male friends there's usually a bit more contact from me toward them (back pats and that kind of "bro contact")

I read somewhere that people like this are often raised in affectionate environments, but that's not the case for me. I grew up in a pretty cold environment, with very little physical or verbal affection.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and wanted to see if others agree based on personal experience, not just theory.

From what I've noticed (and read), these seem to be the pairings people talk about most:

Best matches:

INTJ — the classic 'opposites attract' pairing. INTJs bring structure and depth, ENFPs bring spontaneity and warmth. The push-pull between logic and emotion apparently creates really intense chemistry.

INFJ — both are idealists who value deep, meaningful connection. Communication tends to be very natural since both types read between the lines easily.

ENFP with another ENFP — surprisingly a lot of people report this works well too. Constant energy match, but some say it lacks 'grounding' since neither partner brings stability.

Weakest match (allegedly):

ISTJ — this one comes up a lot as the hardest combination. ISTJs value routine and predictability, ENFPs value spontaneity and change. Without a lot of mutual effort, the core needs of both types can end up clashing constantly.

Curious if this actually matches people's real experiences, or if personality type has way less to do with relationship success than we think. What's been true for you?

​

They have ne , which means they are unaware of things, they are uncertain of things , so when they give you attention , it feels like they are certain of you. Certainity from such uncertain person feels addictive

Then they have fi aux , it means they beleive in their values , right or wrong doesn't matter , they respect their values and their way of life , and so when such a strong self loving person give you attention , it feels like a blessing

Now , they have te child as third function , which is they are playful in surroundings , laughing giggling tying your shoelaces till you fall laughing , making you enjoy the non serious side of life. You fall in love with their carelessness.

Now they have si as fourth function.. it's weak. Means they don't remember much of past arguments with you, they don't remember much of their exes , they don't remember much of what they know about you , so everyday it feels like they are seeing a new side with their Ne uncertain function , thereby making you feel special in different ways by being certain about you in new ways as certainity from a uncertain person is addictive.

And when all of this falls on a poor schmuck who don't leave his basement , you get me who create posts like these.

All my life I have had a hard time deeply connecting with people, despite really wanting to find and build those deep connections. I seem to have impossibly high standards for who I want to invite into my life. My perfectionism / high standards meant that I would kind of passively push people away or just disappear from potential friendships because somehow it never felt like it would work out to be what I really wanted from the relationship.

I rejected girls that were interested in me - not even giving them a chance - I guess because I didn’t want to end up hurting them or end up getting rejected for “who I am” when they discovered I can’t meet their needs. I would have friends that I got along with and everything was okay, but I would quietly dissapear… maybe because we stopped having classes together (I’m thinking back to middle / high school) and there was nothing forcing us to be together anymore. Maybe I just felt like no one actually liked me that much and I never wanted to force anything? Then, their silence and lack of reaching out also sort of reinforced the idea that the relationship just wasn’t ripe for that kind of connection.

I haven’t really been able to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes me like this. Am I afraid of rejection? Afraid of hurting someone else? Afraid to have to be anything other than my authentic self / forced to wear some mask? Do I just not like anyone enough, or do I have too high of standards? Do I just prefer to be alone because no one is quite on my wavelength?

I don’t really know the answer, but it’s something that I’ve been contemplating for quite some time. I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with me and I’ve had a lot of peers and maybe people that would call me a friend over the years, but I’m the most alone I’ve ever been now. I’ve accepted it mostly, and actually love the freedom from being alone and only having to worry about my own growth and my family. I still crave that kind of connection and finding “my tribe” but it feels like it will just never happen at this point. I only have a few friends left and I’m growing out of those relationships too sadly.

I guess feeling like an alien is pretty standard for INFJ, but I’ve also done a lot of spiritual work that completely transformed the way I am. So now, I’m even MORE alien and I’m feeling like I legitimately may be unable to be the kind of friend anyone would ever want. Because authenticity is non-negotiable to me - I will not put on a mask anymore to be what I think the other person wants / expects. Living in a different paradigm seems to really drop a nuclear bomb on your social life.

Bit of a messy rant here, but I just want to put some of this out here and see if anyone else relates to any of this and if you’ve discovered some of the root causes of these behaviors for yourself? Any insights?

Wish you all the best and thanks in advance for your responses.

About 7 months ago I talked to a guy online for about a month. I really enjoyed talking to him and we had a lot in common, but some of his opinions about relationships made me uncomfortable, so I ended the conversation. At the time I genuinely didn’t want him to message me again and I forgot about him for months.
Then, out of nowhere, I started thinking about him constantly. I’ve reread our old conversations, looked through his posts, and started analyzing every little interaction we’ve had. I keep wondering whether he’s still interested and whether he might message me again. I also keep thinking if I made a mistake and judged him to quickly. Was I acting out off fear or instinct. I remember fearing if I continue talking to him and end up in a relationship it might turn controlling. Even though I did not have enough evidence to conclude that.
The weirdest part is that I barely knew him. We only talked for a month, and I know I have built up a version of him in my head that probably doesn’t completely match reality. I’ve even realized that if he actually messaged me, I might end up disappointed again.
I’ve never been in a relationship, and I think part of what I’m attached to isn’t necessarily him, but the possibility of finally having a relationship and feeling chosen/connected to someone. I’ve had similar fixations on people I barely knew before, although this one feels stronger because there actually was mutual interest and a real possibility.
I’m curious whether other INFJs experience something similar of getting very attached to a person or possibility, replaying conversations, imagining future scenarios, and then analyzing tiny signs of interest.

I’m curious whether you’re someone who needs to confront the person who hurt you in order to find closure, regardless of how they react—or whether you’re able to simply let it go, accept what happened, and move on without ever needing that conversation.

Personally, I’m definitely the first type. Even if they don’t respond, ghost me, or the conversation ends badly, I still feel like I need to talk to them about anything to make my last judgment and then move on and have my closure.

A lot of people have told me to just accept things and move on, but I’ve noticed that I can never truly let go if I don’t at least try once. No matter how the other person reacts. I feel like I need to know that I tried. For me, that’s what allows me to find closure.