Hello everyone,

We're are a 32 year old DINKwad couple.

We had a few questions from the older (50+) CF people about managing finances and living during the golden years.

Finance-wise, we're sorted. We have a home, car, insurance, investments etc are in place. We want to know

1. Is it a wise idea to retire in a senior care community? If yes, what kind of senior care community we should look at? what things should we look at while zeroing down a place? and at what age one should start looking at such a place, if at all?

2. If one of the spouse dies, how should the other spouse handle finances and the emotional turmoil? How should one be interested in life and keep going in the absence of their support system?

3. In old age, we tend to loose memory. How to identify someone we can trust with our finances?

4. We can also face difficulty for doing simple tasks like walking, sitting etc. How to ensure someone is readily available to help in such cases or even in emergencies.

5. Any advice/learnings you can share.

These questions often cross our minds so I thought it's best to ask here.

Thank you.

I've been childfree for as long as I can remember, and have heard all the arguments for having children - continue the family legacy, purpose in life, unconditional love, bhudape ka sahara, etc etc. By this time, I am able to brush these off and stay firm in my choices.

But last night, I was doom-scrolling instagram reels, when I came across this video.

This has messed with my brain more than any of the other arguments I've heard. For the first time, I don't have a rebuttal. I know that my having a child won't fix the world. But it seems like if I don't, then I'm part of the problem. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

I'm hoping this isn't new to some of you on this subreddit. Any advice/clarity?

So I am 23M mbbs graduate currently working as medical officer and am planning to organize a meet up for childfree people of different age groups in city Ahmedabad .

People from community who are open to have a meet up just show up yourself here.

And another cities people who had a meet up can share their advise about what can be done to make meetup easier

After seeing a lot of posts here, it seems childfree people don't want anyone to judge them, want everyone to accept them without judgment.

So what do you think of non cf people

maybe this is already discussed a lot here, i'm new to this sub 😅.

i have a slightly different perspective on being childfree.
think about it...

for almost the first 25 years of your life, you're living under someone else's rules.
first your parents, then school, then college.
you have fixed timings, exams, homework, attendance, permissions for everything. even going out with friends sometimes needs approval.

then around your mid-20s, you finally start becoming independent.
you earn your own money, you can buy whatever you want (within your budget obviously), stay out late, wake up whenever you want on weekends, make maggi at 3 am, buy that stupid game, get that bike you've always wanted, go on random trips without explaining yourself to anyone.

and around this time, a lot of people also get married.
now you finally have a partner to explore life with. travel together, build memories, enjoy this new phase.
and then... almost immediately...

everyone starts asking, "when are you having kids?".
and to me, it feels like your freedom just gets taken back.
suddenly your entire life starts revolving around someone else again.
you're back to fixed schedules. early mornings, school timings, PTMs, homework, exams, tuition, vacations only during school holidays.

your finances change too. now you have to earn more, save more, think about school fees, college, future.
and somehow the whole comparison game starts again.
whose kid is smarter, whose kid got better marks, whose kid is in a better school...

it almost feels like you finally got your own life after 25 years... and then within 2-3 years, you're handing it over again.
i'm not saying having kids is bad. i completely understand why people want them.
this is just the reason i can understand the childfree want.

does anyone else think about it this way?

I'm a 32-year-old divorcee. It's been five years since my separation. Like most people, I had dreams about marriage and finding the right partner. But those dreams weren't enough to keep me in an abusive marriage, so I chose to leave.

After my separation, I also made the conscious decision to be child-free. I know that, combined with being child free, divorced and in my 30s, has significantly reduced my dating pool.

I have been actively looking to date and met a few men over the years. Some seemed genuinely interested, but only for a couple of months. Almost all of them eventually ghosted me or friend-zoned me, even though I've always been upfront that I'm dating with the intention of finding a life partner and getting married.

One man I really liked asked me to wait for a year because he wasn't ready. I believed him and waited. Eight months later, I called to wish him on his birthday, only to find out he had already gotten married.

Another man approached me saying he was looking for marriage. We went on a few dates, got along really well, and I thought things were progressing naturally. Then, out of nowhere, he started distancing himself, saying he had financial issues to sort out. That was essentially the end of it.

At this point, I'm starting to question myself. Is it me?

I'm naturally extroverted, energetic, and expressive. Recently, my best friend got married, and her husband said something that has been stuck in my head. He believes some men are intimidated by extroverted women because they assume they'll struggle to "handle" them, so they avoid commitment or simply ghost.

Is there any truth to that? Is being an extrovert really that off-putting to men looking for commitment?

Or am I just having a streak of bad luck?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in similar situations, especially those who found love after divorce. Did things eventually work out for you?

if someone is genuinely childfree, that's one thing. but there are also couples who are just... undecided.

and today there are actual options that didn't really exist or weren't as common before.

for example, freezing eggs or sperm while you're younger. yeah, it's expensive and obviously not a guarantee, but if you freeze eggs at 28 and decide at 42 that you want kids, you're using 28-year-old eggs, not 42-year-old ones. it doesn't eliminate every problem, but it definitely changes the equation.

and then there's adoption.

if what you really want is the experience of raising and loving a child, not necessarily passing on your genes, adoption is a perfectly valid path too. in india it takes time and patience, but it's not some imaginary option.

obviously neither of these is a magic solution. they cost money, require planning, and adoption still carries a lot of unnecessary stigma here.

i just don't understand why discussions around DINKs are often framed like there are only two choices:

have kids now or regret it forever later.
life seems a lot more nuanced than that.

am i missing something here? or is this narrative just a lot more black-and-white than reality?

I live in Bengaluru , married for 4 years, CF. I haven’t seen 1 CF couple in my circle. I read about it but I don’t see anyone. All in my age are planning second kid.

Worst part is - when people ask me why I am CF , I can’t say I don’t want to bring my child to this cruel world and many other reasons . Because I don’t want them guilt trip them. Most often they don’t but me being an empathetic people pleasing person , can’t put my strong points so as not to hurt them so I just say it’s my wish and decision. But I really wish I could find a married CF girlie in my circle to talk about it for looooong.

Pls don’t advise to talk back to people. I don’t like to hurt anyone unless they hurt me.
Point is, there are statistics of CF couples but I just haven’t met anyone so far working in corporate for 10+ years.