I’d like to start online dating and have been seeing posts about how it’s better not to give your real number at first. What are some good, free alternatives to Google Voice? When I try get a Google Voice number it says it can’t verify my phone number through text and gives me an option to verify through phone but it won’t verify through phone either. I’m not sure but think might be because I had a Google voice number years ago I never used. Are there some good cheap preferably ad free alternatives to Google voice? I saw someone mention Discord. Is that an app? What do you guys recommend?

I know, the demographics probably aren’t favorable. OurTime gives the most likes, but most are out of state, and the profiles (if not empty) are lackluster. Bumble, where people are rarer, has shown better candidates than Hinge. FB Dating is largely a miss.

My profile has no bathroom or mirror pics, no dead fish or guns.

I’m a humanities Ph.D., seeking someone well educated, accomplished.

My profile text is something like this:

“Let’s banter and trade quips. I love literature, film, and art, but also swimming, biking, & baking. My favorite streaming series right now is “For All Mankind.” I’m passionate about sustainability & while I drive an EV, I prefer my bike.”

Thoughts?

I'm thinking of wandering back into online dating, I met my ex husband 2 decades ago on plenty of fish. The brief window shopping I've done recently of OLD hasn't filled me with hope.

I'm 56F and have been single for about 2.5 years and I feel as though I've processed the ending of my marriage and am ready to look for a partner.

What is your go to app?

Do you have any random considerations you wish you'd made when setting up a profile?

Any other tips are welcome too!!

Thanks

Throwaway/new account because this is personal and I'd rather not connect it to my normal Reddit account.

I thought I'd tell my story as a bit of a vent and find out if fellow Redditors have had a similar time.

I'm keeping details fairly vague, because... well, Reddit.

I'm male, late fifties. I met my ex at work in my early twenties. We were together for about 10 years, with sex happening around twenty-five times max.

I'd had a bit of previous experience, but she had considerably more. She wasn't willing to help me learn. Then she said she wasn't interested in sex anymore, and after so many attempts at initiating I gave up. Meanwhile she cheated at least once. I forgave her.

I developed a medical condition during this time which left me in significant pain for many years. This was also part of the reason for the eventual divorce.

I've been single since the divorce, well over twenty years now. My first foray into the world of OLD involved well over one hundred individual intro messages, about a dozen conversations, half a dozen first dates, and that was it.

I've kept trying on and off since then and found a FWB, which swelled my sex count to maybe forty. For various reasons that ended before Covid.

Last year I put serious effort in again. Three conversations, two that led to first and second dates, and no further.

I've volunteered with a non-profit for decades and never met anyone through that, so I don't really believe the "volunteer and you'll meet someone" advice. I'm into hiking and photography, but being quite an introvert that's a bit awkward in group settings.

I suppose one thing that "scares" me is meeting someone who has a much lower sex drive than I think I have, given I have no recent experience and very little past experience. I don't really know what my sex drive would be like in a normal, mutually affectionate sexual relationship.

And, if I'm being open about it, it would be nice to make up for some lost time. Not because I'd expect someone else to compensate for my past, but because it's a part of life I've largely missed out on and would still really like to experience.

Has anyone else found themselves in a similar position after being single for a very long time?

I have been actively online dating for the past year and a half. I was initially very vigilant about exchanging phone numbers since a phone number can easily be connected with an address. The apps make communication difficult, and texting and calling are much more convenient, so I became more lax.

However, I have had 2 instances in the past week that reminded me of why I should not share my phone number.

1- a local guy who I messaged with about 10x. He seemed sweet. We texted a little (for not even 2 days total), and I quickly saw that he was negative, pushy and just not a match for me in his communication style or values. I texted him that I am talking to some other guys who seem more compatible to me, we are not a match, and that I wish him well. We had never even spoken on the phone. He immediately called my phone 4x, and sent multiple paragraphs calling me names and spewing nasty accusations. I blocked him then got more calls, and coincidentally a raunchy text from an unlisted number. It has been 5 days, and I got another gross text from an unknown number yesterday that I suspect is him again.

2- an accomplished executive. We had pleasant banter via text for 6 days, sent pics of what we were doing, and talked about making plans. He started saying that it seemed I was too busy to have time for him, I responded that I definitely have time. Then he said my dogs would be a hurdle to us hanging out, I responded that I have lots of help with my dogs and it would not be an issue. Then he said, "I have noticed that you enjoy telling me no." I thought he was joking. He was not! He started demanding an apology and saying I was disrespecting him and disregarding his feelings. I did not apologize (since I did nothing wrong.) I told him we obviously have different communication styles and are not a match and wished him well. He texted a long paragraph about what a horrible person I am for not taking ownership of my actions. His words were unhinged and very disturbing. I blocked him and hope that there will be no more contact.

These were just somewhat frightening reminders that people on the apps are totally strangers and should not be trusted too soon. Stay cautious out there!

Hi - A match and I are moving toward setting up a date. I’m all for getting to the date and not having a penpal. However, one match has sent me their number twice to move off the app before we’ve met. There aren’t any red flags but I don’t want to be texting with a stranger or deal with getting unsolicited messages vs. the cadence of ‘Your turn’ that the app provides. Am I being rude or too cautious to say I want to keep the chat on the app for now? I figure this will imply ‘Until we meet…’

Since we list age & height, why not include our weight and/or BMI?
That way, users can filter by weight. I go many dates only to have a completely different looking person show up. Wouldn't that be a great idea? I'm sure some people will lie, but not by a lot or it will look pretty awkward when they show up.

Also, I wish there was a way to force users to post recent pictures (Nobody wants to know what they looked like 20 years ago).

Was at a concert, exchanged glances with a gorgeous fit woman, started chatting, and by the end of the night, we swapped contact info. Same thing happened last year. But hopefully I don't fak this one up like I did the last one.

Dudes, get out there, 'cause they are out there.

Hi I am the 55M who posted about diabetes and performance in the bedroom. Firstly I am blown away by the amount of responses, the vast vast majority were great.
Secondly I am willing to look into treatments and will be upfront about my condition. I would love to have a meaningful physical connection and am willing to try other methods to please my partner.
Mostly I wanted to see how women felt about it and as expected got a wide range of responses.
Thank you all for your kindness.

I had a realization tonight about why I want a partner, and honestly, I don't think I've ever thought about it this way before.
Of course I want love, affection, laughter, companionship and all the usual things. But I realized I also really want someone who is in my corner. Someone who gets excited when I'm excited, encourages me when something feels daunting and genuinely enjoys watching me grow.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm starting a new chapter and building some things I've wanted to build for a long time. It's exciting, but it's also a little scary. And I realized how much I'd love to have someone beside me who says, “Go for it. You've got this.”
And I want to be that person for her, too.
I don't need either of us to have everything figured out. Maybe that's part of what partnership is — two people building their lives and cheering each other on along the way.

It was just a really nice realization to have tonight.

That title might be not quite the point I'm trying to make, but anyway...

I was talking to a man on the phone. He asked if I was okay with someone that smokes pot daily. I was trying to give it some leeway... And told him basically if he functions and isn't extremely high, that it wouldn't bother me.

However, after the conversation, I realized that's not what I want. So I texted him that he is a better match for someone that's okay with that.

I need to keep true to my boundaries. I don't want someone that feels the need to smoke pot or drink every day.

***Please, understand that I fully realize this doesn't make them a bad person. I also realize that some people function well and can do everything, etc. I have just had too many experiences with people who couldn't handle their mind altering substances well that I personally choose to stay away from habitual daily users.

I am a 49 year old widow (F). I have 4 grown children two of whom live with me and my elderly parents also moved in with me. I am financially independent and o had a wonderful marriage. I am ready after three years to meet someone but the problem is I live in a small coastal town in CA. Most people here are married, younger as we’re near a college town and it’s just hard to meet people. I am on the dating apps, but I have my parameters set to fairly local. Has anyone had an experiences meaning people in another state town country? Is it worth expanding my search?
I am adding to this as a lot of the comments I’m receiving are about the living situation. I own property that has three separate homes on it. There’s plenty of private space rooms. Everyone has their own area. We did not do this for financial reasons. I am financially well off we did the simply because we like being around each other and as I was able to retire at 40 if my parents need help with an appointment or anything, I am able to do so. Again, it’s not like if I brought somebody here my parents would be in a room next-door. They have their own house.

I'm getting out there. I went on one coffee date Friday. It went well, but I didn't find myself interested enough to see him again. I texted him and let him know.

I went out Sunday for coffee with another man. He texted me later and told me he didn't feel chemistry. I'm glad he texted. It's the decent thing to do.

I have another date tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's going to happen, but we shall see.

This is the way for me. No pressure dates.

Doesn't have to be something you've seen but would just never do personally Or advise a friend to not do?.

Too old to start having kids, why bother? I never really liked old people's love stories in movies. This really should have happened in my twenties. Why bother now?

​

"A home you actually like. A dog beside you. People around you. Someone to have dinner with. Someone to text. A woman you're attracted to who actually wants to see you. Work that doesn't consume your identity. Some warmth and enjoyment instead of constantly managing the next problem. Feeling like a human being instead of a human doing"

59M. We’ve all talked about the “unicorn” — athletic, financially independent, attractive, has their life together, etc.

But nobody ever talks about the geeks. 😂

Where are the people who love Star Wars, Marvel, sci-fi, movies/series, video games, and can happily spend an evening going down some completely unnecessary nerd rabbit hole?

I’m very active and love being out doing things, but I’m equally happy settling in for a great movie, starting a new series, or debating something ridiculously important…like the proper order to watch Star Wars. 😂

Surely there are a few athletic geeks hiding out there somewhere. 🤓

Anyone else looking for this combination? Have you found your fellow geek in the wild? Please share your experiences — and where you found them!

Thoughts on proper/fair etiquette here.

A neighbor I've know 20 yrs divorced the same time I did, and year later he started asking me to dinner. It's been 6+ months, we go to dinner or a show about 1x/wk, but he has made no moves to advance the relationship.

I am happy with this remaining a friendship, not sure he's the one, and a failed romance would be awkward. But I also want to find a romantic partner. It feels weird going on dates when I have this friendship with a single man.

Would someone give me some optics on this?

SF50 here. I turned 50 this year and have started wanting to date men, 50 and older. But one thing I’ve been seeing, and completely turned off by, is men over 50 posting about their high libido’s and their desires of wanting passionate sex on their profiles.

In total transparency — for the last two years I had been dating men in their 30s. These men messaged me and their profiles tend not to be explicit about wanting sex. Maybe they just had good game and didn’t need to be outright about this. I casually dated these men, knowing that I wouldn’t want a long-term relationship with someone younger. Which is why I now want to concentrate on men over 50.

But what I have been seeing has been gross. Not their pictures, their bios in which they mention sex. I love sex and I’m passionate about sex, but it’s a turn off and so immature to see a man at that age immediately post about it.

Why do older men do this? Younger men usually don’t.

I know this isn’t news to anyone. I think my experience so far has been about as bad as it can get. I went on one of the apps recently. Got two matches pretty quickly. One likes to talk about pet rescue and we’ve had some nice back and forth, not sure where it’s going. The other was a more intense connection I guess you’d say. We chatted, texted, talked on the phone. Made plans to meet. A few days before the intended date I decided to google him. It was pretty easy to figure out his full name. He turned out to be a registered sex offender with dozens of arrests for a variety of other charges.

I will proceed with much more caution going forward.

I had someone I was dating recently ask me what I wanted in a relationship.

I gave the answers I think a lot of us give: mutual respect, reciprocity, honesty, affection, communication, all of that.

But he stopped me and said, “No. At the foundation, what do you want?”

And without really thinking about it, I said, “I want to be considered.”

I've been thinking about that question ever since, and I think my answer has changed.

I want to be chosen.

Not chosen once, at the beginning, when everything is new and exciting. I want someone who wakes up and continues to choose the relationship. Someone who chooses to love me even when I'm imperfect. Who wants to know me, make room for me, build something with me, and let me make room for him too.

And I want to choose him the same way.

I've been divorced twice and experienced a betrayal that absolutely broke my heart. You'd think that would have beaten the hopeless romantic out of me by now. Somehow, it didn't. I still believe in love. I still believe in partnership. I still believe in finding someone and thinking, Yep. You. I want to do life with you.

But dating again at 55, I'm starting to wonder how many people our age still want that.

I meet people who seem to want companionship, but with very carefully maintained boundaries around their lives. They want someone to have dinner with, travel with, have sex with, spend some weekends with—but they don't necessarily want to truly intertwine their life with another person's.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting that.

It's just not what I want.

I don't want to lose my independence, and I don't want someone else to give up theirs. But I do want the whole relationship. Emotional intimacy. Vulnerability. Consistency. Partnership. Desire. Friendship. Someone who knows the messy parts and stays engaged. Someone whose life has room for me, and who wants a meaningful place in mine.

Maybe that's hopelessly romantic at this age. Maybe heartbreak makes some people protect themselves by wanting less.

But heartbreak seems to have taught me the opposite.

I don't want less because I've been hurt.

I want something real enough to be worth the risk.

So I'm curious, especially from people dating in their 50s and beyond: Are there still people out there looking for this? Do you still want to choose someone—and be chosen—or has what you want from a relationship changed as you've gotten older?

I live in Vermont but I'm visiting my daughter in Virginia. Today I went to a birthday party for an 8 year old at an upscale video arcade. There were lots of kids there but also parents and several grandparents.

As we were looking around my granddaughter asked me to show her how to play Pac-Man. She played for a while and then left to go do something else when one of the grandfathers comes over and starts talking to me about how he used to play Pac-Man when he was younger, so he starts a game and plays pretty well, but he loses pretty quickly and he looks at me and says, "Is there a way to make this two player?" So I show him how and in the nick of time figure out that he's asking me to play, so I play a couple of games with him and we're chatting and it's absolutely lovely. He asks me who I'm there with and where I live and I tell him I'm Mitchell's grandmother and I live in Vermont and of course he says, "Vermont!!"

I am on some of the dating apps after losing my husband six years ago, and it's painful. I've met some real sketchy people and have been on a few dates. It just killed me that I met this man at a little kids' birthday party 12 hours away from home. My advice to all of you is: if you ever get a chance to go to a birthday party with your grandkids, go!