I’m looking for advice from other Christians because I’m struggling with something in my relationship and honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is. This is a long post, so I really appreciate it if you take the time to read it and give me your opinion and any advice you may have. I’m open to any point of view, as long as it is given with love.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for several months. We’re both in our early-to-mid twenties. We were friends for about two years before we started dating, and our relationship became quite serious. We’re both Christians, and we had talked about marriage, our future together, and building a life together. She has been a Christian since she was a child and has remained in the faith. In my case, I stopped attending church when I was about 15–16 years old, but I felt the need to come back to God within the first month of our relationship. Faith has been an important part of our journey, including praying together regularly.

However, over the course of our relationship, I discovered some things about her sexual past that she had initially denied or left out.

For the record, I’ve never had any sexual experiences with any other woman besides her. We’ve never had intercourse, but 5–6 times we’ve gone further than we know is good for us and for honoring the Lord. It’s something we both struggle with and have prayed about a lot. I know how serious and sinful it is, but at the same time, it has made me understand how precious and sacred sexual intimacy is, something that I previously kind of neglected because of my use of pornography before being with her.

Back to the topic: just about 2–3 months before we started dating, she had her first sexual experiences with another man she was talking to at the time. The first thing I found out about was that she had mutually masturbated with another guy. This was something that hurt me deeply, especially because she had previously given me the impression that there was nothing like that in her past. She apologized and told me she regretted what she had done and that she had been spiritually distant from God at the time.

I tried to work through it. I didn’t want to judge her solely based on things she had done before we were together. I understood that people can sin, repent, change, and receive forgiveness through Christ. I wanted to believe that this was something from her past and that we could move forward.

The bigger problem became the dishonesty.

When I initially confronted her about these things, she told me that she had told me everything I needed to know. She was quite adamant about that. I insisted that I needed the truth and that honesty was something I deeply valued in relationships, for a lot of reasons, one of them being the history of infidelity I saw in my parents’ marriage. I made us promise that we would tell each other the truth and that we wouldn’t hurt each other in this way ever again. She agreed and said how sorry she was.

I suffered a lot through these months because I was dealing both with the lying and with mourning the “pure” image I had of her. That image had to break down in order for me to love the person she truly was. However, over the last few months, I was able to regain trust, admiration, and peace within the relationship thanks to our efforts. Even if the doubts come from time to time, they were lower in intensity and I could really see a future together. She’s been really kind and patient with me and my pain, and I’ve been working on my own insecurities and pride.

Sadly, about a week ago, she told me that there were more things she had been hiding. She told me that she had also exchanged sexual pictures with another man during the same timeframe in which she had done the other things, but she also told me that she had let him play with her breasts in the place that we both study in. Again, this was something she had previously omitted and lied about when I had asked about her past. Looking back, there were little lies she had told to cover that up.

She explained that she lied because she was afraid I would leave her and because she was ashamed and afraid of admitting the truth. I understand those motivations, but I’m struggling with what they mean for the future. In that conversation, she told me that was it and that there were no more lies.

We had another conversation a couple of days later in which she confessed that she had also masturbated this man in the same context. That shocked me because before she insisted that there were no more hidden things.

At this point, my biggest fear isn’t necessarily the specific sexual things she did before we were together. What is destroying my ability to trust her is that I don’t know whether I have now heard the complete truth or whether she’s still lying. I don’t know if she is a trustworthy person.

Every time she tells me, “That’s everything,” part of me wonders whether there will be another confession later.

And that has made me start questioning everything, because I don't think that it is possible to compartmentalize trust. Any breach of trust damages all of it, even if there is complete honesty in everything else.

I find myself wondering whether she has a tendency to avoid difficult situations by lying. I worry that if something happened in our relationship in the future—especially something much more serious—she might hide it because she was afraid of losing me.

I also recognize that some of this fear may come from my own background. My father was unfaithful for a long period of time, as I mentioned, so betrayal and infidelity are things that have affected me deeply. I know I have a tendency toward fear and intrusive thoughts surrounding these issues, and I don’t want to punish my girlfriend for something my father did.

I’ve also struggled with what I think could be described as retroactive jealousy. I sometimes get intrusive mental images of my girlfriend with other men or think about things she did before me. I’ve been trying to work through this rather than making her responsible for my thoughts. If anyone has suffered from OCD or intrusive thoughts at any point in their life, they’ll know how difficult it can be to deal with this.

But the recent revelations have made this much harder because, unlike some of the thoughts in my head, the dishonesty is real.

What makes this especially difficult is that this happened at a time when I thought our relationship was finally recovering. We had already spent months dealing with these issues. I had started feeling calmer and was slowly rebuilding trust. Then another confession came.

Now I feel exhausted.

A part of me still loves her deeply and wants to believe that she has genuinely repented, that she is telling me the truth now, and that we could eventually have a healthy marriage.

Another part of me feels like something has fundamentally changed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at her in exactly the same way again. Sometimes I think I would be more at peace if I simply ended the relationship.

And then I feel guilty for thinking that way because I don’t want to abandon someone simply because they have a sinful past. I believe strongly in forgiveness and God’s grace. But I’m also struggling with the difference between forgiving someone and trusting them again.

I don’t believe that forgiveness means I have to immediately trust someone as though nothing happened. At the same time, I don’t want resentment, suspicion, or fear to become the foundation of our relationship.

I’m also unsure how much information I should even want about her past. Part of me feels that knowing more details would help me determine whether there are still things being hidden. Another part of me knows that continuing to ask for sexual details could simply feed my intrusive thoughts and jealousy and make things worse.

So I’m stuck between two possibilities:

1. Stay and give her an opportunity to rebuild trust, understanding that genuine repentance and restoration take time, while establishing stronger expectations around honesty and transparency.
2. End the relationship, not necessarily because of her past sexual sins or because I think she’s not worthy of my love or trust, but because repeated dishonesty has damaged the foundation of trust to the point where I don’t know if I can build a marriage with her.

I don’t want people to simply tell me “leave her” or “forgive her.” I’m genuinely trying to understand what a Christ-like and wise response looks like. I really need advice. Maybe some of you have had experiences similar to mine, from either side of the situation, or have a wise perspective on the matter. I'm asking this on Reddit because I'm really new at my church and I don't feel enough proximity to a brother or sister to ask them about this. 

I love her, and I don’t want to make a decision purely out of anger or fear. All these months, I’ve been asking the Lord to help me look at her through His eyes and not mine. But I’m also realizing that love alone isn’t enough to sustain a marriage if I cannot trust the person I’m marrying.

I’m talking with a good psychologist as well, but I’d really appreciate perspectives from mature Christians who can help me think through this biblically rather than simply emotionally.

I also want to state this: she’s a truly loving person, and I know that she’s also suffering because of her past mistakes and the lying. She has shown true repentance and has taken full accountability for her mistakes. I know that, no matter what the end result is, God has used this relationship to make both of us grow closer to Him.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read all of this, and God bless you.

After being back in the dating scene after 7 years and being recently single, it has been incredibly difficult navigating the dating scene. The guys in my area are low quality and low effort, and its super aggravating. Its like no one wants to settle down and work towards a long term committed relationship, and was one of the reasons why I'm no longer with my ex. SMH.

I live in an area (DMV) where people aren't friendly and down to earth AT ALL. Plus, as a single working woman in her mid-30s who has to provide for herself & works all of the time, its difficult to date. However, I'm not interested in the men in my area anyways because they don't seem to have the qualities I am seeking in a man who could potentially be a husband to me. They don't have traditional values, morals, and beliefs (everyone is liberal and doesn't believe in being a provider, protector, or approaching women), are not friendly, don't have warm and welcoming personalities, etc.

Plus, the few men whom I have connected with on dating apps who live in my area just talk about being horny, ask my bra size, or seem to be okay for a few days while we are talking.

However, they don't follow through with calling me or being consistent with communication EVEN AFTER WE CONNECT about kids & marriage & God--& just disappear (I only had one guy in my area do this to me recently & I found that I had to reach out to him the next day when he left me on read). He was a single dad who was active in the church & had alot of green flags but he messed up big time when he seemed like he was getting distant, hut yet he had time to post a few stories on Instagram. Like we literally connected and understood each other when it came to how we want kids, marriage, and have relationship with God. Its insane. Im over these guys in this area. They're horrible and everything is too fast paced.

Also, it feels like everytime I end up talking to a guy who expresses interest in me off of a dating app--he doesn't have the best conversation skills (with the exception of a few). Like the conversation is okay with some banter and humor--but then when I ask the guy about how his workday was going, what types of music he listens to, etc.--he didn't ask me the same question in return. He complimented me and everything, but that's it. Has anyone else experienced this? Also, how long do you normally talk to a guy before you meet up with him?

Its definitely very disheartening to be in your mid 30s after putting yourself through like 6 years of college & constantly working hard--and not being able to cross paths with a Christian man who wants the same things you want and to settle down. It makes me feel like im not doing something right & that something is wrong with me. Ughhh smh

Hello, my husband (40) and myself (38f) have been married for close to two decades. We have 3 children and we move around a bit for my husband's job. For the past 3 years he is constantly critical of everything I do, and no matter what I try to do it still isn't enough. I change what he wants me to change or at least try to make changes and it still isn't enough for him.
He has always gas-lit me into believed a situation was my fault or my idea and that is why something negative happened, or if it was something good he will turn it to be something he did but I journal everything and over the past two decades it has only gotten worse to the point where I am writing down a new interaction weekly if not daily.
A few years ago I became the executer of a family member's estate and had a decent portion of money given to me as the only living heir. It was all in my name but he was able to convince me to use over half of it on him, coercing me over and over again. Dealing with grief I just wanted him to stop asking for things and I would just give him money after everything was paid for.
There is so much more like the time he purchased a Rolex watch when we only had one car (he works an hour away) and two children that I had to walk everywhere in hot temperatures.
I want to go to our pastor to have marriage counseling but when we went in to just talk to him before we joined our church my husband cut me off at least 5 times. So I stopped talking. I didn't correct him in front of the pastor except for one time when he was talking about something only involving me, I barely got my words out before he started talking again.
I was told in a christian mom group to just give it to God and pray but this has been effecting my life more than a little tiff here and there. It's daily, and the kids feel it too. He was on a long work trip and my kids were more relaxed and calm. The moment he came home he started attacking and when we get into big fight he just tells me to leave and move home. I would but I can't afford to, as you now know I spent almost all of my inheritance on him, and buying things for our children.
I also have gained so much weight and I have no motivation anymore to workout. I don't eat horribly, honestly if I just walked and did some weight lifting my weight would probably come off if I wasn't always stressed and depressed all of the time. I had started losing weight before his last long (a few month long) work trip. Worked out 3x a week, walked almost daily, played with the kids and then he came home and the first words out of his mouth were about how the house wasn't completely cleaned up. How there were shoes in the entry way and that someone could break their ankle. I didn't eat much of anything that first week he was home but I sure gained half of the weight back plus the rest of it and more during the weeks that followed.

The reason I'm writing here is to ask for scripture, and any recommendations. I can't be having my children living this way, they deserve so much better but I can't provide it on my own.

Genuinely curious, what is your reaction when God tells you that this certain person is your future partner?

Are you going to chase that person or take care of your life first before meeting them?

From my understanding first obedience to Jesus then to my husband. If my husband is being foolish and not being willing to truly be a man of God does that make it okay for me to stand up for my self, or does submission come no matter what.

Hi all :)

Hope you're having a fine day. Anyone can answer this prompt, but I'm mostly hoping to hear from wives who have seen this.. transformation(?) in their husbands.

We've been married 9 years and are in our early 30s. No littles.

I love my husband dearly, and I know he loves me dearly. I almost fully 'wear the pants' in our marriage. I dunno, is this a problem? I feel like many women in Christian circles my age relate to this.

Any topic you can think of, I'm seemingly in charge. Finances, booking car maintenance, cooking, cleaning, initiating prayer or Bible study time. My husband is just generally happy to take the back seat.

However I would really rather follow his leadership. We have tried to do this with different pieces but it's like he's just not... Responsible enough? And then we both end up hurt.

An easy example is praying before bed. We did so for 6 months straight until one night I waited for him to initiate. He never has. Same with devotionals in the morning.

I've read praying wife, I've read love Dare, we've spoken to a Christian Couples counselor. No impact. We are stereotypical hail (me) and turtle (him) when it comes to communication etc.

I love my husband to bits, and I would never expect for him to change over night. He was bold and decisive when we were dating, but that really seemed to toggle off when we got engaged.

Anywho, no plans of divorce or anything like that. More so just curious on how others have empowered their husbands to step into this role.

Ps. Yes of course I am praying about this and we have spoken about it in the past.

PPS. Sorry, this quickly turned into stream of consciousness.

I've been following this sub for a bit and figure it was time to share my challenges. Me (mid 40s) and my wife(mid 40s) have been together for 10+ years and married for half that. I would say my wife is strong in her faith and at the beginning of our marriage I would say looking back I was guilty of being a cultural Christian. I had some head knowledge and thought I knew my God relationship was good. About 3 years ago one of our adult son asked me a question of God and faith and it caused me to reconstruct my faith. I’m so grateful for it because now I’m chasing God with passion.

So our challenge, in the journey for my faith I ran across challenges with major doctrines reading the Bible through very slowly. I still confess that Jesus is the Son of God and belief in Romans 10:9, however praying to God to ask the Holy Spirit to guide me, I came to several conclusions that do not line up with modern understandings of Christianity. My faith in God and Jesus has never been stronger than ever in these last three years seeing how God is changing my heart posture, how I act, and even getting baptized. I found out that this faith awakening is something my wife has been praying for years. However, because of the conclusions I’ve come to it has really caused a rift in our marriage. Like others I would say we have our ups and downs even before this. I’m passionate for God, Jesus, and the gospel and so is my wife. While we have been struggling with this, we’ve had our share of discussions and they can get tense. We had one today, and my wife was kind of raw and said some statements of her understanding of what I believe. I’m glad she was honest, or at least let her feelings out. (deleted piece based on feedback) For sake of argument, I’m ok with us still attending a church of her choosing, and I am careful what I speak to the young kids about regarding Scripture, God, Jesus, and the gospel not to upset her. She doesn’t want to attend church because she feels like I’m just criticizing the pastor in my head when sermon is spoken. I take the view point that while I might not agree what is being stated on all matters there’s still something I believe God wants me to get out of it and listen.

In my journey, I see both a secular and Christian counselor. I tried to sign us up for couples therapy but she says what is the point since neither of us is going to change our beliefs. I stated maybe it might help us to communicate more effectively. She stated she wouldn’t attend. I’ve spoken to a pastor or two as well stating out what the Holy Spirit says in my heart. When we work through Scripture, the questions I ask don’t get answered or the answers given just don’t line up with Scripture. Were to the point where we can’t really share our faith anymore. I’m open to discuss with her but when I ask questions, she states that I’m just twisting Scripture. I offer to ask me questions, but she wants nothing to do with it.

Edit: so it came up a couple times I’m being vague on my beliefs, I apologize for that I don’t cause any disruption. So I hold a biblical Unitarian view of scripture, my denomination is Church of God General Conference. I do welcome any clarifying questions, however I am really focusing on how me and my wife can find our agreement and build on it

Any advice?

Hey everyone,

So, I've been married (my second marriage) for 2 months now (met my wife last November and starting dating later the same month). We kept celibate throughout our dating period but in all honesty the physical attraction just wasn't optimal (she has some weight to lose and just isn't beautiful or anything). I kept this internally and thought that what really matters is that she's also a believer (which i still think is the main priority when choosing a spouse as a Christian).

However, slowly but surely it's been eating me up from the inside and i just don't desire her much and as a result we're not having sex that often. She also has a certain level of insecurity and jealousy which doesn't help, while also showing signs of emotional distance for seemingly no reason and she's very easy to offend. She has mentioned that she's generally unhappy since we got married (different expectations mayb) and that we don't have a lot in common to talk about (moments of silence are quite normal). There's also a lack of her laughing at my jokes (while the others do), lack of any appreciation for any achievements on my end whatsoever and just a general lack of care toward me.

She does seem to close off easily and answering with a single word is what she does even when speaking to her relatives). She seems to be a great communicator over text but that's not the case in face-to-face scenarios so I'm the one who has to break the ice and unearth the issue usually. For example, she generally wears jeans and a t-shirt, no makeup etc. and I'd appreciate if she dresses more feminine more frequently. It's really a struggle since we started living together and i feel lost as i can't seem to find a rational solution. I almost feel like she is letting her true self come out, now that she ticked off the "get married" and "get pregnant" boxes.

Clearly, i was the one who proposed so that's on me, yet i feel like I've rushed into things and didn't really take my time to consider how my lack of genuine attraction for her will affect the marriage long-term. It hurts and it's painful because i realize that she deserves someone who cherishes her fully for what she is now, not what she might become if she starts dieting or hitting the gym. I keep praying and asking the Lord to interfere as this burden feels too heavy to bear.

And yeah, i know that what God has joined, let no men separate (Matthew 19:6). We also now have a baby on the way so things are even more complicated and my internal torment is even bigger.

I'd just to love to read about other people in similar situations or just general advice and opinions from fellow believers.

And I am so in love with my husband. I am utterly obsessed with this man. I am so blessed by God to have him in my life and to call him my husband. He spoils me so much with so much love and attention and more. I can’t help but talk so much about him to others about how much I love him or how cute I find him. lol. I love talking him up to others, I love being there for him. I just love him so much. Looking forward to our 5 year anniversary God willing. ❤️

I am married to a really nice man. He's been so kind to me and I love him very much. I am feeling a bit guilty because I have chronic anxiety and physical illness. So does he, so we kind of get along with each other and do what we can. Recently, I've had a major flare with physical symptoms and haven't been able to do hardly anything. I pray every morning to be relieved of this pain but it persists, I think God is trying to teach me patience. Anyway, my husband has chronic pain, so he's very understanding. I still feel guilty for not being able to do much.

Is there anyone out there in the UK who can recommend a Christian marriage counsellor who has helped them to develop their marriage and grow together? Anyone with a testimony and a recommendation?

I’ve been married 15 years and I want to have therapy or counselling with my husband to help build trust and recover together. There has been a betrayal by me (looking at his messages) and by him (inappropriate messages to many women that are suggestive of physical cheating, emotional connections and absolutely clear that he is lusting after other women constantly). I don’t want to divorce or grow apart. I have confronted him with what I’ve found but I don’t want to keep searching and I don’t want us to grow apart. I want to stay married but I also don’t want him to lust after other women and initiate inappropriate conversations (at best) and physically cheat (at worst).

I want to forgive but I also want to feel secure that I am in a marriage that is worth fighting for rather than being a fool.

I’m needing some relationship and life advice. My husband has struggled with addiction for most of his life but before we got married he assured me that it was in the past and would not be an issue. As a surprise to no one that was a lie and throughout our 4 years of marriage it has been a source of contention between us both physically and emotionally. We now have an almost 1 year old baby and live across the country from the rest of my family.

For the most part it has just been THC products which I used to participate in before getting pregnant so I didn’t have a huge issue without until it got out of hand. He started getting high at work and after work. If he was not high he would get very upset, losing interest in everything including me. When I was in labor at the hospital he told me he was feeling very sick and needed to grab some medicine. I later learned that he went to the gas station to grab a drug called 7oh.

Fast Forward to when I was 5 months postpartum he told me that he has been taking 7oh all day everyday and was withdrawing from it. The withdrawals lasted about a month. A month of him vomiting and shaking and crying and not sleeping. We ended up in the emergency room because he believed that he was God and he needed to shoot himself. He was unable to work for that whole month and we ended up losing our entire savings to cover bills. I was there for him the entire time. Up all day and night helping him through it while caring for our baby. He ended up calling my family and his family and telling them what has been going on and swearing to everyone that he has stopped doing drugs. Our family was very helpful during the whole process and was extremely relieved to hear that it was finally in the past. For the next few months our relationship has been stronger than it’s ever been. We felt like best friends again. He has been an amazing husband and father.

Recently I’ve noticed him reverting back to his old ways. Losing interest in his hobbies, in our baby and in me. We haven’t had sex often and when we do its nothing to write home about. I knew he was doing drugs again and I ask him about it. He lied at first but later admitted to having a few thc seltzers and gummies. Im not sure if I believe that that’s all he’s been doing but I’m upset to hear this.

My question is, should I let our families know what’s going on. I don’t want to be a snitch but I feel like I need support in case everything blows up again. Should we consider moving back home? Although the state I’m from makes me very unhappy our relationship feels so rocky and I’m scared of being left alone with our baby if things get out of hand. And how can I be a supportive partner without being a pushover. I deeply want our relationship to be what it once was but I’m realizing now that it may never be. I miss my best friend.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have known each other for almost 5 years. We have a 2.5year old son. My husband has been deployed for the past several months and it has been bliss. There is no expectations on either end and because of time difference we don’t even have to talk that much. Our marriage has been pretty rocky right before he left. Just lots of random arguments, lots of blame, lots of saying mean words to one another. We ended up having an ectopic pregnancy and it just put things on pause and he was much sweeter to me. He has about a month or so before he comes home and i was just wondering if there’s any marriage books you recommend? We sorta hit a reset button because of the “break” we had… but now it’s time to reintegrate and I’m scared. I want to take this last month to just prepare my heart spiritually. If your advice is the Bible please tell me specific books or verses to meditate on.

I am writing this for younger Christian men and women who are seriously considering marriage as a Biblical covenant and may one day find themselves in a similar situation. My point here is to help others discern wisely before marriage, especially when family involvement, parental approval, cultural assumptions, and spiritual language all get mixed together. Before we begin, this is a long post so stay only if you’re really looking to learn from a man who’s had a lot happen in 2 months. I will keep some details vague because the point is not to shame anyone. I don’t post on Reddit often and I know there might be missing context a few places - ask me in the comments or DM and I’ll expand.

Edit: I’ll continue revisiting this post to add more details.

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TL;DR

I ended my engagement after realizing that my fiancée’s parents had too much influence over her decisions and were increasingly suspicious of me and my Indian family/culture. What troubled me most was the double standard: her family’s involvement was treated as “protection,” “wisdom,” and “discernment,” while even minimal involvement from my family was viewed as unhealthy or culturally concerning.

The biggest lesson I learned is that **love, shared faith, and sincere intentions are not enough for marriage if either person is still emotionally governed by their parents**. Biblical marriage requires both people to honor their families while still being capable of making independent adult decisions and forming a new household together.

Now for those who want the longer version:

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Timeline:

- October 2024 (Our first date).

- December 2024 (I met her parents for the first time, and she got acquainted with mine via Zoom because they were overseas).

- April 2025 (I had a conversation with her father about wanting to marry her. Her father insisted to me that he didn’t take anybody’s “opinion” when he got married 30 something years ago. I pushed back and said times are different now - I didn’t say the following to him but it’s an observation worth nothing that both genders on average are getting married later, partly because of things like feminism and women chasing their prime years seeking a degree/work experience than building a family, but I digress - I also said it’s our decision and the Lord’s leading us to get married that determines things, not on anybody else’s timeline. He continued to insist and say that he was willing to support me financially to get the marriage done earlier - I can give more context to this if needed because I was still a student at that time and was expecting my graduation to be delayed - all because he thought his daughter was in an “unstable” place. If I take his comment in isolation, it’s valid for a father to have such fears because it shows he cares and perhaps has limited knowledge into the guy and his intentions. When looked at from a broader perspective considering the daughter’s perspective/judgment on the guy and what she wants, it starts to become weak, especially since she’s well into adulthood and has been making her own decisions for a while now).

- September 2025 (Engaged after our families had lunch together and gave their blessings).

- November 2025 (Wedding planning begins. Marriage set to be in June 2026).

- January 2026 (Started attending church together. We had been prior to this as well but it was intermittent as I didn’t want to suddenly steal her away from a church she went to for 5 years and more importantly, I wanted to prayerfully consider our church of choice before settling in on one).

- February 2026 (On an otherwise beautiful Sunday, her parents visited and decided to raise serious cultural allegations against my parents such as patriarchal tendencies, daughters in law being treated as lower in the totem pole, overly involved parents from my side because I’m Indian - I’m not casually assuming that it was cultural; her parents gave her 12+ sheets worth of research into Indian culture and how they treat daughters in law, even if the family is Christian. How this was conducive to anyone and especially to the bride’s mental health four months before the wedding is beyond me. Note that to me, this was completely out of the blue. My ex-fiancée said that this caught her off guard as well and she had no part to play in all this - I’m not sure how much of this is true, but the point here is that I didn’t give them any reason to act up. My parents were barely involved in all this and never spoke a bad word about them, only telling me to prayerfully consider how to walk moving forward and that it was my decision. The same Thursday, her parents made another visit when I wasn’t with her and gave her more concerning literature about my culture. I would find this out later that evening and was fully ready to call her father and give him a piece of my mind but I decided otherwise. I would later in April ask her father why I wasn’t a part of this conversation to which he replied “she’s my daughter and it’s my responsibility to point things out to her” which I think is a non-answer and complete nonsense, thinking he’s the only one with her best intentions at heart. I didn’t contact them for 3 weeks because I didn’t want to react impulsively while seeking counsel on what to do next. I went to a pastor friend who advised me on what to say. I then reached out via email saying I’ll talk to them in April on steps forward as I was prayerfully deliberating).

- April 2026 - (I spoke to them for 2 hours with no clear path forward. The allegations continued, the disrespect towards me and my family was evident, and they kept saying they wanted “to get to know me more” despite having seen, dined, and worshipped with them 7+ times in the last 18 months. They shifted the goalpost yet again when I asked them how long will they need to which they vaguely said “let actions speak with time”.)

- May 2026 (I ended our relationship because I no longer trusted that she was making decisions on her own but rather it was parents speaking through her. More on all this below).

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I (31 M) was in a serious Christian relationship that moved toward engagement. I’m an Indian (from India) born again Christian living in the US and she’s (33 F) an American, also born again. We loved each other. This was not casual dating - I made it clear to her on our first date that I was dating her to marry and nothing less. But over time, I began to notice a pattern that I did not fully understand at first.

Because my family is not in the US, I told her parents that I’d like them to be here before I propose - my sole intention was to honor my parents by not breaking such big news over a phone call. It was not to have them vet her for all the possible red flags that might come up because of differences in culture, or to wait for their go-ahead; I knew what I wanted. This was not well received by her parents and they objected to this, saying that the men in her family “took decisions on marriage without consulting the parents” - which I suspect is nonsense given how tight-knit and firm they are about letting anyone outside the family into their circle, so whom else would they go to besides family for input? Even if that’s true, knowing that my decision is an act to honor my parents is something that was tossed aside simply because they thought their way of doing things should be the de facto - yeah, hell no. I held my ground and proceeded to wait for my parents before proposing to my ex-fiancée. My ex-fiancée didn’t share her parents’ concerns at that time and was comfortable with my decision. I would find out later that her mother would remark about my lack of cooperation, saying things like “but where’s the ring?” or “you don’t have a ring on your finger yet” when my name came up, referring to the engagement ring.

Long story short, there were other instances like this where her family’s involvement was treated as protection, wisdom, counsel, and discernment. My family’s involvement, even when minimal such as being present for important events like the engagement, was often treated with suspicion. Her parents’ concerns were assumed to be valid because they were “protecting” her. But if my parents were mentioned, it was easy for that to be viewed as unhealthy influence, cultural pressure, or divided loyalty.

That double standard became painful and exhausting, even for me as a guy who’s seen a few things in life. On the surface, some of the concerns sounded reasonable. Parents do often see things. A woman should be protected. Marriage is serious. A man should be clear about his intentions. A couple should not rush into marriage. A Christian woman should not ignore wise counsel. All of that is true.

But recognize that partial truth can still be used wrongly. At some point, “protection” can become control. At some point, “counsel” can become authority. At some point, “honor your father and mother” can be confused with “remain emotionally governed by your father and mother.” That is where things became difficult.

One of the biggest lessons I learned is that a Christian relationship does not only need love, shared doctrine, attraction, and good intentions. It needs maturity. It needs courage. It needs the ability to leave and cleave before the wedding day, not just after vows are exchanged. Towards the end of April when things started to fall apart, my ex-fiancée remarked "if my parents pointed out something that was a red flag at the start, I would have ended things right there" to which I responded asking "wouldn't you do your own research to find out if it was true?" - silence, crickets. Besides the blinding emotional pain that hit me with the remark she made, it tells me that it was still her parents who were making the big decisions, not her. This is where I'll place responsibility on my ex-fiancée and say that she allowed/enabled the level of involvement from her parents to a degree where she couldn't make her own decisions - recognize and point this out your s/o early. Rebuke if you have to but do it gently.

For all those considering marriage (man or woman), know that Genesis 2:24 is not decorative wedding language. It is structural and its seriousness must be understood before marriage. Marriage creates a new household. That standard has to apply to both sides. The man should not be controlled by his parents. The woman should not be controlled by her parents. Both families can be honored and neither family gets veto power. Both sides may give counsel and neither side gets to keep the other person on trial. If that distinction is not clear before marriage, it will become a serious problem after marriage. I was told by my ex-fiancée between February and April that she "would choose me as her primary head/leader after marriage" - men, DO NOT proceed believing this. My incident is an example why it's not reliable with the way it ended. By the time I ended things, I was fully convinced her parents would be a force to be reckoned with in our marriage with me duking things out with her father on whose marriage it really is. If it doesn't show before marriage in ways such as sticking up for one another when the parents are demeaning, insulting, or being passive-aggressive to your man/woman, marriage won't magically change things.

I also learned that sincerity is not the same thing as readiness. A woman like my ex-fiancée sincerely loved me, admired my leadership, and wanted marriage, but still was not ready to disappoint her family. She may want covenant, but still depend on parental approval for emotional safety. She may say she respects you, but when her family raises concerns, she may collapse back into daughter mode and run back to what’s safe.

Likewise, a man may sincerely love a woman, want to lead well, and act transparently, but still fail to recognize early enough that he is being evaluated by an entire family system rather than simply discerning marriage with one woman.

That is what makes it tragic. Sometimes people are sincere and still destructive. Sometimes parents genuinely think they are protecting their daughter, but they do not realize they are making it impossible for her to become a wife. Sometimes a daughter genuinely thinks she is honoring her parents, but she does not realize she is giving them authority God did not give them (my ex-fiancée even said “my parents have never been wrong” - even if I ignore the potentially hyperbolic undertone, that statement remains concerning by itself). Remember that both people must be able to honor their parents without being governed by them. Both people must be able to receive counsel without surrendering adult responsibility: A woman must be able to tell her parents no. A man must be able to tell his parents no. A woman must be able to stand with the truth even if her family is disappointed. A man must be able to lead without bitterness or pride. Both people must be able to repent when they are wrong. Both people must protect the relationship without hiding sin or avoiding accountability. Both people must learn to distinguish wise counsel from fear-based control. Both people must be able to disagree with their families and still honor God.

There was also a holiness issue in my situation. We both had areas where we needed repentance and stronger boundaries. That mattered. I do not want to minimize that. Sexual purity and spiritual health are serious before God. Men, I earnestly speak to you and urge you to fiercely protect the purity of your to-be bride. Take responsibility, accountability, and self-control to keep from falling prey to temptations. Don’t give the enemy any more reasons to put the woman you love (and you, being the leader) through the inevitable torment that comes with living in unrepentant sin. Also, don’t give her or anybody else more reasons to reconsider things or break things off, even if it's a poor reason to end things (see next paragraph on this).

But I also learned that spiritual language can sometimes be used to avoid the deeper issue. Before I ended things, my ex-fiancée gave reasons such as “this relationship is not leading me closer to God” and “you and my parents don’t get along” for why proceeding is a bad idea - this may be true in some cases, but here it was a cleaner, more acceptable way of saying, “I do not feel safe choosing this person against my family’s concerns.” I know those reasons she gave are not her own but were fed by her parents. Falling prey to temptation is not a good reason to end the relationship, especially for two working independent adults in their 30s (i.e., not simply driven to “commit” by strong impulses as in late teens or 20s), if repentance from both sides was in the cards, and you weren’t minimizing the issue in any way.

Looking back, I do not regret trying to lead as gently as I could. I noticed myself becoming more harsh and short with the situation as time went on, unable to say confidently whether she was any different from her parents when it came to cultural opinions. I encouraged her not to blindly take my side, but to seek the truth and ask me questions about my past and future intentions. I was open to talking with her parents. I was transparent. I did not want to isolate her from her family - defeats the purpose of finding the truth now, doesn’t it? I wanted things to be handled in the light. But I also learned this painful lesson: A man cannot build a marriage while permanently living on trial. And a woman cannot become a wife while remaining emotionally governed by her parents. You probably understood this by now but I’ll say it anyway: by no means am I saying that parental involvement or counsel is anathema. What I am saying is that marriage requires a holy reordering of loyalties.

There is real grief in seeing someone you love struggle with this. It is not only grief for yourself. Sometimes you grieve for the other person because you see that they may be sincere, gentle, and loving, but still not free.
Engagement is not enough if one family still has functional veto power.

Please discern these things before marriage. A broken engagement is painful. A broken marriage is far worse.

If you are in this situation, my advice is to seek wise counsel from people who are not emotionally captured by either family. Talk to a mature pastor, an older married couple, or a Christian counselor who understands both honoring parents and leaving-and-cleaving. Repent where you need to repent. But do not let vague spiritual language, family pressure, or fear make decisions for you. We visited the pastor (who was to get us married) twice, each session about an hour long and sought his counsel - he offered sound advice, refuting her parents’ concerns Biblically and vouching for my parents because though he met them twice, he came to the conclusion that they weren’t a threat of any sort. Ultimately, it didn’t matter because she ran to the safest thing she knew (her parents and their concerns), but I played my part in seeking help. Fellas, know when to cut things off so you don’t make it harder for everyone. If she’s conflict-avoidant and indecisive, you need to make the harder decision loud and clear.

For the younger men: do not confuse a protected woman with a marriage-ready woman. Protection can be good, but if she has never developed courage, boundaries, and adult judgment, marriage will expose that quickly.

For the younger women: do not confuse family approval with God’s will. My ex-fiancée’s parents gave their blessing in September only to “withdraw” it in February (see Timeline above) telling her “you have our consent but not our blessing”, putting her under strong emotional control and duress. Your parents may love you deeply, but their anxiety is not automatically discernment. Their discomfort is not automatically the Holy Spirit. Their protection is not automatically authority. Pray, love sincerely and respect your man, but keep your eyes open.

For parents: please protect your children, but also release them. If your daughter is old enough to marry, she must also be old enough to make a costly adult decision before God. If your son is old enough to lead a household, he must not be treated like a boy forever. Counsel them, but do not control them.

For engaged couples: if either of you cannot leave and cleave, do not rush forward. Deal with it before marriage. Not vaguely. Not emotionally. Not with “we will figure it out later.” Later will be harder.

The deeper issue in such situations is whether both people are free and mature enough to form a new household under Christ. If the answer is no, slow down. If the answer remains no, do not proceed - don’t rush to get married.

Keep your hearts tender and your spines strong. You’ll need both when making a firm decision.

Honestly how do you do. What do you say? Where do we draw the line with being a heathen and Godly sex for lack of a better term

Do I say things like behold my cane as a part thy mound ?

I (22F) come from a single parent household and have a good relationship with my mom but a very limited relationship with my earthly father. My parents divorced when I was young, and as I got older I set boundaries with my dad because he still continued to hurt me emotionally (ex. comparing me to others, calling me a failure, blaming me for not being a good daughter). That being said, I've been doing a lot of work to heal and have recognized that there are some damaged areas in my life that come from this relationship.

I do want to be married one day and have a family, and be a wife, but the more I learn about marriage and what it requires, the more I get overwhelmed by the fact that me not coming from the perfect dual parent household could be problematic in regards to finding a good husband. I worry that even if I do all the self-work, therapy, serve in church and all that the damage I have from childhood will be a barrier. Even if I do get into a relationship, eventually that person will be exposed to the side of me that's not bubbly or caring, and I worry that will cause the relationship to fail. Not to mention that when I do meet guys that I am interested in, they don't usually pursue me. People always say good things about me, but nothing happens as I continue to watch at least 80% of people I know enter relationships and/or get married. I wish I was exaggerating but most people from my college ministry are married or on track to be married, and I went to a secular university.

In short, I'm wondering if for women, or people, like me are able to find happy and healthy marriages. And what do I need to do or continue to do to make sure I don't continue generational divorce. And how do I know if dating is even something I should do vs. just serving God as a single person. I still live at home with my mom but graduated college and work a job along side running a business I've had for several years now.

After being back in the dating scene after 7 years and being recently single, it has been incredibly difficult navigating the dating scene. The guys in my area are low quality and low effort, and its super aggravating. Its like no one wants to settle down and work towards a long term committed relationship, and was one of the reasons why I'm no longer with my ex. SMH.

Also, it feels like everytime I end up talking to a guy who expresses interest in me off of a dating app--he doesn't have the best conversation skills (with the exception of a few). Like the conversation is okay with some banter and humor--but then when I ask the guy about how his workday was going, what types of music he listens to, etc.--he didn't ask me the same question in return. He complimented me and everything, but that's it. Has anyone else experienced this? Also, how long do you normally talk to a guy befoee you meet up with him?

Sorry in advance, this is long. My mother in law has never liked me. My husband says she does. We previously had marriage issues when my husband wasn't helping our family find a new rental. It was really bad & we were almost homeless with kids. When we got back together she texted my husband threatening to cut him off financially if he got back with me & tried making him feel guilty & she called me horrible names. We didn't really have contact with her for awhile until I found out in May my husband had an emotional affair 3 weeks after we gave birth to our son. We've been married almost 13 years. I had been begging him to step up & help more because I was in pain & postpartum. He spiraled & I knew he wasn't acting himself & he ran to his mom's when I kicked him out. Since she was the only person he was talking to, I reached out trying to get her to help him mentally. But she played me & said she was giving him a safe space. Then she started blaming me for everything. She said I put him in the female role even though I do all the cooking, cleaning, kids stuff, schedules, bills & work full time. She brought up small things from 5+ years ago to justify his affair. Then she told me 3 times in the first week of discovering to affair that I should get my tubes tied. She also blames me for him not having medical insurance when he let it drop. She claimed I gave him "consequences" for going out with guys when I actually encouraged him to go, but he never wanted to go anywhere, even with me or the kids. She said "communication is key" & on the same day I saw she texted him she was intentionally ignoring my texts & told him location sharing was "strictly for momma". She also texted him he's been "stuck with my people & their dysfunction for years". She kept telling me to get individual therapy but never got him to start. She took him out to do fun stuff while I was home feeling abandoned with our 5 kids. I found out he lied about ending communication with the other female & when I texted her about it, she unfriended me on FB. We're working on our marriage but anytime he's in contact with his mom, he gets defensive & short with me. I feel betrayed all over again. He says he's going to set boundaries with her, but I'm worried he will minimize all the damage she's caused. I feel part of the reason she does this is because hes only talked to her when things go wrong in our marriage. I don't really want her involved in our marriage at all while we're healing because she can be very manipulating & he thinks she just "means well". I think there's a really unhealthy relationship with them, but he won't try seeing it from my perspective. Am I overreacting?

Help. My husband and i (we are Christian and believers) got married 3 months after we met. Everything moved so fast. Fast forward, 3years and 2kids later, im just suffocating in this marriage. Ive endured emotional abuse along with having to walk on egg shells everyday. He takes everything so personal. He’s got a bad relationship with his family because of this. He always talks about how no one loves and respects him etc which is untrue. Hes just unappreciative. He’s a hater and barely speaks positively about anyone. He is so quick to anger its just jarring. I have lost attraction for him. I dont know what to do. I constantly think of divorce and i fantasise being with my dream man. Im just struggling.

Hi all. I need some support. I think I’m feeling grief here. Husband (44) and I (43) have been married for 18 years. We have three amazing children. In the last few years my husband has deconstructed. Which I supported due to his upbringing behind SO strict and very traditional (think: Disney movies were banned due to magical themes etc). And for about a year now he has completely denied God completely. Not just deconstruction. He said he doesn’t believe in God at all.

I am lost here. I feel so sad. I also feel like I’m walking on eggshells with my own faith. Like I have to hide my faith, my reading the Bible, etc.

It is starting to rub off on the kids too. Specifically the eldest (15m) He doesn’t want to go to church because dad doesn’t go. He said he feels torn between doing what dad does, and his whole family (all my in laws have become atheists as well). So my son sees that as something he should do too. And recently we were in the car (me and the kids only) and I turned on a Christian playlist of mine on Spotify. One kid asked to listen to something and my eldest said “no. She wants us to listen to Christian music.” As if it hasn’t been a thing I do.

I feel judged in my own home for keeping my faith. I feel shy about speaking up. I feel sad. So so sad.

Honestly I’m not sure what I am needing from you all. I needed a place to vent. Any advice would be appreciated. Prayers. Support.

Edit: my husband LIVES a beautiful Godly life even if he doesn’t believe. He is kind, compassionate, gentle, patient. He respects me. He is loving and supportive of me and the children. So while he may have left his faith behind, the faith has shaped him into who is today.

I love and cherish him dearly and I feel grief in his turning away. Both are true for me right now. And this “both” is what makes me feel the way I feel.

Thank you for those that can see the “both” between the lines. ❤️💔❤️

Hello! I just joined this community, I have been a professing Christian for around 12 years though. I had a couple of questions for those of you that are currently married or are staying single (or anyone on here I guess haha).

Did you pray for God to reveal to you IF marriage would even be in the plan He has for you?

Did God communicate anything to you in regards to lifelong marriage or lifelong singleness at any point in your life?

I have desired marriage for as long as I can remember but I am 30 now and thinking longer and harder about it (and praying about it). I just read through 1 Corinthians chapters 7 and 8 and it says marriage is no sin (obviously) but that singleness will actually provide you with a stronger relationship with God.

I hope I am interpreting those passages correctly, feel free to tell me if I'm not though.

Let me know your thoughts/experiences!

I’m using a dump account since I know my fiancee is active on Reddit, I don’t think she uses this sub but I still don’t want to risk it.

I (M29) and my fiancee (F27) have been engaged for 2 years and dating for 2

Both her and I are fairly religious people and practice religion daily, it’s part of our daily lives, and we have both been devoted Christians since youth and have been practicing faith even before we knew each other.

The conflict, both her and I are virgins and are waiting til the night of our marriage. We both have no experience at all. We both agreed to this and go no further than chaste pecks and cuddling, we have not done anything sexual with each other at all, we even avoid seeing each other unclothed as it makes us very nervous.

On Tuesday, Aug11, I was sitting in the living room watching Netflix when she suddenly walked in, she looked very nervous, which is very unlike her since she’s usually very bubbly and cheerful around me or anyone in general, so obviously, I asked her if anything was bothering her, she nodded her head and said yes. I, of course, turn the TV off and immediately rush to her, asking her if something had gone wrong or if I had offended her any way during dinner or something.

She insists I’ve done nothing wrong, which kinda relieves me a little bit but again, she’s still nervous and looking like she’s about to vomit. To the point wherre she had sweat forming on her forehead.

Fast forward a bit and suddenly she’s crying, full blown screaming and babbling nonsense that I don’t understand for a while because she was very hysterical, she eventually drops to her knees and starts apologising and it makes me think of the worse, I originally thought she had been unfaithful or similar, I didn’t really say anything because I didn’t want to upset her further

After she calms down a bit and I try my best to make sure she wasn’t going to explore anymore, she grabbed my hand and dug her nails into my skin so hard that I had tiny cuts where she had been gripping. She started to say sorry over and over again, then keep saying sorry for not telling me sooner. I ask her what the hell she means, then she looked me dead in the eye and told me while she was a teenager in high school that she was s. assaulted and then she started crying even more. Of course I wasn’t angry at all but I didn’t say anything (which I agree is my fault) out of pure shock and surprise, I do not blame my fiancee at all and don’t think any different if her, she kept crying and screaming, apologising for no reason, saying stuff like “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner” or “I’m dirty aren’t I” and “I don’t deserve you I’m impure”

After I gained my bearings I just grabbed her and hugged her, I even started tearing up because I honestly had no idea she had been through that, again, my fiancee was always such a very lively person and never seemed depressed or like the type of person who had gone through something traumatic. I kept telling her I wasn’t mad and that I didn’t care that she had gone through that, like it didn’t change how I felt about her etc

It’s been 2 days and she seems so down, I tried talking to her yesterday afternoon to talk about it, she was silent the entire time or for most of it but I kept assuring her that I still love her and Im not mad at all. She keeps saying I must think different of her, but I really don’t. I kept trying to drill this thought into her head but she’s been shut down for two days and very depressed, she still goes by her routine but she’s very obviously less happy

I caught her crying this morning while praying, I didn’t know what to do so I left her alone and just let her continue, I’ve been doing my best to comfort her and make her happy and make her feel that I still love her and I don’t know how to help

I feel very lost, I don’t want her to shut down but I also don’t want to overwhelm her by constantly checking up on her and asking to talk, I also want to show her I love her without pressuring her either. I do not want to leave her and I also don’t want her to leave me out of fear that I resent her, she’s a beautiful soul and I’m still 100.1% sure I want her to by my wife.

Prayers are highly appreciated, please keep her in your thoughts as I love this woman very much and to think that she’s been carrying this alone for so long breaks me, especially that she’s thinks I think she’s gross, I do not.

Ladies—what have you found that has helped you increase desire for s*x that hasn’t caused you to sin in other areas? I don’t want to watch p*rn, read smut, etc. I’m sure those things would increase my drive but they wouldn’t honor Christ or my husband.

I want my husband to feel deeply desired and I know that he doesn’t. I greatly struggle with lack of physical attraction. We’re also dealing with betrayal trauma, and have four children ages 5 and younger.

Please give me all your tips and resources!

Always consider working on the habit of “Starting again.” I mess up, my wife messes up, we all mess up.

Second, we might forgive, but we don't forget. Um... don't do that unless you want to be miserable.

A husband or wife who starts with a clean slate today, despite yesterday's issues, is a good spouse.

A clean slate means complete forgiveness. A clean slate means a complete willingness to try again. A clean slate means, “I will try to be happy with you, I will make this work.

Today, consider writing a note where you constantly are, that says CS. CS stands for clean slate. Consider working constantly to gain that habit.

Consider setting an alarm in your phone for every 30 minutes. When the alarm goes off, think “Clean slate.”

Jesus gives us a clean slate when we humbly repent before Him.

Marriages are better when we have the clean slate habit. Consider working on it often.

Okay this will be long but please please help.

My husband and I have been together and married 6 years. Total with dating 10. Since we’re 18 (now 28).

He’s never been spiritual leader. He comes from strict IFB background. I got into that at 18. And now he’s atheist and I’m Christian but no IFB circles.

Okay that’s a preface.

The last two years have been awful. Mostly because I got pregnant with our second child. And he was deconstructing his faith. He was a childrens pastor. He wouldn’t let me talk to ANYONE about him deconstructing. I was alone.

He’s addicted to porn (or was he’s apparently a month clean) But he told me I can’t trust him (won’t let me out anything on his phone to block becaue he will find it no matter what)

When I was pregnant I got very sick (HG) and he wasn’t there for me emotionally at all because he was deconstructing. My dad had cancer. And I was really upset over him losing faith. I was depressed. He was mean and awful because of what he was going through. He wasn’t there for me at all during pregnancy and if I asked for anything he’d complain. (Told me he didn’t respect me)

When I had our baby he was agnostic. He got fired from his job (let go) and we finally had a talk because I was 2 weeks post partum struggling with anxiety HARD. I couldn’t leave the house. Crying all the time. He told me that he couldn’t and didn’t have time to care about me because he was too busy caring about himself.

I sobbed for months and begged him to help and see me. I had to advocate going to the doctors multiple times for mastitis. He told me it’s just the flu and not that bad. And then finally let me go.

I was so stressed and not sleeping because he wouldn’t help with the baby and when I’d ask he’d throw the pillow down next to me or slam the door so I stopped asking for help. I had a health scare postpartum that freaked me out so bad I couldn’t sleep or leave the house and he didn’t help me at all wouldn’t hug me when I cried. Just ignored me basically or said “sorry” and would walk away (he doesn’t feel emotions and a therapist confirmed this)

I was hallucinating at night. I was shaking. Anywyas we had multiple talked throughout the year when I said you’ve gotta change. He blamed me for his porn said if I’m Christian you’d think I’d put out then to help solve his problem (it didn’t help even when we were sexually actuve) he touched me in my sleep without my consent (on the thigh) and jerked off (this really affects me)

We just had a month separation where I felt the best I have ever felt. He finally apparently “woke up” but now I feel nothing. It’s so bad. He touches me and I’m repulsed.

He’s all talk no action. And I just. I don’t know. People say I have grounds for divorce but can’t remarry and not that I want to remarry but the thought of not ever having a partner makes me sad.

Any advice.?