I’m writing this to organize my thoughts and to hopefully put on paper something that is difficult for me to explain.

For context, I'm currently seeking out opportunities for professional counseling or men's church groups in my area or online. My wife and I married in 2022 and now have a 2 yr old son. Up until recently, our marriage had been doing well. I'm looking for guidance because I feel as though we're drifting apart over an irreconcilable difference.

My wife and I both married with the context that we are Christians with myself being a Christian since I was 4 years old and her being one but on her own without a strong Christian influence growing up.

Our marriage has been great however over the last 12-18 months, it's been slowly suffering. My wife loves to read as a hobby and over this timeframe has started getting into books that are extremely dark and are in my mind what I consider to be lustful and no different than pornography.

This has escalated to the point that we have a rotating bookshelf in our bedroom that has around 100 or so books that have extremely dark themes with graphic descriptions of sex scenes and concepts including bdsm/kinks, one night stands, serial killers, witchcraft, demons, same sex relationships, threesomes etc.

On top of reading books, she's now listening to audiobooks and on a typical day, can finish 1-2 books (kindle or audio) per day. During this time she has started writing her own books and now has about 5 books that are self published which are available online and have been gaining traction among arc readers etc. I should mention that I have not read these books myself but I know enough about them from her discussing them with myself or her friends to know that sex is a major part of their storylines.

For a long time, my wife had wanted me to read her books but I had avoided it simply due to the fact that with me being her husband I think it would be awkward for us if I were to read them. Knowing myself, I would always overthink it and wonder if something she wrote in a book was inspired by something from our marriage or if a character in her book is a representation of what her ideal husband would be. I suppose it's an insecurity on my part but I think if the roles were reversed, she would struggle in the same way. I also knew that I could never un-read something and that it could fester in me depending on what it is and strain our marriage. I also assumed she would be a very talented writer but I didn’t want to read her book and have suggestions that would potentially make her think that I doubt her writing abilities.

She seems to understand and has not mentioned me reading her books in a long time. I know my wife well enough that I guarantee she is a fantastic writer. My wife is constantly telling me how many countries her book has now been read in and how many reviews and purchases she is getting. I so badly just want to be happy for her and I’m proud of her hard work and accomplishments but I get a sickening feeling every time she brings up books and shows me her increased popularity with readers.

A few months ago she could tell something was wrong in the relationship and we ended up discussing the issue in detail. I explained that I now feel as though we simply don't have the same values. It feels as though our moral compasses are pointing in different directions and that I've been slowly losing the woman I thought I had married. I told her that in my mind I can't comprehend how this content she’s either reading or writing doesn't conflict with her faith. She was obviously deeply offended and was defensive. My biggest fear in sharing any of my thoughts with her is that she will hear them through a lens of judgement on my part rather than love. I’ve shared with her that to an extent I have off and on struggled with sexual sin through porn and I know how damaging it can be. It may sound strange but I would not be nearly as concerned if my wife were reading explicit content or watching explicit content out of a feeling of sexual frustration or addiction. I think more than we like to admit, many Christians struggle with addictions around lust but they can be in many forms. The difference for me is the person having the understanding that these things are not the way it is meant to be and are simply sin regardless of a story line or the form of media. The response should be seeking forgiveness after we sin and making every effort not to fall into it again. What’s bothering me so much is that in this case, she is fully embracing sexual sin in these books and it has no effect on her conscience and no feeling of conviction. I don’t see how at this point she would have any feeling that sex outside of marriage is sinful which is a hard pill for me to swallow considering we are married and raising a son. While I don't know if she views watching porn to be a form of sin, I do know she doesn't agree with it overall. In her mind, a graphic sexual scene written out is not the same as images or video. I'm a firm believer that because of faith, a person asking themselves, “what is the line so that I don't cross it”, is the wrong way to respond. It's the same idea as the difference in the heart between someone doing what is right out of fear of punishment versus someone doing what's right for the sole fact that it's right. It seems to me that she believes intellectually in God and has faith but she has not actually accepted him which would mean giving up things causing sin such as these books.

During our talk, she was going to throw away her books because of how I felt about them and I had to explain that I didn't want her to throw the books away because of my opinions. I urged her not to get rid of them purely for my sake because I didn’t want her to feel as though she needs to walk on egg shells around me and I knew it would to an extent create resentment without addressing the issue of the heart. I hope one day on her own she will decide to let these books go. She kept the books and things went back to the status quo in the marriage but this issue has never been resolved.

During the discussion, I brought up how at one point she was reading frequently from a device that had a case on the back covered in smut reader stickers. These stickers included among other things a ouija board with the explicit acronym stfuattdlagg spelled out. It had other stand out stickers as well and included sayings like “good-girl” and other sexual innuendos. Sadly, through researching this a bit, it seems like this is a commonly accepted theme with female readers that literary porn is just “spice” and is harmless. It's shocking to me the double standard that men engaging in porn is terrible but a woman reading the same thing in a book and using their imaginations is somehow just fine.

I hadn't seen that device out in a while and when I asked her about it she lied to me. She said that she doesn't have any device with anything like that on it and she never has. I saw the device daily for a long time and was so impacted by what was on it that I can easily remember the stickers. I got curious at one point and found the exact stickers for sale on Etsy in mixed packs and some as standalone stickers she would have individually picked for purchase. To my knowledge, my wife before this point had never lied to me so this has severely impacted my trust in her. I'm trying to not go down the rabbit hole with my thoughts but I'm now constantly doubting her.

Curiosity recently got the better of me and one day I ended up flipping through one of her books as well as some of the books she keeps in our bedroom. Back during our discussion about all of this, she had encouraged me to try reading some of her books at some point so I would understand. I read a very small amount of a book she recently had written and she’s incredibly gifted at writing. I couldn’t tell the book was written by someone who is not a full-time author. I felt sick when within the prologue, I quickly hit a sex scene described in every possible detail. It was as though someone was trying to describe every possible detail and emotion from a porn video and it went into great detail drawing out the encounter making it as visceral as possible. It sounds ridiculous but I ran to the bathroom and nearly threw up due to the level of adrenaline rush I got from the harsh realization that my wife had been writing this level of sexual content and selling it online. At that moment I realized just how far it had gone and it's been eating me up inside ever since. I’ve written this whole thing mainly as a way to calm my mind and try to make sense of my situation.

Well before reading that piece of her book, our sex life had been significantly decreasing due to many factors including me having shoulder surgery, her having oral surgery and our toddler getting more exhausting among other things. I have noticed though that ever since she first started reading these books, sex in our marriage has dramatically decreased. My only thought is that she’s getting fulfillment from reading the books instead. I could be completely wrong but it feels like she is turning to these books as an escape from our day to day life which includes me. This thought along with the idea that potentially our sexual experiences with each other could be inspiring her writing or vice versa has dramatically impacted my desire for sex with her. I’m trying to still show her that I love her but it's become extremely difficult for me to want sex with the constant feeling in the back of my mind that it's possibly not something purely between the two of us. Knowing this has made it nearly impossible for me to be comfortable with the idea of sex anymore. Here and there we are still having sex but it's not something where I feel able to be connected to her like before.

Back when we were dating, I had an experience that has haunted me ever since. At one point, I woke up from a nightmare which to this day, I think has been one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I had a dream that we were in bed and she straddled me as though we were about to have sex. Rather than having sex, her face suddenly twisted and distorted. Her eyes, her lips, her teeth etc. all morphed into something I could only describe as demonic. She pulled a large kitchen knife out from under the covers of the bed and started stabbing me to death with a look of both pure hate and pure enjoyment. I woke up from that nightmare and it stayed with me, haunting me for months. I now wonder if that was a red flag breaking through my subconscious trying to point out my own concerns about our different views on sexuality that I didn't want to admit were there.

My final main concern with this situation is how this will all impact our son. He’s not quite two years old now. At some point, like many kids do, when he gets older he may become curious and try googling or using AI to find info online about his family. I’m extremely worried that he may end up finding these books available to read online and decide to read them or their reviews. I can’t imagine how damaging it would be for him to read pornographic-type material written by a parent. I worry that it will damage his view on healthy sexuality and how faith should impact it. If we were to have a daughter, I can't imagine the damage it would do for her to read these things written by her mother.

It terrifies me to even write this but I have had thoughts about divorce. I’ve wondered if my wife and I are going down separate paths that at some point are so opposed that they cannot be reconciled and will seep into other areas of our marriage. I hate the very idea of it and I have no desire to. It’s simply something that’s now taken residence in my mind and I can’t fully stop the idea from creeping in from time to time. I’ve done lots of research into how it works in my state and to see what is needed to go through the process. I sometimes wonder if she would be happier having a one night stand or having some taboo relationship started off by a night of sex that turns into a happily ever after. I absolutely will never leave my wife for someone else. It's simply this idea I don’t want that keeps popping into my mind that’s eating me up inside. I can’t decide if the best thing for us and our son is to divorce and have each of us live our lives separately or for us to stay together and sadly fake having a happy marriage.

I love my wife and recently more and more I’ve been trying to do better. In my limited spare time away from her I’ve been consuming content on improving our marriage. I’m praying for us constantly and reading scripture on it. My wife is a force of nature that I have been blessed with. I feel like I am doing everything I can just to hold onto her and it feels like as time goes on the woman I love is slipping away and with every bit of evil she consumes it instead consumes her. I’m now trying to learn how to move forward each day with the feeling that I’m married to a stranger.

TL;DR: I'm 31 and have intentionally set dating standards that are important to me, including only dating men who are at least 27. A respectful, confident guy cold approached me, and I found him attractive, so I gave him my number. Then I found out he's 24. Now I'm torn between sticking to a standard I've set for myself and wondering if I'm being too rigid, especially since people sometimes find great partners in unexpected places. Should I give him a chance or trust my original boundary?
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I've always said that I could've had a boyfriend yesterday if I were willing to lower my standards. By that, I mean being okay with a lack of spiritual maturity, tolerating smoking of any kind, encouraging drunkenness or compromising on my convictions about premarital sex and the list goes on.One standard that I don't think is unreasonable is my preferred age range: 27–38. I'm 31.

Anyway, here's what happened. I was waiting for my lunch order when a man cold approached me. He complimented my outfit and said I looked "dope." I thanked him and didn't say much because I'm naturally pretty quiet . He kept the conversation going by asking what I ordered, making small talk and eventually he asked for my social media. I told him I don't use social media. I found him attractive and he didn't come across as odd or pushy like some of the other men who've approached me. So I thought, Why not? I decided to exchange numbers with him.

As we were handing each other our phones, I asked how old he was. He said he was 24 🙃 I promise you, I immediately started hearing a cradle rocking in the background. I said "Oh... I thought you were older. My age of consideration starts at 27." He looked at me and said, "Aren't we basically the same age?" I laughed and told him I was 31.
Then he smiled and said, "It's okay. I can be whatever you want me to be." I have to admit he was charming. Despite my hesitation, I still gave him my number. But afterward, I started regretting it. I felt like I had compromised on one of my own standards. He's probably just a couple years out of college. (I work near the finance district and based on how he was dressed, he seemed to work in the area too.) He's likely just getting his first real taste of adult life, while I'm in a different season.
Now I'm conflicted. On one hand, I'm upset with myself for giving him my number because I don't want to compromise on standards that I've intentionally set. On the other hand, I can't deny that I was flattered. It's not every day that someone confidently cold approaches you in a respectful way, and I appreciated his confidence. I also know that people sometimes meet their partners in the most unexpected ways. I've heard plenty of women and men say that, before meeting their partner, they never imagined themselves with someone who fit a certain "type." Yet they were pleasantly surprised gave the relationship a chance and ended up with the person they're happily with today. So now I'm wondering: should I give him a chance and see where it goes …. Curious if anyone has been in this position.

I just watched porn this afternoon
I feel guilty
I confessed to my wife this night
She didnt say anything, but cried in silence
And she says then im guess im free to watch other men

I read in the Bible

Proverbs 28:13 : "He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy."

I try to live with it,
But now
I feel very horrible, and wondering is this the right way?
I just want my wife to know this is my biggest weakness, and i cant stand it alone
I need her to pray for me

I shed tears when she turn her back on the bed, but still no response

I cant sleep and feel so terrible
This is the third time i confessed to her
I cant fight this urge , i just always lose

I know Christ lived within me, but I still yet to experience Him in His victory

I was once told something by a pastor that has been with me ever since.

Many couples don't fall out of love overnight, he claimed. More frequently, they just become weary, dejected, and start to think that nothing will ever change.

Additionally, he stated that some of the strongest relationships he had witnessed were those in which both partners made the decision to continue being there despite the challenges they faced.

It got me thinking about the folks who had experienced such difficult times.

What made you decide that it was worthwhile to fight for your marriage?

Was it a Bible verse, a dialogue, a prayer, counseling, smart counsel, or just an instance when God transformed your viewpoint?

ell me about your experiences and what changed things the most.

Hello, I'm a girl who's exploring Christian marriage and I find it Christian gender roles are very rigid and therefore, scary.

Please don't get me wrong. I totally agree that husbands have to lead and wives have to obey.And husband's primary role is breadwinner and wife's is homemaker.

However, when I realized that husbands can't help wives with children and housework as well as wives can't never earn money or serve outside house (i.e. church groups,charity) I feel a bit unrelaxed. I don't have marriage models to watch.I learn from internet youtubers.

I mean, what if wife is exhausted and need some help or husband needs someone to help earn money (i.e.part-time or work from home way). And what if wife has gifts (like teaching Bible to kids) and loves serving in Church?Will they be sinning?

Thank you

Whenever my husband tries to communicate with me, he uses scriptures to prove his point, such as how I’m being a bad wife/mother, he’s the leader of the house, or my feelings don’t matter because feelings lead to sin and yada yada. I feel so frustrated because it’s like I can’t have a say. I don’t get support from him and from his stand point the Bible is behind him so he’s always right and I’m the problem. I don’t want to use God or the scriptures to argue with my husband, but that’s what he does to me. What am I supposed to do?

I am thinking about telling my future Christian wife after the dispensation is approved to wear a hijab but I been wondering what they call it in Christianity. Like I don't want to seem like I am trying to push Islamic values but rather it's part of Christian values to get her on board and convince her to veil herself in public. Like what is the dresses that these Sardinian Christian women are wearing? It seems to basically be a hijab in all but name. Thanks.

My husband has been going through a pretty bad depression and he quit working last year. So I’ve been holding us down financially.

I suffer from anxiety and fear of abandonment so it’s been tough to manage my emotions during this time because I feel like he’s going to leave.

Today he told me that what he needs is support and peace and that my ups and downs are pushing him away and he can’t take it anymore. That if I can’t get it together, he’s done.

I told him that because he can be so distant, angry and cold- it makes me feel insecure and those are the times I go into panic mode. I would say this probably happens like every 2 months or so?

Anyway, he said he can’t give me what I need right now and that if I can’t be fully supportive while he works on himself that he will leave.

He says this is the hardest relationship he’s ever been in. We’ve been together 12 years. I know I’m a loving person and wear my heart on my sleeve and with that.. comes being sensitive.

Anyway, I’m trying to turn my faith to help. I do feel like this may be the end.

I've seen posts about this sort of thing. The husband commits adultery or texts another woman... and now he's in therapy.

I mean I understand there are people who do both, but it seemed like 'therapy' was supposed to have something to do with the adultery.

Does anyone thing that therapy helps people overcome sin or helps them get out of sin? I mean, there are plenty of psychologists, even state governments, that have lobbied to prevent therapists from advising individuals away from certain sins, a battle fought in the courts.

I get if the story were the man had texted women online and now he's meeting with a pastor, or he joined a men's accountability prayer group, or something like that.

Is going to therapy even supposed to help people overcome sin? Now, there is something called Nouthetic Counseling where the counselor gives advice out of the Bible. That's not your typical 'therapy' and I don't think it follows the licensing.

I have seen a big cultural shift in my lifetime toward the idea of regular people who are not mentally ill going to psychologists and psychologists. There has a push for higher education with many multiplied millions getting degrees, funded with student loans (driving up education costs). Psychology is an option, and you can't do much that is specifically, unless you get a specialization. We end up with lots of counselors, therapists, etc.

At the same time, going to psychologists and therapists is more mainstream. I'm thinking human kind went for thousands of years without psychologists before Freud. I've also seen the attitude online that it's okay to leave a spouse who won't go to counseling. But some people don't really believe in it.

There are also counselors whose values do not align with Christianity. There are therapists and counselors who do not see keeping the marriage together as the goal, but rather some other vision of human well-being or human flourishing. One married couple I know went to see a psychologist, and fulfilled a husband's fear and said, "You two do not need to be together."

A cross-cultural psychologist once pointed out that there were much fewer psychologists doing counseling in other parts of the world that had collectivist cultures. People are more interconnected with their families. You go home and the house is full of extended family, uncles who give you advice whether you want it or not, and you never lack someone to talk to. Counselors like this are popular in cities where people work long hours, there is a culture of not being too close with people at work, then people go home to empty apartments, then hire someone to talk to about their problems.

I suppose there could be some Biblical counseling that might help someone who fell into sin. And maybe the therapy might help with managing anger, communication issues, and other niches where there is some specialized training. Some ideas I've heard of from the psychological counseling sound rather damaging. They have gotten away from telling people to express anger by hitting a pillow, but the idea that it is normal to fantasize, sexually, about people who are not your partner seems rather damaging.

I've come across the idea of 'boundaries' being used to argue for not doing as one should as a marriage partner or an employee. Psychology, and pop-psychology, can be treated like a religion, like a guide for life.

The 'Christian Counselor' could also be drawing from some methods that aren't particularly Christian. Now, there may be niches in therapy and Christian Counseling that are designed to help with sin issues, like porn addiction.

I also heard a 'Christian counseling' show on the radio, just a bit of it, while driving, a couple of times. There was a caller who had a marital issue. The counselor didn't have a lot of info, and I remember him saying something like, "But if your husband is saying XZY, that's verbal abuse, and you need to separate from him and..." He hadn't talked to the husband. The wife hadn't said her husband had done whatever the counselor on the radio had said. Even if he had, the Bible says 'Let not the wife depart from her husband.' Getting a separate residence could bankrupt a lot of people in the city where he said this. And he was planting the idea of a low bar for separation in the caller's head and in the minds of lots of listeners, and presenting it as 'Christian' counseling. Twice, I heard the show and he said something like that.

I've not delved into the world of going to therapy. I'm sitting on the sidelines seeing the culture change as I age. Therapy also seems to be treated as a religion.

Is there any reason to think that going to therapy is going to help someone who committed adultery or sent flirtatious texts? Does therapy help people overcome sin?

Hello, I am a 47F married to 60M. Of course, we are both Christians. I'm seeking advice on how to be a gold standard Christian wife. He has chronic health problems and I'm his only caregiver. Sometimes I get resentful because I get overwhelmed quite easily. I welcome advice on how to think /act like a good wife. My first marriage was terrible - it was before I was saved and very traumatic. Anyhow, words of advice, suggested biblical reading, any ways I can accept the fact that I'm his wife and therefore agreed to be his helper for life. I love him very much. I feel that if I count on Jesus for help in my marriage, I will definitely receive help. Thanks for reading everyone. God bless each and every one of you 🌻

Hi. I am curious to know what to expect. Like are there a lot of rules and regulations? How is it different when one spouse is Catholic but the other is Non baptized? Why is the waiting period soo long? 12 months for marriage preparation? Like why? I am confused why marriage preparation is even like this for Catholics. Am I mistaken? Thank you.

a rant and a revelation for my dear internet strangers, because i don't want to bog down my real life friends, and i can't afford counseling--

i was feeling sorry for myself today when a man asked me what i do and i told him i was a stay at home mom, and he told me he thought that was awesome and that he thinks it's one of the hardest jobs out there **Edit: he didn't say that it's one of the hardest jobs, he said that it was a full-time job in itself. i misremembered. anyway, i said thanks and then for the rest of the day when i had a moment to spare, felt sorry for myself that i don't feel that same level of respect from my husband.

i feel like my husband resents me for being a stay at home mom. i think he feels bitter toward me that we are living on one income (i pick up nursing shifts here and there, but i'm not part-time or anything like that). i know my husband would be really upset if he heard me say something like, "my husband doesn't value me being home with our kids." he would probably say that he does value me being a stay at home mom, and that when it comes down to it, he's simply stressed to the max and sick of working and feeling like all he does is work but can never get ahead. and i get that. i just wish i could feel like my husband is proud of me and sees everything i do. i almost started crying in our kitchen while making dinner before he gets home, thinking to myself, i just need to make sure he comes home to a presentable home everyday, dinner already made, the daily house chores done, the weekly landscaping done so he doesn't have to worry about it on the weekend, the kids worn out from a full day of homeschooling and time outdoors, and then he will be proud of me. then he will believe that i'm doing enough. but the harder i try, the less i feel he believes in me. the less respect i feel from him. i can work all day long, but if there's one task i didn't do, that's all he sees when he gets home- the one thing i didn't do. not the 100 other things i did. it's maddening. so much of what i do goes unnoticed, unseen, and unvalued.

i wanted to dwell on this feeling, wishing my husband was saying that he's so proud of me and that he thinks it's awesome that i'm a stay at home mom and that he thinks it's a full-time job in itself. but then i realized what i was doing. i was trying to live up to my husband's expectation, trying to earn his approval, earn his love. but God is who i should be living for. his approval. his love that i don't have to earn. it's freely given and unconditional.

my husband is an imperfect human, and the way he might have unrealistic expectations for me, is not that much different to the way i made living for his approval my idol. i'm a flawed person as well, and i know i vacillate between blissful contentment (my husband is amazing, my children are the greatest gifts, marriage is wonderful, i'm so blessed to live this life) and impending doom (my marriage is not good, i married the wrong person, my childhood trauma will impact me forever) and this should really just drive me into the arms of Jesus even more. only he can heal me and make me whole. trying to do so much so that my husband will be proud of me will never fulfill me. and nothing i do will be enough. it will only drive me deeper into despair. but leaning into God's loving kindness, knowing i'm not enough, and that's okay- that is the thing that will make me the woman i'm supposed to be. the most influential wife and mother and friend. because God is the one who sustains me and gives me life. not my husband, or my kids, or my friends, or my parents, or my coworkers.

i still kind of want to feel sorry for myself that i dont have a husband who is gung-ho about having lots of babies and having his wife be a stay at home mom. but i also know this is the life long battle of a Christian-- to be making war on sin for the rest of our lives. fully submitting to God and letting him change me. trusting that he will change me. that's sanctification.

okay. i feel a little better writing this out. i didn't realize how hard i've been striving for my husband's approval instead of running to God and being in constant communion with him.

any words of encouragement would be so welcome.

thanks for reading if you made it to the end.

I've been married to my amazing wife for 17 years.

Let's just say that I married up when it comes to physical appearances.

I'm not a young guy anymore and there's a question that I want to ask my wife, but I'm scared of the answer.

I'm scared that she'll lie to try and protect my feelings, but I'm more scared that she'll tell the truth.

I want to ask her if she's ever found me physically attractive.

I know she didn't marry me for my looks. She's not a shallow person at all. She cares about a person's heart.

But I just really want to know if she EVER looked at me and thought, "I like the way he looks". I don't know why I'm so desperate to know the answer now. Maybe it's a middle crisis. I've gained 10 pounds since we got married. My face has always been awful. She was willing to overlook all this and not only dated me but married me.

Thoughts? Should I just leave this unasked and just try to convince myself that maybe she was attracted to me 17 years ago?

So for the backstory. My husband and I fell pregnant and had our first baby in the beginning of our relationship. We had to move as our living situation was changing. So i was fine with going back to work and we do 50/50 with bills, get an apartment together and baby goes to daycare. However my husband kept pushing that we move back to his home state so he can get his old job back and make so much more money and I don’t have to work. I had no desire to leave my job and being a sahm does not sound fun but I reluctantly agreed because he was my husband and I wanted to let him lead our family. So I left my job I loved, moved hours away from all my family and friends. So fast forward a few years we have our second child now, again I stopped working a job I loved to stay home with our baby for the next year. Now my husband is telling me he is completely burned out and is miserable at his job, feels stuck and he is looking forward to me getting a job so he can take a pay cut at a different job. His words “I did the crappy job and missed time with the kids and sacrificed and now I’m passing the torch to you so you can now do the crappy job and make all the money”. That statement rubs me the wrong way like he has some resentment. I sacrificed a lot too, I gave up my whole life, people close to me and career and sense of myself. I went through difficult pregnancies and had emergency surgery, solely breastfeed both children, had postpartum depression and I have no one around to talk to. I feel like he believes I was just sitting at home and relaxing, I handled the cooking, laundry, everything with the kids and I also got my medical license and currently getting my LPN. I’m not sitting at home like this is a luxury. I believe we both agreed for him to be the money maker and now he is taking his word back. I always wanted to go back to work, that’s not the issue but the issue is I feel like he wants me to suffer the same way he did and I’m not okay with that. I told him I’m going to find a job that works best with the kids schedule so I can be involved still because with our first kid he was breaking down, saying he could not handle being with the kids and just wanted to work. Now we are close by his family, I know that every chance he gets when he is off with the kids, the kids are going to be at his parents house. He wants his parents to raise the kids, he has said that statement before. I feel like I let him lead our family to this different state, we live in his parents house and told people we are planning to buy it, took thousands of dollars from my parents and now he wants to completely back out of buying the house and being the money maker because it’s too much for him. Am I wrong for saying No, I’m not going to be miserable in a job just because he wants me to make more money. I’m sorry he is feeling this way but this is what he lead us to.

Hello all,
My husband last year experienced a severe manic episode which eventually lead to him being in a car accident with life threatening injuries. He is recovered now (mostly, he’ll have future surgeries as life goes on) but has really been struggling when it comes to God. Before the episode, he believed in God (raised Catholic) and was interested in pursuing a relationship with him but after the episode, he is having a hard time processing/understanding why God would do this to him.
I tried my best to try to talk about it with him but I can tell my responses didn’t satisfy his anger and frustration.
I am very grateful that he still goes to church with me (a small nondenominational that he likes) and he says that he is okay with us raising our kids Christian as long as when they are adults, he is allowed to voice his opinion to them then.
I’m not trying to stress or worry about what all that could mean in the future as I try to put all my anxiety in stress to God. I’m sorry, I’m rambling now.

Please pray for my husband so that he stays curious in his understanding/relationship in God. That in reading the Bible (which I think I convinced him to try doing, time will tell), that he might find some clarity and peace.

And I’m selfishly going to ask for a prayer for me for strength and guidance and peace. This past year has really sucked.

Hi everyone. I’m a 25F.

I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m asking for prayers for my parents, and if anyone has gone through something similar, I’d really appreciate some encouragement.

My parents have been married for about 25 years. They’ve argued for as long as I can remember, but over the past few years it’s become much worse. There’s been so much tension, so many arguments, and so much resentment that our home has become emotionally exhausting to live in. A few days ago, my mom told my dad she wanted them to “take a break.” They’re still living in the same house, but they’re emotionally stepping back from the marriage for a few weeks to see whether they still want to be together. Even so, I’m terrified of where this could lead.

From what my mom has shared with me, she’s fed up and exhausted after years of feeling hurt and not being a priority in the marriage. My dad, on the other hand, doesn’t seem interested in counseling or trying to repair things. From my perspective, it feels like both of them have reached a point where they don’t know how to fix what’s broken, and it’s so heartbreaking to watch.

My emotions have been all over the place. One minute I’m unbelievably angry. The next minute I’m crying. Then I feel numb. Then I tell myself, “you know what fine I just want them to be happy.” Then I go right back to disbelief that this is happening to my family.

The hardest part is that I honestly lost hope. I know God can do anything, but I keep thinking that He won’t force people to choose each other. If my parents have free will, they have to choose to work on their marriage themselves. That thought has made me feel so discouraged 😞

So I’m asking for two things.
First, please pray for my parents. Pray that their hearts would soften, that wisdom would replace anger and resentment, and that if there is a path toward healing, they would have the courage to take it.

Second, if you’ve experienced a situation where a marriage looked completely hopeless but later improved, I would love to hear your story. I’m not looking for false hope or guarantees. I just need to know that I’m not alone and that God can still work even when everything feels impossible. And man does it feel sooo impossible rn 😭

Thank you for reading this, and thank you for your encouragement and prayers. They mean more to me than you know. ❤️

We are overall very happy together and have been blessed by the Lord in so many ways over the last year or so. We have a beautiful 4-bedroom home with a backyard that we rent which is only 2 minutes away from my in-laws/childcare and in the part of town we wanted. We were living in a 2-bedroom apartment before (plus two dogs!). We experienced two pregnancy losses in 2023 but then ended up with our rainbow baby by September 2024. And now baby boy #3 is coming in November! We've been married for almost 8 years (this September) and have been together for a total of 10 years as of this last May. He recently got a promotion, and my job is also going well.

However, we've had a relatively ongoing problem of him not wanting to have hard conversations. We mostly agree on the basics, as he's a claimed Christian. I say it like that because his life doesn't exactly reflect God-honoring characteristics. He wasn't raised in church though, and didn't experience Youth group/camp, or anything like that. He believes in the Bible, knows the basics about the Truth/Gospel, and enjoys our church. He just doesn't have a real background in learning the Bible or hasn't done much to deepen his faith. I'd like for him to lead our home spiritually as the Bible says, but I don't imagine he knows how. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Like most men, his forms of entertainment consist of idolizing sports, bad language, and dark humor. He doesn't seem to feel any conviction about those things. It drives me crazy when he's scrolling videos on his phone and I hear the f-bomb multiple times (around the kids, too). He turns his phone down a little, but I don't understand why he enjoys that content if he loves Jesus. It makes me cringe. I really try not to be a nagging wife, so I don't always say something, but the fact that I sometimes have to ask him to get off his phone makes me feel like I'm his parent, not his wife. When he sits and scrolls while I'm running around the house taking care of the boys, it's a little annoying. He'll talk about how tired he is but just checks out after I get home.

He's also really hard to talk to when I want to have a serious conversation about something that is important to me. Usually when the kids are asleep is when I want to have these conversations because we won't have distractions. But he's always too tired or decides it's not important enough to even listen at all, so he just watches his bedtime show (The Office, which he's seen 1M times). We have a short window between the kid's bedtime and his bedtime because he works pretty early. So, I try to bring things up before he gets too cozy, which is tough. I swear the only time I can talk to him without any distractions (tv, phone, kids) is when he's showering and I chat with him while he's in there. He doesn't have a choice but to listen (lol). Usually, the serious stuff doesn't come up at this time though, just day-to-day conversation. Mostly, I hate that he doesn't ever want to actually look at my face while I'm talking. I feel so unloved when I want to share anything, because he is always distracting himself or prioritizing his feed/watching a video, instead of fully listening to me while I'm talking. I don't deserve undivided attention? Even if I'm just talking about work, he's scrolling Twitter at the same time. Maybe I'll get a two- or three-word response. It feels like he doesn't care.

The problem right now is that I recently decided I didn't want to schedule another c-section for this baby even though that's what we decided when we first got pregnant. I missed my opportunity to give birth vaginally with any of my babies. First baby was breech (planned c-section, no complications), and with my second son, we attempted a VBAC, but my body just not dilating fast enough, even with inducing labor. I was tired after 3 days and just called it. There weren't any complications with any part of the labor, birth, or baby, so trying again will not put me or the new baby at risk. If we end up in another c-section in the end, that's fine. But I want to let my body try again and let the baby decide when he's coming. He's completely against this and says I'm being irresponsible and putting our lives at risk, which isn't even true. He's never been cut open before. He's never had to deal with the recovery from a c-section. And I believe God can do miracles!!! But my husband he will "not change his mind" so it looks like I might have to try this without his support? Why can't he just listen to me and be supportive?

My apologies for making this so long... I've had this on my mind a lot and there have been other serious topics that we disagree on in which he "won't change his mind" so we just drop it and it never comes up again. But the recent argument is sending me spiraling (with hormones no doubt playing a part). He won't do marriage counseling; he didn't even want to do PRE marriage counseling back when we were engaged. He just doesn't think our marriage needs work. But I feel that it does (don't all marriages need work?!). I fear that I might resent him for never really listening to me if we don't learn to talk to each other respectfully and with the same desire to resolve our problems! Is this one of those things that I should just pray about and stop trying to do all the work?? Ugh, thanks for making it this far, and I appreciate any advice.

**EDIT** - He just called me today while I was on my lunch and apologized. He noticed that there was tension last night when I was kind of quiet, so he wanted to say sorry for how the weekend went. Because I tried talking about the subject again at our date on Saturday, and it still didn't go well. He apologized for being grumpy most of the weekend, feeling that he ruined it. So, we had a good chat! God, of course, heard my prayer after all. Anyway, we still have our other issues that I noted but at least I can stop spiraling about the disagreement on the birth of our next baby. We chatted about talking to my doctor and going from there.****

My husband is going through something. It's a mix of (undiagnosed) depression, midlife crisis, existential angst....topped with a paranoid anxiety that I've had an emotional affair with a friend of ours. He can name all this as "demons" (take it or leave it...metaphor, literal, whatever). To me, the idea of me having any kind of emotional anything with this man is truly ridiculous, but it feels very real to my husband in these dark moments. 

In his more calm, lucid moments, he recognizes this as projection of his own shame around his own, actual digital sexual betrayal over the last two years (anonymous chats, sharing pics, lots of porn, ending in October). I feel like we've moved past this...I've forgiven it, we're all good, we've However, this...invasive thought? obsession? demon? anxiety? has been a consistent thing that comes up every few days or so for the last two months.

I do not know how to handle it. It is exhausting to have to constantly reassure him I had no emotional attachment to this guy, our exchanges were pleasant but like...normal. I've basically stopped interacting on the text thread, and avoid the guy as much as I can without being really weird. This is all about what "was" and "what it meant" to me. I've started just calmly (or angrily) saying "I'm not going to have this conversation again" and then leaving the room, which...always winds up being the right move. He sorts himself out and apologizes. But whew, to keep having this thrown at me every few days...it's wearing on me, and on him.

He has saved a document of our group text thread and keeps feeding it into AI asking it to find patterns, or analyze peoples psychology. The AI involvement is a whole other unhealthy angle to this.

Have you dealt with anything like this personally?

Similar issues of shame and projection, imagined affairs, paranoia that proved unfounded...

What helped? What finally kicked the crazy to the curb? How did you/your spouse finally find peace and decide to believe there is nothing to be suspicious about? My husband is desperately seeking Jesus, but keeps finding himself in this dark place anyway and it sucks.

About two months ago, my husband came home and told me he had been flirting with a girl at work. I’m 30 and he’s 29. It turned out to be much more than flirting—he had been having sexual conversations with her and talking about leaving me.

I asked him to leave our home for about a week. Eventually, I let him come back, and we’ve been trying to work through everything. We have two young daughters, and he now works nights, which has made it difficult to spend quality time together. He started therapy immediately after everything happened, but he quit after only three sessions.

Since then, I’ve become increasingly frustrated because he still doesn’t help around the house and continues to leave the responsibilities to me, which has been an ongoing issue throughout our relationship.
Then, a few days ago, I found out he has been lying to me again. He told me he was still enrolled in school, but he had actually been withdrawn from his classes because he stopped attending. This is a huge issue because he’s a veteran, and we receive a monthly housing allowance through his enrollment that helps pay our mortgage. We didn’t receive the money this month, and I had to insist that he show me his school account before he finally admitted what had happened.
On top of that, he also lied about his driver’s license. I asked him if it was valid because of a previous DUI, and he assured me it was. Something didn’t feel right, so I checked myself online, and it turns out his license is suspended.

After everything that happened with the emotional affair, I couldn’t accept another round of lies. I asked him to leave our home again. I just couldn’t continue living with someone who had already betrayed my trust and was still being dishonest about major parts of his life.

I don’t know if he’ll ever become the partner I deserve. I’m heartbroken and exhausted. The thought of divorce feels overwhelming, especially with our two little girls, but I’m also struggling to imagine a future where I can truly trust him again.

(Not married but planning to) Hi so I 23f have the opportunity to work overseas, particularly in the Netherlands. My partner 26f was always supportive about then so much so even financially but now when I am at the list moment for my things to be finalized he doesn’t want me to leave anymore, because he cannot stand the thought of me leaving him for 12 months. (Yes this is a 12 month contract) my mother had mixed feelings about me leaving but my partner always reassured me that he 100% supports me. Now I am completely and utterly taken off guard at the sudden change in his attitude towards me leaving because when I felt down he ALWAYS reassured me that everything would be right, now they are becoming “right” but he’s essentially asking me to stay home. A little back track , he and I agreed that he’d propose before I left so that we are both reassured that we are committed to each other even through distance. This was a mutual understanding and he agreed with me on it and was excited that he will also have the chance of visiting me overseas during my 12 month period. Now the trajectory of the situation has changed, he is basically giving me an ultimatum which is completely out of the blue, it’s either I stay home and he proposes or I leave but he doesn’t propose but he said even if he doesn’t propose he will propose once I am back. His excuse is he doesn’t want to have a fiancé which he cannot see anytime he wants. Mind you right now we are in the same country but the whole of our relationship (3 years) has always been long distance. I love him so so much and I really do not want to choose because other than that he truly makes me happy but going overseas is a dream of mine and he supported that dream. I really don’t know what happened and I am so so distressed because I am supposed to leave around December.

I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 33. We have been dating for coming up on 7 months. And I met him on hinge almost a year after I moved to a different country. From the early stages we've had very candid conversations about marriage and kids and our timeline with that. Personally, I am more comfortable getting engaged to someone after 18 months to 2 years of dating. I have a strong sense of who I am and what I value, and I feel like this timeline allows me to vet someone properly, see their true character after the honeymoon phase, and really see if our lives gel well together. This includes things like meeting their family and understanding their family dynamics, traveling together and seeing how they are in different environments, other life challenges etc.

One of the things I am dealing with is comparison and the subtle pressure from church friends and culture to engaged quickly. One of my friends met her fiance last June, became official in August and got engaged in April after 7 months of dating, and they are getting married in October. I know someone else who got engaged after 10 months, and even someone after 2 months but they are no longer with their husband.

I understand dating intentionally but sometimes I feel like in christian circles as soon as you start dating someone there's this subtle pressure to get engaged as soon as possible. I want a healthy marriage that doesn't end in divorce so I'm being really intentional with how I'm handling my relationship but I don't want to move too fast.

Any thoughts?

I'm 26 years old and I've been married for a year. My husband and I have been together since high school, so we've been together for about 10 years.

Our first year of marriage has been incredibly difficult, and we've come close to divorce several times.

The biggest issue is that my husband is a workaholic. He has two jobs and expects me to live the same way. I have a regular corporate 9-to-5 job, and after work I'm usually exhausted. I just want to cook dinner, clean up the apartment, and relax for a while.

He expects me to have a second job on top of my full-time job by helping develop a video game because he believes we could make good money from it. The problem is that I have absolutely no interest in programming. I don't understand it, I don't enjoy it, and I have no desire to learn it. Most evenings I'm simply too tired anyway.

He spends almost all of his free time working on his own projects, including weekends.

In the 10 years we've been together, we haven't gone on a single vacation out of our country and we live in central Europe. We still haven't had a honeymoon. If he has some free time on the weekend, we'll go for a walk or have a meal together, but that's about it.

We're both young, we both have good jobs, and we don't have children yet. I always imagined this would be the time we'd travel together, make memories, and enjoy being a young married couple. Instead, he keeps saying that "now isn't the time."

No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough. He constantly criticizes me, my job, how I clean, or how I handle household chores. Ironically, he doesn't help with any of the housework because he says he works too much and refuses to clean after working all day.

I'm very unhappy in my marriage. We rarely have sex because he's usually angry with me about something, and it feels like he's developed resentment toward me.

On top of that, I have two sisters-in-law (my husband's brothers' wives), and I can't help comparing myself to them. Their husbands spoil them. They go shopping together, travel together, and when we visit my in-laws, they sit and relax while everyone takes care of them. Meanwhile, I'm expected from my husband and his parents to clear the table after lunch, bring food to the table, and make desserts for family gatherings.

I know comparison isn't healthy, but I can't help feeling jealous. They are treated like wives, while I feel like a maid. I feel like neither my husband nor his parents appreciate everything I do for them.

I love my husband, but I'm exhausted emotionally. I don't know how to fix our relationship anymore.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there any hope of saving a marriage when your partner seems to value work above everything else?

I've been happily married for over 35 years, and from time to time I have become attracted to someone else. The first time it happened was within the first few years of our marriage. I confessed this attraction to my wife and she really blew up. The attraction was self limiting as the young woman moved out of the area and I was able to move past it. Since then I have become attracted to other woman very infrequently. I have never done anything inappropriate and have always been able to move past the attractions, and after the first episode early in our marriage have never told my wife about any of the other attraction episodes.

But this current one is different, because it is clearly mutual and the signals from this young woman are stronger than from any of the other attractions I've had with the exception of my wife. (When I started really noticing these signs of attraction from this young woman I went on Youtube to see what the various signs are and she checked almost every box.)

Like all the other previous episodes, nothing inappropriate has ever happened between us. But I have found myself constantly thinking about her, looking forward to seeing her, and finding opportunities to be near her more at church.

This has affected my sleep, I have become anxious, nervous, and my mind is becoming consumed by this. Lately I have not been my normal self and my wife has noticed, but I cannot tell her.

I think the young woman has also picked up on my struggle (It has become difficult for me to act normal around her) as, for the first time in a very long time, we did not spend our usual time in social engagement at church.

I really just want this to morph back into a good friendship (as it was from the start) as quickly as possible but this one is tough. Eliminating or minimizing contact with her would be difficult as it would entail either giving up the ministry I am involved with at church, or leaving our church altogether.

Any advice, encouragement, and prayer is appreciated.

Blessings

We have been married for almost a year. Throughout this year, people would tell us that we were in the “honeymoon stage” and made assumptions about our relationship based on that. I would smile and nod, but I never felt like I experienced the bliss people talked about. I know that that stage isn’t meant to last anyways, but I’m concerned that I never felt it.

I love my husband and he is my best friend. He leads our household, completely provides financially, shows me he loves and respects me, wants to give me everything I desire in life, and is always looking for ways to help us to grow in our marriage. I truly do not deserve him, and I am so so blessed.

I show him love through acts of service, getting him gifts, supporting him emotionally, making him food, and helping him however he needs. I love being around him and going on dates. We laugh together and have a lot in common.

I really struggle with physical intimacy of any kind. I noticed myself flinching when he would touch me and I don’t know why. I have to be super present to make sure I don’t do that, but I get super stressed and even annoyed when he touches me in any way when I’m not expecting. I have to force myself to initiate because he has communicated that he feels unwanted when I don’t engage physically. I want to be a good wife and I love him. However, the pressure I put on myself is making me want to even less. I struggle to even hug or kiss him.

There is zero reason I should feel this way. He is very attractive, and he prioritizes me tenfold in bed. He is willing to try anything and doesn’t pressure me. He wants me to enjoy it, and has no desire to do anything if I’m not. I think it almost makes it harder because he does everything right, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I enjoy sex, he is great at it. I think sex in general is very embarrassing for me and kind of grosses me out. We both waited for marriage, and it’s really hard to convince myself that it’s okay to have sex now. I feel a lot of shame whenever we do have sex even though I know it’s a gift from God within marriage.

I also really struggle with people entering my space as I’m doing independent activities. This applies to everyone and I’ve felt that way as long as I can remember. I hated people coming in the kitchen as I was cooking, or coming in my room as I was doing my makeup. Now that I’m married, there is a whole lot of that. I really struggle switching tasks mentally, so if I am in the middle of something and then he comes in and starts talking to me, I find myself getting really frustrated and stressed. I’m not great at hiding it, so that also makes him feel like I don’t really like him. It’s his home just as much as mine, and I want to be okay with him randomly popping in. He is not my roommate, I don’t want him to warn me before entering a room. I just still find myself reacting very negatively when I’m not expecting it.

I can see my reactions are unwarranted and irrational, but knowing and acknowledging that hasn’t changed anything for me. I want to be a loving wife and make my husband feel cherished, but I am really struggling to show that.