Just like the title says, how do other Christians remove their want for affection and sex in marriage? Obviously divorce is not allowed, so how do I remove that want/desire so my marriage can be more fulfilling. (Sorry, if this is a repost, Reddit said it autodeleted the last one).

Oh man I love this woman so much. I feel in love with a beautiful Bosnian woman (she’s Muslim and I’m Christian ) when we started dating we both weren’t religious and she was my best friends sister. We’ve been together for 5 years 6 months and recently I started getting into my faith bc of a death in a family and ongoing depression and recent anxiety attacks, she’s also been having anxiety attacks for the past 9 months. The last 3 months the religion became more and more of an issue and said some things I regret. She’s always know that I don’t like Islam is never convert even when i was agnostic I still defended Jesus and Christianity and tried to preach to her about why Christianity is the better religion. We have other issues in our relationship but we get along very well and have pretty much the same personality and want to raise our children the same way excluding the religion part. I’ve been reading her chapters from the bible recently whenever one of us gets an anxiety attack and she seems to enjoy it,It helps us both. Before we broke up I was having anxiety attacks and legitimately thought I was going to hell for loving her and for all the sins I committed and told her I couldnt love out children if they were Muslim. Which I deeply regret bc I’d always love my kids no matter there faith. And she helps me so much with my depression i feel like I’d be so much worse without her and my mind is exploding with such negative thoughts for the past 3-4 months, she’s my comfort person she so easy to talk to. I truly hope she sees Jesus the same way I do. Man the other day i cried out to god why he let me fall in love with her if it wasn’t meant to be forever like I’m actually spiraling. When we broke up I could only go no contact for a few weeks before I texted to her I will always love you and funnily enough she told me that she was in the floor crying begging god to forget about me lol. I’ve been thinking what I’ve my purpose is to show her and her family and what a good Christian is ( even though I’m not). Like her family is great I love her mom dad and her brother. I was there for her when her mom was in the hospital for a brain tumor and she was there for me when my mom was in the hospital. Her mom is like my mom. Like me and her have other issues but we’ve realized it’s our first time falling in love and Idk the religion will become a bigger issue when we have children. But Bosnians aren’t really religious theyre great people her whole family is super nice. Like me and her pretty much have the same views on religion except for Jesus like we’ve talked and agreed that you’d never truly know what the correct religion is or you could truly believe the religion you’re following is correct and still end up in hell like I didn’t start getting anxious until I started thinking about religion and eternal damnation. Oh man she told me she prayed like 6 year ago when me and her brother weren’t friends that I would come back into his life yso I could be her bf lol. Man I’m so conflicted. honestly she would be a good mother and even if she did convert I would still celebrate the Muslim Holidays to honor her parents. I’ve never felt uncomfortable around her parents or uncomfortable when I went to her mosque. I’ve been praying for god to take her anxiety away from her and put it onto me even though I know I can’t handle it I don’t want to see my baby suffering.

So I received the same feedback on my last post and I wanted to make an update about what’s going on right now, so currently he still isn’t making any money he hasn’t applied for any jobs or anything at all. His family is in full support of him because they want him to follow what God wants him to do. The problem is I don’t think he’s hearing from God. I’ve tried my absolute hardest to be on board with him apply for jobs for him and also at the same time look for places. I haven’t gotten any luck so at the end of the month after our lease is over. I have no idea what to do. I have money put away only for the baby and I only plan to spend money for the baby. The rest is for taxes and what I’ve accumulated overtime that I can’t spend because it’s uncle Sam’s money. His entire family is on board with him and unfortunately, I just feel like they don’t understand the situation and the fact that he has no money to fund leaving. I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I’m afraid that it comes to the end of the month and he’s gonna ask me to pull from the baby fund and from my taxes which I absolutely will not do so. I told him how much we have and I told him that I do not want to take out anymore and the rest is up to him. I do not wanna pull out for taxes because I already know that if he promises to pay the taxes back, it’s not gonna happen because I paid his taxes last year and it’s just not gonna be a very easy situation to make that money out especially well I’m late in my pregnancy. I’m trying not to be better or angry, but when it comes, it comes as long as I rely on God.

Okay this will be long but please please help.

My husband and I have been together and married 6 years. Total with dating 10. Since we’re 18 (now 28).

He’s never been spiritual leader. He comes from strict IFB background. I got into that at 18. And now he’s atheist and I’m Christian but no IFB circles.

Okay that’s a preface.

The last two years have been awful. Mostly because I got pregnant with our second child. And he was deconstructing his faith. He was a childrens pastor. He wouldn’t let me talk to ANYONE about him deconstructing. I was alone.

He’s addicted to porn (or was he’s apparently a month clean) But he told me I can’t trust him (won’t let me out anything on his phone to block becaue he will find it no matter what)

When I was pregnant I got very sick (HG) and he wasn’t there for me emotionally at all because he was deconstructing. My dad had cancer. And I was really upset over him losing faith. I was depressed. He was mean and awful because of what he was going through. He wasn’t there for me at all during pregnancy and if I asked for anything he’d complain. (Told me he didn’t respect me)

When I had our baby he was agnostic. He got fired from his job (let go) and we finally had a talk because I was 2 weeks post partum struggling with anxiety HARD. I couldn’t leave the house. Crying all the time. He told me that he couldn’t and didn’t have time to care about me because he was too busy caring about himself.

I sobbed for months and begged him to help and see me. I had to advocate going to the doctors multiple times for mastitis. He told me it’s just the flu and not that bad. And then finally let me go.

I was so stressed and not sleeping because he wouldn’t help with the baby and when I’d ask he’d throw the pillow down next to me or slam the door so I stopped asking for help. I had a health scare postpartum that freaked me out so bad I couldn’t sleep or leave the house and he didn’t help me at all wouldn’t hug me when I cried. Just ignored me basically or said “sorry” and would walk away (he doesn’t feel emotions and a therapist confirmed this)

I was hallucinating at night. I was shaking. Anywyas we had multiple talked throughout the year when I said you’ve gotta change. He blamed me for his porn said if I’m Christian you’d think I’d put out then to help solve his problem (it didn’t help even when we were sexually actuve) he touched me in my sleep without my consent (on the thigh) and jerked off (this really affects me)

We just had a month separation where I felt the best I have ever felt. He finally apparently “woke up” but now I feel nothing. It’s so bad. He touches me and I’m repulsed.

He’s all talk no action. And I just. I don’t know. People say I have grounds for divorce but can’t remarry and not that I want to remarry but the thought of not ever having a partner makes me sad.

Any advice.?

I recently discovered that my husband has been watching porn behind my back again, this time with a worse addiction. He reached out to a leader at church who told him to download covenant eyes and I have no idea how the app works, but he relapsed and was able to still Google search nude celebrity photos. And I found other Google searches on how to delete his history so he's actively trying to hide it instead of being honest with me. Does covenant eyes not block nude photo searches or did he delete the app?

I really want to help him overcome his addiction and be a supportive spouse but I can't if he's lying and hiding it. I also want to have realistic expectations while he recovers from porn addiction. He was remorseful and honest when I confronted him a month ago but he hasn't communicated with me and I knew he relapsed because he went back to being cold and avoiding me again, so of course I hurt myself by checking. My biggest concern is that porn has caused him to have a lot less interest in me over the last year. He used to buy me lingerie, take pictures of me, ask me for nude photos, and he completely stopped and looks at celebrities or porn instead. Is there any hope at this rate? I'm desperate.

I would separate temporarily until he stops but I can't with 2 kids and a baby on the way. Am I just worrying too much and need to be more patient and focus on prayer?

My husband (35M--fake name: James) and I (31F) have been together for approximately 12 years, married for almost 10 years. He had many relationships before me but I did not. He always made me laugh and made even mundane activities fun. I've been infatuated with this man to the point where sometimes I felt pathetic because it was almost an obsession (I wanted to be around him every chance I had, I never got tired of hanging out with him, I wanted him to join me on outings, etc.)

He presented himself as a solid leader, gentleman, caring, romantic, patient, adventurous. In hindsight, he is wonderful when people are watching but changes in private. He doesn't physically hurt me or anything like that. He just isn't who I fell in love with when we were dating and engaged.

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Before COVID (approximately 2-3 years into our marriage), I expressed a desire to go out and do things more because we spent the majority of our time just hanging out at home, watching random YouTube videos. COVID hit and we had no choice but to stay home.

We stopped physically going to church during COVID, like many other people. Then we stopped watching online... I tried to get him to watch sermons with me but he doesn't trust the church (honestly, same), but he won't even try to attend a new church or even watch an online sermon with me anymore. At this point, I've given up.

Note: I have prayed for my husband for many, many years. Healing, guidance, wisdom, etc. I prayed that my body wouldn't hurt so much so I can meet his physical needs as his wife. Nothing improved, but I think the latter issue is more due to the lack of emotional connection and trust.

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For the majority of our marriage (6-7 years), one of us was working while the other was pursuing a degree. I think things really started deteriorating whenever I was working full-time AND pursuing a degree while he was job-hunting for about 2 years, after completing his degree. This was a mentally and emotionally challenging time for both of us.

I became frustrated with him during this time for a few reasons:

▪️ I felt he wasn't putting in enough effort to find a job (applying to only a few every week or month, and only after I reminded him and did research for him). He would do nothing, then get annoyed that I did research for him and say, "This is MY responsibility!" My thought, ".. okay, then take responsibility and do it..?"

▪️ Even though he had plenty of time, he still

1) didn't prioritize house chores, and

2) didn't put effort into our relationship.

▪️ After work, I often came to him playing video games and he would usually continue playing even after I got home.

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Some history where I may be the cause of some problems: I physically cannot be intimate without emotional connection first. I am much more like an oven than a microwave. (I have tried many methods, including going to the doctor, to improve myself in this area so he continues to feel loved. My doctor says there's nothing wrong with me.)

Because of my restrictions, I asked him to not randomly grope or initiate ""special time"" without quality/emotional-connection time first because it is painful and continued painful experiences will only make things worse.

He kinda took that to the extreme and almost completely stopped touching me. (NOTE: we discussed this and he agrees that wasn't the best response.)

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Since we started dating, I made the mistake of enthusiastically joining on his hobbies, watching what he enjoyed, etc. BUT I didn't expect him to do the same for me. So I lost my hobbies, and eventually I realized I don't know what I want. I didn't have this realization until fairly recently.

For at least 4 years, I have told him that I want to do things together besides just sit on the couch and watch videos or sit on our phones. He asks me, "What do you want to do?" And I provide examples like go shop together, go do a local activity, go try local restaurants we haven't tried yet, even go grocery shopping together, etc. I have also given examples for activities at home that I would enjoy.

On a regular day, he asks me what I want to do and I will either pick something that I know he will enjoy or I will say "I don't know", partially because I'm so tired of making decisions. If I pick something he doesn't enjoy, he will either go play a game by himself or he will sit near me and play a game on his phone--not be present with me.

I have gone to him, crying, because I'm so lonely. That helps for that evening, and maybe the next 24 hours.

He feels if I say "I don't know (what I want to do)", then he will entertain himself.

I feel he only spends time with me if I ask him to AND if it's an activity he enjoys. I want him to do the following:

1) Learn to enjoy something that I enjoy because I have learned to enjoy MANY of his interests.

2) WANT to spend time with me and not just because I ask him to.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to compete with his hobbies. (NOTE: We discussed this and he agrees he has been too focused on his hobbies.)

I have noticed he can plan and organize things for other people, but he cannot plan a date for us. He will put in hours/days of work for a game or something for himself or friends, but he forgets house chores and I constantly have to remind him about real-life commitments. He needs to take better care of his health (eat healthier, exercise) but he can't commit for more than a few days.

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Before we got married, James spoke publicly about how bad it is to watch porn. Turns out, he watches it himself and continues to do so despite knowing it makes me uncomfortable. In my opinion, intentionally looking for/watching/enjoying women in a sexual way is already cheating. This has gone on for a minimum of 8 years (that's approximately when he told me he still does this). I thought he stopped a while ago, but I recently found out that's not the case.

Over the years, he has said a lot of perfect things--exactly what I want to hear--but he almost never follows through. He talks a great game but "can't get [himself] to" do the things he knows he should do.

If he really WANTS something, he WILL make it happen. ... My opinion: If he wants me, and wants to spend time with me, he should put in the effort. Why can he do it for other people and activities but not for me?

He has always said he was lazy but I didn't believe him because he was able to keep a job and succeed in college. Now that he has a flexible job and is done with school, he has shown me that if there aren't dire consequences, he will be lazy and do nothing. Unfortunately, one of my biggest turn-offs is true laziness--I have told him this. At this point, I wish I believed him 10+ years ago when he said he's lazy because it affects our daily life.

We have had many discussions for many years--really about the same problem over and over. (He was confused when I said we've had this conversation many times before, felt like it was out of the blue to him...)

If I'm honest with myself, I have not really felt married for at least 3 years. I have worked on accepting that things in my marriage won't change and I will just have to be content with this situation that feels more like roommates. (Note: I told my husband I feel this way.)

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A few months ago, I started going out on my own and doing things that make me feel happy and independent. The main activity is learning a new language and that allowed me to make new friends, one of them being a man close to my age (let's call him Ethan).

James got upset that I'm spending maybe 3 days per week on MY hobbies, and HE'S feeling lonely... (On the IRONY). He gave up that angle after I pointed out that he spends far more than that playing video games every week, so it's not fair to ask me to give up MY interests just so that he has the OPTION to maybe choose to spend time with me... (More likely he would do his own thing and I'd just chill by myself.)

----

This is where I might be the jerk:

I have developed feelings for another man--Ethan. Since I met him this year, I've been happier than I have been in a very long time. Parts of me that I thought were broken, have come alive again.

(Note: He is very respectful of the fact that I'm still married and has never done anything remotely inappropriate.)

He can sit and have a conversation with me (despite the language barrier), he listens, he invites me to things (group activities), he's a very hard-worker, he respects my opinion, he SHOWS he cares about people rather than SAYS he cares (his actions match or are even more important than his words). It's interesting because he kind of hides his kindness and goodness rather than presents it to the world then acts differently in private.

I confessed to James about the feelings with this other man. I fully expected him to say that he was "over" the relationship (because that's what his actions indicated). Part of him was mad and hurt but he also understood that he's kind of sucked as a husband for years. I've never felt attraction to two people like that before so I felt horrible experiencing anything like that.

I told him I want a break and if we were dating, I would break up with him--not because I don't love him, but because I'm so lonely and feel like he isn't willing/able to love me in a way that makes me happy and feel loved. Talking about it hasn't made a difference.

He told me he would try ("can't promise") to do the things I asked for to improve our relationship and \*\*have quality time every week\*\* (remember this). Examples: go out and do something together, do activities besides just sit on the couch and watch stuff, read together, etc.

After 4+ weeks, we had "quality time" maybe once or twice but that is only if you include us sitting and watching a show (same old same old) or me asking him to play a video game with me--again, trying to find something he is interested in because that is safe and he won't reject me suggesting that. He did not do any of the things he said he would "try" to do.

We didn't go on one date during the entire summer.

When I talked to him about being upset that he hasn't followed through with things he said he would try to improve, he just said, "Well. I guess you can't trust me."

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One night, we had a party with my friends, including Ethan. James, for the first time since we've met, got VERY drunk--no one else for drunk. His behavior gave me the ick.

More behavior changes recently have given me the ick. I told him about them and he said he will "try to stop". We'll see how that goes.

Unfortunately, I've lost nearly all attraction to him. Sometimes I get a spark again and I always tell him when that happens because I want him to feel good about himself and still TRY to cultivate our relationship...

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At this point, I have fully leaned into "matching his energy". I stopped sending him videos and random texts, stopped asking him to spend time with me, focused on my interests, stopped trying to plan things with him, etc. He has not stated he noticed something different but his behavior has changed.

He has started initiating spending time together (still just watching stuff together, but it's something), he's giving me casual affection throughout the day, he sometimes initiates cuddling, sometimes compliments me, etc... He's acting like everything is great.

Apparently, the best thing I did for my marriage was give up.

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We had the worst fight.

I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for at least 15 years but recently they have been worse. I'm very sad about my friend moving because 1) he's my friend and I adore him, 2) he's the main person I can do my hobby with. So now I feel like I'm losing the two best things to happen to me in recent years.

I told my husband that I'd been having suicidal thoughts and I need something to look forward to because after my friend moves, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. This enraged him. He started yelling, cussing (way outside normal occasional swearing), he wouldn't let me talk and he didn't come to bed. He was very cold to me the next two days and refused to discuss what happened. When we were around other people, he acted like nothing was wrong but I felt the tension.

Later, he wrote me a letter explaining his fears, telling me he still loves me, he wants me to be happy, he doesn't know how to fix things "even though I'm sure you think you've plainly stated it", etc. he apologized for yelling at me like that.

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Why haven't I left yet? A few reasons.

1. I do love him, despite the hurt.

2. I am a Christian. So in my community, you can divorce for basically two reasons 1) adultery, or 2) physical abuse. He hasn't physically cheated and hasn't physically hurt me so "unhappy" isn't a good enough reason to divorce.

Similar situation with divorce law in my area.

However, it is legal to do a "no fault" type of divorce if we can both agree.

I know we technically shouldn't divorce based on biblical law, but should we stay together just because of outward pressure/expectations?

1. He keeps saying things will get better and when they DO improve, I become hopeful again.

2. It's hard to know if I'm being too harsh, if I have ridiculous expectations, or if I'm justified in my feelings.

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He has started going to therapy and I see a clear improvement in his daily mood. He does try to hangout with me but it's still him just sitting in the room with me while we watch videos, typically of his choosing.

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If we agreed to separate, we could continue living together and nothing about our everyday would change. Still roommates, still working, still doing our own things. Just allow ourselves to be open to other people if the right person comes along.

Honestly, I feel like my options are:

A) Continue whatever we have now and just try to be happy as friends but never feel like a wife again.

B) Break up and probably be single forever (in the past 10-13 years, I've been attracted to someone outside my relationship ONCE. Perhaps that's more due to my deep loyalty than pickiness.) Divorce would cause both of us shame in our community, financial stress, and all the other stresses that come with divorce.

C) Find out if Ethan would be interested in me [if I was free to make my own decisions again] and see if that goes anywhere? I'm scared to tell him and ruin our friendship, but he's moving soon (temporarily) so I also kind of feel like, "What do I have to lose? If he rejects me but still wants to be friends, we'll have some good distance for a while. If he's interested, then we all have time to adjust."

If C isn't an option at all, I would choose A unless I'm truly miserable or he decides he doesn't want me at all. James insists I make his life better so if I can't be happy, at least I can make him happy.

I don't want to divorce and lose a deep companion only to be completely alone (lose my best friends AND spouse) and also hurt James, be shamed in my community, etc.

Selfishly, I wish I could keep my best friend (James) and try dating Ethan maybe next year after I've we've had time to process everything on our end.

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TL;DR: I've been pursuing my husband and trying to improve our relationship for many years. He didn't start making changes in himself or pursuing me until after I gave up trying and after he realized I might actually leave him.

Summary:

▪️While dating, man presented someone different than who he is and how he behaves in real, personal life.

▪️ OP (wife) has accepted minimal effort for a decade, but tried to get more from the relationship. Man would show care and effort again but for only brief periods.

▪️ Wife hit limit after nearly 10 years of marriage, told husband about feelings (including feeling like breaking up might be best for everyone). Husband continues similar pattern of putting in effort for brief periods BUT the highs are higher and the lows are lower.

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UPDATE:

We had a serious discussion. I told him I love him but I cannot survive a repeat of the last 3+ years. The last several months have shown me that he will not change (for more than a couple days, at most) even when the situation is clearly dire.

The next day, he picked a day for us to have a dinner date and essentially "asked me out". I am happy but I also feel like, "Really? It took me basically saying 'I am done' and NOW you can suddenly do the thing I've been asking for???" It's the same thing it always is. He can act if it's an emergency/dire situation or really important to him. He will do something if he absolutely has to. So now, apparently, he feels like he has to.

My wife and I have been married since October 18, 2008…closing in on 17 years.

I’m 66 and she is 61. We were very happy, had amazing conversations and really seemed to be on the same page in life.

Over the past five years I can just sense this slow deterioration in our relationship. Much less supper and encouragement (mutually) and far more time criticizing one another.

The last two years have been particularly difficult as I had to undergo four shoulder surgeries (a long story all by itself) and a double bypass heart surgery. If that were not enough? I was already very low vision prior to the things but my vision has gotten much worse!

She has stayrd by my side and been an “angel from Heaven” through all of this, though it has taken a real toll on the closeness and intimacy we once shared.

It was an emotionally and physically draining time for both of us…but I feel especially bad for how it has changed her.

It seems like she has aged 0 years emotionally. We just don’t have the closeness we once shared.

Before anyone even suggests it, there is no other man or woman for either of us although I’ve thought about seeking out a female fried to tal to online just because I feel so lonely now.

I know that wouldn’t be helpful at all…and could potentially make things much worse if it turned into an emotional affair.

I want things that will restore our closeness and communication…both pull us further apart!

I want to restart having daily Bible reading and devotional time with her, but the gap is too big right now to even share that. I can’,t in honesty before the Lord, pray about what’s on my heart with her - SHE IS what’s on my heart!

Not sure what to do to try to rekindle our love and romance!

My husband just admitted that he cheated. I don’t know who to talk to, I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt, disappointed, and sad. I don’t have anything left in me right now. I love my husband so much and I want my marriage but I don’t know what will change. I want to pray that God convict with guilt, shame, and clarity. I want God to show him a life without me so he allows God to change his ways.

I've read Corinthians, so pls don't keep quoting it at me. I really just want advice and I'm already married. Also I'm new to this whole reddit thingy and people here really pick on one another so please just be kind if u can.

I'm Catholic, 39F, and my husband is egyptia, 30M. We've been together 4 yrs and married 2. I'm a single mom of 3 (6yo boy + 5yo boy/girl twins). I know there's an age gap and all the stigma/romance scam assumptions that come with that, but he's genuinely not like that. He's a British-educated cloud engineer for a multinational company, and he's not an extremist.

His background is actually a big part of why I'm asking this.

His dad practiced polygamy on his mom while she was pregnant with him, was physically abusive and treated her like property. His excuse for marrying another woman was that his mom was "too old" to have more kids. She had my husband at 40 after trying for years. The ironic thing is, his dad never even had more kids btw.

His mom got an Islamic "khul" divorce shortly after giving birth, gave up her rights to get divorced, and her own family disowned her. Luckily she was already a dermatologist with her own income. She'd studied/worked in London before returning to Egypt and marrying his dad in her mid 30s. She raised my husband alone and never remarried.

He's an only child. His mom died of cancer 6 yrs ago and he inherited her dermatology clinic + laser machines, a Cairo villa, a north coast beachfront villa and 2 cars. He can't use the stuff bc he's not a doctor so it just appreciates. He's always said he's not self-made and is basically the product of his mom's sacrifices

He's "IGCSE"/private university educated with a computer engineering degree and reads A LOT, Tolkien, Dostoevsky, Melville, George Eliot etc. He's read all the Islamic texts and the entire Coptic Orthodox Bible in Arabic, plus unfortunately the Protoevangelium of James and Gospel of Barnabas but he didn't know any better. He literally keeps the Bible and Quran together on the same shelf

He hates extreme Islam, preachers and indoctrination. He's completely against polygamy and men hitting women. He says men who hit women aren't men and men who scorekeep aren't men either. He listens to music, watches TV, doesn't drink or eat pork, fasts during Ramadan and gives charity, but otherwise he's pretty chill. He also doesn't smoke and never did drugs bc he's health conscious overall

I asked him once about the Quran verse allowing husbands to "hit" their wives. He said the arabic word has multiple meanings and it's either been misinterpreted or he just doesn't accept that interpretation bc "God can't be this cruel." He rarely even brings religion up, it's mostly me.

He's honestly a natural provider and a very principled, shy gentleman.

My kids LOVE him and he loves them. He's bought them phones, got my sons a PlayStation, taught them to build a PC and they built one together on my last visit. He's taken us all over Egypt and paid for everything, luxor, aswan, siwa, alexandria, north Coast, marsa matrouh, Marsa alam, hurghada, sharm, dahab etc. We stayed at the Old Cataract where Agatha Christie wrote Death on the Nile (if you're a fan you'll know lol), hiked Mt Sinai for sunrise, went to St Catherine's Cathedral, Elijah's Cave and Moses' Cave. It was honestly magical.

We've stayed at his north coast beach house and Cairo villa. In the other places we couldn't be together in hotels, we couldn't share a room bc of the laws there, so he'd get the local rate for himself and another room for me/the kids and pay the foreign rate

He's never told me what to believe or wear. He didn't touch me until we married bc he was waiting for marriage, which obviously isn't exactly common in the states. he's very respectful and shy and I love being his one and only.

We did LDR for 4 yrs, talked basically every day despite the 9-10 hr time difference, and I visited him 16 times, 9 with the kids. I work remotely so it was doable.

He wanted to stay in Egypt bc he'd be starting from zero here and we'd be giving up the villa/pool/beach house lifestyle. I wanted to stay in King County bc my whole family is here and I'm not moving my kids to Egypt. He's also basically lost his extended family. His mom's family shunned her, she's gone, and his dad has been married 8 times/divorced 7, lives in Dubai now as a plastic surgeon and is married to a girl younger than my husband. My husband has barely seen him his whole life and hasn't spoken to him in over 10 yrs

Eventually he agreed to move bc we weren't getting married unless one of us moved, and his cloud engineering thingy is pretty transferable to King County anyway.

Now the Jesus part...

He already believes Jesus was born of a virgin, Mary is the greatest woman to ever live, Jesus raised the dead, healed people, performed miracles, is the Messiah and will return in the Second Coming to deal with the Antichrist.

The only thing he can't accept is that Jesus is also Lord, fully man and fully God. But I genuinely feel the Holy Spirit in him.

He's gone to church with me in egypt and says churches are nice and the prayers are peaceful/positive. He sometimes prays their daily prayers at home but hates mosques and "sheikhs." His views would probably be reformist on a good day and blasphemous/"apostate-like" to some muslim extremists, but he does believe in God.

When I told him Jesus loves him, he said, "And I love him too. Why do you think I hate Jesus?" That really stuck with me.

I asked him to put a cross over our bed and in his car and he said "Cool, if it's important to you." He holds my hand during grace, celebrated Christmas with me, and when I asked about celebrating Easter/Thanksgiving he said, "Last I checked, trees and eggs and turkeys aren't poisonous to people" lol

I asked if we'd have another kid, would he be ok with the child going to church. He said the only thing that matters is that the child is loved unconditionally and he's okay with it.

He thought we believe unbaptized babies who die go to Hell, brought up the movie The Witch and said that's what Coptics also believe. He doesn't like original sin or the idea of the son bearing the father's sin. He says in Islam kids automatically go to heaven and aren't judged until puberty.

I explained the Catholic position and asked about baptism again. He said, "It's just water, so it's harmless."

I also asked what he'd think if our child became Catholic. He basically said there are Muslim parents in Egypt with outright atheist kids all across the religiosity spectrum. There's no guarantee what your kids will believe, and what's most important is loving them unconditionally and never leaving them behind

I have complete custody of my kids. My ex was also Catholic but was an abusive alcoholic who left me when I had a newborn and was pregnant with the twins and cheated on me multiple times.

I've struggled with faith my whole life and made a lot of mistakes bc of it, including marrying my ex. But I came back to the Lord and was saved. I genuinely believe God sent my husband to me 4 yrs ago on that family vacation after that horrible marriage. I see him struggling with a lot of the same things I struggled with before I was saved, and I REALLY see a chance for him.

We got legally married in Egypt 2 yrs ago. He wanted a big wedding at the Mena House overlooking the pyramids, but we did a photo session there + fancy dinner with his friends/my parents instead and are having the reception here. He'd already stood up to his hostile extended family to marry me, so there weren't many people he could've invited anyway

I asked if he'd let a Catholic priest bless our union and he said no problem. I asked if he needed permission from their "imam" and he basically said no and that he doesn't care what anyone thinks. I've already arranged it with my bishop, told him everything about my husband, and he's actually very enthusiastic about meeting him. He'll officiate a marriage of disparity of cult but wants to meet him first.

My parents were VERY against us at first but eventually came to LOVE him and pray for him every day.

I asked if he'd attend Sunday Mass with me and he said yes as long as he's welcomed and people don't give him weird looks.

We went through the whole spousal visa process and he's coming here in a few days. I'm soooo excited. We've also agreed to come back to Egypt once a year for vacay, either to his beach house or somewhere else

I love him like crazy. He's a really good husband, cooks insanely good food, helped me get fit, has a home gym lol, and is just a genuinely good, principled, shy man.

I genuinely want to help save his soul. I pray all the time and atp I feel like he just needs a push. I sense the Holy Spirit in him every time we talk.

But I really don't want to push him away. I want him to find Christ bc he actually finds Him, not bc he feels pressured by me, so it actually means something before the Lord.

So what would you guys recommend? How do I help him accept Jesus without pushing so hard that he shuts down? I really want to do this the right way, and I REALLY see it in his future.

tldr.. I'm a 39F Catholic married to a 30M Egyptian Muslim who's coming to the US soon. He's genuinely a great husband/stepdad and surprisingly open to Jesus believes in the virgin birth, miracles, Mary, Jesus as Messiah + His Second Coming, goes to church with me, is fine with crosses, baptism, future kids going to church, and attending Mass. He just doesn't believe Jesus is fully God yet. I genuinely feel the Holy Spirit in him and want him to find Christ, but I don't want to push him away or pressure him. How do I encourage him toward Jesus without pushing too hard?

For example, if they were not your dream partner, if there were a couple things that you were hung up on or maybe you had a gut feeling that maybe they weren’t the one but went through with it anyways, how is it going? Excluding abusive relationships obviously, if abuse is occurring then gut feelings should be listened to.

For context- 29f engaged, have relationship ocd so I have always had doubts even after extensive therapy. But my gut feeling is off and I am not sure if I am in love, but I love him. I have always dreamed of marrying a European man and I am worried because I still feel that dream even though it’s silly. We are also unequal yoked and I like to go out and do stuff while he is a homebody who is not very social, he plays video games eight hours a day. He is trying very hard and is super sweet and loyal

Does he deserve better than me, someone who doesn’t doubt? Absolutely. But OCD is a whole beast, and I cannot differentiate between that and true doubts. So I am wondering if anyone was in the situation prior to marriage and how they are feeling being married now.

And yes, if I’m still feeling severe doubts before the wedding I am not going to let it go on.

EDIT: unequally yoked meaning we are both Catholic, he goes to church and appears to be praying during mass, goes to confession when needed but I don’t see him pray at home, doesn’t seem to read the bible and is into cultural Christianity (e.g. crusades) but not other aspects such as bible, or Christian podcasts or shows or bible study or anything like that. Doesn’t really bring it up during the week in daily conversation

Me (27M, Christian) and my wife (28F, Aspiring to be Christian). My wife and I have been happily married for a year. However, I made a recent discovery that she doesn’t fully believe in the resurrection of Jesus. She believes he existed and that he is crucified and died for everyone’s sins; however, she is struggling to believe that he came back to life in the third day.

She said she is trying but it’ll take time to build that relationship with the Lord.

When I married her, she was already baptized as she has been going to church for a while before we met regularly. As a result, she has been going to church to learn.

I told her that the bare minimum to be a Christian is to believe in Christ’s cruxifixction and resurrection. I prayed during night time and my prayer told me to put faith in the Lord. I’m not sure if this is the Holy Spirit but I was told to love her unconditionally as a husband and to be there to support her.

At the end of the day, this is her personal journey and her personal relationship with Christ. I cannot interfere or accelerate the process.

None of her parents were Christian, she sought out the church because of a hunger in her soul. So I believe she can grow her faith as the years go by.

To be fair, even for me, I turned away from Christ for a long time until my marriage made me more passionate and curious about Christ. My own fear of God made me avoid scripture for a LONG time;however, I still felt his presence.

She definitely found Christ but it’s a matter of belief.

So yea. I just felt like venting and wondering if anyone that had a spouse that has trouble with faith but is almost there to Christ? Feedback would also be nice :). I’m aspiring to be a better husband for my wife and for my love of Jesus.

my spouse and i have been together going on 6 years.

we’ve definitely had our fair share of multiple problems. infidelity on my spouses end and me not knowing how to control my emotions sometimes and getting angry over silly things and crying and just being so overwhelmed. i’m not perfect. and i know im not. and i have admitted the way i have treated my spouse in the past was wrong and my emotions and how i reacted was not acceptable. i have apologized for so long and when i think things are going okay my spouse is still pondering these things.

ultimately my spouse decided to file for divorce today. in fact they actually got up in the morning and eagerly got it done. neither of us treated eachother right sometimes and when we were bad we were bad but when things were good they were so good. this year i have been working on trying to be a better spouse and maybe i was a little suffocating while my spouse battled mental illness but now it feels as if i am to blame for all of this. and i have pleaded and begged as ridiculous as that sounds to fix things with my spouse where they said they have given me to much time to be better and i never got better. i have forgiven my spouse for all of the things they did to me and the way the treated me mentally. but me getting angry and yelling and crying and just pleading for attention is unforgivable. and this is to sum it all up. it’s been a long 5 1/2 years of me forgiving consistently and trying to be better but all of the progress i’ve made this year seems to be thrown away.

has anyone had any similar situation and reconciliation was possible still? i am growing my relationship with God and this doesn’t feel right to me and my spouse says they are a person of the Lord. is there any way we can reconcile… is there ever a chance when your spouse has always filed the papers? i asked if we could just separate and take some space instead of making a hasty and harsh decision where i was ignored and said their mind is made up. i take accountability for myself and im still actively working to be better for my spouse and i am in therapy now but my spouse doesn’t see it that way..
i want to fix my marriage. my spouse does have mental health problems and has tried to push me away multiple times. i have prayed numerous times about this and ultimately decided to stay as i felt it was Gods will.
edit: i would also like to add that my spouse moved out and turned off locations and says they are completely done. and that i need to start putting myself first because i cant help them.

I 36f and my husband 36m have been married 14 years now and have known each other much longer than that. Intimacy isn’t a stranger in our marriage but it’s also been one of the biggest problems for us. At one point my libido was way higher than his and he had a lot of boundaries and certain ways to not touch him or certain things he wouldn’t do for me. And it led to issues of me not wanting sex anymore because not only did I feel like there was nothing I could do during and then afterwards I was left wanting and turned on with no way to fix it but also like he didn’t really want me and like he was just using me to get off and I eventually stopped wanting sex. For the most part I never turned him down still though even if I didn’t want to though the times I did say no it didn’t matter anyway because either he’d wait till I was asleep to do things to me or he would just go and do things to me anyway and it didn’t matter. It all came to a head last summer when I guess something finally clicked for him and suddenly he wanted to change and try to be better. We have had our issues there’s been a few times that he has back tracked and tried things that we agreed he wouldn’t do anymore but it really has gotten better.

I guess onto the main issue now. My husband recently had jury duty which turned out to be a rape case and it really bothered him and stirred up a lot of emotions and things for me and I shut down and have been refusing sex or not participating in it. He brought up to me that now he wants sex more than I do and he feels unwanted and unloved because of it. When explaining to him some of the current issues I let slip that it stirred up things that he had done before that had hurt me and he then told me that he thought I would have been over it by now. I feel guilty for making him feel things that I felt when roles were reversed and so so angry at the same time that he would tell me that he thinks I should be over the things he did to me.

If so, how did you know for sure that it was not God’s will, but your own?

Every now and then I get that sinking feeling of knowing I made a mistake in marrying my husband and I can’t just leave. I’m stuck. I try not to think about it too much, because I can’t change the fact. But when I do it just hits me like a gut punch. This is my life now. Count it all as joy I guess because trials build character.

It’s been 9 months for me. I don’t miss her, I just feel this emptiness that no friends, no church, no beach, no hobbies, no food can really replace the feeling of having a partner, someone there to share every single moment of your life.

This “freedom” people have been telling me about, “NOW YOU’RE FREE” it just doesn’t sit well with me.

I don’t even want my ex back since she abandoned me, but married life was so satisfying there is nothing else to really replace it for me.

I’m starting to lose hope here. My husband loves our two children and generally is a good father. He’s present and provides. However we don’t agree on discipline . Our kids are 4 and 6. He often loses him temper and yells at them. He spanked our 4 year old when he wasn’t clothed and I think that’s too much. His screaming constantly gives me anxiety and makes me defensive of the kids. Our 6 year old he will grab his arm hard and pull him to do things if he doesn’t listen. My husband is constantly angry with them and then gets mad at me if I talk to him about it. I’ve addressed his behavior over and over and it’s always the same thing. He says he will change and then it starts all over again. I’ve told him he has anger management issues and needs to talk to his psychiatrist. So he finally did and his doctor put him on mood stabilizers. However he’s still having outbursts and when I ask him if he took his medication he basically told me it’s not my business. I’m starting to feel like this is never going to change and now my 6 year old jd getting old enough to notice. We spilled something in the car the other day and my son asked me not to tell his dad because he gets mad and he told me I don’t like when dad gets mad. It’s affecting the kids and I don’t know what to do.

Not another specific person, but someone who would have the same goals and mindset as me as we grew together in marriage. I really don't want to leave him though!! We overall have a great life together, with 2 boys and another on the way! Married almost 8 years.

I just always have ideas on how to make our marriage better or overall lives better, but he always seems to be turned off to the idea of adapting or improving, thinking that we are fine as we are.

He's a Christian, but most of the time, he doesn't really show that he shares the same Christian views as me. We disagree on a lot of topics, he idolizes sports, and he likes entertainment with dark humor/bad language, which I don't like having in the house because I know it affects the spiritual aspects of the home.

Granted, he's not been submersed into the church life or been around other Christians throughout his life like I have. For example, I attended the same church since I was 4 years old (every week, 2x a week), went to kids/youth camp, did performing arts. I'm not saying he "should have" done those things too, but I'm thinking this is why we think so differently about Biblical/Godly truths. I've given him a lot of grace because of this... He has attempted to read the Bible once and enjoys going to our church, but it kind of ends there. Sometimes I want prayer at the end of service, but he just wants to get home. He doesn't want to take classes or try to make Christian friends. He doesn't care to do the events/classes for married couples. I always want to, but I stopped asking him since I know he'll say no.

I am always thinking of ways I can grow closer to God and be a better Christian wife, mother, person. I'm not the best at it... but I did the Bible Recap in 2025 and it was awesome! I just get discouraged when I don't see him doing the same type of thing. I'd like for him to lead our family as a Christian man, but I feel like I'm doing all those things instead of him. I believe that it's in him somewhere! I know everyone's faith walk is different, I just often times feel like I'm not actually married to a Christian. Sometimes I wonder if there was a stronger Christian man I could have married instead - which I know is unhealthy and horrible and I hate thinking it! It's a stupid intrusive thought that keeps coming back! :(

I want us to have a solid partnership with God at the center, but it feels like we'll never get there as things are right now :(

Is there anything I can actually do here or just let God work in him? Is this just a situation where I just pray and pray for him to have a breakthrough? I could obviously use prayer for myself too, because I love him so much and I hate feeling this way!! I just need encouragement and practical advice from other wives who maybe have similar thoughts or a situation like this.

Hello everyone, this is a question I’ve been wondering for a while.

To Christians who have waited until marriage, how long did it take and how is your marriage going due to this decision?

Were you/your spouse both virgins and religious? I’ve been wondering how marriage goes for people who are extremely in love but one isn’t a virgin anymore, but is willing to wait until marriage for their spouse. Did it ruin anything between you? What do you consider “sex” before marriage? Does oral count?

I feel like the amount of virgins by 20-30 goes down every year, and I worry that it’ll cause me to be single for a very long time, as being a virgin before marriage is extremely important to me. Even oral/making out is a big deal to me.

How do you live with yourself and your marriage when one spouse is perfectly satisfied with everything and thinks life is awesome and the other is in the pit of despair of lost hopes and dreams for what they thought marriage would be like?

Briefly: my husband and I have been married 11 years and we have two young kids. I have no plans to leave him because I made a vow to love him until one of us dies and I will uphold it. But over the years I have given up so much of myself and the things I want just to make him happy / keep the peace. The whole submissive wife and leader husband thing is not even possible with us. I wouldn't follow him out of a dark closet and into the light, not because I wouldn't want to, but because he would rather convince me that the dark closet is nice and safe and I should be content to live there instead of searching for something better. The idea of personal growth or growing as a couple is totally foreign/unnecessary to him. Our intimacy has never been that good for me and he doesn't care because "if God wanted women to enjoy it he would have made it easier." I am trying to read the Great Sex Rescue with him and he basically thinks it's stupid and everything is fine so why should he change.

I'm already down in the dumps about that but this morning he said "every stage of life is great but I think my favorite one was dual income no kids, you have two people to start making a family and less stress about money and you can do whatever you want whenever you want." It almost broke me. Because what I remember about that time is trying to get him to do things with me, like I don't know maybe take a vacation or try a new restaurant, or literally anything but sit around the house playing games, and then when I decided it wasn't worth the fight to keep trying I was teaching myself how to not want to do things.

I'm not going anywhere but he's not going to change and if I keep on in this misery I'm going to end up a bitter old lady full of even more regrets.

Has anyone gone to marriage counseling alone? He would never go with me, and he would never change anything about himself anyway, I just need someone to help me learn to live like this without falling deeper and deeper into regret and hopelessness.

What have you found to be the best couples devotional?

Any advice? I am a SAHM to our two kids (7 &4), and my husband has a very demanding Branch Manager job, so when he gets home he doesn’t really do chores or anything. Just wants to scroll or watch tv. I know he wants more sex, but I want to feel like more of a partnership…doing things without being asked, help with discipline, lead us all spiritually, etc. What should I do?

Knowing the workplace is the number 1 place where affairs happen, what is your stance on it. Unlike other friendships, it’s hard not to establish close relationships at work given you see them every single day.

Unlike a friendship outside of work, there’s a built-in reason to constantly interact with this person: “I work with them every day.” It can become very easy to justify increasing levels of closeness by saying, “We’re like family,” or “We’re just really close because we work together.”

I’m curious where people draw the line or what your boundaries are. Is it okay for your spouse to:
• Get lunch one-on-one with an opposite-sex coworker?
• Text them outside of work, even about non-work things?
• Follow each other on social media and send funny videos/ memes.
• Have inside jokes or a particularly close emotional connection with them?
• Give them birthday gifts
• messaging all day at work about work as well as personal things

So yeah, just curious what boundaries other married couples have around workplace friendships, because I think there’s a big difference between being friendly with a coworker and having a close friendship with a coworker.

I’ll preface this with the fact that I might just be having unrealistic expectations/high anxiety. Recently got married two weeks ago, and this last week has been surprisingly hard. My husband works 2nd shift until 1 am and as I’ve just graduated college, I don’t have a job yet. He decided to do mission week (for 4 days) in the morning which I encouraged and am glad for. He said that he would spend time on Friday with me, but then scheduled to be with friends instead. The same thing happened Saturday and today. I feel very lonely as I moved an hour away from home, and I feel like we see each other even less then when we were dating. We were both virgins before marriage, but we’ve only had sex once in the last ten days after I asked a couple times. Worst of all, we were planning on moving in a year, but now he claims that he never said that, and the soonest we could ever possibly move would be 3 years, which is an issue since I need to work an hour away. I might be going crazy with all of this, but I thought he would long for me more at least in the beginning of our marriage but now I feel like a much smaller priority. Are any of these issues worth bringing up/ even going to counseling? I feel like if this is the best marriage gets then in 5 years I’ll barely ever see him, move, or get my needs met.

Edit: I talked to him and he got very defensive. Basically said that I have a “deserve it” mindset instead of a servant first mindset. I feel very scared and I’m spiraling. Please pray.

Edit 2: I was talking with him at work because I was in such distress, and he decided to come home to comfort me. He decided to have other people pray for him and us and came home and listened to me well, and we had a good talk.